On a Pale Horse (Umamusume/Youjo Senki)

[ChronOblivion]

"I can make your life very unpleasant, you midget mongrel–"

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Hoooly shit, now that's a quote that needs to be included in the complaint. A racial insult, and a strongly implied threat to use her professional influence to sabotage her future career as a punishment for disrespect.

"I guess you would have to, since all your achievements were riding on their backs."

"Whereas your greatest achievement was accomplished on your knees."

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Ooooooooh, assuming that is what it appears to be, what is a deeply brutal insult. Really hope it's actually true.

"You dare–?!" she stepped forwards, raising a hand for a moment, before blood seemed to drain from her face as she jerked back, staring at Shirogane like she had seen a ghost.

Grass couldn't see her friend's face from where she was sitting, but she could see her classmate's hand clench into a fist behind her back. Even so, Shirogane had not otherwise moved an inch.

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Killing Intent Activated.

Shirogane paused for a second, before turning to look at her square on. "Have you ever considered how odd it is, to have the losers of a race sing and dance to some peppy song about achieving your dreams as the backup dancers for the winner, usually after having their own dreams crushed, or at least set back?"

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Were tiara runners really so much weaker than those not focused on being an idol that they needed shorter runs to perform well? One would think that practicing performing so much would help build up stamina, or was the idea that they would be too tired to perform on stage properly if the races were longer?

Which was the actually important part here, the race or the marketing portion?!

Actually…now that this thought sprang to mind, the business side of the league likely was more concerned about the marketing aspect, hence the decision to allow idol focused umas their own track so they had an opportunity to shine in the race, which helped draw attention to their performance, thus helping to generate sales of merchandise and improving the financial performance of the industry.

Was her goal to run in both circuits somehow deleterious to their bottom line? She couldn't think of a way that it could be. Perhaps she wasn't as marketable since her win rate was admittedly quite paltry compared to many of her peers, but her merchandise sales were actually significant, at least in Fujisawa, which, while far from the largest city in the country, was still a large customer base.

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Appreciate the structural criticism of her league.

Would be crazy if her gate placements are deliberate.

 

[WrandmWaffles]

The America is strong in this one. Hope to see more.

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Grass is a weaboo but sometimes the Yankee leaks out.

Less than ten minutes later, Drift has concern, and Shiro has to pay the gym for a new punching bag.

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Hey she's got enough money to afford it now. But yeah throwing hands is not something many umas are naturally inclined towards but Shiro is very good at it.

I'm still not sure where the story can really go though, it's not like this is a Shonen where she can determinator her way to victory in short races?

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Let's just say that while Shiro and Hana have been focusing on her endurance and cornering, she has other talents she can try leveraging.

"- It's disorderly!" (Disgraceful)

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A disorderly charge is much less effective than one in formation. Fortunately they aren't actually trying to kill anyone on the race track.

It's Not a Mental Illness if We Win

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"If it's useful, it's a condition!"

I feel bad for Seiun, but she can probably qualify with a different race

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I'm going with that since Grass immediately got injured, they decided to give Sky the Satsuki Sho slot because Grass very clearly can't take it.

how gay Stego is towards the MC.

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The umas based off of famous stud horses kinda don't always register as female to me sometimes, especially Stay Gold and Fuji Kiseki. It's also a bit of a janky point for the story because how is the site relation supposed to work in this setting?

Like was Sunday Silence the sexiest Uma in Japan or something? Good luck Saito Kisuke, your uma sister's horse alternate demands you get laid.

Ok I didn't expect that from Shiro, kinda feels OOC actually.

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She had some experience dealing with mean girls in school this life. Also Polish mom.

One of my joys is seeing how the announcers continue to stumble on Shirogane's name in new and interesting ways.

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They've kinda got a standardized way to say it wrong for now, but it kinda made it worse.

A lot of umas and people with oshi's likely say "Onore Shirogane." Because she appears everywhere.

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Imagining game Shirogane is funny because im the alt timeline where horse Shiro got put into the altUmamusume game, before she was released (assuming she wasn't in the first wave), there'd just be this NPC Uma that shows up constantly. Players that didn't know the lore that much would be so confused.

 

[Darkwood]

Ok I didn't expect that from Shiro, kinda feels OOC actually. But then again she usually goes straight for the kill when fighting so maybe it is in character.

Or did Hana say this? The text implies it was Shiro but it's not clear.

Staring down a Polish Hussar who sees you as an enemy must be terrifying. Good luck to that lady.

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I believe that was a retort from Hana, as I read it the text implied she said it because the previous remark was aimned at Hana and only Hana would have prior knowledge of who the woman was.

 

[Critian Caceorte]

Like was Sunday Silence the sexiest Uma in Japan or something? Good luck Saito Kisuke, your uma sister's horse alternate demands you get laid.

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Well, either that or SunSil is Cafe's ghost Friend, that IS the most popular theory of the bunch.

 

[GarfRed]

Imagining game Shirogane is funny because im the alt timeline where horse Shiro got put into the altUmamusume game, before she was released (assuming she wasn't in the first wave), there'd just be this NPC Uma that shows up constantly. Players that didn't know the lore that much would be so confused.

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People screaming out about her in event in game, waiting for her to be finally released as an actual umamusume. While casual fans are baffled at the reception of this supposed NPC Uma.

 

[Tomato]

One of my joys is seeing how the announcers continue to stumble on Shirogane's name in new and interesting ways.

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I mean that's literally how her name is spelled in Japanese. Without it written in English/Polish it is a 100% accurate pronunciation. Japanese is a language where phonetic spelling is 1 to 1 accurate to pronounciation.

This is useful in normal situation but requires writing down loan words in strange ways.

As a famous example, Google is written in Japanese as "guguru".

Edit: it would actually probably be "Oruzeru" but the difference is tiny.

 

[Yonlionz/Amber]

Killing Intent Activated.

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Nah, that was just Shiro indicating a line was about to be crossed. Proper intent to harm would have made that bureaucratic Karen topple over backwards, and Killing Intent? That'd just inconvenience the janitorial staff.

 

[JKD_666]

More importantly to me is what it translates to. I may be willing to open Google translate but it's still annoying to do.

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Don't stop your charge, let's go!/let's strike!

 

[Jadalier Rune]

Honestly, I think having Shirogane win here would be the more unpopular option given how her strengths and weaknesses are presented.

Sure Shirogane has worked on her weaknesses, but it's still shouldn't be enough to overcome the strengths of her peers yet who have all been working on their own weaknesses.

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I love that she's balanced and not overpowered as fuck. it makes a completely engaging story instead of having an OP slop shit. She's strong in some areas and she's weak in some areas that's terrific.

"I will require ten... no, twelve standard-sized bento boxes to dispose of the body, once I dismember it. I shouldn't have any trouble with the weight. All I need is to find a place to dump the evidence."

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And I think she's a little too fat. I think you need a couple more boxes there, Shiro. Hmm, where to hide a body.

 

[RandomNew]

Whoo it's been thousand of years!
New chapter! Thank you!

Ah Shiro, planning murder already.
An aspect of Tanya that I kinda miss.

Will this situation awakened Shiro competitive spirit???
Hope so!

 

[Tiypo]

Like was Sunday Silence the sexiest Uma in Japan or something? Good luck Saito Kisuke, your uma sister's horse alternate demands you get laid.

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I know Sunday Silence is supposedly Cafe's ghost friend, but from what I know, the actual horse was SERIOUSLY obsessed with McQueen. It was so bad that he would throw fits if he was let out to pasture before McQueen, so any Uma version would probably be quite down bad in the yuri department.

 

[Herofox]

I know Sunday Silence is supposedly Cafe's ghost friend, but from what I know, the actual horse was SERIOUSLY obsessed with McQueen. It was so bad that he would throw fits if he was let out to pasture before McQueen, so any Uma version would probably be quite down bad in the yuri department.

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Wasn't McQueen a stallion irl?

Then again, irl Grass and irl Special Week had an incident so maybe that's not so far off lol.

 

[Sir Bidoof]

Overall a decent chapter.

I think there should maybe be a bit more acknowledgement by characters that Shiro failed at the end at least partly because she was distracted by Grass Wonder injuring herself, but that is a relatively minor quibble.

 

[Critian Caceorte]

Wasn't McQueen a stallion irl?

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Indeed, and people still said that Sunday acted like he was McQueen's boyfriend. So in Uma-verse it would be gay either way.

 

[Krein]

"If worse comes to worst, likely few people would miss her."

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There's my oshi.

 

[Aigloss]

More importantly to me is what it translates to. I may be willing to open Google translate but it's still annoying to do.

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Basically "don't stop the charge, we are hitting them"

Very much a thing winged husar Uma would say before slamming into enemey lines like a wrecking ball.

 

[Chrisleech]

I'm not upset about you making her not win. Though I am concerned about her not placing AT ALL. And the way you did it for the onscreen race was downright Weird. Like Shirogane doesn't normally look around because she's tracking everyone with her ears. But here you had her drop too far behind because she looked over and got distracted, and I'm just thinking WTF?

 

[PostwarGryphon]

I mean the whole fic has had her be constantly second or third place, so she's consistent in the losing streak at least.

 

[YetAnotherLurker]

I'm not upset about you making her not win. Though I am concerned about her not placing AT ALL. And the way you did it for the onscreen race was downright Weird. Like Shirogane doesn't normally look around because she's tracking everyone with her ears. But here you had her drop too far behind because she looked over and got distracted, and I'm just thinking WTF?

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All 5 of them were, quite literally, neck and neck. I'm not certain how IRL horse racing margins translate to uma racing, since measurements based on the lengths of horse body parts don't really make any sense when horses don't exist, but the time split between Special Week in first and Shiro in fifth was likely around a tenth of a second at most.

Combine that with concern over a classmate and apparent flashbacks or bleedover from Tanya Degurechaff and what sounds like a past life as a UmaHussar, and it's quite understandable how it could cost her a podium spot.

 

[Solconbur]

So she's working the bag, huh? Is that Power Training, or Guts?

QUOTE="Potates, post: 13890297, member: 7860"]
Shiro: Grass-san, language.
Grass: -blinks- Oh -looks at audience- Ohhhh...I can't have any witnesses
Shiro:-blinks- What?
Grass: -pulls out glock, chambers round- No survivors.
[/QUOTE]
That's the wrong uma to aim at, even if she's a bit rusty in disarmament.

The umas based off of famous stud horses kinda don't always register as female to me sometimes, especially Stay Gold and Fuji Kiseki. It's also a bit of a janky point for the story because how is the site relation supposed to work in this setting?

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To be fair, Stego still acts like the second most manliest uma out there. Impressive, for being as short as her IRL counterpart.

The first, oddly enough, is Mejiro Ryan, who's a fashionless gymbro.

I'm not upset about you making her not win. Though I am concerned about her not placing AT ALL. And the way you did it for the onscreen race was downright Weird. Like Shirogane doesn't normally look around because she's tracking everyone with her ears. But here you had her drop too far behind because she looked over and got distracted, and I'm just thinking WTF?

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Perhaps, she sensed something more in that moment that drove her to distraction. We did get that odd bit of polish, after all.
[

 

[Greatazuredragon]

So the 'moon runes' bit after the injury, was it caused by her past life as The Soldier or her Uma war horse ancestry?

Nice chapter, thanks for the update.

 

[macdjord]

"–just because she doesn't tire herself out doesn't mean you've trained her a lot like you'd do for a spoiler runner."

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@WrandmWaffles: 'you've trained her' -> 'you've not trained her'

"If worse comes to worst, likely few people would miss her."

…What did Shiro mean by that?!

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I'm sure there's a bunker that's about to be shelled which needs manning somewhere.

 

[FluffyVoid]

Basically "don't stop the charge, we are hitting them"

Very much a thing winged husar Uma would say before slamming into enemey lines like a wrecking ball.

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I feel like Shiro will win her first race when she fully unlocks her zone, I also feel like in doing so she accidentally pulls her friend Haru along for the ride with the end result being Shiro first and Haru a very close second.

 

[Gem]

It was disorderly–

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Nie przerywajcie szarży, uderzamy!

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These honestly might be the beginning of Shiro's zone.

Here's my hat in the ring. Shiro's zone won't be some sort of zone of terror or straight debuff. Shiro's zone will be having everyone charge forward in an orderly line. A Calvary Charge. Except, because it's a calvary charge, everyone is kept at the same speed and position. It makes the lead horses lose that lead, while the ones falling behind get to keep up.

And more importantly, it'll stop anyone from stumbling and getting injured and trampled. Because from the last scenes, I get this very strong sense that while Shiro loves the money, Shiro does not want to win at the cost of her friends getting injured. I'd assume that by now, Shiro is sick and tired of having the people she cares about get hurt. And her zone will reflect that. By preventing those she cares about from getting hurt.

Or well, that's my two bits. Personally I'm excited to see how the story will develop. It's been great thus far @WrandmWaffles

Being X, being held down and ganked by the Three Goddesses: "I curse you— ouch! Sto— guh! Toonlyeverplaceintheoutergates— gah!"

And that is how Shirogane went to sleep like a baby, as though listening to a Nutcracker effigy being jumped by three ordinary uma musume.

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I have this mental image of that JoJo meme where the three dudes are kicking that one guy.

And it's two of the three Goddesses, kicking X, while the third takes the time to explain to Shiro that Shiro is safe now, before going in and joining on the X beat down.

Then when Shiro wakes up, there's a nutcracker. But it's in pieces and has a great many horseshoe shaped marks all over it.

 

[Skywolf99]

Hmm, where to hide a body.

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the nearest farm with pigs, the body will never be found

 

[Gem]

the nearest farm with pigs, the body will never be found

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Gonna have to take a hammer to the teeth though. Those will survive

 

[Jubjub3000]

I have a feeling that the organiser is going to lose her kneecap privileges if she keeps this up. I can imagine shiro losing her temper, running full speed, jumping and then kicking with both legs at the punching bag haha!

Edit

Gonna have to take a hammer to the teeth though. Those will survive

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Would this work?

 

[YetAnotherLurker]

So the 'moon runes' bit after the injury, was it caused by her past life as The Soldier or her Uma war horse ancestry?

Nice chapter, thanks for the update.

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I interpreted the first thought about it being disorderly as The Soldier, but the second Polish one as the Hussar.

These honestly might be the beginning of Shiro's zone.

Here's my hat in the ring. Shiro's zone won't be some sort of zone of terror or straight debuff. Shiro's zone will be having everyone charge forward in an orderly line. A Calvary Charge. Except, because it's a calvary charge, everyone is kept at the same speed and position. It makes the lead horses lose that lead, while the ones falling behind get to keep up.

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Hmm. I like the idea, but with a bit of modification. Instead of being an equalizer for the field in general, it's very specifically a Charge to Victory for those she views as friends or allies. Every friendly racer that has mostly kept up joins the charge, and is able to exactly match the pace of the fastest of the group. Nobody falls, nobody is left behind. If any of them could win, all of them win. Once Shiro and her trainer figure it out it turns any race she runs with teammates or classmates into "Tracen first, the rest nowhere." Bookies and gamblers lose their minds as every single race Shiro runs in ends in a two-to-five way tie.