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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Genocidecles

    Genocidecles Know what you're doing yet?

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    Love this crazy shit. Also happy to finally be making real progress to resolving the 'Where's John?' situation.
     
  2. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Yeah, clouds may look tiny from the kind of distances people normally see them from the ground... But they can be fuckhuge masses of vapour, resembling fog with a pituitary issue. And stormclouds? Add in crackling lightning, harsh winds and that particularly nasty shade of greenish grey, and suddenly it's a lot more intimidating.

    ...I mean, it's not like human cloning is specifically illegal in his embassy... ;)

    And as far as Best Snek has come, she's still a long way from generous...

    Come on, man, play along here, he's trying to settle his nerves. That thanatophobia of his is coming on strong...

    There's a time for planning, and a time for doing. And this is not the former.

    Probably enough to give Alan's ring a whole percentage point of charge.

    An optimistic way to look at it, Doctor. And around here, I suppose optimism counts for a lot.

    Hopefully it isn't as difficult as herding cats.

    Some hope in this life.

    "Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon. What have you got left?"
    "Sorry, Venkman, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought..."

    Oh, no, OL's fine. Sandman's terrified of screwing up, Doctor Mist is way too laid-back for this and the Demon is tripping balls. Perfectly normal day. :p

    ...Ehhh... OL's not great at that kind of sudden shift. Remember his early days?

    Bust out the sweets, things are gonna get madcap in here. Roller coaster time!

    :D Christopher Nolan has an erection right now and he doesn't know why...

    Don't think, just run and hope he's fine.

    Who do you think he is, Mario Mario?

    And someone's making the Goofy yell.

    At least it's not the middle of a warzone. Or deep space.

    Thankfully, you don't have to play by the rules of the waking world's physics. Mid-air direction changes-a-gogo!

    Of course, being able to cheat helps...

    The only problem with toon physics is, it stops working if you look down. :eek: And you're looking down.

    Super-Parkour Championship 2012, Dreaming Edition!

    And only in this story and this episode could that sentence have made any sense.

    With This Ring: Mascot Racer when? :D

    Oh, well, good to see you're enjoying yourself.

    And believe OL, he's done that. It's not as fun as you think.

    Quick, do a Barrel Roll!

    ...Ah, crud.

    Well, that can't be good... Unless it is? Who knows, in this madhouse? And man, imagine watching an episode like this on screen, starting out with a crazy sequence like this. Minds would be blown. And this is only the first part of the episode. The opening credits haven't even started rolling! How much crazier is it going to get? I don't know, but let's keep going and find out! :cool:



    "
    Remember: let your bodies and minds flow with events. Go."
    Oof! Roll back on my feet platform falling to absorb impact run run leap!
     
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  3. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Well, that was a real trip.

    Ah, so you're still writing him like that.

    True.

    Just try not to fall.
     
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  4. Joelseph14

    Joelseph14 Know what you're doing yet?

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    Damn Paul is really facing his fears here, no control and no backup if things go wrong
     
  5. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  6. Duke Long

    Duke Long Glomerulus

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    ‘hev’
    ‘thet’
     
  7. NightmareWarden

    NightmareWarden Versed in the lewd.

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    Hey, maybe Paragon!Paul’s game developers can use this setting for a platformer once the strategy game is complete. I wonder if Paul’s ring is able to record stuff here? That could make this dreamscape a bit easier to process.

    You know how Paul’s response to Nabu led to the Justice League thoroughly reading mission reports? Someday everyone will have read Nommo and Alan’s reports on this adventure, including this storm situation. Lucky them! I know my mouth would be agape at this whole situation, so this mission’s report could be fun for the Leaguers to chat about.

    Huh. I haven’t read those future-reveals from Mr Zoat in a long time… I wonder if Sandman will join the Justice League eventually.
     
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  8. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  9. Clell65619

    Clell65619 Making the rounds.

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    Wile E. Coyote... Just for the record.
     
  10. Windona

    Windona Beetle Queen of Crackshipping

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    Ooo, nice. Paul having to trust in the plan knowing if he dies here there's no backup- very fun
     
  11. Ardy

    Ardy I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I’m going to laugh if it turns out that demon Constantine was lying and John isn’t in the tower of fate
     
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  12. Duke Long

    Duke Long Glomerulus

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    From False Dawn (part two):
    ‘hev’
    ‘thet’
    ‘hev’
    ’thet’

    I decided not to do part one, because Nommo consistently says ‘that’ in every instance for that chapter, and he consistently says ‘hev’, so I just assumed he was controlling his accent.
     
  13. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
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  14. Bud-E

    Bud-E Stand up so I can push you down!

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    Mr Zoat I noticed that The Sphere of Gods has never been mentioned in your fic even though you've delved deep into gods and god-like abilities. Is it not a thing or has the Dreaming replaced it?
     
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  15. Bramble Thorn

    Bramble Thorn Verified Silhouette

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    Have you considered that all this is actually making the story worse?
    That that has gotten so bad you are talking about putting the character on a bus because you don't want to deal with this anymore?

    That is accent was not actually this prevalent when the character first appeared, and having it appear every singe time, may not be a good thing? Not in terms of characterization of the doctor, not in terms of the effort it takes to make the changes?

    That going from his diction slipping and accent emerging when he is under stress or distracted, to him not being able to speak without it at all is just Flanderization caused by a poster doing a blind word search without regard to context, and you are just accepting the changes blindly because that is easier than looking at each individual occurrence and deciding "should his accent be emerging here, or not"?

    That sometimes, the proper response can be "Thanks, but please stop helping me and fuck off before you drive me to an early grave!"

    Spoiler
    Anyway, I was writing to say I didn't think Dr. Mists's white quote marks were white enough, and remembered seeing a glowing text function a while back. How about adding a glow to all his quotation marks to represent his Life enlightenment better visually?
     
  16. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    The Sphere of the Gods was not a thing until post flashpoint.

    Zoat, as a rule with a couple of exceptions, doesn't pull from the post flashpoint stuff.
     
  17. Threadmarks: Tower Offence (part 2)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    8th November 2012
    19:05 GMT +3?


    Ah, ah, magic, how you think, think 'fast'!

    I leap, not really aiming at anything in particular but holding in my mind the idea of being flung forward and the trees blur past me and the mists recede. The forest is still-

    A new branch and keep running!

    -dying, but the part that's dying is behind me and not getting closer.

    Leap! There, a hole in a trunk, aim for-. It's getting bigger but okay, through the hole and-.

    And an ocean on a buoy and leap, land on a small speedboat and leap, use the time in the air to glance back-

    There's a pink fog bank rolling in, but it's continuing to fall back. It's directed movement and commitment to the idea of movement, not just moving. I know that I'm about twenty seconds from being erased from existence, but this is actually kind of fun!

    Leap, and I fly through the air, legs flailing in a running motion as I go and here comes the cruise liner! Land on the deck, stagger a few steps, and-.

    "Paul, what's going on?"

    "Alan?"

    Alan drops down from the upper deck and he's not running!

    "Any idea-?"

    I dart towards him, wrap my right arm around his back as pink mist flows down after him and drag him into motion!

    "Keep running, keep running!"

    He gets the idea, but I don’t think he's committing.

    "Where are we running to? I can't even see-."

    "We're not running 'to', we're running. This is a dream and not an obstacle course, we're existing in a small bubble made by Sanderson and The Demon. Stop thinking and hurl yourself forwards!"

    "Okay, I-"

    The ship tips, the world turning around us as it goes over the rimfall, stars above and beneath us as everything starts falling!

    Alan tries to grab onto a railing.

    "NO! Run run run!"

    I'm running down the near-vertical deck, and-. And he's still not there and there's a railing and I run along that and look up and he's not running! Rope rope life ring the mist is right behind him throw!

    Missedfuck!

    "Al-"

    The mist surges down, and-. And it hits the railing first as my ring-on-a-rope falls back towards me, and Alan falls-

    "-an, intent! Faster!"

    He falls clumsily for a second, then manages to kick off the deck far enough that he's actually falling-. Falling past me because I stopped-! Move! Over the railing, throw the ring, leap to the ring and kick off towards… Whatever's that way! Rock, rock sticking out of the rim. Land running around it and kick off-.

    And check what Alan's managing to-.

    "This is crazy!"

    He's got hold of a lifeboat and is paddling it downwards, good!

    "Keep doing-"

    I push off directly downwards, leaping onto a falling rock.

    "-that!"

    "I think I got it!"

    Okay, Alan knows what to do, Sanderson and The Demon must or we wouldn't still be here, and Dr. Balewa can look after-

    Another leap, and I'm standing on a tiny planet in orbit around a tiny sun.

    -himself.

    No sign of Alan, but that appears to be how things are working. Have to meet up later.

    I leap over the sun, towards a slightly larger rocky world on the far side.

    I just wish I knew if we were anywhere near the end. It's like-

    Another jump and I'm standing on the solid core of a gas giant.

    -a boss without a health bar. I've got no real idea whether I'm actually making progress or not.

    A leap and a tiny exoplanet and then a flying leap into the void and the pink mist eats the system. Stars fly past, my feet darting out to touch them one after another to maintain my momentum.

    "Anybody here?!"

    The blackness becomes a wall, stars vanishing and only rock remaining! I twist and land on my feet, changing my orientation and running up/along the surface.

    "Anybody at all?!"

    The rock cracks and I grab the closest lump and push! They're moving in a chaotic pattern, and I'm forced to switch between shoving with arms and leg and-

    Ugh!

    -just take the hit to my chest before inelegantly scrambling around in order to keep going. The pink mist is still there, but it's well behind me.

    Okay, I'm keeping my position, but am I still doing something wrong? I'm following the path Sanderson-.

    What's he seeing?

    The floating rocks around me dissolve into sand, forming a black desert under a black sky. The only illumination comes from a great glowing ring in the sky.

    Towards Sanderson and The Demon-.

    Something erupts from the sand like a flying fish leaping from the water!

    "Orange Lantern!"

    Sanderson's upper torso forms the leading part, while the trunk and tail are made of the black sand that surrounds us. The Demon Constantine is stuck in the torso, his head lolling as he maintains our dream bubble.

    "Sandman! Which way?"

    "I can't tell! Whenever I slow down to try and work it out, the mist catches up with us? I haven't even seen Blue Lantern and Mist!"

    "I have! They were fine!"

    "Oh, good! But I still don't know where we're going!"

    "If I carry you, will you have enough time to have a vision?"

    "Maybe. But we can't leave Constantine!"

    "Of course not! Shift back to human form, then put him on my back. I'll bridal carry you."

    "Can you do that and outrun the mist?"

    "I'll have to! We need an exit!"

    "Okay. Three. Two. One!"
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2022
  18. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

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    Your tags are showing.
     
  19. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    "seen"
     
  20. Frank Iannetta

    Frank Iannetta Getting out there.

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    Oh, trippy!

    Time for Paul to put those ring-enhanced muscles to work.
     
  21. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    Well, no. It's a dream, he runs with his mind.

    Think of Towers Sanderson! Ignore the phallic implications! Or don't, I may be getting that vibe from you, but it's up to you!
     
  22. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    And I just realised, this part really feels like those annoyingly popular sequences in action-adventure games these days. Surely you've seen the kind: Keep pushing forwards to run, stagger or otherwise roll down a narrow corridor of stability as shit happens around you. You know, like in Uncharted or the Tomb Raider reboot series? Not saying that's a bad thing, but...

    ...There's just one annoying thing about these sequences, and I'm sure you can see why it's relevant, because...

    ...The games tend to have a tendency to kill you if you do anything but run. :rolleyes:

    Sadly, I doubt Alan is any kind of gamer, in the modern sense. So a sequence like this would be very new to him. And very confusing.

    Standing still very bad. Very very bad idea! [/JackieChan]

    And now he's probably having a classic Doctor Who moment. At least the corridors here aren't made of wobbly cardboard and foam. :p

    That's not your job, Alan. Sandy's the one handling where you're going. All you need to do is keep up.

    And while Alan is more of a Man of Action than OL is, even he can't keep up this level of blind sprinting, I bet.

    Boy, whoever's dreaming this bit must be a One Piece fan, if the ocean is this changeable. Because Grand Line conditions.

    See what I meant about running sequences killing you if you didn't run?

    Come on, protagonist protection! No loading a save here!

    And if there's one thing a former Green lantern understands, it's intent. :D

    Boy, it really feels like the map is building itself moments before you reach it, doesn't it?

    That's the spirit! Row, row like your life depends on it! Because it does. :V

    Now, to worry about yourself, OL. Not out of the pond yet.

    On the upside, once you are in the swing of things, it's fairly easy to keep that way... Until something distracts you and your next step ends up missing the ground...

    ...That's one hell of a first step.

    And a giant leap, too!

    God, I know, right? Like in Terraria. Before the Journey's End update, and unmodded, the only way to know how much health a boss had left was to put the mouse over it. That's why one of the first Quality of Life mods anyone downloads tends to be a Boss Health Bar mod... And a lot of major content mods included their own health Bar systems...
    :oops: ...Digression over...

    Ooh, walking on sunshine stars? Talk about a hot-foot.

    Good reaction time. Some would probably half landed face-down and lay there stunned. Which would end poorly for them.

    And now you're climbing through the playfield of 'Asteroids'... What a trip.

    Maybe he's having his own performance issues. I mean, he's never done this before either.

    Ooh, ominous. Hopefully just a really moody dream and not something more symbolic.

    Oh, crap! Where's that Dune quote? "Stilgar, do we have Wormsign?"

    "Usul, we have Wormsign the likes of which even God has never seen!" On the upside, this is a lot nicer-looking than a Shai-Hulud.

    Learn to multi-task, man!

    ...Wait, who's driving this crazy thing? Morpheus, take the wheel!

    Gee, the Demon proving to be dead weight, huh? Who'd have thought it? :p

    Man, Jade is going to bust a gut when she hears this story.

    ...And they're going to be picking sand out of everywhere for days after this, I bet.

    So, while they've had a bump here and there, things are still mostly on track, I see. The hardest part would probably be adjusting to the sudden changes in setting that the ephemeral nature of dreams causes. On the other hand, having the person behind the figurative wheel being lost is probably not helping. Hopefully Sanderson can get his bearings without something going ploin-shaped.



    Both 'too' should be 'to', right?
     
  23. Bud-E

    Bud-E Stand up so I can push you down!

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    Is Paul actually super-strong or just in really good shape thanks to his ring?
     
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  24. Duke Long

    Duke Long Glomerulus

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    I’m pretty sure he’s just really fit. Maybe he kind of has some low-level super strength in the sense that he is fitter than any human could reasonably be, but he definitely doesn’t have ‘true’ super strength.
     
  25. mastermenthe

    mastermenthe Mint Thistle

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    The last time anything was even mentioned was when Paul got Qwa-matter-bombed, he talked about reinforcements in his body, including in his backup clones. Check there?
     
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  26. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    But it's great for the animators!
    Thank you, corrected.
    Yes, just really fit.
     
  27. Bud-E

    Bud-E Stand up so I can push you down!

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    Is there a reason Paul never gave himself the Danner enhancement or any other kind of super power that he has access too?
     
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  28. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Yes. The Danner Formula appears to work through magic means, and as such wouldn't work on him. Or at least, couldn't be relied upon to behave predictably. Other augmentations either altered the human body in a way he found unpleasant, had other side effects or just weren't worth it. The Renegade and Tangseid felt differently.
     
  29. Someguy Somewhere

    Someguy Somewhere The Critical Fumbler

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    OL, in his time off screen, has spoken to support groups for metahuman children, starting from the families at the schools that megan and conner go to, along with cassie (wonder girl) and her mother.

    He's likely run into a few super powers out there that have had some pretty bad side effects (maybe not as bad as The Boys 'verse Saul has)

    He ran experiments on Danner, Blockbuster and Garrick formula's on lab rats and his own blood....this was before he got a soul though. Without the magic side of things his blood was inert to danner and garrick, but (as Renegade proved) not Blockbuster. Tangsied ended up using the Evil Potion for super powers without a soul, and that worked. Seems hit and miss with what will function, with a lack of understanding on what super stuff is just magic by another vector.

    With his greed and chaos powered soul all patchworked together, he might get a reaction out of those, but unlikely to be one that he wants.

    He's made minor tweaks to his body, muscle improvements, better memory and sense of taste got mentioned, but those are altering mundane stuff. Stuff he understands and can reverse. Bolting on super powers he doesn't understand the underlying principles of is asking for trouble, and possibly adding new weaknesses.

    I don't know if its a factor that Paul's talks and observation of Truggs and Kadabra might have put him off going for long term genetic buffs, as both of them show signs of augmentation that propagate in the gene pool, and aren't exactly stunning examples of good decision making.

    EDIT:

    Then there's the question of why he should go for 'built in' super powers when he has gear and constructs that can replicate most of the generic ones, and a rolldex of super powered people to call on for ones he can't duplicate.

    Now I'm a bit curious as to what powers he could go for that would make sense. Power Ring Blue paul went with some mad science nanotech to supplement his less then fully charged Ring. Old World Blues Krono Paul went for Psychic Powers and a FEV based Super Serum that gave him some degree of physical buffing, due to not having a way to charge his ring.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2022
  30. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    I particularly liked the Suicide Squad Angel Wings theurgist alt.Paul.

    Although I always thought it was a shame he didn't have a blue ring, make him the funhouse mirror of Gravy.

    Gravy- New God of Conquest, orange light of avarice, works together like blue light and angel wings, I thought.
     
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