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Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by KingKlaus, Aug 3, 2021.

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  1. KingKlaus

    KingKlaus Santa Gone for Good

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    Last edited: Aug 12, 2021
    KingKlaus, Aug 3, 2021
    #1
  2. Threadmarks: Chapter 1
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    KingKlaus

    KingKlaus Santa Gone for Good

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    KingKlaus, Aug 3, 2021
    #2
    ZhaneSilverman and ATP like this.
  3. Threadmarks: Chapter 2
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    KingKlaus

    KingKlaus Santa Gone for Good

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    KingKlaus, Aug 3, 2021
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    ZhaneSilverman, ATP and Jahad Vong like this.
  4. ATP

    ATP Experienced.

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    good story,please continue.
    If he is warg,then he could kill Aeryss without big problems.If Varys is Blackfyre,he must die,too.
    P.S did he meet children and 3 eye crow in their lair ? if so,welcoming at least few children would help Starks.Not mention,giants.

    P.S army with wargs have recon and communication on WW1 level.They could make circle around any normal army and fight only if they want so.
     
    ATP, Aug 4, 2021
    #4
  5. ZhaneSilverman

    ZhaneSilverman Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

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    Interesting start and I really like the idea. You've got some confusion with the ages. For example Jon is listed as being both seventeen and nineteen in the same paragraph and it is said that he arrived at the Wall at age 12 and age 11, but in your opening you have his age as 10 and him heading here in a couple weeks. Additionally Lyanna is said to be 7 in the opening, and then she's described as being 16 in the second part before leaving for the tourney, even though only 6 years have passed.
     
    ZhaneSilverman, Aug 6, 2021
    #5
  6. ATP

    ATP Experienced.

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    I think,that it would be better if he told father/Rickard/ .Maybe not everything,but as if he get visions.Rickard was good politician,and his decisions what to do would be better then Jon.Who only knew how to swing sword.Well,after 6 years on Wall also how to lead people,but in politics you need more.

    P.S if you could cath wight without getting killed,it would help.
     
    ATP, Aug 7, 2021
    #6
  7. TotalAbsolutism

    TotalAbsolutism Magnificent Bastard Moderator

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    User has been banned for confirmed plagiarism. Do note he seems to have panic-deleted all of his own stories and posts ahead of time; that was not the doing of moderation.
     
    TotalAbsolutism, Aug 12, 2021
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    DeathMonkeee and Hidden Variable like this.
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