1. Due to issues with external spam filters, QQ is currently unable to send any mail to Microsoft E-mail addresses. This includes any account at live.com, hotmail.com or msn.com. Signing up to the forum with one of these addresses will result in your verification E-mail never arriving. For best results, please use a different E-mail provider for your QQ address.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. For prospective new members, a word of warning: don't use common names like Dennis, Simon, or Kenny if you decide to create an account. Spammers have used them all before you and gotten those names flagged in the anti-spam databases. Your account registration will be rejected because of it.
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Since it has happened MULTIPLE times now, I want to be very clear about this. You do not get to abandon an account and create a new one. You do not get to pass an account to someone else and create a new one. If you do so anyway, you will be banned for creating sockpuppets.
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If you wish to change your username, please ask via conversation to tehelgee instead of asking via my profile. I'd like to not clutter it up with such requests.
    Dismiss Notice
  5. Due to the actions of particularly persistent spammers and trolls, we will be banning disposable email addresses from today onward.
    Dismiss Notice
  6. A note about the current Ukraine situation: Discussion of it is still prohibited as per Rule 8
    Dismiss Notice
  7. The rules regarding NSFW links have been updated. See here for details.
    Dismiss Notice
  8. The testbed for the QQ XF2 transition is now publicly available. Please see more information here.
    Dismiss Notice

Just Trying to get by on the Open Sea… - One Piece SI

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by abyss_kaiser, May 7, 2020.

  1. abyss_kaiser

    abyss_kaiser Ruler of the Darkest Depths

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2018
    Messages:
    2,798
    Likes Received:
    86,692
    Just Trying to get by on the Open Sea… - One Piece SI

    o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

    It really is odd, this whole… new life deal.

    One moment I’m living my life, slowly working my self up into a proper job as a librarian and preparing to begin saving up for eventual retirement down the line.

    I was approaching 25, already passed the initial fumbling into adulthood, and so of course just as I was beginning to settle comfortably into life I was hit by… a truck.

    Yes yes I know, such a cliche. Well cliches tend to be based upon common ideas, and vehicles were one of the greatest causes of death in the US, so take that how you will.

    It was such a nice day too. I’d had a rare day where I wanted to go out and do something instead of gaming or reading or watching YouTube.

    I drove to Duluth with my brother to eat at one of those Italian places, and as we walked on the boardwalk back to our parking spot, just casually bullshitting like brothers do, I hear a series of screams.

    Reacting far to slowly, I look dumbly behind me just before I’m rammed full force by some old beater truck, the force propelling my broken body off the boardwalk and onto the rocky beach of Lake Superior.

    My vision was already failing at that point, but it’s been burned into my memory forever.

    The last thing I remember is hearing my brother shouting in panic as he tried to reach me, the panic of the crowd…

    And the oddly soothing sound of the water crashing into the rocks.

    I looked out at Lake Superior one last time, remarking in my mind how even though the Lake may as well be an inland sea, I’ve never seen the ocean before.

    And then I died. And the next thing I knew, I was being held by a blurry giant figure, myself drinking something delicious and nourishing from an odd container.

    Over the next few years, I would come to realize I was yet again a baby.

    Obviously this made me have a short freak out at some point. The fact my mind wasn't consigned to oblivion kind of tore at my worldview, but nevertheless, there’s only so long you can get held up on such matters.

    I soon found out I was abandoned by my new mother just after I had been weened off her milk at the bare minimum of time. I suppose I should feel grateful she was at least willing to do that, but it was a cold comfort as I experienced the reality of an orphanage in a world with technology from, at best, the Victorian era Although that assessment would soon be flipped upside down

    Ah, I suppose we should get into the story, yeah?

    O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oo-o-

    I took a deep breath as I finished sweeping the floors of the entry hall, my job done for the day.

    Putting the broom and dustpan away after trashing the dirt, I washed my hands with water and soap and looked out the window at the kids playing outside, or also doing their jobs.

    Us orphans didn’t get to benefit from a proper social system designed with the lives of the nation’s citizens in mind. Here we were given the necessary food and car needed until we were ready to begin at least doing odd jobs, and we were sent out into the city to work and “earn our keep”

    It stung at my modern western values, but I didn't need any of the beatings others got to get in line, knowing I had no leverage to speak of to fight back.

    Thankfully I managed to get a relatively easy job of cleaning the floors of several middle class merchants.

    It wasn't easy at times, but I just stuck through, took my paltry earnings and pocketed what I could before giving the lions share to the orphanage.

    It wasn't all bad I suppose, if you squinted.

    “Jonas! Jonas over here!” Cried a young boys voice, and I looked up, blinking curiously, as the son of the merchant who owned this house came running with a misshapen grin, several baby teeth missing.

    Dressed in relatively fine garb compared to my raggedy work clothes, he stopped before me and pulled me away.

    “Now that you’re done, we can go mess with the neighbors.” He said, excitedly waving an arm to indicate a vague direction.

    I sighed.

    “Alfred, you know I can’t help you with the merchant’s sons-” I tried to say, before he cut me off with a laugh.

    “Don't worry, these are those ship captain’s kids, they’ll be gone by tomorrow.” He said, cackling maliciously.

    I rolled my eyes. Alfred was what you might call a prankster, or maybe just a bully.

    Whatever he was, I somehow managed to get roped into his schemes when I displayed some vague intelligence, often being the person who built whatever fanciful props he needed for his pranks, for example.

    Soon we were out in the alleyways behind the well to do houses, which was basically a fairly pleasant grass filled path with the occasional clothesline and washing stuff that the merchant’s children frequented when the women weren't doing the washing.

    “So, whats the goal for today?” I asked, finding the box Alfred had behind his house filled with his prank paraphernalia.

    He hummed to himself, scratching his head and ruffling his light brown hair.

    “Maybe use those water balloons of yours. Don’t worry, I’ll cover the costs of the balloons.”

    I nodded.

    I built the tools (well, more came up with interesting ideas than anything), he provided the funds for me to do so, and I of course got to pocket the change.

    It was a profitable relationship, and somewhat enjoyable. Nevermind that he'd most likely be a merchant in the future, and as such was a good contact to have in general.

    Stopping by the supply store, we quickly got what we needed, and I began filling the balloons with water.

    I had introduced the, apparently novel, concept of filling balloons with water to Alfred. He instantly fell in love with them.

    “So these kids piss you off or…?" I asked, looking with my eyes and not moving my head as I tied off a balloon.

    Alfred shrugged.

    “I hardly ever get to have you join in, I just thought we could have some fun here.”

    I hummed in response, finishing my task and setting a dozen primitive water balloons into a flimsy wooden box.

    Honestly I’d rather not join in on his tomfoolery, but whatever, needs must what they must.

    “All right, show the way.”

    o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

    Walking through town, I tried to avoid the adults and not trip on the cobblestone roads.

    As might be guessed by me and Alfred’s names, we lived in a society which was rather north European.
    German, specifically. We even conversed in the same language, but I knew just just enough about the world that the concept of a Germany didn't seem to exist.


    And that’s not just because we lived before it’s creation.

    No, while the language was referred to as German and the culture group Germans (as far as I can tell anyway, given I was 4 years old and not educated) instead we lived on various islands spread across a section of what was named “Das Norden Blau”

    Honestly, it was kind of fascinating. But unless I could somehow score an education (a rare opportunity it was to even be able to test into becoming a scholar’s apprentice) I wasn't going to get to hear much more than scuttlebutt to learn about the regions geography and history.

    People also got oddly figgity when I became too curious about the past. Not so much that they wouldn’t answer my questions, but enough that they spoke relatively quietly about it.

    It was all rather bemusing.

    “Hurry up Jonas!” Alfred shouted, suddenly taking off.

    Following, I noted him prepare one of our water balloons before slinging it into the face of a girl slightly older than us.

    She screamed shrilly in shock as the water likely chilled her to the bone. It was cold in das Norden Blau.

    Alfred just laughed, and I sighed before lifting my own balloons from the box.

    “You’re lucky you’re rich Alfred” I muttered under my breath, before beginning to pelt the girl and what seemed to be her brother’s and sisters with our homemade water balloons.

    My own hits were both more accurate and longer ranged. I was far more active than Alfred, but really it was just my 20 something extra years of knowing how to aim that got me my hits.

    Soon enough the family was drenched, and-

    “What are you hooligans doing!” Roared a harsh female voice, and I flinched, glancing up to a window on the second floor of the townhouse we were stood by.

    “Shit.” I muttered, grabbing Alfred's arms to drag his boisterously laughing ass away from the danger.

    All he’d get was maybe a few swats with a broom, he was from the same merchant class.

    Me? I was just some gutter rat, I’d likely get a beating at the very least.

    Running through the alleyways, Alfred laughing the entire way, I sighed as I listened to him describe in detail the looks on the kid’s faces as if I wasn't right there with him.

    I soon found a decent hiding place in the docks.

    As we settled in to rest from the getaway, I looked out into the sea just as a spray of salt water splashed against the shore. The spray fading to reveal an odd ship coming into… port…

    Wait…

    “Alfred?” I asked hesitantly, scarcely believing my eyes.

    “Hmm?” He asked, pulling out a slightly bruised apple from his coat pocket as I pointed to the new ship.

    “Does that ship over there have a massive Marines logo printed on it’s sails?” I asked, scarcely believing my own words.

    Right in front of me, as 3 dimensional and real as anything, was a Marine ship from One Piece.

    White uniformed sailors barked orders or ran about, performing the duties required to bring a ship into port, especially one so large.

    Every detail I saw slapped my face with a cognitive dissonance, and as I watched the sailors I suddenly remembered.

    “Yeah, why? The Marines’r probably recruiting or something.” He said, mouth full of apple as he pigged out.

    Das Norden Blau… I was an English speaker who happened to knew German in my past life, but here it had quickly became the language I thought in as English was moved into the back of my mind, I could still speak it fluently of course, but I stopped bothering to translate the local phrases and such into English long ago.

    And of course I’d watched the show in English, not German.

    Das Norden Blau… The North Blue.

    So many things began to click together, and I clenched my fists as I realized the sheer implications.

    Hell, I even remember the World Government being talked about now. Just a few casual throwaway lines, nothing that brought it to my attention other than a surprise at such a wide scale unification at the current technology level.

    I continued to just stare in disbelief at the ship until most of it’s sailors had settled down, some entering town for their leave, others getting back to the regular tasks of cleaning the decks or otherwise performing busywork.

    It was only when Alfred shook my shoulder that I was pulled out of my shock.

    “What’s wrong with you? I’m bored and want you to tell me some more stories!”

    I blinked, opening and closing my mouth for a minute, before nodding.

    At the end of the day, this changed nothing.

    Absolutely nothing… well... maybe I should start trying to train myself somehow.

    My future career path suddenly seemed like I’d need it.

    O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o


    A/N – Yep, new story.
    I only know a little German, with some Japanese and Ojibwe sprinkled in. For the sake of what I want to do with the story Jonas is me from a year into the future, where he’s finished learning how to speak German conversationally and knows a fair bit of Japanese and French (and Russian, but that won’t come up much), with now fluency in German.
    Yes I’ve set myself on the path of being a polyglot, and that’s probably the biggest spoiler for Jonas’ career path and the direction this story will take.

    One more thing… No Devilfruit...
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2020
  2. Masterjaxx

    Masterjaxx Masters, Jaxx Masters

    Joined:
    May 16, 2013
    Messages:
    1,541
    Likes Received:
    13,323
    I will reserve judgement for now, but this seems to have promise.
     
    miguel2554 and Tunak23 like this.
  3. Psyren1596

    Psyren1596 Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2019
    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    660
    No devilfruit ?? Hmm, haki all the way huh
     
    Grimrr and Tunak23 like this.
  4. Aeess

    Aeess I trust you know where the happy button is?

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2018
    Messages:
    632
    Likes Received:
    3,599
    The North Blue is just called North Blue in the German dub.
     
    Tunak23 likes this.
  5. abyss_kaiser

    abyss_kaiser Ruler of the Darkest Depths

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2018
    Messages:
    2,798
    Likes Received:
    86,692
    first of all, fuck dub, second of all, that means nothing in regard to what the locals would call it.
     
  6. ArtMagnus

    ArtMagnus Knight Imperion

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2019
    Messages:
    208
    Likes Received:
    2,464
    I know it’s just my Bias for the Archer class in Fate speaking, but why don’t you make him an Archer? I don’t think I have seen an Archer in One Piece, strangely enough though.
     
    KingGrey, Tunak23 and abyss_kaiser like this.
  7. Aeess

    Aeess I trust you know where the happy button is?

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2018
    Messages:
    632
    Likes Received:
    3,599
    I was more referring to the SI mentioning not having watched One Piece in German.
     
    Tunak23 likes this.
  8. Fitoor

    Fitoor Veteran

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2019
    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    5,961
    Technically, Ussop is an archer.
     
    Grimrr, KingGrey and Tunak23 like this.
  9. Tunak23

    Tunak23 From the West to the East

    Joined:
    May 10, 2019
    Messages:
    758
    Likes Received:
    683
    Character interactions have been surprisingly good both Jonas and Alfred conversation keep me interested without fail,focusing so much on the MC's background on the first chapter has been slightly unnecessary detailing his death with so much intent(I understand that you had to reveal it but would have been thankful for once that the cause of death the SI suffered would be remembered at a crucial moment of the story drinking a little from the drama that would occur at the time but this is only my desire for something different)but at least no more past stuff was revealed than several personality traits that are useful to the story.

    The German mention of the North Blue was a little strange to me,I doubt all the inhabitants of the NB spoke a language similar to German, perphaps the part that had the most contact with Germa 66(German references there were everywhere) but beyond that Lvnell,Spider Milles(Trafalgar's home island)etc... do not see sharing the same linguistic past or cultural background.

    Curious about who the mother was and which were her reasons to leave little Jonas behind!
    I hope this gets Oda like storytelling and Jonas' new family come back at some point with interesting and juicy story details.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2020
  10. abyss_kaiser

    abyss_kaiser Ruler of the Darkest Depths

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2018
    Messages:
    2,798
    Likes Received:
    86,692
    north blue = europe for this story
     
    KingGrey and Tunak23 like this.
  11. Dero

    Dero Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2019
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    20
    I liked this chapter and am excited for more.

    To give my 2 cents to the german version of the North Blue, „Der Norden Blau“ reads like „the north, blue“ in my opinion. A simple change would be „Das Norden Blau“ or „Das Nordblau“. The first version makes the article change focus from „Norden“ to „Blau“, making it a better read. In my opinion this change makes „Norden“ sound like the „baltic“ in „Baltic Sea“, so it becomes more of name and loses it‘s character.

    The second version shares a lot with „Nordsee“, the name of the North Sea in Germany. I think it makes a good name, that could be used in conversation.

    „Woher kommst du?“ fragte er mich. „Aus Westerland auf Sylt.“
    “Where are you from?“ he asked me. „From Westerland on Sylt.“

    “Sylt? Wo war das doch gleich?“
    “Sylt? I don‘t know where that is.“

    “Mitten im Nordblau. Ohne guten Navigator kannst du es vergessen, da jemals anzukommen“.
    “It‘s in the North Blue. Without a good navigator you wont be able to get there“

    Or you keep it the way it currently is. I‘ll read the next Chapter either way.
     
  12. Jeffster64

    Jeffster64 Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2019
    Messages:
    1,373
    Likes Received:
    17,527
    I’ve always actually liked that the ocean names are so simplistic. Don’t know why, I think it ads to the whole World Government somehow edited history theory. Kinda like there is only one language in spite of the travel barriers. I know the language is just to skip the language barrier part of real world adventuring but it fits the WG historical editing.
     
    Grimmouse197 and abyss_kaiser like this.
  13. Gamakichi

    Gamakichi Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2020
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    • Rule 7 - please do not perform forum necromancy.
    I wonder which side he will join marines or pirates and maybe revolutionary army. Also why is it that the is no si getting in the marines and taking the absolute justice route