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Instead of „Your skills and wisdom…“
Should be „His skills and wisdom…“
As Kushina is talking to Naruto about Jiraya.
This doesn‘t make sense.
Maybe you meant „Nobody can overhear us here, not even…“
Really like your sw fic.
Since it‘s alread been a bit since last post, here‘s some things i noticed:
Feels a bit wrong.
maybe „paused to center his thoughts, then unpaused“.
Here‘s some errors i noticed:
His
Earlier you referred to him as Krillin, here Kuririn.
After this sentence you switch from 3rd person to 1st person
Shoudl be „His heart …“
Here you went back to 3rd person as normal.
Again 1st person, should be „over him…“
Should all be „Adept“...
Found your Cyberpunk fic today, Pinnacle. Since I‘m not sure about the necro rules of QQ i thought i‘d post here instead.
Really great start, lots of information and still open enough for my imagination to fill in the details. I hope the comissioner is still on board with it, and that you are in...