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General chat thread
- Thread starter Nanimani
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Arc-on-Fire
This user is a convicted felon. Learn about pipeb
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View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AjUSDw35kA
POV: Multicross SI after several chapters (he used Spacebattles Competence).
HobDobby
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use a blow dryer
Stormwalker
Not that lewd actually.
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They think I paint miniatures and like detective fiction.
Yeah, pretty accurate although they thought I have two kids and I have three.
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evildice
(emotionally stable clown posse)
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Third kid isn't yours.
BlackDragon98
Emperor in Exile
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I'd be careful with smart TVs after the revelations revealed by the LG smart TV recording and tracking its owners.
94000130 FFF70000
Absolutely the Worst
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I don't think most places even SELL non-"smart" TVs anymore, I recall someone complaining a lot about it...
evildice
(emotionally stable clown posse)
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In late-stage capitalism, television watches YOU.
HobDobby
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This is the worst staring contest I've been apart of. It's not even closing yet!
HobDobby
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Good strat, it shut off by itself before I got out of the underwear
heralding_bubble
Liar and Hypocrite
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click on the avatar/username in the top right of the navbar at the top, immediately at the top of the now-open panel there's Your account and Bookmarks, click on the Bookmarks and it shows the most recent ones. You can click Show all at the bottom to list them all.
heralding_bubble
Liar and Hypocrite
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no, but there is an IRC
dacty
Easily distracted
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Thanks to my dad getting me into it, I like to listen to German metal and rock music. The thing is. that due to English originating as a Germanic language, English and German share a number of similar sounding words that have basically the same meaning (The German words for arm and hand? Arm and hand). So what happens, is every so often, I'll be listening to a song, just kind of vibing to it, when what sounds like a completely intelligible English sentence will ambush me out of nowhere.
What brought this to mind, is I was listening to a song called Tanz Mit Mir, which is also part of the chorus. But listening to the song, it sounded like the singer was saying "Dance with me." Well, guess what tanz mit mir means? Dance with me.
What brought this to mind, is I was listening to a song called Tanz Mit Mir, which is also part of the chorus. But listening to the song, it sounded like the singer was saying "Dance with me." Well, guess what tanz mit mir means? Dance with me.
Imperator Pax
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I more or less had the Germanic language family's habit of shared words or words sharing the same roots / mutual intelligibility discussion last night funnily enough.
'
Brother, Sister, Father come to mind. Its really only as German began its introduction into various technical vocabulary (so really the last two centuries ) that you run into words you can't one for one figure out
Panzerschreck, folksgehminienshaft (I know thats not spelt right), flammenwerfen is on the fence but yeah a lot of 20th century words from pre ww1 to post come to mind where new stuff gets invented or new ideas enter society show up so you get the really long german words to describe new concepts show up and thats what throws people in my experience and by contrast words that have very old roots apple, dance, hound, the above mentioned family you recognize those easily enough and still others panzerhaubitze you can figure that one out pretty easily haubitze is howitzer
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Leviticusrex
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I've gone from a horrible bust period of job applications to an incredible boom.
Right now I have an interview for a receptionist position, accounts receivable position, and a position as an apprentice heavy vehicle operator with my local union. If all else fails the Union gig is my first choice, but its nice to not feel like the sword of homelessness is at my fucking neck lemme tell you.
Right now I have an interview for a receptionist position, accounts receivable position, and a position as an apprentice heavy vehicle operator with my local union. If all else fails the Union gig is my first choice, but its nice to not feel like the sword of homelessness is at my fucking neck lemme tell you.
Goku_san
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Kurbelwelle. Bürokratieabbaugesetz. Doppelhaushälfte. Selbstbedienungsladen. Krankenkassenzusatzbeitrag.
Germany is a very funny place, sir...
Imperator Pax
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Certainly. But some of these you can figure out based on which words have a common root or having context, but others its well lets cram words together until you need more than one breath to say them is where the English speakers happily tell you to go dunk your head because yes Germany is very silly.
Goku_san
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Yes, and then we go ahead and make rock and metal out of it.
NumberSix
Experienced.
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I used to listen to a lot of Rammstein, Oomph and some Eisbrecher back in the day.
And Tanz is the absolute same phonetically for me as is for zhe Germans.
Also, I got some of my first exposure to anime and Stargate because of German satellite tv.
The had DBZ, Sailor Moon and SG-1 on.
I never learned the language but I wanted Ami Mizuno to be mein waifu.
Also, when I had to study it in school I completely hated it because of sentence structure and the tendency of Germans to take one sentence and cobble together a single overly long word out of it.
Frankly the whole langusge sounds like the noise of industrial metal cutting tools to me.
Maybe that is why it works do well as a langusge for industrial music.
Phen0m20
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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So, I've been dating someone recently, and while things have been going pretty well overall, I've started developing some concerns that I could use some outside perspectives on.
This is the first time ive ever dated someone, and our first date was wonderful. Our second date went well enough that I got to meet some of her friends. I enjoyed myself, made a good impression, and genuinely like this woman. Dating her has also been doing wonders for my mental health, which makes this situation all the more frustrating.
The problem is money, or more specifically, the expectations surrounding it.
Our second date was at a buffet, and I ended up spending nearly $100 covering both our meals. I was never told beforehand how expensive the restaurant was going to be, nor was there any discussion about who would be paying. On top of that, I had to spend another $100 on transportation, bringing the total cost of the evening to approximately $200.
Now, $200 might not sound like a fortune to some people, but I'm not exactly rolling in money. I work part-time and collect survivor benefits. I also recently had to spend over $1,200 getting my car inspected and repaired, something she was already aware of.
What bothers me isn't necessarily that I paid for dinner. It's that I felt there was an expectation that I would cover everything without any consideration for my financial circumstances. Her friends were there, and I felt pressured to make a good impression rather than risk looking cheap by bringing up the bill.
Then there's the matter of transportation. She has her own vehicle but has described herself as a "passenger princess." For the next date, she initially wanted me to drive roughly 50 miles to pick her up for our next date, bring her back to my place, and then drive her home again that same day. That's approximately 200 miles of driving for me, despite her having a perfectly functional car of her own.
We've since adjusted those plans, but the underlying concern remains.
I'm perfectly willing to treat someone I'm dating. I enjoy being generous when I can afford to be. But I don't believe being the man in a relationship should automatically make me responsible for every expense, every trip, and every logistical arrangement. Times have changed. Relationships are supposed to involve mutual consideration and effort.
To be fair, she has bought me a couple of inexpensive games, so it's not as though she's contributed absolutely nothing. I appreciate those gestures. But there's a pretty substantial difference between buying someone a cheap game and expecting them to shoulder hundreds of dollars in dating expenses.
And that's ultimately what worries me. I don't want to jump to conclusions or assume she's deliberately taking advantage of me. Maybe we simply have different expectations about dating and traditional gender roles. But I also refuse to put myself in a position where I'm effectively treated as someone's second wallet.
I spent years trying to get my finances under control, and I'm not about to jeopardize that progress just because I've finally found someone I enjoy spending time with.
I genuinely want this relationship to succeed, which is why I think these concerns need to be addressed sooner rather than later. I just wish I didn't have to worry about this sort of thing when I'm supposed to be enjoying the experience of dating someone.
I'm curious what everyone else thinks. Am I being unreasonable for expecting a more balanced arrangement, particularly when the other person knows I'm working with a limited income?
This is the first time ive ever dated someone, and our first date was wonderful. Our second date went well enough that I got to meet some of her friends. I enjoyed myself, made a good impression, and genuinely like this woman. Dating her has also been doing wonders for my mental health, which makes this situation all the more frustrating.
The problem is money, or more specifically, the expectations surrounding it.
Our second date was at a buffet, and I ended up spending nearly $100 covering both our meals. I was never told beforehand how expensive the restaurant was going to be, nor was there any discussion about who would be paying. On top of that, I had to spend another $100 on transportation, bringing the total cost of the evening to approximately $200.
Now, $200 might not sound like a fortune to some people, but I'm not exactly rolling in money. I work part-time and collect survivor benefits. I also recently had to spend over $1,200 getting my car inspected and repaired, something she was already aware of.
What bothers me isn't necessarily that I paid for dinner. It's that I felt there was an expectation that I would cover everything without any consideration for my financial circumstances. Her friends were there, and I felt pressured to make a good impression rather than risk looking cheap by bringing up the bill.
Then there's the matter of transportation. She has her own vehicle but has described herself as a "passenger princess." For the next date, she initially wanted me to drive roughly 50 miles to pick her up for our next date, bring her back to my place, and then drive her home again that same day. That's approximately 200 miles of driving for me, despite her having a perfectly functional car of her own.
We've since adjusted those plans, but the underlying concern remains.
I'm perfectly willing to treat someone I'm dating. I enjoy being generous when I can afford to be. But I don't believe being the man in a relationship should automatically make me responsible for every expense, every trip, and every logistical arrangement. Times have changed. Relationships are supposed to involve mutual consideration and effort.
To be fair, she has bought me a couple of inexpensive games, so it's not as though she's contributed absolutely nothing. I appreciate those gestures. But there's a pretty substantial difference between buying someone a cheap game and expecting them to shoulder hundreds of dollars in dating expenses.
And that's ultimately what worries me. I don't want to jump to conclusions or assume she's deliberately taking advantage of me. Maybe we simply have different expectations about dating and traditional gender roles. But I also refuse to put myself in a position where I'm effectively treated as someone's second wallet.
I spent years trying to get my finances under control, and I'm not about to jeopardize that progress just because I've finally found someone I enjoy spending time with.
I genuinely want this relationship to succeed, which is why I think these concerns need to be addressed sooner rather than later. I just wish I didn't have to worry about this sort of thing when I'm supposed to be enjoying the experience of dating someone.
I'm curious what everyone else thinks. Am I being unreasonable for expecting a more balanced arrangement, particularly when the other person knows I'm working with a limited income?
LeonLex
Hoe don't do it, Oh my gawd.
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Oh boy, this is gonna be good.
So, yeah, don't do that.
Money kills relationships, that's why you should talk and clarify things as soon as possible.
Yes, sometimes there is that expectation. That's why it's healthy (for you) to talk about where you are going and how much would things cost. At least you didn't pay for her friends' meals.
She's lazy (I could use worse words), not a "passenger princess". She can drive herself or use public transportation for that. 200 miles is, not really a lot, but significant enough. And, on top of all that, there's traffic to think about too.
So, yeah, don't do that.
LOL LMAO even. All I'm saying is that your sentiment is not universally accepted.
Yes, address them ASAP. You have to tell her where your bottom line is. Because the games she bought were gift, you gave her gifts too right?
You are not unreasonable, that's the simping part of your brain making you doubt yourself.
Money kills relationships, that's why you should talk and clarify things as soon as possible.
dacty
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I think your concerns are valid. But the main issue appears to me, that both you and her are operating off of unspoken assumptions about the relationship.
Have you talked with her about the relationship? Not just the monetary stuff, but what the two of you want, expect, and need from each other?
If not, then I would recommend finding a calm time and place to work it out together. Explain to her what your situation is, ask about hers, and try to find ways to accommodate your and her needs, that both of you are satisfied with.
When you're in those early stages of a relationship, there's a strong desire to not talk about problems to avoid rocking the boat. But that's how easily solvable problems grow into relationship ending ones.
Guardian Box
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You weren't pressured into paying for her friends meals as well I hope.
Ranmabomb
Versed in the lewd.
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@Phen0m20
So, it seems to me that the logistical situation of you two dating is likely to be an imposition. But as mentioned she can drive herself.
When if comes to the money thing. Hashing that out will be important.
Have you only been on two dates with her? Or significantly more. One thing that can help a little with costs earlier is to plan a decent number of dates yourself. As then you can more accurately know how much it will actually cost.
Also if you take notes and journal after your dates that can help a lot for remembering things about her and looking for things you can do to be thoughtful. Not just gifts, if your girl is not shallow. Then in most cases thoughtfulness trumps cost. If you are going out to eat and she likes music of a particular style going to restraunts or bars with live music can be a good option and usually those types of places are around the 20$/plate range.
Occasionally mixing in some tacos for dates can be good too. (Particularly if you schedule them on Tuesdays so it comes across as intentional.) as even decently nice tacos are pretty cheap and like 6-15$/person range.
But doing a free date and then also get food at some place affordable but respectable. (So not chain fast food.) can be a good approach but not regular. Once you have been going for a bit you can invite her back to your place or go to hers. If she likes board games those are often good date activities. Movies are nice but you do not want to overdo movie or Netflix dates as they can be really fun but they can also come across as lazy or uncreative.
Look around for like game stores that have free game tables if she likes games and maybe go to a board game night together. Great free date and doesn't feel cheap. (If she likes board games.)
Before you get a chance to negotiate and talk more about that stuff, (I would probably have a talk around the 5th to 6th date maybe? Although I would at least try doing a cheaper date without being blatant before bringing it up?)
Generally I would aim for maybe 1/4 cheap dates. (Ideally like either tacos or like a free or cheap activity date like less than 10$) 1/4 nice maybe not super nice dates. (20$ or maybe 15$/person sit down dates.) or 30-40$ total maybe up to 50 with tip. And then like maybe at most 1/4 dates which are a bit of pricey but not like crazy. So like 35$ spend per person maybe up 100$ total?
Generally you want to have like one date nicer than the rest per month. Although you can make it work with every other month. You will want to write down her birthday. And plan something fairly nice for that. Also, I would probably start planning for valentines right after Christmas in early January. Or late December. Figuring out Christmas is likely to be hard but you are not there yet and probably will not have been dating long enough to invite each other to family Christmases? Maybe not? Make sure you have some Christmas time dates though. Maybe go driving around to see Christmas lights. Or go see a Christmas play.
And then like maybe 1/4 paid activity dates which are a little pricier. But not terrible. Like maybe mini-golf? Those are often in like the 20-30$ a person range? Although activity dates are one of the times when fast food can work fine. If it is bought like on the way back or maybe the way there so it is clearly not the date. And maybe eaten in the car. So you might have to throw on an extra 10-20$ to pay for both your food which on the upper end for an affordable activity date. So on the upper end it can end up being as much as a nice restaurant date.
One great trick is to combo a free date with a gift that is nice but not too expensive or come with like flowers or something if they are not going to die.
One combo i like, also has some humor and irony is to bring like a box of chocolates or alternatively cookies on a walk in the park date. That way you spend like 5$ maybe 10$. But still pay less than a meal date but it doesn't feel like you are cheating out as much.
Also not sure your date frequency? Might be too early to stabilize. I am guessing like once a week? That is fairly regular but not super frequent, higher frequency can allow for more cheaper dates. If you have at least one 40$+ total date a week. then you can generally throw in a free date out and a home date in the same week if time allows which costs very little. Probably one date per weekend with all the driving? Although I could see home dates or ones nearby her or if she drove to you working on a weeknight. 1 hour each way is on the upper end of comfortable for an evening date. Although if you have to and it was someone place pretty special than 2 could be worth it?
I would also maybe try looking for a place with a published menu nearby where she lives for a date some time. And then going to her house before or after. Still a drives but more reasonable only going to be like 100 miles as it is 50 round trip. Not 150-200.
But if you can cook decently. Even if not amazing you want to show that off. In my experience the better and more willing you are to cook. The easier it is to get someone else to be willing to do things like pay for dates. Or negotiate other less typical or traditional arrangements.
If she likes any sports that can be done cheaply 1 on 1, then doing sports together is usually a pretty cheap date. Or if she really likes it and you want more of a regular thing, joining like an amature co-ed sports group together is a ton of fun. Like one that does one not really competitive game a week. Those can sometimes have a cost. (Usually more like a membership than like straight up?) But a lot of them are free. (Communities centers and churches will often have free ones. Most often for basketball.)
Tennis can be done 1 on 1 and most cities have at least one park with free courts. Will cost a little in equipment to setup.
Pickleball is also an option more popular now but mostly played by old people. So….
Ping pong is fun. Outside of college not the easiest thing to find. Unless you have space for a table. I wouldn't do it all the time unless she is really into it. In a pinch it can work as a decently cheap paid date. If you also have to get food it is likely to be like 50$ total ish. But could end up more if they charge for tables. But ideally you can find a place with free ones. (Or if she seems into doing sports together and you want variety if there is not a free rec center. Then possibly getting a rec center subscription is often like 10-30$/month ish if they do not have a pool. Which is like one date to pay for that.) i would avoid actual gym memberships much harder to cancel even if they have some red stuff. Also a little weird of an environment to go to together.
Playing video games together particularly local multiplayer is a great date. Even if she is not a gamer she probably at least has a couple games she likes. Mario party or similar are great options. (Might not have a console though?) you can often get old GameCubes or. Wiis really cheap now. Emulation is also sometimes an option. It can also work as a cheap group hangout if you order in like a pizza or something cheap for a group and then invite her friends over too. (Or maybe your friends at some point.)
If you find a computer game with online multiplayer she likes then getting on a voice all and doing some one on one matches if feasible can be fun.
Another great fairly cheap activity date is to go to like a beginners painting class together. Or if you want to buy some supppies yourself you could do a bob ross video paint-a-long. Although I would try one on your own first from a different video. Great higher effort at home date.
Museums tend to be like 20-30$ usually 25$ sometimes you can get a couple package. Do those at least once later one. Aquarium maybe? Similar range.
Community play tickets can often be like 10$ or something. Sometimes less check out any local community theaters, or community colleges, or maybe even bigger colleges and try to find out when they have yearly productions. The acting will be amature. If you do not enjoy it then it does not need to be regular, but there is a lot of value in variety. Makes things more exciting.
Occasionally doing a big activity date or hybrid dinner activity date can be great but those are pricy so maybe like 1-2 times a year. Going to a renaissance faire is great but more expensive. There is also dinner theatre. Most notably medieval times. Going out to an actual movie theatre is a classic cheaper than an expensive restraunts but still a pricey date. I generally prefer waiting till later to pull 'classic' activities out as they are not as creative. Going ice skating in winter at rink is an example. Going to an arcade together or like maybe bowling? Also there are concerts, those can get pricey. Or actually going to a more affordable sports team game together. (If she is into sports. Otherwise it is not that great a date.)
Once you have been together for a 2 months or so, I would throw in like a hiking or walking trail date some place pretty and free during the fall or maybe spring.
Logistically i would have expected about 150 miles for that sort of trip if her place is 50 miles away. Still like an hour drive plus each way, so doable but not a fun drive.
The fact that you did that at least once is a good sign. It could have been some sort of test, but the logistics of that is not great. And it is unreasonable for her to regularly expect you to be her driver if her car is not broken or something or you at least do not live nearby.
But it is mostly a time cost not a money cost. Not sure your gas mileage but like 150-200 miles is like 20-60$ of gas 5-10 gallons. unless you get like 10 miles per gallon or maybe 15? And your car is either pretty old or a truck or something? Even my old minivan got over 25 most of the time.
Traffic being really bad can make it go way worse though. But in someplaces you can even do a full tank for about 40-50$ although that is not reliable. And needing a full tank fill up during a trip like that is pretty common.
Unless you were completely full before going.
Knowing that occasionally in an emergency you have someone reliable enough and who loves you enough to pick you up, or drive you places at least with notice is a good marker of them being a good partner for a long term relationship. Because everyone's car breaks down or has some form of emergency where they need transport help eventually. Sometimes work or other things get in the way too much. Making sure that is 2 way should be done eventually.
Does she give you traditionalist/religious/old fashioned vibes or anything?
one of my great grandparents had a thing where my great grandmother wanted my great grandfather to drive her everywhere. Because she thought it was romantic but to my knowledge that did not start until they were married. Unsure. So it is possibly she has a fetish for being driven around. But like I am not sure how you would bring that up. And it would be a lot more sensible jf you lived closer together?
Although my first SO was in College. And they are generally a bit more tolerant of cheap dates there than outside there.
Not sure what your hobbies are, or what her hobbies are, as that can make a difference. At some point you should try at least once to share in as many of her hobbies as you can. And also try to bring her in to at least Try any socially acceptable hobbies you have.
Ultimately listening and communication are important in relationships but also very hard to. As a relationship grows. Part of that is essentially a negotiation. But not all. And finding ways to bring more to the table, can be a way get them to give more. But you do have to be careful they don't try to take advantage of you and make any things you do to be nice into just an expectation of something normal.
There may be other things you are bringing to the table she hasn't seen yet or you can demonstrate better. In addition to finding new things. Either ways to show your masculinity. Or alternatively or even better at the same time, ways in which you are willing to diverge from norms to make things easier for her or show your love. Or show a higher degree of attentiveness and thoughtfulness, or creativity and excitement in dates and activities.
On the masculinity side, having a handmade 'handy' gift. Or showing your masculinity know how to build things, gardening can also work. Or something sporty you are good at. (Or if not as good maybe doing something like running a 5k) getting some weights or going to the gym a bit some can work too to an extent. Getting even a little bit of muscles can go a long way. In some cases training for a 5k together or something can be a great activity for a longer term relationship.
Swimming is also great personally. And can also make a great date once you have been together a bit. Assuming you can make sure you keep your eyes on her. (Don't look at other women at the pools while your girlfriend is there should be obvious but some guys mess that up.)
It can be a bit awkward to do it to early. But it is an environement where if she is comfortable enough to do it with you she probably want sit be stared at by you a little bit. Although you can overdo it. So I would save swimming dates till after 12 dates or so. (Maybe earlier if you had sex already?)
Showing you are also investing into making yourself better shows your value is probably increasing.
Oh also for a lot of girls guys who read are sexy. Not all of them. But still. If you have time to read and mention stuff about what you are reading, or ask for book recs or stuff if she like reading that can go very well. And considering you are on QQ rather than going to some random video or comic site for porn. Then you probably at least somewhat like reading. Making sure you read some stuff that are SFW to share can be good. Even talking about royalroad books can be fun. Libraries are also another cheap option there.
Another good at home date is to try reading a story aloud to her. Still more of a longer term relationship thing. She might not like it though. But she might.
On the other end, cooking is probably the most socially normal way to provide extra value and also save yourself money. But handmade gifts can also work in more artsy directions. (Not all gifts should be handmade but mixing in some shows more willingness to think ahead about important events and to put work into the relationship.) on the cheap end would be like an ornament. But you could also stretch a drawing of her if you are a decent artist. Or possibly a painted landscapes. (If you draw from reference or even in person, landscape paintings are easy.) if you want to pull out the big guns on this angle, offer to do her laundry some time. (After date 12 at least though.) It doesn't fit what some girls want. But showing you would be willing put more into the housework sides of a relationship if it goes longer term can be used to negotiate for a bit more financial contribution from her end. (Or other forms of it.) but totally understandable if you do not want that.
Oh, and for at least one date where you plan to go all out try writing a poem at least once. Hand-written or maybe types poem with chocolates and maybe flowers is very memorable. Unless you like writing poems, I would save that for a special occasion. If you want to cheat slightly AI is really good at writing poems so you could tell it the things you like most about her and have it write one for you.
Still there is a pretty good chance your first relationship ends one way or another. Hopefully it ends well jt at least you learn from how it ends. But maybe she could be the one. But relationships are a lot of work. From both sides to make things happen.
Although my date cost before didn't account for gas. Still if you can make the logistical bits better you can probably half that on most of your dates.
I would probably budget if you want to account for gas, monthly;
100$ + 20-50$.(if you think through logistics or talk about it you can probably get it down to 20 if not 10$?) big date. So: 120-150$ maybe for special occasions closer to 200$ a couple times a year.
10-30$(maybe 0?) + gas (20-30$) cheap or free date and/or cheap but not chain food meal. = 20-60$
At home date, gas and like 6-10$ in ingredients if you cook something nicer. Although you could so eggs, pancakes, etc for less than 5$ total for both of you. Or meatless stuff. Those are more living together daily meals than date meals usually? Although if they spend the night even a cheap meal cooked for breakfast is appreciated.
Plus gas. You could also do a 20$ pizza. Or something which can be shared. So like 16$-50$ total. chicken tacos are cheap, easy, and respectable for an at home date meal. (If you want to save even more do egg tacos, possibly with boxed hash browns too.)
Paid activity: 30+ 80$+gas. 40-60$ most likely.
=50-110? With gas.
So bare minimum you need to budget like 250-300 for dates a month, If you have to pay for everything? If you didn't have all the gas costs or the relationship was more mature you could get it down to 150-200. most likely. Although if she is fine with 2-3 out of four dates being cheaper activity or at home dates. Then you could bring it lower before gas. (Which can be reduced to going places.)
On the upper end. 400$ minimum a month. Unless she expects like weekly outings of at least 20-30$ meal or activity level per person (so 40-60+gas) in which case you may need to negotiate either driving seperately to save your gas money. Maybe she covers the gas but not the food? Or maybe she pays for her meal. Which would be like a bare minimum of 450$ before she pitches in. And could easily climb up to 600-700$ without gifts.
But if she pays for her half of the meals then it is likely around 80-200$ month. maybe 300$?
if you want to mantain the mystique of being generous on occasion than paying for your own meals on more normal dates. Or like 20-30$ ones and then you paying for the whole date for a nice one can be a way to show you still want to spend money on her while bringing it down a bit. The alternatively approach is to bring it up less often and agree to only split the big meals. (Unless maybe it is a special occasion.) but when it comes to bringing in friends that can easily be a way for her to try to manipulate things to make it very awkward to bring up money. When you have had a long enough relationship that should be brought up and hashed out in a conversation but I would not bring it up too soon as it it might be a misunderstanding or your own fears rather than something she is trying to do. And it might be that you keep agreeing to pay for all the dates, but that she agrees to most of the dates being cheaper so long as you make enough of them active. Or having more be at home dates. Particularly if you frame it as you being able to make the nice dates nicer. While also letting you save up more money for the future.
Still talking things out and showing you are looking to the future is good. But looking like you are looking to the future too much can be presumptuous or alternatively a sign that she has you locked in too much and can mistreat you more because you think of her as potential wife material or other really long term relationship material.
Bringing up doing one 'at home date' and actually having one. Even if it stays completely chaste. In some ways even better. (Easing into it by inviting her and her friends over to your place can be good. If you want to keep it softer or keep her from thinking you are angling for a sex date.) before you actually get into a a 'let's hash out how we want to do dates' talk would be a good idea. Although I would maybe talk about going for locations closer to her home or your home to save on gas at least earlier than that. (Or just propose some nearby yourself.) taking actions to make things better without being blatant is a good way to gauge things. But a good time for the 'how do we want to keep approaching dating' conversation would be like 2nd month of dating or maybe the 5th to 7th date. 10th or even 12th can also work. 7th to 12th is about when a relationship is usually pretty steady even if not quite serious yet. Also about the time that introducing them to some of your family might make sense. Or at least mentioning them to some of them. Although 6-8 months is also a good time frame for that. If things seem to settle a bit then it might be able to wait till after the 12th date or longer.
In terms of notes things like favorite color, animal, etc. can be great for getting gifts so having those written down helps. But also favorite bands,
I wouldn't do jewelry gifts yet. But I would start with cheaper jewelry but nothing precious. A broach with a non-precious or semi-precious stone which is her favorite color. You can get those for like 20-40$ on eBay. Maybe a necklace. Or matching bracelets. If she has a favorite flower jewelry that depicts the flower is thoughtful. Although like butterflies are pretty safe. Nice Hairpins in a similar price range out of metal or wood are also good in that range. And of course stuff that fits her interests but are fairly cheap. I would do the first jewelry gift at either a special occasion. Or like maybe around the 12-16th date range on the nicest date of the month. Or like maybe in months 3-6 months into it. Doing it too early can set expectations a bit too high in some ways. Although giving cheaper jewelry earlier which is thoughtfully chosen is a lot better than dragging is a bit and then feeling like you have to get something nicer to make a special occasion feel special enough. Which is a dangerous trap. But combining cheap but nice gifts with lowering the cost of the average date generally saves you more money with better results as those things take a bit more thought than just going to an expensive restaurant and spending money and time together.
Still, if you can pick some dates i would try mixing in some mid range dates before the talk and see how they go. And maybe try combining a cheap date with an inexpensive gift.
Another tip is if you make her birthday reallt nice. Sometimes you can get away with something more low key on valentines when everything is lower costs.
Still you do have to be a little careful to have room to improve without it being too difficult so you can bring the improvements out if needed to woo her or as an incentive for something. Or when those big special occasions come around. Generally you want to exceed expectations fairly frequently. B it not so frequently or by so much that her expectations for the big stuff get blown up to be even more unreasonable, (although putting in too little effort in the day to day can sometimes cause more grief for special occasions because people appreciate being treated out occasionally. And it can be a lot harder to actually gauge their expectations. And then you can end up spending 500$ or 1,000$ just for valentines or something which is a lot of money. Or alternatively end up with her getting really mad. Unless you are basically almost engaged or something that is too much. (Although getting below 100-200$ is pretty hard. For valentines. Not sure about college level budget relationships. My first relationship lasted a little less than 6 months.
So figuring out how to moderate big gestures while still making them big is valuable.
If you treat them well enough the rest of the year. Then sometimes you can get away with proposing a valentines date after valentines and save a ton of money.
But if you can find ways to show you care while spending less money she will generally appreciate it and it can give cover to slash some costs in other places. Although if things go long enough settling into a lot of at home dates can be common. The issue then there becomes not becoming too comfortable and not putting in enough effort and attention.
buying cards or even better making homemade cards with cardstock which are simple is also an excellent way to stand out. Very few guys do anything my that thoughtful except maybe on special occasions.
(One thing worth trying eventually is throwing secondary gifts on an otherwise super cheap date. I can not guarantee the results though. But get like flowers, maybe, chocolate, etc. and go to Braum's and get like a burger and ice cream or something. Or the Dairy Queen or or some other 5-7$ place before desserts or extras. As flowers are only like 5-10$ most of the year still way cheaper than a nice restaurant date. )
If you are going to each others houses like 2 times a week or more moving to going to a date out every other week can be viable. (Once a month is stretching it. Would only recommend if you go someplace pretty nice and are living together or something and you are no where near that point.)
Although, if I was picking out dates I would probably aim for 60-70$ restaurant meals as the nice one to start that I look for rather than 100$+ altogether. And save that level for special occasions but you kind of already have that as part of your baseline unless you can maybe walk it back? (Or at least be more pro-active at picking dates.)
Although if I was less money crunched I would try to plan less of the dates. And let her pick. I would take it as a bit of a red flag of her picks were very frequently 50$/person restraunts. You wouldn't have a pattern unless that happens like 2-3 times at least.
So, it seems to me that the logistical situation of you two dating is likely to be an imposition. But as mentioned she can drive herself.
When if comes to the money thing. Hashing that out will be important.
Have you only been on two dates with her? Or significantly more. One thing that can help a little with costs earlier is to plan a decent number of dates yourself. As then you can more accurately know how much it will actually cost.
Also if you take notes and journal after your dates that can help a lot for remembering things about her and looking for things you can do to be thoughtful. Not just gifts, if your girl is not shallow. Then in most cases thoughtfulness trumps cost. If you are going out to eat and she likes music of a particular style going to restraunts or bars with live music can be a good option and usually those types of places are around the 20$/plate range.
Occasionally mixing in some tacos for dates can be good too. (Particularly if you schedule them on Tuesdays so it comes across as intentional.) as even decently nice tacos are pretty cheap and like 6-15$/person range.
But doing a free date and then also get food at some place affordable but respectable. (So not chain fast food.) can be a good approach but not regular. Once you have been going for a bit you can invite her back to your place or go to hers. If she likes board games those are often good date activities. Movies are nice but you do not want to overdo movie or Netflix dates as they can be really fun but they can also come across as lazy or uncreative.
Look around for like game stores that have free game tables if she likes games and maybe go to a board game night together. Great free date and doesn't feel cheap. (If she likes board games.)
Before you get a chance to negotiate and talk more about that stuff, (I would probably have a talk around the 5th to 6th date maybe? Although I would at least try doing a cheaper date without being blatant before bringing it up?)
Generally I would aim for maybe 1/4 cheap dates. (Ideally like either tacos or like a free or cheap activity date like less than 10$) 1/4 nice maybe not super nice dates. (20$ or maybe 15$/person sit down dates.) or 30-40$ total maybe up to 50 with tip. And then like maybe at most 1/4 dates which are a bit of pricey but not like crazy. So like 35$ spend per person maybe up 100$ total?
Generally you want to have like one date nicer than the rest per month. Although you can make it work with every other month. You will want to write down her birthday. And plan something fairly nice for that. Also, I would probably start planning for valentines right after Christmas in early January. Or late December. Figuring out Christmas is likely to be hard but you are not there yet and probably will not have been dating long enough to invite each other to family Christmases? Maybe not? Make sure you have some Christmas time dates though. Maybe go driving around to see Christmas lights. Or go see a Christmas play.
And then like maybe 1/4 paid activity dates which are a little pricier. But not terrible. Like maybe mini-golf? Those are often in like the 20-30$ a person range? Although activity dates are one of the times when fast food can work fine. If it is bought like on the way back or maybe the way there so it is clearly not the date. And maybe eaten in the car. So you might have to throw on an extra 10-20$ to pay for both your food which on the upper end for an affordable activity date. So on the upper end it can end up being as much as a nice restaurant date.
One great trick is to combo a free date with a gift that is nice but not too expensive or come with like flowers or something if they are not going to die.
One combo i like, also has some humor and irony is to bring like a box of chocolates or alternatively cookies on a walk in the park date. That way you spend like 5$ maybe 10$. But still pay less than a meal date but it doesn't feel like you are cheating out as much.
Also not sure your date frequency? Might be too early to stabilize. I am guessing like once a week? That is fairly regular but not super frequent, higher frequency can allow for more cheaper dates. If you have at least one 40$+ total date a week. then you can generally throw in a free date out and a home date in the same week if time allows which costs very little. Probably one date per weekend with all the driving? Although I could see home dates or ones nearby her or if she drove to you working on a weeknight. 1 hour each way is on the upper end of comfortable for an evening date. Although if you have to and it was someone place pretty special than 2 could be worth it?
I would also maybe try looking for a place with a published menu nearby where she lives for a date some time. And then going to her house before or after. Still a drives but more reasonable only going to be like 100 miles as it is 50 round trip. Not 150-200.
But if you can cook decently. Even if not amazing you want to show that off. In my experience the better and more willing you are to cook. The easier it is to get someone else to be willing to do things like pay for dates. Or negotiate other less typical or traditional arrangements.
If she likes any sports that can be done cheaply 1 on 1, then doing sports together is usually a pretty cheap date. Or if she really likes it and you want more of a regular thing, joining like an amature co-ed sports group together is a ton of fun. Like one that does one not really competitive game a week. Those can sometimes have a cost. (Usually more like a membership than like straight up?) But a lot of them are free. (Communities centers and churches will often have free ones. Most often for basketball.)
Tennis can be done 1 on 1 and most cities have at least one park with free courts. Will cost a little in equipment to setup.
Pickleball is also an option more popular now but mostly played by old people. So….
Ping pong is fun. Outside of college not the easiest thing to find. Unless you have space for a table. I wouldn't do it all the time unless she is really into it. In a pinch it can work as a decently cheap paid date. If you also have to get food it is likely to be like 50$ total ish. But could end up more if they charge for tables. But ideally you can find a place with free ones. (Or if she seems into doing sports together and you want variety if there is not a free rec center. Then possibly getting a rec center subscription is often like 10-30$/month ish if they do not have a pool. Which is like one date to pay for that.) i would avoid actual gym memberships much harder to cancel even if they have some red stuff. Also a little weird of an environment to go to together.
Playing video games together particularly local multiplayer is a great date. Even if she is not a gamer she probably at least has a couple games she likes. Mario party or similar are great options. (Might not have a console though?) you can often get old GameCubes or. Wiis really cheap now. Emulation is also sometimes an option. It can also work as a cheap group hangout if you order in like a pizza or something cheap for a group and then invite her friends over too. (Or maybe your friends at some point.)
If you find a computer game with online multiplayer she likes then getting on a voice all and doing some one on one matches if feasible can be fun.
Another great fairly cheap activity date is to go to like a beginners painting class together. Or if you want to buy some supppies yourself you could do a bob ross video paint-a-long. Although I would try one on your own first from a different video. Great higher effort at home date.
Museums tend to be like 20-30$ usually 25$ sometimes you can get a couple package. Do those at least once later one. Aquarium maybe? Similar range.
Community play tickets can often be like 10$ or something. Sometimes less check out any local community theaters, or community colleges, or maybe even bigger colleges and try to find out when they have yearly productions. The acting will be amature. If you do not enjoy it then it does not need to be regular, but there is a lot of value in variety. Makes things more exciting.
Occasionally doing a big activity date or hybrid dinner activity date can be great but those are pricy so maybe like 1-2 times a year. Going to a renaissance faire is great but more expensive. There is also dinner theatre. Most notably medieval times. Going out to an actual movie theatre is a classic cheaper than an expensive restraunts but still a pricey date. I generally prefer waiting till later to pull 'classic' activities out as they are not as creative. Going ice skating in winter at rink is an example. Going to an arcade together or like maybe bowling? Also there are concerts, those can get pricey. Or actually going to a more affordable sports team game together. (If she is into sports. Otherwise it is not that great a date.)
Once you have been together for a 2 months or so, I would throw in like a hiking or walking trail date some place pretty and free during the fall or maybe spring.
Logistically i would have expected about 150 miles for that sort of trip if her place is 50 miles away. Still like an hour drive plus each way, so doable but not a fun drive.
The fact that you did that at least once is a good sign. It could have been some sort of test, but the logistics of that is not great. And it is unreasonable for her to regularly expect you to be her driver if her car is not broken or something or you at least do not live nearby.
But it is mostly a time cost not a money cost. Not sure your gas mileage but like 150-200 miles is like 20-60$ of gas 5-10 gallons. unless you get like 10 miles per gallon or maybe 15? And your car is either pretty old or a truck or something? Even my old minivan got over 25 most of the time.
Traffic being really bad can make it go way worse though. But in someplaces you can even do a full tank for about 40-50$ although that is not reliable. And needing a full tank fill up during a trip like that is pretty common.
Unless you were completely full before going.
Knowing that occasionally in an emergency you have someone reliable enough and who loves you enough to pick you up, or drive you places at least with notice is a good marker of them being a good partner for a long term relationship. Because everyone's car breaks down or has some form of emergency where they need transport help eventually. Sometimes work or other things get in the way too much. Making sure that is 2 way should be done eventually.
Does she give you traditionalist/religious/old fashioned vibes or anything?
one of my great grandparents had a thing where my great grandmother wanted my great grandfather to drive her everywhere. Because she thought it was romantic but to my knowledge that did not start until they were married. Unsure. So it is possibly she has a fetish for being driven around. But like I am not sure how you would bring that up. And it would be a lot more sensible jf you lived closer together?
Although my first SO was in College. And they are generally a bit more tolerant of cheap dates there than outside there.
Not sure what your hobbies are, or what her hobbies are, as that can make a difference. At some point you should try at least once to share in as many of her hobbies as you can. And also try to bring her in to at least Try any socially acceptable hobbies you have.
Ultimately listening and communication are important in relationships but also very hard to. As a relationship grows. Part of that is essentially a negotiation. But not all. And finding ways to bring more to the table, can be a way get them to give more. But you do have to be careful they don't try to take advantage of you and make any things you do to be nice into just an expectation of something normal.
There may be other things you are bringing to the table she hasn't seen yet or you can demonstrate better. In addition to finding new things. Either ways to show your masculinity. Or alternatively or even better at the same time, ways in which you are willing to diverge from norms to make things easier for her or show your love. Or show a higher degree of attentiveness and thoughtfulness, or creativity and excitement in dates and activities.
On the masculinity side, having a handmade 'handy' gift. Or showing your masculinity know how to build things, gardening can also work. Or something sporty you are good at. (Or if not as good maybe doing something like running a 5k) getting some weights or going to the gym a bit some can work too to an extent. Getting even a little bit of muscles can go a long way. In some cases training for a 5k together or something can be a great activity for a longer term relationship.
Swimming is also great personally. And can also make a great date once you have been together a bit. Assuming you can make sure you keep your eyes on her. (Don't look at other women at the pools while your girlfriend is there should be obvious but some guys mess that up.)
It can be a bit awkward to do it to early. But it is an environement where if she is comfortable enough to do it with you she probably want sit be stared at by you a little bit. Although you can overdo it. So I would save swimming dates till after 12 dates or so. (Maybe earlier if you had sex already?)
Showing you are also investing into making yourself better shows your value is probably increasing.
Oh also for a lot of girls guys who read are sexy. Not all of them. But still. If you have time to read and mention stuff about what you are reading, or ask for book recs or stuff if she like reading that can go very well. And considering you are on QQ rather than going to some random video or comic site for porn. Then you probably at least somewhat like reading. Making sure you read some stuff that are SFW to share can be good. Even talking about royalroad books can be fun. Libraries are also another cheap option there.
Another good at home date is to try reading a story aloud to her. Still more of a longer term relationship thing. She might not like it though. But she might.
On the other end, cooking is probably the most socially normal way to provide extra value and also save yourself money. But handmade gifts can also work in more artsy directions. (Not all gifts should be handmade but mixing in some shows more willingness to think ahead about important events and to put work into the relationship.) on the cheap end would be like an ornament. But you could also stretch a drawing of her if you are a decent artist. Or possibly a painted landscapes. (If you draw from reference or even in person, landscape paintings are easy.) if you want to pull out the big guns on this angle, offer to do her laundry some time. (After date 12 at least though.) It doesn't fit what some girls want. But showing you would be willing put more into the housework sides of a relationship if it goes longer term can be used to negotiate for a bit more financial contribution from her end. (Or other forms of it.) but totally understandable if you do not want that.
Oh, and for at least one date where you plan to go all out try writing a poem at least once. Hand-written or maybe types poem with chocolates and maybe flowers is very memorable. Unless you like writing poems, I would save that for a special occasion. If you want to cheat slightly AI is really good at writing poems so you could tell it the things you like most about her and have it write one for you.
Still there is a pretty good chance your first relationship ends one way or another. Hopefully it ends well jt at least you learn from how it ends. But maybe she could be the one. But relationships are a lot of work. From both sides to make things happen.
Although my date cost before didn't account for gas. Still if you can make the logistical bits better you can probably half that on most of your dates.
I would probably budget if you want to account for gas, monthly;
100$ + 20-50$.(if you think through logistics or talk about it you can probably get it down to 20 if not 10$?) big date. So: 120-150$ maybe for special occasions closer to 200$ a couple times a year.
10-30$(maybe 0?) + gas (20-30$) cheap or free date and/or cheap but not chain food meal. = 20-60$
At home date, gas and like 6-10$ in ingredients if you cook something nicer. Although you could so eggs, pancakes, etc for less than 5$ total for both of you. Or meatless stuff. Those are more living together daily meals than date meals usually? Although if they spend the night even a cheap meal cooked for breakfast is appreciated.
Plus gas. You could also do a 20$ pizza. Or something which can be shared. So like 16$-50$ total. chicken tacos are cheap, easy, and respectable for an at home date meal. (If you want to save even more do egg tacos, possibly with boxed hash browns too.)
Paid activity: 30+ 80$+gas. 40-60$ most likely.
=50-110? With gas.
So bare minimum you need to budget like 250-300 for dates a month, If you have to pay for everything? If you didn't have all the gas costs or the relationship was more mature you could get it down to 150-200. most likely. Although if she is fine with 2-3 out of four dates being cheaper activity or at home dates. Then you could bring it lower before gas. (Which can be reduced to going places.)
On the upper end. 400$ minimum a month. Unless she expects like weekly outings of at least 20-30$ meal or activity level per person (so 40-60+gas) in which case you may need to negotiate either driving seperately to save your gas money. Maybe she covers the gas but not the food? Or maybe she pays for her meal. Which would be like a bare minimum of 450$ before she pitches in. And could easily climb up to 600-700$ without gifts.
But if she pays for her half of the meals then it is likely around 80-200$ month. maybe 300$?
if you want to mantain the mystique of being generous on occasion than paying for your own meals on more normal dates. Or like 20-30$ ones and then you paying for the whole date for a nice one can be a way to show you still want to spend money on her while bringing it down a bit. The alternatively approach is to bring it up less often and agree to only split the big meals. (Unless maybe it is a special occasion.) but when it comes to bringing in friends that can easily be a way for her to try to manipulate things to make it very awkward to bring up money. When you have had a long enough relationship that should be brought up and hashed out in a conversation but I would not bring it up too soon as it it might be a misunderstanding or your own fears rather than something she is trying to do. And it might be that you keep agreeing to pay for all the dates, but that she agrees to most of the dates being cheaper so long as you make enough of them active. Or having more be at home dates. Particularly if you frame it as you being able to make the nice dates nicer. While also letting you save up more money for the future.
Still talking things out and showing you are looking to the future is good. But looking like you are looking to the future too much can be presumptuous or alternatively a sign that she has you locked in too much and can mistreat you more because you think of her as potential wife material or other really long term relationship material.
Bringing up doing one 'at home date' and actually having one. Even if it stays completely chaste. In some ways even better. (Easing into it by inviting her and her friends over to your place can be good. If you want to keep it softer or keep her from thinking you are angling for a sex date.) before you actually get into a a 'let's hash out how we want to do dates' talk would be a good idea. Although I would maybe talk about going for locations closer to her home or your home to save on gas at least earlier than that. (Or just propose some nearby yourself.) taking actions to make things better without being blatant is a good way to gauge things. But a good time for the 'how do we want to keep approaching dating' conversation would be like 2nd month of dating or maybe the 5th to 7th date. 10th or even 12th can also work. 7th to 12th is about when a relationship is usually pretty steady even if not quite serious yet. Also about the time that introducing them to some of your family might make sense. Or at least mentioning them to some of them. Although 6-8 months is also a good time frame for that. If things seem to settle a bit then it might be able to wait till after the 12th date or longer.
In terms of notes things like favorite color, animal, etc. can be great for getting gifts so having those written down helps. But also favorite bands,
I wouldn't do jewelry gifts yet. But I would start with cheaper jewelry but nothing precious. A broach with a non-precious or semi-precious stone which is her favorite color. You can get those for like 20-40$ on eBay. Maybe a necklace. Or matching bracelets. If she has a favorite flower jewelry that depicts the flower is thoughtful. Although like butterflies are pretty safe. Nice Hairpins in a similar price range out of metal or wood are also good in that range. And of course stuff that fits her interests but are fairly cheap. I would do the first jewelry gift at either a special occasion. Or like maybe around the 12-16th date range on the nicest date of the month. Or like maybe in months 3-6 months into it. Doing it too early can set expectations a bit too high in some ways. Although giving cheaper jewelry earlier which is thoughtfully chosen is a lot better than dragging is a bit and then feeling like you have to get something nicer to make a special occasion feel special enough. Which is a dangerous trap. But combining cheap but nice gifts with lowering the cost of the average date generally saves you more money with better results as those things take a bit more thought than just going to an expensive restaurant and spending money and time together.
Still, if you can pick some dates i would try mixing in some mid range dates before the talk and see how they go. And maybe try combining a cheap date with an inexpensive gift.
Another tip is if you make her birthday reallt nice. Sometimes you can get away with something more low key on valentines when everything is lower costs.
Still you do have to be a little careful to have room to improve without it being too difficult so you can bring the improvements out if needed to woo her or as an incentive for something. Or when those big special occasions come around. Generally you want to exceed expectations fairly frequently. B it not so frequently or by so much that her expectations for the big stuff get blown up to be even more unreasonable, (although putting in too little effort in the day to day can sometimes cause more grief for special occasions because people appreciate being treated out occasionally. And it can be a lot harder to actually gauge their expectations. And then you can end up spending 500$ or 1,000$ just for valentines or something which is a lot of money. Or alternatively end up with her getting really mad. Unless you are basically almost engaged or something that is too much. (Although getting below 100-200$ is pretty hard. For valentines. Not sure about college level budget relationships. My first relationship lasted a little less than 6 months.
So figuring out how to moderate big gestures while still making them big is valuable.
If you treat them well enough the rest of the year. Then sometimes you can get away with proposing a valentines date after valentines and save a ton of money.
But if you can find ways to show you care while spending less money she will generally appreciate it and it can give cover to slash some costs in other places. Although if things go long enough settling into a lot of at home dates can be common. The issue then there becomes not becoming too comfortable and not putting in enough effort and attention.
buying cards or even better making homemade cards with cardstock which are simple is also an excellent way to stand out. Very few guys do anything my that thoughtful except maybe on special occasions.
(One thing worth trying eventually is throwing secondary gifts on an otherwise super cheap date. I can not guarantee the results though. But get like flowers, maybe, chocolate, etc. and go to Braum's and get like a burger and ice cream or something. Or the Dairy Queen or or some other 5-7$ place before desserts or extras. As flowers are only like 5-10$ most of the year still way cheaper than a nice restaurant date. )
If you are going to each others houses like 2 times a week or more moving to going to a date out every other week can be viable. (Once a month is stretching it. Would only recommend if you go someplace pretty nice and are living together or something and you are no where near that point.)
Although, if I was picking out dates I would probably aim for 60-70$ restaurant meals as the nice one to start that I look for rather than 100$+ altogether. And save that level for special occasions but you kind of already have that as part of your baseline unless you can maybe walk it back? (Or at least be more pro-active at picking dates.)
Although if I was less money crunched I would try to plan less of the dates. And let her pick. I would take it as a bit of a red flag of her picks were very frequently 50$/person restraunts. You wouldn't have a pattern unless that happens like 2-3 times at least.
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NumberSix
Experienced.
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Sounds like you are bearing all the burdens in this relarionshit. You are within your full right to want your finances in order.
Draw a few hard lines, maybe get her to donsometh inexpensive for a date, but first try to get her to show how much she appreciates you with a bolwjob or several.
If her oral skills aren't worth it you are probably better off using the money on hookers and dumping this one.
Vladicus
Sage of reason and incomplete information
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You're experiencing dating outside your price range. This is not an attack on her, women experience this too, when dating other people far richer than them. She sounds like a decent woman but she obviously comes from another socio-economic bracket than you do, she is used to things you obviously can't afford on a regular basis as normal.
You have two choices on this, get another revenue stream that allows you to meet her expectations, or start negotiations on the level of financial involvement you can meet. You have a budget and if she wants to exceed it, then she will have to pay the difference. Just be prepared for this to make or break the relationship, because money can and will break relationships, you cannot escape this, and nobody is at fault if the relationship does break.
You don't like worrying about money, especially when it's your own, but the thought remains and the issue is that she will share at least some of the bad thoughts the more you bring it up.
I would offer that, as a stop-gap measure ,you find ways to date that don't involve spending too much money, like going to a park, coffee dates or even cooking for her or even together as a bonding experience depending on your budget and her preferences if any of those reduces costs. A relationship is about vibes as much as communication, if your partner has to be too conscious on money problems whenever they want to do anything, that might genuinely turn them off.