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Scholar of the Road [LMS]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Berserkslash, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    QQ-HALP!

    I am stuck on what the hell to write for my latest scene and I'm still trying to get this story rolling. I'll post up my first Chapter/Prologue and see if anyone finds it interesting and can give me feedback, and right after that I'll start putting up my second one that I really need help figuring how to continue on.


    The story is a fanfic based around the game in the Korean Light Novel Legendary Moonlight Sculptor.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    He was a quiet man with few if an friends, preferring the world within his books that were so much more exciting and interesting, of which he had quite a large collection. This tendency was not helped by staying within such an old looking and quaint hometown as he resided, where nothing ever happened. But, as a recent graduate with an Associate's Degree who wanted to take some time off, he didn't mind too much. As he had grown up within this small town, the bustle of a big city such as where he attended college was a bit much for him.

    His parents are somewhat wealthy and very loving to their only child, but unable to be around as much as they wished because of their shared profession. For, you see, they were a somewhat renowned pair of archaeologist's within the academic community, jokingly called the Jones Couple, for always visiting such interesting ruins and working together even before marrying each other.

    As the man was finishing his degree, the two were preparing to embark upon an extra extended trip, from the ruins of the Amazon, to ancient tombs within China. And having finished the basics of his college education and still unsure of what he wished to do, which field of higher education within which he could pursue, he was contacted by his parents with an offer.

    "We know how hard it is to decide on a path for you to take your life." His mother tells him. "Your father and I have talked, and with you taking a break from schooling, we think it would be best for you to come back home and watch the house while we're away. You'll have plenty of time to decide until we return."

    Spending the next day thinking it over, the man decides to accept his parents offer. Calling up his father to let him know. "Now son, we don't get to spend much time together, or even talk anymore, and we both know the trouble you find in making close friends." His father tells him. "To kill two birds with one stone, we've put and order in for a special surprise when you arrive." Curious and a bit apprehensive, the man gets to work on packing his belongings.

    His roommate had dropped out halfway through the last semester, but as he had been a new roommate since his last had left for off campus housing, the man did not know him very well. And with the semester already started and plenty of extra space within the little used dormitories, he was allowed the room to himself.

    As a result of this, the man was able to keep quite a bit of his collection with him. Beginning with his clothes at the bottom, he then piles the more expensive parts of his collection atop within his bags. The man brings out some saved cardboard boxes to pack the rest of the less expensive collection, random and strange artifacts his parents had sent him, books that go into the histories of the artifacts.

    Making up the largest portion of his collection are his books on ancient legends and old stories. Covering the various heroes, the cunning tricksters and rogues, the wisest of men, rulers beyond compare, and unstoppable warriors. Stashed here and there within the books are more modern fantasy and various history texts.

    Finished with the packing, just a few days later all that is left is a dark and empty room.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The town in which he had grown up is quite far away from everything else. It was one of a few scattered throughout the countryside that had been deliberately set up to provide a more traditional and small town feel, away from the increasingly crowded and polluted metropolis and large cities that were brought about by accelerating technological progress.

    The only ways to the town are a long and lonesome road through mountains, that branched off from a little used section of freeway, or the high speed railroad that passes by the outskirts of the almost village, rarely making stops. Usually the only vehicles that use the road are the large trucks that carry supplies of all kinds to the few shops that operate, while most food is grown locally by various farms nearby. As such, most people used the train, such as the young man that arrives on a very sunny and hot day.

    Unfortunately for the man, he had been delayed quite a bit by complications within the dormitories, and was a day late in returning home. His parents, unable to throw out their plans, had already left. And all there was to greet him, was an empty station and clear road into town. Giving a sigh and rubbing his forehead in a combination of the heat and exasperation, he picks up one duffel bag and stacks his various boxes atop his suitcase, feeling relieved he had bought one that both had wheels and that they were large enough to be practical in transporting the excess luggage.

    Setting off down the empty road, his mind blurring from the sweaty heat, it didn't take all that long to travel from the station to his family home. And soon enough he was setting down his luggage in an empty entryway, venturing forth into his deserted home to turn on the air conditioning.

    "What?"

    That's all he can say at the sight that greets him in the living room.

    Off to the side against the wall and out of the way is a long silver and metallic object.

    "Is this a tanning booth?"

    Wondering over the oddity of his parents, who spent nearly all day, every day, outside, ordering a tanning booth, especially one that looked so strange. He notices a note atop a thick book on the table. Picking it up and reading, his eyes widen in surprise.

    Hey honey, I'm sorry we weren't able to wait and pick you up, hope you made it just fine. The capsule in the room is the surprise we wanted to get you. It's the machine that is required to play the new Virtual Reality game called Royal Road. With this you'll be able to experience so many new things and interact with such different people, you're just bound to make friends! You'll even be able to easily keep in contact with us while playing the game! Your father and I will be gone for quite some time so this will give you something to do besides gloom over the possibilities. And don't even think about not playing, your father and I have already payed for a full year's subscription, and if we take longer to return we've set it to renew automatically. Now, the game hasn't launched just yet, but you'll be able to start playing the day after next, so you can have your time to research to your hearts content like usual. Now, remember to eat healthily and have fun! With love, Mom and Dad."

    Slightly confused and definitely surprised and being given such an anticipated game, the man finds himself with nothing to do but sit and go through the book that he now recognizes as a manual.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Time passes and the light in the room slowly decreases from the evening sun. A quiet grumble echoes about the room. Surprised, the young man looks down from the book nearly on its last page to stare at his stomach, which rumbles again obligingly. Putting the manual down and standing in a stretch, the man makes his way into the kitchen to fix something for supper.

    Washing dishes and satisfied, he stops to think after drying his hands.

    'With nothing else to do, I probably will be playing this game.'

    Giving a sigh and rubbing his hairless chin in exasperation.

    'I wish they wouldn't waste money on me like that, but they always do.'

    In truth, his parents had always felt guilty at having to leave for their career so often, even when they did their best to severely limit their trips until after he was able to care for himself. In point of fact, this false guilt was the source of many of the more rare books within his collection. Resulting in a cycle of guilt where he himself felt worse for theirs and whenever possible he did his best to refuse the gifts without harming their feelings.

    Leaving the kitchen, he entered the entryway to retrieve the long forgotten luggage and bringing it all into his room, which looked nearly the same as he had left it before heading off to school in the past. A neat bed to the left, large window across the room with a desk in front of it, and bookshelves covering the whole of the wall to the right.

    With a yawn, he realizes how tired he is from traveling most of the day and reading for the last few hours straight, he decides to put aside his belongings for the next day. Leaving his possessions in the center of the room and getting changed, he lays down and soon sleeps.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The next morning finds the man hard at work organizing his collection of books by subject and author.

    Setting the last of his collection into place, he stands and dusts his hands.

    "Alright, everything is put away as I like."

    Cracking his neck, the man walks over to his desk under the large window and sits down in the waiting chair.

    "Might as well look up what I can expect in the game, my mother knows me too well after all."

    Taking out a notepad and pen as his computer loads up, he prepares himself for researching the game as much as possible, with it having only just come out for sale and not even launching he didn't expect to find everything so easily and prepared to spend the rest of the day on it.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hours and a meal later, the notebook is halfway full and the beginnings of a plan on a piece of paper are both on the desk in front of him.

    "Alright, let's go over the basics again."

    -First, time is stretched to a 4:1 frame within the game.
    -There are many different races available, but only about half are able to chosen at launch. The basic three are Humans, Elves, and Dwarves.
    -Doing certain actions can increase stats and generate skills, supposedly only limited by imagination and tenacity.
    -There are countless classes to choose from, some available to everyone, but most are restricted to those who fulfill certain prerequisites. Much speculation on there being hundreds and hundreds of secret classes.
    -Players are locked within the starter city for a month in game, so as to become used to the virtual reality and prepare themselves for the world.

    'Using the information I gathered, the best course for me would be to spend all my time locked in my starter city finding ways to raise my base stats and researching various classes to find out what exists and how to get the one that is closest to what I want.'

    Getting up and stretching, the man went about his usual routine before going to sleep.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The sun is high in the sky and the living room is brightly lit from its wide window. The young man stands before the capsule, the manual in hand.

    "So I just press the button on the side and it'll open up. It will check my eyes and neck, automatically creating a locked account for me before I go into the character creation."

    Both excited and slightly nervous he touches the side of the capsule at a specific location as indicated and the lid slide open with a quiet 'whoosh.' Taking a deep breath, he climbs in and the lid slides closed.

    Checking iris and vitals
    New User detected
    Creating account
    Would you like to connect to Royal Road?
    [Y/N]

    "Yes."

    As soon as he finishes responding, there is a bright flash and he can only see white.
     
  2. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    Chapter Two-Pinball Wizard

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A flash and sudden blinding white.

    The young man finds himself floating in the middle of an empty abyss of white.

    As he reels from the sudden difference of perception, there is a ding and a mostly transparent blue screen appears in front of him.

    *Please select the name of your Avatar*

    “Harold”

    A name that he found regal, giving off a wise impression to his mind. It would definitely fit the character he wanted to create.

    *Select the gender of your Avatar*

    “Male”

    He just thought it would be too strange and uncomfortable to play as a different gender.

    *Royal Road has forty-nine player races in total. You may select your race from amongst the primary twenty races available at this time*

    “Human”

    The most balanced of the races, humans started with no inherent advantages, but in return they gained near limitless opportunities in how they may be played.

    *You may alter the appearance of your Avatar*

    “Show my body, just a couple inches taller”

    With a flicker, a slightly see-through image of his body appeared floating in front of him. The only difference between the two being that the illusory body was but a few inches taller.

    Rubbing his chin in thought, the man continues.

    “Make it another inch and a half taller”

    The man smiles as he observes the result in satisfaction.

    “Now make my hair a slate gray, and my eyes a bright blue”

    The image flickers for but a moment and as it reforms in that instant, what stands in front of Harold is a much taller, grey haired man with bright eyes.

    “Hmm, looks good, now make it a bit thinner and sharpen the features to a more aristocratic look”

    Within the span of a blink, the image changes once again. What stands before him now is a tall and gaunt man with a sharp face and piercing eyes..

    Smiling, the man cannot help but emit a feeling of satisfaction.

    ‘Being taller certainly gives more presence. People say that those with strong personalities seem larger than they actually are, and having a taller base to work from can only help me stick out more to people as a person to take seriously and listen to’

    Giving a small laugh, the man pays no mind to the new screen hanging in front of his face and loses himself in his plans.

    ‘With striking features combined with the height, I’ll have a good base to build on as a serious mage’

    Happy with his concept having taken life before his eyes, the man pays attention to the screen he had been ignoring.

    *Is this Avatar to your satisfaction?*
    *Y/N*

    “Yes, I’m satisfied with my character, continue”

    *Your account has now been activated, your stats and skills will be determined throughout your experiences playing Royal Road*

    *Please select the kingdom and city you wish to start in*

    Having already decided beforehand through his research, the man felt relief that he wouldn’t have to scroll through the many different options or even choose at random and have a chance at a harder time in his chosen class.

    “The Castle Town Barba within the Britten Alliance”

    *Welcome to Royal Road!*

    And with another flash of light, the young man disappears from the empty abyss.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A flash of light.

    With the blinding but quickly receding overwhelming light, the first thing the man known as Harold noticed had to be the sound.

    A loud cacophony of voices, indistinct besides the occasional girlish shriek or boyish yelp.

    As his vision returns his eyes are attacked by a violence of color and diversity. He finds himself with a large courtyard made of a bright white stone, in the middle of a large crowd of milling people of all shapes and sizes, colors and races.

    Harold can only gawk at the sights before him, the hundreds of people just milling about in the large courtyard with many more coming and going through the side streets coming off of it or the main road that fades into the distance towards a large majestic castle.

    “I knew that this game was widely anticipated as to be the best game to ever come out of Korea… But I never expected anything like this. How are they all paying such an exorbitant price? Do they really expect to win the prize, or just that excited over a new world?”

    Mumbling under his breath, he could lose himself in though even in such a loud situation, such was his experience from being in a large city college.

    As a new game from the Unicorn Corporation that had created the wonders of such an amazingly immersive Virtual Reality and their special capsule technology with which they changed the world of VR in totality. The capsule itself cost an amazing $9,000, as if that price was not enough, the game had a required subscription of $300 each month.

    But, in a stroke of genius and to offset the downsides of the cost, the company announced a prize. The first player to conquer the game, to bring to heel the whole of the Virtual world of Royal Road under his rule, will be granted a whopping prize of 10% of the companies earnings for a full month.

    This had caused a large surge of interest in the game, and many who would never give it the time of day, already used to disappointment from limited Virtual Reality games, suddenly they started paying attention again.

    And with this attention the anticipation for the game just grew and grew, to the point that even his parents with only past on their minds had heard about the wonders that would be made available through this technology and software.

    Sighing, he can only bow his head at the lengths his parents would go to. Though he felt that they owed him nothing and was completely satisfied and proud to have them as his parents, it was one facet that no matter his effort couldn't be changed. The situation was but a single thing he could possibly have a complaint over his upbringing.

    Fed up with feeling pitiful, he raises his head to gaze out at the thronging mass of people, with more appearing every few moments in a flash, standing around and gawking at the sights just as he had after their bodies formed.

    A sudden outbreak of yelling, and Harold sees a sudden shifting the milling mass as many hurriedly shoved their way away from a loud center.

    Standing in the middle of the sudden clearing are two massive men. One is brown-haired and has a mustache, the other has black hair and a full beard.

    "HAHA! YA WEAKLING AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON MA GLORIOUS STACHE!" The brown haired man announced.

    "YA LIMP WRISTED PANSY, YOU CALL THAT TEENSY THING FACIAL HAIR! YOU AIN'T NO MAN WITHOUT A FULL FLEDGED BEARD!" Bellows the black haired man.

    "THOSE SOUND LIKE FIGHTING WORDS YOU OLD FOOL!" Screams the brown haired giant.

    "OH YEAH? THEN LETS SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL!" Yells the black haired gargantuan man.

    "I'VE BEEN WAITING YEARS TO BE ABLE TO BEAT YOUR FOOL BUTT LIKE A DRUM ALLAN!" The menacing brown haired man shouts right on back to his black haired fellow.

    "WE NEVER EVEN NEEDED TO WAIT, JUST THAT THIS WAY YOUR FRAIL BODY WON'T DIE ON ME GETTING YA TO FINALLY SUBMIT, GERALD!" The man whose name was supposedly Allan announces.

    And leaving the discussion at that, the two massive men rush at the other. And as they meet with fists raised there is an almighty smack. The two begin laying into each other with their fists alone, neither bothering to dodge and instead just stand there taking the hits and dishing them out.

    Above their heads small zero’s show up constantly, because as people still within the first month users are unable to physically damage one another.

    As the two begin their fight, they both of them begin bellowing in laughter. Laughing as they punch one another, the man notices the two even have some small tears falling down their skilling faces.


    "Wow, they're really going at it huh?"

    "I think it's kinda creepy how happy they look punching the hell out of each other..."

    As they watch, many in the surrounding crowd began talking over the spectacle the two burly men were making over themselves.

    And as the fight wore on, Harold noticed a man in armor coming towards the commotion with a stern look on his face and a hand on the sword at his side. Not wanting to get involved further than as a bystander Harold was quick to begin moving in the opposite direction as what was obviously a guard NPC of some sort.

    'That was interesting to see and confirm that I'll be safe completely for the next month, but this place is getting much too loud and crowded for me'

    Lost in thought and hurrying away from the scene behind him, a high pitched shriek that he had been completely unprepared for as well as the barrage that suddenly followed afterwards.

    "Eeeeeee!"

    "Oh My God!"

    "It's so great to see everyone again!"

    A group of young girls had converged to the left of Harold and were holding a reunion as loudly as could be.

    As the three were in a tearful reunion, Harold was only able to wince at spiking pain their high pitched shrieking was giving him, quickly driving him away from the trio of young beauties.

    Backing away quickly, he turned around to go in a different direction only to nearly run face first into the back of a suddenly appearing blonde young man.

    "Alright! Finally out of the tutorial!" The blonde exclaims to the world, fist raised into the air.

    "Now let's get this game started! Look out world, the greatest warrior is setting out now!" Giving a yell, the young man immediately starts running towards the city gates in front of him at one end of the plaza.

    Heaving a sigh at stopping in time, Harold can only shake his head at the weird people the game seemed to have drawn out even on the day of launch.

    Deciding he had enough of the crowds Harold quickly rushes off towards a side street coming off the courtyard.

    As he makes his way he notices the two energetic and large men are happily talking with the guard that had split their fight up, the NPC maintaining a stoic expression even as he explains the rules of the city prohibiting fights within its walls.

    The trio of overly loud and enthusiastic girls are walking with arms linked, heading up the main street towards the large and fairy tale esque castle that looms over the large town.

    Reaching the mouth of the less crowded side street, Harold looks back over the large plaza.

    Over at the city gate he can barely see the young man that had logged on right in front of him.

    He can only laugh quietly under his breath as he sees the blonde on the ground, a guard keeping him there while another lectures at him seriously.

    Satisfied with his fill of noise for the day, he turns back and enters the small street.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The first thing to notice about the street had to be how isolated it was from the courtyard even just a few feet away from the entrance.

    Though it was much less crowded and quiet, there are still quite a few people coming and going, though in comparison there are quite a bit more NPCs here, easily able to be told apart at this time due to the plain starter clothes that every play begins with equipped in comparison to the variety of styles the NPCs owned.

    Just walking down the street, harold could not help but marvel at how life like their programming was. They would stop and chat, haggle over a street vendors wares, pine after items kept within windows of the front shops. There were even children running to and fro playing happily with one another.

    As he strolls down the street taking in the sites, a door is suddenly slammed open to let an old man out of a shop.

    “Damn NPCs don’t know who they’re talking to, so arrogant! I have half a mind to call that company and get a refund!” The old man in starter equipment grumbles loudly to himself and shoves his way past anyone in his way.

    Getting out of the mans way, Harold finds himself feeling curious over what could have set the fellow off.

    Walking over to the shop, he takes a peek into the display window.

    What greets his curious gaze are a variety of obviously magical items. A staff on prominent display, a large blue cloak hung up to the side on a wooden coat rack. A set of cauldron and various ingredients and measuring tools. But what catches his attention the quickest are the large and overfilled bookshelves lining the walls past the display case.

    Excited over finding such a good place to start so quickly Harold impatiently opens the door to and enters into the shop in one quick movement, having already completely forgotten what had drawn him to it in the first place.

    The front room is covered in books, having shelves filled with them lining each wall of the shop, he makes a beeline for the closest case and ignoring everything else.

    Suddenly, he experiences a dull pain and is knocked down to the ground.

    “What the hell was that for!” Suddenly angry, Harold shouts as he immediately gets to his feet.

    “What the hell that was about? What the hell do you think you’re doing coming into my shop and not even greeting me! Going straight for my books to put your grubby hands all over!”

    A tall man in a dark blue robe suddenly appears from out of the back of the shop. Bald at the top of his head and wearing spectacles, he looks every bit the scholar or magician. The owners face grows an unhealthy red as he continues yelling.

    “That doesn’t mean you need to hit me you blowhard!” Harold counters, still angry over being hit out of nowhere for nothing.

    “That is it! I have had it with arrogant foreigners coming into my shop like they own the place! You and your friend from before are hereby banned from all guild buildings!”

    “What?”

    Before he could properly register exactly what has happened he is already sitting on his butt outside a slammed door.

    *You have been banned from all establishments owned and/or operated by the Mages Guild*
    *100 Fame required to overturn shopkeeper Darios’ decision*


    “What?”

    Completely taken off guard, Harold can only stare at the screen that had appeared in front of him.

    “What?”

    He can only repeat his question.

    “The hell was that all about?”

    Having no choice but to think over why such a thing would happen to him, Harold stays sitting where he is and staring past the shops door.

    'Damnit, why did he get so pissed off so suddenly? I just wanted to check out his books and get an idea of what I'll need to look for. What did it mean that my fame was too low in the window? First things first, try and enter the shop and get an explanation'

    Standing up, he raises his hand and tries to grasp the doorknob.

    But as he grips it to open the door, his hand slips right off.

    -Vweem-

    *Cannot enter building due to the effects of Darius' blacklisting*
    *Fame is below 100, cannot override*


    Surprised, Harold closely examines the screen that had appeared again.

    "How did I piss him off enough to have me blacklisted?" Wondering aloud, the answer suddenly strikes as obvious.

    "That old man from before! He got the owner all riled up to the point that any perceived rudeness would set him off!"

    Grumbling over his bad luck, Harold gives a sigh and continues on, ignoring the curious passersby.

    'Oh well, I just need to find a different shop to ask after the becoming a mage'

    Set on his path, Harold continues on without glancing back at the magic store left behind.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Alright, so that is current to where I am now, just trying to figure out how I should write the next segment.
     
  3. Introspective Tinkerer

    Introspective Tinkerer Searching for their Answer

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    Seems kind of forced. I mean the shopkeeper completely assumed someone he'd never met before was associated with a rude person.
    Then bans him because the guy got angry he smacked him in the back just because "he didn't greet him", which is a ridiculous reason to ban someone.
     
  4. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    Ah yeah, couldn't come up with a really good way to get that set up, from the game side perspective and from the novels, all the NPCs know about players as foreigners from the same place, and since this was the first day of the game being up, was gonna go with a lot of attitudes being decided on how interactions go with people.

    Though if it really seems too forced I can try and put in some more interaction to get it to flow better.

    Thanks for the feedback.
     
  5. Adyen

    Adyen Experienced.

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    Nice. LMS is on my "must check everyday for updates" list so I'm glad to see something about it.

    One thing:
    I actually think that this is not released to the public - if I remember correctly, this was a 'hidden' prize that the creator forced down he board's throat and was not publicized at all.

    Secondly, ya the ban was rather forced. NPCs in the game is pretty life-like, so he should expect his customers to be more interested in the books than him (like in real life). If anything, you might want to change it so that someone bumps into him and causes him to damage some of the books or something like that as a reason.
     
  6. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    Alright, I'll see about that.

    And I was pretty sure that it was mentioned as something that was announced? It's why so many people were willing to go to such lengths to play I think, such as BardRay and his whole MOB-feeding line his guild does for him.
     
  7. Adyen

    Adyen Experienced.

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    I would look it up, but with royalroadl.com disappearing, I can't find the chapter about that.

    But I'm pretty sure that it was not mentioned publicly that there is a prize for becoming emperor of the entire virtual world.
     
  8. Introspective Tinkerer

    Introspective Tinkerer Searching for their Answer

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    In fact, if the game is really realistic he should try get the guy to buy stuff while he isn't thinking clearly.
     
  9. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    So maybe switch over to mentioning an unbelievable prize being hyped up instead of outright saying what it is? Nobody can resist the mystery prize?

    Also, working on the magic shop scene right now, be on here in a bit.
     
  10. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The first thing to notice about the street had to be how isolated it was from the courtyard even just a few feet away from the entrance.

    Though it was much less crowded and quiet, there are still quite a few people coming and going, though in comparison there are quite a bit more NPCs here, easily able to be told apart at this time due to the plain starter clothes that every play begins with equipped in comparison to the variety of styles the NPCs owned.

    Just walking down the street, harold could not help but marvel at how life like their programming was. They would stop and chat, haggle over a street vendors wares, pine after items kept within windows of the front shops. There were even children running to and fro playing happily with one another.

    As he strolls down the street taking in the sites, a door is suddenly slammed open to let an old man out of a shop.

    “Damn NPCs don’t know who they’re talking to, so arrogant! I have half a mind to call Unicorn and getting a refund!” The old man in starter equipment grumbles loudly to himself and shoves his way past anyone in his way.

    Getting out of the mans way, Harold finds himself feeling curious over what could have set the fellow off.

    Walking over to the shop, he takes a peek into the display window.

    What greets his curious gaze are a variety of obviously magical items. A staff on prominent display, a large blue cloak hung up to the side on a wooden coat rack. A set of cauldron and various ingredients and measuring tools. But what catches his attention the quickest are the large and overfilled bookshelves lining the walls past the display case.

    Excited over finding such a good place to start so quickly Harold impatiently opens the door to and enters into the shop in one quick movement, having already completely forgotten what had drawn him to it in the first place.

    The front room is covered in books, having shelves filled with them lining each wall of the shop, he makes a beeline for the closest case and ignoring everything else.

    ‘This is just what I needed! There have to be books giving various explanations for how the magic system is in the game’

    As he is busy absorbed within his excited skimming of the titles of various books, a tall man in a dark blue robe appears from out of the back of the shop. Bald at the top of his head and wearing spectacles, he looks every bit the scholar or magician.

    Not paying attention, Harold doesn’t notice the man taking his place at the counter and begin observing him with a frown on his face.

    Taking down ‘General Herbalist Workbook’ to have a look. Replacing just as quickly when it is discovered to be on mundane gardening and gathering techniques.

    ‘So many different books here. I’ll have to come back after I have a better idea of the knowledge base available to the average character’

    The one manning the counter seems perturbed at the quick handling of one of his wares.

    ‘Days Of Yore’ seemed interesting at first glance, but just taking it out and skimming for a moment let him see it would require more than a quick look to get anything useful out of, being much too stuffy a tome,

    ‘Not as good of a choice outside of a deep reading, I bet it has all sorts of clues hidden inside it as to the history of this world beyond what was already published on the sites’

    HIs frown deepens as Harold takes his merchandise out just to skim and replace quickly.

    For this newest one in ‘Natural Husbandry’ Harold hadn’t expected much, but at the very least had thought it would be a basic bestiary instead of the farmer’s aide that it appeared to be.

    ‘Damn, lucked out, what is this book doing inside a magic store?’

    Clenching the counter with his hands the shopkeeper just seems to get more annoyed and angry with having Harold in his shop, seemingly not respecting the books that he handled, nor appearing to have intentions to buy the wares that he did handle.

    ‘Signs of the Mystic’ was the most promising yet!

    Harold reaches out and slides his fingers up the spine reverently, grabbing the top corner to slide the book out.

    -Slam!-
    The owners’ hand booms out on meeting his counter.

    “Stop just staring at my books! This isn’t a library so either buy or get lost!”

    Startled at the noise, the book drops from Harold’s light hold.

    As the book smacks onto the floor, the face of the store owner grows a brighter red and he starts stomping his way over to where Harold is standing.

    “Be more careful, you buffoon! Do you have any idea how much that volume cost me?”

    “Hey, I’m sorry but not only is the book fine…” Picking the book up and dusting it off to place it back.

    “It was your own damn fault that it fell, yelling out like that so suddenly”

    “What did you say? Blaming me for the damage you could have caused to a priceless piece of my own collection!”

    Poking his chest with a finger, he continues.

    “You have some nerve boy. I can’t have a no name like you destroying my shop! Now either buy something quickly or leave!”

    Taking offense, Harold is quick to counter.

    “You don’t even know me, how the hell do you get off for calling me a nobody!”

    “Then you better have something to back you up! I’ve already dealt with an arrogant foreigner once today and I have half a mind to never deal with one ever again!”

    “Oh yeah? Then name your challenge you scrooge of a merchant!”

    “That is it! I have had it with arrogant foreigners coming into my shop like they own the place! Until you have a name equal to Darius the Knowing, don’t you dare enter one of our buildings!”

    “What?”

    Before he could properly register exactly what has happened he is already sitting on his butt outside a slammed door.

    -Ttrring-

    *The Quest Darius’ Blacklisting has been created!*

    “The hell it did! Show Quest information!”

    [You have been barred from the Mages Guild by Darius the Knowing!]

    [Description: Darius is fed up with no nothing, no name foreigners coming into his store and acting arrogantly. He has blacklisted you from all Mages Guild establishments and affiliates until you gain a name as well known as his.]

    [Difficulty Level: F]

    [Requirements: Gain a level of Fame in excess of 100 before returning to Darius’ shop.]

    [Rewards: Given the book ‘Signs of the Mystic’
    Allowed access to Guild libraries up to the same level as Darius the Knowing]

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Alright, tell how you like this one, I decided to set it up as more of an actual arguement and have a good reason for why he would be suddenly banned from the Guild. Went with it being a quest, he could get rid of it but the rewards keeps him from doing so.
     
  11. Adyen

    Adyen Experienced.

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    Maybe mention that there were rumors of people selling items from the game for millions of dollars (not knowing that it actually was wons) instead?

    And the scene looks smoother, but it's lacking a bit. Maybe add how Harold got angry that a video-game NPC would have the nerve to say that kind of thing to a player and make that a small subplot that he eventually come to realize that even NPCs can react like real people with feelings etc?
     
  12. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    Maybe, but since this is at launch and before as it is being hyped up, the item trade wouldn't be nearly mainstream enough yet to be a draw. Though I will have to change that it outright states what the prize is.

    And yeah, I see what you mean in that it lacks depth. I will be going back over the scene again and trying to flesh out the emotions more. And I was planning on having him notice how real the NPCs could be as time went on, a couple are gonna be pretty major characters for a while.
     
  13. Adyen

    Adyen Experienced.

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    Well, don't forget that it was launched for nations outside of Korea later, so by the time that it would release in the US, it's actually a few months or more afterwards. It's mentioned when the execs were first checking for how close anyone is to the 'Throne'.
     
  14. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    Alright, thanks for all your help. I was actually planning to ignore that part, or at least never outright mention where exactly my character lives just to get passed it. But I guess it just comes across as American too easily. I have that scene a bit more fleshed out with more emotion now, I'll get to work on the next bit.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Harold reaches out and slides his fingers up the spine reverently, grabbing the top corner to slide the book out.

    -Slam!-

    The owners’ hand booms out on meeting his counter.

    “Stop just staring at my books! This isn’t a library so either buy, or get lost!”

    Startled at the noise, the book drops from Harold’s light hold.

    As the book smacks onto the floor, the face of the store owners face grows a bright red and he starts stomping his way over to where Harold is standing.

    “Be more careful, you buffoon! Do you have any idea how much that volume cost me?”

    Gesturing wildly and nearly spitting in his anger, he stares the taller Harold down.

    “Hey, I’m sorry but not only is the book fine…” Picking the book up and dusting it off to place it back.

    “It was your own damn fault that it fell, yelling out like that so suddenly!”

    Slamming the book back into place to emphasize his point, he ends in a yell back at the mage.

    ‘What kind of programming is this? I know they wanted them to be realistic, but did they have make them so needlessly antagonistic as well!’

    “What did you say? Blaming me for the damage you could have caused to a priceless piece of my own collection!”

    Biting out each word of his sermon, he makes sure to punctuate each point by trying his damndest to puncture Harolds shoulder with an outstretched finger.

    “You have some nerve boy. I can’t have a no name like you destroying my shop! Now either buy something quickly or leave!”

    Taking further offense, Harold is quick to counter while slapping the fools outstretched hand down.

    “You don’t even know me, how the hell do you get off for calling me a nobody!”

    ‘What it in the world was this NPCs’ programmer thinking when he made it like this!’

    Surprisingly, the owner grows an even brighter shade of red, hands clenched to his sides.

    “Then you better have something to back your claim up! I’ve already dealt with an arrogant foreigner once today and I have half a mind to never deal with one ever again!”

    “Oh yeah? Then name your challenge you scrooge of a merchant!” He can’t help but further argue.

    “That is it! I have had it with arrogant foreigners coming into my shop like they own the place! Until you have a name equal to Darius the Knowing, don’t you dare enter one of our buildings!”

    Suddenly, the newly announced Darius wrenches his clenched hands from his side, a glow beginning to form within his palms.

    “What?”
     
  15. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    So, I got done with the chapter, thank you very much for the advice. Here are the final parts so you can check it over if you wanted.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Before he could properly register exactly what has happened he is already sitting on his butt outside a slammed door.

    -Ttrring-

    *The Quest Darius’ Blacklisting has been created!*

    “The hell it did! Show Quest information!”

    [You have been barred from the Mages Guild by Darius the Knowing!]

    [Description: Darius is fed up with know-nothing, no-name foreigners coming into his store and acting arrogantly. He has blacklisted you from all Mages Guild establishments and affiliates until you gain a name as well known as his.]

    [Difficulty Level: F]

    [Requirements: Gain a level of Fame in excess of 100 before returning to Darius’ shop.]

    [Rewards: Given the book ‘Signs of the Mystic’
    Allowed access to Guild libraries up to the same level as Darius the Knowing]

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    After the surprising and spontaneous quest generation, Harold figured it would be best to go on a walk and cool down his head before properly thinking over the implications.

    Fighting back the urge to make a rude gesture, Harold gets himself up, brushes loose dirt from his person, and heads off after giving one last stern glance at the window.

    As he prepares to head out, some of the boys that had been playing stand off to the side laughing,

    "Wow, what did he do to get such rude treatment from the old magic guy!" One of the children asks of his friends in obvious humor.

    "Hahaha, did you see that?" One child is bent over, nearly unable to breath through his mirth.

    "Yeah! That foreigner just got totally thrown out by that old geezer!" Shouts one particular boy as loud as he could, drawing a reproachful gaze from an older, nearby girl who is busy shopping. The two bear a close resemblance.

    "Psst, hey, keep it down, you know how irritable that guy can get..." The girl warns.

    Doing his best to ignore the group of young kids nattering on as well as the offended and upturned noses of the older lady shoppers, Harold moves quickly to reach the end of the alley to a connecting street.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Time passes and the scenery changes beyond Harolds notice. By the time he had calmed down, he finds himself in the middle of a small and enclosed park next to a large and pure white cathedral.

    Heaving a sigh, he takes a seat against the large tree right in the center of the park.

    Staring up at the sky through the branches of the tree Harold finally begins to feel at peace.

    “Damn, I guess the noise was really getting to me again…”

    Bringing his head back down, folding his arms, he closes his eyes to focus on his thinking.

    ‘I really should have expected that, huh? I’ve always had trouble keeping calm and thinking things through when surrounded by people’

    “Gah, I really messed up in just jumping right in this” Grumbling under his breath, he continues on his train of thought.

    ‘There really are a lot more people on this than I had thought there would be. I was expecting a bit more time to relax before being tossed back into a big city kind of atmosphere like that’

    Giving off a snort in wry amusement.

    ‘Still, why was that NPC so freaking irritated like that? I barely did anything before he just snapped’

    Grumbling to himself and mulling it over in his mind.

    ‘Did that pissed off old man that left before I came in have anything to do with it? I didn’t think the AI would be so advanced as to be able to transfer grudges and annoyance like that..’

    “Maybe…”

    He mutters, before trailing off into silence.

    ‘Guess I’ll need to pay more attention and try and keep my cool in the future. May not matter since they’re not real, but that just means what they say shouldn’t matter to me to begin with!’

    Happy to come to a good conclusion, his eyes snap open.

    “Now that I think of it, that may even have been a good thing!”

    Sudden outburst, a bird that had taken to resting within the branches above startled and fluttered off.

    ‘I mean, I got a quest out of it, and the rewards looked pretty good, a book I was interested in to begin with and a way to enter the Mages Guild member libraries! I don’t really know the difference that could make yet, but just having such a contrived way of starting this quest must mean it’ll be pretty good’

    Starting to get fired up, he is quick to stand.

    ‘Now what did I need to do to complete this quest again? I was too mad and astonished to pay too much attention’

    “Show quest requirements”

    Having given the command, a transparent blue screen appears in front of him.

    [Requirements: Gain a level of Fame in excess of 100 before returning to Darius’ shop.]

    “Wait a minute..”

    Displaying a confused face, he continues.

    “How in the world am I going to get 100 fame!” Shouting this out.

    “From what everywhere I looked said, you need to work your butt off to even get a couple points of fame from each quest! How am I supposed to get that much just from doing quests stuck in a city like this!”

    Suddenly catching himself becoming annoyed and on the way to angry yet again, Harold is quick to force calm back over himself again.

    “Damn, I’ll have to leave this for after I get passed the month long ban then”

    He can only release a sigh in exasperation.

    “Nothing to do about it, I’ll just have to check with other stores for information on magic and ask after becoming a mage first. After that I can get to work on gathering the needed fame”

    Saying such, Harold had his course decided and heads out to find a different magic shop than the one owned by Darius.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Being as he had chosen the Britten Alliance for the prevalence of magic users and mages, it did not take long before he found what he was looking for.

    [You have been barred from the Mages Guild by Darius the Knowing!]

    But as soon as he tried to open the door, a screen popped up in front of his face and his hand slipped from the handle no matter how much pressure he applied.

    “What in the…?”

    Startled, Harold keeps trying to open the door, failing each time.

    “That couldn’t possibly mean” A horrifying realisation just begins to dawn upon him.

    Spinning around, he rushes past a person on their way to the door he had just vacated.

    “Watch it, fool!”

    Harold ignores the harsh rebuke and continues on with an intense focus.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A grey haired man sits slumped on a bench outside of a large wooden hall as the sun begins to set.

    Looking haggard and holding his face with his hand, he gives off an aura of depression.

    ‘How could they all be part of the Mages Guild…..’

    Heaving out a breath, Harold raises his hand and intones.

    “Show Quest Log”

    *Quests Undertaken*
    *-Darius’ Blacklisting*

    ‘I guess I know why it’s called a blacklisting now… Not a one of them would let me in’

    As Harold wallows in pity, there is a clattering of steps as someone rushes down the street.

    “Haaaaah!”

    Giving out an echoing yell, a young blonde haired man in beginners garb appears from further down the lane.

    “You better be where you said you would Old Man!”

    Shouting out, the young man sprints the last bit up to the large wood doors of the hall.

    “I made it here before sundown! Now get out here and train me you miserable old coot!”

    And immediately giving off rude commands, he begins pounding on the doors.

    Just as he is about to strike one of the doors once more, the opposite one slams open.

    “You Fool!”

    A grizzled looking old war dog pounces out and smacks the young blonde down to the ground.

    “Keep it down you idiot! Some people are trying to rest in peace!”

    Rubbing his head the young man climbs back onto his feet.

    “Ouch… You didn’t need to hit me so hard!”

    And immediately sets in with childish complaints.

    “‘Sides, you told me to come here you senile old fart! I got it all done and made back before sunset!”

    Just as he had said, the sun was indeed barely still above the horizon.

    “Hmph, so you did”

    Moving to the side he holds the door open.

    “What are you waiting for, an engraved invitation? Get in there and begin!”

    Giving a shout of excitement, the young man rushes past and into the building.

    Snorting, the older is about to turn around and enter after him as well when he notices the gloomy existence haunting the front of his hall.

    “Oi, Kid”

    Surprised to be addressed, Harold raises his head.

    “Yeah I’m talking about you, what the hell you doing moping around like that, the young should be energetic like that fool”

    The scarred old man speaks down, before breaking off into barely audible grumbles over moping around in front of a place like the hall.

    “Oh, sorry about this, I’ll leave properly now”

    Quickly standing, he moves to leave.

    “Now who the hell said anything about you needing to leave! Get over here and tell me what the hell got you so damn depressed”

    Growing somewhat angry, the man moves surprisingly quickly in order to keep Harold from leaving.

    Heaving a sigh, Harold gives up on just leaving, preferring not to have a confrontation in his state.

    “Alright, alright, I’ll talk with you, can I come in to speak? I’d rather not give a whole explanation in the middle of the street and you won’t let me leave…”

    Satisfied, the older fellow leads Harold into the building. and as he closes the door the last ray of sun disappears as the sun finally sets.
     
  16. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    Alright, hope I didn't bore everyone off, here are the first two parts of my third chapter. Let me know of anything you think should be changed.


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    'Tok'

    A grey haired man strikes enemy before him once before quickly pulling back.

    ‘Tok’

    And with a burst of frantic energy, he attacks again from a different angle.

    But-

    “Toooohrraaahh!”

    As he tries to retreat from his renewed assault, a sudden shout blares throughout the area and he trips over a foot that suddenly stumbles from the surprise.

    “Damnit!”

    He exclaims and quickly scrambles back up to his feet and gets back into a ready stance, sword held in one hand and slightly to the side.

    Glaring at his opponent and tensing up.

    “Hah, gonna have to do better than that my friend!”

    And just as quickly turning and throwing his blade at the interloper who had interrupted so rudely.

    “Hahaha!”

    The blonde haired youth nearly collapses in his humor, stopping his own strokes at the scarecrow in front of him so as to use his wooden sword to hold himself upright with it. The thrown training weapon had veered off and struck the scarecrow to the side of him.

    [Your endurance has increased by one! +1 VIT]

    “Gah! Why the hell would I get it from that?”

    Hurriedly swiping the notice out of the way, he continues glaring at the one next to him.

    “And you!”

    Pointing suddenly, Harold releases a proclamation.

    “You have no room to make fun of others with your crazy decisions!”

    Having finished with his laughing fit, the blonde stood back up.

    “Huh? What are you talking about? I just do as a warrior is supposed and put my all behind mastery of the sword!”

    Slightly confused, he scratches at his head.

    “What I’m doing is getting used to moving and attacking at the same time, what you’re doing is just being stupid and yelling as loud as you can when you strike, it hurts my ears and ruins my concentration damnit!”

    Harold is quick to retort with some heat.

    “Hmph! Shows what you know. I strike with all force available within my body, and I shout to bring forth my warrior’s soul and amplify my blows!”

    Boastfully announcing his view, he continues on.

    “Unlike you who jump here and there and clumsily throwing your sword around, I’m working to master a single strike! When I am finished with this training none shall stand in my way, and all will be felled in a single strike!”

    Heaving a sigh, Harold backs out of the brewing argument.

    “I’m taking a break now, so I’ll leave you to get back to work. I don’t feel like arguing.”

    Having said as much the gray haired man turns his back and makes his exit from main training area filled with many training dummies and the one blonde young man that used it at all hours.

    "You'll never become a fantastic warrior like myself with such low dedication!"

    With that parting remark, the blonde returns to his position in front of a scarecrow, raising his sword high overhead in a two handed grip and prepares to strike.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Hmmm."

    A scared face is held deep in thought, a pipe held to it's mouth.

    The owner is an older man, many scars covering his form. He sits on a bench outside of a large wooden building, smoking peacefully as he gazes out on the large and enclosed town.

    With a 'puff', he releases the smoke held within slowly in a slight cloud.

    As the grizzled old man relaxes in contemplation on the shaded bench, the large wooden doors of the training hall swing open slowly.

    Harold leaves the building, the double doors smoothly closing behind him.

    He takes a deep breath and basks in the warmth provided by the sun, soothing the feeling of exhaustion within his body.

    'Surprising that they would include this feeling... But at least it leaves quickly and with only a short rest'

    Closing his eyes, raising his head, and ignoring how others would see him, standing right outside of the street so deep in thought, Harold luxuriates in the various feelings he never expected to have inside the game.

    'The feeling of being tired physically leaves quickly and directly relates to my stamina bar, but mental fatigue still builds up and is based on my actual abilities to handle stress and activity instead of the game statistics...'

    Scrunching up his face in concentration, Harold is so lost in thought that he misses the slight and muffled cough of amusement coming from nearby.

    'This is definitely something I will need to keep in mind in the future'

    As he goes deeper and deeper into his own mind, he completely misses the quiet grunt of exertion and steady and calm steps clattering against the stone road.

    'No matter if I am fine when it comes to the amount of Health, Stamina, and Magic Points that I have left, if I try to keep moving and fighting continuously in combat situations, I’ll start making mistakes frequently,even though my body is perfectly fine. Mental condition will definitely hold a greater importance after I get out of the city walls'

    ‘Thud’

    Interrupting his chain of thought, Harold stumbles forward half a step under the sudden impact of a hand onto his shoulder.

    “It’s no good to lose yourself in the middle of the road"

    Slightly confused at the interruption or not, Harold regains his mental footing.

    “Ah, yeah, sorry about that, sir. You would think I would know better than to stand in front of a door for so long…”

    Turning around and stepping to the side so as to leave space he had occupied in front of the door he responds with respect to the instructor.

    ‘Even if it’s only that idiot in there’

    Muttering a complaint under his breath, he is still quick to give his full attention to the older man.

    “Hmph, I know your type, always lost in the clouds. To survive in this world you need to keep a keen eye to your surroundings at all times!”

    Giving a stomp in emphasis with his walking stick, his expression clears from his usual frown in satisfaction at having Harold’s full attention.

    “Still, have you come to a decision on that matter? I’ve given the night you requested to mull it over”

    Giving a small inclination of his head, the instructor leads Harold back over to the bench he had vacated as he speaks.

    “Yeah, even if it pisses me off doing it, I really do need to learn to fight and the training I’ll be able to complete at your hall will only help me in the future”

    Taking a pause to help the old instructor sit on the bench they had finally reached, Harold continues on from his own place seated on the stone bench shaded by a large tree.

    “I just have some doubts at being able to actually finish the program, aiming for a mage class is partly due to my lack of affinity towards serious physical activity. The few hours I’ve spent working this morning are about as much as I could stand!”

    Before the rising panic is able to build further, the instructor waves a hand in front of him, cutting off the building stream and forcing Harold to stop and take a calming breath.

    “Calm yourself, as long as you are willing to put in but these small few hours you have worked every day, you will be able to complete the training.”

    The older man assures, before continuing on with his explanation.

    “You don’t need to worry on finishing the program so hurriedly, even the most fervent of my students have needed months to complete it”

    Having regained himself, Harold heaves a sigh and stares back up at the sky through the leaves of the towering tree above.

    Closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth provided by the few rays to make it through the foliage, he finds himself remembering his previous conversation with the elder who sat besides him.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
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  17. Adyen

    Adyen Experienced.

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    It's a bit jarring.

    I understand the implication that he's training with the man from the previous chapter, but we don't have any other information like the motivations or reasons why he's doing this. What does he get out of this? How was he convinced? I highly doubt that he's as 'dedicated' to RR like Weed.

    All we get from this second part is that he hit scarecrows and doubts he can finish the training. It needs more even if this was not a standalone chapter as it has no reason why it exists or buildup to anything.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2014
  18. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    I was planning to go the whole flashback angle for the next part, but if it's too jarring I can put the scene in the front and have the rest of this shown after. And this only a small part of this chapter, would be a bit much to expect this to hold up alone like it. Thanks for the feedback.

    The big thing I'm aiming for is to establish his character more firmly, not all that active as normally, but able to put in the work if needed. The flashback scene was going to be meant to establish the reason for him doing this, and the last scene to make him focus on keeping it in mind as well as not trying so hard and burning out.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2014
  19. Adyen

    Adyen Experienced.

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    Well, in that case you might want to finish the chapter first. But I still think it's a bit jarring to see such a long training monologue without a reason.

    Maybe you want to put the flashback in the middle of this instead? Something like:

    "With that parting remark, the blonde returns to his position in front of a scarecrow, raising his sword high overhead in a two handed grip and prepares to strike. Harold sighed and recalled why he's doing this in the first place..."

    to start into the flashback sequence?
     
  20. Berserkslash

    Berserkslash Happiest. Fucking. Lizard.

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    So lead out into the flashback to provide more context and then go into the extra talk with then old guy? Or would it be better to skip passed it.
     
  21. Adyen

    Adyen Experienced.

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    The former is fine because then we have context to the motivations of why he's doing it, and you can use the extra talk with the old man as characterization as well as him setting a goal for himself that he can work towards.