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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    I always assumed that he was in billy form not captain marvel form and that's why he got done in.
     
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  2. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    You don't need to wonder. This is (our) Grayven. We know he's an enormous troll. Of course he deliberately phrased it that way.
     
  3. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  4. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    I get the feeling Kyle still doesn't trust Grayven 16. Is that going to have bad consequences in the mission Mr Zoat?
     
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  5. Aeess

    Aeess I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    There are still a couple instances left.
     
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  6. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    Li'l Brudder! :( ;_;
    [​IMG]
     
  7. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
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  8. Kalem_Lee

    Kalem_Lee Well worn.

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    1) I like this Eliza.

    2)New Space Battleship Whooooo!
     
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  9. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    Is a single ship. What do.you think*
     
  10. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

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    I think they were asking how the Doomsday would fare against Grayven 50's Apokoliptian battleship, not Grayven 50's whole fleet.

    The Apokoliptian battleship is said to be as strong as the rest of Grayven 50's fleet combined, while the Doomsday was said to be able to destroy any fleet in Vega and then some. That seems like roughly the same criteria, so I think it's a fairer fight than you imply.
     
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  11. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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  12. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Yeah, but that says more about Vega than about the Doomsday. Only the psions were really tech-focused, and they didn't really bother with fleets. Most Vega worlds also have relatively low populations.
     
  13. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

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  14. Threadmarks: Conqueror's Moon (part 16)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    27th December 2004
    21:21 GMT -5


    "…still say-" I point my right arm at an automated gun turret and fire a fusion beam at it, burning metal and detonating the power cell. "-that we should call this 'Plan Gorkamorka'."

    Kara uses her heat vision to stencil a section of metal wall in the side of the prison camp, which Batson grabs and uses to snowplough eight of the lizarkon garrison into their own barracks before folding it around to trap them there.

    "Why would we call-" A marksman in the guard tower hits her with a focused plasma beam. She ignores the hit and stares at the gun, melting the metal of the containment chamber without puncturing the plasma bottle or battery. The sniper drops it and scrambles back at once. "-it that?"

    "Because it's a perfect combination of-"
    We Are Assailed!
    "-cunning and brutality!" That wasn't me. An automatic system, or… Apokoliptian technology here, he'd feel it. I'm not totally sure how it works. Rally to My Flag.

    A wing of gordanians with flight packs shoots over the blasted remains of the old thanagarian defence silo, weapons at the ready. Then they spot me and freeze in bewilderment. United, Divides.

    Ball and chain constructs appear around their left legs, causing them to plummet to the ground. A group of air stewardess constructs then appear and with a smile neatly pluck their guns out of their unresisting hands.

    I should probably take a look at their.. gear at some point. See if my alter ego has learned anything about how to make New God technology easier to use for people who aren't New Gods. It would certainly help me with sprucing up the Watchtower if John wasn't the only one who could use the upgrades.

    "No one else knows what it means!"

    One frustrated glance at me, then she rockets into the sky to intercept.. a fighter squadron flying in from Thandalar. Pretty good response time.

    Eliza appears in front of me, dropping numerous examples of Apokoliptian technology on the ground in front of me as she does so. "This what you want?"

    "Yes, thank you. Good fetching."

    I float them up so I can get a better look at them. Nothing particularly outstanding, they're mostly just the bare minimum he needs for expanding his awareness. I begin constructing an aura disruptor, ignoring the explosions as the fighters lose their fight with Kara and collide with the ground. Kara drops down a moment later, the sorry-looking pilots held in her hands by the collars of their jumpsuits.

    Pff. Superheroes.

    While I'm only really trying to attract Grayven 50's attention by doing this, I'm.. a little… Concerned. I don't know how my own spiritual force will measure up to his. He's been a fully empowered New God for… Some time. And the volume of his territory is greater than mine. Even if I'm generous and count all of Vega thanks to the Orange Lantern Corps' hegemony. And I'm not completely sure how there being two of me will affect things, particularly with him having far greater personal experience of this sort of thing. He actually grew up on Apokolips, while the only person I've had to practise on has been Knockout. And with her officially working for me she doesn't really resist.

    If anything, she seems to enjoy being subjected to…

    Yeah.

    The main internment block shakes as Batson takes out a wall, and then the thanagarian internees stream out and towards where Eliza is sticking a metal bar through the hush tube portal to mark out where it is. I'm not exactly sure what made the other fellow send these particular thanagarians here. Military personnel -the few who survived the conquest- are housed at a far more secure facility.

    Sinestro?

    They appear to be lower level officials in regional government and their families, Lantern Grayven.

    Yes, he'd already decided to do away with existing power structures but he'd need someone to administer the thanagarian areas. Presumably he was holding them here until things were stable enough for a re-education program. And now they'll be guests of Queen Hyathis, the only person we could think of who both wants thanagarian settlers and could organise a food supply for them at short notice. I doubt that they'll appreciate it, but hostages can't be choosers.

    Alright, area unconquered, and done in the style of Earth-based superheroes rather than a rival warlord. While Team Morka are busy trying to hack local computers and find people to interrogate, I think that Team Gorka's brute force effort is now ready.
    Plant the Standard.
    My own yellow light flows into the device, but there's no other visible effect of my arcane declaration of intent. Ah, but of course. I'm reading as near-identical to the other fellow. There's no harm in planting your flag on land you already unquestionably own. I need something a little more relevant, something that directly challenges the current overlord.
    Challenge the Hegemon.

    Currents of power and intent jerk and jangle, twisting into alignment with my God Name. Like ripples generated in the surface of a body of water by a propeller touching the water, I can feel my impetus spreading outwards, gradually mixing and fading into the network of other patterns of arcane energy already residing here. There's none of the resistance that there would usually be, at least at this stage. Thanagar has nothing like the strength of background magic that Earth has, and the ripples simply aren't… Distinct enough or invasive enough for Grayven to feel yet.

    Of course, if he weren't here… Whoever had hegemony would begin finding their works disrupted, their personal authority suddenly less unquestionable. Power lies where people believe it to lie, after all. I'm not sure exactly what it looks like; I haven't used it much myself. I don't want Tamaran to be propped up by one alien and on Earth it… There would be risks I don't want to bear, and simpler and more legitimate-seeming techniques I could use instead.
    Lead from the Van.
    Almost makes me want to pick a place and…


    No. No. What was that? Ah. Ah, I see. The.. layers Grayven 50 is using to build up his influence. I haven't seen this before. With Apokolips, the whole place is just so overwhelmingly WRONGWRONGWRONG, and none of my other New God contacts have put the.. time into the places I've encountered them to achieve it. And because our natures are so similar, I'm susceptible to... Blowback.

    But then, so is he.

    Lead from the Van [relates to] Challenge the Hegemon.


    I watch my colleagues, the people I led here, finish escorting the former prisoners through the hush tube in opposition to the Hegemon's designs. I stand on an enemy-held planet under an enemy fleet and spit in my foe's face because I love my brother and he'd get all mopey without Barda and because I wouldn't even think about leaving this to someone else. I MUST be the one to make this challenge.

    The two strains of my God Voice wrap around one another, spreading together and reaching further into the network. What else-?

    Moved by My Design.


    Oh, that's not even hard.

    Lead from the Van [relates to] Challenge the Hegemon [relates to] Moved by My Design.


    We're here because I brought us here. My work with Sunset, with the Lords and Stormwatch, my familial ties, my drive to involve myself in events. That same drive that led me to lead this assault, to challenge whatever ruler stands in opposition to me. Even this team came together because I wanted them to.

    Another shift in the networks, this one over a far larger area. And I can feel it begin to undermine other related parts of my/his nature, aligning them to me rather than him.


    "Stand by, team. I think we're-"

    ALL SHALL KNEEL!
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2019
  15. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    Can someone post a version with the invisible thing highlighed, please?
     
  16. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Working on it! Please wait... Commentary coming soon...

    Edit: That's... A LOT Of Godspeech. Spoilering that shit!
    (I've highlighted what appears to be Grayven-50's godspeech in a different color for convenience)
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2019
  17. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    colleagues

    fucked?
     
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  18. Whenever Possible

    Whenever Possible Versed in the lewd.

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    Didn't Grayven learn his lesson about randomly pushing his soul into other people's arcane structures the last time he tried it? Sure, this isn't an extra-dimensional british castle, but still.
     
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  19. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

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    Remove one use.

    In instead of the first of, maybe?

    having far greater personal experience in this sort of thing.



    Looks like the Renegade learned a new trick, just in time for the confrontation.
     
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  20. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    This God claim business is very interesting.

    Paul-Grayven conquers by indirect means, by making people want to follow.

    It seems more stable, more efficient, but also means less...direct conquest.

    I direct duel between the two Grayvens will be interesting.
     
  21. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Ah, Grayven, you magnificent trolling fanboy...

    I see they have plenty of combat tactics worked out.

    Because it's proper Kulcha! Waaaagh!

    I'm going to put what i think are Grayven-50's works into an alternate color here... If only to try and keep it straight.

    Yes, seeing what looks like your master fighting against you would be disruptive, I bet.

    Ah, Raynor, fancy as ever. I bet those big, elegant constructs are energy- and concentration-intensive, aren't they?

    Admit it, Grayven, you just want new toys, don't you.

    Do not poke the frustrated kryptonian, it's bad for your health.

    Is she sick of the 'puppy' references yet?

    I'll bet she doesn't. But in all honesty, this could be a major challenge for our 'hero'. Facing a real Grayven, with only a decently-augmented human soul? This could end so badly. But it wouldn't be the Renegade without poorly thought-out, spur-of-the-moment decisions that are prone to backfiring.

    Ah, people not worth executing.

    Better than death, certainly.

    You really love that angle, don't you, Grayven?

    Yeah, that's a poke in the eye of the other guy.

    If this was animated, this part would have to be done in a trippy Kirby-esque psychedelic style, wouldn't it? Something akin to the New God parts of Seven Soldiers... And it would look soooo cool.

    And there's the first push-back. And a fascinating look at the Renegade's philosophy of Acquisition.
    Seriously, He may have been poured into a shape aligned to Grayven's aspect of Conquest By War, but the Renegade hasn't earned most of what he's gained by strength of arms. He's formed alliances, collected followers through charisma and fellowship, and only resorted to force when needed as a last resort. He's not the New God of Conquest, he's the New God of Acquisition!

    Ah, studying something by poking it. Always effective, even if it leads to explosive results...

    And I'm impressed he cares so deeply for Scott Free and Barda, given his real origins...

    New technique Acquired: Twisting the Weave! Gotta love those mid-combat moments of inspiration.

    It's all about you, isn't it? But then, this is your story.
    Ah, Grayven-50 has taken the field. Let's see just how stupid he looks, shall we?

    Oh, wow. That was a mindbending experience. Every time I think you can't out-do yourself, Mr Zoat, you pull something new.
    Admittedly, Readers on Mobile might be a little annoyed at you.:p
     
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  22. Lord Ernest

    Lord Ernest At the End...

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    I don't think I understood all the subtleties of what was happening but that was still awesome and really interesting. What really confuses me is not knowing when the 'Commands' come from the Renegade or Grayven 50; if the latter shows up and they have some kind of New God Duel it will get confusing but so intriguing at the same time.

    By the way, I love the proposed name for the title, '"Gorkamorka", had a laugh when I read it and had to take a breath before continuing the chapter.
     
  23. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    No, that's correct.
    DEATH TO THE MIDGET COMPUTERS!
     
  24. Dragolord19d

    Dragolord19d Versed in the lewd.

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    ...But I can’t reach my computer for another 6 Hours...
     
  25. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

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    Why? With a suitable browser extension and user script the invisitext is perfectly readable on midget computers.
     
  26. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    But that’s work I don’t want to think about or work out how to do. Instead I brute force it by highlighting stuff one line at a time and pushing “Look up”. The other option is to copy paste into another text editor.
     
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  27. dogbertcarroll

    dogbertcarroll Random lurker

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    Then when they come into direct contact with one another they merge...
     
  28. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    Well I suppose my headcanon that grayven in earth 50 was another paul I suppose.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2019
  29. Ace Dreamer

    Ace Dreamer Questioning The Nature of our Realities

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    Personally I may not regard references to Warhammer 40K to be worth the bytes wasted on them... But, probably, that's just me. :)

    I wonder if Grayven sees himself as the Emperor of Mankind? :)
     
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  30. BR549

    BR549 This is filth! FILTH!!

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    "Why would I ever want to think in such small terms?"
     
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