Homecoming (Kancolle)

[Aurora Raven]

The Shetlands were supposed to be safe. They were safe. Years without any attacks, without even any sighting of an Abyssal, but the moment I decide to visit it… Always picking the wrong queue at the post office.

It's ridiculous to be thinking about post office queues at a time like this. Ridiculous thoughts are all I have left in the wake of fear and hysteria.

Two days in a lifeboat being towed somewhere by Abyssals. Two days waiting to be killed. Two days imagining what they're going to do to us.

I don't know how many people were on the ferry. At least three dozen, probably more. Now there are just three of us on this lifeboat.

I shall not soon forget what happened to the others, no matter how much I want to. The small ones look like children, but they're the worst. Smiling angelically as they kill in the bloodiest ways imaginable. They would have killed us all if the adult ones hadn't dragged them off, still covered in blood and guts. They kept us alive, are keeping us alive, for some reason.

There's only so long you can be scared out of your mind, and it's less than two days.

I ran out of tears a few hours in, rested in catatonia, then cried for hours more.

I don't know the order of the stages of grief, but I've been through denial, I was too scared for anger, and who would I bargain with? The monsters outside? That just leaves depression and acceptance, right?

Maybe I cried all the stress hormones out because I just feel numb now. Is this depression or acceptance? It could be either.

No, I don't think it's acceptance. I'm not ready to die.

Maybe I should. Maybe I should climb out of the boat. Not to try and swim to land, that would never work. Even if I were a strong swimmer, which I'm not, no one could make it to land; not this far out, not in this cold. But to drown, to die before we get to wherever they're taking us, before they do whatever they're planning to do to us.

I'm too scared though. I really don't want to die.

Am I really going to just sit here and wait for them to torture us to death because I'm too scared to drown?

If I'm even allowed to drown. They want us alive for some reason. Would they just fish me out of the sea? If I got past the adults, the small ones would get me.

Drowning is the best case.

I still don't want to drown.

At least we have plenty of food and water with so few of us. Not that the food is good, or our appetite great. We have eaten little, and in silence. The presence of the monsters outside is oppressive. I still don't know my fellow survivors' names.

Is there any point in asking the names of people who are about to die?

Yes, so someone remembers them, so someone can tell others about what happened to them. Everyone deserves that, but I can't do that for them. I'm going to die too. I'm in the same boat as them. Heh, I'm literally in the same boat as them.

My breath catches and I almost giggle at the unintentional wordplay.

I thought the hysteria had ended. I guess I've still got a little left in me.

Thoughts running around my head. Anything to distract from the situation. I feel sick. Nauseous with stress. Static in my mind.

I try to control my breathing, choke down any more sobs.

It's stupid, no one will judge me for this, no one can blame me, I've already done it plenty, but it still feels embarrassing to cry in front of people. The others aren't crying. Am I lesser for doing so?

Maybe they want to cry too and we're all just putting on a strong front for each other.

I'm glad I'm not alone.

It's selfish to be glad they're here too, dying too, but I don't want to die alone.

I should talk to them. These are the last hours of my life, I shouldn't squander them in my own head.

How can I be scared of speaking to another human, especially at a time like this? Terminal and still procrastinating. I'm so pathetic.

No. I won't die with regrets over not engaging in the last opportunity for human connection I'll ever have. I muster my courage.

"Hey—"

I'm cut off and thrown forward as the boat jerks harshly to a stop.

The door is ripped off its hinges.

An Abyssal climbs in. One of the adult ones. She reaches for me.

This is it then. Oh God I hope the Christians were right about life after death. I'm the thief on the cross, the atheist in the foxhole. Lord forgive me. Forgive me for not knowing the words, for not having the time, for not… for not. I hope I see my parents again. I hope—

She doesn't kill me.

She grabs my arm and pulls me to my feet. She drags me out of the lifeboat.

I try to pull away, but her hand is like a vice, her pace inexorable. There's nothing I can do against her strength.

The other two men are being pulled out as well, their resistance just as futile as mine.

One spits at the Abyssal holding him. It hits her square in the face. He pays for his defiance. She tightens her grip. A terrible crack. An agonised scream. His arm shatters. He collapses, only held up by the hold she has on his broken arm.

I don't know if she intends to do more, but a fourth Abyssal pulls her away.

"We need them alive!"

"It's just an arm. He's not dead."

"Control yourself." She hisses, then turns to the one holding me. "Bring them, everything is ready."

We are made to walk up the black beach, lest we be dragged up it. Everything is black. The sand, the rocks, the clouds filling the sky above. It looks like hell. It feels like hell.

The air is thick, I struggle to breathe it in.

Every step makes it worse, the nausea and dizziness growing.

Ahead is a structure. Dark brick, dark metal, just, dark. Blurry, the details changing moment by moment, shadows deepening, contrast not showing properly. My eyes refuse to focus. My headache intensifies. I close my eyes and let my captor pull me along.

I can feel it as soon as we enter. The absence of what little sunlight there was outside, the cold that feels like it's leeching all vitality from me. Which circle of hell is the frozen one? Is Lucifer waiting for me at the end of this corridor?

I'm led into a larger room. There is something, someone there. Worse than Lucifer. Bigger than the other Abyssals. No, the same size, but larger in presence. Such terrible presence. My eyes burn trying to look at her. My ears ring, the screech rising in pitch and power beyond what I thought possible. The pressure on my eardrums building and building. I can't take this.

My legs give way. I fall to my hands and knees. I throw up, acid burning my throat and mouth. I try to wipe away the tears from my eyes and my hand comes back with blood. My nose runs with hot blood, dripping onto the stone floor, the only colour in this monochrome hell.

I'm dying. Just being near this monstrosity is killing me.

The pressure lessens. I can hear again. Footsteps heading away.

The devil is leaving. Sparing me. I see her back as she walks away. Her demons are still here though.

I can't stand. I try to crawl away, dragging limp legs behind me. I reach a wall. I cower against it.

I see a circle in the centre of the room, blacker than black. A void within its boundary.

I see the other two, their pale, deathly pallours, the blood streaking down from their eyes and noses. They're alive. They look dead. I must look the same.

None of us are leaving this place alive.

I'm so tired. Everything hurts.

Why can't we be saved?

Why is there no one to save us?

One of the Abyssals picks up the man with the broken arm. He twitches in her arms. She walks to the circle, and drops him into it. A splash reveals it to be a pool of something. A black liquid that quickly covers him.

Whatever life is left in him stirs as he thrashes and flails. Trying to get out. The liquid coats him, spreads across him. His figure becomes less defined. He's melting. He's screaming. He's gone.

The pool returns to stillness.

The Abyssal walks back to us and grabs the second man. I don't watch. I need to get out of here.

I hear the splash behind me.

I crawl.

I hear the crying.

I crawl.

I hear the silence.

I feel a hand grab my leg.

No no no no no.

My fingers find no purchase on the stone floor.

I'm dragged backwards, towards the pool, towards death.

Splash.

I thought it would hurt. I don't feel any pain. I don't feel anything. I'm sinking. I can't feel my legs. The liquid covers everything. I reach for the edge. My arm is too short. Where are my fingers? Where is my hand? The liquid is up to my neck. I think I'm kicking my legs, but nothing is happening. I keep sinking. It's in my mouth now. I'm drowning.

---

Where am I?

It's cold. Are my eyes open or closed? Do I still have eyes? I can't tell. It's pitch black. It's so cold.

I can feel something vital leaving me. Something I didn't know I had till I felt the absence.

I'm dying. I'm being consumed.

Please. Someone. Anyone. Help me. Please. I don't want this. I don't want to die. Please. I'll do anything, just save me.

Something moves, brushing against me. It's vast. It hates. It hates so much. It touches me.

---

I'm looking at the stone floor.

I'm kneeling. The circle is around me, but the pool is gone.

I feel… fine. The sickness is gone. I can see, I can hear, I can feel, I can think.

My arm! I look at it. It's all there: arm, hand, fingers. This isn't my hand. It's too small. It's white.

I turn my head to examine it, white strands fall into the edge of my vision. Hair?

"A carrier, not quite like Tungsten though." One of the Abyssals is talking to another. "I'll go tell the Princess. Tungsten will want to know as well." She leaves the room.

The Princess! That monster is coming back here? I can't face her again! I need to get out! I feel fine. I can stand. I can run!

Fear and adrenaline fill me.

Action stations. Action stations. Assume damage control state one. Condition Zebra.

I can almost hear a klaxon, a voice whispering in the back of my head.

I jump to my feet and sprint for the door. My foot doesn't hit the ground right, but I adjust and keep running.

An Abyssal is blocking my way, the one that manhandled me earlier.

I try to push past her, hoping my momentum will do something.

Crash!

She goes flying, slamming against the wall. I don't slow down at all. How did I do that?

No time for that. I continue my flight. I don't know what happened, but I feel so strong. I can escape! I can survive!

Sunlight! Only a bit further. I'm out of their godforsaken keep. Stone tiles give way to rock, give way to soil, to sand, to water.

I'm running on water. On the sea. Like a Shipgirl. Like an Abyssal.

I'll run all the way home.

Full speed ahead, all engines.

South. I need to go south. I think it's morning, sun in the east, sun to my left.

Set course bearing 180°.

I adjust slightly. I know this is south.

The island is behind me, further away with every moment. I've escaped hell. I'm going home.