i am boned [undertale/worm]

i am boned [undertale/worm]​

I needed to get out of my room for a bit, to do... something. I didn't know. I could only lie in my bed for so long, especially since the internet had been cut a few days ago. The guilt would gnaw me anyway, forcing me to go out and do anything, anything at all.

Sometimes I wondered if my behaviour could be considered... healthy. My experiences were enough reason for the PRT to request a therapist see me at weekends, to help me work through it all. But it didn't help much at all. Then one day I just stopped going.

Today I decided to simply wander around. I wore long black pants, a white wife-beater and a blue hoodie to cover myself. I didn't really care for shoes, so I just wore my slippers and walked out of my flat. The irony of my situation wasn't missed by me.

Still, I passed by the condo mailboxes and decided to check my own. The mail was full to the brim. I didn't really care, but still dug through all the late payments and warning notices until I managed to find my PRT pension and welfare check. Being medical unfit for work, while also being a cape, has allowed me to live of the government.

Maybe I would pay for the internet today. And the light.

Maybe.

In the end, I walked out to the seaside instead. There wasn't much for me to do but watch the gentle waves as the sun set, it was soothing. I stood there entranced, watching the sun slowly set with my back against the city. That way people wouldn't look at my face.

It wasn't until the moon started to rise in the horizon that a young woman walked to stand next to me. "go away, kid." I simply muttered. She was probably someone curious of how I looked beneath all these layers of clothes, most of the local kids had already satisfied their curiosity, but it wasn't rare for someone to want to talk to me from time to time.

Strangely she did not say a word, she simply kept me company in silence.

I noticed her sneaking glances at me, but I couldn't feel any fear or disgust. She strikes me as someone who genuinely doesn't care about my deformity. It is a weird experience.

"You can't drown you know?" the girl suddenly said after a while. Her tone was soft, and it felt strangely comforting. It made me look at her curiously. "Some people may be fooled by the grin on your face," she said then, turning to look at me added, "but I know that you never smile."

She looks into my eye sockets and doesn't recoil in horror, doesn't turn away or treat me badly because of how I look. She doesn't stare. I do stare at the girl, she wasn't beautiful in the stunning kind of way, but rather cute and mousy. And quite cute. Petite, dark blonde, with freckles. She also was wearing a well-worn, but obviously cared after, pair of jeans, a sweater and a backpack.

If I still had a brain with hormones, it might have started acting up by now. But now all I could do was appreciate her looks and think that once upon a time she may have been my type. "i'm perfectly fine girl, now scram and stop bothering me." I simply answered as I started walking away, back home. To be alone once more. She would probably get the message.

Instead she followed me and walked by my side, "You aren't fine and you know it." she said with melancholy on her voice.

I stopped and looked at her pointedly. "who are you, and what do you want with me?!"

"I want to help." the girl answered. I merely scoffed.

"i don't need your help. go, leave me alone. there is nothing you could do." I grumbled and continued walking with a faster pace, trying to ignore the annoying girl that got stuck by my side.

"How long has it been since you took a bath? Since you ate anything? Do you even take care of yourself anymore?" The girl started blabbering as she matched my gait.

I could not help but stop on my tracks and look at her, the light inside my eyes dying with my anger. "why do you care?!" I exclaimed. "you don't know me! i'm a stranger, why the fuck do you care?!"

"Because no one else does," the girl replied as she met my haze.

I actually froze for a second at that, before I glared at the girl with empty eye sockets as my ire raised, "i am not some pity case for you to try to 'fix', just because i am 'different' and 'misunderstood.' " I growled. This, this type of people wasn't new. "just leave already, i'm not interested in anything you can offer to me." And it was the truth. I don't care about the kindness of others, most times it isn't even real.

Rather, I feel almost resentful at times. Not of everyone else, but of the way I appear to the world. How they change their own behaviour to accommodate me. It isn't enough that they see me as different, as a monster. But they have to draw attention to that fact, sometimes without even meaning to.

"I'm sorry you think you are not worth it," the girl said as she suddenly intertwined our arms and started dragging me somewhere. "but I am going to befriend the shit out of you."

"no." I reply.

Something flickers on her face for the briefest of moments, before it returns to a normal expression once more. I can't place what it was, but the girl then smiles at me, a big, cheerful, and clearly fake smile. "I feel somewhat annoyed at your determination to deny anything is the matter." And that was that.

There wasn't anything I could do, I was just a skeleton. I was the weakest of all monsters.

And it's not like I cared.

So we went out, she took me for a cheap dinner where I dined in silence. I tried to ignore her ramblings, but I simply could not.

While I attempted to ignore her and not reply to anything she said, I must admit that it had been a long time since I had a smile on my face.

--

"Wake up you bonehead!" I heard a shout coming from my door. I then sneaked a glance at the clock. nine-twenty in the morning? No. Screw that. I was going back to sleep.

I decided to just cover my head with pillows and wait for whoever was knocking to leave. They would get tired eventually. They always do.

Still, I couldn't quite shake the nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. Whomever wanted to catch my attention was certainly making a ruckus, it almost sounded like—

Suddenly I had an epiphany as I noticed that whomever it was, was knocking at my door. The door of my room, inside my apartment. I then opened my eyes and actually bothered to stand up and go look what the hell was happening. It would be such a hassle replacing everything if it was a robbery.

Cautiously opening my door I stared at what was in front of me in surprise. I actually blinked, shook my head, looked back to make sure I had slept on my room, and looked again once more to make sure it was real. "huh, who knew i had a carpet." I muttered as I tried to search for the culprit.

It wasn't that hard to be honest. "what the fuck are you doing in my home, and where did you even get a vacuum?" I simply drawled as the blonde tidied the place up. It was bigger than I remember.

"Well, I'm cleaning the place obviously." she exclaimed as she powered on the machine. "Don't you think it looks way better now? A tidy home is a tidy mind after all!"

I don't know if I wanted to hug or throttle the girl as she finished her sentence with a small nod and a vulpine smile.

"what are you, my mother? and really, what the fuck are you still doing in the house of a strange skeleton. i could be a villain for all you know." Then I pointed at the door, "How did you even get in here?!"

The girl only beamed at my reply. "Your door was open. And you are not a villain, I know you would never hurt me."

"i. am. a. fucking. walking. skeleton." I stated slowly, and clearly. The urge to massage my non-existent temples raising. "anyway, it's not me we are talking about. don't you have anywhere else to be?"

"No." the girl replied cheerily. "I don't have anywhere to go, so I'm staying."

I just looked at the girl, and hoped my face could convey my emotions. Because, really? Really? "we don't know each other woman, why would i even let you stay in my home."

The girl wasn't fazed by my words. At all. Instead, she walked to me and took my hand in a handshake. The fact that she didn't flinch away at the complex structures of the metacarpals and phalanges that made up my hands was actually surprising. "My name is Lisa Wilbourn, and I will be in your care, Charles."

Then, then I understood a situation a little more. This was Tattletale? I honestly expected her to be taller. And more stunning. Now there was no way for me to let her go, she was just as damaged as me. Just as damaged as any other parahuman.

But I knew her fixation wouldn't let her abandon me.

Fuck, she would stick to me like a limpet. With a sigh of defeat, I shook her hand. "if you want to stay, you will need to pull your weight." I said.

Lisa raised an eyebrow and made the motion of looking around the place. "I think being able to see the floor is already quite an improvement."

"..."

"i am going back to sleep."

"Oh, no you don't!" Lisa suddenly said before taking my hand and dragging me to the kitchen. "I made a nice breakfast for us, and then we will go out, anywhere. You won't stay here all day long!"

I looked at her in stupefaction for a few moments as I tried to understand her words. Then, I replied. "I don't think I have the stomach to eat your cooking."

"Hey—!" the girl exclaimed before suddenly pausing and blinking, a small smirk forming on her face. "Did you just..."

I grinned, really grinned, as the girl stared at me and groaned.

"don't be such a boner." I added.

"Come one, that was awful!" the girl giggled before shaking her head, "Just shut up, and eat your food."

"i don't need to eat to be honest." I shrugged. "It's just going to be a waste of money." And it was truth. I could taste everything fine, but I did not need to eat.

"It's not." Lisa replied vehemently. "You can eat, and you are going to eat. There is no need for you to alienate yourself to the human condition and feel worse than you do."

I coughed, I didn't even have lungs but damn. I needed to stall, and think of a way to turn this around. "are you trying to be my wife lisa? making me breakfast, cleaning the house, taking me out on a date. i am starting to fear for my chastity."

The girl stared at me with a frown on her face for a few -quiet long- moments. "I could do worse," she said slowly before shrugging. "Ok, I'm your girlfriend from now on! So you have to hear me, and obey me. Chop chop, go eat your breakfasts."

"wat." I stated plainly.

"I'm your girlfriend, you are my boyfriend. Not so hard to figure out, and that way you can't throw me out!" the girl exclaimed.

"you... you can't just say things like that! and anyway, i don't think you can grasp it on your mind, but i am a fucking skeleton. i am made of cold, hard, soulless bone."

"Silly bonehead. I also have a skeleton inside me, and I have a soul!" Probably not. I don't believe things would be so easy for me. "And, you still want to be loved. You want someone to confide in, someone you can rely, you want a friend." the girl said with a sad smile. "And hey! I made you breakfast, doesn't that count for something?"

"goddamit! stop using your powers on me!" I exclaimed as I looked at her infuriating face.

"So you figured it out?" The girl said with a smirk. "For some reason I expected you to figure it out a lot sooner, but I'm still not leaving! I like the place, and I'm quite sure you clean up nicely enough."

I looked at the girl, and wasn't sure what to say. So I only said what came to my mind. "lisa, you can stay. you ran away, didn't you?" I took a deep breath after that. "you don't have to worry about anything, but please, at least do not play with me."

It seems I struck a chord with the girl, as she suddenly deflated a second as she looked at me. "You really believe I am using you just for your hospitality don't you?" she muttered before walking towards me.

"I'm not joking about something like this," she whispered, "I really want to help, no matter how much you think I don't. You believe that there isn't any point in anything. And it's not like you want to die, you simply don't care for your life."

"Fuck that. I will be your best friend, your girlfriend even. But I won't let you think like that."

Then the girl gently hugged me.

"i'm a skeleton lisa." I whispered quietly.

"Spooky." she answered.

"i am not exactly a good friend material."

"You haven't stopped hugging me yet."

"if for some crazy reason you are serious, i will never be able to do anything to show you my affection to start with."

"Then it's good that I am asexual." was her answer.

"i will never win this, will i?"

"Nope."

"...let's just eat already."

---

The sound of running water is the first thing I hear in the morning. Apparently Lisa, somehow, sneaked into my room and entered into my bathroom. Joy.

I don't really care about that, but by the sound of running water. It doesn't really help, making me slightly more aware of my surroundings each moment. I notice a lot of light around me. A painful lot of light. Too much light. I roll onto my back, use a pillow to shield my eyes and stay there. Yes, much better.

Eventually, I discover that I just can't sleep anymore, so I look around the room through squinted eyes. Eye sockets. Whatever. The torturing light turns out to be sunlight from the nearby window. My eye falls in the nearby curtain. If I could get to that curtain and close it that would make things a lot more bearable.

Next to me I can see my clock; It clearly says eight twenty four.

Damnit Lisa.

Of course, the curtain's too far to close from where I'm lying, so I'll have to get out of the bed and make my way over there which is easier said than done.

I really don't want to get out of bed, but that light isn't going away by itself...

Damn. She hasn't been here one day and I am already plotting twenty three different ways of murdering her.

"~♪♫" I suddenly hear Lisa start humming from the shower. I swear she is doing it on purpose. I just need to ignore her, breathe, and, if at all possible, don't in fact murder her. Lifting my arm, I gather some of my magic as I gently pull the curtains with a sweeping motion.

Telekinesis is quite useful.

Covering myself with the blanket and a pillow, I decided to attempt to sleep again. I failed. "why were you in my bathroom?" I manage to mutter once the woman finished getting ready. Thankfully, she was already wearing her jeans and a top.

"It's the only one you have," Lisa replied with a shrug as she opened my curtains, again. "Besides, I hadn't bathed in a few days. It felt glorio—"

"ok," I interrupted. "now, get out."

The girl shot a cute frown at me, making me weakly shuckle. "Now, take a bath! I won't be living with a slob."

"this is my home."

"I don't care! To the bath, now!" she added as she attempted to drag me out of the bed. I futilely attempted to hold onto my blankets as she took them away.

"i am an skeleton, i don't really need to bath."

"You are not an skeleton." The woman denied vehemently. "Skeletons don't talk, skeletons don't feel, skeletons don't sweat or are warm to the touch. Skeletons are dead."

Looking at her, I sighed in defeat. Why did I let her stay again?

"That's better." she nodded as I groggily stood up. "I restocked the place, I can't believe you didn't have anything beside soap."

Oh yeah, because she cares.

Not that it will last long; Whether it is in two years, or in thirty, Earth is doomed.

"when did you do this?" I suddenly asked as I entered my bathroom. The bathroom had been taken over by mysterious bottles and tubs and things completely alien to me. Why are there four different shampoos? "and how did you even pay for it."

"I have my own money," she shot me a smirk while closing the door.

I honestly didn't knew how to take a bath anymore. I was a goddamn skeleton, I didn't need to use the shower. Or the toilet. Maybe brush my teeth and jaws, but that was all. At most I found laying down in a tub of hot water and hydrogen peroxide relaxing.

I didn't want to stay here for too long, and cleaning carefully each of my bones would be such a hassle. So instead I just rinsed my skull, arms, ribs and hips. Not much later I got out of the shower, not really feeling any better but certainly feeling more awake.

And smelling like peaches.

I don't think Lisa liked me using dishwasher soap.

"what are you doing?" I said as I left my room and looked at the woman sitting in the kitchenette counter.

"Going over your mail," she replied without even bothering to look at me. "If I am going to live here, I am making sure we have all our necessities and aren't evicted."

"i don't even have a second room," I replied as I sat down in the couch and turned on the TV. "where do even plan to stay in here?"

"Meh." She replied. "The coach was nice, better than sleeping in the streets." Oh. "And anyway, as soon as your room is cleaned I'm quite sure you won't mind sharing your bed."

This time I didn't even bother to take her bait. "just be carefull, my ribs are sharp."

She snorted before continuing working. I merely watched the morning news for quite the while before I heard Lisa stretch and yawn. "I think I have everything in order now." she stated, making me recline over the couch to look at her.

"huh?"

"Come on, we are going out." The girl ordered without even bothering to look at me. "We need to cash your checks and then pay the bills."

I took a deep breath before standing up. "you are really planning to stay, aren't you?"

"No." Lisa replied smugly, making me blink in confusion. "We, are only staying here until we get the money to get a bigger, and nicer place."

"that's nice." I replied in a deadpan. "now, please. illuminate me; how we are going to make money? i am a walking skeleton unable to do any strenuous jobs and lacking any education diploma. you are a teenage runaway that likes to barge too much into others business."
They fight crime!
"I'm quite sure I can figure it out later," she waved me away while looking around for something, "Besides, we both have powers, and that's quite a big advantage don't you think?" She didn't take more than a few seconds to find the apartment keys under fridge. Huh, so that's where they were.

I sighed in defeat. Fuck it, whatever happens happens. "fine, let's go."

 

Is this a declaration of intent this continue this story? Because if so I'm onboard.

 

Indeed

 

Whelp, canon has been completly diverted, if Tattletale fixates on helping Charles instead of Taylor. Though, a large case of Canonus Interruptus via Coil might be a good way to get Mr. Apathetic involved in things.

Either way, I can't wait to see where this goes.

 

Out of curiosity, how did he end up as sans?

 

Ahhhh I see. I've been looking for a "Sans" in worm fic for a while, so this will be good. It does make me wonder about how Charles stats translate into real world stats thought. In the game Sans had 1HP but ludicrous dodging skills. Plus there's that whole space/time manipulation speculations, either way, you have my attention.