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Amelia, Worm AU [Complete]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by TanaNari, Jan 10, 2015.

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  1. pepperjack

    pepperjack A Variety of Cheese

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    They've got Rapture. Also, Miss Alcott if they need a fifth for whatever reason.
     
  2. abyssmal_kismet

    abyssmal_kismet Experienced.

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    I suppose Rapture would work, but I don't think Dinah would take the thinker headaches needed to use her power that extensively for a game.
     
  3. pepperjack

    pepperjack A Variety of Cheese

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    These six lines were my favorite bit.

    Also, I know it's not going to happen, but... the comparison of the hallways and lighting in the Cauldron base vs. the giant treehouse got me wondering, briefly, whether Alexandria might be successfully tempted to defect to Pantheon.
     
  4. Snake/Eater

    Snake/Eater Myth Maker of the North

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    With practice she might be able to surpass her limit til she reaches a headache after all chess is just a different form of combat,her shard could be hurting her because she never uses it for conflict.in canon Lisa was able to expand her limit because she was always inconstant conflict.buts its for the best she never plays chess... she cheats.:p
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2015
  5. nebelmann

    nebelmann Making the rounds.

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    I wonder if Alexandria capable of sex with her invulnerability. Or she and Lisa will have to dig out Hatchet Face corpse to make it possible. Hmmm If they can resurrect Hatchet face his power can help Labyrinth and it will complete 'cute girls of Worm' set they gathering. Vista, Dinah, Riley and Labyrinth riding ponies and just being adorable.

    Edit: Dammit I have forgot about Sveta! No Sveta, no full cute girls set, no ponies!
     
  6. Snake/Eater

    Snake/Eater Myth Maker of the North

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    that is way too gross...even for me.my people invented debauchery,necrophilia is wrong.
     
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  7. nebelmann

    nebelmann Making the rounds.

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    No no no no no no no. I mean dig out his corpse. And use same trick Bonesaw did in canon to copy his powers. There is lots of parahumans out there who can use a switch off option.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2015
  8. Snake/Eater

    Snake/Eater Myth Maker of the North

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    Somebody should totally make a "A Christmas Carol" omake staring Accord,he's the prefect Scrooge.he's an amazing character,brilliant but cruel.a man trying to cure world hunger so desperate that he becomes a criminal by the world he's trying to save.what kind of past shapes a person like that.what kind of future is there for man like that but a early grave.

    Thanks again, abyssmal_kismet i did not see the quotation.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2015
  9. abyssmal_kismet

    abyssmal_kismet Experienced.

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    That would be fucking amazing, but I have no idea why you posted where you did, quoting what you did.
     
  10. GiftofLove

    GiftofLove A Gift From The Heart

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    Why was Zach not there to ask if it's strip poker, and if yes, can he watch? (He cheats, so they don't let him play.)

    Also, I'm getting just a little tired of Victoria's... herness.
     
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  11. Peanuckle

    Peanuckle Versed in the lewd.

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    She's so hyped on being alive and having powers that she couldn't resist playing one-upswoman with the "most invincible woman in the world."

    Poor form for a party, but Vicky is Vicky.

    I also enjoyed the Minerva/Alexandria "conversation." Interesting how they got so familiar with each-others' movements so quickly. I wonder why we didn't see this sort of thing more often in canon.
     
  12. tordg

    tordg (Unverified Idiot)

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    Yeah a long dash or an ellipsis would be more normal there. A period is usable, but would imply the most emphatic pause possible, while it seems to be consensus that you were going for something a bit less than that. If you choose not to change it, then we will have to change our interpretation to something significantly... more. Like, really significantly more emphatic, to the point we're supposed to worry about Carol? Eh, I'm drunk, so I've prolly bolluxed my logic somewhere towards the end... I feel that an ellipsis would best indicate a pause to carefully consider how to phrase the rest of the sentence though.
    Seconding this.
    Also loving the 'conversation' and I totes want to see more.
     
  13. Threadmarks: Amelia, Ch 240- Taylor
    TanaNari

    TanaNari Verified Dick

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    Amelia, Ch 240- Taylor


    CuriosityAmusement. "So, what was that about?" Amelia asked, leaning her head against my shoulder. She'd been in a particularly 'cuddly' mood lately, for whatever reason. I wasn't complaining, although given the nature of this gathering, it might have bordered on too much PDA.


    "You know how your sister might be clinically insane?" I teased.


    "Which one?" Amelia deadpanned. "And what did she do this time?"


    "Well, in about fifteen seconds, she managed to threaten to murder Alexandria, and then invited her to a poker game. In that order." She knew I was talking about Victoria, already. Riley, and for that matter the rest of the kids, were spending their time with their own private party. Riley because she had to, Missy because she preferred to spend time with Riley. Which meant Theo, Trevor, Emma and Zach had managed to bow out of the officially adult party.


    ExasperationResignation. "Remind me again why I let her join the team?"


    "Eye candy?" I suggested. AmusementAnnoyance. She smiled. I had to admit, it felt good to know we were at the point where we could joke about that. "You don't have to worry, though. Alexandria handled it well enough. Thanks for turning off the Yggdrasil's 'eat all bugs' feature."


    "Just don't abuse the privilege too much," she warned. "A girl could get insecure knowing her date is paying attention to everyone at the party except her. Now dish on all the juicy conversations."


    "Isn't this a violation of privacy?" I asked.


    "It's a party," she countered. "Unless they sneak off to the bathroom together, they can't complain if someone overhears their conversation."


    "So... leave Dad and Sarah alone, got it."


    "First, eww," Amelia smacked my side lightly. "Second, they're over there talking to Crystal. So you can tell me."


    'You'll get to try it out soon enough,' Crystal said to her mom. 'The next upgrade will be ready in a month or so. It's so much better than this one. Three times the battery life, better forcefield augmentation, anti-power features.'

    'Isn't this your fifth upgrade?' Sarah asked. 'I thought you said the last one was the limit of the tech.'

    'It was, then,' Crystal replied. 'Now it's not. You know how Tinkers get.'​


    "Crystal's giving your aunt another hand me down top of the line battle suit."


    "Again?" she sighed. "See, this is why I'm glad I'm not part of that conversation. Sounds boring. What else have we got."


    'Yours, too, huh?' A woman laughed. I didn't recognize. 'Mine was convinced he'd become a hero ever since he was six.'

    'With Vicky it was always Alexandria,' Mark agreed. Is he flirting with her? I couldn't tell, but the woman was definitely flirting with him. 'She spent all of middle school with her hair dyed black.'

    'Trevor made me get him that one swimsuit calender Legend was in,' the woman, who I was now assuming was Trevor's mother for all the obvious reasons, leaned in a little closer. 'You know, I bought another one just for me.'

    'Vicky had that one, too,' Mark laughed. 'My Amy said it was tacky. Guess I know why, now.'

    'You can always spot the ones who'll turn out like that early,' the woman replied. 'She's not wrong, though. It was definitely tacky.'​


    "Your mom's talking business again," I offered. No way in hell am I telling her about her dad flirting with Trevor's mom.


    "Who's her victim this time?"


    "Mister Barnes," I informed.


    "Well, that's not so bad," she replied. "I'll remember to avoid them like the plague."


    I found myself agreeing with her fully. Emma's parents were not on my list of favorite people. I still remembered how her dad functionally blackmailed mine. The asshole still hadn't even offered an apology. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't even realize what he did was wrong. Lucky us, he was a divorce lawyer. Saved me the awkwardness of telling him to go try to shove a stick up Leviathan's ass. Of course, it also cost me the satisfaction of doing that very thing. I'd have to settle for the fact that Emma avoided him almost as much as I did.


    My thoughts must have bled into the link, because Amelia gave me an extra tight hug. "Hey, am I going to have to distract you? I can always drag you back to our room until dinner starts. In fact, I might just do that anyway."


    I poked her nose. "You do realize I'm under aged, right?"


    "Excuses, excuses," she sighed. "I could just drag you over to Avalon. No laws there at all. Or are you going to pull the 'waiting until marriage' line, because at this rate..." she trailed off, not mentioning the elephant in our room. There were now two Endbringers we didn't know how to kill. And at least three more coming that we knew nothing about, but were probably just as hard to kill. Trading their offensive potential for even greater defensive power, the way Barghest and Khonsu had been built.


    "Speaking of," I changed the subject. "Lily's postponing hers indefinitely. We have to worry about that."


    "Good," Amelia insisted. "I know it might cost us our colony plans, but we can make up for that other ways. Open invitation to all refugees is a start. But forcing her into a marriage she doesn't want. Even if it was her idea. I won't-"


    'I was beginning to worry you wouldn't show up,' Lisa spoke to Alexandria.

    'Can't allow myself to appear over eager,' the woman answered easily. 'I hope I'm not interrupting your conversation, Miss Alcott.'

    'That's quite alright,' the little girl replied. 'We weren't discussing anything of consequence.' 'And I should make my rounds. Networking is an unfortunately necessary part of the job.'​


    I still didn't like how adult she felt the need to act. WorryHorrorLoss. My attention snapped back to Amelia. "Oh god, Taylor," she muttered. GuiltFear. "I didn't mean. I know our engagement is. You don't have to if you don't want, you know I'd never expect-"


    I put a hand over her mouth. "That's not the problem," I insisted.


    "Mmmph mp?" ConfusionHope.


    "No," I insisted. "I was just listening in on Dinah talking to Lisa and Alexandria."


    "Mmm," ReliefHumiliation. I let my hand off her mouth. "Sorry, there was just this weird combination of nostalgia, regret, and obligation. I thought, given the subject. I am such an idiot sometimes."


    "Hey," I turned toward her and rested my forehead on hers. "Listen to me. There are a lot of things I regret. Things I'd do differently if given the opportunity. You are not one of those things. Except the part with the bank. And unless you want to watch me cry, don't mention ending our engagement again, okay?"


    ConcernJoyAgreementLove. "Okay," she agreed.


    "Now, say hello to Dinah," I instructed her as I broke our impromptu huddle.


    "Hi, Dinah," Amelia spoke as she turned away from me and toward Dinah.


    "I was about to leave, actually," she spoke up. "I wouldn't want to intrude on a private moment."


    "Don't worry about it," Amelia replied, her emotions smoothed and her voice relaxed. "Taylor and I can talk whenever we like."


    "We probably should spend more time with our guests," I admitted reluctantly. I still wasn't fond of socializing. "There was a reason we invited all these people, after all. And it wasn't so they could eat all our food."


    "Very well," Dinah agreed. "I just wanted to thank you for your help. It's come to my attention that I'm too... aloof... of late, and I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate everything you've done for me. The numbers are looking better every day, lately."


    How long have I wanted to hear those words? Amelia squeezed my hand as my emotional surge hit her. I smiled. "Thank you, that means a lot," I insisted.


    "I'd also like to thank the girl who made my gryphon," Dinah requested.


    ConcernHesitation. "That was..."


    "Please don't lie to me," Dinah replied. "By virtue of my interactions with Lisa, I'm aware of a great deal of information, and as often as you call on my power for your needs, I've picked up a few other details. Spare me the literal headache of doing this the hard way."


    WorryResignation. "Well, I think she's got us," Amelia admitted.


    "I'll take you to them," I offered. "So, how long have you known?" I asked her as I broke my hand hold with Amelia and guided the girl toward the labs.


    "Approximately a day and a half before you released me from Coil's custody," she informed me.


    =================

    A/N- I decided to use a similar technique to the TV thing for Taylor's 'bug senses'. Lemme know what you think.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2015
  14. evildice

    evildice (emotionally stable clown posse)

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    Worked well, except for the first passage which got repeated (assuming copy/paste error).
     
  15. KaiserDrgn

    KaiserDrgn (Verified Dragon)

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    Got a repeated bit here and completely missing any scene with Carol and Mr. Barnes.

    This is why Dinah is fucking awesome.
     
  16. nebelmann

    nebelmann Making the rounds.

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    A little to young for fucking, but yeah she is super awesome. And it is so cute when children trying to act adult.
     
  17. TanaNari

    TanaNari Verified Dick

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    This part's intentional.
     
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  18. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    Repeated chunk.
    Umm, why do they think there's "at least 3 more" Endbringers they haven't seen yet?
    I'm not 100% sure, but I think this bit shouldn't be indented, since it's the character's thoughts rather the part of the scene she's observing.
    Never has a question about how long they've knows something to a precog. The answer will either boggle your mind, piss you off, or both; there are no other options.
     
  19. DeAnno

    DeAnno Power over Versatility

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    I'm not sure about the bug senses indent thing. It's a bit easier to read, and probably easier to write too, but the usual immersive narrative of Taylor's near-omniscience is an interesting part of the power and the character. Breaking out into indents separates the power from Taylor a little bit more, which might be questionable stylistically.
     
  20. SirKaid

    SirKaid Know what you're doing yet?

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    Typo on previous chapter

    Lisa said that there would probably be 7 or 9 of them based on her hypothesis of the human creator's psyche. They've currently seen five of them (Ziz, Ben, Levi, Barghest, and Khonsu) so if you don't count Ziz because she's dead, 4+3=7.
     
  21. tkioz

    tkioz Getting sticky.

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    I spent like five minutes going "who the hell is Becky?" before I started reading and worked it out.

    TanaNari you are a magnificent troll :p
     
  22. Daunmi

    Daunmi Shun the sun, night so nice

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    Intentional because you're doing it in one of the next chapters, or because they're pretty much inconsequential characters at this point, so you're sparing us useless detail?

    'Yes' isn't an answer. Though now that I've said that, I'm half (ok, 3/4) expecting it to be the one I get.

    Better then me. For god knows what reason I thought Becky was Victoria. Actually had to re-read the first few paragraphs because nothing was making sense.
     
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  23. tEN

    tEN Mischief Maker

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    That's why there's a time limit.
     
  24. Addlcove

    Addlcove Getting sticky.

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    Yay! Dinah and Riley being friendly can only be a good thing!
     
  25. Coruscant Knave

    Coruscant Knave 'Twas love that did this to you.

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    It's intentional because it alludes to her ability to multitask and because she mirrors that she isn't telling Amy everything she hears (we saw what she didn't tell her, she told her what we didn't see).

    It also just isn't necessary to repeat the information (though it could still be actually relevant - I can't remember if Carol and Mark ever actually separated).

    I really like the voice you have for Dinah, and even as she's trying to be all grown up she still is all "I totes love my flying kitty eagle and can I go play with the kids?"

    Nice to hear the royal wedding is off.

    Mr. Barnes. I see you're still just awful.

    Edit: Any one not referring to Alaxandria as Becky is the one trolling.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2015
  26. Shader

    Shader Lurking Aussie

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    Reminds me of an old gaming proverb:

    "Ask not the Eldar a question, for they will give you three answers, all of which are true and terrifying to know." - Codex: Eldar, 4th Edition

    Shader
     
  27. GiftofLove

    GiftofLove A Gift From The Heart

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    If you go over you have to flash Zach your tits. Zach loves Super Poker Night.

    I love this line of humor a little too much.
     
  28. Malfunctioning Hugbot

    Malfunctioning Hugbot Spriggy Tomboy

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    Shipping goggles, engaged.

    I like the indents, it works for keeping the flow, while differentiating the perspectives.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2015
  29. thatavidreader

    thatavidreader Getting out there.

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    If I may ask, how did Dinah realize that Bonesaw was going to make her a gryphon several weeks from the point, when she was still drugged and controlled by Coil?
     
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  30. dasstan

    dasstan :)

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    She looked into the future.
     
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