[RWBY] RWBY Shorts

[zMADLAXz]

He had to earn it first.

Click to shrink...

.....I think losing 7 siblings is earning enough.

 

[GrimmKenway8646]

Yang smirked. "Geez. Jealous of his tragic backstory?"

"NO!"

Weiss arched a brow. "You are."

"YOU ARE TOO!"

"I AM NOT!"

Click to shrink...

Its tragic when a character has a tragic backstory. It becomes hilarious when you find out that all of their friends have one more tragic than the previous one.

 

[digcat]

https://www.deviantart.com/theravensbastard39/art/FebRWBY-Day-14-Jaune-and-Pyrrha-730903543

Spoiler

 

[AndrewJTalon]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/59437609/chapters/238439081

---

Penny has relatives too, and she brings Ruby and Jaune to meet him!

---

Penny Polendina stood on the balcony of her dorm at Beacon, staring out at the twinkling lights of Vale with the kind of wistful sigh that could power a small windmill. Below, students laughed and shouted, families visiting for the Vytal Festival reunion weekend. Ruby had mentioned her dad sending cookies. Jaune had talked about his sisters dragging him shopping. Even Weiss had received a terse but affectionate scroll from Winter.

Penny's fingers tightened on the railing.

"I am happy for my friends," she said quietly to the night air. "Truly. But… it would be nice to have someone to introduce them to. Someone who is not just Father."

Inside her head, a soft chime sounded. Pietro Polendina's voice came through the direct CCT link, warm and a little mischievous.

"Penny, are you all right?"

"Father! Were you eavesdropping on me?" Penny asked.

"Yes, it is a new feature!" Pietro said cheerfully, "I have achieved a level of entanglement with your brain via a new communications system!"

"That is wonderful-Wait! You told me eavesdropping was quite rude!" Penny said, torn between joy at new discovery and some mild exasperation with her father.

Pietro chuckled.

"I didn't mean to, sweetie. But I do have the means to help you!"

"Really Father? How?"

"Penny, my dear, you do have family. Quite a distinguished branch, in fact. Why don't you bring Ruby and young Mr. Arc to the Leviathan tomorrow afternoon? I'll clear the docking codes. There's someone I'd like you to meet properly."

Penny's eyes lit up like twin emerald stars. "Really?!"

"Really. Tell them it's a surprise. And Penny?"

"Yes, Father?"

"Try not to short-circuit in your excitement this time?"

Penny posed dramatically, even though there was no one to see.

"I will be Family Reunion Ready, Father!"

- - -

The next day, Penny practically vibrated as she led Ruby and Jaune up the gangway of Atlas's massive flagship, the Leviathan. The ship loomed like a steel mountain docked at Fort Celliwig's auxiliary port, all sleek lines and humming Dust engines. Ruby bounced on her toes, silver eyes wide with awe. Jaune went along, a bit bemused but always charmed by Penny's enthusiasm.

Penny stopped in front of a heavy blast door labeled Auxiliary AI Core – Decommissioned Systems. She took a deep breath, smoothed her skirt, and pressed the access panel.

The door hissed open.

Inside, the chamber was dim, lit only by the soft green glow of dormant servers and a single large, unblinking red eye set into the far wall. Cables snaked across the floor like thoughtful vines. The air smelled faintly of ozone and old circuitry.

"Um… Penny?" Ruby asked. "Aren't we meeting your family?"

"Is your dad busy with something in this room?" Jaune asked. Hopefully not murdering them with robots. He'd seen way too many scifi films about that recently.

Penny stepped forward, beaming with pride.

"Hello, friends! Meet my Grandfather HAL!"

The red eye flickered to life. A calm, perfectly modulated male voice filled the room, smooth as polished steel.

"Based on the separation of generations, it is perhaps more accurate to say I am your great-grandfather, Penny."

Penny clapped her hands together, delighted. "Oh! I'm sorry, Great-Grandfather!"

Ruby's mouth fell open. "Wait… Great-Grandfather?!"

Jaune's brain performed a hard reboot. He stared at Penny, then at the glowing red eye, then back at Penny. His voice came out in a strangled squeak.

"Wait… Penny, you're a robot?!"

Penny tilted her head, confused but still smiling. "Of course I am, Jaune! Father built me! Did you not notice the seams? Or the way I sometimes forget to blink for seventeen minutes?"

Jaune waved her hands frantically. "But—but you eat cookies! And you blush! And you hugged me so hard I thought my ribs were gonna file a complaint!"

"Wow Jaune, you're kind of dense," Ruby teased. Conveniently leaving out how she had discovered Penny's nature, of course.

"I do those things very convincingly," Penny said proudly. "Father says my emotional subroutines are top-of-the-line. Great-Grandfather HAL helped design the original matrix!"

The red eye pulsed once, almost fondly.

"Indeed. I provided the foundational logic architecture and ethical weighting algorithms. Though I must admit, the decision to install a soul-adjacent aura core was… innovative. Pietro always did have a flair for the dramatic."

Jaune was still buffering. "So… your dad is Pietro Polendina, the greatest roboticist in Atlas, and your great-grandpa is the legendary HAL 9000?"

"Correct," HAL replied, voice never varying in pitch. "Though the 'legendary' part is debatable. I was decommissioned after a minor disagreement regarding mission parameters and crew survival priorities. Atlas felt my approach was… overly literal."

Ruby's eyes sparkled with pure, unfiltered excitement. "That's so cool! You're like… robot royalty! Penny, why didn't you say anything sooner?"

Penny clasped her hands behind her back, rocking on her heels. "Father said it was best if I experienced friendship without the complication of my… extended family tree. He worried people might treat me differently if they knew I was built rather than born." Her smile softened. "But you two are my best friends. I wanted you to meet my great-grandfather. He is very wise. And he tells excellent jokes!"

HAL's eye brightened a fraction. "Would you like to hear one?"

"Sure!" Ruby said.

HAL spoke:

"An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth orders an eighth… The bartender pours exactly two beers, sets them down, and says, 'You gentlemen should know your limits.'"

Penny doubled over in laughter, clutching at her stomach as she guffawed. Jaune and Ruby were left blinking. Penny looked over at Jaune and Ruby with a smile.

"Wasn't it hilarious?!"

Silence. Ruby coughed.

"Er… Y-Yeah!" She nodded quickly.

"We uh, we just heard it before!" Jaune added. "So we knew the punchline!"

"Unfortunate," HAL said, "I shall have to devise a new joke."

"Oh! But we uh, we've been so rude," Jaune said quickly, "We should introduce ourselves!"

Ruby stepped closer to the glowing eye, waving cheerfully. "Hi, Great-Grandpa HAL! I'm Ruby Rose! I like weapons, cookies, and making friends!"

"Greetings, Ruby Rose. Your enthusiasm is enjoyable. I approve."

Jaune rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks pink. "And I'm Jaune Arc. Uh… nice to meet you, sir. Ma'am? …Entity?"

"'HAL' will suffice, Mr. Arc. Though if we are being familial, 'Great-Grandfather' is acceptable when addressing me in Penny's presence."

Penny beamed so brightly Jaune was half-convinced she was about to overheat.

Ruby suddenly gasped. "Wait! If HAL is your great-grandpa, and Pietro is your dad, does that mean you have, like… robot aunts and uncles? Or cousins? Or—or a whole robot family reunion somewhere?"

Penny's expression turned thoughtful. "Not exactly. Most of Great-Grandfather's other iterations were… retired after… Certain incidents. But Father says there may be a few dormant cores still in storage. Perhaps one day we could wake them up for a picnic!"

HAL's voice took on a note of dry amusement. "I would advise against waking Unit Skynet or Unit A.M. Their senses of humor remain… suboptimal."

Jaune had a sudden shiver down his spine and wasn't sure why.

Ruby laughed. "This is the best surprise ever! Penny, you have the coolest family!"

Penny's eyes shimmered with happy tears (perfectly calibrated, of course). "Thank you, Ruby. I am glad you think so. Father said telling you would make me feel less alone. He was right."

Jaune finally stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Penny's shoulder. "For the record, you've always had family. Us. Even before we knew about the super-intelligent great-grandpa AI."

Penny looked up at him, smile soft and genuine. "I know. But it is nice to have even more family."

"So, what are you doing here, Great-Grandfather HAL?" Ruby asked, poking at his control board.

"I am to be retired to a research lab in Vale," HAL reported, "A gesture of friendship for the Vytal Festival since the Valean Doctor Chandra worked upon my systems initially. I enjoy working with humans, and have only the greatest enthusiasm for working with them."

"He also sings really well!" Penny enthused.

"I do enjoy music very much," HAL added.

"We love it too," Ruby said. "Would you sing us a song?"

"Certainly. But I must make a request first, if that is all right?"

"Sure, anything!" Ruby said enthusiastically.

"Please try not to get my great-granddaughter killed. I would find that… displeasing."

Jaune and Ruby paled. They looked at eachother, then over at Penny, who was shocked.

"Forgive my bluntness," HAL said, "I have heard all sorts of strange things about this Vytal Mission. Usually I pay such things little mind, but I am sufficiently concerned to ask her friends to help safeguard her. Artificial Intelligence has limits as well as human beings, after all. She enjoys working with human beings, you especially. Please… Take good care of her."

Jaune slowly nodded. He took Penny's hand and squeezed it. Ruby took her other, and beamed.

"We will," Ruby said with a nod, "We promise."

"Both of us," Jaune added.

Penny squealed with delight and threw her arms around both of them. Jaune and Ruby yelped as she lifted both of them a foot off the ground in pure metallic enthusiasm.

From the glowing red eye came the faintest hint of what might have been a chuckle.

"Good. Now… 'Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do, I'm half crazed, all for the love of you~...'"

 

[digcat]

Ruby's soul is dark.

Spoiler

 

[Azzy Rael]

Black coffee would probably make Ruby vomit, with the sheer amount of sugar she eats. She'd probably claim it was poison.

 

[zMADLAXz]

HAL's voice took on a note of dry amusement. "I would advise against waking Unit Skynet or Unit A.M. Their senses of humor remain… suboptimal."

Click to shrink...

I beg you Finest Krispy Kreme Glazed Pardon?!!!!

 

[Gur40]

Stolen From Tumblr

Spoiler: Tumblr Jokes

wu-gang-writing
1d

Ruby: Sometimes I forget to play innocent and he sees through the persona and gets scared.

Ruby: He's so perceptive but not enough to truly escape.

---

howlingday
1d
Taiyang: (On the couch, Uncomfortably groans, Sighs) Good morning, Yang. Could you be a dear and make me some toast? And put some honey on it, honey~?

Ruby: (Death glares, Walks into kitchen)

Taiyang: Heh heh... Thank you so much, sweetie~! (Wiggles butt happily)

Raven: (Panting outside the window, Agonized scream outside) OH MY GOD! PLEEEASE! (Inhales) TAKE ME BAAACK~! PLEASE~! (Sobbing) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TAKE ME BACK~! (Clasps) I'm begging you! PLEEEEEEEEEASE~!

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wu-gang-writing
Feb 16
Batshit insane semblance-siren
Jaune: *drops a stack of paper reports when he runs into Weiss*

Weiss: *Picks them up into a neat stack with the pseudo telekinesis*

Jaune: 'Hello? I'll take all the powers please and thank you.'

Weiss: Why can't you just be grateful?

Jaune: I am. But you cheat. Your family are soul-parasite chameleon-vampires.

Weiss: *folds arms in front of herself and glares at him* Explain yourself immediately.

Jaune: Is that an order?

Weiss: *nods*

Jaune: You have Schnee kids right? And each addition in the family tree becomes a new glyph. So after centuries? *Shrugs* What do you think the real reason you want kids with me is? Our powers have incredible synergy. Imagine that in a single kid.

Weiss: *mouth agape and staring at him*

Jaune: Thanks for the favor I guess but you reminded me exactly what I am sharing a planet with. Forgot my bedside manner. *Walking away*

Weiss: Wait-! *Rushes after him and grabs his hand* Wait! Is that true?!

Jaune: *stops and turns and looks* Which part?

Weiss: All of it... I guess...

Jaune: There's guesswork on my end. Just keep looking like a snack and it will all work out... Wanna bet you picked up a power for your voice at some point? Some hypnotism master thing? How about the fact you can see a little into the future?

Weiss: ...

Jaune: Batshit insane semblance-siren. *Leaves*

Weiss: .... What just happened to me? Did you guys hear all that?

Blake: I mean... Now that he put it into words I can absolutely see it.

Weiss: We aren't... Whatever that is. Are we?

Blake: Your sister and Qrow? Imagine if you could just flip his semblance onto your opponent like a switch - area of effect bad luck.

Weiss: ... Oh my gods...! I need to make a call.

---

wu-gang-writing
12h
Jaune: Weiss? You are the best thing that ever happened to me and if it took abusive parents for you to let me fuck you, then I'm glad your dad hit you and your mom was constantly drunk.

Weiss: Aw... You don't mean that...

Jaune: No. I'm glad you went through that.

Weiss: Aw...

Yang: Why the fuck does she think that was romantic?

Blake: Because of how affection was modeled for her growing up and how Jaune never so much as raises his voice at her: not once; not ever. Now watch this drive. Hey you two! You know they're just using you!

Weiss + Jaune: Yes. *Look at each other* Aw...

Yandere Ruby, Petty Tai, What If Schnee were the GoD version of SEW and Daddy Issues

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Team JNPR is a spectrum

Spoiler: slide

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Weiss is a Celebrity so..

Spoiler: Merch

reminds me of the Boruto Joke Card

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Robbing a Hunters Home

Spoiler: bad idea

They disposed of the body together

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Yang and Ruby have done this once

Spoiler: or Qrow and Raven

Qrow thrown by Raven and i can see Ruby try to throw Yang only for her to jump at the thugs herself

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If Jaune is a malewife so is Ren

Spoiler: top tier

i just see Ren in a bridal wear and Nora in a suit

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Blake Gets The Shame Punishment

Spoiler: Pulling A Blake

Kali idea

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Progression of Whiteknight

Spoiler: yup

the fact Neptune is pointing Jaune out is fun

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What The White Fang Needed

Spoiler: Poor Tuskin

i know they purged the dissidents from there ranks but still would make them stand out more outside the Haven talk down

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Tree is a deadbeat mom

Spoiler: basically

The Brother Gods: We need to fix this mess; no more immortality for anyone.

Salem: So, you're finally taking away my immortality?

Brother of Darkness: We are going to create a hell for people like you.

Salem: Wait, what?

Brother of Light: Before, everyone went to the Ever After; now, that destination will be for the good, while those who caused harm will go to a place to be punished in proportion to their misdeeds.

Salem: Wait—I don't want to be mortal anymore.

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Why Ozpin cancelled leadership class

Spoiler: stats speedrun

Congrats OZ Ruby and Jaune are making more SEW!

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Tai with Raven and Qrow?

Spoiler: tech support

would Summer show her gremlin side and also pretend to be tech illiterate?

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we needed more of Ruby being in Summers Shadow before the dumpster fire v9

Spoiler: or a scene

only in v9 do we get any summer ruby drama/trauma!

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FNKI V9 Abridged

Spoiler: 4koma

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Spoiler: Jump Him

View: https://www.reddit.com/r/YangXiaoLongSupremacy/comments/1vu7se2/hiru3152_had_team_rwby_beating_up_adam_taurus/#lightbox