Cosmos Quest (Naruto/Lupin III)

Yes Please.

 

Right on. Do you want your third teammate to be Kiba or Naruto in this scenario? Or Ami, maybe?

 

Naruto, of course. I wants me a smoking crater.

 

This.. Smoking craters are always fun.

 

[X] Genjutsu


[X] Menka
[X] Hinata

Request a C-rank in your second month?

[X] Yes

 

My gut wants to hang with Shika and Chouji, but my brain says
(x) Kiba and Ami
Let the teams get comfortable with each other for a while first.

(x) Tessenjutsu
We have all that speed, I don't see Asuka letting it go to waste.

And when do we learn Yamanaka mind-powers?

 

Yare yare. One thing I have learned from this GMing experience, never again will I toss new abilities in your path in such abundance. It's a bitch to keep track of all this shit.

You can make a write in to start learning Yamanaka stuff. I will allow it happily.

 

I'd like an omake. But....I'd vote for Kiba. Because Naruto is a spotlight hog with us. Furiko straight up said that Ino and Naruto have personalities such that they'd be competing and one upping each other.

Now, Sasuke being the sane and reasonable one between Lupino and Naruto sounds hilarious. BUT it means less screentime and glorious trolling between Kakashi and Lupino. And since the latter is what I'm after, it's easier to bring the dog to heel than the fox.

Also, if Kakashi and his ninken can't troll the fuck outta Kiba too with minimal effort, I'll buy a hat to eat it.

 

Now, now, Hymn, it's an omake. The whole point is to give the people what they want but can't have in the main storyline.

And to indulge a GM's flights of fancy and desire to test herself. >: 3 I wanna see if I can snare that fox and bend it to my will. It's the Uchiha in me.

 

Then that is what I'll do.

Forget tessenjutsu,
[X] Now that dad trusts that we’re not gonna go all SB up ins again, let’s get to the mind-raping powers already! Ami making fun of us for being a fainting maiden is also required.

As for C-rank... honestly?
[X] No.
Just to screw with Ami and Kiba - and Asuma, because even the ex-monk is probably bored out of his skull supervising this stuff. Wide-eyed look: "But guys! Think of all the fence-painting and grocery errands we'd be missing out on! The Will of Fire demands that we babysit until our collective hatred of D-ranks forges us into an unparalleled team!"
-[X] Also, keep pulling the Tora mission.

 

[X] Yamanaka Mind Stuff.

[X] Kiba
[X] Ami

[X] No

Oooohh, mind powers. Shiny.

More seriously, I'd like to get the basics of our family specialty before heading out into a possible combat situation that could result in us having someone to interrogate.

In a sane rational world the first C-rank a team goes on is unlikely to be dangerous. In a world that runs on narrative causality, it's pretty much guaranteed to involve gratuitous violence.

I'm not sure where Furiko's world falls between those two, but it's something to think about.

 

[X] Tessenjutsu
[X] Kiba and Akamaru
[X] Menka
Cats and Dogs I say Cats and Dogs!
And honestly because of the inherent tragedy in the Kiba+Menka Combination.
Or Menka giving a big brother speach to him.

[X] Yes
-[X] Also, keep pulling the Tora mission.

 

[X] Yamanaka Mind Stuff.

[X] Kiba
[X] Ami

[X] No

 

[X] Now that dad trusts that we’re not gonna go all SB up ins again, let’s get to the mind-raping powers already! Ami making fun of us for being a fainting maiden is also required.

[X] Kiba
[X] Ami

As for C-rank... honestly?
[X] No.
Just to screw with Ami and Kiba - and Asuma, because even the ex-monk is probably bored out of his skull supervising this stuff. Wide-eyed look: "But guys! Think of all the fence-painting and grocery errands we'd be missing out on! The Will of Fire demands that we babysit until our collective hatred of D-ranks forges us into an unparalleled team!"
-[X] Also, keep pulling the Tora mission.

 

[X] Now that dad trusts that we’re not gonna go all SB up ins again, let’s get to the mind-raping powers already! Ami making fun of us for being a fainting maiden is also required.

[X] Kiba
[X] Ami

As for C-rank... honestly?
[X] No.
Just to screw with Ami and Kiba - and Asuma, because even the ex-monk is probably bored out of his skull supervising this stuff. Wide-eyed look: "But guys! Think of all the fence-painting and grocery errands we'd be missing out on! The Will of Fire demands that we babysit until our collective hatred of D-ranks forges us into an unparalleled team!"
-[X] Also, keep pulling the Tora mission.

 

[X] Now that dad trusts that we’re not gonna go all SB up ins again, let’s get to the mind-raping powers already! Ami making fun of us for being a fainting maiden is also required.

[X] Kiba
[X] Ami

As for C-rank... honestly?
[X] No.
Just to screw with Ami and Kiba - and Asuma, because even the ex-monk is probably bored out of his skull supervising this stuff. Wide-eyed look: "But guys! Think of all the fence-painting and grocery errands we'd be missing out on! The Will of Fire demands that we babysit until our collective hatred of D-ranks forges us into an unparalleled team!"
-[X] Also, keep pulling the Tora mission.

 

[X] Ninja Hymns!

 

Hey now, credit where it's due. I yoinked Guile's and added Kiba and Ami to it, that's all.

 

Furiko's Omake Theatre~!​

Scenes From A Parallel World Where Team Kakashi Consists Of Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, and Yamanaka Ino

"Well, we do have C-rank escort mission that just came in-"

"We'll take it," Sasuke cuts in. "Anything to end his complaining."

"But we promised Gin-kun we'd help him build a bigger cake-mix-balloon-launcher next week!" you protest.

"Ah, that would be Hijikata Gin, yes?" Iruka-sensei looks at you over the sheaf of paper in his hand. "His parents have requested that you never be assigned to babysit their son again. Ever."

You sniff. "Artists often go unappreciated in their own time."

"That's true, that's true," Naruto agrees solemnly. He pats you on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Ino-chan! We'll make it up to him when we get back."

You're not sure, but you think the Hokage smiled at you for a moment there.

"The mission is to escort a young woman and her son back to their village in the Land of Waves..."

=

"I'm not leaving them."

You and Naruto blink at each other in surprise. That was eerie. It was like you shared a wavelength for the second it took both of you to say that.

"Ino, she lied to us," Sasuke says. "If she had pulled this on another genin team they would have been killed, just because she didn't want to pay for an A-rank!"

You smile at Tsunami. "It's a lady's prerogative to bend the truth from time to time."

The anxious spiral in her chakra loosens slightly, but her son still clings to her leg, trembling.

"You really are a piece of work, you know that, you asshole?" Naruto scowls at Sasuke. "What kind of guy abandons a mom and her kid to fend for themselves in the middle of nowhere?"

Sasuke grits his teeth. "What kind of adult hires genin to protect her from missing-nin?"

"Maa, maa," Kakashi cuts off both your protests and Naruto's, turning to your client. "Tsunami-san must have her reasons, I'm sure."

=

Tsunami's son doesn't talk much. He doesn't do anything very much, besides shadow his mom everywhere she goes. After what happened to his father and grandfather you can't really blame him for that.

One night you wake to his sobbing pleas for his mom to just give up on the bridge and run. Evidently he's had some sort of nightmare and she's trying to soothe him back to sleep.

They aren't pleasant sounds, but they're made even less so by the addition of Naruto grumbling in the next tent that maybe the kid needs to toughen up, and the scuffle with Sasuke that it provokes.

You try to lighten the mood over breakfast by making tsundere jokes about your teammates with Kakashi-sensei, but your heart isn't really in it.

=

The 'throne room' has the jubilant lack of class typical of yakuza interior decorating. Its new occupant either can't be fussed to redecorate or, perhaps, takes a kind of morbid pleasure in preserving his former employer's office just as it was.

"So," Kakuzu says, drumming his fingers on a severed, eyeless, grey-haired head, "you think you're in a position to negotiate. That's cute."

"Think of it as an investment," you say, your voice sounding as cheerful and relaxed as it can be. "If you hold us for ransom, you get the opportunity to collect that ransom, along with the bounties of whoever Konoha trusts to retrieve the Last Uchiha. But you also stand a reasonable chance of dying or at least ruining your reputation, since the kind of guys we'd trust to do that are coincidentally the guys who tend to be in your league, and I'll bet the same is true of Kumo and all the other villages who'd love to put Sakkun out to stud."

Huh. Sasuke's expression at this description looks remarkably conflicted. Maybe he's finally entered puberty.

"Even if you emerge victorious in the end," you continue, "you're not getting top dollar, since what people are paying for is breeding-rights and/or research materials. It's a huge hassle for little gain. Whereas if you let Sasuke go back to Konoha and access his considerable fortune as head of the Uchiha Clan," you gesture expansively with both arms, "you could have a boatload of cash to help you solidify your claim over Gato Corp without having to lift a finger. You can even keep me and Naruto as collateral until the money arrives," you add, ignoring Naruto's squawk of protest at this. Honestly, he's the one who said you should avenge Kakashi's death. Doesn't he know an opportunity when he sees it?

Kakuzu's face is unreadable, but his chakra sounds... promising.

Eventually, he rises from his chair. At six feet tall, he looms over you and everyone else in the room.

"What makes you think I won't just kill all three of you right now?" he inquires, and you have to force yourself not to gasp at the pressure of manifest malice he suddenly exudes.

Oh, don't you dare try to frighten me, zombie-man; Itachi's scarier than you will ever be, and you'll find that out if you kill Sasuke.

"Because you don't seem particularly stupid," you say bluntly.

Two sets of pupil-less eyes bore into each other.

=

I asked sensei once if it was true that Kakuzu the Five-Hearted was the one who gave she and her teammates their title. She laughed, and said she was glad he didn't; if he had 'had a Hanzo moment', as she put it, she wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face.

"He just told us to get the hell out of his office and not to come back until we were each worth at least twenty million. To this day, I have no idea how we pulled that one off."

- from the prologue of Beckoning Cat: The Nine Lives of Yamanaka Ino Gosei, by Kuroba Kaito

The enduring popularity of the classic film The Tale of Uzumaki Naruto, along with the real-life story of the Legendary Sannin facing down Hanzo the Salamander, has ensured that the idea of Kakuzu bestowing titles upon a young Team Kakashi is permanently fixed in the public consciousness, despite the first recorded instance of the term 'Omamori-tachi' to describe them not occurring until approximately two years later, well after the First Invasion of Konoha. Uzumaki Naruto Monogatari is, however, accurate in its depiction of the reactions of each of the children to their new nicknames; Golden Toad Naruto's enthusiastic insistence on being addressed as such is drawn directly from his correspondence (all known letters from his tenure as Shichidaime Hokage are signed with the title), as is Sasuke the Daruma's undisguised loathing for that epithet.

- from Utterly Gutsy Ninja: The Fourth Shinobi War and the Shaping of the Modern Heroic Ideal, by Hyuuga Mejiro

"If I had actually nicknamed them, I'd have called them the Retirement Fund."

- quote attributed to Kakuzu

----------

Don't worry, the fun one'll be along shortly. I just had a few ideas about a Wave Arc, and since I'm not going to inflict one on you I figured this was as good a time as any to dump 'em out of my head.

 

We would have had so much fun with Naruto

 

That reminds me, is there a standing order out there for us never to met Anko ?After all if we decided to work together on something..

And it seems I missed I Cultural note or mistranslated it butTalisman sword for our title?

 

Omamori are good luck charms. I couldn't find the general word for lucky-item, so I had to use the one for the keychain-type sold at shrines. Maneki-neko and jin chan are for attracting money and general good fortune, while daruma are a symbol of perseverance and the zen mindset.

-tachi is a suffix that lets you group everyone under a single heading to simplify conversations. You can say Sanada from work met up with Yoshida, Watanabe and Kirisame for drinks, or if those three are known to be friends who hang out a lot, you can say she met up with Yoshida-tachi. It's most commonly used in English fandom when referring to Mutou Yugi and his friends as Yugi-tachi in fanfics.

Fun fact: Anko is your dad's cousin.

 

Wow, that one turned dark quick. Still cute, though.

Am I correct in assuming that in order to become worth 20 million each they sold their movie rights? I mean, that's a lot of books and movies and stuff about them.

Also: I, obviously, love Anko to death. She's just the right mix of dark backstory with bombastic personality that makes people like Naruto. But she's a girl in a boy's manga, so she gets less than top billing.

 

Thanks for the Info dump
And that just depends the Questions why we never meet her.
Or are you holding out on us in regards to her for a Flashback?

 

Because Inoichi thinks we're a classic Quest Protag, and probably has a good idea of what we'd get up to with Anko-Neesan?

 

Best line in the entire omake.

 

Kakuzu understands the importance of sustainable agriculture as practised by the d'regs of Klatch. 8)

 

I just realized, Ino has hit puberty? Or close to it? And Anko is very liable to hit the, "WHOA, JESUS CHRIST, YOU'RE SO FREAKING HOT," button. And then hit the, "Stupid sexy cousin," button.

Ino's reaction is going to do nothing to dissuade Inoichi that we're telling terrible things to his daughter.

Heh, Ino's probably going to be prepped with how SB would predispose Ino towards lesbianism, but Ino shouldn't let SB pressure her! Of course, if that's what Ino really wants her family will support her, but don't listen to the ronry neckbeards who want to watch a pubescent girl get it on with a women twice her age and her cousin.

 

Takae: Darling, I agree that the less Ino's childhood and adolescence have in common with mine the better, but I am not going to tell my daughter that there is a lesbian agenda. I'm amazed that you would even suggest such a thing; I thought you liked onee-sama.

 

Furiko's Omake Theatre~!​

A Less-Depressing Scene From Another Parallel World Where Ino Is On Team Kakashi

"No..." you say, your voice burbling as the blood pours out of your mouth. You grant him a scarlet-tinted grin. "It's me who's got you."

Demonic Illusion: Paradise-Viewing Technique.

Kiba's grip immediately slackens, and his pupils dilate.

Gently, you pluck his hand off of your neck, pull out your fan, and symbolically press the edge to his throat.

"Winner, Yamanaka Ino."

"YEAH! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!"

You laugh, and wince at what it does to your ribs. Shit. When you get to that infirmary you're gonna lie right down and sleep for a week. Between the forest and this, you've earned it.

As you make your way up the stairs, Naruto and Lee rush to the landing to greet you.

"Aw, that was so awesome!" Naruto hops from foot to foot in excitement. "You showed that jerk!" He scowls as the medics carry Kiba's passed-out form out of the arena. "Expecting you to forfeit right away just 'cause you're friends..."

"You've grown so much, Ino-chan!" Lee declares, beaming. "Your fighting spirit is an inspiration!" He clenches a fist in determination. "But I can't permit my kouhai to upstage me so easily! Yosh! I'll finish my fight in half the time, or I'll spend all my free time for the next two weeks catching falling leaves!"

"I'll hold you to that, sempai," you say wryly.

"Ah, Lee, it makes my heart glad to see the strength of your bonds with your underclassman!" Maito Gai gives you a thumbs-up. "A valiant fight, Ino-kun."

"I can't believe he actually called genjutsu weak, out loud, in front of you of all people," Ami comments from her perch on the railing.

"Yeah, he could have thought that through a little better," you muse.

"Ino."

You look up, and see Kakashi leaning against the wall of the hallway to the infirmary.

"You did well."

Slowly, you nod once. "Kakashi-sensei."

The moonlight overhead bathes the room in blue shadows. You saunter past the grey-haired man, and for a moment, time seems to freeze as each of you smile wistfully at the empty air before you. The only thing that moves in the captured moment is the gentle breeze that rustles your hair and your clothes.

As you continue down the hall to the infirmary, you hear Maito Gai's barely-suppressed howls of woe as Lee-sempai murmurs in awe, "S-so cool..."

"Wait, where is that saxophone music coming from?" Naruto asks.