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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

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    So off-hand that I don't immediately see the relevance to this thread. Perhaps quote the relevant bits you're complaining about?
     
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  2. 9adam4

    9adam4 No emotion, only "peace"

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    Implying it's unthinkable to Christians that Jesus is not white. Ain't so, Jack.
     
  3. Buggy123

    Buggy123 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Oh no...
     
  4. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

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    That's just terrible. And by terrible, I mean the site that comic is posted on. Zoat should probably be linking to the original site or something instead.
     
  5. 9adam4

    9adam4 No emotion, only "peace"

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    Ghastly Comic was excellent. Anyone who hasn't read it should.

    The comparison was still uncalled for.
     
  6. Lurker Scum

    Lurker Scum Getting some practice in, huh?

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    I could say a lot of things about this, but I'll just go with the fact that you're the one and only person making a point of bringing it up. Let it lie, enjoy the story and if you disagree with Zoat's opinions, ignore it so we can move on.
     
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  7. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    I wonder why this guy didn't show up when Paul was searching for people to give rings to with his greed vision?

    Because there's no way someone who was doggedly pursuing a a need for hundreds of thousands of years wouldn't have been a giant beacon to that.
     
  8. 9adam4

    9adam4 No emotion, only "peace"

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    I've expressed my opinion on it; there's nothing more to say except in response to what others say.
     
  9. Nervaqus987

    Nervaqus987 Well worn.

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    That's a touch more Will than Avarice, IMO.
     
  10. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    And more than a little Compassion, too, if Karmang was focused on making his people better.
     
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  11. Ardy

    Ardy I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Did we ever get Captain Marvel talking with Paul about Nabu? I think we faded in on the apokalyptian base with Amon with them saying "that was a great discussion" or something but since we got all the other conversations I'm not sure if Zoat skipped that one.
     
  12. Lurker Scum

    Lurker Scum Getting some practice in, huh?

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    Is there? I felt it was more, "I gave you one job and you idiots went full racist instead! Let me clean this up so I can start again."
     
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  13. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Well, when he started out, anyway. I suspect that initial compassion was lost in rage when he woke up and saw how his apprentices had messed things up.
     
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  14. Threadmarks: Field Trip (part 9)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    8th January
    18:44 GMT


    Shattered rock turns to dust before it can hit the floor, crackling for a second before earthing itself through the machinery martian!

    "UUUUUhH!"

    He staggers, the floor shaking under his lumbering footfalls. Another flash leaps at L'atroma, who phases and allows it to pass through her. The Primate gestures again, and the rock imprisoning her subordinate similarly shatters. A moment later a green glow envelops his body and he begins to wake up.

    I take a couple of steps away from the combat zone. Allegedly ancient mage versus archmage? I think I can tell how this one will go. And even if I could tip it one way or another, I don't have the information I would need to know which side would help me more. Or help Mars more. If they're both prepared to accept my neutrality, that's the route I'm going to go.

    "Electrical discharge from an ionised cloud?" Karmang-or-not has gone back up to four arms, his hands moving rapidly between-. Ah! That's what he's doing! "Disappointing."

    The dust drops to the ground and merges with the floor, which sends a wave of razor-edged spines at both of the priests! The neophyte twists and shapeshifts, managing to get most of his bulk out of the way but taking a few shallow cuts as he does so. The Primate brings her hands together in a circle in front of her, a translucent green disk forming in front of her and completely blocking the instant stalagmites.

    Karmang is making representations of the runes corresponding to the elements of his casting with his fingers. Not really practical for humans, unless the rune is simple and being applied by brute force. But for a polymorph I imagine that it's a good deal more practical. By switching rapidly between shapes and using multiple hands, he can massively increase the speed and complexity he can use. Probably doesn't do anything for the actual peak of his abilities, but the average complexity of his combat casts would be far higher than his human equivalents. The Primate's doing it too, but she doesn't have his experience. She's only just spouting a second set of arms, while he… Isn't going back up to six.

    Circle-wiggle fingers-clenched fist from her, and a sphere of near-vacuum forms around Karmang. Open hand gesture towards L'atroma, who bounces off an invisible force field before she can eviscerate the neophyte. The clanswoman slashes at it, and I feel it as the shield fails.

    "Let me show you-"

    Ah… Open-hand-with-curled-fingers into circle into L-shape with wiggling thumb… He's got extra fingers as well, and I can't tell what the rest of his hands are doing. Presumably one is enabling him to vibrate the air outside of his vacuum.

    "-how-"

    A gust of air as the vacuum spell fails and gas from the surrounding environment is sucked back in.

    "-to-"

    "AYYYIEE!"

    The Primate's arms break, the main bones in her upper and lower arms suddenly turning L-shape with an audible snap.

    "-do-"

    L'atroma dives forward, passes through the neophyte's weak electrical discharge before stabbing him in the chest. The spell fails at once, then L'atroma brings their heads together and the sorcerer convulses for a moment before collapsing.

    "-it-"

    The Primate's eyes burst.

    "-properly."

    She falls to her knees, moaning softly.

    Karmang steps forward. "Your personal arcane defences were inadequate. Too… Rooted in the physical. Our natures are protean, and yet you made no effort to stabilise your physiology." He crouches, pulling the chin of the keening Primate up so he can stare into her face. "You really had no respect for me at all, did you? Even after seeing what I'd done with my followers."

    He stands, letting her fall face-first to the ground.

    "What a complete waste of time your kind have been. K'emra, do you still function?"

    There's an electrical whir from the insides of the large White Martian. "Yeah. Overloaded my shield. It'll be fixed in a minute."

    "Grayven. Do you intend to keep hold of S'yrra?" He turns to look at me. "She has regained consciousness."

    "I.. think it best. She clearly doesn't have the capacity to threaten you."

    "Hm. While I.. could regard that as taking a side, I suppose that she's harmless. And she can take a message to her masters for me."

    S'yrra floats herself off my shoulder, then turns to face the clan. I notice her tremble at the sight of the fallen Primate.

    "Acolyte S'yrra, do you know me?"

    "You-. You are not Karmang."

    "What would it take to prove it to you? Perhaps my memories?"

    S'yrra breathes in sharply, then stumbles to the ground.

    "Though there are rather a lot of them. Perhaps I should level this monastery and undo a dozen generations of embedded spellcraft? It would be easy enough."

    "I'm-. You are powerful. But you are not Karmang."

    Another series of gestures, and blue circles form around her wrists, ankles and neck and pull her off the ground.

    "Are you prepared to die for that belief?"

    "That.. does not appear to be up to me."

    "You appear to be quicker than some, at least. I have a message for you to relay. Can you do that for me?"

    "Yes. I can relay your demands."

    "Good. I state that I am Karmang, master of Z'onn Z'orr and founder and leader of the Hyperclan. I have long been disgusted by both the Red aristocracy and the oppression of the White. As such, though I could rightfully claim to be an earlier-"

    He shifts his shape, growing taller, thinner and spikier, his exterior surface shimmering from the same molecular destabilisation technique the Burner in the Guardian ship used.

    "-form of Martian, I choose not to."

    He shrinks and softens once more.

    "My demands are simple. All Red Martians will leave all high political offices and the Planetary Council will disband. I will be recognised as the ruler of Ma'aleca'andra. I will choose new leaders for each city, and new laws will be put in place to ensure colour equality henceforth. Once I am satisfied with the situation, I will eliminate my office and return to my studies."

    "M'arzz will never accept a murderer as its ruler, much less one who pretends to be our most respected historical leader."

    "Then the fighting will go on. Unlike the Manhunters my followers are spoiling for a fight."

    "That will change when I inform them what you have done here."

    "Good! Unlike you I'm not a colourist. But if a bunch of Greens decide that they're so committed to the status quo that they're prepared to kill for it, I'll know that I'm correct to kill them as well. And for the Reds and Greens living in the territory we hold… It's interesting; I've long wondered about the effectiveness of large scale zeitgeist programming. Using mass telepathic broadcasts to show the oppressors exactly what it's like living under them. Now that I'm moving openly there are just so many options."

    "I will tell them."

    "Thank you." He gestures and she vanishes. "Now, Grayven. I have a problem with which I hope you can help me."

    "I'm listening."

    "I lead the Hyperclan, but I don't lead this uprising. In truth, no one does. There are many leaders, and I will make the competent ones the rulers of their cities in due course. But the one named B'enn B'lanx is agitating for all out warfare. I do not believe that to be in the interests of Ma'aleca'andra, but I can't risk undermining my position or splintering the resistance by confronting him openly. Could I prevail upon you to speak with him?"
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2019
  15. Ganurath

    Ganurath Apologizes For Nothing

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    He was probably still in his stasis coma.
     
  16. Tyrantviewer

    Tyrantviewer lord of all I survey

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    I like this guy, I hope he lives, then Graven can get him on his Not!Light council at some point
     
  17. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Probably, but even assuming that the man actually existed, there aren't any good descriptions of his appearance. Assuming any racial background is guesswork.
     
  18. Ardy

    Ardy I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Surprisingly competent for a dude that had the aliases "the good" and "the evil".
     
  19. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    He hasn't yet acquired the latter.
     
  20. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    He staggers, the floor shaking under his lumbering footfalls.

    How... Mercenary... of you, Grayven.

    Not sure what this means. Did you mean four razor-edged spines?

    ...unless the rune is simple and being applied by brute force.

    He's showing off by out-casting her with the same number of limbs, isn't he?

    Presumably one is enabling him to vibrate the air outside of his vacuum.

    Primate status: Utterly REKT.

    <!> S'yrra Will Remember That <!>

    "Then the fighting will go on. Unlike the Manhunters my followers are spoiling for a fight."
    (Stray comma)

    Side-Quest Acquired: Death on Mars.

    Hoo-boy, this is getting Westeros-tier Political. So glad Rule Eight isn't applicable here :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2019
  21. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    Hmm, Blanx killed Mars in the comics.

    So he might very well be "My way or fiery death for you and you and you! Fiery death for everyone!" like a demented Oprah.
     
  22. Ardy

    Ardy I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Ominous!
     
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  23. Buggy123

    Buggy123 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Which raises the question of why exactly broken arms, burst eyeballs, and other physical injuries are immediately debilitating. Painful, sure, but what's to stop a martian from just re-absorbing a broken arm and making a new one?


    I'm not a historian (or a christian for that matter), but I was under the impression that historians were reasonably confident that he did exist, whether the events depicted in the bible are accurate or not.

    But you're right, if even his existence is uncertain, his specific race is definitely up in the air.
     
  24. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Presumably that's what Karmang meant by "stabilise their physiology." The Primate was too affected by their physical injuries to continue resisting.
    Remember,Karmang is a hardier breed from a more violent time. I expect that if he'd done what the Primate did, curling up in pain over a mere broken bone or burst eye, his childhood teachers would have likely executed him and just bred another in his place...
     
  25. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    Well, the "talk" Grayven has with that guy is gonna be interesting.
     
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  26. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    Eh, lots of people killed Mars.
    Because martians aren't truely protean; they have to think about redesigning their bodies. And they're not all very good at it.
    My current understanding -and I am of course willing to change my mind in the face of evidence- is that while there are historical references to early Christians, there are no contemporary accounts of Jesus. Biblical sources can't reliably be traced back that far, and writing we do have from the period doesn't mention him. That does not of course mean that he didn't exist, merely that you'd be stuck trying to prove that he did.
     
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  27. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    Word of Greg is that indeed Martians do speed up their healing with shapeshifting.
     
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  28. w34v3r

    w34v3r Versed in the lewd.

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    But since that's a conscious act it means they have to think about it, right?
     
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  29. Xelloss

    Xelloss Know what you're doing yet?

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    We can make educated guesses. For example, being a carpenter, it's likely that he was quite fit.
    Having a beard is an Ancient Greek trope for being wise, it's likely that he didn't have one and that it was added later on.
     
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  30. Tyrantviewer

    Tyrantviewer lord of all I survey

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    The whole put down from Karmag on the Primate not stabilizing herself, acutually seems to reflect something I noticed, Karmang uses everything- Magic, telekinesis, shapeshifting, as we see here they are all used to produce a greater whole, but we see that while the Primate used some of it, she was notably slower and worse than Karmang, even as he limited himself to the same number of arms, he instead showed her up by attacking her with a hollywood voodoo type attack (L shape with his fingers, L shape break of her arms) to show not only how his Magical skills were broader than hers, but her defenses were weak, and also reflected the flaws of the Red hierarchy as Karmang sees them.

    Karmang set up the red based government by empowering those who he thought could best lead his people towards progress and the future, Instead they went nowhere, content to calcify into the social hierarchy the Guardian's encouraged and Karmang assisted, seeing his assistance and thier dominance as a right not a duty. So now we have modern Magical Martians who seem to lack in the Basics as Karmang sees them, Prefering flashy lightning, lacking in mystical defence, or the skill/fortitude to keep up in a magical fight.

    I feel that Karmang hates the racism of current Mars, not only for how it hurts white martians, but because of how it hurts All martians. I can see him hating how it seems to have limited and weakened his entire people.

    I also love how he wants to fix things, "Get out of the way and clean things up and then maybe you can get it right this time" He is like a grumpy less powerful and hands on God Emperor...

    I am really looking forward to how this turns out
     
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