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Cousin of Cookie Monster

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A monster unfortunately called 'Salad Monster':

The word makes the monster. You (humans)...
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    • Guess what. I am a flippin' Salad monster in a flippin' California pizza restaurant with a flippin' real job!

    I'm a flippin' employee! Its like I'm a human or something, and this is gonna be how I pay for college. I know it. I know this is goin'to work.

    I'm in Horticulture! They're teaching me all kind of tricks like how to grow things in water! I'm usin' it, too, at home. I have a black light setup and am growing salad in the dark. OMG it is so cool, and it glows purple under the stupid lights. I'm growing flippin SALAD IN A FLIPPIN CLOSET! How cool is that?

    OMG. I am just so happy, so forgive the cursive swerving, please. I get cursive when I'm flippin happy OK?

    So, anyways I'm in flippin Horticulture, just leaving lecture this morning at 10AM and everybody is goin' their separate ways when some of the humans invite me to a special study session, and they start talking about growing a business. I never thought of this before, so I'm like dam that is perhaps possible. The trouble is there is no money to start this biz, and they think its going to be free to start. I sense danger ahead, but I'm havin fun and so why the nut not? I'm a monster, so nothing can hurt me. Lets start a business...am I right?

    They want to start a Horticultural business of the less than legal type, since we're in a locality which is, shall we say, less than decent about such things. As in we could all be tossed into prison in this state and forgotten, and I'd never see salad again that wasn't fed to me out of a belly button. I try to talk them out of it. I try, and I try but they're like...no. Stupid humans. You can't hate them, but you sure as hell can't love them. They're so cute though with their naked tender skin sticking out everywhere. They try to cover it of course but its hopeless.

    Humans are so flippin vulnerable. One scratch and they just die. So many die. A human can die from choking on a Tic Tac.
     
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