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This is highly amusing and reminds me of Jack Townsend's Tales from the Gas Station, but even more unapologetically silly. I am thoroughly tickled and look forwards to more. :)
I love good metapasta shit. By which I mean 'creepypasta but the protagonists are aware of the cliches'. This is some Tales from the Gas Station stuff and I am thoroughly enjoying it. More plz.
I suspect Saumvash will never be able to look at a kebab the same way again…but then again, perhaps an inordinate appetite for crustaceans might be another side effect.
I love all of this. The mental imagery is so wacky and fun. Just the idea of game characters having off time makes me think of Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
He sounds like a Spartan. The pale skin made me think of Chief.
Also, yes, multiplayer matches would be terrifying. I am reminded of the backstory for Quake 3 Arena, where the combatants are forced to fight forever at the whim of merciless alien creatures called the Vadrigar (no guesses as to...