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SOLR Storms; A RWBY Fic

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Metroidwave, Aug 15, 2016.

?

Should I post the character sheets?

Poll closed Aug 20, 2016.
  1. Yes

    2 vote(s)
    100.0%
  2. No

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. Threadmark: Sunrise
    Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    About 3 years ago, a friend of mine told me that fan characters could be accepted into RWBY canon. Together we created team SOLR, each creating 2 members. Plotting out a (very) vague story, we made our first attempt at giving life to our characters on RWBYforum. It wasn't very good. This time, I'm doing the writing solo, as my friend's busy with script writing another project of ours.

    EDIT: We've begun to work together again. My co-writer's Angel Morningstar

    Anyways, some important points I feel should be brought up:
    1. This is meant to take place in the background of the actual canon, so main characters won't show up very prominently.
    2. I made character sheets with physical descriptions of the cast, but they contain spoilers for future plans. I'm going to put it to a vote whether I post these.

    Character Sheets:
    Sol Silver
    Saffron O'Ryan
    Lavendel Aerztin
    Ray Marks

    Alright, enough stalling. The fic.
    ------------​
    As Saffron O’Ryan was propelled over the trees of the Emerald Forest, she took a moment to observe the terrain beneath her, her eyes scanning for any points of interest. She soon caught sight of some form of stone structure, contrasting against the vibrant green of the treetops, so different from the desert of her home.

    That must be where these ‘relics’ are located, O’Ryan thought, Should be easy enough to reach if I know what direction it’s in.

    This line of thought was cut off as she noticed a fellow student plow through a small Nevermore. Seeing this brought a small smile to her face, before it returned to neutral. It took O’Ryan a moment to realize she had lost sight of her destination.

    Damn birds! Even when they die they manage to screw me over. As she began to lose altitude, O’Ryan flipped a switch within her arm cannon, causing a whip to protrude from the barrel. She flicked it towards a tree branch. O’Ryan wasn’t too worried about it breaking, after all, it was a steel cable. She forgot that the branch it was wrapped around was not, and on her downswing, it snapped. As she picked herself up, O’Ryan started in the direction she thought the relics were.
    ------------​
    As O’Ryan stalked through the trees, she was becoming less certain that this was the proper direction, though she was still fairly certain she could reach before anyone else if she was right.

    After all, O’Ryan thought, Everyone else will be searching for a partner before the relic. All a partner would do is slow me down. I mean, I didn’t get this far by relying on others.

    So wrapped up in her thoughts, she took a full five seconds to notice the Beowolf in her path. Skidding to a stop, O’Ryan noticed something peculiar. The Beowolf was facing away from her. Not questioning her good fortune, O’Ryan fired five rounds rapidly into the back of the beast’s skull. As the creature slumped to the ground, O’Ryan noticed what it had been so focused upon. Another student was staring at her, and Samantha met their gaze with a condescending look.

    “Thanks. Direct combat has never been my forte. I’m more of a support kinda guy.”

    O’Ryan continued to glare at the new arrival.

    “So, My name’s Lavendel Aerztin. Lavi for short. What’s yours?”

    O’Ryan said nothing, hoping this ‘Lavi’ would get the hint and leave.

    “Well, that’s kinda rude. I just figured introductions were in order since we’re going to be partners now”

    O’Ryan blinked, then her left eye started to twitch slightly. She took a breath to calm down, and resumed her initial course. Lavi followed behind, trying to keep pace with his new companion.
    ------------​
    Sol Silver raised Phantasm, barely in time to fend off the Taijitu’s second head. As its fang’s glanced off the shield, Sol swung Fiona towards the Grimm, decapitating it with a horizontal slash. Sheathing his sword, he did a quick once-over of himself, noting how much of his Aura remained.

    Around three quarters. All things considered, that could have gone worse. Satisfied that he wasn’t in any immediate danger, Sol turned to continue searching for a partner.

    After all, it’s not like it’s a race. There’ll be time enough to grab a relic. His search was interupted when a sharp cracking sound filled the air. Sol spun, searching for the source of the noise.

    A tree had snapped in half after being impacted by an Ursa. A heavily armored golden humanoid was advancing towards the downed Grimm.

    An Atlesian Knight? No, too bulky for a knight, not to mention the garish color scheme.

    The newcomer suddenly changed colors, becoming a mishmash of hues. Noticing the shock of scarlet hair atop the stranger’s head, Sol realized it was another student, albeit one wearing more armor than a bullhead. Said student promptly heaved a sigh of relief, the armor’s mouthplate retracting. Repositioning his goggles on his head, he spun, catching sight of Sol. He walked over, grabbing Sol’s hand.

    “Hi! I’m Ray. Nice to meetcha. Noticed you killed a Taijitsu. I think we’d be good partners. What about you?”

    “....Please let go of my hand”

    “No. Now, to the temple!”

    With this, Ray turned, mouthplate sliding into place, and dashed forward, Sol in tow.
    ------------​
    So that's a thing...​
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2017
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  2. Lazurman

    Lazurman Top Snek

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    Not bad. Better than a lot of the crap out there. If this is background to canon, then we won't be seeing too much of our favorite girls, but that's okay.

    Now, I like what I see, but I did notice a few grammar errors that stuck out. Missing punctuation mostly, with a few spelling errors. Just something to keep an eye on, too many of those can turn off some readers.

    Here's to hoping you can weave a tale that'll stand the test of time!

    Also, upon noticing the tags... I demand a hug!
     
  3. Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    *hugs*

    Thanks. That means a lot to me. I have the general character arcs planned out through the end of volume 3, with one 'filler' plotline that can wedged any where in what I now think of as 'the Beacon Trilogy'.

    EDIT: Don't actually have one for Ray. I'd ask for suggestions, but that should probably wait til after chapter 2. And the character sheets. The voters have spoken unanimously so far. Both of them. So I'll start to put the finishing touches on the sheets. Any have ideas for symbols?
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2016
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  4. Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    I'm just gonna call the vote now. Still Unanimous. Still only two votes. Just ignore that it's still open. It'll close by Saturday.

    I've put up Ray's character sheet. O'Ryan's should be next. Just putting the finishing touches on that one.

    I don't have an estimate for the other two. My friend's the one who created them, and as such, I'd like to get his approval rather than just finishing the sheets on my own.
     
  5. Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    So my freind just powered through Lavi and Sol's write-ups, so I'll have those up within an hour hopefully. I would like to know what you guys think so far, though

    EDIT: Done
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2016
  6. Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    The last sheet is up and the team is now complete. Now, to finish chapter 2.
     
  7. Threadmark: Sunrise Pt. 2
    Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    I meant for this one to be longer, but I didn't realize how little time I have now that I've started working.

    ---------​
    “Annnnd, out of Aura.”
    Ray turned to face his companion, a manic grin on his face.
    “Guess you’ll be doing most of the combat from here.”
    “How is your Aura already depleted!? You haven’t taken a hit since we met up!”
    Sol was flabbergasted, uncertain how Ray had managed to drain his Aura in such a short time.
    “Easy. My semblance. It does consume a lot of Aura, but I think the results speak for themselves.”
    Ray gestured at the trail of destruction he had left in his wake, Grimm carcasses already beginning to disintegrate.
    “Besides, even without Aura, I can still help out.”
    Ray’s shoulder pads began to unfold, reconfiguring into handheld firearms, one red and the other blue with yellow highlights.
    “I’ll provide covering fire, you hit ‘em with your sword ‘til they die. Ready, break!”
    Ray began to sprint off once more before stopping and gesturing to follow. Sighing, Sol drew Fiona, keeping on guard as the duo continued through the forest.

    ------------
    Where is it?!? I know our objective is here, now where is the damned thing?!
    O’Ryan wasn’t having a good day. She’d been searching for the temple for almost 30 minutes, but hadn’t found any sign of it. The Grimm weren’t helping matters.
    Why is it that they’re all targeting me!?! I must have killed at least 50 creeps by now, but none of them even glanced at Lavi!
    Suddenly, an Ursa emerged from the shrubbery to her right, charging into Saffron. She went flying from the impact. Furious at herself for letting down her guard, O’Ryan rolled upon hitting the ground, getting back on her feet. As she readied her weapon, she took notice of something.
    The Ursa wasn’t moving.

    Cautiously, she eyed the beast, not quite sure what had happened. She was wary of making any reckless moves, as at this point, luck was most assuredly not on her side.
    “Well? Take your shot. It’s going to wear off soon.”

    Saffron turned, seeing Lavi holding what appeared to some of crossbow, before turning once more to the Grimm, and opening fire.

    ------------​

    I'm gonna shoot for weekly updates, though between work and college, I may be a day or two behind.

    Whatever

    Any advice/comments/ideas are welcome.


     
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  8. Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    Unfortunately, I haven't been able to finish chapter 3. I intend to get it done before the weekend, and get chapter 4 out on time. I refuse to abandon this after only 2 chapters. I shall not disappoint my readers!

    Either of them!

    There might be 3, but I'm certain there's at least 2.
     
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  9. Threadmark: Sunrise Pt. 3
    Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    Chapter 3. It's kinda short, but I've been short on time these past two weeks.

    God damn college orientation


    ------------​
    “I can see signs of Grimm up ahead. Here’s hoping your bite can back up your bark.”

    “Don’t you worry, I’ll handle ‘em.”

    Sighing, Sol continued to move forward. It’s not that he didn’t trust Ray to live up to his own hype, it’s just…..

    Well, okay, that’s exactly why he was being more cautious.

    His caution proved worthwhile when his lupine ears picked up something approaching at high speed. Sol raised his shield, just in time to deflect the Boarbatusk that came hurtling from the shrubbery, sending him reeling.

    It impacted the ground, more annoyed than hurt. Getting to its feet, the Boarbatusk once more shot at him. Not having time to block once more Sol rolled to the side, letting the creature impact a tree.

    The Boarbatusk recovered once more, only to be thrown off balance by an explosive projectile. Sol pulled out Midnight, latching onto the tree to close the gap, before thrusting his weapon into the swine’s underbelly.

    Sol looked over to Ray, giving him a small smile, and nodding as a gesture of thanks.

    ------------​
    As far as Stephon Monochrom was concerned, this had been a good day.

    Found a partner, got to the temple, made it back. Easy. I doubt anyone’s still searching for it.

    He looked over at his partner, a girl with alabaster hair and armor to match.

    “So, Aria, how’s it feel to be at the top of the class, the first pair to make it back?”

    Steph’s partner, Aria Ivory, took a moment to respond, speaking in a quiet voice.

    “Fine, I guess.”

    Stephon grinned, reclining back in his chair

    It’s good to be the king.
    ------------
    I wanted to get around to introducing some of the supporting characters, and I'm starting with these two.

    While SOLR is based on game characters, team GLAS, as they'll come to be known, is anime characters, though Aria has a bit of outside influence in terms of armor design.

    Any guesses as to the inspiration?

    Anyways, shooting to have part 4 out by Sunday.
     
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  10. Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    I'd like to star by saying it's not my fault this time.

    My younger brother was using my laptop for SWTOR, and I couldn't bring myself to kick him off since he got off the XBone so I could play Doom.

    Update tomorrow. Probably.

    Maybe.

    I really need to get some sort of work ethic....
     
  11. Threadmark: Sunrise Pt. 4
    Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    Chapter 4, ready to read. Please give comments/questions/criticisms.

    Seriously. The thread's 10 posts, and 9 of them are me.

    Suggestions and Omakes are also welcome.

    ------------​


    As far as O’Ryan was concerned, the day was going poorly.

    HOW HAVE I NOT FOUND IT YET!? HOW!?!?

    “We’re going in circles”

    Having caught her attention, O’Ryan spun towards Lavi, shooting him a glare.

    “That’s the fifth time we’ve passed this tree. I’ve been keeping tally”

    Lavi gestured to several score marks in the bark to emphasize his point.

    god fucking damn it

    ------------​

    “Found it!”

    “Ray, you’ve said that twice already. It better be the temple this time”

    Thankfully, the pair had indeed reached their goal. Among the stone ruins were 24 pillars, most empty, though a few were holding oversized chess pieces. Ray grabbed the closest piece, an ebony pawn, without a second thought.

    “Alright, let’s get going! Which way’s the exit?”

    “....”

    ------------
    “Maybe I should lead from here”

    Saffron gave Lavi a glare.

    “Well, we tried it your way. It didn’t work.”

    Her glare intensified. In response, Lavi shrugged his shoulders and resumed the search.

    After a moment, O’Ryan followed.

    ------------
    “So if we were launched upwards from a cliff, then if we go the opposite direction, we'll arrive at the start. Up is North, so then down would be South. The exit is to the Southwest! You got a compass?”

    Sol was too busy trying to make sense of Ray’s ‘logic’ to notice the rustling of foliage, as it parted to let another partnership through. One of which Ray recognized.

    “Lavi? Where have you been? I was looking for you! And who’s your friend?”

    “First, you said you’d send up a flare when you landed,”

    “Sorry, forgot to bring one”

    “And second, I have no idea. She isn’t very talkative. The quiet’s been a nice change of pace.”

    At this point, O’Ryan took note of the chess pieces, grabbing one of the few remaining.

    “So, do you know how we get out of here?”

    “That depends. You have a compass?”
    ------------​
     
  12. Threadmark: Sunrise Pt. 5
    Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    I think I'm done with regular updates. This plot arc took me far longer than I anticipated to finish. I meant for this to be two chapters. I'll still update, just around the general time of every other week as opposed to every Sunday.

    ------------​
    O’Ryan was starting to doubt her chances of success.
    This ‘Ray’ was busy fiddling with a bullet, helped by Lavi. They were apparently attempting to fashion a makeshift compass. She very much doubted that would be any help. The ‘logic’ she’d overheard from this newcomer gave her a migraine just thinking about it.
    The other one, the faunus, she’d heard him called ‘Sol’, on the other hand…
    He seemed to be sizing up the situation, taking stock of resources on hand. Making a plan to get back to Beacon. Saffron decided that he was probably her best bet of reaching the academy, so she waited.
    “Can any of you track Aura?”
    At that moment, O’Ryan understood the entire plan. At this point, they had to be among the last few still in the forest. Most of the other students would have reached the exit, and by pinpointing their direction, their ragtag group could determine where the exit was.
    With this, O’Ryan activated her semblance, eyes shifting in a disorienting fashion until they settled on Aura. The world was now a collection of ill-defined shapes, all somewhat transparent and dark in color. In the distance, however, she could see several points of light, glowing brightly through the haziness of her surroundings. O’Ryan opened her mouth to inform her companions when an explosion sounded directly in front of her.
    Saffron quickly returned to the visible spectrum to see what asine plan Ray had put into motion…
    Oh for FUCKS sake
    In front of her was a horde of Creeps. A massive group, though a few had been reduced to slurry.
    Why? Just, why?
    “This is what happens when you always have such a negative attitude. You should be more cheerful!”
    O’Ryan paused to give her partner a glare, before opening fire. She gunned down quite a few as the swarm charged, before switching to melee combat, smacking the Grimm with her whip.
    Ray rushed in, blowing a hole in the Creeps with an explosive, before Soulboosting and reverting to fisticuffs as well. Lavi backed him up, his crossbow having reverted back into a tubular device, feeding Ray a steady stream of Aura to sustain this.

    Sol used his grappling device to get behind the Creeps, catching the beasts off guard and dispatching several before the were able to react. But there were still many more still in the skirmish….

    ----------​

    “Geranium Wrack, Lucina Juno, Aria Ivory, Stephon Monochrom. The four of you retrieved the white king piece. From this day forward, you will work together as team GLAS, led by Geranium Wrack.”
    The newly formed GLAS exited the stage, as a battered and worn Sol, O’Ryan, Lavi, and Ray entered.
    “Sol Silver, Saffron O’Ryan, Lavendel Aerztin, Ray Marks. The four of you retrieved the black pawn piece. From this day forward, you will work together as team SOLR, led by Sol Silver.”
    Sol looked baffled by this turn of events, unsure of how to respond. Then Lavi broke the silence.

    “So that’s what your name is. Probably should have guessed it was something orange.”

    ----------​

    I have learned I can't write fight sequence well. Any one wants to take a shot at it, go ahead. If I like it, it's canon.​
     
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  13. Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    It's not dead!

    YAY!

    While I was gone, I learned many things:
    1. I need a proof reader/someone to bounce ideas off of. Any volunteers?
    2. There's a good chance Akira Toriyama has bugged my phone. It can't be coincidence that everything I discuss over the phone has shown up in DBS.
    3. BigBoom550 has no plans to continue the WLGYL series. *cries*
    4. There is a Transformer called Saitama Prime.
    5. No one here seemed to have much interest in my TF Cybertron quest, so that's been moved to SB.

    You read that right. Saitama Prime is a thing.

    Working on the next arc. Should have the first part posted soon. In terms of timeline, we're somewhere between Volume 1 and 2.

    (Does anyone still read this? Lazurman, you there?)
     
  14. Lazurman

    Lazurman Top Snek

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    *wags tail*

    I'm still here!
     
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  15. SpadeofPain

    SpadeofPain Making the rounds.

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    GLORIOUS FELLOW NOVICE WRITER (though I have yet to do anything on a website, sharing poetry was always easier...) YOU HONOR US WITH YOUR CONTINUED EFFORTS!
     
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  16. Threadmark: Movers and Shakers (but mostly Movers)
    Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    THEY DO CARE!

    ...ahem

    Thank you. Thank you all.

    ------------​
    "A little to left. No, your left! Wait, wait, my mistake. My left."

    Moving into the dorm had it's share of.... difficulties.

    First and foremost, a lack of space. While O'Ryan and Sol didn't have many material possessions, Ray and Lavi did.

    Lavi had his equipment, a desk and various glass containers of multiple shapes and sizes.

    Ray had brought a horde of assorted knickknacks. Gaming devices, power tools, and his so-called 'Collectibles' (action figures) filled the majority of his luggage, with only a single bag of clothes.

    Currently, Lavi was attempting to optimize what space they had. Since Ray was the only one around, he was helping.

    "So, like, here-ish?"
    "No, the other wall. No, not that one, the other other wall. Why is this so difficult?"

    "Ray? Lavi? Why is the doorway blocked by beds?"

    "S'NOT MY FAULT! HE TOLD ME TO PUT 'EM THERE!"

    "LIAR!"​
    ------------​
    A few hours later everything was finally... well not 'settled' but the team had moved in. Lavi's gear was against the right wall, Ray's stuff messily piled atop a table and several shelves.

    The others had gone to sleep, but Ray remained awake, tapping away his scroll.

    Just about done, only the finishing touches left.​
    ------------​
    So, this was interlude while I work on the next arc. I have a rough draft written by my co-author, and need to make some edits. Unfortunately, I have to balance college and work, so my time is limited.

    Have some behind the scenes information while you wait.

    Ray is basically based on myself. Specifically, my need for attention, and my constant desire to be remembered. To this end, he acts quirky, attempting to make a lasting impression on those he meets. Hell, this entire fic was borne of this notion. When I heard that fan characters may become canon, I started to put together team SOLR, creating Ray Geary and Samantha O'Ryan. A friend of mine, the aforementioned co-author, had made his own team, team Switch. I don't remember the abbreviation. I asked for his help, and he brought over one of his characters, Sparrow Omega. Needing a fourth, I asked him for suggestions. He threw out the medic, and Leon Rictoff Jenkins was born.

    Yeah, all the names were changed at one point or another.

    Well, that's all for now.

    What is Ray working on? Whatever happened to team GLAS?

    Does Prime die? And what is the secret of the evil planet Unicron?

    Find out next time, on Dragonball Z SOLR Storms!


    *sigh*

    It's just not gonna be the same on this board without Tele.​
     
  17. Threadmark: High Noon Pt. 1
    Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    So, I decided to ask BigBoom550 why he was discontinuing his quest. His answer makes sense, and it was his choice to end it, just as it is my choice to keep writing. To continue this fiction not because of the changes in what RWBY has become, but in spite of it. I've put too much of my heart into this project, and I will see it through to the end.

    That, and I really, really, hate unfinished stories. Ever since Bionicle first ended, leaving serials unfinished, stuck in a perpetual limbo.

    Anyways, onto the update, written by my co-author., edited by me. If he ever gets an account here, I'll mention him in the first post.


    ------------

    He was panting heavily, leaning on his sword for support.
    “You alright there boss?” a deep voice inquired behind him.
    “Why, you need me to carry you?” he replied between gasps. The voice let out a laugh.
    “No, but I think Jack and Will might need some help.”
    “What are you on about, Howard!? I could go another 3 days of this and still have enough stamina to beat your bony ass to the curb!” another voice, this one female, interjected.
    “We’re all good, Boss!” a third voice confirmed.
    “OK then…” he responded and trailed off. “Wait...Boss-?”


    An explosion jolted Sol from his slumber. He quickly sat up, weapon in-hand and pointed at the origin of the noise.

    “Damn it! I broke another one!” Ray leaned back in his chair and stared at the small crater in his work table.

    Sol stared for a second before shaking his head to wake himself.

    “Ah, you’re up!” Ray noticed Sol and got to his feet.

    “What were you doing? What time is it? Where are Lavi and O’Ryan?”

    “I was testing a new weapon concept, it is currently 8:58 and they left for class. Why?”

    Sol looked outside their window at the sun. Sure enough, it was almost 9 o’clock on the nose.
    “Ray, I’m in a bad mood.”


    “You have other moods, Sunshine?”

    “Call me that again and you’re gonna find out.”

    ------------
    Geranium Wrack, leader of the newly formed Team GLAS wasn’t quite sure what was going on. Half of team SOLR had arrived late. The other two had already taken their seats.

    Why wouldn’t they have gone as a group?

    Sol claimed Ray had made an explosive out of his alarm clock. Needless to say, Goodwitch was skeptical of this claim.

    “A farfetched story gentlemen. If you’re not going to tell me what you were really up to, then I suggest you take your seats as well as your punishment. Both of you will stay after class to receive additional homework.”

    “S’not my fault! Our ‘fearless leader’ decided to try getting seconds in the cafeteria.”

    Glynda, unimpressed, continued to glare and pointed to their seats.

    Sol walked over and sat down, clearly pissed. Ray followed, plopping down next to him.

    “Way to go Sol, you and your big stomach.”

    Sol eyed his partner, left hand clenching and unclenching repeatedly.

    Geranium rolled her eyes.
    At least we'll look better by comparison.


    ------------
    So begins a new plot arc. Now then, more behind-the-scenes.

    SOLR was always meant to be the underdogs, a team with a bad reputation. They were mostly known for collateral damage. Since 3 out of the 4 were to be heavily introverted, and the remaining 1 giving the appearance of being a tad deranged, others generally disliked them.

    Only later did I realize that on some level, I was doing my damnedest to keep them from being Mary Sues. Hell, Ray, the closest to a self-insert character, is the least-most useful member of the team.


    So, thoughts? Ideas? Omakes? Anything?

    I also am still looking for someone to bounce ideas off of.


     
  18. Threadmark: High Noon Pt. 2
    Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    Well, I'm on break from school until like January 2nd, so I should be able to get more done. Probably.

    ------------​
    “Let the record show, this was your fault. If you’d followed my lead, we wouldn’t have extra work!” Ray stated as they walked through the courtyard.

    Sol trudged forward, doing his damnedest to block out Ray’s inane rambling.

    “Hey guys!” Lavi was waiting for them on a bench. “How was the lecture?”

    “Terrible! She went on and on about proper behavior and how we should just tell the truth. Sol tried that, it didn’t work. And he kept contradicting me!”

    “You contradicted yourself,”

    “See? He’s still doing it!”

    At this point, Sol had had enough.

    “Ray Marks, in the time that I have met you, not once have you stopped acting like a child. You thumb your nose at any and all authority figures, and when that comes back to bite you, you try to shuffle the blame onto someone else.”

    “And your point is....?”

    Sol pinched the bridge of his nose, frustrated as all getout.

    “My point is that someone needs to disabuse you the notion that you’re immune to consequences, that the rules don’t apply to you. That someone is going to be me.”

    “So what? You gonna fight me?”

    “Yes. Yes I am.”

    With this, Sol drew his blade, pointing it at Ray.

    “You’re serious. Well, it’s your funeral, sunshine.”

    Not bothering to hold back his excitement, Ray activated his mouthplate, more than willing to get started.
    ------------​
    Ray was not this much of an little shit when I thought him up. He was intended to be the heart of the group, the wisecracking, eternal-optimist, deadpan snarker.

    Granted, I can still see this as being in character. So I guess he was always kind of an asshole? I'm not really sure. What do you guys think?
    Also, I'm running a quest over on SB, and have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, so if anyone has a functional engine, please tell me.



     
  19. Threadmark: High Noon Pt. 3 (Old)
    Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    I posted a link over on RWBYforums. Hopefully, it'll bring in some more readers.

    And/or get me a TV Tropes page.

    I feel I should mention. Ray's mouthplate has a vocoder in it, so he sounds more mechanical when it's deployed.
    -----------​
    Ray dashed forward, his thruster propelling him. Activating his semblance, he threw a right hook at Sol, who ducked it. While Ray was off-balance, Sol swung the flat of his blade against his side, further staggering him. Regaining his bearings, Ray spun to face his opponent, though he remained on guard.

    "Is that your plan? Trip me up? I expected a bit more bite to back up your bark"

    Not responding, Sol switched his weapon into a bow, quickly launching an arrow. Ray batted it aside, before once more rushing forward, this time attempting an uppercut. Sol rolled to the side, again striking with the flat of his blade. Annoyed, Ray closed the distance before throwing a hook. Sol raised his shield, reflecting light into Ray's eyes.

    He didn't have to dodge this time. Ray's strike missed by a wide margin. Grumbling, Ray launched a series of blows, with Sol dodging each one.

    "How do expect to win if all you do is dodge?"

    Back flipping, Sol pulled a marble out of his pocket. Hurling it at his opponent, he only had one thing to say.

    "Checkmate"

    As the makeshift projectile struck home, Ray's Soulboost ended and he staggered forward, before collapsing to one knee.

    "How did I expect to win? Easy. You're reckless, headstrong. Your strategy is end the fight in one hit. Each swing ate up more and more aura"

    Sol turned, and began walking back to the dorm. He stopped, turning his head.

    "I didn't beat you. You beat yourself"
    -----------​
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2016
  20. Threadmark: High Noon Pt. 3 (Rewrite)
    Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    I wasn't really satisfied with the last chapter, but I didn't want to keep you all waiting. As such, I've decided to rewrite/expand it.

    Also, Ray now sounds like Cinder (from KI, not RWBY) in my head.

    ------------​
    In the dorm room, Saffron's ringtone sprang to life, startling her. Pulling her scroll out, she checked the caller ID. It wasn't one he was familiar with, but her contacts list wasn't particularly big. She answered, and was met with Lavi's voice.

    'O'Ryan? You there?'

    'Yeah, I'm not really sure what I was expecting. Anyways, the reason I've called is because we have a bit of a... situation here.'

    And this concerns me how exactly...?

    'Ray and Sol are about to have it out, and I was hoping you could break it up. Preferably now-ish.'

    As she hung up, Saffron only had one thought.
    This should prove interesting.
    ------------​
    She hung up. Is that a good or bad sign?

    A minute of two later, Saffron arrived, much to his relief. Much to his concern, she made no move to intervene, simply joining the small crowd that had formed around the feuding duo.​
    ------------
    Ray dashed forward, his thruster propelling him. Activating his semblance, he threw a right hook at Sol, who ducked it. While Ray was off-balance, Sol swung the flat of his blade against his side, further staggering him. Regaining his bearings, Ray spun to face his opponent, though he remained on guard.

    "Is that your plan? Trip me up? I expected a bit more bite to back up your bark"

    Not responding, Sol switched his weapon into a bow, quickly launching an arrow. Ray batted it aside, before once more rushing forward, this time attempting an uppercut. Sol rolled to the side, again striking with the flat of his blade. Annoyed, Ray closed the distance before throwing another hook, only for Sol to backflip away.

    "Yeah, that's right! Run away with your tail between your legs!"

    Sol simply stood silently, waiting for Ray to make a move.

    "Really? Nothing to that? This is some gold material right here."

    Shrugging, Ray charged again, this time throwing a flurry of jabs

    Right jab.

    "Stop"

    Left jab.

    "Dodging"

    Right jab.

    "Me!"

    Left hook. All four failed to hit home.

    "You're slow. You may hit hard, but you still need to hit."

    In response, Ray activated his ranged weaponry. Pointing both behind him, he fired, combining the recoil with his thruster. As he rpocketed towards Sol, Ray gave his retort.

    "This fast enough? Besides, how did you expect to win if all you did was dodge?"

    "Like this."

    Ray's charge turned into a stumble as his Soulboost ended. Panting, Ray dropped to one knee, heavily winded. Sol offered him a hand up, and he gladly took it.

    "How did I expect to win? Easy. You're reckless, headstrong. It took too much Aura to maintain your Semblance, but I knew you didn't care."

    Sol turned, catching sight of O'Ryan as he did so, and began walking back to the dorm. Saffron stepped aside to let him through, a faint grin on her face.

    Interesting indeed.

    Sol stopped, turning his head back to Ray.

    "I didn't beat you. You beat yourself."
    ------------​

    I debated giving O'Ryan popcorn, but decided that might be a bit too jerky for her.

    Simultaneously thrilled and concerned about the lack of criticism. On the one hand, that means it's not god-awful. On the other, I know this isn't perfect, but I don't know what exactly is wrong.​
     
  21. Angel Morningstar

    Angel Morningstar Fallen

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    Sup everyone! So Metroid has not posted in a long time so I figured I may as well introduce myself. I'm Angel Morningstar, the co-writer of SOLR and the creator of Sol and Lavi. I try to help Metroid with his blocks to get this ball rolling a little more, but he has a lot on his plate. I got an account here in hopes that it might encourage him to work on this a bit more, also to add my 2 cents. Anyway, I think I should explain our writing relationship: I'm a never ending fountain of raw concepts, while he tries to refine his ideas to make them perfect. My problem is that I sometimes don't flesh out an idea enough, while he can have trouble getting things out cause it has to be spot on. Also my grammar sucks. He might agree or disagree (depends on his mood) but that's just how I see it. What do I think of the story so far? I think it's pretty good, it's going in a lot more...reasonable direction then how we first tried to pull this off. It does need more meat to it though, the things he posts are bony and need more stuff to them. That's all for now, I'm not very experienced with stuff like this so I hope this was a good post.

    See you later!
     
    Metroidwave likes this.
  22. Metroidwave

    Metroidwave TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHE-TSCHE

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    Well, now that you're here, I'll start running things by you.

    This is partially because you're the first person to give any negative feedback, so now I have things to work on improving.

    But mostly because this is as much your creation as mine.