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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Cuchulin

    Cuchulin Versed in the lewd.

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    To me it seems like Blitzen may have been raised to be a National Socialist Super Functionary, but right now she mostly just wants to bond with Jay Garrick and enjoy what is more or less a busman's holiday.
     
  2. Threadmarks: Versus the Rake Men (part 6)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    21st year of the reign of King Randor I
    Season of Chill
    307th day, 16th bell


    "A mighty warrior who opposes Skeletor, and through him Hordak? And he has a sword like this one?"

    Her eyes dart for a moment to her Sword of Power, and I nod.

    "You're… Simplifying things rather a lot, but that's an essentially true summary. I will say though that it's entirely possible that he's never heard of Hordak."

    That gets a frown from Evelyn. "Never?"

    "He's not the most studious sort, and his tutors have focused on warcraft and statecraft and rather let history go hang."

    And to be fair, teaching the Crown Prince to swing a sword is a far better use of his time than having him study pre-invasion Eternia. That society will not come again, and interesting as its successes and failures are they won't have much impact on his life. The general state of He-Man's education can be deduced from his primitive attire; he's clearly from some tribe somewhere and only ever used a book to light fires.

    "They never heard-!" Adora seems genuinely incensed. "How could they be unaware of the being whose invasion brought their world to its knees?!"

    At least she's eating normal food now.

    "Because one of the things that got ravaged was the education infrastructure. And also the data storage repositories and libraries. There are records, but a people who are forced into a subsistence existence are more interested in learning how to grow enough food for them to last the winter than learning about the history of centuries ago."

    "And this 'He-Man'. He is their greatest champion?"

    "Yes. Has Hordak mentioned his fights with King D'Vann Grayskull to you at all?"

    "I was told that he was the Eternian ruler Hordak killed, though he was banished in return."

    "Accurate. There's a certain amount of evidence which suggests that the sword He-Man wields belonged to him."

    "A descendant, then?"

    Huh. I hadn't really thought about it, but… Veena was his wife, but he passed authority onto the Elders as a collective body rather than to her or any children they might have had. Did they not have children? Or did he just not set any store by hereditary succession? Regardless, the Elders lived until Keldor's insurgency, while… His children didn't? I know that Zodak literally lived through the invasion… Eternian lifespans are weird, and I don't entirely understand why.

    "Between the sword and the sheer size of the man, that seems likely."

    "He is a warrior without equal." Evelyn makes sure to make eye contact with Adora as she says it. "I've yet to see him command any sort of army and he knows nothing of magic, but his sheer physical power makes enemies and obstacles alike a trivial inconvenience."

    "Hordak would overcome him as he did his ancestor."

    "Hordak isn't here. Are you his equal in might or intellect?"

    Adora looks mildly surprised, then shakes her head. "No."

    "Then you realise that attacking him yourself would be a fool's errand. So you must decide what you want to do. I know the location of the temple Skeletor used to contact Hordak."

    "Is it near to here?"

    "No. Travelling there would take several days, and require us to avoid detection. Alternately, we could disguise ourselves and conduct covert reconnaissance on the city of Eternos."

    "Are you not known to them?"

    Evelyn rises from her chair and waves her now-glowing staff in a circle. Purple mist billows around her for a moment, then disperses to reveal her altered form. Her turquoise and bronze outfit has been replaced by something in green with a red cloak, and the structure of her face has changed enough to render her unrecognisable.

    "Not like this."

    She's changed her voice as well. Her expression is pretty recognisable, and I wish we had some way of communicating without Adora overhearing because I.. don't really know where she's going with this. Taking Adora into Eternos puts her close to their army, the Masters and her natural parents. With overwhelming power available, detaining her by force would be a good deal easier, but I'm not sure how that actually helps bring her over to our side. I don’t at all remember how it was managed in the original animated series, which is annoying because I'm fairly sure that.. my.. cousin..? Owned the book version of the story.

    I nod. "Anyone can wear a hooded cloak. If I leave the staff behind I'm not immediately recognisable. And you would not be known at all."

    "They would not recognise my helmet? Surely there are some scholars amongst them?"

    Evelyn nods. "You would have to change into something that would fit it. I'm sure that I can conjure something appropriate."

    Getting her to take off her armour. And she can't carry the sword with her, so that stays here and we don’t need to worry about 'She-Woman' appearing by accident.

    "Something I can wear over my armour?"

    "The citizens of Eternos do not habitually wear armour. Those that do do not wear armour that looks like that. It's far too advanced."

    "Too advanced? How primitive are these people?"

    I perk up slightly. "Soldiers in most places are limited to armour made of steel plates. More advanced armour is available in a very small number of places new, or as valuable heirlooms handed down from before the invasion. I… Suppose we could paint it a different colour, if-"

    "No."

    "-you could accept that. Hordak heraldry hasn't changed in the intervening period. You might be able to get away with it at some sort of fancy dress party-"

    "No."

    "-but otherwise I'm afraid that it wouldn't work. If you don't want something conjured, there… May be something in your size in this castle?"

    Adora nods uncertainly. "I could gather useful intelligence and take it back to Hordak once Shadow Weaver opens the portal once more."

    Evelyn nods. "Or perhaps we could travel to Hordak's temple once we are more certain of the disposition of our enemies."

    Adora nods. "Agreed."

    I raise my right hand and think hard about a book on modern Eternian customs-.

    A book flies from a book case and slams into my hand. I take a quick look at the cover -Diary of a Journeyman- and offer it to Adora.

    "This should give you some idea of how Eternian society works. Evil-Lyn and I can go and look for some clothing while you read it."

    She takes it, and I stand and follow Evelyn out of the library. I close and sneck the door behind us.

    "So what are you planning?"

    She looks down, looking at the lock for her staff.

    "So what are you planning?"

    "Get her to disarm herself, take her to Eternos… Hope that she works out that she's Adora for herself without us needing to tell her so that it's more convincing."

    She smiles. "Precisely. Perhaps we could even deny it to make it more convincing?"

    "I'm not sure-. I can't leave the castle entirely unattended. You can't go out unsupervised, and-."

    "Even with the princess of Eternia?"

    "Especially with her."

    "Then I suppose that I will simply have to stay here. With the Sword of Power. And since no one else is available-."

    Oh no.

    "I have to transfer the power to you." Damn it. "Go and find her some clothes while I try working out how to modify the geas so that Teela Na won't put one on me when she finds out about this."
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2022
  3. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Remove the " in the middle.

    Unless she just wants Adora to be captured and turning her to the light side is something she's not sll that interested in.

    'while you read'
     
  4. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    I'm genuinely uncertain how this is all going to play out. Props to Mr Zoat for getting us invested in this side-story despite the minimal amount of information and exposure to this version of Paul.
     
  5. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  6. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Well, it does change shape slightly when he's transformed, as far as I understand. But it would be noticeable if someone saw you with a copy of Prince Adam's sword. I doubt it's known as anything but an heirloom, is it?

    You've presumably met Prince Adam. Can you see him paying attention to history lessons?

    Which does make for an effective disguise. If not the warmest outfit. Good thing he's preternaturally tough, or cold weather might be awkward.

    And not even noticing she's doing it, I bet. Better not let her gorge herself, though. While it might be easy to clean up the resulting mess, it's still annoying.

    Yes, depressing, isn't it? Still, he's popular, he's good at what he does, and he's not ambitious enough to want power for its own sake.

    Technically true. But as with so much of that era, grossly under-detailed.

    Well spotted. Even they don't know that yet, do they?

    A function of magical power, perhaps. Or some manner of life-extension spell. Maybe once you reach a certain level of mystical power, aging just stops for you...

    Not inaccurate. King Grayskull looked about seven and a half feet tall. He was also about twice as wide as his wife... And He-Man isn't far behind.

    At least she's aware of her limitations. Then again, she's probably been raised to consider Hordak to be a god, or as close to one as it gets.

    Near enough that Keldor and Evil-Lyn managed to get there while his face was melting off...

    Girl, please. A good sorcerer learns at least one transformative spell before they even finish their apprenticeship.

    Nice. Interesting to see the visual update compared to this.

    Which probably didn't have the best resemblance to the animated feature. Just as the mini-comics packaged with the action figures were. Early MotU 'canon' was patchy at best.

    Heh. Good way to make her leave the armour behind.

    Unfortunately, she might have objections to doing so.

    Unless it's largely decorative, or they actually work as part of the city guards.

    I bet you're very eager to assemble some manner of working, reproducible armour for yourself, aren't you, Lantern?

    It's a good night for it. I'm sure there's some masked balls in progress somewhere in the city.

    I swear, if she ends up in a red leotard with white sleeves... :p

    Not that they'll go that far, I hope.

    Handy ability for looking stuff up. Though I bet it isn't too smart. Anything particularly esoteric might be harder to find.

    Which says a lot about how willing 'Despara's' become to trust you.

    Now, now, that was just in case.

    Maybe introduce her to Prince Adam, and let her pick up one their resemblance...

    ...Oh, the Sorceress is really going to be pissed, isn't she?

    Especially while she hasn't cottoned onto that yet. Still loyal to Hordak, after all.

    ...Lantern, you'll be lucky if she lets you keep a human form after this...

    Well, given all the narrative conveniences Eternia seems to run on, this is going to go smashingly. Either it'll succeed beyond their wildest dreams... Or all hell will break loose. Either way, you are both going to be getting a very long talking to from the Sorceress once she's back in charge. Let's hope that's all she does to you...
     
  7. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    To be fair some of the main Snake in a meat puppet body stories are a tad boring. Is hard to get invested in a story with a killer with magic guns when we know Oh El has been rejected by both Heaven and Hell and has an an out of Tartarus free card.

    Hell doesn't want him back because that would mean a Greed Demon with the patronage of the Snake itself and Heaven can't get him anymore without getting into a holy war with the Greek Gods.
     
  8. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    fools -> fool's
     
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  9. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  10. BR549

    BR549 This is filth! FILTH!!

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    If "they might die!" is the main criterion for investment in a story, then something is horribly wrong somewhere.
     
  11. AmericanNumbers

    AmericanNumbers Not too sore, are you?

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    Very nice job in making this Paul alternate very interesting (as well as this Evilyn and Adora). I can recognize parts of the modern He-man comics here as well as the 2002 series.
     
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  12. Wivk

    Wivk Know what you're doing yet?

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    Is there no magic spell to call for backup? It seems like there would be, and the sorceress would have taped some emergency contacts to the fridge before she left paul to house sit.
     
  13. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Yes, but she's on a date.
     
  14. Senevri

    Senevri Not too sore, are you?

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    I think these side stories are essential to give mrZoat a break, what with misses from daily schedule being statistically insignificant. I for one, don't mind even a very long excursion into a side story, as long as I can stomach the variant.
     
  15. Doccer

    Doccer I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Plants?
    I've would have made a Journey To The West joke\refference.
    Oh shiiiiiiit. You need more bodies to handle this. Call the Sorceress back. If you want any hope of her not making that Powers guy look like the best you could hope for. Otherwise there is a fire Yiu just need to decide which is worth letting burn you and Eternia with.
     
  16. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    They're these things with leaves sticking out. Usually green and brown. Some have flowers.
    What reference?
     
  17. BrotherofaStudio

    BrotherofaStudio Know what you're doing yet?

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    Whatever they do, is not going to be easy. But Paul is smart so I suspect that while things won't be prefect, they will work out, eventually.
     
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  18. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    It's not "they might die" in specific that's the criterion. It's "they might fail" or at least "there are stakes". Establishing that it's practically impossible for a character to lose removes the gravitas of many threats. Yes, obviously you don't expect the protagonist to ACTUALLY lose, but the reader should be wondering HOW they're going to avoid losing.

    Of course that isn't the only criterion for investment in a story. After all, in a story like One-Punch Man, it's clearly established that Saitama is invincible, but you can still get invested in his story -- but it works because it's not a story that uses the threat of danger to the hero as a driving force.
     
  19. PDV

    PDV Revelation That Uncertainty Is Itself An Answer

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    There's probably an "EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!" spell, but this isn't quite that. What they really need is "send a message". Something like "Person of interest appeared from Hordak's horde, successfully deceived and not aggressive, under control", and then she gets a brief interruption to her date but doesn't have to abandon it (unless she doesn't believe them). That seems subtler/more refined than magic in this setting usually is, though.

    I remember a discussion of this same subject elsewhere which brought up The Walking Dead. I don't watch the show, but as described, there's rarely if ever a threat of anyone from the main cast dying or being permanently injured. The suspense is what they'll have to sacrifice to keep them all alive and intact.
    The Illustres is sufficiently powerful and well-protected that he rarely has to sacrifice anything important to make it through the challenges that come up. Even when he went to war against all of Heaven, in the end he didn't lose all that much.
     
  20. Michael Vonica

    Michael Vonica Know what you're doing yet?

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    I don't care much for stories where the focus of the conflict is the cost of overcoming it. Although some sacrifice and strife can still be appreciated. I much prefer a story where the question is about what can be gained or achieved by overcoming a conflict. In terms of the war against Heaven, that conflict was used to push Diana's abilities, make connections and deals with the Host, and improve Mammon's position in hell. It also provided some insight to the behind the scenes dealings that were going on, like Mr. Smiley, who is still a mystery.
     
  21. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    I would also like to know more about the other member of the Light that we haven't seen yet: Savitar. All we know is that he is building cults and giving them access to super speed, nothing more concrete.
     
  22. Wivk

    Wivk Know what you're doing yet?

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    In
    In the shitty cw live action show savitar the god of speed was just future emo barry allen in a power armor that negated the fact of his changing the past so he couldnt exist anymore. It was a pretty big let down, like the rest of the show really.
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2022
  23. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    Thankfully, as far as we can see, this Savitar is more like the comics version. I'd like to see how he compares to any of the Flashes.
     
  24. Doccer

    Doccer I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    :rolleyes:Not familiar with BO. Didn't know if he meant literally plants or the slang term for putting somebody where they can gather information for her.
    Not terribly familiar with The original Journey To The West. Didn't put much thought into it. But they are about to depart on a long journey fraught with danger (should Hordak\Skelator side recognize the 3 or Adora give away herself to He-man's side) charlatans (Adora's new companions and more likely Evelyn), that'll narratively involve much fighting and bonding and all the sidetrackedness that'll occur. Then at least 1 treacherous (Snake) mountain with a demon (Hordak) living in it who only wishes them harm and enslavement. Adora is naive as hell about the world she is in like the Buddhist in the story and Evelyn even has enchanted bindings on her to keep her agreeble to the task at hand should she act up!
    It's almost like you intentionally set up the mini Journey To The West storyline. It all but begs for an in story reference to lampshade it.
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2022
  25. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    The original Black Orchid was a mistress of disguise who may or may not be multiple people, strong, bullet proof, and could fly.

    The second and third Black Orchids were transgenic plant copies made with hybrid DNA of the original, who it turns out were Gaia's next iteration of Nymphs, who in that series were "elemental beings inspired by alternate humanities that dominate other Earths," so water nymphs of the Clear/Blue, plant nymphs of the Green, Earth nymphs of the Meld. Nymphs were meant to be shepherds not guardians, whereas Swamp Thing would be expected to unleash hell on those destroying the rainforest, a wood nymph would be expected to talk people out of it.

    The fourth Black Orchid, not likely to be included here, was a Latina soldier who lost her limbs and got her arms replaced with grafts that connected her to the Green and the Red, but since Zoat doesn't like post-flashpoint he's unlikely to reference her, but not impossible. Reminds me of Marvel's Agent Venom with Flash Thompson, actually. If there's another Amalgam event I could easily imagine Agent Orchid.

    Considering having a body count and a connection to plants, I think Crimson Avenger offed a character based on the second one- In the comics she went full on Poison Ivy and tried to become the living goddess that all must obey.
     
  26. Threadmarks: Vantavendi (part 14)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    21st October 2012
    15:04 GMT


    The Pax Romana very visibly tracks the retreating starships with its primary weapons, though it makes no move to accelerate after them. The trio of ships in question don't look anything special; small freighters with a light armament, more focused on speed than armour. None of them have any alert flags, but at the same time Marcus isn't the sort to go around picking fights. Not picking up any weapon fire and none of the ships look damaged in any way…

    Not sure what's happened there.

    "Orange Lantern Illustres to Pax Romana."

    "Alpha Centurion responding. Were they friends of yours?"

    "I have no information on those ships. Where were they flagged as coming from?"

    "Timaron. A dead world."

    "I know it. Commodore Amalak is one of my.. contacts in Vega. Useful fellow. If they're looking for more of their species I could send them his coordinates and contact details."

    "They're not. They're looking for revenge."

    "Ah."

    "Did they hear of Superman from your lips?"

    "No. That would have been an obvious mistake… But I didn't ask Koriand'r to avoid mentioning him. Or Adam Blake. Did they ask after him specifically?"

    "No. They visited the Rao system and noticed that one of the moons had moved."

    "Oh."

    "They will not be the last. Krypton was known for its technological sophistication and military might. People have tried raiding the system before."

    "And, what? They think that now someone has succeeded that must mean that the defences are off?"

    "I suspect that they reached the conclusion that surviving kryptonians must be the ones who recovered their planetoid."

    "So their plan is to visit every space-faring civilisation in the region to see who's putting them up?"

    "Or perhaps see where they have established a colony. I don’t believe that they have visited Earth, but it is possibly to decipher radio waves from the edge of a system. Superman's face is widely known. In theory, they could have heard of him over a substantial area."

    "Not easily. Assembling an actual picture or coherent speech from outside the Sol system would require huge amounts of processing power and detection equipment. That's not something that a random group of freebooters could put together. But I… Take your point."

    I look around.

    "Just the Pax out here, then?"

    "You sent your ships to the Alignment."

    "Yes, but the Russians have that launch cannon and Starfire's ship, and the US must be working on something by now. I know that someone got hold of Doctor Knight's cosmic converter technology from somewhere."

    "Disappointing, is it not?"

    "Yes. Yes, it is. I don't suppose that the virmiru are likely to pass comment?"

    "I imagine that you could get a message to them more swiftly than I could. They are a people given to making long term plans. Their emissary to this region would have left long before I began my return journey, and I have had no contact with them since."

    "I don't suppose anyone in the Alliance of the Just has a spaceship, do they?"

    "Not as far as I know. Most are 'street level', as you might say. Those that aren't usually limit their interest to terrestrial events. Does the Justice League not have spacecraft?"

    "Martian Manhunter has one, but it's effectively an upgunned civilian ship. The Hawks have another, but it's not designed for deep space operations. Batman has a glorified rocket plane. Then it's just the Lanterns."

    "Then it's a mercy that we haven't been invaded before now."

    "Thanagar and the Alignment were heading this way, if it makes you feel any better."

    "Do you have the matter in hand?"

    "That's a long way down the 'plan' list. To my mind, raising a interstellar navy on Earth would be a pretty clear sign that I'd decided to take over the world."

    "But bringing an external navy across the Rubicon was not?"

    "That was just something I had laying around. There's a difference between riding to an ally's aid and taking over the mechanisms of their state."

    "True, I suppose. Might it be advantageous for me to coordinate my patrols with the Justice League? I have been working under the assumption that they would have acquired a long range detection system of some kind, but if that is not so then the sensor system of the Pax Romana could serve."

    "The Hawks were kind enough to volunteer some Thanagarian monitoring devices."

    Because the League are still pretending that the Watchtower doesn't exist, despite the fact that knowing there was a neutral station which could serve as space traffic control and somewhere to get a general alert from could serve as an excellent bypass to 'who owns space' arguments. The sort of thing that most spacefaring civilisations have above their homeworld, even the ones that never unified politically.

    "As well as their interdiction equipment. The very bare bones are covered, but that's about all. I'll pass your comments along, and give Batman a bit of a nudge about it."

    "Thank you. Are there other matters you wish to discuss?"

    "Yesterday, a woman named Jill Carlyle attempted to kill the first Wildcat. That brought to light the fact that she was almost certainly responsible for a large number of deaths, and the League is investigating those. Three didn't appear to fit the pattern; they were Alliance members."

    "And you want access to our records?"

    "Records, personal recollections, anything that we could use to work out what is going on."

    "I can arrange that. Who were they?"

    "Vigilante, White Dragon and Black Orchid."

    "Orchid?"

    "Did you know her?"

    "Yes, we worked together on several occasions. The other two I remember as short-sighted and violent, but she was intelligent and subtle. Has this Jill Carlyle killed a great many people?"

    "Dozens of superheroes. We're not sure whether she's killed other people as well. We think she might be being controlled to an extent by evil spirits in her guns, but that's about as far as we've got."

    "I see. Well then, let us return to the bosom of Tellus and I will gather the information that you seek."
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2022
  27. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    'any way'

    I think he goes by Red Star now.

    Yeah.

    It was from Vandal Savage unfortunately.

    'to an extent'
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2022
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  28. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    That should say 'I',

    He doesn't, since he shouldn't have a reason to change his name, unless Paul pitched the idea offscreen and he decided that Red Star sounds cooler.

    Also, is this foreshadowing a possible invasion of Earth from anti-Kryptonian aliens? I hope that if this happens, Paul explains that this is because back in the day, Kryptonians were basically advanced Nazis who saw all other species as inferior.
     
  29. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    OOT here. Where is the Pax Romana from again? When did that show up in story?

    (The ship, not the saying)
     
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  30. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    I think it was mentioned that apparently a marketing team chose the new name because it was apparently better.
     
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