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No problem. Quite a nice fic you have there. If you are interested i myself am writing a Quest bout Dresden Files. Propably not as well written as what you are doing though
And for descriptions and sentence structure, a big thing is to keep in mind how it "sounds" that is how the reader sees it and constructs the sentences.
That's why the whole "reading aloud" is a handy trick to see if a sentence works..
Comments on Profile Post by Sunshine Temple