Chapters
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User | Total |
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Quillion9000 | 4 |
"Only one person has shown themselves to be more skilled than me." Shark nodded. "I'm looking at him, right now."
center of the courtyard. After confirming it was seemingly no ones, he got to claim it and gave it to me."
Should be "you're" (Also, Flip Turner, you suck! You're nowhere near as awful as some of the other characters, but that bar is deep underground so no points there)
"every one" instead of "everyone" I am almost certain.
"I'd say it's a little to earlier to go saying that." Tori retorted.
"Every bit of defense I whittle down, is one more layer of defense you lose and one step further I take to reclaiming Master Hyperion." Tori drew. "With this next monster, I'm about to take several steps towards that goal.
I release my Meltiel to summon Airknight Parshath(LV5/1900/1400)."
"I may have lost some control over this duel, but it's easily regained with the monsters at my disposal!" Flip drew. "I set one monster before activating Book of Taiyou. This spell allows me to flip this set monster into face up attack position.
Say hello to Slate Warrior(LV 4/1900/400)." A blue fiend in orange attire appeared.
Say hello to Slate Warrior(LV 4/1900/400)." A blue fiend in orange attire appeared. "By being flipped face up, he gains 500 ATK and DEF." Slate Warrior(LV 4/2400/900 effect). "He'll use all that power to wipe your Airknight off the field."
You're, btw.
Another case of somebody's speech being broken into two paragraphs without quotation marks at the start of the second to indicate continued speech."Warrior of Zera is actually where Zeradias began his journey, with plenty of others like or beyond it able to claim the same." Tori informed. "On the path my deck takes, Zeradias is by no means the end of this particular journey.
Zera discovered the Sanctuary in the Sky to become Zeradias, and when the time was right, he was promoted. This can be achieved in duel by releasing Zera himself to special summon him. I call upon Archlord Zerato(LV 8/2800/2300)." A taller Zera with wings appeared.
Fairly sure you want "single" here.
Wrong warning, Tori. You should have warned him against playing that card against Flip, not against accepting it.
This is missing a closing quotation mark. (Not continued in the next paragraph, after all)"I just don't like making enemies. Some people might say I'm too forgiving, but that's who I am. My dad always said dueling was meant to bring out the best in people, so that's how I duel.
I am almost certain you want "whether" here rather than "weather".
Silly Yuto, you don't need people Shark believes to be better than him, just ones who're vaguely near him in skill. I believe Rio qualifies? Not very familiar with Zexal, though. After all, a lot of decks would have a better matchup against Yuto than Shark's deck.
Nah, just get undressed. If you showed up naked it'd be fine.I think several of your classmates would enjoy the view.
Good on Yuto treating his duel against Yuma as a teaching duel. Those two have it rough, and need as much help as possible redeeming their genocidal villains (Astral, XYZ Dragon, and Z-Arc) so them being friendly with each other is definitely a good sign.
I believe this should be "no one's".
Should be "you're" (Also, Flip Turner, you suck! You're nowhere near as awful as some of the other characters, but that bar is deep underground so no points there)
Request: Indicate that monsters are attacking to destroy monsters; when somebody declares that their monster destroys another monster I expect it to be by card effect, so that's been tripping me up.
"every one" instead of "everyone" I am almost certain.
"little too early" I believe
I believe you should either combine these into one paragraph, or open the second with quotation marks to indicate that it's the same character speaking.
Same deal here.
This seems like an error. IIUC, Man-Eater Bug destroyed Airknight last chapter and nothing happened to bring them back.
You're, btw.
Do you mean "Tori" rather than "Troi"?
Another case of somebody's speech being broken into two paragraphs without quotation marks at the start of the second to indicate continued speech.
Fairly sure you want "single" here.
Wrong warning, Tori. You should have warned him against playing that card against Flip, not against accepting it.(Though does Yuma even have a reasonable way of playing it? Ruri would, but she'd also have very little reason to play it since her archetype provides a much better method of getting direct attacks out)
This is missing a closing quotation mark. (Not continued in the next paragraph, after all)
Sorry this isn't organized particularly well, and I hope you don't mind the suggestions.
Thank you for writing and sharing this story; I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Also, thank you for allowing Tori to be more relevant; Yugioh has a bad habit of not allowing female characters to do much. Also, starring the best of Z-Arc's incarnations and involves the second-best of Ray's! (Serena is my favourite)
I had her use Monster Reborn at the end of the chapter prior to that and bring Airknight back.I'm glad it was helpful.
Not sure how you'll fix the opening to Dawn of the Numbers since the game state as it developed currently relies on Tori having a moderately powerful monster on the field. Add another set card and have it be something to recur Airknight? Though it'd probably have needed to be set on the prior turn so she couldn't bring it back for a second attack after the Man-Eater killed it...
I had her use Monster Reborn at the end of the chapter prior to that and bring Airknight back.
Yeah, it was a simple change that pretty much allows the duel to flow without there just suddenly being Airknight on the field after being destroyed by Man-Eater Bug. Her ace monster is actually Master Hyperion, but that's currently in the grubby hands of a certain flip effect user. Yeah, Tori has quite a few good fairy monsters within this deck of hers. Like Yuma, prior to suddenly getting Number 39, she lacks an extra deck as well in this universe.Ah, missed that. Thank you. And bringing it back during Main Phase 2 like that means you need far fewer changes.
Nice to see she has such a card; it'll be very helpful to her in general, I think.
In a way, this variation of Zexal does and does not connect to Arc-V. That is a story element that will be flushed out as the story progresses. As this is set more within Zexal, fusion, synchro, and rituals are cards which can show up. I will say Xyz summoning is going to be the main thing utilized, not exactly going to have people with abundant cards for their archetype branch into them, but they will show up.Are you running with Xyz monsters being the only known Extra Deck monsters? Or are there Fusions, Synchros, and maybe even Pendulums openly being used? Also, I'm hoping we get at least one good Ritual specialist.
"I challenged you, so I shall once again take the first move!" Flip drew, showing his duel pad as he deleted the video. "Now, I activate the continuous spell Sunset Beat. If a monster I control is changed to face-down defense, I can destroy one card on the field.
If a flip monster is flipped face-up, you'll be taking damage equal to 200 multiplied by their level. Both effects are ones which can be utilized once every turn. I'll then follow it up with one set monster before calling my turn there."
"Additionally, the destruction of Nova Summoner triggers his effect.
Normally, I could summon any light attributed fairy monster with 1500 ATK or less from my deck. Due to having Sanctuary active, it now targets Airknight Parshath(LV5/1900/1400)."
"Alright Flip, here I come!
First, I'll summon The Agent of Miracles – Jupiter(LV 4/1800/1000)."
"By detaching one overlay unit, I can target any one monster who was special summoned from the extra deck and change them to face-down defense position.
The only monster like that on the field is Vampiric Dragon."
"Since a face-up monster I control was changed to face-down defense position, Sunset Beat lets me destroy any card on the field.
I choose your Sanctuary!"
"I'll follow it up with the Book of Taiyou, allowing me to flip any one face-down monster into face-up attack position. I choose my Vampiric Dragon.
While a monster with ranks means Sunset Beat's other effect won't activate, a second effect of Number 24's will in allowing me to send any 1 card on the field to the grave due to him being flipped face-up. I choose Vingolf's Blessing."
"I'll activate the card I set last turn, Subterror Succession. With this, my deck can do one of two things. The only one that matters now is my ability to send 1 monster from my hand to the grave. I choose the water attributed Cystal Seer.
Now, I add any one flip monster from my deck to my hand, provided it has the same attribute yet a different name from the discarded monster. I select Flip Wizard. I'll then set one monster and activate Book of Taiyou to flip the Flip Wizard(LV 3/500/1200) I just set into attack position."
After all, Yuma's got a golden key that magically fixed itself while Flip is using a monster that changed his personality and seemingly gave him a glowing tattoo.
To top it off, I'm not in a stressful situation like Yuma, yet I'm seeing the same figure as him. All I'm saying is something weird is going on here, has been since last night and likely longer if what Yuma has told me is any indication. At this point, anything is possible."
"With my Battle Phase over, I shall use my dragon's effect. By detaching one overlay unit, I can flip one monster summoned from the extra deck face-down.
Since the only monster fitting that criteria is my dragon, he shall be my target."
"First, I set one monster before flipping my Vampiric Dragon face-up which activates his secondary effect. I can now automatically send any one card on your field to the grave. I choose your face-down on the left.
Go, Crimson Curse!"
"Then, I activate the quick-play Sol and Luna.
Through its power, I target my Vampiric Dragon and your Chanbara. Whatever their current battle position, they adopt the inverse. Face-up attack for my monster and face-down defense for yours. While his effect his once per turn, the capability of attacking has reset.
He'll once again attack your Acher. Go, Sanguine Storm!"
I believe he means he's only special summoned this turn."That said, all I've done is normal summon this turn, so I'll set one monster before ending my turn."
The x 3 was replaced by a smiley here. I believe there's an option to turn off that transformation, or you can put a space between them or otherwise change the precise sequence. (Shows up more than once in the chapter)
People are so lucky Astral got beaten down and forgot his purpose and history. I doubt Yuma would have had anywhere near as much success redeeming him otherwise even if he otherwise had the opportunity. (And even then it still required an epic duel to prevent him from following through on his mission, IIUC)"I am uncertain." Astral replied. "I cannot seem to recall much of anything. All I know is my name, and I was sent here to fulfill a great purpose; however, it seems something went wrong. Now, I am stuck here with no memory of who I am or what my purpose was. This is troubling."
Seems like this should be a question mark rather than a period.
Meanwhile, this seems like it should be a period rather than a question mark. (Or rephrased so it's a question, such as "To what extent, though?")
Thank you, the corrections have been made. As for how I do the whole speaking thing, that is the style I go with when I personally feel the paragraph is done. I tend to like keeping things to three lines max before hitting enter a couple times to then start a new line. A good number of times a character will have enough to say that it requires multiple paragraphs.You have more quotes split between two paragraphs with no opening quotation mark in the second. Is this a deliberate style choice you're making? Or a standard I am unfamiliar with, perhaps?
I believe he means he's only special summoned this turn.
The x 3 was replaced by a smiley here. I believe there's an option to turn off that transformation, or you can put a space between them or otherwise change the precise sequence. (Shows up more than once in the chapter)
People are so lucky Astral got beaten down and forgot his purpose and history. I doubt Yuma would have had anywhere near as much success redeeming him otherwise even if he otherwise had the opportunity. (And even then it still required an epic duel to prevent him from following through on his mission, IIUC)
Seems like this should be a question mark rather than a period.
Meanwhile, this seems like it should be a period rather than a question mark. (Or rephrased so it's a question, such as "To what extent, though?")
Edit: Opinion: Yuma's deck seems fairly lackluster, which is fitting. He spent three relatively specific cards to get a single 5000 attack out and then a 2500 monster with damage protection, a single material remaining, and a self-destruct effect that can be triggered if he loses the last one. Meanwhile, Dark Magic Curtain and Megamorph would have given a similar duel-ending move but been more flexible in general. And there are plenty of things that could be used instead of Dark Magic Curtain to get Dark Magician onto the field. (And, of course, several ways to deal with that Number rather than just hitting it with a big stick)
Edit2: Also, thank you for the chapter as usual.![]()