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Amelia, Worm AU [Complete]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by TanaNari, Jan 10, 2015.

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  1. meta_halo

    meta_halo Making the rounds.

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    Replace "Khepri" and "Sophia" with any two characters and that's an apt statement of one of the most common problems readers, or consumers of any media, have. It's easy for us to forget that, for the sake of drama, we'll often know things the characters don't ("Grue" is actually Jack Slash! OH NOES!), and vice versa (backstories, the Unspoken Plan Guarantee).

    OTOH, writers (creators) should keep in mind that they know more about the characters than the readers (consumers) do. This is not specifically in response to the debate about Sophia's characterization--it's been in the back of my mind since TanaNari mentioned being disappointed with readers for not noticing / commenting on how quickly Vicky accepted working with the former Bonesaw, or that she'd been tortured by the Yangban, and most recently for not guessing Emma's plans. Personally I adopt a "wait and see" attitude, since I have a hard time reading the author's mind unless something is foreshadowed pretty blatantly.

    The fact that we're dealing with fanfic of a relatively minor character makes things murkier. Was canon!Sophia a true psychopath, or did the conditions for her redemption just not present themselves during the story? Only Wildbow knows for sure, and his answer is probably "yes." Fanfic writers each fill in those gaps in their own ways, or occasionally totally ignore characterization for the sake of humor/drama/wish-fulfillment/whatever. I'm sure there's at least one story that ships Taylor with a supremely tsundere Sophia: "Just because I'm trying to kill you, it doesn't mean I like you or anything! :oops:"

    Anyway, I thought Sophia's characterization was plausible, plus it was a perfect chance to slip in an "I could take her." joke. And speaking of characterization:
    Actually I thought the most telling sign of Sophia's anti-intellectualism was this line:
    Not considering formal speech ("boasts", "premier") to be "real people words" is exactly the kind of sour grapes anti-intellectualism I've seen people display IRL.
    The Psychology Today article you linked distinguishes between primary psychopaths, who are genetically incapable of empathy, and secondary psychopaths, a.k.a. sociopaths, who are more products of their environment. IIRC Sophia became (more) violent after getting her powers, and given what we know of shard influence in general, Earth Bet might need a new classification system:
    Type 1A - genetic (Calvert, probably)
    Type 1B - parahuman-related (Sophia)
    Type 2 - environmental (Jack Fucking Slash)
    Mixed Type (Alec)​
     
  2. Daunmi

    Daunmi Shun the sun, night so nice

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    Sophia: "Time to put you in your place."
    Taylor: "Actually, my 'place' is currently as one half of the military force of an entire world."
    Sophia: "Not without your powers it isn't." *starts swinging in and gets swarmed by mutant bugs*
    Taylor: *standing by not caring* "Yeah, funny thing about that... We programed in instincts, including defending the person that controls them should that control ever be taken away."
     
  3. Snake/Eater

    Snake/Eater Myth Maker of the North

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    I have the Vague idea that Emma's story is similar to Sophia's but I think it's more with the myth of Prometheus.It's a question how big a fire she's going lit and what she will have to pay for it.on a slightly related note I have always had trouble giving a Emma a nickname,But for now.She is.....The Firestarter.
     
  4. LuridThrone

    LuridThrone Sitting On The

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    *opens mouth*
    ...
    *closes*
    You know what? Theres alot of shit id like to see, but how about you keep being awesome? Ill be happy with that. :p
     
  5. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    I do like the rewrite.
     
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  6. pheonix89

    pheonix89 Wanna be game dev

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    It's also reveals how hypocritical Sophia is - Endbringers are pretty much apex predators of capes, you know? Under her alleged philosophy calling someone an Endbringer shouldn't be much of an insult.
     
  7. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    She's trying to insult Emma by calling her a cheat and not human any more.
     
  8. GiftofLove

    GiftofLove A Gift From The Heart

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    Softcore porn has lied to me. This was not the ending I was led to expect.
     
  9. TanaNari

    TanaNari Verified Dick

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    Suckup. :p

    Thanks. It flows so much better and strengthens the chapter a LOT as far as I'm concerned.

    I intentionally leave that up for reader interpretation. Could be either. Could easily be both as well. :p Either way, it's certain that if anyone knows what buttons to press to fuck with Emma's head, it's Sophia.

    I left Sophia's remarks about her cell mate open for interpretation as well. This is one possibility.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2015
  10. The Shadowmind

    The Shadowmind Well worn.

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    Maybe something like this for Taylor.
    [​IMG]
     
  11. evildice

    evildice (emotionally stable clown posse)

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    The background is pretty, but the dress is kinda boring.

    Hmm.

    Maybe something more like one of these...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    (Except more white.)
     
  12. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    No dress, just bugs. Butterflies, covering every inch of their bodies from the neck on down. Always moving, always opening and closing their wings.
     
  13. pepperjack

    pepperjack A Variety of Cheese

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    But the butterflies are only there in the outer layers, to conceal the real bugs.
     
  14. The Shadowmind

    The Shadowmind Well worn.

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    For the fist, that isn't a dress that is a piece of scrap.
    The second one look okay, but doesn't work for wedding dress.
    The hairstyle for the third one, is just... an insult to hair.

    I think the mermaid style of dress work well for Taylor, due to her height and being fairly skinny. Change the color to a powder blue, and add some gossamer wings to the back if you must keep to a bug theme.
     
    Tenebrous Fantasies likes this.
  15. LuridThrone

    LuridThrone Sitting On The

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    i deny nothing!
     
  16. dasstan

    dasstan :)

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    That would be a nice callback to when they discovered the taboo imagery.

    On a more serious suggestion: A really long train, but with built-in anti-grav to make it flow across the ground.
     
  17. evildice

    evildice (emotionally stable clown posse)

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    Ah, that's why you picked the boring dress with a gorgeous background. You can't separate the dress from the rest of the image -- you judge the image as a whole.

    That's a great idea for Amelia's train.

    IMHO Taylor's train ought to fly because it's made of many small wings.
     
  18. GiftofLove

    GiftofLove A Gift From The Heart

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    Have the train carried by a bunch of butterflies. Specifically made fireflies can follow Taylor, a halo of little stars.
     
  19. Mr. Tebbs

    Mr. Tebbs Not too sore, are you?

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    the body of that dress, but then have it taper into something resembling luna moth wings at the top of their swing
    [​IMG]
     
  20. fishbait08

    fishbait08 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Finally caught up with this story, and I do have to say that I've enjoyed everything so far.

    With the latest chapter, really liked how Emma finally told Sophia off and no-sold her attack. Do hope that whatever tricks Sophia might have tried using just then to mess with Emma's mind fail just as miserably as well. Though I do wonder what Taylor will make of that little incident.
     
  21. fishbait08

    fishbait08 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    If you're still taking requests for stuff to happen before the timeskip, then perhaps wrapping up some of the loose ends that people might be wondering about, but wouldn't really be plot points after it, so that it doesn't distract people might be worth a bit of space.

    Off the top of my head, a couple examples that immediately come to mind would be things like whether the remaining Travelers ever made up their minds about whether or not they wanted to go home, or Emma thinking about Madison a couple chapters back because she feels she has some unfinished business with her which gave me another possible one. I know that somewhere way back you said that she probably died in Leviathan's attack on BB or the chaos that followed, but between Emma's line of thought & what happened with Sophia, if it'd make either Emma or Taylor curious enough to take a look, it could make for a point to make a decision on that in-universe one way or another. (If you do decide she's still around after all, unless you have a use for her later on, it's not really important beyond that- something like her being hired to work the front desk alongside Noelle & not really being mentioned afterwards would be a perfectly acceptable outcome of that scenario)
     
  22. Threadmarks: Omake: Sveta, Goddess of Fishermen
    Eevin

    Eevin Getting out there.

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    Sveta, Goddess of Fishermen
    Sveta loved a lot of things: she loved her team, ice-cream, hands, clothes, sunny days, rainy days, zoos, legs... Well, she loved a lot of things, being trapped in a deadly weapon from the deepest abyss of the universe showed you to appreciate the little things in life. But one of her favorite things were tales. She didn't cared whether they where old fairy tales or modern MMORPGs, a well told tale could make her feel brave, and strong and free. Even after Vicky had healed her, and there had been shoes, and hugs, and chocolate every day, Sveta still had loved tales.

    Which explained why she was sitting barefoot in a harbor enthusiastically listening to some amazing stories. There had been epic struggles against fishes longer than a boat, storms that raged for days, mysterious denizens of the deep, and some new insults to use in the next raid.

    "What about you little girl, have you ever fished?" asked a burly man with a beer in his hand and a smile in his lips.

    "No... well... kinda. I mean, I found it, and I kind of dragged it, but I had help, and it wasn't me who... well..."

    "If you hooked the thing it totally counts! Even if someone helps you. You are a small thing."

    "Well, I didn't hooked him, I was more like... bait?"

    "Jailbait" muttered someone, Sveta ignored him.

    "We couldn't see him, even if we knew it was there. So, I went underwater until I found it, I'm a very good swimmer. Of course, the monster wasn't very happy, so he attacked me. Luckily, Alexandria speared him, and we both dragged him to the surface.

    "Alexandria! Fanboys shouldn't have kids," muttered someone else.

    "Well, to be truthful we entertained him while Eidolon dragged the surface to him," continued Sveta, trapped in her own storytelling.

    "Eidolon?"

    "Once it was out of the water, he was a gonner. Atropos made short work of him. Or that is what they told me, I was very hurt after being dragged underwater."

    "Wait, are you telling us you fished Leviathan?"
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2015
  23. The Shadowmind

    The Shadowmind Well worn.

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    Would Taylor get Amelia to grow her hair out longer for the wedding? It would give Amelia more to chew on.
     
  24. Threadmarks: Amelia, Ch 396- Sveta
    TanaNari

    TanaNari Verified Dick

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    Amelia, Ch 396- Sveta


    Living on base had its perks, like not having to pay for my own room or electricity. It also came with drawbacks, like being at work for an average of twenty hours a day. I slipped on the biosuit that Vicky gave me as a Christmas-in-July gift. She refused to say how much she had to pay Avalon's Tinkers to make something with absolutely no real combat value at all, but I suspected it was either an awful lot, or completely free. All I knew is it was awesome.

    "Sundress four. Medium red, white trim." Shimmering silver light formed around my hips and down my legs, generated by shielding from Khonsu tissue. The mass of Yggdrasil making my suit spread along the shield in thin, organic sheets. The shields collapsed and the skirt fell around my knees, acting like any other fabric. I looked at myself in the mirror. I frowned at the contrast of the look against my skin. I may have the shape of a beautiful young woman, but I look more like those dumb Roswell aliens, with creepy gray skin and solid black eyes.


    "Add long sleeves, add gloves, add leggings." I watched as the shimmer extended, covering every inch of skin below my neck. The new additions were white. Great, now I look like alien Santa. "Medium blue trim." I waited a second, looking in the mirror and deciding if I enjoyed the color pattern enough. "Light blue trim." Okay, that's a lot better. No, not quite. "Shorten sleeves to halfway between elbow and shoulder." My arms were exposed again. I am not going to hide who I am.


    I walked out into the living area. Derek was there as usual. The boy lived here as well, and I often wondered why he never put a TV in his room. I smiled, it was nice to see him around at least. "So, how are you holding up?"


    He looked away from the nature documentary he was watching. "I'm just... I dunno. The place feels so empty, now. First we lost GL, then Boost, and now Crystal's finally left. What are we supposed to do? What's going to happen to the rest of us?"


    I don't know. What would Vicky do? Rush in and save the day with sheer badassery, that's what. I walked up and rested a hand on his shoulder. "We keep moving forward. We're still scary powerful. And we're still part of the most powerful team in the universe."


    "What about-"


    "Eidolon doesn't count."


    He smiled. "I just miss them, y'know? Well, GL and Crystal. Boost was kind of a-"


    "Self obsessed douche bag?" I let him nod, then continued. "Yeah, I know. I miss them, too." GL was always everyone's big brother, in the not-unfortunate-implications meaning of the word. Always ready to help, never willing to let others help him. Crystal was much the same. They were closer to each other than any other combination on this team. If they ever talked about their own problems, then it was only to each other.


    "Does this mean that Sabah's in charge, now? Where is she, anyway?"


    I really hope not. "I think she's dealing with her latest breakup with Lily."


    He rolled his eyes. "Again? What was it this time?"


    "Again. Apparently they're mad at each other for flirting with another woman."


    "Well, if they both did it, then what's the point of fighting about it?"


    "They were both flirting with the same other woman. Or at least that's what Vicky tells me." Derek just looked at me like he couldn't figure out what I just said. "Yeah, she thought it was stupid, too." And mentioned a few creative solutions I'm not going to repeat. "So, I was about to head to the deli. Would you like me to pick you up something?"


    "Uh. Sure, that salami you brought back last time was really good. See if they have more?"


    "Got it." I lifted up the plastic bucket I normally used to collect my supplies and headed off.


    ....


    'Deli' wasn't quite the appropriate term. 'Giant meat market' was more accurate. With all the Asian refugees, a dead Leviathan, and the need for large amounts of food to ship to the colonies, the newly revitalized fishing industry was doing wonderfully. I took a deep breath as soon as I got close. Most of the people here shopping were Asian, with the other ethnicities mainly being limited to the dock workers. I chose to pretend the stares I got were for wearing such a beautiful outfit to a place like this. This outfit, this body, both gifts given to me by Victoria. We are both beautiful.


    I made my way straight to Wu's Butcher Shop and Deli. After Lily introduced me to sushi, I discovered I had a taste for fresh, raw, seafood. Wu was an older Korean man who barely spoke enough English to not need my translation device, and had a wider variety than pretty much anyone. More importantly, he didn't blink an eye at my abnormal request. He even refused to charge me. I still paid for everything else, despite his arguments that he owed his success to what I did against Leviathan.


    I smiled as I stepped in. Tony was in today, I recognized his medium brown mop of hair immediately. He smiled right back. "Hey, Sveta, here for the usual?"


    I glanced self consciously at a few of the others. Most of the customers didn't speak a lot of English, and neither did the employees. Tony was one of only a few exceptions, hired because, to quote the boss, 'white people money good as anyone else'. The part where he was young, fit, and worked more in the stockroom than out front was probably part of it, too. "Yeah, the usual. And two pounds of salami."


    He smiled, and tapped the counter. A younger asian girl, who was probably only barely old enough to be allowed a job approached. He pointed at the salami and held up to fingers, then pointed at me. She smiled and nodded. Then Tony reached out and took my bucket, heading into the back. By the time the meat was sliced and packaged and paid for, all done by simple gestures and the numbers shown on the cash register, Tony had returned carrying the sealed five gallon bucket.


    "Here's the second half of your order." He held it out for me. It wasn't that heavy, only twenty or thirty pounds, but he used both hands anyway, so I could easily grip the center of the bar while my other hand was full. He hesitated, not taking his hands off the bucket, his thumbs brushing against either side of my fingers where I held. "I wanted to ask you something."


    I looked up at him. He wasn't that tall for a guy, about average. But I wasn't tall for a girl, either, so he had a few inches on me. "Okay?"


    "Well, uh, I was wondering if you'd, umm, like to go on a date?"


    What?


    I said nothing. I just stepped back, turned, and walked out of the building as fast as I could, carrying the roughly forty pound bucket with me.


    ....


    It would be three weeks before I returned again. I had my outfit low key this time. Shoes, jeans, a hoodie. Maybe if I was lucky I could slip in and out without being noticed. There was a new guy there. Black, highschool or maybe college age like most of Wu's employees. School was due to start soon, so probably college. He stared at me for a second after I approached, the look of a deer in headlights. Prey terrified by a predator. Scared of a monster. The natural reaction when first seeing my face. "I'm here to make an order. Just tell Mister Wu that Sveta's here for her usual. He'll know what to do."


    "Umm, yes ma'am." The guy bolted for the back. Another of the other newbies stared at me, as well as several of the customers, while I purchased a large slab of halibut for the whole group to enjoy. There was a general chatter and some people angrily hissed at the rude ones under their breaths. I recognized my name, and the words 'Pantheon' and 'Leviathan' from a couple of those. I could guess the tone of the conversations from that.


    The new guy came out carrying the bucket, and it turns out that yes, black people are capable of sickly pallor. He held the bucket as if it were filled with gallons of Ebola, with one hand, and trembling the whole time. When my hand brushed his to get the grip, he pulled back as if afraid I'd be taking his hand with the bucket. If not for my superhuman reaction speed, the bucket would have dropped and spilled its contents all over the floor. Wu's going to fire this guy so hard the moment one of the other employees tell him about this. I didn't feel as bad about that as I would have liked.


    I was almost out the door when I heard a voice behind me. "Sveta! Wait!"


    I hesitated, glancing back at Tony. Dammit. I couldn't decide if I wanted to run or stay, and in my hesitation I stayed. Tony caught up to me. "Look, about the other week. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I just... I'm sorry. I'll never bring it up again, okay?"


    "Why would you be interested in the first place?"


    "I don't know how to explain it. You're smart, and nice, and I just like you, okay?"


    He likes me? God, that sounds like a silly middleschool thing. What's next, passing papers with little hearts drawn on them? And as stupid as it is, it still makes me happy. I met his eyes now. I suppose he is attractive, in an average sort of way. Certainly not ugly, certainly someone who wouldn't have much trouble finding an ordinary girlfriend. Maybe he's just a pervert? "You don't know anything about me."


    He shrugged. "I know a few things. I know you are brave enough to fight Leviathan one on one in the middle of the ocean. You're a major celebrity with all kinds of cool tech, but you still walk miles down to the docks to buy your food yourself. Which you pay for despite knowing the owner would happily give you all of it for free."


    Okay, maybe he does know something about me.


    "And I suspect that you don't even eat the food you buy. You prefer." He hesitated, his eyes going to the bucket I was carrying. "Well."


    Full of the heads and tails cut off of the fish Mister Wu sells. My own personal dining preference. I didn't enjoy the entrails, though I didn't mind them too much, either. What hit my pallate just right were the bony parts. Something with a good crunch to it. Raw and as fresh as I could get it. Straight off the still living fish was my favorite, but that bothered me on a different level. I didn't like killing. I didn't like that I did like killing.


    I noticed he was waiting for me to say something. "Well, I guess that's a start."


    He smiled nervously. "And most importantly, I know I'd like to know more."


    ==============


    A/N- D'aww.

    Also- for those not reading the comments section. I edited the bottom of the last chapter at some point last night. The last two paragraphs might be new for you. And they're a LOT better than what was originally there.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2015
  25. dasstan

    dasstan :)

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    Heh.

    Awkward Sveta is awkward.
     
  26. Leonidas333

    Leonidas333 Well-Known Murderhobo

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    You write the best fluff.
     
  27. Diller

    Diller Versed in the lewd.

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    Sabah and Lily have one of those on again, off again relationships?

    Facepalm
     
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  28. Mr. Tebbs

    Mr. Tebbs Not too sore, are you?

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    well, Vicky and Dean can't have their on again-off again relationship anymore... which lends credence to the claim, there must be strictly greater than zero and strictly less than two makeup/breakup couples on the team at all times
     
  29. LuridThrone

    LuridThrone Sitting On The

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    So sabah and lily were flirting with the any-body-fluid-is-fine trump vampire girl? Why am i worried?

    Also, sveta is adorable.
     
  30. The Shadowmind

    The Shadowmind Well worn.

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    Arc-Banana would be up for sharing, but drama between those two is unavoidable.

    Agreed with Sveta.
     
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