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Threads of a Web

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Revilokcaj666, Jul 23, 2021.

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  1. Revilokcaj666

    Revilokcaj666 Getting sticky.

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    "Urgh..." I sit up from the floor. I look around and see nothing but... Omega? OMEGA!?! I stand up and head to a window. I see the inside of the Asteroid Station.

    "Oh Fuck..." I look around and see that I'm alone and I look at myself and find my self in Cargo pants, combat boots, long sleeve shirt, jacket and a Side bag. I look in the bag and fine three things.

    Two bracelet, labeled Omni-Tools and a M-358 Talon Pistol. "Okay...?" I quickly put on the Tools and hook the pistol to my belt. Which strangely is magnetic.

    The Tools start up and I get a wave of information. "Greetings to your New Game+. You have played three previous Lifetimes. This is what they given you. You can only Pick one!"

    1. Psionics from X-Com Universe 9001
    2. Yellow Ring Of Fear from DC Universe 7782
    3. Spartan Body and Armor

    "Each of this abilities will come with their own Powers, Feats, and Perks. For instance Psionics will allow you to use Mind control, while a Spartan form will be able to make use of Halo Tech in a mass effect world."

    "I need to think of this tactically... What year is it?" My Left hand Tool Blinks and a date appears. It simply states a month after Shepard's Death... "Ah Shit!"

    "Can I look at possible perks for each?" The voice in my head comes forth. "I'm afraid not, please pick." I click on the Psionics. Both of the others will be too noticeable.

    I didn't feel different, then I flick my hand and Deep Purple Orb formed in my hand. I flick again and it disappeared. "Now it's time to adjust your Attributes. You have 5 points to spend."

    Strength: 5
    Perception: 5
    Endurance: 5
    Charisma:5
    Intelligence: 5
    Agility: 5
    Luck: 5

    "Okay I'll increase Intelligence to a full 10 take Agility down to 1 and push Charisma and Luck up to a 6 and 9."

    S: 2
    P: 5
    E: 5
    C: 6
    I: 10
    A: 1
    L: 10

    I click the Accept button and screamed. The Fallout New Vegas Max Intelligence says Omniscient. But I wasn't that, I don't know everything but I do know if I learn I will.

    Not only that, I feel like I can Openly Cheat at anything and still win. "You get to pick three Skills to 'Major' in." I look at them and found what I need.

    Science, Repair and Medicine. Suddenly my Omni-Tool blinks back on. Listing several skills. "Please Level up to 5. Also: This perk system is based off Fallout 3. 1 every level."

    I pick Swift Learner, two Intense Training(Two points) Comprehension and Education. I Put the Two extra points into CHA making it into a solid 8.

    While I won't get recognize automatically, Once I make contact, they will recognize me. "Now, you are free to explore this brand new world." Okay... I take a deep breath and sigh. "Lets Explore!"

    I walk around and find myself in back ally way once I make it out I found my first alien... A Fuck off Krogan! "Hm? What do you want human?" He spoke with a deep grumble.

    "Uhh... Can you point me to a terminal?" He points down the street. "Once you make it to the Third left go right." "Thanks, May I ask your name?" He tilts his head. "Garm..." FUCK! "Thank you Lord Garm."

    I follow his instructions and found a terminal. Once there you download every ounce of Free data on Weapon, Biotics, ships and Free hacking tools.

    I then sat on the ground, and begin to read....

    5 Hours Later.

    "I'm done... Time to access the net..." I begin to surf the Extranet searching for the Fabled 1% and I hear a Bing!

    Intelligence/Luck Success: You Found The 1%. Perk Gain: The Golden Rule. You will now have the Money to spend on things. Once spent you will have to wait a full 5 Hours to get your money back.

    Thank God for Max INT and LUC. I stand and stretch. While I was on the Net I gotten a map of Omega and follow a path to the one and only Afterlife Bar and Throne.

    Doubt I'll get in but they Do have cameras... Another quick hack and I make it in their system. It's a over view of the bar and Dancing Stage. "Next, No no Ah!" I see her Aria T'loak. Press a button here and there...

    Her Tool comes on and you hear her voice in you Tool. "Who are you and how did you get this number?" Straight to the point. "Name's Ben Skywalker, and I hack your cameras and then your Tool."

    You see her look up at the camera above her. "And I'm guessing you have 'Dirt' on me?" "Oh no! I'm not the Black mailing type. I need a way off this station. I'll give you two pieces of fortune."

    "Your going to a lot of trouble to do this. I can offer you a way out if you show me these fortunes." I type in my tools, "You should be getting the first Fortune." "Two Billion Credits? You could've spend this on a ship."

    "Right I could've, but I want a good ship and I thought this would be a good down payment for one of yours." She types into her Tool and all of a sudden you get a transfer request. It was a Cargo Freighter.

    "And the Second Fortune?" You transferred Location. Haestrom. SBB. "I'll head to the shuttles for lift off." "I'll have Bak lead you there." "I'm just outside of the Club."
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2021
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  2. Ashenerden

    Ashenerden Not too sore, are you?

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    It would be fun to read if you find a beta reader or two. Too hard to read and enjoy otherwise.
     
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  3. Threadmarks: 2
    Revilokcaj666

    Revilokcaj666 Getting sticky.

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    As you walk behind Bak, you tried to stay silent, But even a 5 PER is enough to notice that you are being followed. "Um, Bak?" "I know kid, I've leading us around the long way. To see how far they'll follow."

    We rounded a corner and ducked into a room. He pulls out a pistol, I do the same. A few presses on my Tool and screen came up showing a X-Ray of the outside. The man... was a wearing out dated armor... and a Shotgun.

    We stayed silent, The man placed a hand on his ear and I look down and saw subtitles. "Targets are hiding in somewhere in the back alleys. Reinforcements?" "Squads 9 and 12 will head your way. Squads 2 and 3 will head at the other end."

    The man moves back the way we came. "He called for some help." "Figures, Former Alliance, Maybe Cerberus or CAT-6." He must either be more experience or have a Higher PER.

    He calls someone, "Aria, We got incoming in Alley Juncture 37... Yes, Understood." He turns to me, "We're going to make a run for Afterlife. Doesn't matter if they're a Dumb Vorcha or a Councilor, Afterlife is Neutral Ground."

    I use my X-Ray Scan to see the outside. "Unless they're cloak, there's nobody around." He nods, opens the door and looking around, he leads me back to the Club.

    He leads me down other streets. But when we make to the Afterlife apartments I got a ping. "Get to Afterlife: Defeat CAT-6 Mercenary Gang" We rounded a corner and see several armed men.

    "Dammit... Okay kid What did you do to piss these people off." "I just got here. I haven't had the time to piss anybody off." I access my Tool and gave us Disrupter Rounds. He calls Aria again.

    "We're just in the AL Apartments... Right. Okay kid, we'll wait here for Gavik and Captain Forem." I nodded and hack into the C6 Coms. "This is Lieutenant Darren, I'm near Afterlife. Target Alpha either is Hiding nearby or is on the way in now."

    "I'm guessing you're Alpha?" I shrugged. "I don't know, but that seems likely." I looked at Lt. Darren and then the others and found out there are more engineers than soldiers... INT/PER Success.

    I hack their Tools and activate their Drones, that Popped into existence, and begin to attack them. "Hm, not bad kid." Five out of 7 were stunned into unconsciousness. All that leave is Darren and one other who wasn't a Engineer.

    I jammed their coms and we started to open fire. Normally in games the fire fight would take a few minutes. But thanks to the element of surprise we take them down in a minute.

    Darren is still alive, we walk up to him. "Ugh... Fuckers." I put the barreled of my pistol to his head. "Why are you after me?" "Our Boss... H-he wants to capture you for some reason. Something about the Higher Up. That's all I know."

    I looked at Bak, "You want him?" He shakes his head... I pulled the trigger. "Lets head to Aria." I nodded...

    15 Minutes Later

    I stood before the Queen of Omega, CEO of Afterlife, Aria T'loak. Her back was turn to me, "You arrive yesterday and got lost in Blood Pack Territory. Hack into our network and somehow gotten hold of two things. 2 Billion Credits and a very dangerous Name, which now paints a target on my back... Now CAT-6 is now is willing to cause trouble on my turf."

    She turns and Despite her fierce tone she showed indifference. "Who are you Mr. Skywalker?" "I am not a enemy of yours Miss T'loak. I simply wish to change the World."

    "What is your real name?" "Uh... I rather not-" "Now." "Sasha Roman" If it wasn't for the Gamer Mind I would've blushed up a storm. "Isn't that a woman's name?" "Yes but I'm of Russian decent, My Mother always says its a strong name."

    "Well... Roman, Where would you have gone to, if, you've gotten to the ship?" "Geth space." She raised a brow, "Something tells me you have a plan." I nodded. "I know things that only they know."

    "Something that'll get me killed know doubt... Bak, Take a few men and get Mr. Roman off my station." She sits down and begins to read from her Tool. I bowed slightly and follow Bak.

    24 Minutes Later

    "The ship is for long range comfort cruising and extended stay in space. Its fully fueled, has access to the extranet and has a one GUARDIAN Laser Turret. It'll take 3 minutes to charge and 5 seconds between shots." Bak was reading from a small data-pad.

    "Is it supplied?" He nods, "Mostly dried food and recyclable water. There are a few beds, each with its own toilet and bath. It also has an advance VI Pilot, It'll take you to the Organic-Hating-Death-Robots."

    "Well then you'll won't need to deal with me any longer." "For what it's worth you got as much guts as that Human Spectre." He raises his hand, I grabbed it and we shook. "Thanks Bak, I'm glad their is one Batarian who isn't 'Evil.'"

    "And I'm glad that you are leaving and not making my Boss even more pissed off." I nodded and then walked into the "Princess's Hearts" Aria's Little joke. The outside looks like a regular cruise liner but inside was, though plain white, had Holograms of a Krogan Women.

    One of the Holos had name underneath it, Ruk Bar'lan. She had Brownish leathery skin with bluish black plates. And unlike the 18+ pics, she doesn't have tits... I hack the Holo's all over the ship and change the name ID.

    The "Future Price" is on it's way, "Now to head to Geth Space." I sit in the captains chair. "Ooh, Real leather." I looked out into space and saw The Omega-4 Relay. "I really hope that I don't have to go into that."

    After a few minutes, the ship was entering the Relay. It was beautiful, I could feel my eyes widen, my heart beat slightly faster. At that moment I was in bliss. "Was that a cut scene?" Holy god.

    "Computer, what is the time limit on entering the Perseus Veil." "Three Hours" I put everything on auto pilot and explore my new ship and found Aria's Former room. Everything of true value was offloaded.

    I sat on the bed and tried to Serf the Net. Only to get a No Connection during Relay Travel. I get up and head to the Kitchen and found more Holograms of Ruk. "Away with you." With a swipe of my Tool They shut down.

    I open the Fridge and looked at what I had to eat. "Hm, Varren Jerky?" It was in a silver package, I open it up and sniffed it. "Smells alright," I pick a small piece out and ate it. "Chewy and plenty Spicy." I grabbed a metal bottle of from the Cabinets and filled it with water.

    I went to the Cargo and moved a bunch of crates and got to training only stopping to eat and drink every half hour. I was training my Psionic Powers. From what I could see I had Three attacks and a Shield ability.

    The shield power can be made in a few different ways. In a dome, as a personable shield like that in the Andromeda Game and as a Barrier like all biotic have. Sadly I can only activate them one at a time.

    My three attacks are Dubbed Psi Warp, Pull and Throw. For some reason the Game System is combining the Attacks of ME Biotics with that of Xcoms Psionics. It's either that or I'm just using the Idea of Biotics as a push off.

    Though I didn't feel exhausted, My PSI Meter and Stamina Meter was low. I had to wait about 15 minutes to get them back to full. I went to the Bridge and Wait the Next 10 minutes of the Relay Jump.
     
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    Revilokcaj666

    Revilokcaj666 Getting sticky.

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    My ship exits the Relay and I see a whole bunch of nothing... I check my position and found that I'm in the Veil. But other then that I have no idea where to go. "Lets head to the nearest star system."

    I move the ship to the small Red Sun... HAESTROM!? I check my instruments and it is indeed the system. "Alright... Lets contact the Killer-Robots." I tap my broadcast system and begin to speak to the planet.

    "This Agent Fallout, I've come in peace. I know you value your isolation but I know of the Old Machines, I know of a Geth that is searching for Shepard, I know of Sovereigns name: Nazara. I know of the Possible Dyson Sphere that you are building. I wish to help you but you need to help me."

    I transmitted it to the planet and waited... and Waited.

    3 Hours Later

    I surely being watched, luckely I was accessing the Extranet again. Now with The Golden Rule Perk I was able to buy much more help. If I only I can get actual books. "Breep"

    I look at the com and click it. "Hello?" "We are the Geth. We have consensus, you'll be escorted to the nearest habitual planet. Any deviation will be seen as a act of hostility." "Roger Roger"

    Before I could do anything they hack my ship and transport me to the dark side of the Haestrom. My ship goes through the atmosphere and lands on a plateau. I get and head to the airlock.

    Once I exited I see a few dozen Geth. I big white one strides forward. "How do you know of the Station?" "You're not going to believe me. I heard of it through a Video game."

    "How would you help us?" "Well what do you need help with? I need help with taking on the Old Machines." "It is not our war." "Oh but it is, They'll wipe out the lot of you cause you a pale reminder of what they were built to stop."

    It stared for a few seconds, "Why help us?" "Because, besides the Creators, you have a state of the art Fleet. And you have room to grow. I can give you tech that'll make you into a bigger power house than you already are."

    "Show us?" "Oh... give me a few minutes." I began typing into my Tool and soon INT Success. "Here you go, A Rifle Size Laser." I sent them the Blueprint... They scan it and then. "It is... Efficient." It turns and walks away, I follow it.

    We walk to a building and enter it. "This is were you will be staying for your stay until we can make a suitable 'Home' for you." I nod and look around the place. Very Cube like. "How soon do you want me to get started on inventing new things?"

    It thinks for a minute, "How soon can you?" I shrugged, "Pretty soon, What about my ship?" "It's food will be deliver here in one hour." Okay, "I'll find a place to sit down and work... you got an Extranet Connection?"

    "Yes" I nod and walk around till I have a place to connect and work. This is gonna be wild!

    1 Week Later

    "You have done much to help us." She was sitting next to me as the Heastrom Sun rises slowly. Oh she is know has Amy AKA Ambassador Geth. "Wait till I have a year or two."

    In a weeks time A few things has happened. Food stuff from the Quarian Worlds are being produce, Geth platforms like Troopers and Ships are being push out like cookie cutters and Amy is going out into the meeting with the Council. Unscheduled of course.

    But the biggest thing to appear is the invention of the Replicators. It was hard to make Energy into Matter but it gotten me a few levels afterwards. "We predict that you would be able to gain much if brought to say, Noveria."

    I shrugged, "Maybe but then you wouldn't have been invented and you the geth would've been taken by surprise from the Creators." She/It nodded and stood up. "You should come with us."

    I shake my head as I stood up. "You need to do this on your own. They'll see me like Saren and we don't want that." I dust myself off, And looked at Amy. "I know you'll do great, After all I help program you."

    She/It nods again and offers her hand. I take it and we shook...

    3 Months Later

    I was looking at a mirror and notice a few things. Though I do not need to sleep, I never the lest need it. Bags are forming under my eyes... which are bloodshot. "Sigh..." I leave the bathroom and went to the Observation Station.

    I looked at the latest vid on Quarian/Geth conflict. Though the Quarian people have yet to declare war, they are skirting the edge of the boundaries. Han'gerrel made a statement he'll make us see.

    On the other hand Council space is getting the Biggest Economy Boost of it's life since the Alliance coming and joining the many Embassies. The Amy has made a few demands...

    1. Geth space is a Sovereign State
    2. The Quarian people are allowed to have an embassy of their own
    3. Batarain Hegemony is not allowed to buy from any store that sells Geth products

    And numerous other demands. The most notable thing we did, was taken Shepard off the Cerberus's hands. They had her in transit when we popped in and taken it. Now I'm putting my new Medical Sciences to work.

    She is getting the best help that we can give. "Are you certain she can handle the strain of Psionics?" "Yes, you yourself have said that if anybody can she can." "I know but still, She was already a powerful Adept. Adding something that unlocks IT is very... Dangerous."

    "We have study you for nearly 4 months. If you wish us to delay the turning point-" "No... She needs this. What is the optimal time to began the Transferring?" "The longer we wait will be better but that is also dangerous."

    I nodded "I'll give it a year. How is the HyberDrive coming?" The icon creates a loading icon... "Your formula is sound but it is difficult given that you specify that we can't use Mass Effect technology."

    "I know but It'll be worth it."

    7 Months Later

    I was standing in front of one of the Main Characters... Garrus Vakarian. Now a Spectre, he was given leave on this station. "So... How bout that Reaper invasion?" He tilts his head slightly.

    "Uh.. yeah, Pretty wild." We stood their in awkward silence. "Um, Would you like a tour? Food? Bath? Do turian bath?" I meant to say the last one to myself. "Uh... Yes we do. and I would like to try some food."

    "This way please, I hope you like starring at a Fleet of Geth Ships." "Oh I love it, its soo... Menacing." I know why is it's awkward for me but why is it for him?

    I lead him to the kitchen and open the Dextro Fridge. And pulled out a Quarian stake, made from a Gorkon and a Type of dextro whiskey. "I keep it stalk up on Dextro in case of well... Turian or Quarians coming to visit me."

    He nods and accepts the food and drink. "So what a human doing in geth space with his own station?" "I'm uh, Inventing things for them. You know for the Great War. I'm also trying to boost the Economy and War Effort."

    "And the fact that You have taken Shepards body?" I raise a hand, got up and went to get a drink of my own. It was a bottle of Ryncol. "Can you even drink that stuff?" "It's the only thing I can taste and I'll need it to tell you what I have to."

    I pop the cork, and chug some of it. I felt my Health Bar go down by 10% and gain the Drunk Effect. "Yeah that hurts goodly. Kay, Shepard is currently being rebuilt with advancements, that I and the Geth Whole have come up with."

    He stared at me like I shot his dog. "But she was... I was there when she..." He looked away for a minute. I take another 10 points in another gulp. "Is she... Aware? or Alive even?"

    I pulled up her latest check up. "She is not aware, but we have a heart beat and she is on Oxygen. Once in a while she'll flat line and we'll have to bring her back, but more often than not, her heart stays beating."

    I sent him the file and reads it. "What's Psionics?" I smirk and flick my wrist.
     
  5. Jonn Wolfe

    Jonn Wolfe (Verified Sarcastic) (Not a Wolf)

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    Unsolicited Advice:
    Having more than one person speak in the same paragraph is technically a faux pas, as it tends to confuse the readers. Try to keep them separate.​

    That said, I like where this is going. :)
     
  6. Revilokcaj666

    Revilokcaj666 Getting sticky.

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    Hey man I'm still learning of this thing we called a written language. But thanks, I could use every free advice I can get.
     
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  7. Threadmarks: 4
    Revilokcaj666

    Revilokcaj666 Getting sticky.

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    5 Months Later

    Garrus is down in his room and I'm here taking a warm shower. Once I was done I got out and saw myself in the mirror. My once Brown hair was now a Silvery White. My eyes glow with pink light.

    I look at my body and gotta say, the enhancements I've been getting have been great. Leveling up to boost my skills, wasn't too bad either. I kinda bulked up a bit, though not as big a Vega or Male Shepard.

    I get dress and head to the common rooms and fine Garrus reading an update on Shepard. "Whats the Verdict Spectre?" He looked up and for second it looked like he wasn't sure I was there.

    He blinked a few times rubbing his eyes. "She's breathing on her own, but she is still fighting to stay here." I nodded and went over to my Fridge and picked up a chicken sandwich with hot sauce.

    "She'll make it Garrus, It's Fate or worse Destiny. Hows the new sniper the Geth gave you?" He perks up for a bit and then yawns. "Or would you rather I put some coffee on for you?"

    He shakes his head, "I'll get it, and for your question, It's good though the Geth has ask if I wanted to replace my eye with an enhancement. I had to decline, the thought of them cutting into my face..."

    "And do what exactly make you even more ugly?" He scratches behind one of his fringes, "Oh... him. Look Garrus I know you were sent here to spy one me and Geth forces, But we are not going to turn you into a slave."

    He looks at you for second, then back at the coffee. He waits till it was full before he spoke. "How can you trust a race of machines knowing they could turn on you at any moment?"

    "Because they need to get off of their collective asses and do stuff that'll make them better. Even if the Galaxy at large hates them. If you look at a mirror all your life, you'll never see whats out the window.

    He nods and sits back down, He starts to read again. "I notice a Geth walk by with a bunch of nodes on it. I wanted to scan it but was afraid it'll hack my Tool."

    "That was one of the First Biotic Geth. Has enough power to match a Krogan, but with enough fineness to match a Asari Matriarch." I finish my meal and get up to do my dishes.

    He was about to say something when he turns to see a Geth with a Red Cross on it's shoulder. "Greetings your annual check up is today. Which one of you will like to go first?"

    Garrus sighs and raised his hand.

    4 Months Later

    A Krogan walks forward sneering at the Geth around her. "Your Geth Slaves do not frighten the Clan of Fornako." She stomps just up in front of me. "Why bring us here? Hm? Trophies, playthings?"

    I shake my head and turn around, heading to the med bay. "We are going to bring back the Krogan, stronger then before." You can hear the clan, no more then 35 members, follow you.

    I step aside for them to enter the room. "Many have tried, none have succeed." She practically growled that last sentence. "Why us? Clan Urdnot is the one uniting the clans."

    I pull up a seat and sit down, "Because out of every Krogan we can find on Tuchanka, You had the clearest strain of the Genophage. It's why Clan Fornako is so... Small. I wished to change that."

    A number of Geth Medics came in and led them to scanners and such. Fornako was mostly comprised of women, with the only males being the two guard that came here.

    I was given leave to head out, but I wanted to learn about Krogan Biology. From what the Data Stream says they are very evolved for warfare. DS even hints at them being a forced evolution possibly at the hands of either the Prothean or Old Machines.

    The Krogan have taken off their, quite frankly, rags. The males armor had badly patched holes, dents and just plain miss use. On the females I see burns, bites, cuts and Self inflicted Scars.

    DS suggest it was a form of self-cannibalism. The area we found them was in between multiple Radioactive Hot spots. For was scares for them for possible months on end. I walked up to the Chief.

    "What did you do with your dead? I was wondering..." She looked at me in anger and then shame. "We ate them. Bones and all." She looks away, I turn to the Nearest Geth Medic. "Make sure the get a healthy dose of actual food, Water, Beer anything."

    I nodded to the Chief and made my way to the info room. Once there, I tapped into STG Files and look for Maleon and Professor Mordin Solus. Both got hits almost instantly. Mordin is on Omega, Meleon is on the Citadel drinking.

    I sent a request to extract Meleon from his binging. While also tapping into Mordin's File on the latest Genophage. Thanks to the Specialize Geth Hackers, I was able to get the necessary raw data on the Little Bio-weapon.

    Then I looked for Warlord Okeer. On one hand he is On Korlus making a Clone Factory for the Mercs. But on the other The planet is currently being contested by a huge number of Mercenary Bands.

    From the Data I could gather is that Okeer is promising, anybody who wins, an Army of Krogan. The only gang not there is Blood Pack. Seeing that They are mostly a Krogan Gang.

    I sent another request to extract the Warlord. I stood there thinking on what to do next, when a mission report came in. I tap it and it opened.

    Three Relays have been determined to be the 'Back Door' to the Galaxy. Old Machines will mostly have to travel and extra three years to get to the closest one after. The so called Alpha Relay is the main Road to the Galaxy at large.

    Orders?

    I knew the Colony in the Alpha's Region but was there others...? I looked up any and all information I could. I saw the Mid range Relay was in fact supporting a Hidden Shipyard. The Hegemony is Building more Dreadnoughts then allowed.

    The Farthest one however was just a stopping point. I gave the order..

    Orders are as followed.
    Relays must be destroyed by any means possible.
    If at possible both the Shipyard and the Colony will have ample warning before the Relay's are gone.
    Stealth is a main factor of this operation. If seen, witnesses must be dealt with.
    Zulu-Foxtrot-Charlie-33Z81

    I sent the message back and felt just that much heavier...
     
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  8. Cyrus2

    Cyrus2 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Butterflies, I’m looking forward to all the little butterflies, this was a great chapter.
     
  9. Revilokcaj666

    Revilokcaj666 Getting sticky.

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2019
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    Thank you it's nice to hear(read) that. :D
     
  10. Dur'id the Druid

    Dur'id the Druid Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2019
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    I have just two critiques of this story, and they are big ones that ruins everything. First, it reads like a bullet point presentation. It's just a sequence of events that are presented then we move on to the next event. There is little story connecting the events, no emotion, no drama, and no depth of character. And second critique is that the main character is a massive Mary Stu and that is the only defining trait about him.
     
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