Cosmos Quest (Naruto/Lupin III)

[X] I'm sorry Jiraiya, but that's just too over the top. Unless that's just the intro you roll out for the kids? No, man, what you need to do is...
We were a cool dude, and are currently a classy lady. We can help this guy out.

 

[X] "Oh, that explains it. I've always wondered, does visiting a hot spring count as a business expense when you're a pornographer?"

 

[X] :3 "Huh. A toad summoner? What're the odds? I'm under consideration for a summoning contract myself."

 

I'm still holding out hope that we'll pick up the Cat contract at some point in the future.

 

It kills me to have to admit this, but... Lupin isn't cool. He is merely a massive dork who does cool stuff. Like the Doctor, but with a sex drive.

(Nu-Who doesn't count. -_-)

 

[X] "Oh, that explains it. I've always wondered, does visiting a hot spring count as a business expense when you're a pornographer?"

 

[X] "Oh, that explains it. I've always wondered, does visiting a hot spring count as a business expense when you're a pornographer?"

 

Then our help will make Jiraiya worse. I'm okay with that, too.

 

This, basically. ^_^;

Hm, embed crapped out on me.

 

[X] "Oh, that explains it. I've always wondered, does visiting a hot spring count as a business expense when you're a pornographer?

 

[X] "Oh, that explains it. I've always wondered, does visiting a hot spring count as a business expense when you're a pornographer?"

 

[X] "Oh, that explains it. I've always wondered, does visiting a hot spring count as a business expense when you're a pornographer?"

His face acquires a grimace, and a twitch to his right eye.

"... what's the matter?" you ask, feigning innocence.

"... what... WHAT THE HELL KIND OF KID ARE YOU?!" he hollers, pointing at you in an accusatory manner.

You shrug, grinning. "Me? I'm Ino the Fifth. Yamanaka the Fifteenth, Konoha's Poisonous Blossom, if you wanna get technical."

"That's not what I meant!" He starts moving his finger up and down, as if trying to include the entirety of your being in his pointing. "For starters, nice little girls don't use the ore pronoun! You are entirely uncute!"

"How cruel!" You turn on the shiny-good-girl eyes. "How could you say such a terrible thing? Did... did I do something wrong?"

"Much better!" He gives you a thumbs-up and a look of relief.

Wow. Note to self, use of 'atashi can only creep out people with more brains than a loaf of bread where chicks are concerned. -_-;

"And another thing," he says, "you're too young to know about..." Hah! Is this for real? He's a grown man, why is he blushing? "... this and that!"

"What's this and that?" you ask with a smirk. "Do you mean sex?"

"Augh! This is just.. y-y-you should be having this conversation with your parents!"

^_^ "I did have this conversation with my parents. How do you think I know what sex is?"

"Stop saying that!" >_<

"Geez," you say, shaking your head, "that's pretty sad. Mr Big Bad Sannin can write books about gettin' it on, but get 'im in the presence of a lady and he can't even say the word."

"What lady?! All I see here is a warped, uncouth brat!"

"And all I see is a middle-aged guy with absolutely no moves, so I guess we're both a little disappointed."

"YOU-!"

"KEEP IT DOWN OVER THERE!" A bucket flies over the barrier and, in defiance of all narrative convention, completely fails to hit either of you on the head. It lands in the empty bath beside you instead.

=

You are a best-selling author, a sage, and a member of the Sannin, and you ain't gotta take this kinda lip from any rugrat. Time for the no-fail impression-maker with kids: cool jutsu.

"No moves?" you growl, turning so she's out of the line of fire. "How's this for no moves?"

[X] "Housenka no Jutsu!" Little kids love fireflies, right? This is basically like a lethal version of that. Razzledazzle'er.

[X] "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" A large adorable animal is always a hit, especially if it can talk. Toads are cute, right?

[X] Hell, she talks like a delinquent; maybe petty vandalism is the way to get her on your side. Shikoku Fuuin it is!

 

[jk]Inopin ,Troll harder electric bogaloo

 

I think my favourite part of this snip is just how hypocritical Lupino's being without realizing it. This whole thing will be way less funny to her the first time she starts stuttering and laughing like an idiot around someone she likes.

 

[X] Hell, she talks like a delinquent; maybe petty vandalism is the way to get her on your side. Shikoku Fuuin it is!

Cause why not? Ino doesn't have a Fire Affinity, the summon option doesn't really appeal much, but at the risk of being sidetracked by seals, being able to engrave them on the spot is some pretty damn neat utility.

 

[X] Hell, she talks like a delinquent; maybe petty vandalism is the way to get her on your side. Shikoku Fuuin it is!

Forget seals, forget utility, forget practicality, this seriously increases the number of things on which we can write "Ino was here." Petty vandalism indeed.

 

[X] Hell, she talks like a delinquent; maybe petty vandalism is the way to get her on your side. Shikoku Fuuin it is!

 

This.

Edit: Seals also give a chance to segue into 'Oh yeah, I was unlocking infant-containment crib seals since I was... well, a baby~' chat.

 

Goddamn that was brilliant.
I envy your incredible writing talent.

[X] "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" A large adorable animal is always a hit, especially if it can talk. Toads are cute, right?

 

Wah! ./////.; D-don't get carried away, here; I'm a competent hack at best. This is the literary equivalent of a four-chord song.

 

[X] Hell, she talks like a delinquent; maybe petty vandalism is the way to get her on your side. Shikoku Fuuin it is!

 

[X] Hell, she talks like a delinquent; maybe petty vandalism is the way to get her on your side. Shikoku Fuuin it is!

 

*grml*

Good writing.

When you read it.

 

Four-chord songs you say?

[embed=425,349]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pidokakU4I[/embed]

[X] Hell, she talks like a delinquent; maybe petty vandalism is the way to get her on your side. Shikoku Fuuin it is!

 

I remember that medley! : D Love that thing.

 

[X] Hell, she talks like a delinquent; maybe petty vandalism is the way to get her on your side. Shikoku Fuuin it is!

 

But not all pop hits are four chord songs. Some of them are the canon.

[embed=425,349]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrNy2Z6ZfIA[/embed]

Edit: And I just realized that some songs show up in both videos. Shit.

 

[X] Serenade

With a flourish, Jiraiya scrawls your name in flamboyant, three-foot-high script on the barrier.

You whistle. You can't help it. First of all, he got the kanji right; that never happens - everyone always assumes you're literally named Piggy.

Second of all, he did it with his finger.

"All comments regarding your player cred have been withdrawn," you say with an impressed nod.

The sage nods smugly, before frowning slightly. "... that's not an apology..."

"That is one hell of a technique." You touch the kanji; the glow of the chakra hides it, but it's actually been etched into the wall a bit. "Does it work like Jyuuken, where you have to keep pulsing your chakra regularly to make an impact, or do you let it out in a constant stream and loop it on itself like in a seal?"

... what is he looking at me like that for? It's weirdly intense, whatever the reason is; it's kinda like that expression Dad gets from time to time, where it seems like he's looking through you.

"Ano... tottsan?" you ask, and something wiggles happily in the back of your mind. Great, now you've moved on to weirding yourself out.

Jiraiya seems to snap out of it. "Mm? Oh, it's nothing. And don't call me an old man, I'm still in the prime of life!"

Awful long time to be thinking about nothing, you think uneasily, but you let it slide. He's launched into an explanation of how the technique functions, and despite yourself, you're interested.

"Awesome," you say when he's done, and promptly add some furigana next to the kanji.

"YOU IDIOT!" he yells, grabbing your hand.

"OI! DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE, BOYS!"

"Were you paying attention at all?!"

You raise an eyebrow, look over at the completed kana, and then back at him.

Jiraiya sighs in frustration. "I meant the fact that this is a C-rank jutsu that even most genin would have trouble with. You could have-"

"Permanently paralysed my hand?" you guess with a snicker. "Yeah, you're a little late to that party, tottsan; people've been telling me I was going to lose my hand for as long as I've been playing with seals. If it didn't happen the first three hundred times-"

"What?!" Glancing with an anticipatory wince at the barrier, he turns back to you with an incredulous expression. "How long have you been experimenting on seals?"

"'Bout seven years, give or take."

"You're eight!"

"See, you know that, and yet you don't think to wish me a happy birthday. This is why women don't like you."

Eventually the whole story comes out.

"... this is... hell, there isn't a word for this," Jiraiya says, squatting next to you as you demonstrate your speed and efficacy on a seal that serves as the sage's sock drawer. "Congratulations, ko-musume, you won the genetic lottery."

"I think I figured that out when I turned out to have a dual-affinity bloodline, but thanks," you say cheerfully.

"..."

"Oh, it's completely unusable for the most part, 'cause my reserves suck and there's no one to teach me how to use the elements together even if they didn't. It's not a huge deal; I'm really more interested in genjutsu and infiltration, anyway."

"....."

Yeesh. With this reaction you're glad you didn't mention the whole Cat issue. ._.;

"... right." he says finally. "It's late. You should go to bed. I'm going to go have words with some people about... some stuff." He stands, and dusts himself off.

"Wait!" you say.

[X] "... will I see you around sometime?" He's a dork, but he's kinda fun. And he knows stuff.

[X] "Dad said I can only move on to more advanced seals if I get instruction from a seal master first. Can you write me a note or something?"

[X] "In my room there's a lovely violet-haired lady who's one of your biggest fans. She'd kill me if I met you and didn't bring you around to say hello."

----------

The cello is actually my favourite part of Pachelbel's Canon in D.

 

[X] "... will I see you around sometime?" He's a dork, but he's kinda fun. And he knows stuff.

 

[X] "In my room there's a lovely violet-haired lady who's one of your biggest fans. She'd kill me if I met you and didn't bring you around to say hello."