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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. jasonh23761

    jasonh23761 Not too sore, are you?

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    Huh, now that was pretty interesting. Even with the casualties and battle damage, this is a definite win and expansion for Grayven.

    On an amusing note, I kept reading Grayven as McGrayven because I'd just woken up when I read this initially.
     
  2. lancelot

    lancelot Grand High Poobah

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    Strange that Renegade Paul is less prone to LARPing like idiot after taking Grayven, but an overall improvement. Hopefully he stays like this instead of continuing to try to fit an ill fitting mold. Maybe try to master some form of combat at some point instead of trying to brute force everything, again like an idiot.
     
  3. Vanbers

    Vanbers Well worn.

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    The tagline for the Renegade storyline can really just be summed up by: "When 'Fake it till you make it' gets taken too far", can't it?

    I love it. About time he came clean, and having other people know might avert other things. Not that I know what those ARE, but, y'know, weird New God bullshit, or something.

    Also, just wanna say I really like the multiple storylines going. That is, renegade, warhams, regular, etc. Really gives the entire story a 'comic book' feel, with each iteration of Paul being a different run, or something. Really adds to how the story feels to read, imo. Probably been mentioned before, but there's multiple thousands of pages to check for that, sooooo...
     
  4. Sockmonkey

    Sockmonkey I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Apparently he's now the New God of nitpicky grammar.

    How much of his previous Grayven "memories" were installed by Father Box, and how much, if any, were actual supernatural bullshit bleed-through from original Grayven?
     
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  5. AmericanNumbers

    AmericanNumbers Not too sore, are you?

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    Nice subtle parallel with, ummm, Harmony Grayven being very reluctant to randomly kill all the gordians versus Paragon.

    It's really fascinating to watch Renegade continue to break thru the molds imposed by the Anti Life and his God nature. I've been thinking for a while if that whole cutie mark is a parasite and a limiter applies in a weird mirror way to whatever Darkseid is plotting.

    It would fit that Darkseid resents the Anti Life and his nature from subverting his Free Will and he's looking (thru Renegade) for a way out. I'm not implying he's reformed just external control would annoy him. So having Renegade evolve his nature and subsume the Anti Life and the Omega effect would be something he might want.

    Just a great use of the Fourth World and My Little Pony mythos.

    And I just read that sentence back. Lol.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2021
  6. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    There was no soul to soul combat, so it's the second.

    So congratulations, we went from following a Paul that mind fucked himself into thinking he's Grayven, to a Graven that was mind fucked into thinking he used to be Paul.


    Now lets hope the Empress has absolutely zero understanding of astronomy so she doesn't call him on this bit of utter idiocy.
     
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  7. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    He was just hit with some serious mind altering magic so he may not be able to control certain parts of himself.

    Though I'm not sure if he'll come clean to other people, or just Artemis.

    Like I mentioned previously, he kinda had the same problem that Astarte had.

    He lacked opponents that were his equals.

    Most of the people he's fought are weaker than him, so taking them down was fairly easy.

    There have been occasions where some could equal or surpass him in power, but he usually managed to either trick them in order to win, or he had superior weapons, backup or just plain luck.

    Also the fact that most Paul's seem to dislike doing physical work and his lack of training, or well serious training, that has hurt him in physical engagements.

    He is British so I guess it's a given.
     
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  8. egooo

    egooo Getting sticky.

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    Okay, argument this claim, will you?

    Saying "he forgot about space radiation" is all fine and well, but you have to provide the actual numbers yourself to be taken seriously.
     
  9. Fouredged

    Fouredged Experienced.

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    This is QQ. Two large burly men made eye contact a little too hard and then one of them ended up riding the other hard. It looks like it's going to lead to a lifetime commitment.
     
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  10. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    The energy released by Nova's aren't multiplicative, and they have a roughly solar-system ranged death radius on a good day.

    So they are basically just a threat to stuff in Vega, and that ship should have already sailed when Grayven smashed those four suns together.

    Heck, even Supernova don't have a 100ly death radius.
     
  11. egooo

    egooo Getting sticky.

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    Okay, this is more reasonable as a critique.

    Please, keep to this sort in the future, it is objectively more useful for both the author (he may ot may not have you blocked, fucked if I know) and the thread overall, than the unsourced screeching.
     
  12. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    No, that works as it is.
     
  13. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    You're asking Vaermina to provide evidence for things and use reasonable arguments.

    Yours frankly asking for too much.

    Zoat has Vaermina blocked.

    Unsourced screeching is practically 99.9% of what Vaermina does.
     
  14. Dur'id the Druid

    Dur'id the Druid Know what you're doing yet?

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    And now renegade has meta physically eaten the other Grayven. Does anyone remember the 'no mantels or godheads in this story' zoat was declaring not so long ago? If this isn't that, WHAT THE HECK DO WE CALL THIS??? ;p
     
  15. egooo

    egooo Getting sticky.

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    Hereby I propose naming the concept "the Grayvening" :V
     
  16. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    There can only be one!
     
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  17. yingyang590

    yingyang590 Getting out there.

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    Sintra was there when they fought, wouldn't she be suspicious that a corpse suddenly appeared given the Omega Effect disentigrates anything it touches.
     
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  18. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    As far as we know he ate one Grayven and then another Grayven ate him and got brainwashed into thinking he is the one who is Zoat SI.

    Even the reaction to saying Paul, if he has that, could be something he got from the SI, save word of Zoat we will never know.
     
  19. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    I've always assumed the memories were all Fatherbox.

    If giving someone the same soul structure entitled someone to share memories, then shouldn't Renegade have gotten all of his memories?

    Plus in the comics Fatherbox was playing Orion for a fool.
     
  20. transhumansage

    transhumansage Versed in the lewd.

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    so zoat, whats the final verdict? is it the first or the second? this is important, if you dont mind.
     
  21. BlueMangoAdea

    BlueMangoAdea Alive. For now.

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    Expected answer. “He does not know.”
     
  22. NightmareWarden

    NightmareWarden Versed in the lewd.

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    I reckon Renegade-Paul started to dissolve into the Source due to classic-Grayven’s omega beam, Grayven’s divine portfolio absorbing Renegade-Paul’s, and Renegade’s mortal wounds.

    But. Renegade-Paul pulled HARD on the Orange Light. Possibly hard enough to tickle the Ophidian in renegade’s power battery. The omega beam ended up hurting classic-Grayven more than Paul, hence why we don’t have two Grayven bodies. Which allowed Renegade-Paul to clog the throat of classic Grayven’s soul long enough for Artemis to interrupt the process.

    So we have seen Kara’s mental difficulties this episode. Now Renegade-Paul is getting his second arc about mental health (third if you count wrangling an anti-life fragment and stuff on Wilson separately). I think… that Grayven is going to somewhat step back from combat after this. He’ll take a lesser role in the war with the reach. Grayven will start searching for stuff like DC-meditation in order to bolster his mind, increase his soul-voice’s finesse (to dodge attacks rather than tank them) rather than raw power, and revaluate if he wants to keep being Grayven, God of Conquest at all. If he can survive it, sanity intact, with a family.
     
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  23. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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  24. BlueMangoAdea

    BlueMangoAdea Alive. For now.

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  25. Zig

    Zig Not too sore, are you?

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    With New Gods involved, the answer is probably "a little from column A a little from column B"
     
  26. Bud-E

    Bud-E Stand up so I can push you down!

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    Wait one Grayven just ate the other and this chapter is a play on "Veganism". Huh I feel dumb for just figuring that out.
     
  27. Threadmarks: Veganism (part 24)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    1st September 2012
    16:23 GMT


    "Good." I nod to Artemis as Queen Clryssa signs the paper that we'll be tearing up as soon as I've had time to re-crew the Absolute Dominion. "Convey this to the pretender's followers. If they will abide by it, the truce will begin as soon as knowledge of it can be communicated to my captains."

    "Yes, Lord Grayven."
    It feels so wrong to hear her say it like that. I know it's just a scheme but it shouldn't be happening!
    The hush tube makes no noise as it opens, and Sinthia looks mildly curious as Artemis appears to vanish into thin air. Right. Grayven wouldn't-.

    A flash of memory, the techniques he used for gathering information. Advanced scouts in ships designed to fit in with mercenary crowds more or less just asking around. Asking governments about work in what appears to have effectively been an upgraded phishing scam, telling them where there might be bribable defenders or weak points. Looking around in a mildly suspicious but in-character sort of way. Beyond that, he relied on the astonishingly good sensors on the Absolute Dominion and boom tubed commandoes.

    Not a master of covert operations. In fact, I'd rate-.

    For one horrible moment I can't distinguish between the two sets of memories. Like there aren't two distinct sets, and I'm forced to think about every single one before I know whether it started as mine or not. I don't let it show on my face, not with his allies present. But I'm going to need to talk to someone about that.

    From what Grayven learned, the Orrery was created by angelic-looking creatures as a tool for controlling the Vega Systems. Supposedly, they hid it here when Larfleeze started fighting them, which… Might explain why he thought it was a good idea to bring the Orange Central Power Battery here when on the run from the Guardians. They might consider a thief to be beneath their notice, but an intrusion from creatures like the Guardians would be more likely to provoke a response.

    Its very existence is an existential threat to everything in Vega. I'd like to move it, but I don't know if I can risk it. Leaving it here -particularly when the queen is likely to be quite angry with me- isn't something I really want to do.

    But here's the problem. Grayven kept Sinthia around him most of the time. He wouldn't leave her to guard something like this. Ovula and Muliebria would be treated like that, but they lack the discipline to make good guards and neither of them were the brains of the outfit. They might play with it, or be distracted if Gavyn broke in and did something regrettable to it.

    Hang on, didn't Komand'r say something about Thanagarian mercenaries..? Yes, from both sets of memories. The Blades of Alstair. Floraphiles then, but it's not like I wanted good relations with Thanagar. Ring, send them a message.

    By your command.

    "Ace." Again, I don't visibly wince. "Remain here until relieved. Study the artefact but take no chances. I would not have my prize destroyed."

    "Yes, Lord Grayven." **You can do this, Daddy.**

    **I hope you're right.**

    Because I'm going to be surrounded by people with no reason to wish me well. If Grayven had had the time to turn Sinthia into a New God, or if his relations with Father were good enough-. With Darkseid were good enough to ask for an assistant, this would… Not be going well.

    And that's without worrying about what he's going to make of this.

    Mother Box.

    Ping.

    "With me, all of you."

    I walk through the hush tube, appearing on the bridge of the Absolute Dominion. No one took my s-. His station… My station during my absence, but the ranking officer makes a gesture of acquiescence as he sees me. Sinthia follows as I resume my station, the ship easily accepting my return as it feeds information to my metaphysique. I don't say anything out loud, I merely will it so and the transmission systems ready themselves to relay the queen's message.

    Sinthia comes through the hush tube next, followed by the queen and the zamarons. I smile as I point to the spot the queen will be using to make the broadcast, while Sinthia resumes the executive officer station and the other two take something approximating guard stations. I wait until the queen is standing exactly where I told her to before entering the area and activating the privacy screen.

    Sinestro.

    There are limits to what I can do where New God technology is concerned. But I believe that the screen is functioning as directed.

    Thank you.

    You're welcome. It is… Good to have you back.

    I position myself so that the bulk of my body blocks the view of the queen's mouth from the rest of the bridge.

    "Okay, it should be safe-."

    "I am not happy about this."

    "No one's happy about this. If you've got a better idea for resolving this with fewer casualties, then I'm all ears. I'm the one giving up worlds that would have been colonised by the tamaraneans."

    "You're obliging me to let my enemies go, to let them destroy our ships and military instillations without recompense!"

    Her body posture doesn't change, and her facial expression only changes as much as it needs to in order to add proper vehemence to her words.

    "Without Grayven they can't use this ship at anything like full effectiveness, but I'm running on fumes myself and their fleet is more than powerful enough to destroy every city on Kranaltine. This isn't a surrender; this is manipulating an enemy into giving up an advantageous position." I give her a moment to think. "We can try fighting it out if you really want, but your people will suffer a lot more."

    "He came here for you."

    "Actually, no. I mean, he wanted me dead, but his plan was to marry you and use the Crown Imperium as the starting point for his galactic empire. It being far easier to usurp an existing power hierarchy than to create a new one."

    Queen Clryssa is not an attractive woman, physically, mentally or spiritually. Given that her sole claim to power is being the oldest child of the previous monarch I imagine that Grayven's god powers would have reduced her to an ornamental heir factory before too long. I actually feel-. Sympathy. Not for her -if you can't make something of your life with all of the advantage she had, there's really no hope for you- but for him. I'd hate being married to someone like that, and I think at this point I'm half him.

    "Also, he had a reserve fleet of cannibals ready to depopulate the region in case his plan didn't work out. I went and dealt with them first, but we're going to be settling them too."

    "What will you tell them?"

    "That you surrendered and that we're going to be building our population and industrial base before we do anything else. And that since everyone's swearing allegiance to me there's no point in further fighting. That'll maintain the peace until I've sounded a few people out about the truth." I pause. I'd like to shrug, but that's an un-Grayven-like gesture. "Or I use my telepathic servants and innate magics to change how they feel about it and then tell them. Once the shooting stops a plethora of options become available." I pause again. "Or we can try fighting. Mother Box, casualty projections?"

    "Ping."

    "Quite. Well?"

    She hesitates, then nods. "I am ready."

    "Go ahead." Hear Us.

    "Nobles and soldiers of the Crown Imperium. We have peace."
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2021
  28. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Nice to see that you're douchiness hasn't increased with the extra Grayven you took in.

    So paragon wasn't the only one that is mind whammied anymore.

    'by angelic'

    Oh yeah, Larfleeze ripped off Invictus's wings.

    I don't think that would have been possible, what with her being Tamaranean.

    Though he apparently gave her a power ring.

    'worrying'

    Ohh, Sinestro.

    'so that'

    I think he came for you first and only later on chose to do everything else.
     
  29. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    The G-Gnomes have experience with...sculpting minds, don't they? They should be able to ensure a clear seperation between minds and memories.

    I'm not sure if another Harmony blast might help, but worth a try?

    Luna can do mind magic as well...
     
  30. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    And, ideally, she'll let them know the real plan, so as to head off the League haring off to punch 'Grayven' into submission. That would be quite the monkey wrench thrown into the works, certainly.

    Just claim you took access codes for it from the 'pretender' upon his defeat. She's blindly loyal enough to swallow that, hopefully.

    Surprisingly sneaky, but then, it is intelligence gathering, not the full-frontal assault that would follow. And digging out potential collaborators is always a good idea. Once you've taken over, you can have them killed for 'disloyalty'.

    Yes, you should. This is something you really don't want to let go on for long.

    As a reminder: Invictus. A surprising use of New 52 ideas for Mr Zoat. Still, it does make for a useful canon-welding option.

    Since there's still a few stars that need to be put back where they rightfully should be, after all. Assuming they aren't broken beyond repair.

    Which would be Paragonverse's Lantern Dul's group, yes? Doubt they'll be quite as congenial as they were there, though.

    At least Grayven had few if any telepaths in his service. That'll make it easier for him to re-educate the invading forces.

    Well, be thankful they're not, then. Perhaps you had a hand in that, with your whole distraction.

    "That's a bridge to cross when we come to it." Indeed, He may well decide you've earned another piece of Anti-Life. At least this time you've got an easy way to remove it quickly.

    Excellent. Once he cleans things out, he'll have a nice, shiny new toy to fool around with. And an even bigger stick to perform Diplomancy with.

    Ah, Ringnestro, you devil, you. Smart enough to keep quiet when you have to. Wonder what he thinks of Sinthia's ring existing?

    A feeling much echoed by many among us. Brief as his absence was...

    You don't have to be happy, dear. Indeed, it'll make your performance all the more convincing. Worry about having your ruffled feathers soothed when you're not standing in the heart of the enemy's power.

    Ships and buildings can be rebuilt. People are just a bit harder to put back together. And the gordanians won't be getting off scot free, if the Renegade has any say in matters.

    Exactly. Better to bow and live briefly under the boot, than to have it stomp down until you break...

    And lessen his dependence on the less-than-reliable gordanians, eh?

    Yes, she's no Luna. Though I doubt the thing with the alicorn is all that serious yet. Heh. Imagine what Grayven-16 would have thought if he'd learned of it?

    Why tell them anything? Let Diana handle it. Assuming she doesn't do what she did in the comics and leave them unsupervised... But then, Orange Lanterns as neighbours might convince them to play nice.

    At least you don't have to meet the 'agreement' Grayven came to with Astarte. I doubt anyone would want you and her... :confused: Nope.

    "Yes, it would be messy for all involved..." At least Clyrssa is smart enough to realise that herself...

    Something I suspect they're thankful for, given the drubbing the gordanians were giving them...

    Well, then. Looks like it's all over bar the talking. Wonder how the Crown Imperium will remember this day? Not fondly, I suspect... And the Renegade didn't come out too badly, despite being blown to smithereens, or absorbed by Grayven, or whatever the hell happened. He might want to get that looked at by the Controllers, or try to make peaceful contact with New Genesis and let their experts get a look at things. No telling what side-effects the mixture of Human and Apokaliptian souls will have...
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2021
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