1. Due to issues with external spam filters, QQ is currently unable to send any mail to Microsoft E-mail addresses. This includes any account at live.com, hotmail.com or msn.com. Signing up to the forum with one of these addresses will result in your verification E-mail never arriving. For best results, please use a different E-mail provider for your QQ address.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. For prospective new members, a word of warning: don't use common names like Dennis, Simon, or Kenny if you decide to create an account. Spammers have used them all before you and gotten those names flagged in the anti-spam databases. Your account registration will be rejected because of it.
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Since it has happened MULTIPLE times now, I want to be very clear about this. You do not get to abandon an account and create a new one. You do not get to pass an account to someone else and create a new one. If you do so anyway, you will be banned for creating sockpuppets.
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If you wish to change your username, please ask via conversation to tehelgee instead of asking via my profile. I'd like to not clutter it up with such requests.
    Dismiss Notice
  5. Due to the actions of particularly persistent spammers and trolls, we will be banning disposable email addresses from today onward.
    Dismiss Notice
  6. We have added another rule, please check the Rules post for more information.
    Dismiss Notice

A New Player in the Force (SW/Gamer)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by USSExplorer, Apr 24, 2020.

Loading...
  1. USSExplorer

    USSExplorer Doing what's necessary, even if it causes chaos

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2019
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    4,682
    No, it's not.
    That was more Serra just reacting to the presence of a male in that moment. She'll have issues over what happened obv, but it won't be around Cam.
    Though this will sort of push her to spend more time with Bo to become stronger
     
  2. jokarun

    jokarun Making the rounds.

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2016
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    660
    It seems that constantly acting without the force in these schools made people forget that they are still Jedi? I can't for the life of me think of another reason why they would be so stupid to think they could win such a stupid fight.
     
  3. alec_potter

    alec_potter Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2017
    Messages:
    418
    Likes Received:
    1,383
    Fantastic update. Thanks for the time skips.

    Looking forward to the trial, hope it’s a honour duel of some sort.
     
    Maffmaff, The Dude and Memory like this.
  4. Khettien

    Khettien Perpetually confused

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2016
    Messages:
    279
    Likes Received:
    882
    See, you say that, but history is filled with people picking fights they have no business in, for a huge variety of reasons. Sometimes, they even win them, laying seeds for the next generation's insanity.
     
  5. theaceoffire

    theaceoffire Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2017
    Messages:
    325
    Likes Received:
    3,275
    I would like to say that rape is not a common occurrence when learning how to become military forces... but it also has happened before and probably will happen again, and in a story is much more interesting to have something happen than to have four or five years of 'and then we train some more'.
     
  6. Don-7

    Don-7 Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2019
    Messages:
    149
    Likes Received:
    1,383
    I really hope that there won't be more instances of best girl being raped or almost raped in front Cam or anywhere else.

    Otherwise it's a nice chapter.
     
    Maffmaff, almostinsane and The Dude like this.
  7. Russian conscript

    Russian conscript Getting sticky.

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2020
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    406
    That's nice but I was more talking about cams reaction of "oh geez their tryna rape my maybe but not really girlfriend better choke em a bit an and talk about honnor before kicking another around a little bit" It feels like a really weird interaction and the honnor stuff feels even weirder, hes not a mando and has never shown a real obsession with it so it just comes off as insulting them a bit to me.
     
  8. twilightwanderer

    twilightwanderer Getting out there.

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2018
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    9
    I enjoyed the story as always. However,

    ...really?

    *fishslap*

    That was bad and you should feel bad.

    On a different topic, given that Tor Skirata is here as an instructor, I'm assuming Kal's backstory has been changed somewhat?
     
  9. LEGENDARYNOT

    LEGENDARYNOT Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Feb 29, 2020
    Messages:
    498
    Likes Received:
    2,057
    Time for slaughter, everything must burn
     
  10. The Dude

    The Dude Verified Not Jeff Bridges

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2019
    Messages:
    565
    Likes Received:
    3,575
    Pretty sure, if they tried to cover it up, the results would include something along the lines of Cam staring the adult most responsible for the cover-up in the eyes while he uses the force to simultaneously snap the neck of every recruit involved and then throw the adults involved out the nearest windows.

    However, I'm also quite sure the adults have no desire to cover it up.

    I can see one of two paths here.

    The first: They did say something about recording. Video is pretty open-and-shut.

    The second: Trial by combat. Cam vs all of 'em at once, bracers off. Because sometimes you just want a good ol' gratuitous beatdown.
     
  11. Miestwin

    Miestwin Monster on the outside, bishoujo on the inside

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2018
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    127
    Considering most Mandalorians view most Jedi as dishonorable pacifists, and Cam is a kid to that, it's not very unbelievable they would think "he has no lightsaber, so what he can do against three of us?".
    I got the Thunder, but I'm missing the pun with that one.
     
    almostinsane and LEGENDARYNOT like this.
  12. Zendrelax

    Zendrelax "All yours. I think it always was. Welcome home."

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2020
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    630
    Strictly speaking, it was indeed Force Bullshit. That's not even a lie.
     
  13. tamagat

    tamagat I Find Your Lack of Cake Disturbing.

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2017
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    2,044
    how did the mando develop those force supressing cuffs? i cant find them on the internet.
     
    Maffmaff and Septaemus Meridaeus like this.
  14. USSExplorer

    USSExplorer Doing what's necessary, even if it causes chaos

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2019
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    4,682
    Karen Traviss is the writer of most of the key books about Mandalorian culture in the EU.

    THe honour comment was more for Bo than for the boys. Cam saw a moment where he thought he could get through to Bo about why her father allied with the N-M. But he hadn't exactly thought it through, hence why it sounds... stiff

    Nah, Thunder is someone I know on Discord who suggested Karen Traviss appearing in the story, so it was a bit of a thank you.

    Kai's story might not change, we'll see. But I thought a small call-out to him via his son would be an interesting breadcrumb for the future


    Well, one of those is what will happen. WE'll just have to see which it is next chapter
     
  15. USSExplorer

    USSExplorer Doing what's necessary, even if it causes chaos

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2019
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    4,682
    Likely from wherever they got that cage for Maul. Bo said that Satine had destroyed all the other ones, so nothing says they didn't also have (and then destroy) cuffs that did the same job, though not as effectively.
     
  16. yuuzz

    yuuzz Getting out there.

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2020
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    88
    and the recommendations of this chapter?
     
  17. USSExplorer

    USSExplorer Doing what's necessary, even if it causes chaos

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2019
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    4,682
    The Dude likes this.
  18. Sandsforever

    Sandsforever Getting sticky.

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2020
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    314
    Explorer why do you have to remind me that peeps suck

    if PM wasnt in control I'm sure he would have killed them all

    Le sigh the wait begins anew
     
    Maffmaff and The Dude like this.
  19. Devx13

    Devx13 Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2021
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2
    How far did those guys even go? Torn shirt and what? Makes me uncomfortable thinking about it but I am curious about it because how it might change her character.
     
    The Dude likes this.
  20. The Dude

    The Dude Verified Not Jeff Bridges

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2019
    Messages:
    565
    Likes Received:
    3,575
    Pretty sure exactly what was done is being left vague, both for good taste and because it's more impactful to the audience.

    Reading between the lines, though, I'm pretty sure it didn't get past her being groped.
     
    Septaemus Meridaeus likes this.
  21. twilightwanderer

    twilightwanderer Getting out there.

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2018
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    9
    Got it, that was a nice gesture.

    My memory (supplemented heavily by Wookiepedia) says that Kal never got to train his sons to be Mando. His wife wasn't Mandalorian (Kal wasn't born Mando either, but was adopted young and fully embraced it); anyway, she didn't approve of him starting his sons' training in childhood and ran off with all three kids (2 sons, 1 daughter). If Tor's involved enough in Mandalorian practice and culture to be teaching at their academy, then things have changed.
     
    The Dude likes this.
  22. USSExplorer

    USSExplorer Doing what's necessary, even if it causes chaos

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2019
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    4,682
    Um... whoops. Missed that (as did my lore guys)
    Well, there goes that part of the EU. :p
     
    illerayn and The Dude like this.
  23. twilightwanderer

    twilightwanderer Getting out there.

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2018
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    9
    I can get rather pedantic about Legends EU Novels details, given that they were basically my life right up until Legacy of the Force crushed all further interest (also I got busy with work). I'd imagine the subpopulation of people reading this story who also read the Republic Commando novels AND payed attention to minor backstory details is probably just me, so you're fine.

    Fortunately, this is fanfic. AU is inherent in it's nature, and the first change was 4000 years ago, so who knows what butterflies have flapped in that time. Maybe in this universe, Kalbuir won't end up a cult leader. In other words, It's Not a Bug, It's a Feature!
     
    The Dude and Khettien like this.
  24. almostinsane

    almostinsane Getting sticky.

    Joined:
    May 13, 2018
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    125
    Plot twist: The jury/judges/etc. find the rapist not guilty, but only because half of them want Cam to demand Trial By Combat so they can see if he'll go full Revan or not.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2021
  25. NakedFury

    NakedFury Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2016
    Messages:
    279
    Likes Received:
    1,349
    Prologue 4 so far.
    Making him be so young at the start is way too weird and the way you have him acting makes the suspension of disbelief hard. Acting too much like and older teen than an eight year old.

    The choice to have Gamers Mind be toggle on/off is also weird and sort of takes out from the character to have him turn it off to feel and off not too.

    The other criticism is having the usual cliche responsive sarcastic system.

    as for the story well so far a lost chance to explain how you feel oily or some other negative thing when you saw the corrupting thing about the nexus and well quite disappointed you mentioned the becoming a ruler but dismissed it.
    as gamer the first chapter proved you dont need the Jedi to learn force skills at all. You just need to try stuff out or find holocrons.
     
  26. SRWilsonMR

    SRWilsonMR Something wrong is not right

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2019
    Messages:
    643
    Likes Received:
    6,294
    Serra will really need to talk to someone after that. The girl had no experience with feelings, now add the little trauma that occurred and you have someone who needs a psychologist fast. I recommend someone who is not a jedi, as was shown throughout the work, they are not the best people to talk about it.
     
    Zendrelax and almostinsane like this.
  27. Sandsforever

    Sandsforever Getting sticky.

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2020
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    314

    But we know how the council will deal with it

    The force will fix it fuck it your on your own

    What your a sith now wtf how did that happen

    Edit:Still dont who's worse on child development the jedi council or the PRT?
     
  28. Tersin

    Tersin Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2015
    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    7,246
    The Jedi, easily. The PRT at least will generally leave kids in healthy family environments and send them to school for normal socialization, instead of kidnapping them and raising them in homogeneous lots.
     
  29. SRWilsonMR

    SRWilsonMR Something wrong is not right

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2019
    Messages:
    643
    Likes Received:
    6,294
    The jedi way looks like animes Japanese culture, every time someone suffers a trauma the guys expect the person to be 100% working the next day.
     
  30. USSExplorer

    USSExplorer Doing what's necessary, even if it causes chaos

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2019
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    4,682
    Actually, PM was only on until Nia turned up. Since that was the end of the situation, PM turned off. So Cam's reaction to hearing what the boys did was emotional (and well deserved imo.)

    That was about it. It's implied that when Serra called out to Cam, she also used the Force to push the boys back.
    Bo came in right after that and was able to get between the boys and Serra, which was about where Cam came in.

    Well, you're half right about what they'll do :sneaky:
     
Loading...