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Amelia, Worm AU [Complete]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by TanaNari, Jan 10, 2015.

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  1. Daunmi

    Daunmi Shun the sun, night so nice

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    I'm impressed!

    And ashamed... I read 'crops up' as written, not intended. Went over my head completely.
     
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  2. powerofvoid

    powerofvoid Versed in the lewd.

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    Kaiser: "I'm so proud of..."
    *thwack* *stab* *taze*
    Kaiser: "Oh look, they're bonding over beating my face in, how cute."
     
  3. J_Killcrazy

    J_Killcrazy Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

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    As a guy... fuck you, Missy.
     
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  4. dasstan

    dasstan :)

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    That is the idea, yes. I couldn't resist.
     
  5. pepperjack

    pepperjack A Variety of Cheese

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    She's thirteen. She has said, and will continue to say, much more ignorant and less sensitive things.

    (Or is she older now? I'm too lazy to look this up.)
     
  6. Dude

    Dude Getting out there.

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  7. TanaNari

    TanaNari Verified Dick

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    Pretty much. I foreshadowed the whole thing well before the ribbon, however. I intended to make more of a deal of the ribbon and school in general, but quite frankly this story is freakin' huge already.

    1- Theo has crush on Clarice, who he thinks is a real girl. Eventually he finds out she's Bonesaw and is like 'holy crap!'.

    2- Riley picks up on all of this info because she's Riley.

    3- Riley gives Theo to Missy because she's nice like that. They bond at the Fourth of July party. It's unknown when they become official, but it's clearly before school starts again.

    4- Feels happen.

    5- Dream Girl happens. Missy does her best to be understanding of Theo's feelings. The elephant in the room (Riley) goes largely ignored.

    6- More feels happen.

    7- Missy finds out Riley's feelings and is all "well, damn, my best friend has feelings for my boyfriend who functionally returns those feeling... this is fucked up... SOLUTION!!!"

    8- All come to an unspoken agreement that they must never let Zach know. Ever.

    This story is nearing its final stretch anyway. Expect a lot of time jumps in the near future.

    Uh... sure they can. Pantheon's still an American group. It's just their leadership is not. Besides, Dragon still operates on American soil. And she's Canadian.
     
  8. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    Best Ending - Fate.
    Best Story - UBW.
    Most WTF Moments - Heaven's Feel.
    This just means, as par for your writing style, that whatever happens next is going to be truly horrific.
    pfft! As if Riley needs to do something so mundane; she'll just install a chip to shock the pleasure centers of her brain on command. Instant Orgasm (capital "OH!") at the proverbial 'push of a button.'
    Just as long as you fuck Riley too!


    As for the bountiful harvest of bad puns I'm seeing? You're all just a bunch of bad apples...Though they do say you do get the best cider when you have one bad apple in the batch.:p
     
  9. Z000

    Z000 If this is trash, then find me in the dumpster

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    i kinda think the Heaven Feel route was more of a Best Action, considering that:
    1) Shirou using Berserker Axe-sword + NP to kill him
    2) Shirou using Crane Wing in one of the Bad End to beat down Alter!Saber
    3) Fist fight again Kirei near the end while both of their body slowly shut down
    4) Kirei fight again True!Assassin
    5) Even when Shirou die, his corpse still operate to pull out Excalibur and nuke the Grail
     
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  10. pepperjack

    pepperjack A Variety of Cheese

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    Orange you glad there weren't a pear of 'em? It'd be enough to make a mango crazy!
     
  11. AkuArkaine

    AkuArkaine Getting out there.

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    I remember seeing a discussion about 4-5 years ago about what the different endings said about how you look at the world. They 80+ page discussion on the forum boiled down to this...

    Fate: Child-like idealist who still believes in fairy tales.

    UBW: Positive thinker whom believes that good can and will triumph over evil.


    Heaven's Feel: Realist whom sees the world for what it is, or a mature cynic.

    I never quite subscribed to this whole view myself, but I gotta admit that it is kinda dead to rights about Heaven's Feel.
     
  12. TanaNari

    TanaNari Verified Dick

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    I wouldn't know. Never seen.

    Speaking of. Thanks for the spoiler warnings, guys.
     
  13. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    To support most WTF moments:
    Crest Worms.
    Zouken.

    'Nuf said.
    There's also that whole dream h-scene. If the scene itself isn't enough WTF, they never really say whether it was Rider or Sakura feeding on you, and there's implications both ways. (fyi, it was Rider)

    Oh, and I'll clarify, I like HF the most out of all the paths, I just think UBW has a better story overall.

    And if you're a fan of FSN, and haven't already played it, go try out Tsukehime. It deals more with the Vampires/True Ancestors/Dead Apostles side of the Nasuverse, with a touch of the Church thrown in; no real mention of Magi, though there IS a Sorcerer, in the opening scene no less. And of course several beings that could curb-stomp ANY of the Servants... Easily. And it wouldn't be one of Nasu's works without the bittersweet (and often disturbing) endings.
    So far I'm pretty sure I've been spoiler-free (save for the bit above) ZOOO on the other hand...
     
  14. Peanuckle

    Peanuckle Versed in the lewd.

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    Well that explains the 95% chance of threesome.

    Er, what are the ages here? It hasn't been too long since the deviation from canon, maybe only a year if that? So we're talking about 12 and 13 year olds?

    Because RIley was only just hitting puberty when Jack and friends went into cryo.
     
  15. Alterego9

    Alterego9 Know what you're doing yet?

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    I'm not a big fan of applying evo-psych to culturally sensitive matters, as it tends to lead to being able to justify practically anything, with what are little more than just-so stories.
    Research has shown that female brains inherently prefer pink and males prefer blue, and researchers have fitting evolutionary justifications for it, which is strange because that fashion trend is less than a century old.
    For a long time evo-psych was used to justify homophobia, then suddenly as gay rights became culturally supported, we "discovered" evolutionary narratives that can justify a gay minority. (even though there are also plenty of historical societies where MWHSWM were the mainstream).

    At the very least, it seems to me that human cultures have a much bigger influence on gender and sex roles, than animalistic drives do, to the point that we can invent monogamy and be reasonably comfortable with it, but also invent polyandry, or polygyny, or mutual polyamory, or whatever the fuck we find appropriate at the time.


    I had one of those a few weeks ago about how Lisa's asexuality being disrespected is offensive to asexuals. (the one where I somehow ended up getting compared to the Spacebattles mods). The point is, that there is a difference between "This leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I wish the author would have wrote about something else", and "this behavior is harmful in-universe".

    Because realistically, there is a different degree of harm between shipping an asexual who takes it for a joke, and one who is genuinely disturbed by it. Likewise, there is a difference between assuming the inherent promisculity of a guy who apparently accepts it as an argument, and assuming the promisculity of one who takes it as an insult.

    Yes, the world would be a better place if none of those stereotypes would exist at all, and if you feel that it's really important to nip them in the bud then you might feel angry at the author and all characters involved, but that's very different from expecting "the setting sail of the HMS Tragedy", even when it's just teenagers believing things that teenagers tend to believe.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2015
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  16. Alterego9

    Alterego9 Know what you're doing yet?

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    It's not exactly blackmail if she wants to break up with him for her own reasons.

    Missy made it clear, that her highest priority here is to pair up Theo and Riley. If Theo is not into a three way relationship, then her next best option is to make it possible by breaking up with him. There is no alternative for her where she would feel able to keeping standing between Theo and Riley.

    It's less like "you have to give me $10k or I will break up with you", and more like "I would need another $10K to stay in town, so if you can't help me then I guess that's it for us". The breaking up is not so much a threat, as a neutrally stated necessity that only one condition is able to avert.
     
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  17. Fouredged

    Fouredged Experienced.

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    Also, they are all preteens. Seriously, they are not in permanent relationships involving tons of super serious emotions and commitments. They are kids, experimenting with the adult concept of dating and relationships. If there is any age where it is OK for your girlfriend to decide you also need to date her friend, it's 13.
     
  18. Daunmi

    Daunmi Shun the sun, night so nice

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    Personally, and I'm aware this isn't a very modern view, I wouldn't be ok with my 13 year old child being in a relationship they'd be happy to describe as boyfriend/girlfriend.
     
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  19. TanaNari

    TanaNari Verified Dick

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    I agree fully. I also wouldn't be okay with my thirteen year old going to war against mass murdering psychopaths and giant monsters. Or, for that matter, being a mass murdering psychopath and/or giant monster.

    In fact, there's a lot of things in Worm I wouldn't be okay with.
     
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  20. tarrangar

    tarrangar Versed in the lewd.

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    I agree with you there its just it still makes more sense for a guy too see multiple girls than the opposite since a girl always knows the child is hers so no angst about that even if the guy is with 2 girls but if the girl is with 2 guys then the guy cant be sure the child is his.
     
  21. Snake/Eater

    Snake/Eater Myth Maker of the North

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    One of the things about worm that is the idea that a serial killer is acting like a surrogate parent(the Siberian) to a child(Riley) because that could happen in real-life.if Manton had really loved Riley like a parent,he could have kill easily jack in his sleep and gotten a deal with Doc Mom behind the scenes.I don't even think the triumvirate even knew that the Siberian was Manton.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2015
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  22. pheonix89

    pheonix89 Wanna be game dev

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    Manton has something of a bone to pick with Cauldron over the whole bit where a vial either killed his daughter or turned her into the Custodian.
     
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  23. Diller

    Diller Versed in the lewd.

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    At least Alexandria knew as she had to be talked out of hunting him down for killing Hero by Dr.Mother.
     
  24. Threadmarks: Amelia, Ch 245
    TanaNari

    TanaNari Verified Dick

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    Amelia, Ch 245


    "So, here's a bit of shocking news," Lisa said as we sat down in front of our teleconference screen.


    BoredomAnnoyance. "We're about to watch the PRT use our supersoldiers to 'liberate' Ellisburg," Taylor sighed. "Now you're going to spring surprises on us?"


    "Of course," she grinned. "We have to put on a good show for the Directors. Having something else on your minds will make it easier to fake."


    "We're in costume," Emma pointed out. "And the Taylia link disrupts social reading. And my biology is so different from human that even Rapture's tech can't get a real read on me anymore. The only one here vulnerable to being caught faking it is you."


    "Be that as it may," Lisa dismissed all those points. "It doesn't hurt to have an extra layer of thoughts. Remember, we're not suppose to know how this all plays out. Speaking of, I asked our Goblin King to toss in an extra surprise or two. The best monsters he could make to give the troops a real workout. They can't win, the PRT has them outnumbered and the M7S and M7K models can recover from almost any amount of damage. but it'll be interesting to see how these men handle something that can actually fight back."


    AnnoyanceConcern. "You have a talent for picking the worst possible times to give us important information."


    "Have to keep things interesting somehow, right?" Lisa kept on smiling. "You know I wouldn't leave out anything critical. So we don't have a lot of time before the op starts and we have to put on our token showing. Someone managed to grab Clarice's ribbon, so Riley has a boyfriend."


    WorryConfusion. "What? Who? How?" I asked. I don't even know what to think about this. "I have to talk to this boy."


    "And girl," Lisa added. ShockAnnoyance.


    "Seriously, Lisa," Emma interrupted. "Most people just use porn to get off. Do you need help? I can build you a machine that'll help you if that's what you need. Fuck, I'd let you borrow Zach if I wasn't afraid you'd break him. Riley is now together with Missy and Theo. Happened at the end of the first day of school. Missy snagged the scarf, and then they had a talk, and now Theo's dating both of them. It's as adorable as pretty much everything else those two get up to."


    ShockConfusion. Oh, good for her. CuriosityConcern. "Riley's had feelings for Theo for a while," I stated, letting Taylor know more than anything. "We've talked about it a few times. She said she'd never do anything about it because she didn't want to hurt Missy. Made me promise not to tell anyone." Sorry Taylor.


    AcceptanceNegation. "It's fine," Taylor replied. "Wasn't your secret to tell. So... what do we do about it? Should we talk to Theo?"


    "I wouldn't bother with Theo," Lisa replied. "No matter how you look at it, Missy wears the pants in that trio. If you have to worry about anyone taking advantage of anything, she'd be the one to look at."


    "Riley's happy with it," Emma offered. "I'm sure you've noticed." I found myself agreeing, she hadn't felt the need to stay in my bed for a few days. I thought it was just because she was excited about school again. And her spending as much time as humanly possible around Missy and Theo was already the norm.


    "And now you have something to think about while we pretend to care about Ellisburg," Lisa added. "Cameras on in three, two, one..."


    Our viewscreen activated, putting us proverbially face to face with several of the PRT directors, including Costa-Brown of course. Tagg and Armstrong, as the two 'neighbor' Directors to Calvert were also here. As well as a Jackson and Bennett, the Directors of Pittsburg and Philadelphia, respectively. I noted Dragon was here as well. Plus our special guest for the evening, Secretary of Defense Allen Brown.


    I was conspicuously aware of how young we were compared to the three women and five men at our virtual table, but Secretary Brown was especially old. Career military since Vietnam, according to the bio I read before the meeting. His hair was white instead of gray, but other than that feature he looked to be in better shape than most people in their forties.


    "Greetings ladies and gentlemen, Mister Secretary," the Chief Director opened. I didn't begrudge her singling him out for specific address. He was pretty much her boss. For both of her identities. "Director Calvert sends his apologies for being unable to attend. It appears, based upon Miss Alcott's predictions, that the numbers favor plans where he takes field command of the mission."


    Or maybe he hasn't, and he is here at this meeting in his other timeline, I added mentally. I wasn't certain how he was harnessing his power here, but Dinah gave this mission a virtually perfect chance of success no matter the circumstances, so I knew there was no benefit to the mission itself. I put my money on it being a matter of ego. One of those things I'd learned about Coil in the time since we took control over him was his obsession with personal glory. He didn't just need to win, he needed everyone to know it. He wanted to be hailed as a great hero, and would become a monster to do it.


    "I was under the impression that the mission was handled entirely by remote control," Secretary Brown spoke.


    "Yes, sir, it is," Lisa replied. "The men are all safely several miles away from Ellisburg. I imagine, as one of the survivors of the first Ellisburg mission, Director Calvert will have insights to deploy in the field that improve the results. Or it's possibly a morale issue. Some of the men might need field coaching. It is difficult to say for certain. However, Dinah's numbers don't lie. If her predictions give this plan gives the best results, then we should use it."


    The man frowned, but still nodded. I trusted Lisa to handle this situation. I also noted that she didn't say anything about Coil lying about the number Dinah gave.


    The conversation died after that, and we waited the few minutes in functional silence. There wasn't any pressing business to take care of, after all. Or at least none that could be done in this kind of mixed company.


    "The mission is starting," Dragon announced. The viewscreen changed into a complex three dimensional map relying upon Dragon's mapping technology fed through the two hundred M7S and another hundred M7K soldiers. We could change views manually if we liked, but Dragon's software was tracking everything with the promise to give us the best view of the action as it occurred.


    It was broad daylight when they dropped in, using their stealth features. The M7K held back, waiting for orders. Their Khonsu forcefields gave them boosted energy production, but cost them a lot of other options. Amongst others things, they didn't have cloaking features, advanced scanners, or built in energy weapons. The Simurgh models were, essentially, the scouts. Scouts that could solo a small army, but still scouts.


    Calvert's voice came over the view, giving commands and instructing his men on where to go. He's in one of the scout units, I realized. But he's still giving commands to his men in real time. That's how he's using his power, to give himself a semblance of Taylor's multitasking. Pure showboating, of course. Coil showing his skills off to his colleagues and superiors.


    The scouts did their thing, jumping from rooftop to rooftop and harnessing a number of exotic senses. "Perimeter established. Sir, we're not finding anything alive," one of them reported. "There's nothing here."


    "It just means Nilbog's creations don't register to the tech," Calvert responded. "This equipment is sensitive enough to detect a sparrow from a hundred meters away. The lack of normal animal life proves there's something here, if only because it's killing everything else. Release the bait animals."


    "Understood, sir," the man replied. We watched them get into position and open the cages. A number of birds and rodents were let loose, taking flight or scurrying for cover. Quickly followed by screeching and crunching picked up by the hypersensitive hearing features. One of the soldiers got a good look at one of the nightmarish creatures left behind. It had blended itself into one of the larger trees, naturally camouflaged for the snow. Several vicious looking barbed tendrils snapped out, killing the birds immediately.


    "Don't attack them," Calvert commanded. "Follow the dead animals, they'll lead us to Nilbog."


    "How does he know that?" one of the Directors asked.


    "He must have seen it when he was in Ellisburg the first time," Costa-Brown supplied.


    HorrorDisgustShame. I couldn't tell which emotions were mine, and which were Taylors. We recruited the monster that did all this. He turned thousands of human beings into raw material, and we gave him his own country.


    They were led further in, to the central chamber. "That's it," Calvert replied. "That's where you'll find him. Team twelve, find a way in from above. Eleven, ground level. One through ten, establish defensive points at all entrances. Everyone else, watch for enemy activity outside the secure zone."


    The invading teams entered, working their way to Nilbog's inner chamber. The bloated man-thing was there, engaging in... I looked away. It was like the worst of the creepy smut people wrote about me. The goblin creatures barely look more than six or seven years old.


    "Christ almighty," the Secretary of Defense muttered. "I know you don't need me to give the order, but kill that son of a bitch."


    "Happily, Sir," Calvert responded. "Team eleven, open fire. Every available attack type. All other units, prepare to engage hostiles. Leave nothing alive."


    The stone building exploded as the various energy weapons punched holes through the walls.


    The ground shuddered as monsters cried, screached, and roared at the 'death' of their maker, and the land came alive. The tree-spear monsters attacked several of the constructs, and I watched the display panels showing the unit conditions blinked. We had dumbed down versions compared to what existed for the pilots, but it was good enough for our purposes. More than half of them shifted from blue, undamaged. To green, very light damage.


    One of the bigger monsters burst from the ground. It was more or less humanoid, though it hunched and its arms were long enough to reach the ground. More like a reptilian version of a gorilla than anything. It was larger than Leviathan, perhaps even Behemoth. It was also fast, and violated all logic of the square cube law and how it limited living things. It gripped a pair of the M7s by the heads, and threw them. One managed to auto correct with its flight system. The other didn't have time, colliding with the side of a bank hard enough to crack the sone. Our first yellow icon appeared.


    "They had to fight things like that?" Tagg muttered. "No wonder we lost Ellisburg the first time."


    The giant found two more targets, and had taken to punching them into the road. They had switched to yellow as well.


    Then the M7Ks started to attack. Their extra durability and weight, plus not having stealth or range features to drain their resources, meant they were pure flying bricks. Four of them landed on the monster's back using their improved gravity flight systems. It was crushed into the earth hard enough to splinter the road around it. The four attackers then had to put their effots into digging their way out of the corpse they found themselves trapped in.


    The battle itself lasted another two hours, as Nilbogs monsters, with their massive numerical advantage, threw themselves suicidally at the soldiers, who had the advantage of tactics, weapons, and superior bodies on their side. They won, but it wasn't close to a fast victory. I glanced at the clock. It was almost time for the kids to get back from school.


    "That concludes the first true field test of the Model 7s," Minerva responded. "I believe I speak for all of us when I call this an unqualified success."


    AgreementPrideConfidence. She was right. During the conflict, only one of them had even blinked orange, and that was after being swallowed whole by one of the creatures and then hit with a bombardment of our own weapons.


    ==============


    A/N- Shoutout to all you pervs writing creepy creepy Panacea smut. You know who you are.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2015
  25. mistfist

    mistfist Protector of Moe

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    Shouldn't this be Director Calvert?
     
  26. daimahou

    daimahou Gentleman Tentacle(s)

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    Time to get their hands on it and they shall recreate the Endbringers in their image.
     
  27. cosoco

    cosoco Not too sore, are you?

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    newline
    This sounds so sexual.
    italics
    Right, Amy, because none of the other people in the room were confused by that.
    PanaceaxNilbog confirmed?

    Since his name is Jamie Rinke, I suggest Jamelia as the name of the ship.
     
  28. TanaNari

    TanaNari Verified Dick

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    Who in the room other than Taylor would have been confused?
     
  29. jaelin910

    jaelin910 habitual lurker

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    that was so confusing the first time through. I was wondering why 'Oh, good for her' coming through the empathic link was completely ignored by Amelia. it wasn't until I looked at it again that I realised it was empathic link-thoughts-empathic link.
     
  30. Slayer Anderson

    Slayer Anderson Orthodox Heretic

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    Yeah, Lisa needs to get laid. Emma should build, like...a sex-ray or something for her. Or Lisa should just go ahead and admit that she and Alexandria are hopelessly in love with each other.

    Also, TanaNari...is that supposed to be italicized? Because that's...not an emotion. If it's an accident, that's cool, but, if it's not...that may mean...things.
     
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