Chapter 14: Earth Bet's Very First _______ ______!
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Chapter 14: Earth Bet's Very First _______ ______!
January 3, 2010. Brockton Bay, Pelham House, Living Room.
Sarah stared at the dead Mr. Blobby that had just commit suicide in her living room and leaving its own dead body to fall onto a microwave, leaving the gun and half-eaten burrito to land on the carpet.
She walked upstairs, and opened Crystal's door without knocking.
"Mom! What if I had been naked?" Crystal shouted.
"It would have been nothing I hadn't seen before. Dave's here, he's in the living room. You can come down and deal with him while I make lunch in the kitchen, sound good?" Sarah asked sweetly.
"Uh, sure?" Crystal naively agreed.
"Perfect." Sarah smiled, before going back downstairs and into the kitchen, where she started to make burritos. She was inspired, okay?
"Oh, for fucks sake." Crystal said upon seeing the dead body of Mr. Blobby, microwave, strange device filled with green fluid, gun, and half-eaten burrito all on the floor of her living room.
"Language!" Her mom shouted from the kitchen.
"English!" Crystal shouted back.
"Don't steal that from your cousin Crystal! Amy doesn't get enough socialization practice as it is without you stealing one of her catchphrases! By the way, thanks for agreeing to deal with Dave. That includes cleaning up after him, just to be clear."
After Crystal had put the burrito in the trash and mixed salt into cold water and begun cleaning up the bloody carpet with the mixture, Dave respawned, then wandered into the kitchen and asked the still-cooking Sarah "Did I win at charades?" He still looked like Mr. Blobby.
She gave him a dry look. "No. I did not understand your intended message. Thus, you did not succeed at silently communicating information and therefore did not win charades."
He nodded. "Do you have any sunglasses? The lasers you're using to cook those burritos are really bright."
She pointed at the counter, "You can borrow Bella's pair until we get you your own. I'm sure she won't mind. Me, my children, and my sister are all highly resistant to being blinded by light, so any frequent guests—and my husband of course—get their own dedicated pair for when they are in the kitchen while I'm cooking. Speaking of guests, I've invited Vicky and Amy to join us. I invited my sister as well but she is busy, and her husband Mark is… busy as well." She paused before finishing her final sentence.
Dave digested that information as he put on the sunglasses, which were rather hard to get on as Mr. Blobby. Glory Girl and her sister, the new hero Panacea who had been active as a healer for a month or so were coming to have lunch. For some reason, he shivered. Then he shivered again, harder.
Sarah noticed and offered, "Do you want me to turn up the heat? I'm a little surprised your powers didn't give you temperature-resistance to go with your other abilities. You mentioned it changed your sleep-cycle, and it has certainly given you some brute powers, so a weak temperature-comfort power seems fairly on theme for such a wide-ranging power in my experience with grab-bags. Maybe you just haven't gotten it yet?"
"No, I have." Dave answered, somewhat surprised Sarah had managed to predict one of his powers, but he supposed that was a benefit of experience. "No need to turn up the heat, I do have that minor temperature-comfort thing you mentioned, it widens my comfortable temperature range by about 10 degrees Fahrenheit in both directions, just enough to increase my performance as a terrorist and not have a bomb slip out of my hands because of sweaty palms or something. I've just been shivering occasionally since I got my powers, but it seems unrelated to temperature."
"Anyways," Dave continued on ignoring Sarah's mutterings that his temperature resistance was 'weaker than expected,' "Do you know when your nieces are likely to arrive? I would like to greet them in style." He said, before transforming into Pikachu and striking a pose.
"It should be any minute now. You can wait for them in the backyard with Crystal if she seems like she's done cleaning up the blood."
"Okee dokee artichokee!"Dave Pikachu saluted, before scampering into the living room to see if Crystal was ready to greet her cousins.
After a little brainstorming,Dave Pikachu and Crystal had come up with a plan of action…
After Vicky touched down in the Pelham backyard while holding her sister in a princess carry, Crrystal proudly strode out, Pikachu on her shoulder.
Amy got down on her own from Vicky's arms while Vicky stared.
"So, you thought you could challenge me to a Pokemon battle?" Crystal asked haughtily in a deepened voice, before turning her dad's baseball hat around on her head and shouting "Fine then, let's battle! Go Pikachu!"
"Kachu!" Pikachu let out an adorable warcry as he jumped down from Crystal's shoulder and ran out to the more open part of the yard.
Vicky's eyes changed and became more competitive. "Fine, you shall face the strongest member of my team, GO PANPAN!" She shouted dramatically and pointed to the space across from Pikachu, indicating where she wanted Amy to start the battle at.
"I'm not doing this." Amy said dryly after a withering look at her sister failed. She received puppy dog eyes from Crystal, Vicky and Pikachu simultaneously. She folded instantly.
"Fine, but why am I the Pokemon?" She grudgingly agreed before walking to where Vicky had indicated.
"You were too slow sis! I called dibs on being your trainer. And everyone knows Chansey is badass anyways, I believe in you!"
Amy blushed, either at being insinuated as badass or at the thought of being trained by her sister… or at being told someone believed in her… or the humiliation of taking part in what seemed like roleplaying magical cockfighting of friendship… or the rather cold weather.
As she stood across from Pikachu, Amy still wasn't totally sure what was going to happen next, when Crystal shouted, "Go Pikachu, use Minimize, then Tackle!"
The Pikachu shrunk somehow, but its ears and tails stayed the same size and were flopping madly as it moved around. It ran surprisingly quickly, but not that quickly at Amy, before it jumped, then jumped again midair to reach her face. She reflexively grabbed it before it could headbutt her face, and she held it right in front of her face, and noticed her power didn't consider it biological, but also did at the same time.
"What are you?" She asked the tiny, shrunken Pikachu.
It wiggled its nose at her, looked deep into her eyes, then licked her nose. "Pikachu!"
Amy melted immediately. "Awww!"
Vicky pouted immensely, until Amy couldn't resist the puppy dog eyes anymore and reluctantly handed the Pikachu over for Vicky to play with.
Crystal gasped. "Oh no! Pikachu is being stolen by Team Rocket! Quick, Pikachu, use Pikapistol!"
"Pika Pika!" Pikachu brought out a Glock pistol and shot Vicky once with it.
While Vicky was surprised and her strength disabled form her forcefield being broken, Pikachu jumped down and scampered over to Crystal where Pikachu got picked up, given headpats, and placed back on her shoulder.
"Good job Pikachu! You escaped from Team Rocket all on your own!" Crystal praised.
"I told you; you can't give me headpats until I'm a Good Boy." Pikachu?? said to Crystal… in a normal man's voice?
"WHAT THE FUCK?" Vicky screamed.
Amy looked disappointed as well.
Crystal meanwhile was nonplussed, "What, did you think I found a stash of Professor Haywire's technology and opened a portal to the world of Pokemon and grabbed a Pikachu? Then taught it how to use guns?"
Vicky fake-sobbed dramatically "You gave me hope of completing my dream of becoming the very greatest Pokemon master, like no one ever was! Then you cruelly took it away. WHY CRYSTAL WHY?!" She floated over to Crystal and shook her so hard 'Pikachu' fell off.
'Pikachu' unminified himself and wandered over to Amy who was just looking tired at her sister's antics.
"So, I figured it was something like this, and she probably did too before she got caught up in the moment. Are you a Case 53 or something? If so, I'm afraid I can't help you."
"Nah, I'm good. Name's Dave, nice to meet you." The Pikachu(?) apparently named Dave said.
"I'm Amy, or Panacea, I guess. It's a new thing, I only became a cape at the end of November, so I'm still getting used to everything. I started helping out at the hospital a couple weeks ago with my healing power."
Dave returned to his original form, much to Amy's disappointment. "I'm Dave, just your friendly local terrorist!" He reached out his hand. She shook it with a slightly bemused look on her face.
"You know, your biology was… weird when you were a Pikachu, but like this it's almost normal, just with some of that same weirdness around the edges of your body instead of throughout the whole thing. It's actually quite interesting, do you mind if I examine you a little with my power at some point?"
"Oh baby, you can examine me whenever and wherever you want."
"Excuse me?" Vicky flew over from where she had been talking with Crystal. Then she looked Dave up and down.
"I refuse, you're too old for my sis. It's kinda creepy actually, since she's underage, and you're an adult."
While Crystal tried to explain to Vicky that that was just how Dave was, and he probably didn't have any flirtatious intentions, Dave gasped dramatically. "How dare you besmirch my honor? I challenge you… to a DUEL!"
"Fine, when I win, you won't flirt with Amy." Vicky agreed instantly.
"Fine, if I win, you will give me some of your used bathwater!"
"Um… what? I knew it! You are a pervert!" Vicky said with vindication, while Crystal facepalmed and Amy just looked amused.
Dave walked over to where he had started the Pokemon battle as Pikachu, while Vicky flew over to where Amy had started the 'battle'.
Dave pulled out a weird gun from his inventory. It was completely covered with nothing but weird bright purple squares checkered with pitch black squares. It looked… dumb as hell.
"This, is a Free Kill Gun, also known as a Railgun Sniper Rifle." Dave bragged. "Whoever uses it to kill someone is ethically free of guilt. In exchange, anyone else is free to kill whoever is holding it and be ethically free of blame!" Dave… explained? The gun he had pulled out.
"Now witness its power!" Dave shouted dramatically, before pressing a button on it. The gun made a high-pitched noise, that quickly got louder and higher pitched as time went on. After about five seconds, the gun exploded and Dave died instantly.
Vicky and Amy screamed.
Author's Note: At least Dave has made a good first impression this time… right? The blanks in the chapter title were Pokemon Battle by the way, I even used the correct number of underscores for each word.
January 3, 2010. Brockton Bay, Pelham House, Living Room.
Sarah stared at the dead Mr. Blobby that had just commit suicide in her living room and leaving its own dead body to fall onto a microwave, leaving the gun and half-eaten burrito to land on the carpet.
She walked upstairs, and opened Crystal's door without knocking.
"Mom! What if I had been naked?" Crystal shouted.
"It would have been nothing I hadn't seen before. Dave's here, he's in the living room. You can come down and deal with him while I make lunch in the kitchen, sound good?" Sarah asked sweetly.
"Uh, sure?" Crystal naively agreed.
"Perfect." Sarah smiled, before going back downstairs and into the kitchen, where she started to make burritos. She was inspired, okay?
"Oh, for fucks sake." Crystal said upon seeing the dead body of Mr. Blobby, microwave, strange device filled with green fluid, gun, and half-eaten burrito all on the floor of her living room.
"Language!" Her mom shouted from the kitchen.
"English!" Crystal shouted back.
"Don't steal that from your cousin Crystal! Amy doesn't get enough socialization practice as it is without you stealing one of her catchphrases! By the way, thanks for agreeing to deal with Dave. That includes cleaning up after him, just to be clear."
After Crystal had put the burrito in the trash and mixed salt into cold water and begun cleaning up the bloody carpet with the mixture, Dave respawned, then wandered into the kitchen and asked the still-cooking Sarah "Did I win at charades?" He still looked like Mr. Blobby.
She gave him a dry look. "No. I did not understand your intended message. Thus, you did not succeed at silently communicating information and therefore did not win charades."
He nodded. "Do you have any sunglasses? The lasers you're using to cook those burritos are really bright."
She pointed at the counter, "You can borrow Bella's pair until we get you your own. I'm sure she won't mind. Me, my children, and my sister are all highly resistant to being blinded by light, so any frequent guests—and my husband of course—get their own dedicated pair for when they are in the kitchen while I'm cooking. Speaking of guests, I've invited Vicky and Amy to join us. I invited my sister as well but she is busy, and her husband Mark is… busy as well." She paused before finishing her final sentence.
Dave digested that information as he put on the sunglasses, which were rather hard to get on as Mr. Blobby. Glory Girl and her sister, the new hero Panacea who had been active as a healer for a month or so were coming to have lunch. For some reason, he shivered. Then he shivered again, harder.
Sarah noticed and offered, "Do you want me to turn up the heat? I'm a little surprised your powers didn't give you temperature-resistance to go with your other abilities. You mentioned it changed your sleep-cycle, and it has certainly given you some brute powers, so a weak temperature-comfort power seems fairly on theme for such a wide-ranging power in my experience with grab-bags. Maybe you just haven't gotten it yet?"
"No, I have." Dave answered, somewhat surprised Sarah had managed to predict one of his powers, but he supposed that was a benefit of experience. "No need to turn up the heat, I do have that minor temperature-comfort thing you mentioned, it widens my comfortable temperature range by about 10 degrees Fahrenheit in both directions, just enough to increase my performance as a terrorist and not have a bomb slip out of my hands because of sweaty palms or something. I've just been shivering occasionally since I got my powers, but it seems unrelated to temperature."
"Anyways," Dave continued on ignoring Sarah's mutterings that his temperature resistance was 'weaker than expected,' "Do you know when your nieces are likely to arrive? I would like to greet them in style." He said, before transforming into Pikachu and striking a pose.
"It should be any minute now. You can wait for them in the backyard with Crystal if she seems like she's done cleaning up the blood."
"Okee dokee artichokee!"
After a little brainstorming,
After Vicky touched down in the Pelham backyard while holding her sister in a princess carry, Crrystal proudly strode out, Pikachu on her shoulder.
Amy got down on her own from Vicky's arms while Vicky stared.
"So, you thought you could challenge me to a Pokemon battle?" Crystal asked haughtily in a deepened voice, before turning her dad's baseball hat around on her head and shouting "Fine then, let's battle! Go Pikachu!"
"Kachu!" Pikachu let out an adorable warcry as he jumped down from Crystal's shoulder and ran out to the more open part of the yard.
Vicky's eyes changed and became more competitive. "Fine, you shall face the strongest member of my team, GO PANPAN!" She shouted dramatically and pointed to the space across from Pikachu, indicating where she wanted Amy to start the battle at.
"I'm not doing this." Amy said dryly after a withering look at her sister failed. She received puppy dog eyes from Crystal, Vicky and Pikachu simultaneously. She folded instantly.
"Fine, but why am I the Pokemon?" She grudgingly agreed before walking to where Vicky had indicated.
"You were too slow sis! I called dibs on being your trainer. And everyone knows Chansey is badass anyways, I believe in you!"
Amy blushed, either at being insinuated as badass or at the thought of being trained by her sister… or at being told someone believed in her… or the humiliation of taking part in what seemed like roleplaying magical cockfighting of friendship… or the rather cold weather.
As she stood across from Pikachu, Amy still wasn't totally sure what was going to happen next, when Crystal shouted, "Go Pikachu, use Minimize, then Tackle!"
The Pikachu shrunk somehow, but its ears and tails stayed the same size and were flopping madly as it moved around. It ran surprisingly quickly, but not that quickly at Amy, before it jumped, then jumped again midair to reach her face. She reflexively grabbed it before it could headbutt her face, and she held it right in front of her face, and noticed her power didn't consider it biological, but also did at the same time.
"What are you?" She asked the tiny, shrunken Pikachu.
It wiggled its nose at her, looked deep into her eyes, then licked her nose. "Pikachu!"
Amy melted immediately. "Awww!"
Vicky pouted immensely, until Amy couldn't resist the puppy dog eyes anymore and reluctantly handed the Pikachu over for Vicky to play with.
Crystal gasped. "Oh no! Pikachu is being stolen by Team Rocket! Quick, Pikachu, use Pikapistol!"
"Pika Pika!" Pikachu brought out a Glock pistol and shot Vicky once with it.
While Vicky was surprised and her strength disabled form her forcefield being broken, Pikachu jumped down and scampered over to Crystal where Pikachu got picked up, given headpats, and placed back on her shoulder.
"Good job Pikachu! You escaped from Team Rocket all on your own!" Crystal praised.
"I told you; you can't give me headpats until I'm a Good Boy." Pikachu?? said to Crystal… in a normal man's voice?
"WHAT THE FUCK?" Vicky screamed.
Amy looked disappointed as well.
Crystal meanwhile was nonplussed, "What, did you think I found a stash of Professor Haywire's technology and opened a portal to the world of Pokemon and grabbed a Pikachu? Then taught it how to use guns?"
Vicky fake-sobbed dramatically "You gave me hope of completing my dream of becoming the very greatest Pokemon master, like no one ever was! Then you cruelly took it away. WHY CRYSTAL WHY?!" She floated over to Crystal and shook her so hard 'Pikachu' fell off.
'Pikachu' unminified himself and wandered over to Amy who was just looking tired at her sister's antics.
"So, I figured it was something like this, and she probably did too before she got caught up in the moment. Are you a Case 53 or something? If so, I'm afraid I can't help you."
"Nah, I'm good. Name's Dave, nice to meet you." The Pikachu(?) apparently named Dave said.
"I'm Amy, or Panacea, I guess. It's a new thing, I only became a cape at the end of November, so I'm still getting used to everything. I started helping out at the hospital a couple weeks ago with my healing power."
Dave returned to his original form, much to Amy's disappointment. "I'm Dave, just your friendly local terrorist!" He reached out his hand. She shook it with a slightly bemused look on her face.
"You know, your biology was… weird when you were a Pikachu, but like this it's almost normal, just with some of that same weirdness around the edges of your body instead of throughout the whole thing. It's actually quite interesting, do you mind if I examine you a little with my power at some point?"
"Oh baby, you can examine me whenever and wherever you want."
"Excuse me?" Vicky flew over from where she had been talking with Crystal. Then she looked Dave up and down.
"I refuse, you're too old for my sis. It's kinda creepy actually, since she's underage, and you're an adult."
While Crystal tried to explain to Vicky that that was just how Dave was, and he probably didn't have any flirtatious intentions, Dave gasped dramatically. "How dare you besmirch my honor? I challenge you… to a DUEL!"
"Fine, when I win, you won't flirt with Amy." Vicky agreed instantly.
"Fine, if I win, you will give me some of your used bathwater!"
"Um… what? I knew it! You are a pervert!" Vicky said with vindication, while Crystal facepalmed and Amy just looked amused.
Dave walked over to where he had started the Pokemon battle as Pikachu, while Vicky flew over to where Amy had started the 'battle'.
Dave pulled out a weird gun from his inventory. It was completely covered with nothing but weird bright purple squares checkered with pitch black squares. It looked… dumb as hell.
"This, is a Free Kill Gun, also known as a Railgun Sniper Rifle." Dave bragged. "Whoever uses it to kill someone is ethically free of guilt. In exchange, anyone else is free to kill whoever is holding it and be ethically free of blame!" Dave… explained? The gun he had pulled out.
"Now witness its power!" Dave shouted dramatically, before pressing a button on it. The gun made a high-pitched noise, that quickly got louder and higher pitched as time went on. After about five seconds, the gun exploded and Dave died instantly.
Vicky and Amy screamed.
Author's Note: At least Dave has made a good first impression this time… right? The blanks in the chapter title were Pokemon Battle by the way, I even used the correct number of underscores for each word.
