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On a Pale Horse (Umamusume/Youjo Senki)

Reader mode
bucketbot129 said:
Sure, in another 8-12 months and 150k+ words. Boring.
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You are complaining about free entertainment written by someone sacrificing their free time to do this.

Going "maybe author should consider speeding up the tempo of the story" would be understandable.

Complaining that story isn't how you would like it isn't.

If you want your own perfect story, fork over cash and commision it.
 
selonianth said:
Small correction, she's gotten a number of podium finishes. She's just not gotten first.
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To clarify, what I meant to say is that the constant failure of getting podium finishes (recently) is getting to her.

A 5th and 4th place finish, as well as the threat of not qualifying for any of the Classics will do that to you.
 
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We should just ignore Bucketbot and treat them as a wack person to see in this thread, if their criticism was actually valid then I could see why it would be a problem in the story, but Shirogane is feeling more and more irritation of not being able to reach her goal, especially with this race causing her to not be on the podium which is really bad. On the other hand we now see something inside her resonating especially with random mumbling of hearing polish around her, which is probably her zone starting to have a foundation.
 
Stracio said:
To clarify, what I meant to say is that the constant failure of getting podium finishes (recently) is getting to her.

A 5th and 4th place finish, as well as the threat of not qualifying for any of the Classics will do that to you.
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She's literally only had 2 non-podium finishes in her professional career. We just saw one of them in her most recent race.
 
macdjord said:
She's literally only had 2 non-podium finishes in her professional career. We just saw one of them in her most recent race.
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Precisely.

This is the crux of my argument:

Her failures are fresh in her memory.

Those previous races? With her business-minded approach, she went in knowing she was gonna podium in those races, which may have caused a part of her to take those previous success for granted—and thus less meaningful to her right now. Now when she actually needs to win graded races to qualify for the Classics, she can't even get in the podium, which will frustrate anyone unless they don't actually care at all—and Shiro does care, if only for that Classic Crown/Tiara paycheck. Yes, if you look at Shirogane's overall race record objectively it's actually pretty impressive. But with her recent back-to-back failure to podium, even Shiro, for all her stoicism, will be frustrated. Whatever happiness she felt from her previous successes would have faded from time.

There's also the fact that failures tend to leave more of an impression to a person rather than their successes. Just think back to the embarrassing things or failed endeavors in your past.

Her recent failures are fresh, and she has to deal with the consequences of those failures right now.

Logically she shouldn't feel bad.

But emotions aren't logical.

Do remember while Shiro is different from her past lives, they still influence her—in this case, her life as the Salaryman. The Salaryman took his failures to heart to the point where his self-confidence was shot and affected Tanya's mentality. Even with two (or three) lifetimes separating them, a part of Shiro will always be the Salaryman, who remembers their failures more than their successes.
 
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I honestly hope she doesn't unlock her ult because of her performance on the track.
Because whilst she might not be winning, she has been succeeding according to the targets she set herself when she started all this.
Her 9 to 5 mentality is what makes this story interesting.
Her becoming passionate about racing would make her less unique. It would be a loss to the story as a whole.

If she does unlock her ult, it should be (in my humble opinion) in defence of someone, most likely family.
It should play into the soldier's mentality. It should be a threat to life. And nothing that happens on the track can ever be such a threat.
 
wtdtd said:
she has been succeeding according to the targets she set herself when she started all this.
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She already failed the goal she set (podium placement) twice though. And so close to the Classics.
wtdtd said:
Her becoming passionate about racing would make her less unique. It would be a loss to the story as a whole.
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I beg to differ. Learning to love something you've been doing for years—especially when you're constantly around passionate peers—is a natural development.

Sure she might never be as passionate as the others, but gaining some pride at having competed against the best of the best is something I'd love to see with Shirogane.

If Waffles has another idea in mind that they think is better for the story, then I'm all for it, but to actively avoid a "cliched" development merely for the sake of avoiding cliches and the story remaining "unique" defeats the point of good storytelling. Cliches are tools to be used, not something you have to avoid.

While having unique elements in the story helps a lot, at the end of the day the execution of said elements dictates whether a story is good or not.
 
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Personally, I don't mind Shiro/Tanya losing these shorter races. The story has been plenty clear that her specialty is going to be long races.
I do wish we got some long races in between all the shorter distances just to see what she can actually do though.
The story seems to be gearing up for Shiro/Tanya to really give it her all now, so hopefully not long until she gets some major wins under her belt.
wtdtd said:
I honestly hope she doesn't unlock her ult because of her performance on the track.
Because whilst she might not be winning, she has been succeeding according to the targets she set herself when she started all this.
Her 9 to 5 mentality is what makes this story interesting.
Her becoming passionate about racing would make her less unique. It would be a loss to the story as a whole.

If she does unlock her ult, it should be (in my humble opinion) in defence of someone, most likely family.
It should play into the soldier's mentality. It should be a threat to life. And nothing that happens on the track can ever be such a threat.
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I am on the complete opposite side of this though. While I enjoy the 9 to 5 mentality, I hope it's something simple, like a selfish desire to just win or be the best, that finally pushes her to ''ult'' or reach
''The Zone''
If what ends up pushing her to try her hardest and win ends up being something cheesy like ''love'' or ''power of friendship'' I would be disappointed.
 
zecorezecron said:
Gee, it sure would be a shame if some butthurt fan of someone Shiro beat were to burn down the family restaurant, making Shiro lock the fuck in to earn enough to rebuild.
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I don't think the story will go into someone gets the Chinese bull de limbing execution but performed by uma Musume treatment territory
 
zecorezecron said:
Gee, it sure would be a shame if some butthurt fan of someone Shiro beat were to burn down the family restaurant, making Shiro lock the fuck in to earn enough to rebuild.
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I am really questioning whether or not this comment is meant to ragebait by your wording the same as in the Cliche Cultivation World story comments. This is a slice of life story so I highly doubt the author will be writing of the actions of "butthurt fans" performing highly illegal activities.

Please be aware that how you word your comments may be looked at by mods if they keep sounding like this.
 
canzzer said:
If what ends up pushing her to try her hardest and win ends up being something cheesy like ''love'' or ''power of friendship'' I would be disappointed.
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Personally I don't mind Shirogane's motivation to occasionally push herself beyond her limits somewhat shifting to this as the rest of the Golden Gen retire and she becomes one of the last bastions of the old guard (alongside Stay Gold from the previous gen). There's just something awesome about an older Shirogane going, "You know what? Today is a good day to go all-out." 🤣

But for the first time, yeah I want to see it be purely out of her reawakening desire to win.
 
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Dissimilate said:
I am really questioning whether or not this comment is meant to ragebait by your wording the same as in the Cliche Cultivation World story comments. This is a slice of life story so I highly doubt the author will be writing of the actions of "butthurt fans" performing highly illegal activities.

Please be aware that how you word your comments may be looked at by mods if they keep sounding like this.
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Name one other reason a financially motivated protagonist who want her family to be prosperous would have to knuckle down and be motivated to win. A loss of the family legacy would be impactful emotionally and fit within her motivation for really trying hard for the winners purse. The only real possibility for sudden need for a large amount if money in a short time would be the loss of the restaurant. And since umas are basically idols, and simps do stupid shit all the time, that would be plausible. The only other threat would be negligence.

I'd tell you to get off your high horse, but I cant think of a good uma pun.
 
She might find herself motivated by more than just financial reasons. Heck there's already been a little bit of it; she should not have raced against her peers if she wanted the absolute best chance to make both classic circuits; she did it because she was getting caught up in their energy and competitiveness. As someone else put it, she traded her best chance at the Tiara for the worst chance at the Crown.

From a financial standpoint, if someone in her family is badly injured and medical bills come calling, that's a possibility. I view someone burning down her family restaurant as extremely unlikely though I suppose it's possible.
 
Impstar said:
She might find herself motivated by more than just financial reasons. Heck there's already been a little bit of it; she should not have raced against her peers if she wanted the absolute best chance to make both classic circuits; she did it because she was getting caught up in their energy and competitiveness. As someone else put it, she traded her best chance at the Tiara for the worst chance at the Crown.

From a financial standpoint, if someone in her family is badly injured and medical bills come calling, that's a possibility. I view someone burning down her family restaurant as extremely unlikely though I suppose it's possible.
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Ah, a conflict arising because the main character decided to change things up instead of sticking to the plan! Shiro's definitely enjoying her time in Tracen that's for sure!
 
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I am pretty sure that restaurants (even those in Japan) are required to have insurance just in case a fire happens in the kitchen and affects buildings around them. Thus a pissed off uma simp burning the place down would not effect Shiro in the slightest other than if her family got hurt. If that happens, she would not be motivated to race but would be motivated to hunt those involved down, making the story no longer a slice of life.
 
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Nah y'all are thinking too deeply about this, instead what will happen to cause her to unlock her ult, is due to a family member of hers choking on a pierogi and then ended up hospitalized. Basically causing her to grieve about that accident and then decided to lock in. /s
 
Dissimilate said:
I am pretty sure that restaurants (even those in Japan) are required to have insurance just in case a fire happens in the kitchen and affects buildings around them.
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That's one reason I suggested malfeasance rather than negligence. Unless Japanese property insurance is radically different to American, you'd be pretty fucked if the fire was deliberate and you cant prove it wasnt done to collect the payout.

And I may be projecting Shiro on to her family a bit, but I cannot imagine any scenario where a fire happens there by accident, especially since equipment has been getting updated.

The only other sudden financial burden I can think of would be a surprise sibling, but after over a decade, that's not very plausible.
 
Exactly why the conversation of Shirogane's motivation happened more than a year ago already. She remembers her past lives, in full and in detail (though without being able to cast her magic now), thus why she has no real motivation to try her hardest.

Her life is no longer in danger. Period, Finished, End of Statement.

After everything she has gone through in her past lives, she cannot be arsed to go 110% anymore. 75 or 80%.... sure... more than that? No. And this is not speculation, this is according to what the author has already said in their own comments. But this is NOT a story that would be featured in Jump magazine, it is not a Shonen manga where everything is exaggerated and people make unreasonable stupid decisions. This is a normalish universe but with racing horsegirls. No one is going to research what her real family name is and burn her parents restaurant down just because she beat their favorite in some race, especially if they are not a Tracen racer which is known as the school with the best runners.

Her family name isn't even announced so they would have to break privacy laws just to figure out her full name anyways.
 
Dissimilate said:
This is a normalish universe
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Ummm...

Aston Machan
Gentildonna
Still in Love
Stay Gold
Marvelous Sunday
Shuntaisai (Fleetfoot) Scenario

Sure, it's a normalish universe with only Umamusume as the only variation! Definitely no supernatural shenanigans in the background whatsoever! :V
 
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Stracio said:
Sure, it's normalish! Definitely no supernatural shenanigans in the background whatsoever! :V
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How dare you exclude Marvelous Sunday.

That said, the fact that Wrandwaffles is also fixing the timeline to prevent the whole everyone is around at the exact same time as everyone else issue means that I wouldn't be surprised if the more blatantly supernatural edges of the setting are tuned down.
 
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