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The Red Eyed Queen (Rewrite)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by siddharth1998m, May 15, 2019 at 8:30 AM.

  1. siddharth1998m

    siddharth1998m Getting out there.

    Joined:
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    Author Note: This is a rewrite of the first chapter that will be followed by the second chapters’ rewrite
    1. Why am I rewriting this Fic?
    2. I found a way to make my OC a little more compelling. As I was writing the third chapter, I realized that my character needed more of a compelling reason to move forward. Plus, the Hyoudou Family back is the most normal of all, so it really didn’t mix well with my OC character. Because of that, I changed Akane to Akane Orimura, so she can be a separate character. She knew Issei as a kid and later became friends with Irina as well.
    This story borrows elements from Naruto and Bleach.

    From Naruto:

    - Sharingan, Eternal Mangekyō Sharingan as well as its abilities which will be revealed in the later chapters (My OC is a Sharingan user);

    - Chakra also work similarly in this story as it did in Naruto so all chakra user of Highschool DxD can use Justus from Naruto.

    From Bleach:

    - Angels, as well as Exorcists, use Quincy abilities while fallen Angels can use Kido. Now, this doesn’t mean Angels and Fallen Angels can’t use spears of light they can still use it how this work will be explained in the later chapters.

    The is a Femslash fanfic the OC will also not have Harem she will pick a partner and stick with her. Issei, on the other hand, will have a harem.


    I Don’t Own Naruto, Bleach or Highschool DxD

    Co-Author- DxDOnline




    The Red Eyed Queen

    Chapter 1

    “Attention passengers, this is the captain speaking. We are making our final approach on Haneda Airport. We ask that you please fasten your seatbelts as we make our descent. Thank you.” The Japanese voice ringed across the airplane, as passengers began to fasten their seatbelts and attendants assisting whoever needed it.

    A flight attendant was making final rounds, making sure everyone had their seatbelts. And for the most part, it seemed like everyone was buckled up. Well, minus one passenger.

    Seated in the back of the cabin, there was a young woman sitting with one leg crossed over the other, head resting on her hand, and seemed to be reading a magazine that was situated over her legs. She was a young woman – well, teen really, since she looked to be about high school/college age – with long, spiky black har that reached down to about her waist. Farming her face were shoulder-length bangs, which covered most of her right eye with the position she was currently sitting in now. This also made it difficult to tell if the woman was reading the magazine or if she was sleeping.

    Noting that calling to her might not be the most effective way to get her attention, the attendant decided to lightly tap the woman’s shoulder.

    Having felt the light tapping that was coming from her shoulder, the woman turned in the direction it came from, to find the attendant smiling at her, her arm outstretched. “Yes?” the woman asked.

    “We are about to land, miss. Could you please fasten your seatbelt?” As she said this, the attendant pointed to the seatbelt, noting that it is currently not fastened.

    “Oh, thank you,” the young woman replied, a smile on her lips as the attendant left to make sure the first-class cabin was fastened.

    Once she was buckled up, the young woman breathed in and slowly laid back on her chair again. She stared out the window as the city of Tokyo, Japan grew ever closer. “Well, looks like I’m back,” she whispered to herself, enjoying the scenery as she sank even more into her seat.

    “Attention all passengers, this is your captain speaking. We have arrived at Haneda Airport. We thank you again for flying with Tokyo Air, and bid you all a good day. Have a nice stay!” The message from the captain broke the woman out of her thoughts, and the fact that the plane stopped moving pretty much confirmed that they had landed. In fact, there was quite a bit of activity going on as a lot of the other passengers were getting ready to disembark. “Huh, how about that,” she muttered to herself as she put away the magazine she was reading back where she found it and began loosening her seatbelt.

    As she made her way off the plane, she met eyes with the stewardess who told her to buckle up a little while earlier. She caught her waving goodbye, with a big flashing smile on her face. The young woman smiled and waved back. ‘A little too nice for my tastes,” she thought as she came out.

    She was out in the main airport terminal a little while later, and when she gets there, she breathed in the fresh air.
    “Might be best to keep a low profile for now; at least until I can make contact with the Devils of this area,” she thought as she moved towards the luggage belts. It didn’t take long after arriving there to find her bags and grab them from the belt.

    She extended the handle to her bag and pulled it alongside her as she made her way to the check-out booth, passport and ticket in hand. “Next,” said the clerk at the booth. “Good morning,” she greeted, her Japanese sounding a bit rusty given she never had to use it back in Italy.

    “It’s been a good while since you used Japanese, huh?” he asked, having picked up on the thick Italian accent in her voice.

    “Something along those lines,” she replied, the Italian accent still present.

    ‘Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Your regular accent should be back within a month or two,” the clerk replied, still busy with processing her check out. After he had finished and found everything to his satisfaction, he took out his stamp, cleared the ticket and passport, and gave it back to her. “Here you go, you’re all set. Welcome back,” he said with a friendly smile.

    “Thank you very much,” she replied, as she left the booth. Once last bag check after her checkout, and she made her way over to where the restrooms were. “May as well cleanup loose ends,” she muttered to herself, spotting a restroom with a “Wet Floor” sign in front of the door. After making sure no one was around to see her, she went into the restroom, hoping that it is empty. Ideally, she should have made sure of that fact, but she had no time and there were people waiting for her outside the airport.

    She took out her phone from her jeans pocket first, removes the SIM card, and breaks the little card in half, throwing it away in a wastebasket. She also made sure to scratch out the model number and device ID from the phone she had on her as well, before tossing that in the trash as well.

    AS she handled that, she kept hearing some light moaning coming from one of the stalls. At first, she ignored it, assuming someone was just answering to “nature’s call”, as it were. However, since the noises didn’t stop, she decided to try and find out what was going on, concentrating her chakra in her ears to try and find the stall. She found it and regretted the decision soon after.

    “Out of all the places to fuck in the world, you chose a public restroom in an airport?” she thought as she looked through the gap in the stalls. Within, she had seen two sets of feet, and a set of woman’s clothing, including bra and panties, just lying on the floor. “Looks like they aren’t even trying to hide the fact that they’re fucking either, huh?” she adds, shaking her head in disgust. After she trashed her phone, she was starting to leave, when she picked up on the horny lovers’ conversation.

    “I’ve been waiting for him for so long,” came a male voice grunt.

    “And whose fault is that, huh?” the woman responds, between moans. “You just couldn’t help yourself and ended up making me pregnant. Of course, your brother would have to come back to see his wife after she had given birth to a son.” Her ears then picked up a low-pitched laugh coming from the male, and the woman started moaning louder than before.

    “Enjoying themselves, aren’t they?” she thought in disgust of what she had just heard. Looking around the restroom, she didn’t find any other luggage other than her own. “Looks like this ‘lovely’ couple just came to drop the other guy off.” She pictured the brother/husband of this couple, and a feeling of slight irritation started to bubble up inside.
    Normally, she would have ignored couples like them, but not these two. She never really liked couples who committed adultery, and this is a case example of the kind she disliked the most. She began to look around the room, brainstorming a way to teach them a lesson. Then, and idea hit her. She snatched the woman’s clothing off the floor, since she was too busy enjoying the situation to notice they were gone and dumped them in the trash can where she dumped her SIM card and phone. She then cast a tiny fire jutsu, one just big enough to light the contents inside the trash can on fire.

    With her work done, she left the restroom and airport with her luggage, knowing that the building’s smoke detectors will do the rest of the work for her. 20 seconds after she left to room, the smoke detectors did the work of alerting the security officers as well as other people to find where it’s coming from.

    A few minutes later, a woman’s loud scream could be heard in the corridor that was drawing everyone to come near. The girl who started the small fire chuckled under her breath. “Serves you two right,” she whispered, making her way towards the people waiting for their arrivals. She stood in that area for a moment, trying to find her ride into the city.
    Looking over the crowd, she found a person holding a sign with her name on it in bold letters. She guessed that was her ride and went over to the middle-aged man holding the sign. “Are you by chance the one I was sent to pick up?” the man asked as she approached him.

    “I am,” the woman said, bowing her head in respect. “A pleasure to meet you…”

    “To you as well.” The man smiled and bowed in return. “Come, my car is over here.”

    The two walked over to the airport’s parking lot, and shortly after were at the man’s car. He opened the trunk of the car and helped to put her luggage inside while she went to take her seat in the back.

    “Ms. Yamada has asked me to take you to the new apartment she had pick up for you in Kuoh. It should take us about an hour and a half or so to get there, depending on traffic,” he informs her.

    “Wait, an apartment? Why?” she asks. “I already have a house besides the Kuoh shrine that my mother left for me after she passed,” she added.

    “You can ask Ms. Yamada when we get there. She will be waiting for you<” he answered, entering the vehicle.

    “Where is she anyway? I thought Ms. Yamada was supposed to pick me up at the airport?” she asked, the car starting to pull away from the parking lot.

    “Ms. Yamada was actually going to come with me to pick you up, but your school called to inform her that she hadn’t given them all of the essential enrollment paperwork. She spent the entire morning scrambling on her office computer to find and print copies of said documents,” he tells her, a humorous tone to his response.

    “Oh brother… did she find everything she needed before you came to pick me up?” she asked, dreading the she would have to do that work on her own.

    “She was able to, yes. Don’t worry too much about that,” he assured her. “I actually dropped her off at your new school on the way over to the airport. For now, just relax. I’m pretty sure the admission process is done by now,” he continues as he got on the highway to reach their destination.

    She sighed as she leaned into the leather of the backseat, “I think I’ll take you up on that,” she responded as she looked out the car window.

    Meanwhile, at Kuoh Academy

    It was just another day for Kuoh Academy. Another typical school day for the students. Another day of learning. And for a certain group of three boys, it was another day of being perverts.

    "C' mon, man! Don't hog it all to yourself!" one of the boys whispered, trying to squeeze himself to the peepholes to see their intended target. This was Matsuda, a member of the infamous Perverted Trio.

    "Shh! Be quiet or they'll hear us!" another one of the three said. This was Motohama, another member of the Perverted Trio.

    On the peephole was none other than the “revered” leader of this perverted group, Issei Hyoudou.
    What were they doing? Well, it had something to do with watching the Kendo Club taking showers. They didn't get their moniker, the Perverted Trio, for nothing after all.

    Issei felt himself getting hard down there as his nose bled. ‘Oh my god, this is heaven!” he squealed to himself. “So many boobs! Boobs, Boobs, BOOOBS!”

    "Issei, come on, let me take a look!" whined Motohama as he and Matsuda pulled Issei from his perch. "You had your turn, now it's mine!"

    "Oh no, you don't!" Matsuda grabbed his bespectacled comrade by the collar and pushed him aside. "It's my turn to witness the beauty of boobs!" He giggled perversely, climbing up the box.

    Motohama was having none of that though. "Get your ass back here! It's my turn to stare at the fun bags!" They began to have a scuffle, and Issei joined in.

    "You idiots! I was this close to seeing Murayama-san's tits, and you two robbed me of that chance!" The perverted boy screamed to the heavens as he tried to beat his friends some sense.

    "So…you three dead men are at it again,huh?" The Perverted Trio stopped dead in their brawl, all color draining from their faces. They looked to their side, and the boys’ fears skyrocketed. About a dozen enraged looking girls in robes with kendo sticks in hand. And they were staring at the boys with the fires of hell.

    "Hehe…hi, M-Murayama…" Issei stuttered out nervously. Said girl just growled and raised her kendo stick high over her head. "PERVERTED ASSHOLES!" All over the academy grounds, students could hear the screams of agony of some poor souls that dared to peep at the Kendo Club.

    In a different room in the Academy, the Student Council resided. The current president of the Student Council was Souna Shitori, also known as Sona Sitri, a devil and heiress to the Sitri Clan. Sona had heard the high-pitched screams and couldn't help but shake her head in annoyance. "There they go again. Getting caught doing their immoral acts." She sighed irritably.

    Sona Sitri was, by all means, a very beautiful young woman. A young, bespectacled woman in her late teens with a slim figure, black hair styled in a short bob cut and violet eyes. She is known to be a very strict and intelligent individual. Whether it is a matter of the Student Council or the Sitri Clan, she does not take anything lightly. Despite all this however, she is a very caring person and dedicated to those under her. But for the Perverted Trio, Sona was considering approving Murayama's request of castrating Issei and his cohorts. She swore the bastards had been eyeing her when she wasn't looking at one point.

    "And does that surprise you still?" A red-haired girl in front of her giggled. "You should know by now how they are, seeing as you’re trying to recruit him as well." The girl then moved a chess piece on the board. "Your turn, Sona."
    This was Rias Gremory, the most popular girl in the academy. She is a beautiful young woman who appears to be in her late teens with ivory skin, blue eyes and a buxom figure. Her most distinctive feature is her long beautiful crimson hair that reaches down to her thighs, with a single hair strand –the ahoge strand– sticking out from the top. Her hair also has loose bangs covering her forehead and side bangs framing her face.

    “True. He has something interesting in him which I am pretty sure would be an excellent fit for my peerage. His perverted nature can be ironed out through training,” Sona tells her as she moved her piece and had claimed one of Rias' own. "You seem to be getting better, Rias," she commented. It was no question that Rias and Sona had a bit of a rivalry between them, but they were still good friends. This was just a friendly bout.

    Rias gave a smile. "Thanks. But one day, Sona, mark my words, I will defeat you." Rias declared with determination. Ever since she was little, she and Sona had this fierce, yet friendly rivalry. They would compete over everything to see who was better, especially when it came to chess. Usually, Sona had Rias beat on this, but the Gremory heiress would not cry uncle until she tasted sweet victory at last.

    "Maybe," Sona began, "but that day hasn't come yet." She moved her queen, ultimately landing to her final “checkmate” position. "Checkmate, my old friend." Rias just gave out a sigh. This was already won by Sona from the very beginning, but she was getting better. "Hmm, well, don't get too cocky, Sona."
    A knock on the door interrupted them. “Come in,” Sona replied.

    Tsubaki Shinra, a young bespectacled woman with long straight black hair that extends all the way down to her knees, split bangs and heterochromatic eyes, with a violet left eye and a light brown right eye, entered the room with some documents and a file in hand. “We might have a little problem on our hands,” Tsubaki said passing over the file she had been carrying to Sona. The file that had a note attached to it. Sona picked up the file and read it.

    Sona,
    This is the Academy Head. I wish to inform you that we will be receiving a transfer student in the coming days and her credentials and bios are in the files.
    Thank you.


    “This note was signed a few days ago. Why am I getting it now?” Sona asked, not sure whose fault it was that the file was coming as late as it was. “I just got this file form a clerk but that’s not important right now. Check the student’s bio and credentials,” Tsubaki replied, pointing Sona towards the real problem. "A transfer student?" Rias asked in interest as Sona was opening the file and reading through the documents. It was common for a transfer student to take admission in Kuoh Academy and Sona and her Student Council dealt with them without any problem, so she was curious why Tsubaki was concerned with this student.

    “This doesn’t make any sense,” Sona said to her herself. “Are you sure this is correct?” Sona inquired, not believing what her eyes are seeing. “The information is accurate. One of the office members even called the numbers listed in the contact info for a standard checkup of information and they said everything here is accurate,” Tsubaki replied.

    “Sona what’s going on?” Rias asked, genuinely a little confused and concerned. Sona and Tsubaki shared a look

    “An Exorcist might be joining our academy” Sona replied passing over the documents

    “What?” Rias said out loud before taking the documents from Sona hands and going through them as fast as possible.

    “Sona she is…” Rias began, “she is part of The True Cross. Or at least, WAS a part of them,” Sona Finished her sentence.

    “Akane Orimura, age 17, twice-orphaned. First by her father’s death in a car accident and later her Grandmother, who died under suspicious circumstances. No signs of her mother as from the look of things, she abounded both her and her husband. She was taken in by Christian family with whose daughter she has been friends and moved away to Italy with them at the age of 10.”

    Rias read out her bio. “Wait, I know I’ve heard that name before,” Rias said to herself. “Who wrote this memo?” Rias asked Tsubaki, who leaned down to check what memo Rias was referring to.

    “Maya Hamada. She is a Child Service Officer, and Akane is one of her cases. She was the one who submitted her application, as well as her enrollment paperwork, to the school” Tsubaki answered, checking the signature where she was mentioned and had her child services certificate.

    “Rias do you know her by any chance?” Sona asked curiously.

    “No, not personally, but she is Akeno’s landlord,” Rias answered.

    “The house by the shrine in hilly areas? I thought your brother had bought that land up for you,” Sona asked.

    “He was going to, yes. He even offered to pay 5 times more than the land was worth, but that offer was refused by Maya Yamada, who only wanted to rent the house out” Rias explained.

    “That way too many coincidences for my liking.” Sona said, “What should we do?”

    “Alert all of our peerages. She might not be hostile towards us, but she is and Exorcist of the True Cross. It is best we be careful, at least for now,” Rias suggested, getting a nod of approval from Sona.

    “When will she be starting her classes?” Rias inquired from Tsubaki.

    “Tomorrow. She will be Second-year student, in Hyoudou’s section specifically,” she answered.

    “I think its best we invite her to my clubhouse so we could sort this stuff” Rias suggested further.

    “Are you Thinking about asking her to join your peerage?” Sona asked as Rias was getting ready to leave for her clubhouse.

    “If she is not with the church, sure I wouldn’t mind having another true cross in my peerage,” She replied as stood up and went to the door. “I will be seeing you two tomorrow at the clubhouse. Ohhh and don’t worry, I will be sending someone to escort her there.” With her piece said, Rias takes her leave.

    “Should I call all of them now?” Tsubaki asked.

    “Yeah,” Sona replied while looking at Akane Orimura’s Photo.

    “Is this the apartment?” Akane asked as the car stopped.

    “Yes, please go on inside. Ms. Yamada would have been waiting for you for a while now. I will bring in your luggage there. The apartment number is 2C” The middle-aged man said as he gets out of the car with Akane following him.
    The apartment building looked relatively normal. A beige, 3-story building with 6 apartments in each floor, and each apartment getting one small balcony space.

    She rang the doorbell of apartment 2C. “Coming, coming.” She heard Ms. Yamada voice from inside. A woman with short green hair with matching colored eyes and glasses answered the door. She was of around average height and was wearing a revealing yellow dress with short sleeves and knee-high boots. “Akane! Look at you all grown up! Last time I saw you were just small girl,” Ms. Yamada’s soft voice greets her.

    “And you haven’t changed a day,” Akane replies with a smile, happy to see her after such a long time.

    “Ohh you are such charmer. Come on inside.” She invited Akane inside. “Where is Kuro?” She asked.

    “He is bringing my luggage up,” Akane answers as she enters the apartment. It was an average one-bedroom apartment with a living room and kitchen space. The bedroom also had a small balcony and a washroom in it.

    “Well, do you like it?” Ms. Yamada asked.

    “Why are we here Yamada-san? I already have a house here in Kuoh by the shrine. Why would need to live here?” Akane asked her, still not sure why she was in this apartment.

    Ms. Yamada signed, “Look, while you were away, an individual came to me asking about the house, wanting to buy it as well as the land. I knew you didn’t want the land to be sold but I also did not want that individual to leave without a deal. You would need money for college, so we agreed on 3-year rent deal. That deal has still one year left, so until then you will have to live here,” she explained.

    Akane signed, as she really couldn’t blame her. Ms. Yamada was looking out for her. “Fine, I guess I can live here for a year. What about the rent of this place?” she asked her.

    “Oh, you don’t have to worry about the any of the expenses. They aren’t really a big deal since all of the combined expenses will only take 5% of the rent money you are getting from your house,” Ms. Yamada clarified, a dignified tone lacing her words.

    Knowing all that info, Akane was a little suspicious about who rented her house. She knew how much money that area generated, but the amount she was describing was quite a bit more than normal. A Knock on the door breaks her out of her thoughts. “Come in, Kuro,” Ms. Yamada said, inviting him inside. Kuro brought her luggage into the apartment and placed them in the living room.

    “Maya, I think it’s about time we take our leave. We have other business to attend to as well” Kuro suggested.

    “Yes, we should go. Akane, all the books that you will need have been placed in your study table, as well as your school uniform. which is in your bedroom’s closet. School will start tomorrow so set up your alarm accordingly,” Ms. Yamada informed. “You have your credit card with you, right?” she asked.

    “Yes, Ms. Yamada, I waste my money spending on stupid things. Anything else?” Akane asked with a smile, feeling a slight laugh wanting to come up from her chest.

    “No that’s all. Here this is my number. Call me anytime you need my help. Take care of yourself, Ok?” Maya said. And with that, left and closed the door behind her.

    “Thank you for coming to pick me up at the airport, Kuro,” Akane bowed thanking the man again.

    “It’s nothing. Like Maya said, if you need our help, call us anytime,” Kuro tells her as Akane sees them off from to her apartment door.

    With them gone she locked the main door, and with her back leaning against it, she gazed at the small, empty apartment. It was the first time in her 17 years of life that she will live alone. Which was a miracle, considering her sucky track record. But it was not that bad if she played her cards right. She might be a Devil by the end of the month. And after that, gaining more powers and serving her master would keep her busy for a long while. “Ok, first order of business is to get myself a new cellphone,” she said to herself. Her stomach seemed to disagree, a low grumble emanating from it. “Ok, first lunch then cellphone,” she chuckled, finally feeling at peace.





    Author Note: - here are my response to some of the questions that have been asked
    1.Dominus1389:- SHIP for Akane being Karasu Tengu just imagine it with EMS and Itachi's and Madara's techniques.
    Also SHIP for small harem Kuroka, Yasaka, Kunou, and Tamamo or at least Threesome Kuroka and Omamori Himari
    My Response:- While I like the Idea of Karasu Tengu and are the part of Shinto mythology. Problem Here is their design is way too much similar to that of the fallen angels. I was at one point seriously considering giving Akane Itachi’s crow abilities though when I sat and thought through it I decided to not do it.
    Also no Haram for my Oc sorry mate.

    1. Guest-Questioner:- Am I going to pair Akane up the with someone form Issei's Haram?
    My Response:- No she will not be pairing up with any of the girls in Issei harem.
    3.Guest-Questioner:- Battle Deck, What is that one? Also, How far will Akane' abilities go in comparison to the strength of Highschool DxD character's?
    My Response:- the battle decks function will be revealed by chapter 2 and 3 I suppose so stick around.
    Now an endpoint for her abilities I can’t tell you much with telling you something that is a spoiler but I can tell u this she won’t have Rinnegan in this story so you could cross that out.

    1. Gkso :- just out of curiosity but you're not going to make it travel the same bad path of the dragon fiction emperor and knight of red eyes because that of being bad and etc I say no offense but it was bad at first I understand you about the faction of heroes but let's go " I live to be the hero of darkness ñ "stop fucking what's wrong? can not think of a better way as neutral or something like that
    My Response:- Nooo She was not gonna do that before the rewrite and she is not gonna do that after the rewrite as well she won’t take the Itachi route
    1. Guest:- well the first time someone took inspiration from Red-eyed knight they made a broken as hell OC Gary Stu. Here's to hoping you don't do the same, good luck.
    My response:- Thanks mate I know for sure that I am gonna need your good luck
    1. Morgen:- Very good chapters. I enjoyed reading them so far. :)
    I would like if Akane's fighting style is like Yoruichi's or Soifon's hand to hand combat or maybe give her Senbonzakura from Baykuya because this sword is the best in my opinion. :)
    If you plan to add some characters from Bleach then make Yoruichi her love interest and her teacher. She also could be the former nekoshou queen before they were mostly killed by the devils (OR you could make Akane their savior and they got saved by her). :)
    I look forward to chapter 3.
    My Response:- You know what having the character of Yoruichi as Nekoshou is not a bad idea. You know what I am gonna do just in the later chapters. Now is she going to be mentor figure, in that case, yes Romantic interest I don’t think so?
    Her fighting style at this moment revolves mostly around dodging attacks, learning enemy attack patterns (Thank you Sharingan) and attacking back with a precise killing blows she is very much like Soi fon in that regards. So expect Akane to use shuppo down the line
    No zanpaktos for this fic at least They will just get lost amongst the holy sword, sacred gears and if want to write about zanpakto I want to do them justice.
     
    Akuma-Heika likes this.
  2. Ashenerden

    Ashenerden Making the rounds.

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    I just skimmed and found 20+ typos and grammar errors. And just for the record the perverted trio are disgusting people
     
    siddharth1998m likes this.
  3. siddharth1998m

    siddharth1998m Getting out there.

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    yeah they are