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Amelia, Worm AU [Complete]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by TanaNari, Jan 10, 2015.

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  1. dasstan

    dasstan :)

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    Really cranking them out today.
    Didn't we just finish going over how doing that lead to your best friend committing suicide? Bad Lisa.
    *cough*
    Yeah, cause that's not foreshadowing.
     
  2. Flammy

    Flammy Gone for Good

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    If Lisa's power is telling her this it probably should be italicized like the rest of the power-deduced-facts in the chapter.
    Also big congrats on breaking 200 chapters. What is the total word count up to now?
     
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  3. Nigel Burnelli Isaacs

    Nigel Burnelli Isaacs Not too sore, are you?

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    Interesting updates, nice to have Crystal's and Lisa's PoV again. I liked what we got from Victoria and Crystal's conversation which at last gave the gist of what Victoria feels about her Mindrape aura and the consequences it had and this also explains her behaviour towards Zach a bit better. Now realy she DOES need some time with Rapture, especially wth the load of shit she thought at the end.

    It was also interesting to see Crystal's take on Taylia and how she preceived it's effects, just ad it was nice to see how she cares about Zach. Now the bit about resurrecting the dead entity is so NOT going to get them problems, but then again the process already started the moment Amelia and Taylor bounded(that or the birth of a new one)

    Lisa's take on Crystal after the reveal and her take on Riley were nice stuff and very informative, just as was the comment on why she wanted to get Zach laid. On a more serious note, Lisa knowing how Riley feels she should really do something about it, I am pretty sure she can help her.

    Now the Indianapolis thing is rather intriguing and does not feel like a trap to draw the Pantheon out AT ALL after all why would groups like the Elite or other big "villain" organizations want to do that right ? They most certainly couldn't have learned anything from the Pantheon's MO, I mean it's not like the Proctedtorate did. That or, say where is Grue agains and what is he up to ?(and suddenly when they find him, Victoria falls deeply in love for him, he too and both Taylor and Amelia facepalm)

    Oh and forgot in my previous posts, there is no canon name given for Rune in story.
     
  4. Jans

    Jans That which smiles.

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    I suspected you were being sneaking and had a wham interlude or something special saved up for chapter 200. Screw-up was not the first thought. xP
     
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  5. Faraway-R

    Faraway-R Getting sticky.

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    Not that I enjoy being obvious that much, but:

    There is no Hope.

    She was the only one who'd be able to get away with the action.

    On a side note, what are the odds Dinah would give Pantheon shatters if they finally don't have any outside problems to focus on and are left with their non-stop relationship drama? Presume Dinah is no longer tripped by Taboo for the purposes of this question. :rolleyes:
     
  6. dasstan

    dasstan :)

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    [Dark fix-fic intensifies]
     
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  7. abyssmal_kismet

    abyssmal_kismet Experienced.

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    Well, that's a little dark.



    :p
     
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  8. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    *reads oneshot* Oh my....The Nazi's save humanity...wtf?

    Yes, because in an AI putting 2 hard-coded imperatives in direct opposition to each other always works out so well.
    And slightly related:


    As for the debate on Vicky's new cape name, I vote Skuld.

    Skuld may have been one of the Fates, specifically the Child, Goddess of the Future, the one who cuts your thread from the tapestry of life when you die. And much less known, but more importantly, leader of the Valkyries. And I challenge any of you to tell me Vicky doesn't have the temperament of a Norse God/Goddess.
     
  9. Threadmarks: Spotlight
    Daunmi

    Daunmi Shun the sun, night so nice

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    Taylor: "Status report!"
    Lisa: *sigh* "Before you start..."
    T: "Jesus Christ, what have you done to her?!"
    L: "OK! Before. You. Start."
    T: "Make her stop!"
    L: "Would you care for me to explain?"
    T: "Oh yes Lisa, I would love to know why our resident precog is unable to do anything other than laugh and gasp for air between bouts."
    L: "I asked a question."
    T: "You asked a question?"
    L: "I asked. A question."
    T: "Oh, well I guess she should answer it then?"
    L: "Well, it's gunna be kind of hard, 'cause, uh, what with the lack of being able to breath."
    T: "Brilliant. So what are we supposed to do?!"
    L: *Grunting, whilst standing up from her incredibly comfortable high back red chair* "Huh. Well, I guess I have to be our precog now!"
    T: "What."
    L: "Yep. No other option."
    T: "How about any other option. ANY AT ALL?"
    L: "No use trying to put the breaks on this, it's going down!"
    T: "... You planned this."
    L: "What?"
    T: "You planned this, I know you did!"
    L: "Pffft, you honestly don't trust me?"
    Riley: *Bursting in through the door* "Lisa! The surgical tools have been secured. Unfortunately Big Sis said she didn't want anything to do with modifying how powers connect to our brains but..." *notices Taylor* "Oh..."
    T: *Stares*
    L: "You wont believe how little she's charging me for this."
    T: "Fffff-"
    L: "She'll do it for nothing!"
    T: "Lisa!"
    L: "LET ME HAVE MY DAY IN THE SPOTLIGHT!"

    Originally I was just going to say that they'd have to get Amelia to keep Dinah's body oxygenated as she laughs. Then it ran away from me.
     
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  10. jaelin910

    jaelin910 habitual lurker

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    pretty sure that should be 'You know, we never argued in person.'
     
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  11. tarrangar

    tarrangar Versed in the lewd.

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    Ah teenage drama how glad I am that due to going to a special all boys class and really prefering being by myself I actually avoided ever experiencing that.
    woohoo I just realized that I recently turned 20 so I have forever avoided being a part of teenage drama.
     
  12. daimahou

    daimahou Gentleman Tentacle(s)

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    Need PHO, Rapture, Coil, Danny, Sarah and Dennis interludes. :p
     
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  13. dasstan

    dasstan :)

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    Don't really see the point of a Coil interlude until Calvert's Choice rolls around.
     
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  14. Aeselon

    Aeselon Runs with sentences

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    I would like to start put by saying I still thoroughly enjoy this story. My issue comes from the steady degradation of liability in the characters. Or maybe not likeability so much as relatability. It feels to me as though those who've received the most character growth are the peripheral members of the team. This is by no means a criticism, in fact it's a compliment, as the size of the cast you're working with is immense in terms of 'main characters'. Lisa seems to have learned absolutely nothing if she's still deliberately messing with things. There has been zero attempts to work with Lily about her issues. At the end of the day, no attempt has been made to turn Pantheon into a cohesive whole, rather than a collection of kids with more power than sense. Crystal and Zach seem to be the only ones with a proper grip on things, and Rey seems to have a reasonable head on his shoulders.

    If this is all entirely deliberate as a plot point, then disregard the above, but it's something that seems to need addressing before the whole team implodes on itself. As I said, if it's all deliberate, it's masterfully done.

    Just my two cents.
     
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  15. Beyogi

    Beyogi I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Yeah, the relationship drama in Pantehon definitely has the potential to tear them apart. We can only hope the threads keep up long enough so that they can actually grow up a little and learn to see certain priorities.

    I mean what the fuck Lisa. Seriously. As if Panetheon didn't have enough problems now she feels like she needs to add to te relationship drama.
     
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  16. daimahou

    daimahou Gentleman Tentacle(s)

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    Ah, if only Lisa got a social/relationships Thinker power with the second trigger.
     
  17. Ichypa

    Ichypa I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Terrifying thought: remember how Vicky got her power set because when Riley's budded it contain the data for the things she's "taught" it to do? What if Lisa buds, and the recipient gets a shipping shard? I mean, this story if nothing else proves that it would generate enough conflict.
     
  18. Daunmi

    Daunmi Shun the sun, night so nice

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    Imagine if she'd pinged off Rapture when she triggered for the second time.

    Alternative solution that they will never get to would be dragging in Yamada and Rapture to work with Lisa. Mass therapy for all. Starting with Lisa so she doesn't ruin things by accident.

    ...

    And then moving on to Rapture and Jessica as they realize just what they've got themselves in to.
     
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  19. Student of Zelretch

    Student of Zelretch Put the ice back on my lake. Moderator

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    Is it wrong that I want to lay down odds on A). pantheon not splitting after Scion and B). TanaNari writing about 1.5 million words total, getting *almost* to the end of cannon worm... and then not posting anything for a couple months just to screw with us?

    *edit* and now The confirmed dick has liked this post.... perhaps I shouldn't have put this out there for him...
     
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  20. Daunmi

    Daunmi Shun the sun, night so nice

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    Oh come on. How likely is it that that would happen? I mean, I'm sure there's plenty of worse things he's got planned for us.

    Like ending it on a dream sequence and not telling us for months before updating again. Or ending it and then lolCoil! Or swinging a completely believable yet boring ending that we should have seen coming but didn't. Or sitting back and releasing the final 3 chapters one word per day. Or getting close to the end and deciding to re-write/edit everything before he finishes. Starting another fic. A month worth of omakes. A month of catching up with very important side characters, like Paul, a PRT janitor.

    Really, making us wait a few months doesn't sound so bad, when you think about it.
     
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  21. daimahou

    daimahou Gentleman Tentacle(s)

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    Stop giving him ideas!
     
  22. Mogget

    Mogget Know what you're doing yet?

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    Should be italics?
     
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  23. Threadmarks: Amelia, Ch 202- Lily
    TanaNari

    TanaNari Verified Dick

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    Amelia, Ch 202- Lily


    "We're doing what!?" Taylor exclaimed.


    "You heard me," Lisa replied.


    "I know I heard you, I just can't believe it," she retorted. "You're basically putting Victoria in charge of a team."


    Amelia's head nodded in agreement. "Can you maybe elaborate a little?"


    "She and Riley are ideal for the investigation," Lisa insisted. "So we let them handle it. Pantheon needs to show it has the ability to be subtle. Going out in full regalia is going to give people the impression that we found our hammer and are using it to smash everything we see."


    "Vicky's not what I'd call subtle," I retorted, and the others looked at me. "I mean, she's cool to spend time with, but she's kinda... well... I'm not really one to talk, but she's a real hothead."


    "Yeah," Amelia agreed. "There's gotta be a better choice for this."


    "Who else?" she asked. "Can't send you or Taylor, you're too high profile. We have to focus on our lower hierarchy members. Of those we have Crystal, who's not equipped for this sort of thing. No offense."


    "I'm not equipped to do something so stupid it borders on the insane?" Crystal snarked. "I'm taking that as a compliment. The part where you imply I'm 'lower' on the hierarchy than you? That's the insult."


    "We can't send any of our other tinkers," she continued, ignoring Crystal's comments. "The stuff with Chevalier and the Zerg upgrades are too critical. Zach's staying because he won't be much help in the mission, and it would disrupt Emma since they're in that squishy happy phase of the relationship. Speaking of which," she looked directly at where Taylor and Amelia were sitting. "When are the two of you going to grow out of that?"


    "When you stop being a deranged bitch?" Amelia suggested. Taylor gave her fiancee a half hearted backhand that was less a reprimand and more a show of support for the comment in and of itself.


    "This is likely to take a couple days," Lisa continued. "Which means Missy's not really an option. We're on thin enough ice with her mother as is. Theo is an option, but we really shouldn't be putting everything on him. He's a good leader, but others need to have their chance as well."


    She's right about that, I agreed. Theo really came through for us after I fucked up. Putting him in charge would have made sense to me. Hell, I'd settle for dragging Lisa along and making her the leader for this.


    "But Vicky?" Amelia asked.


    "Trust me, she needs this," Lisa insisted. "We can send someone else with the group. Lily, would you like to go?"


    What? "What?" I asked. Seriously, what the fuck?


    "Yeah," Lisa insisted. "You're pretty good friends with Vicky, right? And you're the one advocating we do this the peaceful way. And you scare the hell out of people. When you say you're not there to fight, they'll respond with 'thank god'. You're perfect for this!"


    "You're doing this to fuck with me on purpose, aren't you?" I glared at the blond. She was and I knew it. Eliminating all the better options and setting this up to make it so easy for something to go wrong. If I didn't go, there'd be an even bigger mess, and then Sabah would be even more worried. I shouldn't go, she needed me right now, and I sure as hell wasn't going to bring her along. She's been through enough.


    "Would it make you feel better to know I already ran this past Dinah?" she smiled.


    "We rely on her too much," Taylor complained, but I knew she'd already been persuaded.


    "Fuck my life," I surrendered to the inevitable. "What's the plan?"


    ....


    I held Sabah from behind, almost apologetically. "Really?" she asked. "Vicky? Why?"


    "I guess she impressed them in Houston," I half lied. "And you have to admit, her powers make her really good for tracking and investigation work. Plus her powers mean she might even be better in a fight than I am."


    "Then why do you have to go?" Sabah asked, turning in my arms to look up at me. "I don't want you getting hurt."


    "If I go, there shouldn't be any fighting at all," I told her. I won't put you through that, I added silently. "Didn't you get the memo? You're being held by one of the deadliest parahumans on the planet."


    "You're not scary at all," she smirked, then gave me a kiss. "Just a cute little kitten."


    "Rawr," I whispered, then bit her bottom lip. "A tiger, maybe. I could eat you alive."


    "Not if I don't let you," she teased back. I felt my clothes tighten as her power infused the fabric. I could have broken the hold at any time, since my power nullified hers unless I was very careful with how I used mine. But where was the fun in that?


    "Seems I've caught the tiger," she put her hand on my chest and pushed me back onto her couch, then straddled my lap and leaned against me. Her next words were a whisper. "Don't worry, I'll still let you."


    I smiled up at her. All games aside, I was going to protect her. As long as I can fight, she won't have to.


    ....


    "So, are you excited?" Vicky asked me when I showed up. I glanced at the others. Riley and Theo. It was a well balanced team, I was forced to admit. High end on both offense and defense, a couple fairly powerful thinkers, and a healer if things did go south. I tried not to think to hard about again having to work with Bonesaw again. Naturally, I kept that detail from Sabah. She wouldn't understand.


    There wasn't any point in trying to lie to the girl. "Nervous, honestly," I answered. "First time we've been given this level of autonomy on a mission. That takes a lot of trust." The last time was pretty much fed to me word by word. This was, as Lisa had put it, a kind of team building exercise. It probably was a good idea, except for the whole 'trial by fire' part. I really could live without that.


    "Really?" Riley asked with a smile.


    "Yeah," I confirmed, knowing my discomfort toward the girl was easily detectable by both her and Vicky. Fuck, Theo was smart, he probably knew it as well. If anything, that'd just make my words more meaningful. "This isn't like our missions against the Teeth and Fallen where we had side missions or direct supervision. This is just us on a mission that's going to be front page news no matter how it turns out. If we screw up it makes the whole team look bad. That takes trust."


    "I hadn't thought of it like that," Vicky replied. "That's kinda big, isn't it?"


    "Yeah." Well, that's a bit lame. "So I'm nervous." We all glanced at each other.


    "Hey, don't let nerves get to you," Vicky insisted. "We're still a collection of crazy powerful badasses. We just have to find a killer and explain to them how badly they fucked up. The only hard part is they're only guilty of murdering Fallen. Who fucking deserve it."


    "Without starting a small war," I reminded. "If this turns large scale violence, we failed our win condition."


    "Shouldn't be so hard," Vicky replied. "I mean, look at us. No one wants to start a fight with us. All we really need to do is ask a few questions. Second anyone lies to us, we know where to look. Pretty easy, all considered."


    ============

    Someone asked for a Lily chapter.

    Also, I think I'm starting to get the hang of this telling the story around the main characters instead of through them experiment I've been doing lately. What do you think?
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2015
  24. dasstan

    dasstan :)

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    Special mention for those two, hmm?
    You tease.
     
  25. tsuknoryu2986

    tsuknoryu2986 Not too sore, are you?

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    And now shit is going to explode.
     
  26. CptTagon

    CptTagon Prolific Writer

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    That's pretty harsh, Amelia. And Taylor, you really should support your friend.
    fucking, although I've seen it both ways. Albeit by characters with an accent.
     
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  27. Slayer Anderson

    Slayer Anderson Orthodox Heretic

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    So we're switching genres from superhero shenanigans to noir crime thriller?

    ...yeah, I can run with this.

    I enjoy the fact that you're not focusing on Taylia as much, TanaNari, because it means they're perfectly fine and no DRAMA is going to occur off-screen and...I should stop talking now, shouldn't I?
     
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  28. nebelmann

    nebelmann Making the rounds.

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    Ah, Lisa you are Meg Griffin in this friendly little Pantheon family. Sometime soon she will explode and it will end ugly.
     
  29. selonianth

    selonianth Writer of Words

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    Except no one, again including Lisa, is taking that as a serious insult. For fucks sake enough with the stupid "Stop abusing Lisa" kind of comments when not even Lisa took the comment seriously.
     
  30. Deltawaves1

    Deltawaves1 Getting sticky.

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    Hmmm, now where is that wet fish which will inevitably slap me in the face?
     
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