Cosmos Quest (Naruto/Lupin III)

[X] Milestones

>__< "Y'know, when you said you wanted help training in jutsu, the nice thing to do would've been to go into detail about what kind of help you wanted, exactly."

You roll your eyes. "You're the dumbass who said yes without asking. Considering what everyone else in school considers 'awesome jutsu', you're lucky you aren't regrowing some burnt-off eyebrows right now."

The anaesthetic Mom gave you to practice with is probably the weakest poison she has; dentists use it in stronger quantities to numb mouths before extracting teeth. It's used in preference to ordinary unsanitary water because if your jutsu can purify intentional poisonings out of your drinking supply, chances are it can handle anything nature can throw at it.

When you were first starting out with it your main test subject was yourself, but over time, as Mom had warned you might happened, the 'safe' dose didn't have an effect strong enough to be noticeable to you anymore. You think you've perfected Shisetsu Jousuichi no Jutsu, but how the hell are you supposed to tell?

That's where an Inuzuka guinea pig comes in handy. Kiba'll taste even a single drop of something off, no matter how many times he drinks the stuff.

"Man, aren't you some taijutsu prodigy? Isn't that why you got skipped ahead?" he asks, leaning lazily on the desk, watching you pour about half the remaining amount of liquid into the water cup. "Why're you wasting time on survival jutsu?"

"I got skipped ahead because I'm not a taijutsu prodigy," you say with a sigh, screwing the lid back on the bottle; no matter how many times you explain your circumstances, he never seems to get it. "And whaddya mean wasting time? Your whole clan is about wilderness skills and stuff."

"Yeah, and I wanna know why you're hornin' in."

You stir the mixture with a plastic swizzle stick. "Because I'm not going to be on a team with an Inuzuka, remember?"

"You don't know that," Kiba says sullenly.

"I've known that since I was four," you reply jadedly. "All that stuff about grades determining the teams is just a front for the politics. The Yamanaka, Akimichi and Nara heirs are always on the same team because our parents would complain if it didn't happen. Why do you think Shika-chan never does any work?"

"'Cause he's a lazy bastard," Kiba replies flatly.

"Yeah, 'cause he can be. It's not just the Ino-Shika-Cho thing, either," you add. "The jounin trade people around based on who they want to teach, I think. I mean, what's the point of an apprenticeship where you weren't actually picked by your teacher?"

Kiba scowls. "Whatever! I don't care! Just do the damn jutsu so we can go out for recess!" Akamaru barks in favour of this motion.

"Geez, okay, I was just answering your question." You cast the jutsu.

"Finally!" He throws the drink back with no ceremony, and wipes his mouth on his sleeve. "There. Can we go now?"

Well if he's gonna be that way about it, time to get him back a bit.

O.O "KIBA!" you shout.

"What?" he asks.

"The anaesthesia hasn't been drawn out yet!" you lie dramatically. "The handseals are just the first part of the technique!"

"... WHAT!" He leaps to his feet in a panic, looking around as though expecting someone to just appear and hand him the antidote. Akamaru licks his forehead and whimpers, trying to calm him down, but to no avail. "B-B-B-But I didn't taste it!"

"Because you just swallowed it!" you point out. "If you had even bothered to taste it properly-"

He flutters around like a concussed bird. "I-I-I need to go to a doctor! Am I gonna die?"

"No, no, don't worry about that," you say soothingly, "it's the same stuff they use at the dentist's, only stronger. You're just gonna be, um... drooling. Uncontrollably. For a few hours, at least."

Up to this point your poker face has held admirably.

But then this happens:

"WHA-WHA-WAN-WAN WOOF?!"

And you laugh your ass off.

It's cruel, it's unfair, and it's the funniest thing you've seen in months. Seriously, he didn't say 'woof', although that would have been great too, he genuinely barked. You lean over on the desk, gasping for breath. You laugh so hard that you can't even break off to tell him he didn't drink anything.

"Damn it, nekobuta, I'll give you something to laugh about!"

His sharp teeth nick your lower lip. His mouth still tastes like the tempura he had for lunch.

"There!" he says triumphantly, shoving you back into your chair. "Now you have to drool on yourself too!"

You blink. That... you think, wasn't where I expected this to go.

A smirk crosses your face. But okay.

"Gochis'-san da, Kiba-chan~" you trill, and rising to your feet, you dash for the windows and throw one open. You toss off an Utsusemi, and take a deep breath.

"GOOD AFTERNOON, DISTINGUISHED CLASSMATES!" you shout at the top of your lungs. The kids on the field below look around in confusion, before someone spots you and points.

"INO!" Iruka-sensei calls angrily from a bench, "come down from there and stop yelling!" Hee. He's a lot less intimidating with one of Suzume-sensei's homemade bento in his hand.

"Ino...? What the hell are you doing?" Kiba asks worriedly.

"LET THE WORD GO FORTH FROM THIS TIME AND PLACE~!" you declare, flashing a manic grin. "I, YAMANAKA INO, HAVE STOLEN INUZUKA KIBA'S FIRST KISS!" Aaaaand just to cap it all off, some evil laughter. There! That should do it.

"... is that all?" someone asks as you shut the window. Pff. Philistine.

Meanwhile, Kiba has been bonking his head gently against the wall and groaning.

Akamaru makes a chuff noise that you'd bet ryo to yen means, Drama queen.

----------

tsuzuku~

 

...
Yeah, I didn't saw that coming.

 

Menaka is going to kick Kiba's ass. So is Sasuke.

 

Kiba, you're awesome. And fun.

Why didn't we pick you sooner?!

 

hahaha that was great once Kiba bit Ino's lip I knew she was going to troll

 

Cats&Dogs the eternal cycle-
Needs more Kiba&Menke

Or Akamaru and Menke bemoaning to each other how there humans act while sharing a meal.

 

Right. Options.

See fun times with (pick two):

[X] Shikamaru

[X] Chouji

[X] Sasuke

[X] Kiba

[X] Ami

[X] Menka

[X] Lee

Pass-times:

[X] Memory Palace
-> [X] Constructs
-> [X] Attempt to build a dream complex to link your existing palaces together
[X] Gun research
[X] So. Ranton. Wonder if you can do anything neat with that. (will require some write-in-ageness)
[X] Tessenjutsu

 

Can we do
[X] Neji & Lee's advanced taijutsu funtimes?

[X] Memory Palace Constructs
Like, people? Man, we have so many good candidates.

 

[X] Sasuke
[X] Ami

[X] Memory Palace
-> [X] Constructs


I like Kiba, but Sasuke and Ami oughta be enormously entertaining, and we've already started on a construct for Sasuke. Let's see if we can perfect it this way, then focus on chaining palaces together.

 

[X] Kiba
[X]Menka

[X] Memory Palace
-> [X] Constructs

 

[X] Kiba
[X] Menka

[X] Gun research

 

[X] Lee
[X] Menka

[X] Gun research

 

[X] Sasuke
[X] Ami

[X] Tessenjutsu

 

[X] Menka
[X] Lee

[X] Tessenjutsu

 

[X] Kiba
[X]Menka

[X] Gun research

 

Actually....Kiba and Menka DOES sound pretty fun.

So switch me to:

[X] Kiba
[X] Menka

 

[X] Sasuke
[X] Ami

[X] Gun research

 

[X] Ami
[X] Sasuke
[X] Memory Palace
-> [X] Attempt to build a dream complex to link your existing palaces together

 

Himekawa Ayumi- Our grandmother on our mom's side?


[X] Kiba
[X]Menka

[X] Gun research

 

[X] Outsmart Boollit?

"... these are pretty fun," Kiba says, looking thoughtfully at the hunting rifle in his hands and the neat bullethole in the target. "Kinda loud, though. Why don't we learn how to use them in the Academy, again?"

"I think it's 'cause of how inefficient they can be," you say, making notes on the latest refinements you've made. "They only get one or two shots off before you need to load more bullets. And they're kinda big; you'd need a storage seal to carry one discreetly."

"Well, when you work out the details, make me one first, you got that? I call dibs."

Akamaru whimpers in dismay, and Menka pats him sympathetically, offering him some of his fish.

"I don't think I've met a dog who liked fish before," you reflect, watching as Akamaru eagerly tears into the offering.

"Yeah, Akamaru can be picky like that," Kiba says, taking aim at the target again. "None of the other nin-dogs like seafood, so I hafta make his meals special or he pouts."

You nod and 'hmm' like an old man. "How admirable. You make a wonderful mother, Kiba-chan."

"Shut up," he grumbles, and fires again.

"So this is what you skipped out on our grappling practice for," Inuzuka Hana says as she steps out from behind a tree.

Kiba looks stricken, and drops the gun. "Nee-chan-"

"You're Yamanaka Ino, right?" she asks, turning away from her brother with a 'friendly' 'smile'. "The one who tricked him into kissing you?" Oh, hello, Mr Kunai, you're looking particularly pointy today.

Kiba frantically motions behind her back for you to run while you still can.

"And you're Hana-san," you say brightly. "You were the one who spent most of her time making out with her boyfriend while Yuu-san played with me on the floor."

Her expression abruptly changes to one of shock. "What...? How do you...?"

You let out a noblewoman's laugh that once made Ami's hair stand on end, and snap open your tessen to hide your mouth demurely. "You mustn't underestimate a Yamanaka genius, Hana-san!" You smirk. "I even remember that your bra was red with black lace on it - how daring!"

Kiba makes an 'urk' noise, expression one of fascinated horror. Menka facepaws.

"Th-that's in the past!" the veterinarian declares hotly. "What's important now are your intentions toward my little brother!"

"What, Kiba?" You size him up. "He's not a very good kisser, but then, from what I recall, that runs in the family."

Hana looms, making a high-pitched hissing noise through her gritted teeth. "You little-!"

You make calming gestures with your hands, laughing in glee. "Maa, maa, cool down, Hana-san; it's a joke, a joke!" You tuck your fan away. "You can rest easy knowing I'm not tryin' ta seduce your brother. I'm not that kinda girl." You pause. "Well, actually, I'm pretty sure I'm entirely that kinda girl, but that's beside the point. Kiba's just my friend and I like to give him shit. That's all."

Hana takes several long, calming breaths. "Why didn't you just say that?" she says finally.

"Because you bare your fangs when you're angry and it's really cute," you say cheerfully.

She stares at you, and then sighs. "You really are a Poisonous Blossom," she mutters, and with a shake of her head, she walks back the way she came.

Kiba looks at her retreating back, then at you.

"... are you a witch?" he asks in wholly sincere awe.

"... I'll get back to ya on that."

"KIBA! AKAMARU! HOME! ON THE DOUBLE!"

"YES!" Kiba shouts immediately, running after his sister, Akamaru following. "See ya, Ino."

You wave after them, and pick up the gun to put it away. Damn it. You'd just got all set up to analyse the differences in the various bullets you've devised, too. You can't fire the rifle yourself, the recoil'd break your shoulder like a piece of kindling.

"I can take over, if you want," Menka volunteers, and in a puff of henge smoke, he's in the same guise he wore to visit you in the hospital when you were seven.

"That form won't take too much out of you, will it?" you ask, handing over the weapon.

He shakes his head. "I'm actually more comfortable like this than as a kid." He deliberately avoids your eyes under the guise of checking out the sight. "Y'know I'm really older than you, right?"

"Mm. You'e achieved the dream of little brothers everywhere and surpassed your elder sibling in age and strength," you tease. "I'm not surprised you'd want height to go with it."

"That wasn't my dream," he says, picking up a pair of tester bullets and loading the rifle anew. "You know what my dream is."

"Even if you don't get a summoning contract, or you get it with someone else, I'll help you become the best ninja in Konoha. I promise."

You smile wistfully. "Yeah. I remember. We were about the same age then, weren't we?"

Menka laughs quietly. "Y'know," he muses, aiming the gun, "Gyogo is a great language, and I've never regretted studying it, but in some ways it's really deficient."

"Yeah?" you ask, surprised at this sudden turn in conversation.

"We were never the same age," he says, and fires, flinching as he does so. <"You were older than me, and then one day I was older than you.">

You recognize the phrase.

It's from a poem by Shiroi-no-Nraohi, a Fortress-born artist distantly related to Menka. The original line goes 'I was older than he, and then one day he was older than I'.

She wrote it about a human, her lover, as his eulogy.

"I'm sorry, Ino," Menka says, handing you the gun and making the notes himself. "I'm not mad at you. You didn't do anything. I just..." He stares at the Hokage Monument. "... one minute I'm makin' cool-guy promises to the girl of my dreams, and the next I'm an adult, and the first thought through my head when I hear she's kissing boys is, 'so she's at that age now; isn't that cute'."

He falls silent.

He takes back the gun, and aims it at the target again. "It's almost funny," he remarks, taking a deep breath. "If Nekomata hadn't banished the Clan, I never even would have met you."

You have no idea what to say. "You're probably right."

"Regardless..."

This bang, coming so close on the heels of the last one, doesn't send any birds or other animals scattering. It just leaves another hole in the target, so far to the left in the outer circle that the bullet very nearly missed it entirely.

"... I cannot forgive him."

----------

Only one choice this time. Who would you rather be on a team with?

[X] Sasuke

[X] Ami

 

The two of them ?

 

Not an option, I'm afraid.

 

But, but, if we choose one, they won't be together!

 

[X] Ami

 

[X] Ami

 

[X] Ami

Less angst than team sasuke.

 

Are you willing to offer information on the rest of the team?

 

Aw Menka. You're still a cool guy.
Given his promise, maybe we wanna make him a promise about the fortress-born? I dunno, killing isn't really our style, but...

If we get on a team alone with Sakkun, Ami will MURDER US.

Also, I'm kinda bummed that this means we aren't gonna be Ino-Shika-Cho.

 

[X] Ami

 

Aye poor Menke, especialy as he will most likely die when we just started to be an adult.