1. For prospective new members, a word of warning: don't use common names like Dennis, Simon, or Kenny if you decide to create an account. Spammers have used them all before you and gotten those names flagged in the anti-spam databases. Your account registration will be rejected because of it.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Since it has happened MULTIPLE times now, I want to be very clear about this. You do not get to abandon an account and create a new one. You do not get to pass an account to someone else and create a new one. If you do so anyway, you will be banned for creating sockpuppets.
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If you wish to change your username, please ask via conversation to tehelgee instead of asking via my profile. I'd like to not clutter it up with such requests.
    Dismiss Notice
  4. Due to the actions of particularly persistent spammers and trolls, we will be banning disposable email addresses from today onward.
    Dismiss Notice
  5. An option to display times with the 24 hour standard is now available. To change it, go to Preferences > Locale > Language and choose the 'English - 24 Hour Clock' option. If you prefer the 12 hour clock, you don't need to do anything, it's the default.
    Dismiss Notice

Munchkin Ninja [Naruto, SI]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Bool1989, Mar 20, 2019.

Loading...
  1. Threadmarks: An Early Start 1.1
    Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    So, since I plan to get pretty dark with this fic, I can't really post it over on SV. That's why i'm posting it here.
    OO

    Long shadows formed as the light of the morning sun shown through the blinders, a sun beam hitting me right in the eyes, waking me up. I scrunched up my face, eyes watering from the light, before I sat up, giving my eyes a good rub to remove the crud from them. The sight of the dimly lit white walls of my bedroom greeted my eyes as I opened them and glanced around, before landing on the calendar, most of the dates marked with an X but today was a round circle.

    That’s right. Today was the day, the day I would start training at the Ninja Academy, in Konohagakure.

    A moment later my alarm rang. It was 6:30, but the academy started at 8:30. I quickly turned off the alarm, before getting up.

    10 days ago I lived in an orphanage, where I had been forced to share a room with 5 five other orphans. Now I lived in a boarding house, meant to house orphans that were attending the Ninja Academy. Here I had my own room, that had it’s own attached bathroom. Given that the boarding house had a dedicated boiler, that meant I didn’t have to compete for hot water any more.

    I was six years old, having woken up in this world three years ago. Given that you can see the Hokage Monument from anywhere in Konohagakure, it didn’t take me long to figure out where I had ended up.

    I was a scrawny little thing, with grayish white hair and hazel eyes. Or at least, that was how I was when I woke up. Now I was a muscular six year old, due to my intense exercise regimen and high protein diet.

    Speaking of which, it was time to eat breakfast and get started on my daily exercise routine.

    I got out of bed and quickly put on my exercise clothes (a white wife-beater and gray cotton shorts). Stepping out of my room and locking the door behind me, I walked down to the cafeteria, where the cooks were already busy cooking breakfast for the boarding house inhabitants.

    The boarding house I had moved into when I signed up to ninja school was designed to hold at least 100 students. Now, normally there weren’t that many orphans who where willing to join ninja school, so at the most it held around 60, most of whom were boys. If it had been at full capacity I would have been forced to double up with someone, but thankfully it wasn’t.

    This large capacity meant that the cafeteria was pretty big, with the kitchen one end, where cooks would serve food on a tray, like at a normal school.

    It seemed today’s breakfast was dumplings. I got two meat dumplings and one veggy dumpling, before sitting down at a table to eat. As I ate, I glanced around the room. I wasn’t the only early riser, there were a few others. A girl that sat at a table to my right, whom I recognized was from my old orphanage, and two boys that sat at a table behind me. I didn’t know them.

    One of the boys stood up, walking around the table to stand near me. He was already dressed for the day at the academy, probably with no exercise routine planned.

    “Hey, you’re from one of the other orphanages, right?” he asked. His voice had an annoying nasal quality.

    “That’s right,” I said shortly.

    “What’s your name?” the boy asked.

    “Kazuto,” I replied shortly. I didn’t ask his, and kept my attention on my food.

    “I’m Toyokuni,” Toyokuni said. “Me and Shinzo were gonna go play in the play ground before class starts, you want to come?”

    He indicated the other boy who was still sitting at the table.

    “Sorry, I'm going to be busy until then,” I replied, scarfing down the last of my meal, before getting up. I noticed that the boy was slightly taller than me. “Maybe another time.”

    “What are you doing?” Toyokuni asked with a frown.

    “Exercising,” I replied, turning away. I was out of hearing range before he could reply.

    The boarding house had it’s own training area, a small playground, and on the other side was a small forest.

    To warm up I did some jumping-jacks, before running twenty laps around the training ground. When I was finished with that, I did a handstand and walked two laps on my hands, after which I did my normal stretches to gain flexibility. Then I did the normal exercise routine, which included handstand push ups, pull ups, sit ups, more jumping jacks, handstand spin with my legs perpendicular to the ground, back flips and fore flips, and a few cartwheels.

    While I was doing this, Toyokuni and his friend came out and went to the playground. They didn’t do very much playing, instead watching me.

    When I was finished with my normal exercise routine, I went into the nearby forest. Having already unlocked my chakra early on, I had mastered the leaf sticking technique, and was now working on tree walking.

    Tree walking was a much more challenging exercise than most would think. In the anime they make it look so easy, but it wasn’t. Tree walking trained muscles that I didn’t know I had. When tree walking, if you wanted to remain perpendicular to the ground, you had to use your abs and leg muscles to hold yourself aloft. That was when you were facing up. Facing down was a lot more difficult, you had to use your back muscles.

    And it was worse when you had to move, that meant shifting all of your weight onto one leg, which may or may not be up to the challenge of holding you up. This assumed you were walking up or down the tree. Running was a lot easier since you had your forward momentum to hold you up.

    Tree walking was more of a workout than regular exercise.

    By the time I was finished, it was 7:40. I walked out of the small forest and passed the training ground. By now most of the inhabitants of the boarding house had woken up and were getting ready for school. Since the academy was only a few blocks away there we didn’t need that much time to get ready.

    After taking a short shower and dressing up properly (in a green shirt and some blue jeans), I went back down to the cafeteria and packed some dumplings for lunch, before exiting the boarding house.

    With ease, I jumped up to the roof of a house on the other side of the street. I had practiced chakra enhanced jumping as well, so taking the shinobi road was the best route.

    It didn’t take long for me to get to the Ninja Academy, and I was early. People were only just starting to arrive, but a small crowd was already starting to form. Spotting a lamp post nearby, I jumped from the roof top I had been crouching on, landing on the lamp quite easily.

    I kneeled, leaning over the lamp post to get a better view. The Hokage was there, as were what seemed like a few shinobi parents. I noticed a dark haired boy with the Uchiha fan on his back, standing close to a man wearing the standard flak jacket. That had to be Sasuke.

    Strangely, as if he had known I was looking at him, Sasuke turned to look at me. His eyes widened slightly, but he otherwise didn’t move.

    I grinned at him, before I grabbed the pole connecting the lamp to the post. Then I swung down, under the lamp, before placing my other hand and left foot on the post, connecting to it with chakra. Using chakra, I slid down the post (It was metal), coming to a rest on the ground.

    Sasuke kept his eyes on me while I did this, and when I landed, I walked up to him casually.

    “Hello,” I said, “First day at the Academy?”

    Sasuke nodded minutely.

    “Me too,” I replied. “My name is Kazuto, what’s-”

    “Come along, Sasuke,” said Fugaku, giving me a stern look.

    He walked farther into the crowd, and Sasuke walked behind him. Rude.

    OO

    I only barely payed attention to the Hokage as he droned on about hard work and academic excellence. The new students had been lined up into a square of rows and columns, which the Hokage stood in front of, while the parents also had their own little square off to the side.

    Coincidentally, I had ended up with Sasuke on my right side. I didn’t say anything, though. It wouldn’t have been appropriate while the Hokage was giving his speech.

    “-know you will do the Leaf Village proud.” said the Hokage, concluding his speech.

    One of the teachers walked forward.

    “When I call your name, come forward and get your classroom number,” the teacher said. He then proceeded to call out names. When my name was called out, I got room number 143. I didn’t bother staying behind, instead walking into the academy and finding my room number.

    As always, I was the first one there. I took the seat that was in the back, closest to the window. Slowly, the room filled up, and the last student to come in was Sasuke, who was followed by the teacher, a rather chubby guy with a blue bandanna headband on his head.

    “Sasuke,” I said, waving at him, and indicating the seat next to me. Sasuke blushed with a slight smile, and he took the seat.

    “Sorry about father,” he whispered.

    “It’s OK,” I waved it off. “So you’re an Uchiha?”

    Sasuke nodded. “Are you from a clan?”

    I shook my head. “No, I’m just an orphan. Just moved out of the orphanage ten days ago.”

    “Where do you live?” he asked.

    “A boarding house for students who don’t have a home,” I replied.

    “Oh”

    Oh, indeed. After that we fell into silence.

    OO

    After the bell rang, our teacher called roll, and then spent half an hour informing us of what we would be covering that first quarter. Ninja school didn’t have winter or summer break, instead school was arranged into quarters, with a two week break in-between.

    After that, we spent the next hour running laps around the schools track. Given that I already spent a lot of time running laps before I signed up for ninja school, I finished first.

    Then we had the taijutsu evaluation, where we had to spar with the teacher one on one so he could get an idea of how much we already knew. Given that I didn’t know any taijutsu, I didn’t do very well on that one. At best all I could do was flail at him wildly.

    After that was lunch break, then the academic part of school, where we learned history and math and that sort of stuff. By the middle of it I was really bored and was waiting for it to end.

    By now I had learned that, of the rookie nine, only three were in my class: Shikamaru, Choji, and Sasuke. It probably meant that as more people dropped out, classes would be merged.

    Finally the day came to a close around five o’clock. After the teacher dismissed us, I stayed behind, waiting for every one to leave. After they were gone, I stood up and walked up to the teachers desk.

    “Oh, do you need something,” the teacher asked. “err...”

    “Kazuto, my name is Kazuto,” I replied.

    “Kazuto,” the teacher nodded.

    “Yes, I was wondering if the Academy had a library?” I asked.

    “Oh yes, of course,” The teacher nodded again.

    “How can I find it?” I asked.

    “Second floor, North wing. it’s pretty big, so you can’t miss it.”

    “Thanks,” I replied.

    OO

    Like the teacher said, the library was pretty big, so it was hard to miss. When I arrived, there was a chunin manning the front desk. The chunin seemed to be reading a book, but he put it away when I walked up.

    “Hello,” I said as I walked up to the desk, pulling out my academy card. “I would like to check out some books, is that ok?”

    “Uh, yes,” said the chunin. “So long as you’re an academy student or at least a genin, you can check out books.”

    “How many at a time? And for how long?” I asked.

    “Ten, and three weeks,” said the chunin. “I need to check your card before you enter.”

    I handed it to him.

    “This seems to be in order,” the chunin said after a moment, handing it back to me. “Find whatever books you want and bring it up here to check them out. Also, the second floor of the library is restricted to genin. I advise that you don’t try even get into the place, understand?”

    “Ok,” I said, giving a casual salute.

    OO

    It was annoying that the whole second floor of the library was restricted, but I didn’t mind, for I found what I was looking for anyway. Apparently, foundational information (such as hand signs, the basic three, chakra control techniques, E-rank techniques and information on basic survival) weren’t restricted. Also, information on the very basics of Nature Transformation and Shape manipulation could be found here, which was neat.

    However, information on any specific that weren’t E-rank or one of the Basic Three was restricted, so even if you trained Nature Transformation, you had to wait until you were a Genin before you could learn technique related your Nature element.

    I didn’t mind that much, though. I figured that if I could learn the basics, I could probably figure out how to make my own techniques. But that was a long way into the future. I had other stuff I had to learn first.

    When I arrived back at the front desk, I was carrying the allotted ten books with me: A Guide to Chakra Control by Tsunade Senju, The Basic Three by Tobirama Senju, Ten Common E-Rank Techniques also by Tobirama Senju, A Ninja’s Guide to Wilderness Survival by Hideo Sarutobi, Poisons and Their Antidotes also by Tsunade Senju, Genjutsu and Reality by Shinku Yuhi, and a few other books that I had gotten just for fun.

    The chunin at the front desk gave me an odd look when he saw the haul I brought to him.

    “Getting an early start, are you?” he asked as he scanned the books.

    “I like to be prepared,” I said shortly.
     
  2. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    This place is pretty slow, huh.
     
  3. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc Time, once consumed, has no meaning

    Joined:
    May 4, 2014
    Messages:
    3,454
    Likes Received:
    22,027
    Admittedly, it's hard for stories in the sfw section to gain traction, unless you already have a following.

    All I can say is keep posting, because people are reading, even if it is not in the same number you might be used to.

    As far as the story goes, there's generally not much to say for first chapters. I greatly appreciate that you started in media res rather than with a "oh no ROB" or "what is this, I'm a baby in NARUTO?!!!" chapter. I swear, those are a complete waste of words.

    I also like how you aren't getting bogged down in talking about future knowledge, or being an SI or all that. Your charachter interactions are short but meaningful, and you seem to be doing a good job of showing, not telling.

    Still, not much plot has occurred, you are just laying groundwork for the story at this point, so I dont know what to expect, nor is there much to discuss yet. You haven't gotten to a point where your story stands out in your single chapter (which is just a consequence of good pacing).
     
  4. Prince Charon

    Prince Charon Just zis guy, you know?

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2014
    Messages:
    4,828
    Likes Received:
    14,026
    There are fewer people here than there are at SV.com. Also, see HypoSoc's longer comment. On the bright side, what I've seen so far isn't bad, just not something I'd've commented on without prompting.
     
  5. preier

    preier Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    728
    Good foundation but not much meat to comment on... I like your sentence structure and I'm wary of what you mean by 'dark' but willing to find out, despite the usual dross associated with the term.
     
  6. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat The Dawn Will Cum

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2016
    Messages:
    1,119
    Likes Received:
    4,154
    What he^ said. All of it.
     
    Bool1989 likes this.
  7. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    Well, not completely in media res, that would probably be after the academy. Plus I find those baby fics really annoying too.

    Unfortunatly, the SI will have to talk about future knowledge at some point, but I will try to keep it minimal.

    Wait, the first chapter had good pacing? TIL.

    Right, I get it. This place is smaller so there arn't as many people to reply.

    By 'dark' i mean things like blood and gore. I may make the occasional oblique reference to sex, but it won't be front and center.
    And yes, I know that SV may allow these things, but I don't want to have to waste time getting it approved or having to edit my original version.

    In regards to grammar, I'm trying to force myself to read over each chapter after I write them at least a few times before pushing them out there. I've had problems with that before.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2019
  8. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2016
    Messages:
    430
    Likes Received:
    1,829
    Kelsey or Billy?
     
  9. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    What?
     
  10. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2016
    Messages:
    430
    Likes Received:
    1,829
    Grammer.
     
  11. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    Pedantic.
     
    Prince Charon and Sceptic like this.
  12. awkane

    awkane Making the rounds.

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2018
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    39
    I liked the pacing though as was said before I am a bit wary of the "dark" tag for your story, is this going to be like Ser Lúcifer Morningstar stories? That guy can write awesome fics but his SI are completely assholes.
     
    dxdragon likes this.
  13. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    No. At least, I don't think so.
     
  14. Edifier

    Edifier To rectify, be my cause. To blithe, be my purpose!

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2017
    Messages:
    1,761
    Likes Received:
    2,351
    I love munchkins, so endearing and cute.
    Tho the comment on it being dark worries me a bit, it's just a drop in a bucket.
    I love reading how Kazuto has got a leg up on the other ninja already. That entrance was really cool!
     
  15. shipenterce

    shipenterce Getting sticky.

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2015
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    343
    I like it so far, though I generally don't like stories that could be described as dark. I can see the main character has no fear of root for some reason.
     
  16. awkane

    awkane Making the rounds.

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2018
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    39
    I think that one of the reasons that the mc approached Sasuke was so that he didn't remain relatively anonymous in case Danzo decides to recruit(kidnap) the "prodigy" without repercussions, if I were the mc I would befriend Naruto and get the Hokage's protection as fast as possible.
     
  17. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    Root is a problem isn't it? It's the boogy man that all ninja children fear in the night.

    I'll figure it out.
     
  18. Threadmarks: An Early Start 1.2
    Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    After I had gotten all the books that I wanted, it was time to return home. I decided to take the long way home so that I could have time to think. I left though the back door of the Academy, and walked towards the back road, which was behind the south wing.

    I heard Sasuke before I saw him, and just as I turned around the corner of the south wing, I saw him there. He was busy throwing shuriken at the back fence. On the fence were three black circles. Most of the shuriken Sasuke had thrown were sticking out of the fence inside the circles.

    Ah, so Sasuke already knew Shurikenjutsu, huh?

    “Hey, Sasuke,” I called out. Sasuke flinched, turning around to look at me. I must had startled him.

    “Oh, hi, er…”

    “Kazuto,” I said.

    “Kazuto,” he replied awkwardly, blushing. “I thought you’d already left.”

    “No, I was at the library,” I replied easily. “They’ve got some pretty decent books, you should check it out.”

    “Maybe later,” Sasuke said with a shrug, looking back at the fence.

    “Nice Shurikenjutsu,” I said as I walked up to him, looking at the fence. “You got four out of six inside the circle!”

    “Not good enough,” he muttered. “Itachi could have gotten them all in the circle, in a straight row too.”

    “Who’s Itachi?” I asked, pretending to be curious.

    “Oh, he’s my big brother,” Sasuke smiled, then his smile turned to a frown. “He’s a chunin, even though he’s only thirteen.”

    “Oh,” I replied. “You’re gonna get gray hairs early if you try to compare yourself with a chunin. I suspect your shurikenjutsu is even better than most genin!”

    Sasuke looked down at the ground, an annoyed look on his face. “It’s not just that, every one in my clan and at school is always comparing me to Itachi. They all want me to grow up to be just like him. It’s not fair.”

    “Well, not everyone,” I replied. “I think you’re just fine the way you are.”

    Sasuke glance up at me, his face turning into an ugly scowl. “What do you know?! You’re just a clan-less nobody! Nobody knows you and nobody wants you!”

    I gave him an even look.

    “It was nice knowing you Sasuke,” I said, walking pass him.

    I was ten feet away before I heard him call out. “Wait! Wait, I’m sorry.”

    I turned around to see Sasuke running up to me.

    “I shouldn’t have said that,” Sasuke continued, looking sheepish. “I just… get so angry sometimes.”

    “I accept your apology,” I said coolly, before giving a slight smile. “I sometimes let my emotions get away from me as well. Just remember that not everyone is as accepting as me.”

    “I’ll remember,” Sasuke nodded.

    “Well, regarding your clan and people at school, just inform them that you don’t appreciate being compared to Itachi,” I replied. “I’m sure that will make things better.”

    “But… what if father gets angry at me?” he asked, looking down at the ground. “I can’t just say something like that.”

    “Sasuke...” I said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “If you say nothing, then nothing will change.”

    He looked up at me.

    “Your Father may be angry at you at first,” I continued with a smile. “but he will come around. Just tell him that you want to be judged on your own merits, not Itachi’s. And be polite about it, it will smooth things over with him.”

    “You really think so?” asked Sasuke, hope in his eyes.

    “Well I don’t have a family myself so I might be talking about of my a- er, butt,” I corrected quickly. “But speaking as a person on the outside looking in, it’s easier to look at things objectively when the situation doesn’t affect you.”

    “Ok, I’ll try,” replied Sasuke, pushing a lock of hair out of his face. “Thanks, er… ”

    “Kazuto,” I said easily.

    “Kazuto,” Sasuke finished. He turned to leave. “Bye.”

    “Good bye,” I said, shaking my head. Children were so impressionable. And forgetful.

    OO

    Ten minutes later, I arrived back at my boarding house. There were a few students hanging out in front, mostly older students who were smoking (They weren’t allowed to smoke inside). One of the older students that I recognized as one of the Dean’s deputies waved at me. A dark green sash indicated his deputy-ship.

    “Hey Kazuto,” he said as he checked my name off on a clipboard. “Curfew is at nine, don’t forget.”

    “I won’t,” I replied easily. It was almost six, I had plenty of time.

    Time to get to my room and unwind for the rest of the day.

    OO

    I had just arrived at my door and was about to unlock it when I noticed that my security methods had been tripped. I felt a chill run down my neck, before relaxing.

    Usually, to know whether someone had gotten into my room, I took a few tips from Light Yagami, the main character from Death Note:

    First security method: the handle. I usually made it slightly ajar when I left, so that anyone who used it wouldn’t know to put it back the way I had it.

    Second security method: a bit of paper stuck in the lower door jam. It would fall to the floor if the door was opened. However, this marked the ingeniousness that was the third security method.

    Third security method: a bar of graphite placed inside the hinge. If a child opened the door, they probably wouldn’t know to put the paper back where it was, or place the handle back where it was. But if a mindful adult, or a mindful ninja, were to try and sneak into my room, they probably would put the handle and paper back the way it was. However, they would most likely miss the graphite bar, thinking the sound it made when it broke was a creaky hinge or something.

    Thankfully, it seemed that who ever had opened my door hadn’t put the handle or paper back, so it was probably a child or mindless adult. Also, the door was unlocked. Annoying.

    I opened the door to see a orange blur tackle me to the ground.

    “Oof!” I said as I hit the floor.

    “You’re finally here!” said Naruto with a cheer. “Where were you? I've been waiting forever!”

    “Naruto!” I hissed, pushing him off and and sitting up. “I was busy. I told you I would be late.”

    “Yeah, yeah,” Naruto waved away impudently. “You and your books, I know. But you promised to take me out for ramen today to celebrate us getting into the Academy. It’s too bad we aren't in the same class, though. I’ve been waiting to see you all day. Where were you this morning? I almost missed the entrance ceremony.”

    “It’s not my fault you woke up at the last minute,” I replied gruffly, walking into my room. “How did you even get into my room, anyway? I’m pretty sure I locked it.”

    “It was already open when I got here,” said Naruto casually as he followed me.

    I stopped, a chill running down my back. It had already been open?

    Instantly I scanned my room, checking to see if anything had been disturbed. I usually set three items in a specific way, items that may interest children, but that an adult wouldn’t touch: a stuffed animal on my desk, a puzzle toy on my dresser, and a kunai on my nightstand.

    Which meant an adult had been in my room, an adult who hadn’t bothered to close the door when they left.

    I eyed Naruto.

    Or, and adult who had been here when Naruto had arrived and had been forced to hide. An adult who might still be here.

    Worst case scenario, an ANBU Root ninja.
     
  19. prussian-granadier

    prussian-granadier Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2018
    Messages:
    152
    Likes Received:
    437
    Honestly that is probably a test ,If you are that Far thinkig to see a ninja geting into your Room you are consider a podgy
     
  20. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    It's not a test.

    That's all I will say.
     
  21. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat The Dawn Will Cum

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2016
    Messages:
    1,119
    Likes Received:
    4,154
    But it could be, someone shadowy would be looking at every academy student intake, especially the orphans. So, is he going to start running around the village every morning in the hopes of getting a free sensei, and some gravity seals?
     
  22. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    I know how i'm writing my story.

    That would be typical, wouldn't it?

    Probably not.
     
    Sceptic likes this.
  23. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat The Dawn Will Cum

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2016
    Messages:
    1,119
    Likes Received:
    4,154
    You know how you're writing it, but there's no need to kill all suspense by telling us something dark that we're suspecting, isnt happening. And no need to not allow reader fears to guide you in laying down false trails with just a phrase or a sentence littered in the chapters.
     
  24. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    Ok, that's good advice. I will keep that in mind in the future.
     
  25. Threadmarks: An Early Start 1.3
    Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    I didn’t freeze, even though I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. An adult had been in my room, had probably gone through my things, and was possibly still here, but hidden.

    “Huh, so some kid had the temerity to break into my room without my permission, hmm?” I said, glancing back at Naruto. “I wonder who they were.”

    Naruto had enough grace to look sheepish, and look down at his feet. I took the moment to channel chakra to my nose. Doing so would significantly increase my sense of smell, and I would be able to detect any smell that shouldn’t be there.

    Unfortunately I was disappointed; there was nothing there but the musty smell of the boarding house, and the foxy smell of Naruto.

    “I’m sorry, Kazuto,” said Naruto quietly. “I won’t break into your room in the future.”

    “I accept your apology, Naruto,” I said coolly, as I turned to walk to my closet.

    “You mean it?” said Naruto with a hopeful voice, but I wasn’t paying much attention to him.

    During those brief steps to the closet, I channeled chakra to my ears, enhancing my hearing. I started to many things: My heartbeat, Naruto’s heartbeat, the small vibration of walls as sound hit them, the voices of other children in the boarding house.

    But I didn’t hear what I was looking for: the sound of a third heartbeat in close proximity, or the sound of a third person breathing.

    “Yes, I mean it, Naruto,” I said in a bit of an irritated voice as I opened my closet door. “Just don’t do it again and we are square.”

    “Yes!” Naruto gave a little jump, before looking at me with a grin. “Alright, can we go now? I can already smell the miso ramen!”

    “I need to change,” I said squarely. “Wait for me outside the door.”

    “Why?” he asked, looking at me quizzically. Good question, there had basically been no privacy at the orphanage, and I had been forced to change clothes in front of other boys that shared my room. Being adult in mind, I hadn’t exactly welcomed the experience.

    “I value my privacy,” I said sharply. “Now get out!”

    “Ok, ok! I’m going!” said Naruto hastily, walking out of the still open door and closing it behind him.

    Finally, I was alone. Or at least, hopefully alone. After putting my rucksack in the closet, I walked to the door and locked it, so that Naruto couldn’t peek. After that, I shucked off all my clothes and laid on my bed, relaxing for a few moments. The blinds were down on the window, so I didn’t have to worry about someone peeking in that way.

    After a few moments of relaxing, I channeled some chakra to the skin over my abs, a fairly sensitive area to variations of hot and cold. If there was a ninja here, they may have ways to make them invisible and soundless, but could they prevent themselves from making air currents and giving off heat? I didn’t think so.

    After a few moments of focusing of sensations of my abs, I felt it: a slow air current, originating from the ceiling, that was warm. It was august, and still quite hot outside. Since the building was air-conditioned, any current coming from the ceiling should be cold, not warm. And I would have known if the air-conditioning was broken.

    There was a ninja in the room, an expert at concealing himself using traditional means.

    I sighed, just my luck that someone from the village, either Danzo or the Hokage, had taken an interest in me. Now I had to find out which one, which meant doing something I hated.

    When I had first woken up in this reality, I thought I had been kidnapped and injected with acid, literally. The whole place had seemed like one giant acid trip, because of my hypersensitivity to chakra. I didn’t know why I was hypersensitive to chakra, but regardless the world swirled with ever shifting colors that seemed to flow like a river and yet crackle like a storm. Bypassing ninja were like mini-suns, come to blind me with their brilliance, the river-storm that was chakra rippling in their wake.

    For the first year after I had woken, I could bearly focus on what was real, the acid-trip that was chakra distracting me from other people. The caretakers at the orphanage had thought I was one of those ‘special’ children, since I kept staring off into the distance, my eyes blinded by a pair of ninjas who kept sitting around in a building nearby.

    It took me a long time, but after months of effort, I slowly, desperately, began to shut the acid-trip out. It wasn’t easy, the only way I could do it was by constantly focusing on what was real, focusing on what I could see with my own eyes, hear with my own ears, touch with my own hands.

    Every time I felt myself slipping back into the acid-trip I would poke myself with a needle until I bled, focusing on the pain it caused, until the day came when I was finally, completely, focused on reality, pushing the acid-trip into the very depths of my subconscious.

    And now if I wanted to see this ninja, I had to go back. Back to the acid-trip.

    Slowly, ever so slowly, I eased my grip on reality. It had been almost two years since I had last seen the acid-trip, the river-storm that was chakra, and now I could see it again, in it’s full glory.

    My room fell away, leaving only the brilliant sun that was the ninja. I closed my eyes to make sure the ninja wouldn’t see me looking at him.

    Although quite brilliant, the ninja was cold. One of the things I had learned during that first year was that cold meant emotionless. The ninja was also a very bland, darkish color. Emotions tended to be very warm, colorful, and fuzzy. This ninja was like cold, hard stone.

    So, definitely one of Danzo’s men.

    I pinched myself on the hip, focusing on the pain so that I could come back to reality. It was a bit of a slow process, so by the time I was back to myself, Naruto was banging at the door, yelling at me to hurry up.

    “Ok, ok!” I yelled back. “Coming.”

    I went to my dresser, pulling out a shirt and some pants, before putting them on.

    As I opened the door, I could swear that I felt the ninja drop to the ground, jumping out the door over my head before I could close it.

    The ninja was going to follow me, I realized.

    Well, if it really was one of Danzo’s men, then I would just have to make sure he realized that he couldn’t touch me, not unless he wanted to draw the attention of the Hokage.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2019
  26. Germtheory3Z

    Germtheory3Z Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    1,275
    Likes Received:
    3,446
    Goddam it Danzo, really? Sneaking into little boys bedrooms? That's creepy as fuck. I thought Orochimaru was meant to be the memetic pedophile.
     
  27. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    It's not actually Danzo himself, just one of his men. And the ninja was caught in place by the appearance of Naruto. They didn't intend to hang around.
     
  28. Germtheory3Z

    Germtheory3Z Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    1,275
    Likes Received:
    3,446
    Oh yeah, I figured it was an agent, but unless they've fingered Kazuto as a sensor already this kind of implies he has people rummage through the bedrooms of all the academy kids every year. (Presumably spying on them to see who he wants to induct into ROOT.) It just has the air of a child molester hanging around a foster home to me.
     
  29. Bool1989

    Bool1989 The Cat that was Promised

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2015
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    716
    Just the orphans at the boarding house.

    I don't think they could pull that kind of thing off with clan kids, and kids who have families would draw attention if they were kidnapped.
     
  30. Akuma-Heika

    Akuma-Heika The Devil Exists Within

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2016
    Messages:
    5,051
    Likes Received:
    6,596
    They were partners...
    The fact that said man is following us hints otherwise :p And if we consider the Root to be an organic drone, then yes, it would be Danzo legally technically speaking.
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2019
Loading...