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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. PDV

    PDV Revelation That Uncertainty Is Itself An Answer

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    It comes from the eyes. That's not a Love Me Beam, it's a Care Bear Stare.
     
  2. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    Actually True Grayven is much younger, due to time travel.
     
  3. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    Have a bookmarklet that works on both sites:
    Code:
    javascript:!function(){function e(){for(var e=document.getElementsByTagName("span"),t=0;t<e.length;t++)span=e[t],"transparent"==span.style.color.toLowerCase()%26%26(span.className+=" invisitext",span.style.color=null)}function t(){var e=document.createElement("style");css=".invisitext { border: 1px dotted red; padding: 2px; color: transparent; background: black }",css+=".invisitext:hover { color: white }",e.textContent=css,document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(e)}function n(){t(),e()}n()}();

    Hard disagree. The Renegade has been making an active point of defining Conquest in terms of creating alliances with himself in charge and the power of willing subordinates extending his own, instead of defining it in terms of creating a dominion with only himself able to exercise power.

    He does need to make sure he's physically fit to be in that position, though. He needs to make sure that he isn't the weak link in his organization.
     
    boo600, Vorian, kerleth and 2 others like this.
  4. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    While the Renegade is far older than a calendar would suggest, no age has been given for Grayven 16.
     
  5. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    Grayven 16 was there when Darkseid made his deal with Vandal Savage which was in the year 1227 or before.

    While Zoat differed from YJ canon in that Vandal here wasn't Genghis Khan, there's no reason for particular Zoat to make Gravyen younger.
     
    ChestBurster likes this.
  6. AmericanNumbers

    AmericanNumbers Not too sore, are you?

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    Renegade spent a very long time in the land at summer's end.
    And as someone mentioned? Renegade is about conquest by subtle means.
     
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  7. Ciber

    Ciber Know what you're doing yet?

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    I was kinda hoping for the power of friendship to win the day...
     
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  8. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    I don't think Zoat will be using elements from season 3, not just the whole Genghis Khan thing.
     
    DAT_NOOB and Ardy like this.
  9. Otto von Saurion

    Otto von Saurion Father of Wetlands

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    Broken quote. Added a quotation mark so you would see what I see, rather than it breaking in mine as well.
     
    Chojin Patriarch likes this.
  10. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Thanks, fixed it. Must have been too enthusiastic trimming dead lines...
     
  11. Threadmarks: Veganism (part 22)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    1st September 2012
    16:07 GMT


    Worlds… Chained.

    That's what I want. What I need. Why using the Orrery felt so natural, and why I could find it where these primitives could not. Some ancient god built this mechanism to more easily control its creation, and now it is mine. Arms connecting orbs which both represent worlds and in some sense are those worlds. Bound together by a single will.

    I'm not Darkseid. I don't want other people to be part of me. I want them subservient. I don't want to look upon my creation and feel fear at the sight of my reflection. I want to look upon my creation and see the ordered universe set in motion at my will. I want to feel satisfaction and the elegance and efficiency.

    Apokolips was a pit. The more I saw of it, the more I hated it. Which was undoubtably why Father made a point of showing so much of it to me.

    "How did-?"

    The pretender's agent looks stunned, and without him interfering… I can dimly feel her, their relationship… Not an agent. I think he… Is this..? Love? I have no direct experience with it, but their bond is clearly not the domitor-subservient relationship that I'm used to.

    I walk slowly towards her feeling out the hole in her metaphysique left by the pretender's absence. She feels strong, and their relationship stable. She can't be a Fury; Granny would never allow one not emotionally stunted to be deployed with a New God of any significance. Where is she from?

    "He was inferior. He no longer exists."

    I must discover for certain what happened, but it is not of primary importance. And I will do that alone-

    Ping.

    -and not-.

    I look down at my waist, where a Mother Box is attached to my belt. His Mother Box, but from the feel of its spirit it will work for me just as well.

    Puzzling.

    I do.. not remember any instances of one New God killing another of the same nature and having anything like this happen. The orange avaricious light of his power ring interacted in some way with the Omega Force residing within my soul.

    "No! That can't-. I can still feel him!"

    "You feel me. Our metaphysiques are near identical. I am not sure what your bond was, but-" Sinthia readies herself for action, but I still her with a gesture. "-I will soon occupy his place in your life."

    Her initial horror fades a little as the shock wears off.

    "What's this-" Her eyes flick for a moment to the Orrery. "-thing for?"

    "Controlling the Vega systems. You are aware that it is not a natural formation."

    "Too many systems too close together, and too many habitable planets. And then there's the moat."

    "Just so. Some ancient species arranged things so, and this is a relic of their work."

    Though now that the pretender is dead, the destruction of his nascent empire in Vega is no longer necessary. Indeed, it may be counterproductive, especially if the Controllers take advantage of the situation in order to take full possession of the Orange Central Power Battery. By My Will, Be Still.

    The Orrery responds, the movement of the arms and the spinning of the spheres slowing. I will rearrange the interior later when I have their compliance.

    I feel the comparative lack of resistance due to the pretender's absence. A moment more and I.. connect to what he built. The patterns of devotion and loyalty. Strange, but still compatible.

    "How old are we talking here?"

    "My Father did not yet rule Apokolips. Sinthia, fetch the queen. She has an accord to confirm."

    "Yes, my lord."

    Sinthia leaves, the space around the Orrery itself distorting as the device makes an allowance for an object that has no equivalent in the Vega Systems themselves.

    "Sending your bodyguard away." She raises her bow slightly to remind me of its presence. "Risky move."

    "Not really. Your love for the pretender is now mine. Your soul and mine are meshing even now. Soon, you will not be able to separate us in your mind. Even now, you hesitate."

    "You're not him." She frowns. "Or… Where did his body go, anyway?"

    The disadvantage of strong servants is that they're not weak. A Fury would bow at once, but she maintains a sense of herself. Since she has, I suspect that an honest answer would serve me best. It is what she would have received from the pretender.

    "I do not know."

    "You kinda look like him."

    "He was pretending to be me. Naturally, he would look like me."

    "No, it's more than that. Your armour's more like his than it was a moment ago, and the bits of your face where you got hurt… I think they're his."

    She believes that we have merged? I know of no records of that occurring, but only Father and myself have used the Omega Force. I truly do not know what could occur when two New Gods with the same God Name are involved. Given how closely he copied me, it is entirely plausible that he could have integrated it as I have.

    "And you've got his Mother Box and his rings. Shame about the personality."

    No, more than that, I appear to have acquired his ridiculous sword as well. And his rings. Could-?

    Lantern Grayven, I would appreciate an-.
    Clothing Is To Be Worn, Not Heard.
    "What exactly is the difference between him and you?"

    "I won. My fleet is stronger, my planning better, my metaphysique more potent."

    "Yeah, but in terms of what you want to do. If you want me to work for you, I'm gunna need to know that stuff."

    "You do not. You need to know how to obey."

    "Sure, you're all about being in charge, but I'm gunna have to decide things on my own sometimes, right?"

    Not unreasonable. I have chosen to leave many gordanian social structures intact simply due to efficiency concerns, and it is helpful that I can predict their actions based on those habits.

    "From what I have learned, I am more authoritarian. I do not tolerate alternate sources of authority in my domain. No lesser kings, no nobles with hereditary titles and no democracy. Authority flows from-"
    Hunter's Eyes.
    "-me."

    Something about that made me less able to feel her, and her expression is changing.

    "Thanks. 'cause now I look real close, I can see the differences."

    "Good. That will be helpful-."
    Arrow Of Collegiality.
    There's an arrow in my chest, and… Total autocracy is impractical in an empire of any size, what was I-?

    "And that tells me where to shoot."
    Arrow Of Fellowship.
    Another in my arm. She's bypassing my armour. Ring, obey me!

    I think not.

    I stare-. No, this is Artemis, I'm not going to-.
    Arrow Of Diplomacy.
    An arrow appears in my left leg as I run towards her.

    "Grayven was kind of an ass, but he was better-"
    Arrow Of Uplift.
    "-than-"
    Arrow Of Self-Depreciation.
    "-you."
    Arrow Of Humor.
    NO-!
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2021
  12. Coltsguy

    Coltsguy Colts fan. Anime fan. Breast and back fan.

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    It took me a minute, but the god speak was her using the Rainbow Arrows of Equestria, essentially.
     
  13. BlueMangoAdea

    BlueMangoAdea Alive. For now.

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    Grayven.exe has stopped working.
     
  14. hance1986

    hance1986 A pitiful excuse for a man.

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    She's shooting personality traits at him. That's hilarious. It feels like what she's shooting is bolstering Renegade Paul to give him the advantage. Handholds to use and focus on to climb to the top.
     
  15. Otto von Saurion

    Otto von Saurion Father of Wetlands

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    YES!
     
  16. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    And the Godspeech continues.
    (Took some doing, with all that character flowing in...)
    (And ninja'd! Make your choice.)
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2021
  17. yingyang590

    yingyang590 Getting out there.

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    Nice to see that the orbital friendship cannon has been made portable.
     
  18. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    than was -> than it was
    Damn, I was hoping for a sick burn in god-speech to go with the verbal component.

    OMG, so much god-speech at the end... She's shooting him with our Grayven's values?!? Zoat, you are amazing! This is far, far beyond my expectations.
     
  19. Mastigos2

    Mastigos2 Versed in the lewd.

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    I love how as soon as he gets the memories to understand it, his opinions on the Sword go from "you are ridiculous for having this" to "this thing is bullshit"
     
  20. hance1986

    hance1986 A pitiful excuse for a man.

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    ' tells '
     
  21. Alasnuyo

    Alasnuyo I am always here

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    Heh. He who stands alone falls alone. In this respect, Renegade far outclasses Grayven-16. Renegade has actual friends, allies and peers who'll aid him unasked for. Grayven-16 has none.
     
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  22. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    So Paragon!Paul died and dispersed, becoming one with the Orange Light. He became more of everything.

    Renegade!Paul died and concentrated, merging with his alternate. He became more of himself.

    How fitting. Very well written, Zoat.
     
  23. Whenever Possible

    Whenever Possible Versed in the lewd.

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    Is "uplift" the "magic" equivalent for the Elements of Grayven?
     
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  24. Dakkan Sall

    Dakkan Sall Random Encounter

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    Not sure exactly how this bit should go. "than how yours was before"?
    "GrayvenOS is undergoing a required update. Please do not turn off or unplug your New God until the update is complete."
     
  25. PDV

    PDV Revelation That Uncertainty Is Itself An Answer

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    "Hello, Desaad, have you tried turning your soul off and on again?"
     
  26. Otto von Saurion

    Otto von Saurion Father of Wetlands

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    I have to say, I really prefer your version. Much more colourful. Kinda fiddly to get all the colours matching, though.

    Also, Mr. Zoat, correction in red, inside the quote.
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2021
  27. Nervaqus987

    Nervaqus987 Well worn.

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    I wonder if Renegade is gonna have access to the Omega Force now that he's apparently eaten original Grayven.
     
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  28. Otto von Saurion

    Otto von Saurion Father of Wetlands

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    Correction: REALLY fiddly. How the hell did I get the background colour changed? EDIT: Oh, I see now. EDIT: WHY!?
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2021
  29. Ciber

    Ciber Know what you're doing yet?

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    The power of friendship compels you.
    ThE pOwEr Of FrIeNdShIp CoMpElS yOu!

    Has Artemis met Luna yet?
    When will Artemis(New God) meet Artemis(Old God)? They gonna have a cat fight. With actual cats. Big ones.
     
  30. AmericanNumbers

    AmericanNumbers Not too sore, are you?

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    The fact that Artemis had those?
    Subtlety.
    Lol.
    So basically the Elements of Harmony are the Anti-Anti-Life.

    And it looks like Grayven 16 isn't gonna survive exposure.
     
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