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Characters, give me your thoughts?

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Its_a_cauldron_plot!, Jul 8, 2020.

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  1. Threadmarks: Protaginists: Primary
    Its_a_cauldron_plot!

    Its_a_cauldron_plot! ( Or is it Simurgh?)

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    Hello there! I have some characters I am making for a story I plan to write, and I would love some feed back. I have 5 set up with some basic backstory and goals for them. Tell me what you think?


    The setting is medium fantasy, where magic is something people are born with. Everyone can see it, some people can actually manipulate it, and the strength of each persons magic depends on how much they had at birth, and how much they are willing to work at it. Fairies and Eldritch elements do exist, and later on the eldritch parts will become more common. There were gods, but not anymore. Story is still being fleshed out, much like the characters.





    Amelia: The daughter of a farmer with a deep talent for nature magic, she is drawn to a group of rebels and joins them in their quest to defeat the queen Synthia.( She needs to learn how to access the stronger part of her abilities) Heart.





    Jacob: The son of a miner he has always had a strong connection to the earth, even without his vast reserves of earth magic. When a dragon came to his town and burned it to the ground, he left to join Amelia. Alex who promised him he would help if he joined. Went to live with Amelia after his town was burned.( Needs to work out constantly, and hates being in the sky.) Big Guy





    Nix: Born to a poor father and a thief mother, she learned how to cloak herself in shade. With her deep if somewhat fragile connection to shadows, she can seem to vanish in them, and even can shadow step. If she does it too many times though she may find she won't be able to leave. She wants a life of adventure and riches. ( Until she can find a way to strengthen her connection to her magic, she risks losing herself to her power.) Lancer.





    Alex: Son of a military leader, he fled from his uncles coup which killed his father. He later found out that if was supported by Synthia, and wants to kill her, but first must get his kingdom back.. Has a growing attraction to Nix, and he suspects she shares it, but is unsure of how to deal with it. Has a strong connection to Thunder and the sky. ( If his family is brought up, then he can become blinded by hate. Needs to learn to calm down.) Leader.





    Minx: A student who was born blind but can see through the eyes of animals. She has a pack of three dogs she likes to keep around, and can often be found with them in her lap, book in front of them. Wants to learn as much as she can to try and find a way to fix her eyes. ( No normal magic can fix her eyes, and she would need the god of healing to do so.) Mind.
     
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  2. DeviantSix

    DeviantSix Going forth into the tide of Content

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    This all looks like a good basis so far. Of course their stories need fleshing out, but all in all this looks good. One thing you might want to address is whether or not this will be adventure-based, or has the ultimate goal of overthrowing the Queen. A couple other thing to consider/note:

    1. Methods/aftermath of taking down the Queen (if that is an objective). Everyone will have their own opinion on just how to take down the Queen (methods to use, lines to cross and not cross, potential allies to be either made or discarded), as well as what will come afterwards (how to rebuild, what sort of government to install afterwards: relative of the current monarch or something different, balance of power between the various power blocs afterwards, etc.). It would also be a good idea to go over some ideals/policies that some of the characters/others that oppose the Queen might share with her, anything from 'insert nation is a grave threat, and should be watched closely' to something more peaceful such as advocation for research into better mining techniques.

    2. Roles and skills. You've already touched upon that a good amount, but expanding on it would be good. Maybe make apparent the actual classes they would fall under.

    3. Upcoming threats and situations. When you do write the story, I'm going to assume that there will be a good many situations and scenarios that come up unexpected with no prior warning. Just as that might be though, setting up foreshadowing and background for some other such issues would be a good idea. Something like alluding to the presence or history of a local threat that down the line might pop up in discussion again or be focused on or having signs pop up that a character might have a problem with something but having it so that some of those signs aren't too noticable until after the problem is fully presented would be cool. Of course there are many other things on this topic, but in short don't have it be like a cartoon episode, where the problem suddenly appears and is solved quickly.

    4. POV. In this case it's your choice, but I'd either recommend sticking primarily to one person's POV or have it generally be a 3rd person POV with switches to 1st person for different characters from time to time. Stick largely to the group, but doing a POV of someone outside the group can be done right, with most likely scenarios being just after, during, or before a conversation between a character and the person, at the end of a chapter, or as an entire chapter itself.

    That's all I can think of off of the top of my head. Keep in mind that I'm not an expert and that this is just an opinion mixed in with some of my own advice. Also, sorry if this is any way seems overbearing or condensending or too much (not sure as to exact wording), especially since I just realized you might've meant just stuff involving the characters themselves and not general story/writing feedback, let alone a list like what I did. Either way, I'm curious to see just how this turns out.
     
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  3. Threadmarks: Antagonists: Synthias faction
    Its_a_cauldron_plot!

    Its_a_cauldron_plot! ( Or is it Simurgh?)

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    Synthia: A being called an outsider, Synthia was summoned by a weak warlock and their cult, seeking labor for their camp. She proved to be much more than they were able to contain and quickly devoured them, taking their power and faces for herself. She took to wandering, soon finding Nova and following her to find purpose. She made many friends and allies, slowly coming to the conclusion that the reason so many monsters and horrifying creatures exist is because the gods are not doing what they should be. This sense only increased, as well as her anger, when Nova was captured and locked away by her fellow godlings. Wanting to get her, friend?, back, she gathered a group of monsters and disgruntled people to rise against them. After defeating them, her group fell to inviting and old grudges, and spends quite a long time fixing and pulling together people to form a nation, as well as deal with the fallout of the gods going away. She now is trying to find a way to free Nova, as well as create alliances with other nations. Uses a two handed axe. She has shaped her outsider form to look like a dragon, as tribute to her love of all things scaled. Also has a red gem she uses to hide her features, but staring into her eyes for too long causes a sense of unease. Signature power is a black flame that takes much longer to heal than regular injuries. ( Has a blinding hatred of servants of the gods and the actual gods, sees the world as hers to fix up as she sees fit, is blind to some of her friends faults, sometimes treats those younger than her as children, even if they are not. Sometimes has trouble connecting to others, but can fake it fairly well.)



    Beawulf: He is the son of a raider and the Fairy Queens guard, who dropped him off at his fathers doorstep before anyone on the court could find out about him. When he was a young child Synthia tried to broker peace with the raiders, but ended up wiping them out. She then took him as her own, raising him to her own standards in the palace. One eye is damaged from a training exercise with his father, but the other one can see through illusions, and he is fairly good at telling truth from lie. ( Has issues with lies, bit of a perfectionist, has depth issues because of damaged eye.)



    Apprentice, AKA Amy genta: A Warlock that draws power from Synthia herself, she is usually seen at Beawulfs side. She lacks fine control but makes up for it with brute force, as well as a penchant for stabbing people in their knees. Tends to cut her tongue on her sharp teeth, and can see in the dark. ( Seeks approval from those she sees as above her, is always running out of ointment for her cuts. Needs to stay on Synthias side or she will lose her power)


    Brute: A golem with limited intellegence, it serves as the muscle to round out Beawulfs and Apprentices little squad. Is made of stone and powered by magic. ( Can be defeated with enough force. Needs to have their core recharged every 2 days. Limited intellegence.)
     
  4. Threadmarks: Fey wild major characters
    Its_a_cauldron_plot!

    Its_a_cauldron_plot! ( Or is it Simurgh?)

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    Fey Queen: Also known as Tiania, she is the twin ruler of the sub dimension called the Fey Wild or the green forest.

    She enjoys her power and keeps her subjects entertained by attacking the winter court and raiding the middle world. She is a ruler of slavers and murders, who have their own twisted sense of fun and honor, keen to play mind games and crooked deals.

    She seeks to keep her kingdom runing off the back of those she captures, and thinks that as long as she dosent take too ma y at a time, she should be fine. She uses a rapier made from a large thorn.

    Her portion of the Fey Wild changes people's appearance based off blood purity. If you are a full Summer court Fey, you appear beautiful and elf like. If you have half fey, half anything else, you appear as a human with animal features. If you have no Fey Blood, then you are the turned into an animal that most accurately represents you. This can be broken by sheer power, but would take god like strength to break.

    ( Her end is she gets devoured whole by Synthia)





    Frost: Queen of the other portion of the Fey Wild, she has become jaded by her sisters actions, and o longer tries to keep her from attacking the middle world, just keep them from taking her subjects.

    She is highly militaristic and respects strength, and mocks those who refuse to fight.

    She keeps her kingdom rubbing by digging further I to the ground for resources, her people barely needing food to survive for long distances.

    She tends to use a axe made from ice.

    Her people tend to be straight forward, and their appearance shows. Few look like the elven beauties of the summer court, but many look short and squat, having thick muscles and a talent for smithing, and creating other things

    Her portion of the Fey Wild does not change people's appearance, but does tend to dampen their emotions.




    Captain of the Summer guard: birth mother of Beowulf. More to come later.

    Captain of the Winter guard: husband of Ice. More to come later.
     
  5. Threadmarks: Synthia grows tired of waiting
    Its_a_cauldron_plot!

    Its_a_cauldron_plot! ( Or is it Simurgh?)

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    " Are you comfortable? The treats the chefs made for your cats are for your liking I hope." Synthia smiled at the blind girl who was fidgeting in her chair, a cat in her lap. She could not bring herself to keep looking at Synthias unnerving yellow- orange eyes, glancing down to look at the bowl of chocolate that sat between the two.

    " Yes, of course their delicious, but..." she couldn't find it in herself to ask her host for anything, considering just the other day she had denied her what she had begged for. Begged and pleased, promising many, many things. It had almost scared when she had left snarling. It scared her now that her face was blank neutrality

    " But what?" The pale woman leaned forward, looking into Minx'x eyes. " Is there something missing?"

    " My cat, she could use a bit of fresh meat." Synthia merely gave a smile and a nod, a servant appearing with a small pile of diced chicken bits. The servant slid it over to Minx who put it in front of her cat, who then promptly started to eat it.

    " Now, " Synthia continued, her eyes locked onto the blank milky white of Minx's. " I want you to tell me a story. Tell me," she smirked, " the story of how the gods fell. I assume you know it?"

    " Of course I do." Minx said, slightly offended. " It takes place after they locked away Nova, the goddess of stars." She started tugging on her fingers. " No one quite knows why, but it seems the reasons change with each telling, with some citing spite and jealousy from her beautiful creations to fear of her being corrupted by an outsider. No matter the reason, the lord of the sky locked her away, her prison hidden somewhere and guarded by the goddess of time."

    " They were spiteful enough to do that." Synthia mused softly. " Please, continue."

    Minx hesitated, a cautious look over her face. " Were, were you around-"

    " Continue. The story."

    " Right." Minx cleared her throat. " Anyway, after she was locked away the gods were busy for the next few years with a series of uprisings and invasions from the fey, demons, and some group who used a dragon as their symbol." Leaning forward, Minx grinned, rapidly tapping her fingers against the table, getting a peeved look from her cat. " I think a rare kind of royal was leading them, maybe an exiled queen!"

    Synthia hummed and tilted her hand back and forth. " Hmm, not too far off. Keep going."

    " Soon this alliance marched on the home of the gods and burned the city to its foundation using some sort of, flame based weapon. A black flame that made even divine healing difficult, and mortal means near impossible." Minx frowned, placing a hand on her pets head and letting it rub against her fingers. " But, records from that time are incomplete, and nothing I've found mentions what the weapon was. No machine, no ritual or alchemy. And in the end, it didn't even matter as it fell into factions and infighting."

    Synthia, having been quietly sitting and listening this entire time, let out a soft sigh. " It's true, we did. With the gods gone, old grudges and tempers rose up after the celebrating died down, and not even my promise of treasure could keep it down for long. There were just too many wounds, too many recent scars for me to deal with on my own." She held up her right hand and let out a bitter chuckle, holding up her hand and letting dark flames flicker between them, lapping hungrily at the air. " In the end they were only people. I thought that with the gods gone, and the promise of saving Nova, or at least finding her being so close, that we would enter a new age. One made from reason and kindness." She stood up, the flame travelling up her arm, seeming to burn away the air around her, the edges of her features starting to blur a little. " I was wrong. It seems I'll need to make the world enter it, kicking and screaming the entire way."

    Minx had gone cold the moment she saw the black flame on her hand, but now she was absolutely frozen to her spot. " You, your the user? But, the sheer energy it should have taken to deny divine healing, it shouldn't be possible for a mortal!" Her pet stood up in her lap, snarling and hissing at the pale, yellow eyed woman.

    " This is true. But, what makes you think I am mortal little scholar?" She gave a grin, her teeth seeming far more pointed than they did at the start of this conversation, her red gem glowing around her neck. " Now, you said what you think happened. My turn to teach you something."

    " I don't remember much of my life before I arrived here on your world. I knew I had been powerful, and I had been somewhere warm, and cold, and cramped. " Here she simply smiled. " I wandered for a while, wearing the different faces of the ones who summoned me, hiding from others in my confusion. Then I found her. Or maybe she found me? We could never quite agree. Either way, she found a travelling companion in me, and I found a role model in her, someone to emulate. And, over time, we found love in each other." She rubbed her index finger. " While we never made it formal, we knew how we felt about each other. Certainly made travelling cheaper." She tapped her fingers along the table, getting closer and closer to the young woman. " We made many friends while travelling and saving people. Mostly her, but I made one or two who found my gallows humor funny." She closed her eyes, seeming to lose herself in her memories.

    " I, don't understand what this has to-"

    " Be quiet, and let me finish." She growled, eyes opening up. " I could have stayed like that forever, travelling with and loving her. But it was all ruined by that, that man. That bastard the others called king. He and the others locked her away, citing ' corruption.' Complete, and utter, bullshit! She had no tentacles, no pacts were made!" The angry woman let out several huffs of air as she took in her surroundings. At one point she had pointed her arm out toward the wall and had sent her flames to crash against it, scorching it a black darker than even the void. " I apologize losing my temper Minx, this is one of my, how you do you say it? Buttons."

    " You're, you're forgiven!"

    " Thank you. Now, I believe my point has been made. It took me much time, and the death of more than a few close comrades, but I toppled the gods and am still hunting them down to this down. My inquisitors keep my siblings out of this world. My armies and diplomats spread peace, and enforce my rule to those that would defy it. My people no longer sleep hungry, many are now literate, and even have hopes of becoming more than just farmers!"

    " Amelia just wants to be a farmer."

    " Ahh, yes lets talk about your friends. You did much research for them, digging through the grandest library in the known world. You know things, such as why the tide turns, why the sun burns," she knelt in front of Minx. " Including where the cage that holds my wife is. So, I ask, no, beg one more time. Please, just tell me where her cage is so I can bring her home."

    Minx looked at the woman in front of her. Could she say yes? She wanted to, oh so much. But, the warnings from Janus made it seem like there was something else at play. And she would never risk her friends, no matter how much sympathy she could feel for her. " I'm sorry, but I don't know." She lied, her cat letting out a low mrrr from her lap.

    Synthias eyes narrowed. " Why is it that whenever I offer a way other than pain, you and the others seem intent on proving to be masochists'? No matter." She stood up and made a claw with her fingers, placing it on the cats face, ignoring the scratching and slight trickle of blood coming from her arm. " If you will not give it to me willingly, then I will take it."

    Flames leapt from her arm and surrounded the cats head, slowly melting the cats head. Its brain boiled in its own blood, thankfully dying a moment later. But Minx, she did not have that luxury.

    " Oh god! Please, please stop!" The blind girl screamed out for mercy, hands digging into her head, falling onto the floor in a writhing manner. " Please, it hurts so much!"

    " It will stop," Synthia hissed, her features becoming more unnerving and horrifying to look at, her eyes the worst of them all. If Minx could have seen, she would have seen that the air behind her was blurred in the shape of a beast with dragon wings, large teeth and multiple eyes, " when you tell me where she is. Where is she Minx? Where is my wife!"






    This kind of thing wont happen often, I just didn't know a better place to post it.
     
  6. Its_a_cauldron_plot!

    Its_a_cauldron_plot! ( Or is it Simurgh?)

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    Emelia didn’t usually dream. Usually, she was blessed with soothing darkness, or when she did dream it was of wet dirt and never before seen plants, ones that she knew in her rational mind couldn’t exist but always wondered if she could grow them in her garden.

    That was not the case tonight.

    Tonight her dreams were of stars and a vast city, made of marble and silver and stone. She stood on a tall tower with others around her. Most had their faces blurred, rushing around in what sounded like clanking armor. She always hated the sound of metal grinding against each other. Another explosion rocked through the tower and as they ran out of the room to reinforce those below, she reapplied the illusion spell.

    There was one other person. From what she could see behind his skull mask, his face was extremely pale, almost the same shade of white as bleached bone. Messy black hair framed his face, and he had his hands and arms crossed against his chest, the rest of his body hidden behind thick set robes. “ Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” His arms uncrossed, being enveloped by his sleeves. “ My palace has plenty of space, and I could easily host you and your followers.”

    “ Have you made this offer to any of the others?” She was tall, much taller than she knew should be possible.

    “ Of course. The ones that listened either scoffed and told me to go back to managing the dead, or told me thank you but no thank you.” Even if the sound didn’t make it obvious, the space between the jaws on his mask made it obvious he was biting on his cheek. “ I may hate what they do sometimes, and many of them annoy me to no end, but they are still family.”

    He paused for a moment. “ Terra, please. You’ve done nothing wrong, and once she’s cooled down I’m sure she will see reason. There is no need to throw yourself in her way.”

    “ I helped craft Nova’s cage. I have no doubt in my mind that,” she took a shuddery breath, “ I have no doubt in my mind that she will blame me just as much as the others.” The stars were all so pale ever since she had helped lock away one of her best friends. Terra turned to face away from the skull-clad man. “ No, I will stay. We will either win and deal with the consequences or…” there was no need to say what would happen if they lost. A gentle smile made its way onto her face. “ Go, I’m sure your kingdom needs you to reassure them.”

    Silence reigned for another few moments and then she heard a warbling sound, the sound itself vanishing a few seconds later. When he left her she let the silence spell drop and were greeted with the sound of thuds against the stone walls. Hmm, they must have broken into the outer city.

    She looked into the sky ad then let the illusion drop as well, finding that all the stars and the moon were gone, coated with a darkness that oozed malice and hate. Well, that was a lie. There was one thing left in the sky, but it was no star.

    The burning orange eye blinked and a loud roar finally broke your eardrums. At least she wouldn’t have to listen to the screams anymore.

    Fire came. She burned.


    Emelia woke up with a gasp, hand clutching at her chest, sweat running down her face. Looking around hurriedly, she started to calm down as she made certain she was not actually burning alive.

    “ Just a bad dream. Just that.” Taking in a deep breath, she replaced the smell of the smoke with that of pine, swinging her feet onto the cold wood that made up the floor beneath her bed. Her room was larger than her family’s. While her brother may have been fine with smaller confined spaces, she couldn’t spend long in his room. She needed space to move, and think, and act.

    Speaking of acting, she slowly moved to the kitchen, taking care not to make too much noise as she started heating up a small teapots worth of water. All the while she slowly chopped a peach into pieces and piled it up, pulling out the brown sugar and setting it next to the peach pile. The seed she placed in a jar empty of fruit, reaching for some dirt and covering it up. She would have to make sure to set it outside after breakfast

    When the oatmeal was ready, a low groaning sound brought her attention to her brother. Dark brown hair tied up in a firm ponytail, easily revealing his blue eyes. Eyes that were eyeing up the bowl at his place at the table. “ Thank you sis,” he sat down with a thump, letting out another groan, “ you are a literal goddess for this.”

    “ Maybe if you came home at a reasonable time you wouldn’t be so tired.” She raised an eyebrow. “ You know, like you promised mom?” She finished preparing their parent’s food and sat down in front of him, quickly consuming her own oatmeal. “

    “ I know I know. Just, been busy lately.”

    “ I imagine. Whats her name?”

    “It’s not a girl Am.”

    The aforementioned sister rolled her eyes, scraping some of the last of her food into her spoon. “ Alright, what’s the guy’s name then?”

    At this, he blushed. “ His name is Roger, and he is a sculptor. He’s an apprentice for old man Smith, and he has been wanting to take me to the festival.”

    “ Mmhhmm.” She cast a look over him, running a hand over her chin in mock suspicion. “ Have you told him about me or mom and dad yet?”

    “ I,” he somehow blushed even harder and rubbed the back of his head, “ was thinking of bringing him home soon. You know, see what the folks think about him.”

    “ And what he thinks of them hmm? Well,” she stood up and picked up her bowl, scooping up her brother’s bowl, and set them both in the sink,” if you want to do it I suppose I have one request. Find out whether he prefers beef or chicken. I don’t wanna make a meat pie and find out he dosen’t like the meat I use.”
     
  7. Threadmarks: Talking at bandits
    Its_a_cauldron_plot!

    Its_a_cauldron_plot! ( Or is it Simurgh?)

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    Synthia sighed and placed a smile on while she walked through the, admittedly shabby, halls of the castle. For a barbarian she supposed he wasn't too terrible compared to some of the others she had met. He, for one, had a castle with functioning walls, if just barely.

    'I'll have to see about getting our stone masons to shore it up. Maybe there's some stone we can use.'

    " Madam Synthia." Oh, yes, the attendant. She was dressed in a too short dress that clung to her body. That would also have to change. A little showing off was fine, but she looked more like a stripper than an actual servant. She had also taken notice of the collar around her neck, but she would deal with that when she was done.

    She was led to a large room, banners seeming to take up any sort of wall space. They were from the local villages, some torn with large gashes, some seeming to be partially patched up.

    In the very back of the room was a overweight man, a oversized mace in his hand. A large, misshapen crown was placed on top his head, and a snort left his mouth, full of crooked yellow teeth.

    " So, your the woman my boys told me," he spat out on the side, landing in a bucket. " has been wanting to talk with me."

    " Yes," Synthia looked around for a chair and finding none decided to stay standing." I wanted to speak with you, allowing your... kingdom, to come under mine."

    The fat man let out a laugh, hand over his belly. " And, and why would I want to do that? I'm fine just how I am. I got plenty of what I need."

    " Oh? I suppose that's why your farmers, the ones you raid, have been leaving, setting up towns further away. And," she smiled, the warmth absent, " coming to me."

    " Yeah, I noticed. Your fancy knights, the ones with those stupid coins." He gave a grunt and a thuggish looking man came forward, a rag in his hand. Undoing the knot that held it together revealed a coin. He held it up to the light and handed it to her, where she held it between her fingers. On one side was a skull with three tentacles wrapping it, then pushing into the eye sockets and mouth. Turning it around would see a symbol crown and a S in the middle of said crown.

    " I personally think they look rather charming."

    " They look stupid. Anyway, I caught him skulking around my home and had my boys knock him out. Made a nice sound when he fell down in his fancy armor." A hand scratched at his large belly. " So, how much are you willing to pay for him?"

    " Are you, trying to ransom my knight back to me?" She raised an eyebrow.

    " What else would you be here for? And if you don't have the money, I'm sure I can think of other ways for you to pay." He sneered. " Your flesh would make for a good stew."

    " I promise you, It wouldn't. I've had someone try before and they spat it out a minute later. No, what I'm here is for you to give command of your little, band to me." She smiled softly. " Either that, or I kill you. either way, you don't seem like very good people, so I'm happy no matter which way it goes."

    " And why would I want to join you? Your alone, no armor, no weapon except maybe a dagger, and even then."

    " If you bring me a chair, I would be glad to explain. I'm a little tired, and I always get stopped before I can finish my little," her cheeks flush and a clearing of her throat is heard, " monologue."

    The bandit lord looked at Synthia for a moment before barking out " Chair!" When one was brought out, he scoffed. " Well, go on. If you really want to talk, I got time. Might even be entertaining."

    " Thank you." A simple brush of her hand to make sure any dust was swept off and she sat down. " Now, first is that the land here would be part of my kingdom, which would be coinvent to me. There were already towns here, and the support for them is still there. Plus a little work on your castle," she gestured " and you could have a proper fortress. One that would make you a proper noble, and not just some, bandit king."

    " But I like being a bandit king. And I don't wanna work under you." The fat mans eyes narrowed. " I'm my own boss, I can take whatever I want. Don't have to worry about anything except my boys." He grinned and waved his hands. " I got food, water, anything I want."

    Synthia let him talk. " And you get all of this from raiding nearby towns, yes?"

    " Yeah, so what?"

    " Meaning, the ones that have run away? Regardless. Your method is, to be perfectly honest, stupid. While killing and raiding does have its time and place, it isn't something you should base an entire kingdom off of." She smiled and leaned forward. " Not if you want it to last. I mean," she held out a hand, fingers splayed out, " if you want it to collapse right after your die, or that someone stronger than you comes along, then sure I guess it's perfectly acceptable. Oh, or if the people your attacking decide they've had enough."

    Synthia gestured to the room, the banners hanging there with a sudden weight. " And, you've pissed off a lot of people. I wouldn't be surprised if they hired someone to kill you." She smiled. " Or if they promised to work for the person that did kill you."

    " Is that you? You here to kill me?" The fat man leaned forward in his chair, a snarl about to erupt from his throat.

    " Well, to be perfectly honest yes. But I want to wait a little before I do." She smiled, her orange eyes seeming to glow just a little. " It's been a while since I've been able to go out and do proper adventurer work, and the note I left for my servants should keep the guards from searching a while. Now, as I was saying-" she was interrupted by one of the bandits screaming and charging at her, short sword in hand.

    She turned and gave the bandit a condescending smile before opening her hand and letting fire spring from her palm, the black flame spreading over him. He screamed and collapsed onto the dirty stone floor, writhing around in an attempt to douse himself.

    " Now, as I was saying," she continued as if she hadn't just lit a man on fire, ignoring the screams. " Your way is fine for a while, but It only lasts until you die, and most people will hate you for it. There are a lot of other reasons, one being it's just a terribly dick move but to spare time we'll ignore those." Her dress poofed out some as she crossed her legs, all eyes on her, the screams of the dead man having finally faded with only the crackling of the fire left.

    " Now, my way is through talking first, then negotiation and alliances, manipulation if that fails, and THEN killing people if that won't work. Of course, even then I try to limit myself. I'm not a monster after all." She looked at the charred corpse and chuckled softly. " Well, not much of one. Would one of you be a dear and," she snapped her fingers and the black flame disappeared.

    "Now," while she continued talking a pair of them slowly picked up the corpse and moved it outside, clearly trying to hold their lunch in their stomachs. " I've found that if you want to make a kingdom that will last, one thing is important, above everything else. You need, to keep, them happy."

    " Now, I hear you saying. Synthia," she started gesturing with her hands, "why not just make a group of people and ignore the rest? Wouldn't that be easy? Well, It would be but part of the challenge is that it's not easy."

    She leaned forward, causing the bandits to lean back. " It's hard. It's hard to keep all the groups and factions that make up my kingdom, to keep all the important people happy, and satisfied, and working together. Making sure that enemies turn to friends, if not one people, quelling hate."

    Synthia gave a soft shiver. " It's exhilarating, and oh so satisfying. I mean, killing people is fun too, but those I have to wait to have acceptable targets. Peace keeping and problem solving is something I can do with anyone."

    " But, I must admit that you would not fit in my land. Plus, they already promised to swear fealty to me if I killed you." She flicked out one of her hands and another burst of black flame engulfed another bandit, spreading to the ones beside him. Humming a familiar tune, Synthia snapped her fingers and an axe seemed to warp into her hands, along with simple metal armor. " Now, I believe I mentioned killing you."

    " Wait wait, you were, you were just talking about-"

    " Working together? Yes, yes I was. But honestly, I came in here knowing I was going to kill you. You have no skills, your generally terrible, you can't even bandit correctly." She chuckled softly. " No, you have no purpose other than to die, and convince the townspeople to serve me." She stalked forward, armor clanking while the fire spread from the corpses to the banners on the wall, the room heating up. " Besides, It's been too long since I've been able to go out and be a hero."
     
  8. Threadmarks: Debate with Nova
    Its_a_cauldron_plot!

    Its_a_cauldron_plot! ( Or is it Simurgh?)

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    " But why?"

    " Because! You can't just kill people without a good reason! Even if they are bandits!"

    " Yes, I can. It's very easy." Synthia lifted up her ax and made a slicing noise while gesturing to the tied up bandit they had against the tree trunk. She then started to count the reasons off on her fingers. " We won't have to feed him, no chance of escape, and it would be much easier to take his head back to the town folk than a whole body. Just like we did with the rats and their heads." The orange-eyed woman raised an eyebrow. " Besides, didn't the poster say they would take them dead OR alive?"

    Nova let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand down her face. " Ok, It did say that. But, it's like this." She held out her hands. " We managed to get him to surrender. If word gets out that someone surrendered to us, and then we killed him, then It just makes it harder in the future to make them come willingly."

    " But, I don't mind doing that. I like to fight, and your charisma combined with your beauty tends to get us what we want anyway."

    Nova gave her a disappointed look, crossing her arms under her bust. Her cheeks had turned slightly pink but her eyes were giving her that look. She could never hate anything Nova did but that look...

    " Synthia." That burning feeling came back to Synthia's chest. The feeling that told her she had done something wrong, but she didn't know what. "Killing may make it easier in the short term, and for some situations going to killing first is a perfectly acceptable solution. Like, if a wild beast attacks you, or if someone is trying to kill you. But, there are times when NOT killing them is even better." She gave her a smile. " I know we've mostly dealt with monsters and maniacs, and that is partially my fault. I suppose I've tried to keep you seeing the world as black and white for as long as I could. But there are shades of grey, like that thought experiment we did with the thief and the bread."

    She looked towards the bandit. " Besides, I don't want to risk getting blood all over my clothes. Well, any more than needed."

    " I would do it." She wilted under Nova's glare. " But, fine I suppose. And," she thought about the words before she spoke, tasting them, " I suppose getting information from him about where the others are would be much harder if he was dead."

    " Others? Synth, the other attacks have been entire towns away. There's no way they could be working together."

    " Yes, others." Synthia turned to face him. " He and his little group may have been terrorizing this small town," walking forward she knelt next to him, hand gently gripping his face, " but based on reports I have seen, as well as what you have told me about your experience with their type, I believe the attacks on caravans are not isolated incidents. Combined with that thief we," she paused for a moment, " stopped, and the fact that a large number of teleportation gems were in the jewelry, I think they have banded together to form a guild. They get to their hideout with the gems they pry out of the jewelry, give them to the leaders, and make off with the loot to the hideout when its time."

    Synthia smiled as she pulled the gag out of his mouth. " Tell me, how close am I?" Behind her Nova crossed her arms and let out a huff, pleased that Synthia figured it out behind her but also slightly embarrassed. She was the more experienced between them after all.

    " Please, I'll, I'll tell you everything I know."

    " Oh, I know you will." Synthia smiled at the bandit, a lack of warmth in her eyes. " Now, let's get started."
     
  9. DbDRAKE

    DbDRAKE Possibly some sort of Actual Dragon?

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    Descriptions are tropy as hell; but tropes are not bad.

    If you are gona have such broad archtypes as the MC's, then you need to mix it up somwhere else, IMO.

    Or just have it be reeeeeeeeeeal well writen.
     
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  10. Its_a_cauldron_plot!

    Its_a_cauldron_plot! ( Or is it Simurgh?)

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    Yeah, it's been a looong time since I wrote that and their characters have most certainly changed, I just need to, you know, come and out the changes here now.
     
  11. Marsyas

    Marsyas Token Asexual

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    Amelia and Jacob seem a bit flat as written. What do they want? What draws Amelia to this rebellion? Does Jacob have a motivation beyond, "well, my hometown burned down so I guess I'll hang out with these people?"

    If Amelia told a joke, what kind of joke would she tell? What is her sense of humor like? Is she clever? Does she like to think about what she means to do before she does it? Does she act first think later if at all?

    Is Jacob the sort of person who ruminates on embarrassing things he did years ago? Does he suddenly remember that time he mouthed off in front of the school-teacher because he didn't realize she was behind him and feel embarrassed all over again? Does he like his own body, or is there a little voice in his head that says, "That can't possibly be me" every time he sees his reflection in a mirror?
     
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  12. Its_a_cauldron_plot!

    Its_a_cauldron_plot! ( Or is it Simurgh?)

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    Thank you for your thoughts. I really do need to come back and update some of these posts as things have changed, but I've just been,well, busy.
     
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