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SHINOBI: The RPG - New Game

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Fulcon, Jun 17, 2020.

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  1. l---erddad---l

    l---erddad---l Wait, google can see this?

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    I feel like he's gonna give a "good enough" synopsis (healing, how to changes how he learns certain things, how to sets certain things such as sleeping to a perfect clock, how it interacts with his surroundings just a bit), and Kakashi is gonna go "is that everything?" and he'll respond "everything that matters" and everyone will move on.
     
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  2. dragondude

    dragondude Not too sore, are you?

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    I think Daisuke won't have the learning disability of previous versions when the game isn't feeding him information. He has to regularly exercise his brainmeats for jutsu design in this version.

    He might even have to put some mental effort into stringing words together, instead of mentally going 'speech skill activate' which means thinking around things that aren't part of the system won't be a novel problem.
     
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  3. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Well thank you. :)

    ...I kind of want to do this now. Just because I think it'd be fun.

    That seems a lot less fun.

    Precisely.

    That, and I'm a better writer this time, with more experience in dealing with people, so it won't be like Daisuke's got that going against him.
     
  4. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Exactly. So long as you don't actually make the obsessed people actually successfully conflict with whatever information they have, making a running joke of it has the same results with more jokes. It's cost free enjoyment.
     
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  5. Mr.Wizzard

    Mr.Wizzard Making the rounds.

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    I just had a thought, wanted to ask if Daisuke considered keeping a hip flask full of alcohol for temporary CHA boosts? I'm almost positive there has to be a jutsu somewhere that can flush your system to prevent addiction!

    Plus it's just kinda funny to imagine the squad constantly trying to wrestle the thing away from Daisuke while he keeps complaining that he needs it, though in a totally different context then the rest are thinking of!
     
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  6. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Eh, to be honest, I have an aversion to alcohol in Real Life but the solution has occurred to me.

    ...specifically, in Fallout 3, when I made a gunslinger character who dumped strength while maxing INT. He became hopelessly addicted to whiskey and moonshine (especially the latter) as a way to balance the scales. His first drink was that first pot of moonshine in Point Lookout and he...never looked back.
     
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  7. Sargon

    Sargon I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I'm really liking this rewrite!
     
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  8. Pavalos

    Pavalos Versed in the lewd.

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    Another great chapter. Fantastic job my dude. Love your stuff
     
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  9. Threadmarks: Chapter 4: Missions and Quests.
    Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    The Following is a fan based work of fiction: Naruto and Naruto: Shippuden are owned by Shueisha, Viz Entertainment and Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the official release.

    * * *
    Bum-bum-bum-Bum!

    Level 6!

    Finally getting EXP again, which feels good. For my perk, I grabbed Educated like I had previously planned, which gave me two extra skill points. Spent 14 points on Taijutsu to bring it up to 80 and the last 3 on Fuinjutsu, bringing it up to 30.

    0/15,000 EXP to level 7.

    I thought it’d be good to start making some overtures toward my late game. Seals galore. I think for my next perk, I’ll grab either Toughness or Taijutsu Enthusiast, depending on how Tsunade’s megaton punch worked out, I might not need the percentage increase from Taijutsu Enthusiast. Then at level 10, I should be able to grab Chakra Seals so I can make seals without ink and activate them without blood.

    D-Ranks, thankfully, were a great source of EXP. 1000 exp per mission. Sure they were boring and monotonous, but I was willing to take anything at this point.

    The ryo I earned per mission didn’t hurt either. In fact, I was actually happier about that than I was about the EXP, because it let me get an apartment.

    I stood in my apartment’s doorway with a giant grin on my face, rubbing my hands together with glee as I brought my key to the knob and opened the door, stomping inside like I owned the place.

    Because I might as well have.

    In front of me was the great room, no furniture. To the right along the wall was my apartment’s balcony. On the left was the kitchen, divided from the great room by a half-wall bar. The kitchen was lined with cabinets and had a fridge, oven and stove. Sadly, it did not have a dishwasher but I’m only washing the dishes for one person so it’s not that big of a deal.

    Directly ahead was a mini hallway, a small closet at the end. To the right was the door to the bathroom, to the left was my bedroom. I moved my way over there and opened the door, coming to a room with a large window looking, and a small closet tucked away in the corner.

    Of course, there was no furniture. Obviously. But that comes later.

    First thing I did was open my storage scroll, place my bedroll on the floor and plopped on it with a huge smile on my face. My arms and legs were shaking as the tension of living in a communal home with a bunch of other kids evaporated from my body.

    As far as everything goes, this is a massive improvement over the Orphanage already. In a way...it was even an improvement over my previous life as well.

    ...then I felt all sad all of a sudden.

    I mean, I missed home. I did. I miss my parents, my siblings, some of my friends. But...I’m out and living on my own at twelve and learning how to be a Shinobi. I’ve also had time to get over the loss.

    Still hurts though.

    Nothing for it, though. Going back home, after all this time...I couldn’t do it. I really couldn’t do it. Going back to living at home trying to figure out how to leverage my skills into a boring, mundane career? I...why?

    Why would I do that?

    I mean, I would’ve taken the opportunity back in the womb, but this is like a giant restart button on my life, even if I didn’t have the game system. So...I’m sorry, family. I miss you. I’ll always miss you.

    But I think getting back together really isn’t in the cards.

    ...ah, I’m crying now.
    * * *
    4000 / 15,000 EXP until level 7.

    Nichiren hit the ground face first.

    Kakashi-sensei was having us spar. I didn’t mind it too much, we needed Nichiren to be the absolute best that he could be, but it was kind of sad. The part where his repeated failures were amusing had passed.

    “You really need to keep a better eye on your spacing,” Kakashi instructed as Hisako helped pull Nichiren up to his feet. “Back up when Daisuke attacks, don’t just stand there and block.”

    “Spacing,” Nichiren gasped in deeply, checking his glasses to make sure they hadn’t broken. They hadn’t, but I didn’t expect them too; he got issued Shinobi-grade glasses when he got made a Shinobi and those things were tough.

    Still, you’d think that Konoha would’ve figured out contact lenses a while ago.

    “You’re not mindful of your footwork,” Hisako said, looking him up and down to make sure he hadn’t broken anything. He hadn’t. “Like you forget that you can move your feet and so you just freeze.”

    Nichiren’s talent for Taijutsu is nonexistent. But he at least needs to learn to dodge. I don’t quite understand why he’s having this problem, so I’m leaving it up to Kakashi and Hisako.

    “Footwork,” Nichiren repeated, nodding rapidly. “Right, need to move. Got it.”

    “Daisuke, why don’t you take a break?” Kakashi offered. “Hisako, you take over.”

    “Yes, Sensei.”

    Hisako and Nichiren got into position and I took a seat on the ground next to where Kakashi stood.

    We finished our D-rank mission this morning, running errands for some old lady. Gave me a thousand EXP and some extra cash to throw around, so now it was just training like this until we called it a day.

    Nichiren waited, so did Hisako.

    Hisako was a lot more patient than I was. She didn’t even blink, while the nervous energy often prompted me to act quickly. The longer the fight goes on, the more chances that it can go sideways, you know?

    His nerves gave out first.

    He ran forward, throwing one punch, then a second. Hisako ducked under the first one and parried the second, planting a fist in his face and hopping back to avoid the hasty counter attack Nichiren launched, trying to do a round-house kick and getting nothing but air.

    “See?” Hisako pointed to the ground between her and him. “Spacing.”

    “Daisuke doesn’t really give me much room to move,” Nichiren countered defensively.

    Well, that’s because if I’m letting you get away, something is wrong.

    “Well, that’s a problem to deal with later,” Hisako replied. “Right now, we’re working on you.”

    Attack, attack, attack!

    I mean, we’re only sparring so it’s not that big of a deal but yeah. If we get into an actual fight, it won’t be that big of an issue because I only need one punch.

    Which is exactly how I like it.

    Hisako charged in and threw a punch, which Nichiren ducked under. Hisako carried her momentum through for a sweeping kick to the feet, which Nichiren tried to dodge by flipping back into a handstand. I think he was going to follow it through to land on his feet, but Hisako kept up her momentum and span around a second time, landing a kick right in Nichiren’s back.

    “Alright, I think we’re done for the day,” Kakashi said, hopping over to Nichiren to help him up.

    “What’d I do wrong that time?” Nichiren whined.

    “You didn’t jump her while she was spinning,” I piped up from the sidelines. “You had time and I know you’re fast enough, you could’ve gotten her while her back was turned.”

    “I was going to say he turned his back to me,” Hisako replied, crossing her arms.

    “Well, you did that too,” I pointed out. “Twice.”

    She grunted in annoyance.

    “I hope you won’t be trying moves like that on an actual mission,” Kakashi said. “Trying to be overly flashy without purpose will just get you killed.”

    “I won’t, Sensei.” Hisako quickly nodded. “I just thought it was cool move and we’re sparring, so...”

    “You have to take the training seriously,” Kakashi replied, deadpan. “Or it doesn’t do you much good.”

    Hey, Kakashi said what Hisako said to me during the bell test. Irony!

    “Yes, Sensei.”

    “Alright, dismissed, everyone. Meet up here again tomorrow at six am.”

    The rest of us have taken to showing up at around nine so we didn’t waste so much time, but that’s going to bite us in the rear one day. Think I’ll be punctual tomorrow. Just in case.

    Actually, wait just one second.

    I walked up to a tree and cocked a fist back.

    Chakra Control Check Success: 92/80.

    Taijutsu Check Success: 80/80.

    My fist impacted the tree and it exploded. It was like I punched it with a claymore explosive and it shattered into a thousand tiny splinters.

    I found myself laughing like a madman, throwing my fists up into the air with a triumphant cheer.

    That’s my early game taken care of. Now to work on Fuinjutsu so I can start scaling into the mid and lategame.

    “What was that?” Hisako called behind me. I turned to her and she looked positively bewildered. Nichiren’s mouth was on the floor and Kakashi’s eye was bugging out of its socket.

    “Oh, you guys know Tsunade-sama’s incredible strength?” I asked with a grin.

    “Yeah,” Hisako slowly replied, dragging the world out.

    “I figured out how she does it,” I finished explaining. “Turns out, it’s just a weaponized Tree-Walking technique!”

    “What.” Nichiren was flabbergasted.

    “Seriously!” I insisted. “I don’t recommend you try it, I nearly broke my hand the first time.”
    * * *​

    Something I missed about my old world were the Malls and Supermarkets. The ones that had everything you could want all in one building, just because it seemed like a more efficient use of my time.

    Still, at least there were stores. Right now, I was looking in the bargain section because I needed new clothes. I was basically running around in starting equipment and that felt like a black mark on my record as a gamer.

    There were shirts, pants, ties, outfits. I saw a gray suit that I really wanted to buy just because I thought it looked cool, though I didn’t because it was outside of my budget. The big thing that determined whether I bought something depended entirely on if it had any stats.

    Most of the things I saw had no statistical value whatsoever.

    I wasn’t surprised. Realistically, this was the garbage section of clothing. I checked out armor earlier and it was all so far out of my price range that I had to stop myself from laughing. Ludicrously expensive. I’m guessing it’s because most Jounin prefer to use the uniform they get for free and don’t have to pay anything to maintain, meaning that any armor has to sell for a lot to be worth the risk of making it in the first place.

    The only thing that was actually affordable was the mesh undershirt, and I’m going to go grab one as soon as I’ve finished assembling my wardrobe.

    I parted the hangar for something I thought would look cool...no, that’s a woman’s blouse. Hm.

    Let’s check a different shelf.

    I reached in, parted the overstuffed rack of clothes and found...it.

    A blue jumpsuit. Long sleeved, no trimmings and zipped up the front. Gives me a DR of 5% and for a piece of non-armor clothing, that’s really good. But the thing that really drew my eye was the bonus.

    +2 Charisma.

    Yup, right here. On a piece of clothing. A pretty expensive piece of clothing, as far as my budget goes but a piece of clothing nonetheless. Insta-buy.
    * * *​

    With this jumpsuit equipped, I definitely looked different.

    I was looking in the mirror, admiring the change that came over me because of my choice in gear.

    First off, I wasn’t pale anymore. My skin was a perfectly healthy shade of pink. Bone structure of the face was different too, more natural looking. I wasn’t a male model or anything but I was better. The good thing was that I was still recognizable.

    Intelligence Check Success: 10/8.

    It was going to be kind of hard to play off the sudden improvement on my looks. Well, actually, I could just say I improved my Henge which...I mean, from a certain point of view, it’s true. I’m improving the stat bonus.

    Still, I’m glad the mesh shirt I bought fits well. Can’t see it beneath the jumpsuit, but that’s an extra 10% DR. All damage I take is reduced by a total of 15% now. Not a lot, but that number is going to climb.

    I had a Charisma of 6. Isn’t it just wonderful what some equipment can do to patch up your weaknesses? I never really did that when playing games in my old world, I just didn’t see the point. But here? Yeah, there’s a point.

    Though with my blue sandals, I was definitely too blue. Though I was going to fix that when I got my armor. Alright, now what can I put this increased Charisma to use for?

    Oh, I know.

    I left my apartment with a skip in my step.

    Ichiraku Ramen was a place I dined in occasionally. Naruto brought me there to meet the only two people aside from me and occasionally the Hokage who didn’t actually ignore him. My target today was the girl, Ayame.

    Not like that...well, mostly not like that.

    Ayame was whip-smart and from what I’ve seen of her, good at reading people. She was also really, really attractive. So it was really a fifty-fifty thing. I needed some help understanding something and I was hoping she’d help me out.

    I caught sight of Ichiraku Ramen and stepped in under the flaps. Sure, I was technically only twelve but that...wasn’t nearly as important in the Elemental Nations as it was in my old world. See, when you have twelve year old weapons of mass destruction that can lead armies and become trillionaires through S-rank missions, things like ‘maturity’ stop mattering as much to a person’s lizard brain. Emotional stability was right out; this was Naruto. If you had the power, you got the babes and in vast quantities.

    But I think I’ve been spared the fan-club treatment thanks to my dumped Charisma. Something downright unnerving about my clay skin and unblinking eyes.

    The place, thankfully, was empty, so I’d be able to get some privacy. Up at the counter was Ayame, letting her beautiful face serve as the front while Ichiraku-san made the ramen in the back. “Hey, Ayame-chan.”

    “Hi there, welcome to Ichiraku Ramen,” Ayame began, before doing a double-take. “Wait, I’m sorry, have you come in before?”

    “It’s Daisuke,” I replied, taking a seat with a smile.

    Ayame blinked, staring at me for several seconds, causing me to wonder if maybe two points of extra charisma was too much at once. “Oh, yes, Daisuke! Naruto’s friend. I’m very sorry, you look very different.”

    “I hope so,” I replied with a grin. “I, uh...well, I increased the strength of my henge.”

    “Ah, that would explain it.” Ayame nodded, her eyes getting tinged with something odd.

    Charisma Check Success: 6/6.

    Sadness.

    Sadness! Yes, I read her! Hallelujah! Stat enhancing gear works!

    And it was sadness on my behalf! That’s even crazier!

    “I’m pretty happy with it, personally,” I said with a grin. “Hopefully this will make my life a lot easier.”

    “Well, as long as you’re happy with it,” Ayame replied with a smile. “Now, what can I get you?”

    “Get me a Shrimp,” I said, taking some money out of my storage scroll to pay for the meal.

    “One bowl coming up,” Ayame said happily. She took the money and passed me a bowl. I split the chopsticks and took one, giant, appreciative slurp.

    I’m not that big a fan of ramen, but Ichiraku’s was perfection. “Thank you, it’s delicious!”

    “You’re welcome,” Ayame replied with a smile. “So how’s being a Genin?”

    “It’s about what I expected,” I replied, looking up to maintain eye contact. “Just doing yard work and chores on behalf of Konoha to build up discipline and get used to the mission system. Nothing too fancy.”

    I even remembered to switch which eye I was looking into every couple of seconds.

    This is awesome!

    “Oh yeah?” Ayame asked, actually looking right back into my eyes. “I hear a lot of new Genin who come in here and they sound really disappointed.”

    “I think a lot of them were expecting to dive into the covert operations right away,” I answered with a shrug. “You know, assassinate foreign Daimyo’s, stealing scrolls of forbidden Jutsu from the other villages, that stuff?”

    Ayame nodded. “I think it’s the instructors fault. They just go on and on about how important Shinobi are to defending the Land of Fire and tell stories about missions they had to perform and it just gets their hopes up.”

    “They’ve got to be doing it on purpose,” I replied.

    “I know.” Ayame shook her head in exasperation and then coming right back to that eye contact I was trying so hard to maintain. “Imagine my surprise when my old classmates came into the ramen stand and told me that their first mission was to hunt down a lost cat.”

    “The Daimyo’s wife?” I asked with a grin.

    “Yes!” She snapped. “I remember Hiroyasu was so mad because it scratched his face up really bad.”

    “That cat just hates being touched,” I said with a smirk. Thankfully, I knew to pick it up by the scruff of its neck; induced paralysis in felines, so no scratches. “So what was that about your old classmates?”

    “Oh,” She immediately stopped, rubbing the back of her neck. “I had to drop out of the Academy to help with the stand.”

    “Really? I almost dropped out myself a couple of times,” I replied truthfully. Those failed checks had a way of really grating on your nerves. “What happened?”

    “Well,” Ayame started, looking down. Then she looked back up to me and I resumed eye-contact. “My Mom passed. Illness. Doctors said they couldn’t do anything, so when she didn’t get better, Dad needed help.”

    “I’m so sorry,” I said, as sympathetically as I could. “Losing someone like that has got to be hard.”

    “It was,” Ayame said quietly. “My Dad and I are really close now, but I still miss her.”

    I nodded. This conversation was making me wonder how my family took my own death so long ago. Mom must’ve been heartbroken. “Tell me about her.”

    She got this fond, nostalgic smile on her face.

    “Mom taught me how to cook while I was growing up,” Ayame began. “She fell for Dad when he shared with her his secret recipe and they just hit it off from there. I remember she’d let me help stretch out the dough to make noodles and would let me stir the pot while I sat on her lap.”

    “That sounds awesome,” I said with a smile of my own. “Must’ve been hard to stop you from burning yourself.”

    “I only burnt myself once,” She said, her smile getting wider. “Mom and Dad would always tell me, ‘don’t touch the stove’, ‘the fires burning, don’t touch it’...and then I touched it.”

    I just smirked.

    “But I learned my lesson,” Ayame finished with a nostalgic sigh. “Don’t touch a hot stove.”

    “That’s what ladles are for,” I replied quickly.

    “I know, right?” Ayame said, her smile turning enthusiastic.

    I took another slurp of noodles and she broke eye contact to stir the pots she was nursing on the burners beneath the counter.

    Ayame’s awesome. I mean, really. What a girl! Such a shame about her Mom. Wait, I came here for a reason...oh, right.

    “Ayame, can I get your advice on something?” I asked.

    “Sure!” Ayame said, flashing me a bright smile. “What did you need?”

    “A few weeks ago,” I began, not actually sure how long ago it was but it was before I got assigned to a team. But that didn’t matter. “Naruto came up to me and complained about how he couldn’t get a hang of his Chakra control. We’d gone over it before, and I reminded him that I’d given him several exercises which would improve his control. He told me that I was no help and left.”

    “Okay,” Ayame slowly nodded. “So you want me to help you understand what’s going on with Naruto?”

    “Yes,” I said with a nod.

    Ayame turned a burner off. “The first thing you need to understand is that Naruto does not want help. Your help, in particular.”

    I blinked and frowned. “I hope you’re going to explain.”

    “I am,” Ayame replied. “Naruto’s biggest dream is to become Hokage. That way people will respect him and look up to him. In order to become Hokage, you need to be the strongest Ninja in the village.”

    I made a finger-tent and leaned forward as I processed her explanation.

    “In his eyes, his biggest competition for the role of Hokage,” Ayame began, pointing at me. “Is you.”

    “But I don’t want the hat,” I protested.

    “Alright.” Ayame nodded. “But does Naruto know that?”

    “I’ve told him a couple times,” I said. Whenever he brought up his dream of being Hokage, I told him to go for it because I sure as heck didn’t want the position.

    “That helps,” Ayame said. “But I don’t think it matters. See, you graduated three years early, acing the exam. Naruto tells me that you do everything you try perfectly the first time. He even tells me you cracked the tree-walking technique on your own. That’s incredible.”

    “Thank you,” I replied with a smirk. “But it’s why Naruto sees me as competition?”

    “Maybe not competition,” Ayame amended, putting a finger to her lip in an oddly cute way. “More like a goal. A mountain to climb over and surpass. Does that make sense?”

    “Well, this mountain wants to help him get his goal,” I replied with a shrug.

    “And that’s really cool of you,” Ayame said. “But the thing is, you suggested training. Naruto doesn’t think training works.”

    “He doesn’t,” I said with a frown. “Why is that?”

    “Because he never really saw you train,” Ayame pointed out. “He said that the only thing you’d ever do when you got home from the Academy was curl up with a book.”

    ...oh crap.

    “Is that true?” Ayame asked.

    “It’s true,” I answered. “I never really needed to train, I just understand things and can put them into practice.”

    “Well, he thinks that if you don’t have to train, he doesn’t have to train,” Ayame explained. “And you telling him he needs to train rubs him the wrong way. He thinks you have some super special secret that lets you just get it right away.”

    “I mean, I do,” I said with a shrug. “It’s my Kekkei Genkai. But Naruto doesn’t have my Kekkei Genkai.”

    Well, I can’t just go saying I’m a video game character, the people in the Elemental Nations don’t even have a context for what that is. But me having a Kekkei Genkai has to be on record now.

    “Then you need to tell him that as soon as you can,” Ayame said. “Because aside from being unable to cast the Duplication Jutsu, he passes all the other parts of his test.”

    ...him becoming a Genin while thinking he doesn’t need to train would be a really bad thing. Impossibly bad. Isn’t Naruto supposed to be the Champion of Hard Work? I mean, he does have the Kyuubi inside him to provide him with endless endurance, great genetics by being the Son of the Fourth Hokage and...probably some other stuff that I don’t know yet.

    Okay, all of his talk in canon about hard work was nonsense, but at least his heart was in the right place. Unlike here, where he had me to show just how unnecessary hard work was if you’ve got the right tools in your corner.

    “Yeah, I’ll take care of that next time I see him,” I said with a nod. “I haven’t seen him since that talk, though.”

    “He comes here pretty often.” Ayame looked around and, unfortunately, an orange-jump suited blonde did not magically appear like he was summoned. “Usually after the Academy lets out for the day.”

    “Oh, I’m late,” I replied.

    “He’ll be here tomorrow,” Ayame replied with a nod.

    I finished my bowl in a single, large slurp. “Thanks, Ayame-san. You’ve been a big help.”

    “You’re welcome,” Ayame said with a smile. “Any time.”

    I stood up to leave.

    “And Daisuke?” Ayame said. Turned and she had an odd smile. “Thank you. Not many people really ask about me.”

    “Well, they’re missing out.”

    Charisma Check Success: 6/6.

    She’s been wanting to get that stuff about her mother off her chest for a while.
    * * *​

    “Daisuke?” Hisako asked, rubbing her eyes. “Is that you?”

    We had met in front of Training Ground 3, the sun having barely finished rising up over the horizon. It was early and I found the cool breeze of the forest really extremely refreshing. Hisako, to her credit, didn’t even look tired.

    “Yeah,” I said with a nod, glad my teammate at least recognized me on sight. “I increased the strength of my henge.”

    “Your henge?” Hisako got confused for a second. Then her face lit up in understanding. “Oh, right. I forgot you wore that thing.”

    “That’s a good thing. Still,” I began, giving her a thumbs up. “You like it?”

    “I do,” Hisako replied with a smile. “You look good. Really blue, though.”

    Before I could answer, she got this odd startled expression on her face. “The blue’s good, though! It looks good. I like it.”

    Charisma Check Failure: 6/7.

    That’s really annoying.

    “I do too,” I replied, trying to keep the irritation at my failed check from seeping into my voice. “But it is way too blue. I’m thinking of getting more stuff to add onto it just to break it up.”

    “You don’t have too,” Hisako said hurriedly. “I was just saying, it’s a lot of blue. But it looks really good.”

    “And I was just saying, I need to break it up,” I said with a frown, looking at the sandals which were a brighter shade of blue and clashed horribly with my outfit. “It doesn’t look the way I want it to.”

    “Well okay,” Hisako was nodding rapidly. “As long as you want to, that’s good.”

    “Wait, Daisuke?” That was Nichiren showing up, just a minute late. He, on the other hand, looked tired, with light bags under his eyes. “That is you, wow! You look different.”

    “He increased the strength of his henge,” Hisako immediately said.

    “Increased the strength of what?” Nichiren asked. A yawn overcame him and he raised the back of his hand to cover his mouth.

    “My henge,” I replied with a frown. “I wear a henge to cover up looking like a statue.”

    “Wait, really?” Nichiren asked. “I had no idea. I mean, wait...yeah I did. But I forgot.”

    “I consider that a good thing,” I said, deadpan. “How long do you think Kakashi-sensei is going to be late by this time?”

    “That’s very disrespectful, Daisuke,” Hisako said, folding her arms.

    “Yeah. But seriously, how long?”

    “We’ve got two hours at least.”

    “Money’s on five,” Nichiren countered, yawning again. “He seemed kind of depressed before he took off.”

    “How can you tell?” I asked with bewilderment.

    “You can see it in his eye,” Nichiren replied. “It seemed kind of glazed over and it was half closed, looking down. That means he’ll be a while.”

    “Do we even know why he’s late all the time?” Hisako asked. “I don’t care how much he insists, getting lost on the road of life does not mean being five hours late to a meeting. We’ve got things to do!”

    He went to the memorial stone all the time and was late because of it. The death of his team really hit him hard. I wonder if there was a way to undo that, actually. I mean, chakra can pretty much do anything and I remember people being pissed because the end of a Shippuden arc involved a mass resurrection.

    I had no details though, I was watching it from the outside as someone who couldn’t get into Shippuden. I only watched the first season of the English dub. Thankfully, I kept my English skills sharp by writing all of my notes down in my old, forgotten language.

    Also made decrypting my notes a nightmare for anyone who manages to get a hold of them.

    Hisako groaned in irritation. “Do either of you have a way to pass the time?”

    “You bring any poetry?” I asked. I had been curious ever since Kakashi-sensei had squeezed that little secret out of her.

    Hisako immediately went pink. “What? No, no, no. Nope, uh-uh. It’s not even that good, why would I bring any?”

    “I just curious,” I replied with a shrug. “I never got into poetry myself, so I was wondering if you’d share.”

    “Nope,” Hisako shook her head. “Sorry, not sharing. It’s just something dumb I do while I’m waiting at home. I’m not even all that passionate about it.”

    She really is down on her poetry. “Well, I’d still like to hear you read it.”

    “Never.”

    I blinked. “Okay.”

    As confusing as it was, I understood. You write something or you work on something for a long time, put your heart and soul into something and then you deliver it to something, someone that you care about and the idea that they hate it? It’s easier to give it to the ghosts on the internet that know nothing about you and will never know. Then it’s just message in a bottle drifting in an ocean of messages in bottles.

    “What kind of poetry do you write?” Nichiren asked.

    “Listen, Nichiren,” Hisako began with a glare. “My poems are not that good. Stop asking for them!”

    “Oh, haiku,” I identified with a nod.

    “That was on the spot too,” Nichiren said with a happy smile. “Impressive!”

    “It’s not a Haiku!” Hisako snapped.

    “The morae was on point, though,” Nichiren responded with a frown.

    “Getting Nichiren to stop and your claim of your poems lack of quality make up the Kiru,” I added, thinking more on it. “Only thing missing is the Kigo.”

    She glared at both of us sputtering to get more words out, only to sit down and bring her knees up to her chest with a loud, embarrassed groan.

    Nichiren and I kind of just kept going; teasing her was turning out to be kind of fun.

    “Well, actually, getting to stop asking for her poems is like trying to – I don’t know,” Nichiren gave up with a shrug. “I forgot where I was going with that.”

    I was hopeless there too.

    Charisma Check Failure: 6/7.

    Shut up, game.

    Hisako groaned and hid her face in her knees. Then she looked up. “You don’t need a Kigo to make a Haiku anymore.”

    “Oh, so it was a Haiku,” I replied with a nod.

    Hisako took a breath. “Yes, you were correct. My poetry is private, so please just stop it.”

    Now she has to be doing it on purpose. But I can take a hint, even if it annoys me.

    “Hey, another one!” Nichiren said with a grin.

    Hisako face-palmed.

    “Sorry,” Nichiren said sheepishly.

    After that, we kind of just fell into silence. Nichiren and I were smart, bringing books to read. Nichiren brought a battlefield tactics manual, which his eyes were glued too. I brought a cookbook. Because if I had to eat to restore my HP, I was going to make something delicious to take away from the pain of being injured.

    I think dango were going to be my favorite dessert; they reminded me of doughnut holes. On a stick!



    On a steek.

    I chuckled at my little private reference. That jalapeno was funny.

    As the sun rose higher and higher into the sky, Kakashi still had not shown. I had just gotten through this incredible recipe for Duck. I haven’t actually had duck yet, most of my bird experience was with Chicken. The fried kind. From Kentucky.

    I understand it’s good though!

    Eventually, though, my food-related musings came to an end as Kakashi finally showed up.

    “Sorry I’m late, my cute little Genin,” Kakashi said, pointing to the road behind him. “Someone turned the map in my apartment upside down so I was walking the wrong way for most of the morning.”

    “Was most of that time spent finding the guy who broke into your apartment?” I asked, standing up and putting my cookbook into the storage scrolls.

    “Sensei, we know you’re always going to be late,” Hisako grumbled. “It’s okay, just please just stop trying to give us dumb excuses.”

    “But I’m-” Kakashi’s eye turned very sharp, looking me up and down as I walked up. “Daisuke? You look different.”

    “Yeah, I increased the power of my henge,” I said automatically.

    “You mean you put together a more natural disguise,” Kakashi replied.

    “Yeah, that’s what I meant,” I said with a nod.

    “Well, it looks good,” He said with an eye-smile. “Now, I’ve got a mission for us today. Another D-rank, but this time, we’re cleaning a house.”

    “Oh, I thought we had already covered all the household chores with our D-ranks,” Hisako said with a frown. “Guess I forgot one.”

    “Who are we cleaning it for?” Nichiren asked.

    “That’s a great question, Nichiren-kun,” Kakashi eye-smiled. “There’s a wealthy business man who lived in Konoha, he’s moved out and is selling his mansion. But before he starts showing it to potential buyers, he wants it cleaned spotlessly.”

    “A mansion,” I asked with a small, wistful smile. “I wonder if I could buy it…”

    “I mean, you could,” Kakashi began with an eye-smile, rubbing the top of my head. “We’ve done enough D-ranks by now, right?”

    Not even close. “Right, it was a dumb question. So are we following you?”

    “Yes you are,” Kakashi said. “We might be there a while, though, so I hope you brought lunch. It’s a big house.”

    “I brought snacks,” Nichiren said, unzipping his fanny-pack and withdrawing a large pack of protein bars. “We’ll be fine.”

    “Nice,” Hisako said, standing up. “Let’s get this done quick.”

    “Another day, another mission,” I said with a smile.

    Quest Added: Nevermore.

    Follow Kakashi to the house.

    ...wait.

    That’s not a procedurally generated, random D-rank quest.

    That is an actual quest. A quest with a story, characters and more importantly, enemies. As in, this D-rank which we have right here is going to be our first actual combat encounter. At least it’s going to be really, really likely.

    And that title is really ominous.

    I thought this was supposed to be Naruto; things aren’t supposed to go off the rails until C-rank missions, not D! This is madness! This is insanity! Hisako and Nichiren aren’t ready for a real fight and in Konoha’s own walls?

    “Daisuke are you okay?” Kakashi asked, his eye growing narrow.

    “Uh…” I froze. How exactly do I explain that I just got a quest update that told me that this mission is going to be much harder than advertised. “I’ve...just got a really bad feeling about this mission.”

    Speech Check Failure: 34/45.

    Ah crap.

    Kakashi actually looked kind of perturbed. “It’s just a house. Are you afraid of abandoned mansions or something?”

    “No,” I said with a frown. “Just...I don’t know, just forget it.”

    Kakashi glared down at me for half a second, then shrugged. “Alright. Just follow me.”

    Hisako looked at me oddly and muttered. “What’s wrong?”

    “Nothing, I think we’ll be fine,” I said, trying to force a smile. “Just a flash of nerves is all.”

    Charisma Check Success: 6/6.

    “Well, don’t worry,” Hisako said kindly. “We’ll be there the whole time. Promise.”

    “Yeah,” Nichiren nodded quickly. “Besides, we’ve got Copy-Wheel Kakashi with us and we’re in the middle of Konoha.”

    He’s right, it can’t be that bad.

    “What could possibly go wrong?”

    NICHIREN YOU FOOL!
    * * *
    Name: Shimoda Daisuke

    HP: 225
    Chakra: 85.

    Strength: 4.
    Perception: 5.
    Endurance: 5.
    Charisma: 6(+5).
    Intelligence: 10.
    Agility: 5.
    Luck: 10.

    Taijutsu: 80
    Melee Weapons:
    15
    Ranged Weapons: 29
    Genjutsu: 29
    Ninjutsu: 29
    Speech: 34 (+10)
    Pick Lock: 17
    Fuinjutsu: 30
    Medicine: 27
    Survival: 33
    Chakra Control: 92.

    Perks:
    Taijutsu Enthusiast.
    Comprehension.
    Educated.​

    * * *​

    Author’s Note: Chapter 4. I’m noticing that this is way more compressed than the first draft. I like it, less meandering around and I can just get into the nitty-gritty. I hope you all don’t mind the brief detour I took with Ayame’s mother, I wanted to show off how Daisuke’s increased Charisma benefited him and help explain just how contrived the first drafts set-up with the Charisma was.

    Another thing I noted was I was able to show off more of Hisako’s added depth. In the first draft, I didn’t even mention Hisako’s love of poetry until the second act, here its a part of her character from the get-go. I hope that’s not intrusive, I just think it adds a nice touch to have the Sasuke of the group to have such a lyrical hobby, while also letting it be subtle enough to actually fit such an archetype.

    Shout out goes out too Melden V, Anders Kronquist, Ray Tony Song, Volkogluk, Aaron Bjornson, iolande, Martin Auguado, Julio, Hackerham, Tim Collins-Squire, Maben00, Ventari, PbookR, Seij, ChristobalAlvarez, Apperatus, EPiCJB19, Seeking Raven, Handwran, Russel Beatrous and Richard Whereat. Your unwavering support makes this possible.

    Until the next time!

    ~Fulcon

     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2021
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  10. Kolarthecool

    Kolarthecool From dusk till dawn

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    Man, if there's one thing I love about this story being back, it's got the be the near-daily updates of 5k+ words. Always nice to see just when I'm running low on things to read.
     
  11. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    This is what happens when you prep a bunch of chapters ahead of time. Initially, I wasn't going to post until ALL OF ACT 1 was done...but I just couldn't take it. D:
     
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  12. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    I'd love to see more interactions with Naruto, the relationship they had in the first story was really heartwarming, even if he's supposed to be the unseen rival in this one.

    I do also hope Naruto gets over the no-training thing. Hadn't it been three years between Naruto failing the first test, asking for help, being told to train, and then Shimoda telling Ayame? Seems like a huge gap.

    EDIT: Still, this chapter felt nice. I like how he dealt with Ayame, and that he's got 6 Charisma. I wonder how that'll effect his growth, and talking to Naruto.
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2020
  13. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    I guess it has.

    See, this is what happens when an anti-social person is actually allowed to lock themselves away in a library with no reason to leave - their friendships start to atrophy.

    I'll fix that after this upcoming arc.
     
  14. divoratore1

    divoratore1 Not too sore, are you?

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    Found a few errors.

    Cut off, it seems. First chapter.

    Should be "irrelevant", I think. First chapter.

    I believe that should be "They're informative". Second chapter.

    Should be "going along", I believe. Third chapter.

    Should be "confident". Third chapter.


    I do believe that's generally a good thing, too - going from draft to novel often means cutting down on stuff, and doing so often shows the author has a better idea of what is story they want to write, the themes and concepts at the heart of it, what's important to show and what's frivolous, and so on.
    The rewrite does seem to be improving on the story, so I'm glad about that! The first draft was already good, it certainly was entertaining, and so far you seem to have improved upon it, so it'll be interesting to see how you continue doing so.
     
  15. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    All fixed, thank you. Have a cookie.

    I'm seeing that more and more. It's interesting.

    Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it. :)
     
  16. Darkarma

    Darkarma Loli Ōtsutsuki

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    The mansion returns along genjutsu based fuuinjutsu and giant raven monster if memory serves.
     
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  17. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    I made some changes but essentially yes. I talk more about what those changes were and why I made them in the next chapter.
     
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  18. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    I wonder how long it's going to be before he starts being open with his hunches, and they start trusting him. Do we go the xenoblade chronicles route, and have it happen almost immediately after the first prediction is proven completely accurate, or give it a few times?

    Also, Hisako having adorable bashful moments is another excellent step. Her hyperfocus on work from the original was really kinda alienating. Wait shit.... All the characters have higher CHA this time. Think about it. Most of the big changes involve either making some of the worst behavior simply not happen, and to add humanizing elements.

    Side effects of increased cha bonus from the start, and general desire to change the work as a whole, or secret long-shot big-brain twist prediction? Eh, probably the first, but I reserve the right to keep that in my back pocket. If nothing else it will meme well.
     
  19. Kalaong

    Kalaong Not too sore, are you?

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    I really liked that chapter in the first? Second version? Whatever it was. I mean the one that showed that Daisuke just loved doing missions. Especially in light of this;
    I wonder what everyone thinks of this; he used to be a non-physical bookworm with an unprecedented amount of physical strength, and now he's running around doing chores like scrubbing floors and pulling weeds was like a date with Rosie Palms.
     
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  20. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    "You all mean to tell me there are sources of power that aren't books, ingenuity, and testing your skills in fights? WHERE!? I must train as efficiently as possible!"

    He then, of course, begins racing Gai around the village on his hands while balancing a terrified Nichiren on his feet.
     
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  21. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    First version. I didn't start rewriting until chapter 44.

    Yeah. In that one, Daisuke was also beginning his obsession toward Almost Perfect. With that gone and having separated himself from toxic people in the Academy much earlier, his neuroticism was toned down a great deal. Still there, just muted.

    That's a fantastic question. Have a cookie.

    I haven't really touched on non-Daisuke POV's yet, have I? I mean, beyond that small interlude in the last chapter.

    I do plan on having a Hokage chapter once the House is done.

    *claps*

    Good. Meme.

    Have a cookie. :)
     
  22. rainfallMyth

    rainfallMyth Know what you're doing yet?

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    I'm rooting for hisako and you can't stop me :D
     
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  23. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Go ahead!

    *ahem*

    Now, this was my last upload for the week. Next week, I'll have more for you. I just finished chapter 6 now, as a matter of fact.

    I had a few discussion prompts ready to go, but then I realized I wanted to give them to you guys after the House arc. But until then, I'll just give the floor to you guys.

    Omakes, essays, discussion, go ahead and do it.
     
  24. l---erddad---l

    l---erddad---l Wait, google can see this?

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    How do you define week? Do you believe the week starts on Saturday, Sunday, or Monday?
     
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  25. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Updates start coming again on Monday.
     
  26. Warer

    Warer Shadowstep12 Sleep fucking is impoilte

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    Hell day
     
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  27. Shota

    Shota Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

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    Good works man. I like the first version, but i like this one more. Maybe because the first one just feel not human enough, anyway keep up the good works.
     
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  28. MadMarx420

    MadMarx420 Not too sore, are you?

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    I'm glad this is being rewritten honestly. While I enjoyed reading it, a lot of the later chapters bored me and got into a direction that I didn't really like. This however is pretty good, a lot better than the original chapters. Hope we don't really get into that harem nonsese and god stuff that the original fic eventually got into.

    Seeing all the charisma, speech checks and all made me realise how much I would hate it if I was reborn like this, I'm glad Daisuke is making an effort to improve his life and trying to use the system to its fullest. I wonder, how will you handle people learning about this? I mean wearing clothes that make you look better, having your life function more like a game than a reality and all the other stuff is probably going to put Daisuke on the radar. I doubt simply going "ye it's my bloodline" will be sufficient.

    Also if you don't mind saying, how much divergence can we expect? Is it still going to follow the original but with minor changes or can we eventually expect major diveregence in the story?
     
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  29. asdo

    asdo Experienced.

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    I support ayame ship XD
     
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  30. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Some. Not entirely sure. I do think we can kiss Daisuke's leaving Konoha goodbye but other than that?

    *shrugs*

    I want to write that harem nonsense, so we're going there.
     
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