1. Due to issues with external spam filters, QQ is currently unable to send any mail to Microsoft E-mail addresses. This includes any account at live.com, hotmail.com or msn.com. Signing up to the forum with one of these addresses will result in your verification E-mail never arriving. For best results, please use a different E-mail provider for your QQ address.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. For prospective new members, a word of warning: don't use common names like Dennis, Simon, or Kenny if you decide to create an account. Spammers have used them all before you and gotten those names flagged in the anti-spam databases. Your account registration will be rejected because of it.
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Since it has happened MULTIPLE times now, I want to be very clear about this. You do not get to abandon an account and create a new one. You do not get to pass an account to someone else and create a new one. If you do so anyway, you will be banned for creating sockpuppets.
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If you wish to change your username, please ask via conversation to tehelgee instead of asking via my profile. I'd like to not clutter it up with such requests.
    Dismiss Notice
  5. Due to the actions of particularly persistent spammers and trolls, we will be banning disposable email addresses from today onward.
    Dismiss Notice
  6. A note about the current Ukraine situation: Discussion of it is still prohibited as per Rule 8
    Dismiss Notice
  7. The rules regarding NSFW links have been updated. See here for details.
    Dismiss Notice
  8. The testbed for the QQ XF2 transition is now publicly available. Please see more information here.
    Dismiss Notice

SHINOBI: The RPG - New Game

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Fulcon, Jun 17, 2020.

Loading...
  1. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,006
    When talking about the Chidori in particular, true.

    When regarding his other thousand techniques, that's what Daisuke is talking about.

    Still, I'm glad you seem to have liked the chapter. :)
     
    GamingPizza1998 likes this.
  2. Chara Dreemurr

    Chara Dreemurr Determined to find LOVE

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2018
    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    1,917
    I am more talking about the nature of the situation. Most ninja techniques are not actually subtle. Nor true stealth ninja. They can be very stealthy but when they encounter an opponent of such strength or a situation where they are already revealed. They abandon stealth in favour of raw combat power in whatever form they specialise in. So calling out an attacks name in such an often occurring situation is hardly a downside. If you want to hide technique names, a gamer power could surely get away with it without any drawbacks. But for common ninja? They will take any advantage they can, if that is saying the attacks name to focus it a little bit more? Hardly a downside at all.

    Also, for the most part, it seems like the calling out of the attacks name has little actual impact on how the fight goes. I can't remember a moment in the manga or anime where it actually changed anything. That was more my point. this was just for clarification.

    All the same, lovely story and I look forwards to the next chapter.
     
    zarion and Fulcon like this.
  3. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,006
    I think Dreaming of Sunshine actually put something very similar as a defense to calling out technique names. I'm more of the school that 'giving the enemy any notice at all is too much' and thus, so is Daisuke. That said, most of the Ninja world disagrees with him and thus, they will continue to spout out Jutsu names without much in the way of advantage being thrown around. It's the same as calling 'frag out' in a realistic combat scenario to let your squad know there's a grenade going down.

    True; I doubt calling your attacks would affect that much if the author is a fan of the trope. Which isn't a bad thing, it's certainly a striking and bold literary style and has it's basis in reality.

    Thank you, have a cookie.
     
    Darko and Chara Dreemurr like this.
  4. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    For a much better example of how to abuse technique calling for fun and prophet. I present the Naruto strategy. Named such, because only Naruto can really get the intended effect.

    Step one: As many clones as possible. Naturally.

    Step two: Transform no ears so that they don't distract each other.

    Step three: Half the clones fight using actual jutsu complete with handsigns and name callouts for focus. The other half uses taijutsu or tricks like the rasengan that never needed handsigns or callouts. Why is this important?

    Step four: The ones who aren't using their own voices constantly scream. Constantly. I'm not kidding. Second mouth to do the breathing in. Varying pitches, varying but high volumes, varying content from actual words to any random noise that came to mind. Bonus points if he finds a voice amplification jutsu and can pull it without a hitch.

    I want you all to think for a minute what that would be like to fight against, then I want you to start crying.
     
    NightmareWarden, Seij and Fulcon like this.
  5. High Lord Rokland

    High Lord Rokland Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    May 9, 2019
    Messages:
    255
    Likes Received:
    3,344
    Did he just get the go ahead to loot like a PC? He is gonna be looting his enemies before they even hit the ground!
     
    Seij and Fulcon like this.
  6. Chara Dreemurr

    Chara Dreemurr Determined to find LOVE

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2018
    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    1,917
    *Nom*
     
    Fulcon likes this.
  7. Threadmarks: Chapter 6: Nevermore - Audio Diaries
    Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,006
    The Following is a fan based work of fiction: Naruto and Naruto: Shippuden are owned by Shueisha, Viz Entertainment and Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the official release.

    * * *
    We checked both the other doors. One was a closet with nothing in it and the last door was a staircase, going downward, the curved in a spiral. The fact that there was enough room for a large spiral stair case unnerved me. How deep does it go?

    Going to be honest, if this isn’t a Genjutsu, and it isn’t, we’ve all done Kai several times now, then it means that the house itself is rearranging it’s insides and everything we’ve seen is stuff that already existed. Existed where? Going to say down in the foundation of the house, just floating in the concrete or whatever.

    Didn’t the butler guy say he wasn’t supposed to come back? Pretty sure that him leaving was the trigger for the house to rearrange itself. Did the butler know? I’m going to guess not. Because if he did know, he’d have to have a reason to not tell us and there’s no way he knew which team was going to pick this mission. So it’s not like it was a trap or something for me.

    Actually, that’s kind of scary to think about. If someone that wasn’t our team picked this mission, they’d be walking straight into this without even the game context to prepare them.

    “Hisako, take up the rear,” Kakashi ordered. “Nichiren and Daisuke, form up between her and I.”

    We did so with an acknowledgment of his order.

    Actually, the house didn’t rearrange itself until after we all got in the attic. But why was that? Was it because because everyone was in the attic? But that would make more sense if it was a game trigger instead of it being something that someone deliberately made to serve a purpose in the game world.

    I think.

    The staircase seemed to go down forever. It reminded me of that one staircase in The Sands of Time that was stupidly long just so you could listen to the amazing guitar solo they had prepared. I remembered that level being cool once. Then on replay it was just long and boring.

    Though in real life, I’ll take long and boring over dangerous and terrifying any day.

    You think if my teammates and I shared some banter, it would make this easier? Maybe it would. But it didn’t seem like any of us had anything to say. We were keeping our corners checked and our rears covered and that absorbed all our mental capacity.

    Or in my case, it overwhelmed me and I kind of checked out.

    Focus, Daisuke.

    Don’t get taken by surprise, your teammates are counting on you.

    Eventually, we came to a door. Kakashi pulled it open and looked around inside. “Clear. Everyone inside.”

    We did.

    This was a library. A giant, circular room with shelves going all the way up. I guess I can see why the staircase was so tall, it was only as tall as the library itself. The shelves were filled with books and scrolls, enough that my eyes wanted to cry at the sheer beauty. This was a repository of knowledge. I love knowledge.

    “WHOA!” Hisako shreiked, pulling me out of my observations.

    I found myself looking down and caught sight of the cement monster that had decided to grace us with it’s presence. It was shambling after, slowly dragging it’s feet, leaving a trail of mud with each step.

    Kakashi-sensei was using lightning to take these things out permanently. I should be able to manufacture a similar jutsu. Right?

    You do not know that jutsu.

    Oh come on, it’s an emergency!

    You do not know that jutsu.

    Crap...would an explosive note work?

    I mean, I haven’t written any yet and I don’t have chakra seals…

    A lightning bolt shot out from Kakashi-sensei’s extended fingers and it exploded into inert cement. He went through the jutsu again, and fired at a second cement beast That had emerged behind us.

    We had grouped up, looking around. I noticed that Kakashi’s breathing was starting to sound ragged.

    Medicine Check Success: 27/25.

    It was the Sharingan. He was using it to analyze our environment to figure a way out and it was starting to drain him.

    There were no more cement monsters.

    “That’s it?” Hisako asked with a suspicious frown.

    “Let’s not question it,” Kakashi admonished. “We need to keep moving.”

    “Uh, sensei?” I started. “I think maybe we should take a brief rest.”

    “Daisuke-kun, we don’t have time for that,” Kakashi replied. “We need to keep moving if we’re going to get out of here.”

    “But you’re the only one with a reliable way of taking those things out,” I rebutted. “And you having the Sharingan eye out is draining you fast. We need rest or you’re going to be dragging your feet by the end, and I don’t want to think about what else we might have to face without you being able to fight it.”

    Speech Check Success: 34/30.

    Kakashi took a gulp of air and sighed. “Alright. Five minutes. But then we need to move.”

    “Great,” I said with relief. Not only would he get a chance to catch his breath, I’d be able to peruse the library for a minute. Actually, wait. I’ve got a better idea. “Sensei, can you try teaching us a lightning jutsu? Just so you wouldn’t be the only one who can depose of those cement monsters?”

    Kakashi blinked as he covered his Sharingan. “Sure. But it’s going to be really simple and if you get it right in the time we have to rest, I’ll treat you to lunch.”

    “Awesome!” Hisako said, getting on her knees in preparation to learn.

    Nichiren followed suit and...then so did I.

    “This is called the Lightning Kunai,” Kakashi said, starting the instruction. He showed us the handsigns. Bird. Rat. Dragon. “I obtained it from a Genin from Kumo. It fires a small blast of lightning directly ahead.”

    He told us how to redirect the chakra to make the jutsu, and then shape it to come out of our fingers.

    Chakra Control Check Success: 92/25.

    Ninjutsu Check Success:29/25.

    Jutsu Added: Lightning Kunai!

    There's nothing like holding a fist full of lightning! You now know how to use the Lightning Kunai.

    The jutsu reminded me of Star Wars. Specifically, Attack of the Clones. You know how clones blasters show little blue bolts of laser or whatever it was at its target? Yeah, that’s what this is doing. Except it was a bit more bright white instead of blue, but you get the picture. It fired a blaster bolt for three hand signs.

    Come to think of it, I could use this jutsu as the basis for a blaster. Wasn’t there even a lightsaber in this universe? Yeah, the Sword of the Thunder God. So there’s even precedent for it.

    But I pulled the jutsu off the first try.

    “Okay,” Kakashi said with a nod that seemed like it was part surprise part satisfaction. “Daisuke earned everyone lunch. So we’re going to be relying on you to help fight them off.”

    “Okay then,” Hisako blinked and frowned, going through the hand signs. She threw her fingers forward, causing only a minor electrical spark to flash out of her fingers. With a wince of pain, she withdrew those fingers back. “Ow!”

    Nichiren tried the jutsu, and wound up holding his hand with a pained look in his face. He did not, however, cry out...though I could see that he really wanted too. The tear coming out of his eye said it all.

    Charisma Check Success: 6/2.

    Yes, I know, game.

    “That’s enough,” Kakashi held his hands up to stop the other two from trying again. “I don’t want your hands to be put out of commission.”

    “It’s not like we’re using them for much right now, anyway,” Hisako grumbled, folding her arms and glaring off to the side.

    You know, speaking of hands, I’m kind of annoyed I didn’t get to test Tsunade’s megaton punch out. Well, I did, but I choked at my only opportunity. Something told me that once I had splattered the cement monsters all over the wall, they’d just slowly reform and start coming after me. The only reason they stayed dead after getting hit with a Lightning Jutsu was because lightning counters Earth.

    Still, if we’re just taking a breather, I was going to look around the library.

    “Alright, I’m rested up,” Kakashi said, standing and looking a little bit more rested than last time.

    “But it hasn’t been five minutes yet,” I said, utterly baffled. I didn’t even get to see if there were any cool books here yet!

    “Doesn’t matter,” Kakashi said, noticeably leaving the Sharingan covered. “We can’t sit still for very long.”

    Fine, he has a point.

    “Hey, wait. What’s that?” Nichiren said, pointing to one of the shelves.

    Kakashi zipped over to where Nichiren was pointing and picked up a cassette tape.

    Neat!

    “Hey, we can use the tape player,” I said with a grin. “Might tell us a bit more about our situation here.”

    Kakashi stopped, then stood up straight. “Alright, we'll sit and listen. It’s important to gather information when you’re on a mission, especially when you’re in a foreign country or otherwise incredibly dangerous situation.”

    “Like when you’re in a house that spits monsters out of its walls,” Nichiren surmised with a slow nod.

    “When we get out, the Hokage is going to level this place to the ground,” Kakashi assured us.

    “Which is really a shame because I’d really like to get a look at the seal work on the walls,” I said, taking the tape player out and opening it.

    “Some things just aren’t worth the hassle, Daisuke,” Kakashi replied, sliding the tape into the player. “Always try to keep things to a good risk-reward ratio. If you don’t, you’ll wind up with a hollow victory at best.”

    A Pyrrhic Victory.

    Kakashi pressed play and the tape started.

    The microphone being used to record the tape was obviously either low quality or damaged in some way; it had a static-sounding underlay to the audio that was audible right from the start.

    “Preparations have been made.” The voice on the tape was clearly male. Older. He sounded very tired and weary. “Susumu has been told to leave the house and not return. It would not do for him to get tied into this.”

    Who? Is that the butler?

    Interesting that the butler got exonerated in the first tape we collected.

    “Once he leaves, the cage will be locked,” The voice said. “Never again will the Avian be allowed to roam free.”

    It was at this moment, is sounded like something hit the desk the microphone was sitting on, and the voice was grunting and groaning in pain.

    “It knows something is wrong,” The voice gasped. “This accursed bird is clawing at the walls, trying to get free...but I must not let it go. It must not get out.”

    This reminds me of something, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

    “Shimura-san and his minions have been invaluable in creating the cage, even if they will never truly know the extent of the cage’s creation.” He chuckled, then laughed a little too long, causing the sound to trail off into a wheeze. “They have no idea what I’ve built here in the center of Konoha, and it is just as well. So long as the boy in blue never enters the attic, the secrets of this house will never see the light of day.”

    The boy in what now?

    I literally got this jumpsuit yesterday.

    My entire team turned to look at me immediately with varying expressions of alarm.

    I held up my finger and pointed to the tape player, just so I could figure out what I was going to say in response to this.

    “And if he does, well,” He took a deep breath. “I hope he brought friends.”

    With that, the tape ended.

    “I bought this jumpsuit yesterday,” I said quickly. “And I never met whoever was speaking before in my life.”

    “Daisuke, calm down,” Kakashi admonished, putting a hand on my shoulder. “I believe you. But that doesn’t explain why you’re the reason the house decided to become a labyrinth on us.”

    “I don’t have an explanation for you,” I immediately interjected.

    Well, not an in game explanation and this was supposed to be a simulator. Things weren’t supposed to happen simply because I exist. Like this whole thing just doesn’t make any sense.

    “Okay, okay,” Kakashi-sensei said. “Again, I believe you. You don’t have anything to worry about. We’re going to get out of this and then the Hokage is going to get to the bottom of it all. Don’t worry.”

    “You sure the Hokage’s not going to lock me up in T&I?” I asked him with the deepest frown.

    Kakashi blinked, and rubbed his eye. “Look, you can trust the Hokage and you can trust ANBU. Whatever insane stories you heard in the Academy about people being locked up in T&I for the most asinine of things are just that; stories. He won’t lock you up in T&I. Period.”

    Charisma Check Success: 6/4.

    I believed him, which made me feel a little better. But only a little.

    “The real question is why Daisuke would be the trigger,” Nichiren said, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “If he wanted to keep all of this,” he started gesturing to the room at large. “...secret, then why not disable the trigger entirely?”

    “And why kill Daisuke?” Hisako asked incredulously. “Like...Daisuke? He’s the nicest guy ever! What did he ever do to deserve this?”

    “Well, I try,” I said, going red in the face.

    “They’re not going to kill you,” Hisako said with a viscous glare if I ever saw one. “Promise. We’ll get out of this, just like Kakashi-sensei said.”

    “Let’s move on,” Kakashi ordered. “Daisuke, stow the tape and player in a storage scroll.”

    “Got it,” I did so and we moved on.

    There was another door and we went through it. Through it was a hallway, stretching out with a fork going to the left.

    “We’ll check the side path first,” Kakashi said, slowly leading us forward. “Daisuke, take up the rear and try to take out the cement hostiles before they attack us.”

    “Got it.”

    I walked backwards part of the way, keeping an eye on our tail and looking forward only when it was time to turn. Right at that second, I saw a cement monster drip out from the ceiling with a plop before solidifying in a vaguely humanoid shape.

    Lightning Kunai!

    Three seals and the bolt shot forward, faster than any kunai I’ve ever seen before. The monster immediately recoiled as it hit the shoulder, the arm breaking off. But then it started forward again.

    Lightning Kunai!

    4,100 / 15,000 EXP.

    On the one hand killing those things gives me EXP where’s the rest of them I need to kill them all CEMENT MONSTER GENOCIDE RUN!

    Ahem.

    The second part...was that felt awful.

    Not the committing murder part, but the fact that I had to go through three hand signs to cast a single blaster bolt. It goes fast, sure, but it’s just one and with how fast Shinobi can go, a scatter-gun strat with Shuriken would be way more effective; or for Kunai, using explosive notes.

    Unless your aim was just that good. And I guess mine could...but still. Three hand signs? No. I’m not using this thing in the future unless I can figure out a way to optimize it. Like create some weapon similar to the Sword of the Thunder God. Which I’ll be able to do...so let’s keep this in my tool belt for now.

    “Good shooting, Daisuke,” Kakashi said with approval.

    “Thanks,” I replied, walking along with them.

    But I think I just hate casting jutsu in the middle of combat in general. You have to stop what you’re doing, go through a bunch of hand signs and then cast some spell you think is going to turn the fight around; why go through the trouble when you can just walk up to them and hit them? I mean, sure, I’m speaking as someone who theoretically can splat someone across an entire room with one punch, so maybe I’m biased here, but...casting Jutsu in the middle of combat just doesn’t feel fluid.

    It goes against my style of play.

    At least it does until I have Sealless Jutsu at level 40. Then I can literally do whatever I want with Chakra.

    At the door, we took positions around it. I was next to the door where it opened to have a clear shot at anything we saw inside while Hisako and Nichiren were placed such that they could be covered by the door itself if anything came out.

    I prepped a Lightning Kunai, feeling the electrical chakra pool together in the tips of my fingers, which I kept close like I was using a pistol.

    We all nodded to each other and Kakashi threw open the door.

    We came to an auditorium, seats built on a ramp going up that overlooked a large pit separated from us by a wall of completely transparent windows. On the seats were Cement monsters that I desperately needed to find a different name for.

    Wally?

    Because they come out of the wall?

    Yeah, I’m calling them wallies. The name amuses me.

    There were four wallies in the auditorium, all sitting in seats. I took a shot, then a second causing one to be blasted forward across the seats ahead of it in massive clumps of dust.

    4,200 / 15,000 EXP.

    I turned to try to take out more, but Kakashi-sensei had already taken them out.

    Fie! Fie on you, overpowered companion! Stealing my kills!

    I’m not that mad about it since there is obviously enough EXP to bring me to max level and then some but...still. It’s really annoying, I haven’t had the ability to really gain EXP without completing quests in a while.

    “What’s down there?” Nichiren asked, pointing toward the pit.

    I flickered my way over there to look down. It was an operating theater, with a gurney, spotlights and lots of various tools hanging down from the ceiling. No wallies, but there was a tape down there.

    “There’s another tape down there,” I said, pointing down.

    “Okay, but how are we going to get it?” Hisako asked, cupping her hands on the glass like a pair of binoculars and looking down at them.

    “Let me try something,” I said, winding a punch up.

    Hisako apparently figured out what I was going to do and leaped backward quickly.

    I let the punch fly and...red seals lit up along the surface.

    Because of course they would.

    This dungeon is so railroad-y, I swear. Like, I can understand not wanting us to just break through the walls to get out, but come on, it’s glass. I should be able to break out of it.

    Good thing I held back on the physical power of the punch, I didn’t want to lose any HP breaking my hand.

    “That’s so annoying,” I groused.

    “It was a good try,” Hisako said with a nod.

    Down in the pit, I saw another entrance, which I followed to find a mini-staircase going downward to a door. “Door’s over there.”

    “I think we should let that tape go,” Kakashi said. “It looks like a trap.”

    I almost said he had nothing to worry about, but the more I looked at it, the less it looked like an operating theater and more it looked like an arena. The kind where waves upon waves of enemies spawned while the door out was locked until either all they were dead, or you were.

    “Yes, Sensei,” I replied.

    See, normally I’d be all over it, but my only real way to kill them, as far as I know, is extremely clunky and unreliable since I’m not built for ranged combat. I wonder if by increasing my Ninjutsu skill, the Lightning Kunai would do more damage? Probably. If I’m using a jutsu that requires a lot of precision to get any value out of it, I’d like to take them out in one shot instead of two.

    We left the auditorium with my gaming instincts screaming at me that I wasn’t going to get all of the story because I missed that one tape. The completionist is ranting and railing about how awful it was that I wouldn’t be able to 100% my first dungeon and how everything was horrible and how dare Kakashi keep me on rails.

    But my self preservation is busy stuffing the completionist into a tiny chest labeled ‘do not open’. So we left the auditorium and while I was curious as to what kind of surgeries were performed in this house and who would be watching as an audience...oh, who am I kidding. I’m dying to know.

    We took a left and proceeded to the next door. Inside here, however, was a lab.

    There were chemistry tables, sinks, beakers, nozzles all over the place. On the tables themselves were actually what I would call predecessors to the wallies that I have gotten to know over the past few hours; vaguely humanoid shapes crumbled in concrete with ink running down along their skin in smeared seals.

    Right in the center was a large, thick column of bookshelves and chalkboards. On the shelves, notes and data-sheets were hastily thrown together without a hint of organization, while chemical formulae were scrawled on the chalk-board. Even from here, it was clear he was trying to decipher some kind of genetic code.

    Perception Check Success: 5/5.

    Also on the tables of this large, round room, were tapes!

    Four of them by my count and there’s no enemies in this room. But I am noting some medical supplies, white boxes mounted on the wall.

    Which told me that the next room was probably the boss room.

    Oh boy.

    “Sensei, can we take another break?” I asked, raising my hand. “I’d like to listen to these tapes.”

    “Sure,” Kakashi said, sitting down with a bit more weight than I was expecting.

    He must’ve been more tired than I thought.

    “I can’t keep waiting,” This second tape started. “I can’t keep it contained any longer. I haven’t even seen this ‘boy in blue’ but he was supposed to at least come by the house once years ago. It...it’s getting restless. I’m...I’m so...tired. Weary. Keeping it out from the eye of ANBU and Root is slowly becoming impossible. Eventually, the Avian will come out in public and then my shame will be complete.”

    Years ago?

    Like when I graduated the academy?

    Well, that’s...lucky, I guess, that I didn’t get on a team for so long.

    But what’s Root?

    I saw that Kakashi’s eye narrowed to an almost imperceptible slit.

    Then he immediately cried out in pain. “Not now...not now...stop...he’s not here. I know you’re hungry...stop…”

    The tape ended.

    “Sensei, what’s Root?” Hisako asked with a frown.

    “It was a branch ANBU,” Kakashi stated, his words slow and careful. “They were disbanded, I thought. If these tapes are telling the truth, then Root is still active, against the orders of the Hokage.”

    Oh. This is Shippuden stuff that just got blown open because of my game stuff.

    “Next tape?” I asked.

    Nichiren passed it to me and I put the one we just finished in a storage scroll.

    This one didn’t start immediately.

    “...master…”

    The voice was not human. It sounded like scratchy and high pitched, driving a pick through my eardrums. It was an animal mimicking human speech.

    “...I can’t find him, Master. I can’t...I tried,” The voice continued. “The mask people keep getting in the way. I can’t find the boy in blue...”

    Nichiren and Hisako looked as disturbed as I felt.

    It was sobbing. “But...master...I made a friend. I met a man in green.”

    Man in Green.

    That sent chills down my spine because I had met someone very similar to that years ago.

    “He was so nice,” The voice said, sounding oddly happy even through the tears. “He said I only needed to be patient...but it’s hard, master.”

    Oh boy.

    “...please help me, master...please help. I’m so hungry…”

    Hisako gave me a hug. Slowly, I matched her, wrapping my arm around her waist as I stared at the recorder.

    Nichiren pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose again. A nervous tick, not because he glasses didn’t fit him. “This is terrifying.”

    “Yeah.” I nodded. “Pretty terrifying.”

    “The more I think about it, though,” Nichiren started. “I think the bodies we found in the attic were planted.”

    Hisako and I both looked at him.

    “What do you mean?” She asked.

    “What was the first room we came to after the mansion rearranged itself?” Nichiren asked with a glare. “It was a cell block. Whoever lived in this house didn’t need to store bodies in the attic. Not even a little bit. But we found them hanging there.”

    Wait, he’s right. That doesn’t make any sense.

    “You think the butler killed those people?” I asked.

    “He’s our only suspect,” Nichiren answered. “Because the butler, according to the tape we found in the library, didn’t know about the house rearranging itself, so it made sense.”

    “Or maybe he did,” Hisako said, her face taking a dark look. “And he was trying to lure Daisuke to the attic so the trap can spring.”

    “He didn’t specifically hire us,” Kakashi replied. “And there was no reaction to Daisuke’s jumpsuit. No, I think Nichiren is right; the Butler was trying to plant the bodies and frame the master of the house for murder...only he didn’t realize what else the owner was involved in.”

    “Third tape?” I asked, holding it up.

    The tape started with the beast. Wonderful.

    “No more,” It rasped out. “No more hiding.”

    “We have to hide!” The normal voice demanded. “We can’t just run out onto the streets of Konoha you stupid bird! You are no where near strong enough to fight an army!”

    “But master said we have to devour the boy in blue.”

    “I don’t care what that psychopath said.” It was normal, and it was a snarl. “You are not throwing away everything I worked for just to fulfill your asinine purpose in life! Look what I built! Look what we get to enjoy because I was able to operate!”

    “It doesn’t matter,” The bird replied, as disdainfully as it could with it’s screeching voice. “Throw it all away. Hunt in the Leaf. Kill the people in masks. Find the boy. Fulfill our purpose.”

    How on Earth did it even leave the Mansion without getting immediately detected and deleted by ANBU?

    “No! No, no! We talked about this. I am the one who hunts! I am the one who goes onto the streets so you don’t get seen. I am...” The human sighed. “I-I can’t do this anymore...I’m tired of this. Tired of you. Tired of being your minder. Tired of having to always fight to keep things together.”

    The bird was about to say something else, but the recording stopped.

    So we are looking at a classic case of Jekyll and Hyde syndrome, a disease that, until today, I had assumed was complete fiction. Dissociative Personality Disorder was about as close as you get and that’s really not close.

    “Why would they want to kill you?” Hisako sniffed. Was she crying? No...but she was close. “This doesn’t make any sense, you haven’t done anything wrong!”

    “I don’t think the human guy wants me dead,” I said, popping the tape out of the player. “It’s just the bird and whoever its master is. For some reason.”

    There are RPG’s, like Planescape, KotoR 2, New Vegas? That give the player character an entire past or something and the plot of the game is dealing with your characters past. I didn’t like it then because it usually caused issues with the backstory I wanted to give my characters and I certainly don’t like it now because there is no way I have a past of any kind that warrants this.

    “Whatever the reason,” Kakashi-sensei himself was oddly still. “We need to take them out.”

    10 Ryo said that the bird was right through that door over there. But I didn’t say that because I had no idea what I could say without ruining my life for the rest of it.

    “But the owner of the house left,” Nichiren pointed out with a frown. “He’s not here anymore. So he could have left Konoha to look for Daisuke in other villages.”

    “Good,” Hisako snarled. “Let him look there.”

    “Let’s...put in the last tape?” I suggested holding it up.

    “Do it,” Kakashi ordered.

    I placed the last tape in the recorder.

    Well, as far as video game plots went, this was acceptable. Contrived as all get out, but...it did it’s job justifying the game play, even if that justification was as substantial as a shoe-string.

    “The cage is finished.” The human’s voice was scratchy and rough. “I will lock myself within and let the Avian out. But he will be unable to leave. Since I will no longer feed him, he will starve. He will starve and I will be free.”

    Nichiren blinked. Hisako was gripping her kunai tight enough to make her knuckles turn white.

    “If I somehow survive the birds death, it will be a stroke of good fortune,” the voice continued. “If the boy in blue, whoever he is, reaches us before our death, the key to the front door is within the raven’s stomach. Use it and the mansion’s defenses will disengage. Be swift in dispatching the Crow. You cannot afford to make any mistakes, for your death at it’s hands will not be a quick affair and it delights in causing pain. To the one who made the beast, I say this: I hope whatever abyss spawned you swallows you whole.”

    The tape ended.

    Quest Updated: Nevermore.

    Completed: Find a way out of the house.

    Defeat the Avian.

    So I have to kill the boss and loot the body.

    A perfectly acceptable and time honored game mechanic. I approve.

    I put the tapes and tape player in the scroll.

    “So,” I started, standing up and rolling my shoulders. “We’ve got a bird to go kill.”

    “You will not be joining the fight,” Kakashi said flatly.

    “Fair enough.”

    I mean, I don’t want to die. It’s a little disappointing to have to skip the boss fight but hey, it’s better than dying because I screwed up somehow.

    We ran over to the door and took our usual positions. Kakashi attempted to turn the knob...it was locked.

    “Uh…” Nichiren started.

    It was at that moment a steel portcullis dropped from the ceiling, barring the door off from us and behind us, things where sliding.

    The column was sliding apart and slowly descending into the ground. On the back of the column walls, I could see bronze-looking bars. As the column finished descending, I saw a black, feathery thing curled up in the center of the podium.

    It slowly stood up, it’s bones creaking from stiffness, revealing a humanoid form. It’s legs were claws, as were it’s hands, with large feathers growing out under the arms. The head was all bird, its beak shining in the orange light of the lab.

    The Crow spread it’s wings and let out a massive screech that forced me, Hisako and Nichiren to cover our ears.

    180/225 HP.

    I felt my hands get wet as my ears began to bleed from the sheer screeching volume of this thing’s cry.

    Then it stopped.

    It’s head instantly snapped to look at me. Then it dropped to all fours.

    Without a sound, the bird charged at full speed.
    * * *​

    Author’s Note: Being honest with you guys, I’m really happy I was able to turn the mansion into a proper dungeon, with railroading and all. It sets a better tone of what to expect in the future and really sells the video game part of Daisuke life, with all the insanity that comes with it.

    I’m also pretty glad I was able to much more directly incorporate some plot elements into this draft that, previously, were extremely subtle. I like subtle as a creator, but a lot of people missed it last time, like I said, so I’m doing away with the subtlety so it doesn’t blindside you.

    Also, I’m really liking Hisako and Nichiren more here. They’re really coming together to help their teammate and they make me happy. Also letting Kakashi teach Daisuke jutsu, something he never really had to do in the first draft, solidifying his role as Sensei as opposed to assistant conflict ball.

    I think that’s it!

    Shout out goes out too Melden V, Anders Kronquist, Ray Tony Song, Volkogluk, Aaron Bjornson, iolande, Martin Auguado, Julio, Hackerham, Tim Collins-Squire, Maben00, Ventari, PbookR, Seij, ChristobalAlvarez, Apperatus, EPiCJB19, Seeking Raven, Handwran, Russel Beatrous and Richard Whereat. Thank you all for your continued support!

    Until the next time!

    ~Fulcon
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2021
  8. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2016
    Messages:
    2,842
    Likes Received:
    15,026
    Well. That was frankly terrifying to read before going to sleep. Well done that man.

    Now I'm not going to sleep without reading something a little more light hearted and happy. Like IT.
     
  9. tamagat

    tamagat I Find Your Lack of Cake Disturbing.

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2017
    Messages:
    690
    Likes Received:
    7,906
    i was getting bloodborne vibes from those tapes, brrrrrr
     
    Dyliokhan, VitaeJack, Seij and 2 others like this.
  10. Hadrian810

    Hadrian810 I trust you know where the happy button is?

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2019
    Messages:
    598
    Likes Received:
    5,855
    I'm liking the mansion more this time. It felt out of place last time to the point I rolled my eyes when it was introduced in this version. Enjoyable so far.
     
  11. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    Wow. Nichiren isn't just sneaky, and intelligent, but with a detective's eye for detail even in stressful situations. He's way more useful than last time.

    Also yes, team chemistry in general is better now that people have actual purposes. Also I think we're really starting to see Hisako's resolve start to firm on Daisuke. Even if she hasn't established a strong combat role yet, she's a believable source of positivity to stop/mitigate the sadsack phase from last time.

    Also in addition to teaching jutsu at all being a definite improvement I like Kakashi offering mini rewards to the entire team for excellence. Getting people to associate success within the team, even if it's not theirs, is good for mitigating jealousy. Same for encouraging the team to see the successful as pillars of strength they can rely on instead of showoffs.

    The man is shown to have actually put real effort into thinking about how to encourage the values he preaches, instead of just being stuck in grief and shock for years.

    And finally, small thing, but having Daisuke VOICE his simmering distrust of authority when clearly on edge is an excellent way of explaining to everyone else in universe why he has to be prompted for info on his bloodline instead of volunteering. I wonder if this gets back to Hiruzen and gets him to think back on his little spying program. Him knowing early on that Daisuke was afraid of him on some level is good characterization hook. How would he react to that information?
     
  12. Darkarma

    Darkarma Loli Ōtsutsuki

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2016
    Messages:
    741
    Likes Received:
    5,852
    Agreed with the comments, the lead up to the boss fight is amazing.

    This is why the moment everyone else rests you don't bother reading what the books say, you just start storing everything in the library in and take it with you. Loot waits for no one!
     
  13. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,006
    Well...I'm glad what I wrote was effective. I was having those weird doubts after I posted the chapter that I had screwed the pooch somehow.

    Have a cookie.

    Interesting!

    I'll bear this in mind for the future.

    Yeah, the mansion wasn't the best first time around; the Genjutsu entry-hook really wasn't the best way to introduce what happened to everyone.

    That makes me happy. Having Nichiren disappear into the background in the first two drafts made me sad so I'm very glad I could change that around.

    If Daisuke didn't have the game system buffing his skills, Hisako would be the melee Queen; very skilled with her kunai and has trained pretty much since birth. Also, her mental health has vastly improved her as a character, which makes me a very happy man.

    Wasn't intentional, it just felt right to do for some reason.

    The Hokage learning that Daisuke was afraid of him is...well, I'm not sure. It's going to be a complicated set of feelings for the old man.

    Have a cookie for your meaty post.

    Thank you!

    I wish I had Daisuke do this.
     
  14. cazador

    cazador Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2016
    Messages:
    1,885
    Likes Received:
    13,579
    The second he put charisma to 1 and boosted luck instantly consudered the mc retarded no matter how high his intelligence is also probably the reason his parents left his ugly ass at the orphanage
     
    Relyt33 likes this.
  15. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,006
    Given how he dumped charisma AT the orphanage, I wonder if you're even reading the story.
     
  16. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    Okay to clear up some confusion. I know about Hisako's specialty. There's a difference between knowing a focus, and seeing it do something. I expect her to pull being a good melee backup dancer/support in future. It just hasn't happened yet. Within that niche the most useful things she could do to compliment the team dynamic is go agility fighter, and focus on attacks that debilitate or otherwise slow movement. We've got a guy what just makes people go pop on command, and making his job easier is powerful. Also different skillset from Daisuke's focus like this is good to keep her distinct.

    Nichiren trapping fills a similar type of role, but that's just fine. Two people on setup/support, and one bruiser is how Ino-Shika-Cho team comp has made its bread and butter for generations.

    The Kakashi thing still gets the credit. You didn't think about it, but your brain did. Also now that you're aware of it, you can build on it.

    I generally have two kinds of posts that come up often. There's thoughtful, meaty, and focused on lore, predictions, mechanics, and critique. They take time and effort, but are generally well worth it, because they invite heavy conversation, and will only ever help quality.

    Then there's memey which is more about keeping the thread feeling lively and upbeat. They're quite easy individually, but it's still a skill to cultivate.

    Then there's the rarer feelzy post, when someone needs their spirits lifted.
     
    NightmareWarden, Relyt33 and Fulcon like this.
  17. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,006
    Wasn't confused, just noting that in a normal set up, Daisuke and Hisako's role would be reversed. Just a funny observation, nothing more.

    The Rogue to Daisuke's Fighter. Makes sense. They'd probably be a lot more comfortable if they had enemies that weren't immune to physical damage. Next mission should help with that.

    Again, another thing I hadn't thought of. Makes sense, though. :D

    My brain is smart at the weirdest times, I swear...

    And I enjoy them all. :D
     
    Warer and Relyt33 like this.
  18. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    Also I just thought of something else. Root was mentioned DIRECTLY in front of Daisuke, and implicated in some shady shit even if he doesn't fully understand the importance yet. That's the main reason a sane person with full knowledge doesn't fully trust Konoha authority, and Hiruzen would be briefed that they came up. That only adds to any perspective worry on being alienating to the strongest of the next generation.

    It also means Danzo is an actual effect on character relationships even this early on, and can be tied to Daisuke's status in the story even separate from involvement in mission backstories. It all gets that little bit more naturally connected and self reinforcing. You can make Danzo REAL instead of just a background annoyance and loose end even if he doesn't do much to Daisuke directly.
     
    Relyt33 and Fulcon like this.
  19. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,006
    Being honest, I hadn't realized it; I thought most SI's wouldn't trust Konoha was because it was a military dictatorship (a fairly benevolent one, I guess) but...still. That actually makes way more sense and I guess it didn't occur to me because I haven't watched Shippuden.

    Being honest, having Root taken care of in the background was not as good an idea as I had thought. Having Root being taken care of independant of Daisuke was to show how the world around Daisuke was alive and not just waiting for him to do everything, but frankly, a lot of people want to see an SI tear Danzo and by extension, Root, a new one.

    ...

    Also, that was the last chapter I had prepared ahead of time, so it will be some time before the boss fight is resolved.
     
    Seij, Relyt33 and Warer like this.
  20. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    The part of Konoha most shinobi see is sometimes disturbing, but generally ultimately understandable. Yes it's a form of government that can be problematic if the dictator doesn't have the interests of the people at heart, or as in canon had deep running flaws that led to problematic outcomes.

    This is generally avoided in a positive manner by the simple fact that, at least in Konoha, the hokage generally DOESN'T WANT THE JOB. Lots of dictators do horrible things, because those things necessary in a dictatorial system where the dictator wants to keep his position, and the high echelons of their power base want to benefit as much as possible, backstabbing if it seems advantageous.

    Danzo DOES want the job, and as such rules in accordance with every single one of your worst fears, and more for a dictator.

    Naruto started by wanting the job, but in actuality got his real goal during Shippuden, and came to see being hokage as a responsibility only he could actually fill. He's still got attention starved scars, and it is shown to be a flaw in his reign.

    Finally, I don't have a problem with not Daisuke finishing Danzo. I just feel he should be used instead of existing just to die. Tying him into character relations like suggested is a means to that end. Hiruzen taking responsibility and fixing his shit was cool. It just didn't have proper set up to be as powerful as you'd want.
     
    zarion, Relyt33, Fulcon and 1 other person like this.
  21. Willian

    Willian Making the rounds.

    Joined:
    May 23, 2018
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    170
    With the information Daisuke gave Kakashi and the information from the tapes it is easy for Kakashi and the Hokage to deduce that there is another "seer" that knows Daisuke is a "seer" and want to kill him before he becomes a threat or something.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2020
    Seij, Relyt33, Fulcon and 1 other person like this.
  22. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    A reasonable theory for someone in universe to have. The other is to assume someone knows about his bloodline, and as such wants to capture, control, or kill him.

    Those are the two patterns that fit their likely expectations with given knowledge.

    Either way, the perpetrator must either have more information than Konoha itself about Daisuke, or at a minimum have access to files the hokage has almost certainly marked as state secrets. Both of these theories have bone-chilling implications for anyone seriously considering them. Neither is fully accurate obviously, but with available information they're the best guesses that can reasonably be formed.
     
    Seij, Relyt33, Fulcon and 1 other person like this.
  23. MagusZanin

    MagusZanin Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2019
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    471
    I second the idea of Hiruzen stepping up and fixing some of his shit being cool, and it shows the world changing in response to the SIs presence, which is definitely a needed part of the story. It just needed more buildup than a side chapter or two.

    Liking the new first quest so far, though I admit I did like the og genjutsu scene for the pure mindfuck it was. Still, it's not like you can't include a new version later.
     
    Seij, Relyt33 and Fulcon like this.
  24. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,006
    Noted, and I agree, I just wasn't sure how to do that without deviating from Daisuke's pov from long stretches of time.

    I now see the value of showing more of my cards.

    No matter what happens, Konoha as an entity is going to start getting more and more paranoid in response, especially exaggerated when future events come into play.
     
    Seij and Relyt33 like this.
  25. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    The simple solution to building an important plot-point or conflict the main character isn't directly involved in without keeping them out of focus for too long is interludes focusing on the character or characters that make up that conflict.

    Spaced correctly people still get their Daisuke fix without denying yourself the room to build up things he isn't directly present to see.

    And yes Fulcon, attentive and focused audience members expecting a mystery are more likely to theorize. I wasn't just talking about avoiding complaints when I brought up training your audience.

    The more you do it, the more stuff like this happens. Also the people who do complain are more likely to come up with something relevant or insightful that does reveal an important issue.
     
  26. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,006
    This was actually the method I tried to do.

    The problem is that I failed because the Danzo plot wasn't interesting to me in the slightest. But here...I'm hoping that will change.

    But muh surprises. :(
     
    Relyt33 likes this.
  27. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    All methods have benefits and weaknesses.

    An attentive, expecting audience is harder to take by surprise, but they're more likely to take you by surprise. You do like living in a world where multiple people regularly bury glitter mines, and hide various forms of easter egg along your path right?
     
    Relyt33 and Fulcon like this.
  28. MagusZanin

    MagusZanin Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2019
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    471
    If you can't bring Daisuke to the plot, bring the plot to him instead.

    I could totally see Hiruzen keeping Daisuke away from Root and all the issues that it has, but Danzo could well have other ideas for adding new bloodlines to the village...

    Edit: or he might think Daisuke knows more than he's letting on and try to learn how Hiruzen really learned that Root still exists.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2020
    Relyt33, Galacticplumber and Fulcon like this.
  29. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    It's true. You can just see the mental image of Danzo learning about every new thing chalked up to Daisuke's bloodline, and every absurd achievement thinking "It does WHAT NOW?"

    And eventually becoming pretty much this.

    Edit: Wait shit. Daisuke has prophetic mission title powers and thus questionable access to information about the future. And this was first discovered on a mission in air quotes "just happened" to stumble onto root involvement. The information leak worry on the villain side is a non-trivial option for involvement as well.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2020
    Relyt33 and Fulcon like this.
  30. ArcaneReader

    ArcaneReader Master Of The Arcane (Not)

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2019
    Messages:
    887
    Likes Received:
    4,023
    Your just like your namesake.
     
    Anthony1967, Relyt33 and Fulcon like this.
Loading...