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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Not unless the martial arts he's studied allow him to fight them without crippling them, and seeing the weird martial arts that exist there it is possible.

    Also if he uses some schizo tech for his gloves or costume, then the brass knuckle damage may not happen.
     
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  2. Zig

    Zig Not too sore, are you?

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    OK? Grayven literally just said that they are right to be suspicious. Artemis also agreed in an earlier snippet.
     
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  3. Jirachi

    Jirachi I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Artemis... really should probably visit Scott for this.
    This is generally pretty yikes.
     
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  4. iamnuff

    iamnuff Connoisseur.

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    Goddess of arrows is a weird distinction.
    Not Goddess of Archery?
     
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  5. DreamerZexion

    DreamerZexion Versed in the lewd.

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    You know this reminds me of the fate series and how like two people actually used arrows in the archer but people kept using everything from projectile swords to firing projectile treasures at people.
     
  6. Sun Dog

    Sun Dog Getting out there.

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    I thought she was an early recipient, and that's what turned her Red because it was nearer her idealized self?

    Robin "Can I trust you to fix the door? (and not insert some weird monitors or backdoor access or something)

    Grayven - already fixed the door, shrugs and mimes flipping a coin.

    From which I get a "mmmmmmmmaybe." Combined with him fixing everything slightly different and Artemis assumption he threw in a couple extra wires that go nowhere and doodads that do nothing, just to troll Robin when he rips the door panel apart looking for the sabotage.
     
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  7. Flightless Man

    Flightless Man Versed in the lewd.

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    I'm expecting she has shifted to something Halfway between arrows and conquest. Like choice. Kind of in the she chooses an action (shoots an arrow) and follows through until it lands. She has been very make a choice and live with it.
     
  8. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Nope, he just removed the restrictions the Guardians placed on her species.

    I don't think he can even Awaken people not from Earth, due to the Life Entity.
     
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  9. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Homophobic, not sexist. And yes, she's still there, though she's essentially just a figurehead at this point.
     
  10. Valint

    Valint I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Robin was the one making the distinction, not her, and it felt like a bit of a jibe to try to diminish her claim of being a goddess.

    Artemis just didn't seem to care enough to respond on that level, beyond noting that her domain is broader than just that.
     
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  11. Pez

    Pez Spaceman

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    Really, the Team/League is playing this all wrong. They seem to think she needs to be fixed. Other than speaking with a neutral New God (Scott would probably be the best pick), offering to have M'gann tinker with her mind, veiled insults, and forced confinement, is going about this wrong.

    Centuries of exposure to Grayven might have done something to her, but she was conquering the planet on her own before they spent a majority of their time together. And even if her exposure before Gravyen took a look at the sun, she didn't seem to have any inclinations to conqueror before he disappeared.

    Despite their treatment of her, disrespecting Grayven in front of her, the person she just admitted she trusted the most, isn't going to go over too well.

    I'm interested in seeing how Batman will handle Artemis's ultimatum, as he isn't known for compromising often.
     
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  12. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    They probably don't have any experience with situations like hers, so they're not completely sure what they should do.

    This Batman is also more reasonable compared to other versions.
     
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  13. Rafin

    Rafin Not too sore, are you?

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    What's the state of Renegade Mars? I can't remember.
     
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  14. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    This phrasing feels a bit too British for Artemis. "almost standing at attention" would probably be more natural.
     
  15. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    The government, except one guy, was killed by Karmang.

    Renegade sent a bomb to his home, but whether it really destroyed it and killed him hasn't been announced,m so he could still be alive and his base could have been transported to another place.

    Mars is probably now one incident away from civil war.

    Unless renegades Britishisms got to her.
     
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  16. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I'll change it.
     
  17. DeathlessProficiency

    DeathlessProficiency Know what you're doing yet?

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    Grayven is her safety blanket.

    ...
    ...

    a Grayfety Blanket.
     
  18. Pez

    Pez Spaceman

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    This Batman may be more reasonable, but the League members are more incompetent. A canon event sums it up the most for me: Following the Martian training simulation gone wrong, Batman hoped that "they would rally". That was the dumbest thing I ever heard from the one nicknamed 'Batdad'. "Oh, hey, you just say everybody you cared about get brutally killed? Just walk it off." Manhunter had to remind him about trauma.

    So, him playing this wrong is entirely possible. It's also possible that maybe, just maybe, he learned from past mistakes. I'm going to wager that he doesn't force the issue right now. We'll hopefully see in the next update.
     
  19. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    They think she needs to be fixed, because she does need to be fixed.

    At a minimum, she has an extreme case of PTSD that makes her a potential danger to everyone around her. While at a maximum, her nature has been twisted by Renegade to the point she's also a danger to everyone around her.
     
  20. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    Hence why Grayven is a better character, he not only delegates but only works on things he actually cares about.

    He may not be a snake elemental or lead his own Corps buy he is happier because of it.

    OH El is getting the nocive and damaging gratification of just moving from completed goal to completed goal but that's not life, that fulfilling a checklist.

    Grayven meanwhile has a family, has a girlfriend he ACTUALLY MAKES TIME TO SEE and while the whole Sheeda thing was still the most boring arc in this whole fanfic at least it was just a few chapters... from our point of view.

    He also calls Batman on his bullshit and that's fun to read.
     
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  21. Flightless Man

    Flightless Man Versed in the lewd.

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    First: Mr Zoat, thank you for an amazing story. The length, consistant overall quality, good ideas and interpretations, and twiss to yj canon. they way you use Renegade and paragon perspective to split how tbigger threads andsmaller ones are shared/divided has been a huge inspiration in my own writing, leading to one of the Insert characters going evil. It was a really clever idea of yours to reduce story slog and subverted how i assumed an episode or issue was handled.

    Second: I am terrified of horses. had a very bad experiance when i was 5 and hte horse ran away with me, before my aunt could climb on behind me. I have never been interested in any MLP or other form of equine fandom. (i was never someone who hated on people who did, i only had 0 interest myself.) By having the pony arrive as a human i was invested enough in her not to skip the equestria sections. I can now say it has way more lore and care in developing its story then i expected, bu it could still never watch a show about scary horses.

    Third: You have done a fantastic job handling both Constructive and negative critisicm. Kudos, props, and a standing ovation because some has been downright garbage commens of people venting a bad mood or plain old rude people. Alot has been good helpful criticism, and some has been people who have a different idea of paul then you do, so they dislike choices made. For so long people agreed with his choices and would do similar actions, so it was very easy to imagine any one of us as paul, especially wiht the no name thing for so long. Every time he makes a choice some more people realize, is nott a story about them becasue i wouldn't do that. this takes them out of i a bit and were more likely o negatively view his action becasue we feel betrayed by his choices not being in line with our own anymore.

    Fourth: My favorite characters you write, are: Artemis, Zatanna, Lex, Barda, Darkside, Connor, Wonder Woman,Alan,Adom, Guy, Blackfire, Wally, Constantine,Dani, and Cromwell Kid. You really make me care about them.Leastt fav: Kaldur(something has always felt a few inches to the left in your charecterization of him), Paragon Jade (I'm fine with the romance, its more i feel shes a cardboard charecter), Rocket ( Begining to just think i don't like her character), and Virl Dox or whatever his name is (his name really messes with my dyslexia)

    My favorite arcs: Freeing and rehabilitating Adom, Zatana and Star Saphire and Nabu, Lex and SI business(both versions), Burning Martian/Civil unrest on Mars, Greek Gods growing in prominence, First expansion of team, Handling Klarion, Sheeda Futre, Justice Lords and Lynne/Barda/Scott, First half of Vega systtem, Least favorite: how Larfleeze was handled. I wanted a big battle filling nearly an entire sector, felt the subversion was underwhellming.

    Fifth(for every else): So many of us have been complaining about pauls actions and diconnect as of late, but how long ago did this begin? how long since he was inserted in the story, has he as an author grown and changed as a person? different from who he was, Writer and character have grown in different directions. Orange rings are about desire, well his have changed. And at its core, chosing an orange ring to give his SI kind of says something about Zoat, Either he is impulsive and acts on his desires, or he repressed them. It seems based on earlier story he repressed his desires while younger but as he writer age, he acted on them more in his own real life. it began reflecting more in the story a few years ago and i feel it is part of the disconnect, In verse paul repressed for long, its weird he shifted to acting on desires he doesn't/hasn't expressed in story. Writer growth affected offscreen character growth.
     
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  22. Pez

    Pez Spaceman

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    I will fully admit that Artemis is my favorite character in this show, so I am horribly biased when it comes to her. And I really like this Artemis (though, I never understood why Tao...), so I could just be projecting my own wishes on how I interpret her current character.

    Everybody seems to be hung up on her having PTSD. I'm not really seeing it. Per the Mayo clinic:
    I'm not seeing those symptoms in her. She has, what, 18 years of memories before going into the future for a few hundred years? Let's assume she was there for 300 years. That means she spent 94.3% of her life in Sheedaland. During a good part of her life, she was was fighting (conquering), and the rest, she was with Grayven as they worked to fix the universe, and get home.

    I'm sure therapy would help her readjust, but there's nothing to fix. To borrow a phrase an infamous New God likes to say... Artemis is.

    But this hasn't just affected Artemis.

    Even Renegade feels it. He's better adapted to it, and with his Mother Box and Rings, he can reacclimate far easier than Artemis can. She really needs a Mother Box.

    This is really the only information from recent chapters that leads me to believe that she has a dependence on Renegade's aura. I know someone referenced something Scott said at some point, but I don't have the time to scour this massive story to find it.

    Even then, it still leads me to believe that she also is about Conquering now, even if to a much lesser degree. Which is why he feels better around her, too. Shame her cutie mark was a typical bow and arrow.

    Why the hell is Kid Flash the one that kinda gets it? Robin's allowing his dislike of Renegade to influence his thoughts on Artemis.

    So... I don't think there's anything to fix. She needs time. Maybe time away from Grayven, to help undo any effects his aura had/has on her. Maybe she just needs a lot of talk therapy (though, honestly, who the hell is qualified to do that? Maybe someone from Themyscira that is thousands of years old, or a New God that specializes in this). Or maybe she just needs to be Artemis, and conquer some fucking planets.

    All mighty Zoat, please make Space Empress Artemis a thing.
     
  23. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    A car is way more likely to kill you, I say that as someone who used to have a fear of horses, then I was almost run over by a car, had a dog killed by a car and saw the numbers.

    Ponies are not horses any more that cats are lions. Ponies are small and cute creatures that while able to hurt you, they cannot break your back.

    People say you can't logic away your fears... but I can?

    Fear of darkness? One day I turned on the lights, saw everything that was in my room, then turned the lights off and saw the things again in darkness. Then turned the lights on again and moved things around so nothing looked scary in the darkness, problem solved.

    Fear of snakes? Turns out no poison snakes live in the area, still fear them but not to the point of not even moving if I see one.

    Fear of spiders? Learned what poison spiders look like so I am less afraid of the small mostly harmless one I am likely to see on the house or garden.

    Fear of death? Still fear it and always will but I look at the numbers and so far I still have a few decades to live.
     
  24. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    Heightened reactions, like say destroying a console because she didn't remember how to use it?

    Anxiety, like she has been showing constantly?

    Depressed mood, like she gets any time she's not around Renegade?
     
  25. Pez

    Pez Spaceman

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    Her power did that to the console, because it wouldn't obey her. That was Batman's fault for keeping her hostage. And of course she's frustrated. She hadn't used a console like that in decades, and everybody is pissing her off. The chapter starts with Robin starting shit.

    True anxiety doesn't just go away. I know people who suffer from it. It's sudden, with little to no reason behind it, and passes. Depression is the same.

    Artemis feels this way because something she's had in her life so long, something that's a part of her now, is missing. Even Renegade feels that way (though to a lesser extent), but nobody is claiming he's suffering from PTSD.

    What nobody seems to understand is... she's been back only two days. She needs time! Hundreds of years (probably) versus two days.
     
  26. Lone Courier 6

    Lone Courier 6 Wanderer of threads

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    Problem is, is she falls more into Grayven's Social Circle than The Team's at this point, and she's trying to go back to a life that no longer resonates cleanly with her...When a bond forged in war still calls to her, when Grayven is too happy to help his counterpart try to find a place back in this time, but most of the Team expects her to be the exact same person as before.
     
  27. DrThoth

    DrThoth I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Does Renegade-Artemis not look older? Sure, New Gods tend not to age past their 'prime' but I'd have thought she'd looked to be mid-/late twenties rather than late teens; besides her hair color, I don't think any changes to her appearance have been mentioned.

    The ongoing feud/tension between Robin and Renegade (even if the latter just finds it amusing) is interesting, but it's so sporadically present in the fic that the impact isn't as effective as it could be. There's also the fact that Robin hasn't changed his m.o. at all from what I can see, in terms of equipment, skills or personal empowerment, so it can often feel pathetic instead of actually amusing or compelling; Robin is surrounded by more of the consequences of Renegade's intervention and aid than Batman is (hence why I'm not as fussed about Batman apparently being the same), but he's apparently just doubled down on the status quo instead of seeking alternatives (as far as readers are aware).
    I think after the third such major enterprise (after the dissolution of the Light 1.0 and the British coup), Batman and the League should be pushing a bit more for openness/full disclosure in their interactions with Renegade. Sure, they can't control or threaten him, but I think they should be trying something, when so far they do seem quite passive (and I don't think the choice first-person narrative precludes showing other people as proactive and planning things).

    Thinking of ongoing plot points, are Savitar and Lady Eve going to be making any appearances, in either timeline? Kobra should still be running around, even if it's only the dregs of the organization.

    Did the Paragon-Light not do anything to fight the Sheeda? Seems like something Truggs would have been interested in, at least.
     
  28. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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  29. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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  30. Pez

    Pez Spaceman

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    FTFY
    For Paul, I believe Abra Kadabra mentioned something about how Orange Lanterns were the bad guys in his war of the rings, or something. I don't know if he asked about "Blackest Night", or something else. I'm not really looking forward to that, if some Orange vs Other Corps actually happens.

    I don't really see how that would happen. The Guardians aren't enemies of the OLC, even if they are wary. If anything, now that there's another big corps out there, they won't be able to hide all their shit from the universe any longer.

    Pauls friends with some ranking Greenies, is like family to the only Blue, and the Indigo are kind of in his debt (even if nothing comes from that). I don't know the state of the Sapphires in Paul's universe.

    And what happened to the Sapphire in Renegades? We haven't really seen her since he gained a yellow ring. I remember him trying her ring, which kinda worked, and that was it.

    Honestly, I want to see Renegade wielding even more rings. Hell, give him a jail broken green one. He deserves it.
     
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