Celestial Sandstorm

[Todd Howard]

"Style) is a combined nature transformation kekkei genkai that can be used to move with incredible speed,"
Chakra in Naruto Boots your own Body in BS ways while in Avatar you move the element around you, did you even watch both Shows?

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MFr, did you?

Edit: to preempt things, I meant that speed was derived from Wind combined with other elements in Naruto, while that self-acceleration demonstrated in that video doesn't seem to be some unique special Thing that takes tons of training to branch out into.

 

[Tenza1453]

Following

 

[Qem1ng]

while that self-acceleration demonstrated in that video doesn't seem to be some unique special Thing

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OK a) so many Things are played Up AS a Joke, sadly ITS still a kids Show and IT has this looney toons jokey und b) the examples of him running Up the Wall and running the Tornado Shows Clouds behind His feet soo If in the tunnel He runs Up the Wall ITS Not very dusty i See IT AS a artistic choice to Show how He manipulates the Wind to Push him Forward.

 

[Todd Howard]

OK a) so many Things are played Up AS a Joke, sadly ITS still a kids Show and IT has this looney toons jokey und b) the examples of him running Up the Wall and running the Tornado Shows Clouds behind His feet soo If in the tunnel He runs Up the Wall ITS Not very dusty i See IT AS a artistic choice to Show how He manipulates the Wind to Push him Forward.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, basic elements manipulated in a way that can augment one's physical abilities rather then a specific sub-elemental Thing; you're agreeing with me.

 

[Godfire]

It's interesting, but my god all the character interactions are so robotic it's irritating to read. All the characters sound the same.

Click to shrink...

Thought I was the only one to notice, Is is AI? a AI editing tool, perhaps? Regardless, this has it all over the place.

And the grammar and paragraph spacing didn't improve much. A lot of plotholes have been identified and not addressed.

But its good, in its own way, Ig.

 

[GeomZii]

Thought I was the only one to notice, Is is AI? a AI editing tool, perhaps? Regardless, this has it all over the place.

And the grammar and paragraph spacing didn't improve much. A lot of plotholes have been identified and not addressed.

But its good, in its own way, Ig.

Click to shrink...

Ai can do many things, but imagining new things is not one of them. Or atleast I think it can't or else we are not far from Skynet.

Regarding language, English is my third language. The way I had learned it in school is like textbook example and full sentences english. I had not used english in conversations since 17 years. So if you don't find any slang, the way how its spoken in your area/state, that's how it is.

 

[Redggss]

Is it just me, or was this written with the help of AI?

 

[GeomZii]

Celestial Sandstorm

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 9: A Place among the Dunes

___________________________________________________________________________________

Kaito POV:

The first year passed like sand through fingers. I learned to read the Academy the way I had learned to read the orphanage: watching, waiting, and cataloging every detail that might one day mean the difference between survival and failure. And classes were progressing. I was well ahead of the others in the basics of reading, writing, calligraphy, and history except for the clan kids. Mathematics was where I truly excelled, even when the questions here were trickier than they had any right to be.

Hara-sensei was not the only instructor, but he was the one who mattered. The others came and went, a rotating cast of chūnin who taught specialized subjects with varying degrees of competence and enthusiasm. Hara-sensei was constant. He observed every class, every exercise, every sparring match. His eyes missed nothing. I made certain he saw nothing worth noticing.

"So, first lesson!" Hara-sensei began, slamming his hand on the desk. "For shinobi, our greatest tool, the thing that makes us better than any mere warrior who curls a fist or trains with a weapon, is our ability to use chakra!"

He paced across the front of the room, his scarred face intense.

"Chakra is the basis of everything we do! Chakra is a mixture of both physical energy and mental or spiritual energy moulded together. Physical energy is collected from the body and spiritual energy from the mind's consciousness, and it can be increased through studying, meditation, training, and experience. The most important thing you can learn to develop is your chakra! It will determine your strengths and weaknesses. What jutsu you can use in the future, how much you can use, and how you fight! Developing your chakra will be something taught throughout your time here."

He formed a hand seal.

"Hand seals are used for manipulating chakra commonly. The best way to channel your chakra is to begin looking within while forming a completed circuit with your most commonly used pathways. This means the hands." On his left hand, the index and middle fingers pointed up while the other two curled over the top of a mirroring right hand.

"There are twelve 'commonly' used hand seals." He said


Huh, I wondered why these hand seals match the Chinese zodiac. I wondered


Hara-sensei said loudly, grabbing my attention, " This is the Ram seal! The best for gathering up your chakra and making it flow freely!"

Hiro leaned over to me, whispering, "Why does he make everything sound like life or death?"

"Because it is," I whispered back.

Hara-sensei's eyes snapped to us. "Something to share with the class, Kaito? Hiro?"

"No, sensei," we said in unison.

"Good. Now, this hand seal will make you light up like a firework to any sensors, so if you have to perform this before creating any jutsu, you are giving away your position, and you are also wasting time. Part of practising jutsu is making sure you have the pathways well trained such that you can rapidly flow through the hand seals required to make it work."

He worked through another two hand seals slowly.
Apparently, we would only learn what chakra is and practice hand seals in this subject throughout the first year. We weren't taught much about chakra, other than that it existed. But we were drilled mercilessly on hand seals. How to recognize them, how to form them, and what jutsu they were most often associated with.

The twelve hand seals were: Ram, Snake, Horse, Dragon, Rat, Ox, Tiger, Hare, Bird, Dog, Boar, and Monkey.
We spent hours each day practicing the seals, forming them, releasing them, flowing from one to the next in rapid succession. My fingers cramped and hands ached. Yet I continued doing it.

By the end of the first month, I could form all twelve seals in under ten seconds. By the end of the third month, I could do it in nine. By the end of the first year, I could flow through the entire sequence in under seven seconds, faster than anyone else in the class except the clan kids, who had been practicing since they could walk.

The difficulty and time it took to master hand seals as quickly as possible increase exponentially, and any gains diminish over time.

During a break between classes, Hiro collapsed onto the ground beside me, groaning.


"My hands are going to fall off," he complained. "How do you do it so fast?"
"Practice," I said simply.
"That's not an answer!"
"It's the only answer that matters."

Mido sat down nearby, watching our interaction, her expression thoughtful.

Hiro said forcefully, " I've been practicing longer, and you're still faster than me."
A hint of anger was there. And a hint of jealousy too. He wanted to master hand seals quickly and become a ninjutsu master. And which child doesn't want to do Ninjutsu left and right? But he will never be a master of ninjutsu. He doesn't have the chakra reserves or the control to perform ninjutsu in fights for the long term. No matter how hard he tries, he will always lag in that area.

I shrugged, bringing myself back from my thoughts, and said, "Maybe I just have nimble fingers."

Hiro snorted. "Nimble fingers, right. Or perhaps you've been secretly training with the teachers or clan kids."

"No," I said flatly. "I haven't."

"Then how---"

Hiro stopped mid-sentence. His eyes went wide, and he held up his hands, fingers twisted into some abomination of a hand seal that looked like a startled spider having a seizure.

"Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Is this the Bird seal? Or did I just invent a new one? Because if I invented a new one, I'm naming it after myself. The Hiro Seal. It'll be legendary."

Mido stared at him. "That's not a seal, Hiro. That's your fingers cramping." I caught the small smile she tried to hide.

"It's ART, Mido. You wouldn't understand."

"It looks painful."

"Pain is just weakness leaving the body!"

I couldn't help it. I laughed. Hiro looked so proud of himself, sitting there with his mangled finger pretzel, grinning as he'd just discovered fire.

"See? Kaito gets it. Kaito understands my genius."

"I understand that you're going to pull a tendon if you keep that up," I said.

Hiro's face fell. He quickly uncurled his fingers and shook them out. "Okay, yeah, that was starting to hurt. But still, how are you so good at this?"

When I did not reply, Mido interrupted quietly, "Hiro, let it go."


Hiro looked at her, then between us, confused. Something was on his mind, but he dropped the subject.



_______________________________________________________________________________________



Taijutsu was a different beast.


At the Academy, we were all taught an adaptation of the basic style, called the Sabaku-ryu, the 'desert style.' It was a version of the Suna taijutsu style that had been adapted specifically for children and teenagers. It emphasized dodging and deflection with the understanding that any opponents we encountered would be taller, stronger, and faster than us. There were many feints involved and katas for the use of poison or hidden weapons, though poisons and hidden weapons were not present in first-year taijutsu class.

There was no sparring yet. Most of first-year Taijutsu involved practicing katas, pre-fighting stretching, warm-ups, running, and various drills. It was still mostly stamina exercises, like running, press-ups, and setups. There were flexibility exercises, stretches, and obstacle courses. And these basics were repeated rigidly.

The basic stance was called the "Sand Stance": feet shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, weight distributed evenly. It was a defensive posture, designed to allow quick movement in any direction.

"Root yourself," the instructor said, a chūnin assistant teacher named Renji who had lost two fingers on his left hand in some forgotten skirmish. "You are the desert. Unmovable and unshakeable. Let your enemies break against you like waves against stone."

I understood this instinctively. The earthbending training had taught me to root myself, to draw strength from the ground beneath my feet. The Sand Stance was a pale imitation of the Horse Stance, but it was close enough. The first kata was simple: a sequence of blocks, deflections, and counters. Step forward, deflect with the left arm, counter with the right. Step back, deflect with the right arm, counter with the left. Repeat.

We practiced it hundreds of times, or perhaps thousands. Until the movements became instinct, until our bodies moved without conscious thought.
"Again," Renji said. "Faster."

We practiced until our muscles screamed and our minds blurred, and the kata became as natural as breathing. By the end of the first year, I could execute the basic kata with mechanical precision. Not perfect; the clan kids were still better, but competent and somewhat reliable.

The Academy's curriculum was brutal: effective daily runs, daily calisthenics, daily drills. By the end of the first year, I could run for hours without stopping, perform a hundred push-ups without rest, and execute taijutsu forms with mechanical precision.

The academic theory classes were a welcome break from the physical training.

In reading and writing classes, Hara-sensei said, "Words are weapons," tapping the chalkboard. "A well-placed word can start a war. A poorly-placed word can end a life. You will learn to use words as carefully as you use kunai."

We learned to read and write in the common script, the simplified characters used throughout the Elemental Nations. We learned to write after mission reports, to compose letters, to take notes, to write short emergency messages. We learned to read between the lines, to identify subtext, to recognize when something false was written, and to spot false information.

Calligraphy was a separate class, where we learned the art of brush and ink: the precise strokes, the careful spacing, the subtle variations in pressure that transformed mere characters into works of art. "Calligraphy is not just writing," Hara-sensei said. "It is a different discipline. It is the physical manifestation of your inner state. A calm mind produces elegant strokes. A chaotic mind produces chaos."



________________________________________________________________________________________


Mathematics was where I truly shone. Even the clan kids lagged behind me.


All those years of formal education finally have some use. Hehe.


There were even some mutters of cheating in the class.



Cheating! Please, I could do it in my sleep.



The instructors taught arithmetic, algebra, geometry, and the basic mathematical foundations that every shinobi needed. Calculating trajectories, estimating distances, measuring angles, determining the amount of explosive tag required to destroy a bridge. But the questions here were more complex and different.



________________________________________________________________________________________


The Ideology of Sand was the subject I hated most, filled with propaganda to the brim. While I agree propaganda has its uses, too many lies and falsehoods would hinder students more in the field. Our sensei should have recognized it.



Guess even Shinobi were not immune to cultural conditioning, biases, and blind spots.



Or students were left to figure it out themselves, and those who failed would be field casualties. A dark thought occurred in my mind.



No suna doesn't have that many shinobi to kill its own. I tried to reassure myself, but the image of Pakura came to my mind.


"Hey. You okay? You've got that look." Hiro asked

"What look?"

"The one where you're thinking about something depressing. You get this little crease between your eyebrows. Like you're mad at everyone."

I blinked. "I do?"

"Yeah. It's subtle, but I notice things." He paused. Then he puffed up. "I notice a lot of things, actually. I'm very observant. It's one of my many gifts," he said proudly.

"Your many gifts?"

"Yep. Observant, charming, incredible hand seal skills--"

"Your hand seals are average."

"Average and improving! By next year, I'll be a hand seal master. You'll see. I'll do them so fast nobody can keep up. They'll call me Hiro the Blur."

I snorted. "Hiro the Blur."

"Better than Hiro the Average, which is what Mido calls me."

"Mido doesn't call you that."

"She thinks it. I can tell."



________________________________________________________________________________________


My chakra reserves grew as well, fed by the constant physical conditioning and my nightly meditation. I could feel it now, a warm river of energy flowing through my body, ready to be shaped and directed. I practiced chakra control obsessively, pushing energy into my limbs, holding it, releasing it.

By the end of the year, I could stick sand to my forehead only with chakra control, without using earthbending arts. A minor achievement by shinobi standards, but I knew what it meant. I could strengthen my body with chakra. I could move faster, strike harder, endure longer.

The year ended, and I passed my exams not with distinction, but with competence. I was promoted to the second year, along with Hiro, Mido, and perhaps twenty other students. The rest had either failed or dropped out.

Gamon was first in the class rankings at the year's end, as expected. Katsuro was second. It was the tough competition between the two. But in the last months, Gamon has gathered enough marks in tests to surpass Katsuro.

I was seventh.
Hiro said, looking at the results, "Hey! Kaito. Look, look. You ranked seventh. Perhaps you could beat the clan kids next year, if you trained hard."

I shrugged. "Yes, I will."

Hiro was many things: loyal, energetic, and surprisingly perceptive when he bothered to pay attention, but he did not understand.
Mido understood, though she usually kept to herself.

Gamon was the class prodigy hailing from the Hitome clan.

The Hitome clan was a clan that specialized in Magnet Release, although from what I could gather, only very few among their members had an active bloodline, usually skipping generations. Gamon was one such boy in our class. He was also the clan prodigy.

He had short, messy dark-blue hair and pale yellow eyes, sharp features, and a fair complexion. He was a very calm, stubborn, and proud person, but also charming and vocal when he wanted to be. His family, the Hitome clan, if rumors were true, had trained him in taijutsu and ninjutsu from the moment they could. He excelled at everything, only lagging behind Katsuro in calligraphy, some theory classes, and taijutsu. But he was catching up fast.

Gamon's pale yellow eyes always seemed to be looking at something beyond what was directly in front of him.

During a break, Gamon approached me.
"Seventh place," he said, his voice flat. "Not bad for an orphan."

I met his gaze. "I'll be higher next year."

"Will you?"

"Yes."

He studied me for a moment, then nodded slowly. "We'll see."

He walked away without another word.
Then there was Katsuro Chikamatsu from the Chikamatsu clan, or, as I called them, the puppet clan, which was on the rise due to the Second Kazekage's strengthening of puppet techniques.

His ancestor Monzaemon Chikamatsu was the inventor of the art of puppetry. Originally using puppets as a source of entertainment, he worked diligently with several shinobi under the guidance of the Second Kazekage to convert the talent into a unique form of combat.

His grandchildren, Lady Chiyo and Ebizo, the famous jōnin twins, and Chiyo's son, my classmate Katsuro, hailed from this clan. Their clan led the Puppeteer Department. However, due to the Second Kazekage and different shinobi helping with puppet technique research, power in the Puppeteer Department was more diluted. Their clan's chakra string style was not a bloodline, but they did have more affinity towards chakra strings, giving them an advantage.

Katsuro possessed the kind of effortless grace that made other children hate him on principle. While Gamon's taijutsu was head-on and brutal, Katsuro's taijutsu was precise, almost mechanical. Gamon was stronger, while Katsuro was faster of the two. Katsuro was different. Where Gamon was showy, Katsuro was quiet. Where Gamon demanded attention, Katsuro seemed to actively avoid it.

Then there was third-rank Chika Moudoku from the Moudoku Clan or, as they were commonly called, the poison clan, which was somehow the current strongest clan.

Truly, the wonders will never end, I mused. They had the most members in the Poison and Antidote Department and were the largest clan of Suna.

Mido told me that she was also the one who bragged about her clan's greatness and complained about Kazekage's support for any other clans. Most of my knowledge about clans came from her and other clan members bragging that Mido had heard.



Then fourth in rank was Kagerou Arashi from the Arashi clan, which specialized in Wind Release and formed the majority of the Wind Corps of Suna. They were famous for their giant folding fans.

The clans were given many benefits for joining Sunagakure by the first Kazekage, it seemed, and furthermore for sending their kids to the Academy by the second Kazekage, from what I could gather. Though officially all clans serve the Kazekage loyally, behind the curtains they vie for power.

There were two more clan kids before me. I did not bother to remember their name.

After that, we returned to the orphanage and had dinner among ourselves and celebrated our passing of the exams.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________






AUTHOR'S NOTE: A Note from Geomzii

Hey Everyone!

Daily Launch week is finally over, and I've updated Chapter 9 of Celestial Sandstorm! From now on, I'll be updating the story every weekend.

I already have several finalized chapters ready, along with quite a few unedited chapters and various drafts. These include the battle that ended the Third Shinobi War and the events that took place in the timeline between then and the main story.

There's still a lot of work ahead of me, and it may take some time. I might take a few breaks along the way, but I'm determined to see this story through to the end.

I plan to finish Celestial Sandstorm and few fanfics before finally starting my own original novel.

Thank you all for your patience, support, and for sticking with me throughout this journey. I hope you continue to enjoy Kaito's story as we explore more of the world of Sunagakure!

See you this coming weekend!

 

[Crista20]

I grew—slowly, painfully, the way all children grow in Suna's orphanages. Malnutrition that had stunted my frame, was beginning to fade away. I heard everything i could. Adults speak freely around babies. I heard the history of this world I now inhabited.

Click to shrink...

... This reads like you didn't write it

 

[Turncoat]

This badly needs another editing pass for proper placement of periods and the like.

 

[Riserflaming]

Hara had been teaching at the Academy for thirty-seven years.

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I call cap on this one, Chief. Academy couldn't have been established for that long.

Katsuro Chikamatsu was a genius. His mind worked in ways that Hara had rarely seen—analytical, strategic, always three steps ahead. He would be a brilliant tactician, perhaps even a leader.

Click to shrink...

All that to die like fodder to Hatake Sakumo lol.

It was unsettling, in a way. No child should be that controlled, that disciplined, that adult.

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Fair enough. We all know what happens when a child is too adult in Ninja World. You get an egoist like Orochimaru and a 'Will of Fire's obsessed control freak like Itachi as a result.

Seriously, Fugaku determined the Uchiha clan's end when he took Itachi to a war as a four year old. Itachi grew up too adult and didn't even hesitate to kill the entire Uchiha clan for the Village.

"Kaito is odd and strange. Different perhaps. But that's part of the parcel of being a prodigy. Every genius I have ever met has been odd in some way. It's what makes them special."

Click to shrink...

Yup. Every prodigy in Naruto has their hangups and quirks. You ain't a proper genius without some quirks of your own.

Also, you should use Grammarly or something as a formatting tool bro. The tenses are all wrong and it made my brain itch when I was reading the chapter.

 

[GeomZii]

I call cap on this one, Chief. Academy couldn't have been established for that long.



All that to die like fodder to Hatake Sakumo lol.



Fair enough. We all know what happens when a child is too adult in Ninja World. You get an egoist like Orochimaru and a 'Will of Fire's obsessed control freak like Itachi as a result.

Seriously, Fugaku determined the Uchiha clan's end when he took Itachi to a war as a four year old. Itachi grew up too adult and didn't even hesitate to kill the entire Uchiha clan for the Village.



Yup. Every prodigy in Naruto has their hangups and quirks. You ain't a proper genius without some quirks of your own.

Also, you should use Grammarly or something as a formatting tool bro. The tenses are all wrong and it made my brain itch when I was reading the chapter.

Click to shrink...

ehh... Orochimaru would have easily killed Kakashi at the time when he escaped Konoha, that doesnot make kakashi any less genius.
Plus, Katsuro is younger than sannin who are younger than sakumo.


There are so many versions of english,
Blame the Brits.
it makes sense to me and my friends, but I will now use Gramarrly or anyy other formatting app.

 

[Khepri14]

Yeah, uh, this chapter... How do I put this delicately? It's bad. Like, noticeably so. I couldn't get through the POV changes because the writing was stilted and the conversations - if they could be called that - felt more like talking at rather than with/to each other. Also, lots of missing punctuation and such affected this chapter. Something changed in the quality of the writing and not for the better.

 

[Parloc]

Not because I was obedient. But because breaking the rules drew attention.

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Not because I was naturally gifted—though the Celestial Grimoire had probably helped with that—but because

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Not because I enjoyed them—though I did, in a way. But because they gave me an excuse to practice chakra con

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In a single chapter, this "not because...but because" prose is getting repeated. You might want to edit it one more time or ask someone to beta-read it before posting after using AI. AI tends to use these kinds of prose patterns repeatedly, so we have to be careful when using it. And also

Hiro was the cutest baby in the orphanage. He was the also energetic and active. Mido, the baby girl was quiet and shy.

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Mido is a girl here

Hiro whooped with excitement, already running toward the gate. Mido followed, his short legs pumping furiously to keep up. I walked.

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Now Mido is a boy. Ai changes gender frequently. Need to be on lookout for that.

And the unnecessary wording s. Need to edit that also. For example:

Every step was deliberate. Every gesture was measured.

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The way a hawk watches. The way a shinobi watches.

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Then she sighed—a sound like wind through dead branches.

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And the old prose again :

Not because she was unfair. She wasn't that either. But because she watched

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"-" this also need to removed. Ai likes to add in most paragraphs

 

[Starman25]

Pool of Magicka (100) — The Elder Scrolls • Source

The arcane energy known as magicka leaks into Nirn through the Sun and Stars, holes into the divine Realm of Aetherius. And while normally leaving the Aurbis would result in losing access to magicka, that is not the case here. You now have a decently sized pool of magicka that regenerates over time.

Click to shrink...

Will this give the MC a version of chakra similar to star chakra?

Origin and Functioning:
The Meteorite: About 200 years ago, a meteorite (referred to as the "Star") fell in the Land of Bears, giving rise to Hoshigakure.

Radioactive Mutation: The village's ninja trained while directly exposed to the Star's radiation. Over time, successive generations developed genetic adaptations that allowed them to produce this chakra independently.

Abilities: It grants the user enhanced vitality, immense energy reserves, and the ability to shape chakra into complex physical forms, such as glowing purple peacock wings (Star Peacock Technique).

Click to shrink...

 

[Redggss]

Mido's POV

Start of fifth year

As long as I can remember, Kaito has been with Hiro and me. According to our matrons, he had learned to walk quickly. He always acted our big brother even though he was about one year younger than us.



"Wake up "shouted Hiro, barging into my room. Since we had performed well in the academy. The head matron has given me a separate room.



"We are going to be late for our first day fifth year." Hiro exclaimed.



"I was already awake and ready," I told him. "Where is Kaito?"



"He is also ready. Let's go"



They both have been given a separate single room, where both of them sleeps, although Kaito calls it cabin.



Three of us started moving towards the academy. Hiro started talking to Kaito, even though I was sure he was lost in his thoughts, as always.



"What are you thinking, Kaito?" interrupting Hiro, who seemed genuinely surprised. The fool.



"Just thinking about electives," He replied coming back from whatever thoughts he was thinking. "I am gonna choose the Medical and Poison one"



Of course, he is gonna choose them, he performed perfectly in first aid class last year. Even our sensei praised him. Moreover, he never seems to forget theory.

Chika was worried. Nevertheless, so was his ninjutsu, he could easily mold earth and I had seen him making stones and pebbles levitate. Then why---



"What? You are not going to choose ninjutsu?" Hiro said barging in. "I am going to choose ninjutsu and Taijutsu"



Kaito made a face that seemed to disagree. "I don't think you should take them."



"No," Hiro retorted, "I will" but I could hear indecision in his voice as he looked for me for support.



"I can think of reasons, why he should not choose ninjutsu. He doesn't have enough chakra, but why not let him choose Taijutsu?" I asked



"It's not only chakra reserves, but he doesn't have chakra control for ninjutsu. And He will always lack it" He said with confidence.



"As for Taijutsu, while you are energetic, you don't have skills or instincts for it and I don't think you have the patience to focus all your time on taijutsu." He replied turning towards Hiro.



Kaito always seems so sure of himself, so mature that it astonished me.



Where does that belief come from? What goes in that head of yours Kaito? How could you be so sure?



He continued, "Hiro, you should take Bukijutsu and Kenjutsu classes as your first elective and Poisons and Antidote as your second elective. I can help you with theory, it will give you an advantage in fights, and you can simply buy poisons or take poisons I create. In addition, Poisons have better synergy with Weapons, as you need to get close to your opponent to apply it deceptively. So you also need weapons training to defend yourself"



Hiro lost his enthusiasm and agreed.



"And me?"



"You are good in theory but I think you should avoid poisons elective subject, as you don't have built or strength for close combat, which you will need to easily apply poisons. Although you could throw poisoned senbon, they are less effective and you are not fast enough. Plus, most shinobi expect a kunoichi to be a poison user. You should take Fuinjutsu and Trapping. You will fight at distance and later on, you will be given mostly ambush (defensive) missions. And if you perform well in Fuinjutsu, you may mostly stay in the village and research Fuinjutsu. You could even sell scrolls to others, to Hiro, to me." Kaito rambled.



I listened, not agreeing with last words. Knowing him, he will start creating scrolls left and right. Any seal he creates will be a powerful tool in his arsenal. Perhaps that is what he has in his mind, but he did not wish to hurt my feelings.



But as always there were good reasons behind his decision. If I had asked any other students or even sensei, they would have suggested me Genjutsu class and poison class. Usually kunoichi takes those subjects and even excel in it. He was always many steps ahead, thinking scenarios of how it will affect us in missions and battlefield. He always wanted to protect us.



The best weapons are those that no one expects. He always says to us. Sands knows where he comes up with those weird sayings.





Hiro's POV

" Psssh!! Pssssh!!! Hey! Hey Kaito, how are you so good at this Chakra control thingy?? "I asked Kaito in class. Even Mido and other kids were interested



"Don't talk here, I will teach you later," he whispered.



After classes, we returned to the orphanage and he took us ground.



"The best way to be good at chakra control is practice," he said sagely standing in the middle of the ground.



"What?? That's your secret!!!" I said annoyingly



"Yes, but it is not only how many times you practice, but how you practice?" He replied. "I practice chakra control with different materials and sometimes simultaneously."



I looked at Mido asking whether she understood, but she was so focused.



"Let's start with these stones, try to hold it in your hand"



I tried and failed. "But I can't do them"



"Then let's try with different materials, take pebbles and try it. Then we will move on to sand, leaf, paper, dry bark and water." He told me "what I do is start with one pebble and then increase the numbers." He took two pebbles and stuck them in his hands.

He continued "Then I supply enough chakra to raise them"



Wow, the pebbles are flying in the air. "So cool. "



"Then I rotate them first in the same direction and then in opposite different directions changing direction and speed randomly. The end point of this exercise is to try and rotate different materials in different directions at different speeds randomly. Although I have not reached that point. Yet." He said while rotating pebbles.



"You created new chakra control exercises" exclaimed Mido.



"Hey, I got the idea when Hara sensei asked me to try different materials" Kaito said rubbing his head.



"Yet, you develop the chakra control exercise." Mido declared



"Wow, Kaito, You are a genius." I said.



"Is that also the reason why you are so good at recon and tracking?" Mido asked.



"No, that's because of my earth sen.... My earth affinity" He replied. "Although you could try chakra sensing"



"That's an advance ninja technique." Mido questioned.



"Ehh. You can also learn it. Try to remember the feeling when you search your chakra. Now try to search for chakra in somene else. Keep focusing until you feel other chakra. One you start sensing other chakra. Keep focusing even when they walk off or change position. Try to sense chakra as far as possible. Repeat the exercise. After that, you can try to sense in all directions or try chakra sensing only in one direction" He replied sagely.



He is so intelligent.



"You figure out the chakra sensing method on your own just now" Mido said surprised, making a face that she makes whenever Kaito does something amazing.



Hara Sensei POV

Hara had been teaching for thirty-seven years.

He had seen hundreds of students pass through his classroom—some talented, some mediocre, some so hopeless that he wondered why they bothered. He had seen prodigies rise and fall, had watched geniuses burn out and mediocrities persevere. He had learned, over the decades, to recognize potential when he saw it.

Gamon Hitome was a prodigy. That was obvious from the first day—the boy moved with the precision of someone who had been training since birth, his taijutsu flawless, his chakra control exceptional. He would be a great shinobi someday, Hara had no doubt.

Katsuro Chikamatsu was a genius. His mind worked in ways that Hara had rarely seen—analytical, strategic, always three steps ahead. He would be a brilliant tactician, perhaps even a leader.

he'd seen prodigies come and go. Children with natural talent, children with burning determination, children with fortunate bloodlines.

But Kaito...

Kaito was something else entirely. Kaito was different. Unsettlingly different.



Hara had noticed him early—during the first running exercise, when the boy had finished seventh out of a hundred students. Not the best, certainly. Not the fastest or the strongest. But there was something about him—something in the way he moved, the way he watched, the way he seemed to understand things that other children didn't.

Hara had kept an eye on him after that.

The boy was quiet. He didn't play with the other children, didn't socialize, didn't do any of the things that normal children did. He simply... observed. And Learned.

It was unsettling, in a way. No child should be that controlled, that disciplined, that adult. But Hara had seen stranger things in his decades as a shinobi. He had learned not to question gifts when they appeared.

And Kaito was gifted.



When he has tried to sense his chakra, he had more chakra for an civilian , his yang chakra was more pronounced with a earthy feel that even a non sensor could feel it.

His chakra control was average class, but still better than a civilian. His theoretical knowledge was great enough to rank him third in theory exams of first year. Yet from second year his answers in exams became perfect. His taijutsu was... improving. Rapidly.

Too rapidly. When he had compared his previous four-year exams and this year test, he had observed that even his rate of learning has increased.

Hara had watched Kaito spar with the clan children—Gamon, Katsuro, Chika, Kagerou. He had seen the boy lose, again and again, and adapt.

The elective selections forms came in the first class of fifth year. Hara wasn't surprised by Kaito's choices—Medical and Poison. A combination that could save lives or end them with equal efficiency. What surprised him was Mido and Hiro choices to take unconventional paths. He later learned that Kaito had apparently convinced both

Mido: Fuinjutsu and Trapping. Hiro: Bukijutsu and Kenjutsu.

Smart. Extremely smart. Kaito had managed to— ensure his friends wouldn't be stuck in predictable roles, create synergies between their skill sets and position them for long-term survival.

He'd never seen a student think like that. Never seen one who could look at two other children and not only see what they were, but what they could become—and chart the path to get there.



At the fifth-year survival exercise, he had seen something else, something that made him pause.

Hara had been observing the students from a distance, tracking their progress through the deep desert. Most of them were struggling—the deep desert was brutal, unforgiving, deadly. Some had already failed, their bodies recovered by the rescue teams.

But Kaito was thriving.

Hara watched as the boy moved through the dunes, his movements fluid and precise. He watched as Kaito found water, found shelter, found food. He watched as Kaito avoided predators, navigated sandstorms, survived.

And then he saw something that made him realized how powerful his earth affinity was.

Kaito was manipulating the earth and sand, shaping it with his hands, moving it with his will with ease without using any jutsus. Earth manipulation through chakra alone without handseals was like nothing Hara had ever seen before. He had heard the rumors that Kazekage can do it.

Kaito was the kind of genius that defied explanation. Odd, strange, unsettling and also brilliant—more brilliant than any student Hara had ever taught. And brilliance, in Hara's experience, was worth protecting. Perhaps he have some new kind of kekkei- genkai.

Few months later, his chakra have grown and his chakra control have improved. When he tried to sense his chakra, his chakra has grown… balanced and yin chakra has grown almost equal to yang chakra. His chakra gave a unique, mysterious feeling.

He watched Kaito from a distance, observed his growth, monitored his progress. He noted the boy's increasing chakra reserves—larger than they should be, denser than they should be, more than they should be. He noted the boy's improving taijutsu—faster, stronger, more precise

Hara had been reviewing student files when he noticed the mark on Kaito's record—a note from Kurumi, the infiltration instructor, flagging the boy as a potential loyalty risk and possible flight risk.

A flight risk, Hara thought, his jaw tightening. Based on what evidence?

He read the note carefully, his anger growing with every word. Kurumi had cited Kaito's "unusual behavior," his "secretive nature," his "lack of social integration." She had suggested that the boy might be a spy, an infiltrator, a threat to the village.

Idiot, Hara thought. Blind, stupid idiot.

He knew what Kurumi was doing. She was afraid—afraid of Kaito's genius and potential. Kaito's victories against clan kids had made her nervous and she was feeling inferior.

He found Kurumi in the instructors' lounge, reviewing her own notes. She looked up as he entered, her expression wary.

"Hara-sensei," she said. "What can I do for you?"

"You can explain this." He held up Kaito's file. "Why did you mark him as a flight risk?"

Kurumi's eyes narrowed. "I have concerns about his loyalty. His behavior is—"

"His behavior is that of a genius," Hara interrupted. "A prodigy. Someone who sees the world differently than the rest of us."

"That doesn't mean he's not a threat."

"It doesn't mean he is." Hara stepped closer, his voice dropping to a dangerous whisper.

Kurumi stiffened. "I know what I saw."

"You saw what you wanted to see. You saw a child who was different, a orphan civilian who was better than clan kids and you decided he was dangerous. You didn't bother to understand him. He is a prodigy and yet you just put a negative mark on his file."

"He's hiding something."

"Everyone is hiding something!" Hara slammed the file on the table. Every shinobi in this village worth anything is hiding something. That doesn't make us traitors."

Kurumi was silent for a long moment. 'Then, what do you want me to do?"

"Nothing and if I found you did this because of clan politics, I will take this matter directly to Kazekage and explain how one of his instructors is harassing a student based on nothing but inferiority complex and clan interference."

"Tell me, which clan put you on this."

Kurumi stared at him, her expression unreadable. "No one did".

Hara turned to leave, then paused. "One more thing."

"What?"

"Kaito is odd and strange. Different perhaps. But that's part of the parcel of being a prodigy. Every genius I have ever met has been odd in some way. It's what makes them special." He met her eyes. "If you can't see that—if you can't recognize talent when it's staring you in the face—then maybe you're in the wrong profession."

He walked out without waiting for a response.

Kaito had the will to be great.

He is going to change things for Sunagakure, Hara thought. He is going to change everything.

Hara sat in his chair for a long time after that, staring at the door.

He pulled out his brush and began writing a letter to the Academy Headmaster.

"Regarding student Kaito..."

Then he fed it into the small brazier beside his desk, watching the flames consume the paper.

Some secrets were better left unspoken, he decided.

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Can I get the link where you're getting the perks from?

 

[TheCompiler]

Hara had been teaching at the Academy for thirty-seven years.

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I second what @DivyanshKundu said, Isn't the MC part of the Academy's first year? The Matron said something along the lines of 'The Kage is making an academy for kids to become ninjas, he's making the clans send their kids too' if i recall correctly.

Kaito had managed to— ensure his friends wouldn't

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but what they could become—and chart the path to get there

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What is the point of these dashes? I generally don't knit pick like this, but they were really jarring to me.

on the table. Every shinobi in this

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Missing quotation mark before 'Every'


I'm enjoying the story so far but this chapter's grammar was oddly poor. I hate to suggest this, but are you using AI in some way? The memory issues and preference for '—' dashes are a little suspicious in that regard. If you're not, I apologise, I'd just prefer to know if you are.

 

[GeomZii]

I second what @DivyanshKundu said, Isn't the MC part of the Academy's first year? The Matron said something along the lines of 'The Kage is making an academy for kids to become ninjas, he's making the clans send their kids too' if i recall correctly.



What is the point of these dashes? I generally don't knit pick like this, but they were really jarring to me.


Missing quotation mark before 'Every'


I'm enjoying the story so far but this chapter's grammar was oddly poor. I hate to suggest this, but are you using AI in some way? The memory issues and preference for '—' dashes are a little suspicious in that regard. If you're not, I apologise, I'd just prefer to know if you are.

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Corrected

Academy was created somewhere around 28 AV, Kaito born - 30 AV
First Shinobi war- Early 32 AV to Late 33 AV
Kaito entered academy in 35 AV.

No, I usually use them for focus.

 

[GeomZii]

Will this give the MC a version of chakra similar to star chakra?

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Patience

 

[Ahzura Twilight]

This badly needs another editing pass for proper placement of periods and the like.

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Yeah the quality isn't at the same standard as the previous chapters

 

[GeomZii]

Can I get the link where you're getting the perks from?

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I basically searched 300 to 400 Celestial perks and created a list 200 perks to be used in my fanfics. Then since Naruto is low power settings technique type world, so I selected less powerful perks to be used in this fanfiction.

 

[GeomZii]

Yeah, uh, this chapter... How do I put this delicately? It's bad. Like, noticeably so. I couldn't get through the POV changes because the writing was stilted and the conversations - if they could be called that - felt more like talking at rather than with/to each other. Also, lots of missing punctuation and such affected this chapter. Something changed in the quality of the writing and not for the better.

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I basically posted first version of chapters, then later edited them while they were posted, even previous chapters. I will be doing same to this chapter.

 

[Parloc]

Hiro bounced on his heels, barely contained excitement radiating from every pore. Mido stood quietly beside him, his dark eyes watchful

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Is Mido a boy or a girl?

Also, these two parts could be combined into a single sentence. AI tends to use one- or two-word sentences like this, and the repeated use of them can be immersion breaking. Examples:

That was what we were to him. Not children. Not students. Weapons.

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or the faint metallic tang of chakra lingering in the air.

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A scar. Old and faded.

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No instructions. No destination. Just run.

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Not fast. Not slow. A steady pace, c

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But I cataloged every detail—the instructors' habits, the students' weaknesses, the subtle hierarchies forming within the class.

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Hiro had found his place among the energetic ones, always volunteering, always pushing himself. Mido had found his among the quiet ones, observing more than participating, his dark eyes missing nothing.

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The dramatic phrasing and the over-the-top details are also a bit much. I'm finding it difficult to continue reading with this kind of prose.

Also, for a guy who cried and was terrified when he realized he was born in Suna, he has become very robotic. He's suddenly analyzing everyone's behavior, partners, habits, weaknesses, and everything else within a single class or even a single day. It feels like he suddenly became some kind of Sherlock Holmes.

A lot of AI-assisted fics tend to have this issue. The MC becomes too efficient and observant to the point where he starts feeling robotic. Your MC is starting to feel like that as well. I think it needs some more editing.

 

[Trek]

Honestly mc is not a genius at all, in the ninja world real geniuses are jonin strength by 7 years old. Picking healing for his genius perk was a waste his village does not have a deep healing jutsu tradition and wont be able to steal anything until Konoha makes the healing jutsu series and system in the first place. Mc should have picked something like puppetry which his village is actually best at.

Converting all his perks to chakra based also has huge drawbacks, for example can his now converted magica perk actually use magica spells? In addition now any 'magica' use is able to be interfered with by chakra and lets not forget how deep control the freaking aliens have over chakra.

If his rolls don't speed up he is doomed as the scaling of the Naruto world reaches all the way up to godhood.

 

[GeomZii]

Honestly mc is not a genius at all, in the ninja world real geniuses are jonin strength by 7 years old. Picking healing for his genius perk was a waste his village does not have a deep healing jutsu tradition and wont be able to steal anything until Konoha makes the healing jutsu series and system. Mc should have picked puppetry which his village is actually best at.

If his rolls don't speed up he is doomed as the scaling of the Naruto world reaches all the way up to godhood.

Converting all his perks to chakra based also has huge drawbacks, for example can his now converted magica perk actually use magica spells? In addition now any 'magica' use is able to be interfered with by chakra and lets not forget how deep control the freaking aliens have over chakra.

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Yes, he is not at first, but he get mind perk 3 times and perfect memory after.
I think Suna Is bump, not using poison knowledge for healing. They are parallel arts that is, one's knowledge can be used in other field.
I think there's plenty of time it's about 40 AV, Naruto canon starts in 78 AV.

Regarding perks, it is to nerf the perks themselves.

I on the other hand think, he is getting too many perks.
I don't want character who is wholly dependent on System for any of his gains.

Regarding other POV'S, when people cannot understand anything, they want to fit it in category, it is true for all of us. So since no one knows of his Isekai and celestial grimoire, they assume he is super genius or prodigy.

 

[Khepri14]

I basically posted first version of chapters, then later edited them while they were posted, even previous chapters. I will be doing same to this chapter.

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Seems like a bad way to go about it to me in light of the current chapter, but you do you.

 

[Trek]

Yes, he is not at first, but he get mind perk 3 times and perfect memory after.
I think Suna Is bump, not using poison knowledge for healing. They are parallel arts that is, one's knowledge can be used in other field.
I think there's plenty of time it's about 40 AV, Naruto canon starts in 78 AV.

Regarding perks, it is to nerf the perks themselves.

I on the other hand think, he is getting too many perks.
I don't want character who is wholly dependent on System for any of his gains.

Regarding other POV'S, when people cannot understand anything, they want to fit it in category, it is true for all of us. So since no one knows of his Isekai and celestial grimoire, they assume he is super genius or prodigy.

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If you want him to have slower growth simplify hold back strong perks or slow the perk gain rate dont nerf them thats no fun. Nerfs to your protagonist and buffs to his enemies never ends well when writing fiction. You have other levers you can use for example you can keep rerolling in the background and vetoing perks until you find one that fits your needed scaling . No need to go for the nerf hammer which is almost universally hated by readers.

If you dont want him too dependent on his system for gains make him use metaknowledge to get ahead there are tons and tons of opportunities abound in the naurto world inside filler content. The sky village, dragon vain, box of bliss, chakra meteor, chakra armor, 4 great chakra ninja tools etc. Still you are after all writing a celestial fic so his system should at least be the main feature of his power growth.

You have fully shown mc earning his gains by training like crazy and being cautions so no need to hold back his perk gains on that account. If anything you are leaning a bit too far on his own efforts while all he is getting is a mere 1.1x training boost while his bending is not combat capable and his magica has been nerfed into yin chakra, the only good perk he has is the genius at healing and the int plus perfect memory perk.

As you are not actually using the celestial grimoire but your custom cut down version do mention that in the tags or intro.

 

[Isebas]

If you want him to have slower growth simplify hold back strong perks or slow the perk gain rate dont nerf them thats no fun. Nerfs to your protagonist and buffs to his enemies never ends well when writing fiction. You have other levers you can use for example you can keep rerolling in the background and vetoing perks until you find one that fits your needed scaling . No need to go for the nerf hammer which is almost universally hated by readers.

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Yes I absolutely hate this. The MC/Hero gets a special boost or powers and suddenly his enemies must as well. It is annoying and bad writing in my opinion. I also dislike it when they take the thing that makes the MC special and makes it so anyone can use/do it.

 

[Xcell]

But the MC is a flight risk . As he's using them to learn the skills to really survive in the universe of Naruto and he's most likely to leave the village once he's learned all he can from them and explorer the rest of the world of Naruto and at the same time eliminate future threats while traveling around. As it would be kind of a waste for the MC to live his days out in the sand ninja village . As the anime hinted at a vast magical world with ancient dead civilizations and tons of mystery to be found in the world of Naruto and even other civilizations with other systems of magic powers that are beyond the elemental nation's borders as there probably even other continents that are unexplored within the world. As I think there was a Naruto movie that suggested there's a version of Europe in the Naruto universe as a bunch of European magical nights or something showed up in the elemental nations from afar and they were confused by chakra. It seems to me that most of the elemental nations are too busy fighting amongst themselves to think about exploring the rest of their world or they believe all there is to the world is the elemental Nations and there's nothing beyond them. Or at least that's my impression from the anime.

 

[GeomZii]

Seems like a bad way to go about it to me in light of the current chapter, but you do you.

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Suggest a editor or beta reader, because it is difficult to search for your own mistakes.