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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. SirKaid

    SirKaid Know what you're doing yet?

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    Vae has the magical power of reading an entirely different story, one in which all of his assumptions are axiomatically correct and everyone naturally agrees with him.

    Sadly, he doesn't also have the magical power to post his replies to that story instead of this one.
     
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  2. Tavarokk

    Tavarokk Pursuer of perversion

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    Having finally gotten around to reading this, I am now unsure if I'm more irritated by the MC's tendency to overcomplicate things and overestimate any possible risks and negative consequences when it comes to women or amused that it led to him having sex for the first time with a giant space spider monster of all things.
     
  3. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    Technically the spinoff is the first time he had sex, I believe, but still... At the very least Zoat is obviously self aware and playing awkward relationships for humor value is much better than not doing so. I think he knows he can’t write normal relationships without it being boring for this audience, so he writes believable melodrama from the perspective of a character worrying too much.
     
  4. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Doesn't count.
    Various conditioning techniques combined with domain powers.
    Thank you, corrected.
    No, the Renegade is just asking if Desaad is going to appear as well.
    Not exactly. It isn't named in the comics.
    The Renegade hasn't heard that specific one refered to as either Mother or Father.
     
  5. Enochi

    Enochi Having way to much fun with AI.

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    I guess even if Sunset is dead... Does it really matter? I mean Grayven just pointed out that resurrection is quite possible in DC. Maybe not super easy but well within his means.
     
  6. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    It's a lot easier with a body.
     
  7. Zig

    Zig Not too sore, are you?

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    Given that Paul came over without a soul, we don't know how ponies interact with DC afterlives.
     
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  8. Twilight666

    Twilight666 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I think he is talking about this:
     
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  9. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Ah. Well, let's say that Grayven doesn't know and so isn't being consistent.
     
  10. Lord Ernest

    Lord Ernest At the End...

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    I don't know absolutely anything about Ponies, magical or otherwise, but Sunset could use magic and in the lore established, for this fic at least, the souls are directly related to the ability to use magic. That should mean that Sunset has a soul compatible enough to connect with the magical networks but again, that's just an assumption. That doesn't really mean anything regarding afterlives but Ghost do exists, after all, and some souls get stuck in space apparently, so that's some clue of where to find her soul at least.
     
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  11. Aeess

    Aeess I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I think the biggest problem is that the only DCAU afterlife we ever saw really sucks, like Grayven would probably have to fight Hades and his army of zombies to get Sunset back.
     
  12. Chaoswind

    Chaoswind Lord of nonsense

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    Father box, I believe this error is made twice but I am on my phone.

    He called it a father box in the previous update, be consistent.



    Fine. But I hope you are prepared for being CONSTANTLY reminded about this continuity error every few days and whenever someone takes the time to reread the episode, present day Mr Zoat is making the life of future Zoat a lot harder and annoying than it needs to be.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2019
  13. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    Are, there are the traditonal Booms.
     
  14. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Wouldn't be the first time.
     
  15. Diraniola

    Diraniola I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Paul came without a soul because nobody in the earth he came from has a soul as its understood in DC, which is a thaumic interfacing body. Sunset clearly does have a thaumic presence so it is implied that she has a soul.
     
  16. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    They weren't being lazy about the nomenclature -- the distinction is entirely modern and has no basis in classical weapon taxonomy. You do recall correctly about the messer, of course, but if it had been obviously, factually wrong to call it a knife, then that trick of legal nitpicking wouldn't have worked. The machete is another example we could bring into the discussion; the machete mostly gets to be called a knife because it's intended for use as a tool, not a weapon. (In truth it's actually more of a long-bladed axe than a knife or a sword.)

    The classification of "dagger" is ALSO a modern invention, which is why I didn't even bring it up. There were historical weapons called daggers at the time, of course, but the traditional meaning doesn't match the modern one. It would be very hard to call most historical daggers "knives" because they were thrusting weapons, designed for stabbing, not for cutting. Sometimes they were just spikes, no edge to speak of, just a strong shaft for parrying and a sharp point for poking through gaps in armor.

    In short: it isn't inappropriate to call the Sword of the Fallen a sword.

    wailing on (never mind, turns out both are OK)
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2019
  17. Cherico

    Cherico Connoisseur.

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    look it isn't the size of the sword that matters its what you do with it.
     
  18. lefthandturnsignal

    lefthandturnsignal Making the rounds.

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    Pretty sure whaling on is correct if the context is hitting someone.
     
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  19. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    "Wail on" is correct, although now that you mention it I'm finding information that "whale on" is probably the older form, so they're both OK.
     
  20. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    I thought more harpoons would be involved if we were whaling?
     
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  21. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    Did you miss the part where Renegade just lost his hand to something he can't heal from?
     
  22. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    Can't heal from until he cuts off his hand and regenerates the whole thing from the stump. It's a wound, even a disabling one, but he's not permanently crippled.
     
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  23. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    Should be a Father Box. A Mother Box would completely refuse to work for someone like Granny Goodness.
     
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  24. Threadmarks: Conqueror's Moon (part 26)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    27th December 2004
    22:23 GMT -5


    Doctor Impossible vaults through one even as streams of heavily armed gordanian marines storm through the rest!

    "Scott!" "There's such a thing as too much freedom!"

    "This ship is my bastion, the cornerstone of my empire." Gordanians with large shields lead the van while others with heavy guns follow behind them and open fire! "You will not take it from me." Empower the Loyal Vassals.

    Construct armour forms around my body as I lunge at the closest group, weathering the fire in order to get into melee range. If my armour was anything like in one piece I could probably take it but as things stand-.

    Owowarrrrgh. None of the shots penetrated me before the construct went up but I've got a painful burning sensation everywhere their shots landed. High-end plasma beam projectors. Gordanians back in Universe 16 couldn't maintain those at their level of technology. As things stand I'm going to need to hug their lines, use them to queer one another's aim in order to avoid getting shot dead by minions.

    The shield-bearers brace themselves and activate the force field emitters contained within their shields as I generate a construct power fist around my right hand and slam it into them! The shield-aura buckles for a second and then fails, the feedback from whatever system they used sending the two closest flying backwards at a considerable speed! The rest shuffle closer to re-establish the shield but I'm pulling my daiklave over from where it fell even as my fist strikes home-.

    Boom!

    I don't even look around as three more gordanians get pulverised and my construct armour breaks -ahrgh- and the shots from the gun-armed ones start hitting me again. Right, grab gordanian before they can put the shield back together, chuck him at the rest, reclaim the daiklave and swing wildly!

    "Augh!" / "Nhh!" / "Aaiy!"

    "Metallica, cover his eyes!"

    "You got it, Uncle Scott!"

    And there're the shooters! A short-lived orange shield absorbs most of their point-blank volley and then the daiklave slices easily through their armour. Their armour does nothing to impede the blade, and as chunks of lizard-soldier fly through the air I feel the rest of them begin to quail. Sinestro, you there?

    Self-repairs are mostly complete. Simple constructs-

    The gordanian unit around me starts to try falling back. I focus on the largest group and begin klaving them into pieces.

    -are available, but I won't be able to actively assist you.

    Another shield unit begins closing in around me-

    "Rrrrrrrraaaaah!"

    -but a heavily built man charges into their side, circumventing their force fields and knocking several down. That appears to have been his objective as he stops to stomp on each of the fallen. Their armour… Kind of holds, but it's damaged and it doesn't look like the wearers are getting back up again.

    That's the youth from the SHADE facility. Brute. Seems that he likes his-.

    Ow! Shot me in the.. head-! I grab a shield from one of the fallen before charging the rest of the second shield squad. Something else I need to be mindful of: I'm decidedly not immune to the effects of blood loss. Which is why I can't afford to cut off my left forearm at the moment. I need to consider-. If we've gotten boom tube access again, I could pull back.

    There's a flash of light as Grayven 50 fires a large gun at Barda, who takes the hit and is sent flying with what's left of her armour a smouldering ruin. A moment later a cloud of iron filings wraps itself around his head as a woman apparently made of metal directs it to prevent further omega beam shots. Char is using some sort of staff to focus his energy projection ability, sniping gordanians from behind a shield that Rayner has erected to protect Barda. No sign of Stretch, but with the amount of fire being thrown around that's probably for the best.

    "Hey, my man!" Brute smiles at me as I slash a gunner's chest open vertically. "Good to see yah again!"

    I crouch and shield-block as another volley of shots comes my way. "Really?"

    "Sure." He stands and takes it, his costume rapidly being abraded but his skin being unmarred. "I mean, you look like shit, but a'm always up for fightin' aliens!"

    Fire slackens and we charge.

    "See how pretty you look after being hit by the omega effect."

    "Nah, I'm-" He punches a gunner through his gorget, pulverising the lower part of his head and sending him crashing to the deck. "-good."

    Flickers of light emerge from Grayven 50's helmet as he burns through the metal coating with the omega effect.

    Okay, I can klave through his armour, then stab him. There can't be many more things he can pull out of his arse.

    "Brute." I point to Grayven 50. "That way. Metallica, try ripping open his helmet!"

    "You got it!"

    The doors out of the room open as more soldiers storm in, their weapons trained on myself and Brute. They're smaller than those used by the hit squad, but I shift position so that I'm behind Brute because I'm not all that confident I could survive the extra attention. Nearly-.

    There's a flash as Grayven 50 gets his eyes clear and takes a shot, hitting Brute in the chest and sending him crashing to the floor! I leap over the youth and swing, daiklave shearing through Grayven 50's helmet and cutting into his face! He strikes the blade with his still-active gauntlet and wrecks it, but I use the opening to grab his shoulder and stab the Sword of the Fallen directly into his head!

    "Argk!"

    And stab again and again, until I'm sure that he's not moving. Then I take a firmer grip and slice around what's left of the gorget until the helmet falls off.

    Damn. He looks nearly as bad as me.

    The eye which I shot with the dart is mostly there, though whether that's because the shot was only partially successful or because he regenerated I'm not sure. The side of his face which I cold beamed is frozen in places, solidified and unmoving even as his muscles go slack across the rest of his face.

    Right, stare at his ugly mug later. I hack at his neck, lift his head free and then hold it out at the gordanians. They stop firing.

    "He's dead. You can retreat to the rest of the fleet and go back to Thanagar. Or you can die, along with all of your comrades once I take control of this ship's weapon systems."

    Squad leaders look at one another for a moment, then one of those who came in by boom tube beats his chest with his right fist. I don't hear anything, but from the way they form up and march out I assume that whoever that was gave them orders by a radio built into their armour.

    I drop the head, then turn and-. The rest of the youth squad are checking over Brute. The skin has been burned off his chest, exposing muscles and.. even bone in a few places. He spots me looking at him.

    "Guess you were right."

    I trudge closer, Char looking at me as if he thinks I can fix this. Lucky for him that he's right. Brute doesn't appear to have accelerated regeneration, which means that these injuries would be crippling without exotic healing. I take a healing ray out of subspace and fire it at him. The others don’t recognise it, shrinking back for a moment before they spot his flesh knitting back together. Once he's mostly intact again I toss it to Scott. Barda's conscious but not exactly full of the joys of spring. He nods in gratitude as he catches it.

    Mother Box, open a boom tube to Thanagar. Bring Stormwatch and the Lords back. I need to give John, Shayera and Richard the bad news.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2019
  25. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

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    *beats his chest
     
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  26. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    To think, all that and you only took Granny and Grayven out of play for the single day it takes them to get back to Apocalypse.
     
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  27. DeathlessProficiency

    DeathlessProficiency Know what you're doing yet?

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    REEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    GRAYVENBOWL WINNER: RENEGRAYVEN

    NO PYRRHIC VICTORY IN A PYRE FOR THIS SERIES FOLKS

    REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
     
  28. Bigking321

    Bigking321 Not too sore, are you?

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    So no upside down God speech for grayven?

    Was that because granny died of her wounds and blood loss and grayven was directly killed by the sword and reincarnated?

    Or would granny dying of a cut throat still count as a sword kill and the lack of upside down speech is a fluke on either granny's or grayvens parts?
     
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  29. Eponymic

    Eponymic Getting sticky.

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    Vaults through one of the what?

    Extra are?

    Reference to his weapon, or interpretive Scots?
     
  30. Eponymic

    Eponymic Getting sticky.

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    Begins?
     
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