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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Windona

    Windona Beetle Queen of Crackshipping

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    Hmm, I wonder whose POV we'll see next. Normally I'd assume Zartok, but we've been given so much commentary on his thoughts I wouldn't be surprised if it's someone like Dox or a clicker.

    I see Paul is recommending recreational drugs to his recruits as a way to imitate his experience with getting doped up.

    This recent set feels like an 'Orange Lantern Corps' title taking a break from the main title. I like it.
     
  2. dxdragon

    dxdragon Experienced.

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    Ok, I'm loving that we get to see things from perspectives other than OL.
    Thanks for the chapter!

    Wonder how this God Lantern will shape up! They definitely sound like they will bring interesting usages of the ring to light.
     
  3. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    I'd like the see the POV of lanterns Paul personally recruited, like Ratchet, Sodam Yat, or the Tamaran princesses.
     
  4. Bramble Thorn

    Bramble Thorn Verified Silhouette

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    Mr Zoat
    Can I get some more information about this please?

    What were the later revisions to the genetic code?
    Who or what made them, that removing them seems to have made the resulting being more evolved/capable rather than less?

    I think the Orks were created by the Old Ones, right?
    Is he as they originally made/intended Orks to be, and the modern strain was devolved/defanged by someone (like the Guardians did to the Martians)?
     
  5. Threadmarks: Counterpunched (part 3)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    14th January 2013
    06:34 GMT


    Before calling them to attention, I take a moment to assess the pugilists' strength. Allyn has clearly grasped the basics of power ring combat, though naturally Zartok's control and fatigability clearly outstrip his. His constructs are fine when he creates them-. No, good, actually. But they are relatively slow to form and he is attached to them; he does not dismiss them when they have served their purpose but rather allows them to fade as they slip from this mind.

    They will serve. I raise my hands to my mouth.

    "Lantern Zartok! Lantern Allyn!"

    It pleases me to see that neither of them are distracted. Ranged constructs fall silent at once and no new energy pulses are sent across the duelling ground. Both maintain their shields and armour and don't take their eyes off one another. Zartok's people don't end their training duels in quite the same way that mine do, but he-.

    Zartok raises his right fist up to his ear, then extends it towards his opponent. Allyn doesn't respond. He doesn't know the gesture and isn't used to looking things up on his ring's database. His own people have no ritual duelling tradition as they've spent too much time engaged in full scale war. When I first heard of it, I thought that it might suit me. Or rather, I would be better suited to it than the peaceful world I was born to.

    But it's not all about me.

    Ah, Allyn has dropped his construct armour. Not the proper response, but it will stand. In another situation, Zartok wouldn't be above attacking a Lantern who hadn't properly signalled the end of a spar, but he's usually a little more understanding when I'm around.

    According to the Illustres, I'm a beef gate.

    The term was not explained on my ring's cultural database. Metaphors often don't translate well, if there is no equivalent phrase. In an attempt to understand what he meant, I had the cooks prepare a meal of beef. The taste was fair, but I saw no similarity between it and myself. So I asked him directly. Essentially, he feels that anyone thinking about challenging him would first seek to challenge me, as I am the most available Lantern of rank. Anyone who cannot beat me is not worthy of his time.

    Lantern Zartok and I both want to kill the Illustres. Or rather, have both stated that we will. Having reflected on it at length, I don't think that I do want to kill him; not specifically. Beat him as proof of my skill and supremacy, yes. But unlike Zartok I didn't kill my former swordmaster when I was done with my training.

    Zartok sneers for a moment, then lowers his own defence constructs. "It is customary to salute an opponent at the end of a spar. Remember that next time."

    Allyn responds by raising his fist in a mirror of Zartok's gesture.

    "Adequate." His eye shifts to me. "Have you been introduced to Lantern Ragnar?"

    "Yes. The Illustres introduced us when I first arrived."

    The Illustres recruits the most interesting people. Aside from Lantern Xalitan Xor -my 'beef gate'- none of them have been warriors, exactly, but all of them have had a unique perspective on the orange light. Each have been far more powerful than most of our recruits, and the boy Lantern Sodam Yat is stronger than most recruits even without his ring.

    Lantern Zartok glances up as the stands, where his coterie of Lantern Drusa and Lantern Grood sat watching as is their custom. Lantern Grood jumps down to his master's side with a single thrust of his arms, while Lantern Drusa flies more slowly, eyes flickering as she reviews reports from the front lines to try to determine what I want.

    A good team. Balanced.

    "You have news?"

    Lantern Zartok stares directly into my eyes as he asks. He mirrors my stance, neither respectful or insolent but as an equal. But unlike him I have two eyes, and I see the awkwardness of Lantern Drusa as he asks me a question she could already answer.

    "Yes. They were hunting for Grayven's fleet. Whatever he has been doing to the Reach, it has roused in them an anger that not even we can equal."

    His face twists as he tries to prevent himself feeling rage. "That will not stand."

    "No. It won't. For the first time since the beginning of the war, we are sending a team to infiltrate deep into Reach space. If you are willing, the four of you will be a part of it."

    "I am a warrior, not a spy."

    "You will not lack for targets in the interior of the Reach. You will simply have to combine your wrath with subtlety. The Darkstar squad assigned to the mission will handle any actual spying that needs to be done."

    "Not a fleet, then. One of their stealth cruisers."

    "A new design. Something that should be able to fly through the Reach's interdiction systems. Until they adapt them."

    "Is there a reason why we do not build a fleet of such ships and then charge deeply into their territory in force?"

    "Yes." As disappointed as I was when I found out. "Such ships are difficult to build, even for the Controllers. They could have built a fleet in the time it took to build this ship."

    Lantern Zartok clearly isn't happy, but he led armies. He knows when a logistical position is untenable.

    "Marines?"

    I frown. Why would he ask about that? "What for? You aren't expected to hold territory or engage in broad-front combat."

    "Then what are we being sent to do?"

    "We need to know more about Grayven's fights with the Reach. We believe that we know where they have been fighting, because we know where they moved their inner circle fleet from."

    "So their defences are weakened?"

    "Not to the point where four Lanterns could destroy what's left. But enough that you won't have to worry about them flooding your area with gravity distortion weapons."

    Lantern Zartok nods. "Are you joining us?"

    "No. You will work better without me. I would disrupt your chain of command."

    He nods again, this time with more vigour. If I had a regret about taking responsibility for training so many other Lanterns, it is that it has not allowed me to form the bonds of camaraderie that I see other Lanterns having. Perhaps if Lantern Xor spent more time here…

    Or perhaps I should speak to the Illustres. Another Lantern could take up my responsibilities here, and that would allow me to spend more time in combat. I would rather spend it on his homeworld, fighting the madness that it produces, but… Now is not the time. Anti-Life is not something that a buzz blade can cut.

    "I will want to speak to the Darkstar leader at once."

    I fire a data packet to each of them, Lantern Drusa's eyes glowing at once as she goes through it. Lantern Zartok will do the same later, when I am not within sword's reach.

    I would not kill him, of course. Not outside of a sanctioned duel. He makes me reflect on what I might have become if I had not received my ring. Uncomfortably so.

    "I wish you all best fortune. We need information more than kills, but…" I smile. "Neither of us want Grayven outpacing us."

    "No. Where is he, anyway?"

    "Not anywhere near Karrakan. We recovered some wreckage, but most of his ships escaped the Reach."

    "And the Reach fleet? Them appearing behind us would be inconvenient."

    Ah. "The Illustres intends to deal with them personally."
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2023
  6. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    It's not really that big a deal, but okay.
    The SI doesn't now.
    That was a retcon. In 2nd edition, there was a mention of 'brain boys', but nothing about the Old Ones. Similarly, there was no mention of the Old Ones creating the Eldar. That was a retcon as well.
    Probably the latter, though there's no way for people in-universe to know.
     
  7. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    That should say 'them'.

    I would also like to see what Ragnar would do on Earth. Also, it's nice to see that he understands just how big a deal the Anti-Life is.

    This is a nice little development. I have to say, Ragnar's really grown on me. I was expecting to hate him when I first saw him due to the source material, but I'm impressed at how you got a low level Hate Sink like Ragnar and made him a likable, or at least entertaining, character.

    Okay, this seems like a set up for a big play from Paul. If this is indeed the case, I hope we get to see it from an outside POV just so that we can see the awe that lantern will feel. Also, that should say 'Them'.
     
  8. Oglymogly

    Oglymogly I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Congratulations, you made me snort my drink up my nose. You may have been aided by the alcohol, but it is your victory nevertheless. Happy New Year!
     
  9. TodaBruh

    TodaBruh Fiction is life's spice <( ̄︶ ̄)↗

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    I feel like this whole Corps is an organization created by a somewhat insane and socially mal-adjusted guy that attracts people with similar dispositions.

    This is comedy gold.
     
  10. Idkusername

    Idkusername Versed in the lewd.

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    Ragnar’s a surprisingly interesting narrator.
     
  11. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    It's fascinating to see the villains reflect on their motivations, finding ways to integrate and slwoly changing. Excellent writing, Zoat.

    Also, happy New Year everyone :D
     
  12. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Though not stated, context suggests that Ragnar is making an appearance. It's been a while since we've seen him (escorting OL after his little encounter with Qwa-Matter.) No doubt he's been busy beating the new recruits into a worthwhile shape.

    So, you think Allyn is ready for real field-work? That slowness you mentioned might get him in trouble... ;) Or he might find some much-needed haste in real battle.

    Heh. Different training regimens, different practices. I wonder if the strategists mix their trainees in units in order to encourage espri-de-corps. Don't want to form distinct power blocs within the Corps, after all.

    Probably because you'd slap him down just as he would the rookie.

    Beef Gate via TVTropes, if like Ragnar, you haven't heard the term. And OL really should have given some thought to including more internet slang in his database, really. Would be amusing to hear Lanterns spouting gamer lingo during battle. :V
    "I claim Mid!"
    "Just don't Feed like you usually do, Noob!"
    "Fornicate with your mother, as I did last night!"

    A useful lesson, and thankfully not having to be taught with physical reinforcement.

    Still more manly than, say, the Naruto gesture of reconciliation.

    OL does favour interesting quality over generic quantity. I do hope Sodam Yat has attended to his species' chemical issues, though.

    The Leader, the Brute, the Hacker and the Rookie. A classic squad. Though how the Power Trio of Zartok, Drusa and Grood respond to working with Allyn will be curious to see.

    It's a pity you two probably don't have comparable anatomy, so you could just whip them out and compare them to put an end to your dick-waving contest... :p

    After all, it's the OLC's job to put the fear of creation into the Reach. :sneaky: Even if they don't quite have the right colour for it.

    Yeah, I can't picture you trying to be discreet, ever.

    Does it have a pilot with brittle bones at the helm? :p

    Cost, both in materials and construction time, I would bet. Same reason the Normandy I was largely a development project rather than a line model.

    Goddammit, now I am going to be picturing it as the Normandy, no matter how you describe it.

    Honestly, that's about all they'd be useful for, if you have four Lanterns aboard.

    And it'll be a lot easier to infiltrate Reach territory than it will be to even find Grayven's.

    Which would probably be a solid threat to most Lanterns who aren't Guy or OL.

    Too big a dog for this fight, eh? I assume he's a known quantity to Reach intelligence, and would force a larger response than 'Team Z'.

    And it probably would do good to change up the trainers every so often, keep the skills of their trainees fresh and unpredictable to the Reach.

    Ah, old instincts die hard, eh, Zartok?

    And with his firepower, he can rack them up a lot faster...

    Probably good news for Allyn, but bad news for everyone else. Probably got his flagship somewhere, patching it up.

    I do hope that was accompanied by a vicious grin. Because of there's one thing OL does well, it's teaching a lesson to bad people.

    So, more than a few threads to follow, plotwise, to kick off this year. Team Z's mission, OL's little 'distraction'... It'll be interesting to see where things lead from here. And there's the promise of plenty of action ahead either way. No doubt OL's looking to speed-run this questline so he can get back to Earth, given that it's been two gorram weeks in story. Which makes me wonder what will go wrong...
     
  13. BR549

    BR549 This is filth! FILTH!!

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    Heck with Internet slang, that's gorram Shakespeare.

    "Thou hast undone our mother!"
    "Villain, I have done thy mother."

    While Normandy is quite a fine ship (and Kyle Katarn's Moldy Crow is based on it!) given things I suspect we're about to be introduced to the Interceptor.
     
  14. Z000

    Z000 If this is trash, then find me in the dumpster

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    wonder how many mission he can do on Earth before he swore off it forever for being way too hard on the difficulty spike
     
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  15. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    I see even Ragnar isn't mad enough to want to fight the anti-life
     
  16. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    "he does not"

    "heard of"
     
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  17. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  18. Duke Long

    Duke Long Glomerulus

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    ’indefatigability’, I think, since Google indicates that fatigability is a bad thing.
     
  19. DeathReaperZ

    DeathReaperZ In the Void.

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    Lol. Thank you.
     
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  20. DeathReaperZ

    DeathReaperZ In the Void.

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    So did the other emotions originate from the orange light in this story? And will he be able to eventually manipulate desires without a ring or perform other exotic orange light abilities?
     
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  21. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    No, that's correct. A person is indefatigable if they're highly resistant to fatigue, but it doesn't work as a word to describe relative fatiguability.
    No, he's just more connected to the whole network.
    Yes, though that might be beyond the bounds of this story.
     
  22. DeathReaperZ

    DeathReaperZ In the Void.

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    Ah, he's so connected to the orange light, that his awareness of it bleeds into other lights? Although it might not be beyond the bounds of the story, through the use of time-skipped worlds and such. Will we ever get a post where a very experienced Paul goes back to the beginning of “Young Justice”?
     
  23. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    I think it was once mentioned that the final episode of the fic will involve Paul going to the canon YJ show.
     
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  24. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    It will be hilarious to see him see just how badly he's fucked things up.
     
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  25. Lord Ernest

    Lord Ernest At the End...

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    I would have liked to see Ragnar in that team, or that Lantern that was a Darkstar before, the one with the dog face (?) whose name I can't recall. Would have been funny seeing Zartok have to be in the field while not being in command.

    Oh, and it makes me curious, do the Orange Lanterns regularly form squads or stuff like that? Attachments are actually kind of beneficiary for them, should give them a bit more motivation to defend each other, right?
     
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  26. Ardy

    Ardy I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    You know I just realized a missed opportunity for this story. When Paul got blown up and lost his enlightenment, he considers adding some other colors to balance himself out. He really should have written a message to Jade saying “died yesterday, lost orangeness, considering adding love before recovering, thoughts?”
     
  27. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Sort of. Lanterns are usually assigned to fleets that operate in the general area of their own homeworlds, with a senior Lantern from Maltus to act as an officer. However, as Orange Lanterns are supposed to follow their manias and some are recruited from other regions of the galaxy, there's a good deal of flexibility in the arrangement.
     
  28. Windona

    Windona Beetle Queen of Crackshipping

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    Now I'm just picturing the JL's reaction to Ragnar getting into a fist fight or duel with every top tier supervillain he can find. (Huh, that brings me to wondering how functional the Light is on Paragon Paul's Earth, given Anti-Life and everything.)

    Hmm, stealth mission. That will be interesting, especially to see if the Lanterns are going to try to stay in the shadows or attempt to pretend to be conquered meat.
     
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  29. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    The last few days have been hell... my pet cockatiel passed away rather suddenly... today, I finally had a chance to catch up. Three corrections in three different updates:

    I think it's "Karrakan" elsewhere?

    His armour solidifies into armour?
     
  30. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    No, he's wearing physical armour and his aura solidified into construct armour.
     
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