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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. JeanEricVillon

    JeanEricVillon Getting out there.

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    Effects.
     
    Assblaster5000 and Mr Zoat like this.
  2. theaceoffire

    theaceoffire Versed in the lewd.

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    Our.

    Thank you for the update!
     
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  3. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    Damn, even the NPCs of a powerful organisation are rational and competent in this fic.

    This continues to be a breath of fresh air, which says sad things about current media
     
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  4. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Heh. Nothing happens on his ship without him knowing, eh? On the one hand, who knows what they've come up with. On the other hand, he has an asset aboard the Citizenry ship in need of extraction. And on the gripping hand, who wouldn't want to give the Reach a big middle finger by stealing the whole ship out from under them? :p

    He hopes. Honestly, it's all down to how nicely Allyn's work plays with the magical aspects of their stealth...

    Though I doubt he'd be so confident if he wasn't sure of the results, I suppose.

    Still, it's a big 'if'.

    Which may well be little beyond the Boom Tube generator.

    ...Things could get a little noisy, then. On the metaphysical level, at least.

    More importantly, how would they know how to repair it? Does Allyn have the schematics for a Boom Tube system in his Ring or even his meat-brain?

    That's a big ask... It would kind of require that their leader be willing to listen, too...

    ...Like talking to a teenager.

    Still so many unknowns. I don't know if I'd give them the go-ahead if I were Colos...

    Because there's at least one person who might be willing to reply... If she can do so without outing herself.

    Ooof, the kind of embarrassing aspect of his training...

    Given how it sounds, I can see why Colos is a little concerned.

    With the option to opt out in time. Though doing so would reduce the crew's efficiency.

    At least he's principled about it. I bet some of his comrades weren't.

    Okay, we get it, you're nervous about this stuff. Back on track...

    You have four Lanterns on board. At least one of them could tow it through a Boom Tube aperture...

    Which would be a lot of them, I bet. I doubt that many of their members were born to the people.

    ...True, for all you know, Grayven is entirely fleet-based. Unlikely if the Gordanians had any say, but...

    If this gamble pays off, I think the Command might excuse you going off-mission like this.

    If anything whatever they're doing to try and smoke the crew out might be obscuring surface details...

    Something from the Illustres' summer collection, I bet.

    Well, that's sneaky. Well done.

    ...Maybe if someone were looking at that exact spot at that exact moment...

    ...How fast is the ship, again? :p

    Good point. Half the challenge here is not thinking yourself into a game of second-guessing the enemy's knowledge.

    ...And what about everyone else? Have you polled their opinions on the matter, Zartok?

    Oh, he was just boasting about how this is not the day he'll die, huh?

    Fingers crossed for luck, then...

    Well, looks like Zartok's plan is a go, then, despite all the unknowns ahead of them. It shouldn't take too long for them to get into position, so we'll get to see if it works soon, I bet. And if it doesn't, then we get a big fireworks display as shit goes tits-up. Either way, it promises to be an exciting few chapters ahead.



    Extraneous space before the full stop.
     
  5. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Good point.

    A sword is one thing, but a portal generator is another.

    Granted, I think it may be possible for them to automatically gain some knowledge of the tech when they connect to it.

    I don't think he'd care what they think.
     
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  6. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  7. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    Allyn is literally the only single character in that chapter that isn't a canon DC character.
     
  8. Signaller

    Signaller Know what you're doing yet?

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    Does Allyn have a New God title? What happens if Grayven tries the "where is your name" trick on someone who can hear it but doesn't have the capacity to respond (distinct from someone who can't hear it, or who willfully ignores it)?
     
  9. Impatient_Quill

    Impatient_Quill I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    At least 3 of the new lanterns are lifted from the green lantern animated series.
     
  10. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    [blatant lies]No, he was in the background during the arc Donna was resurrected in.[/blatant lies]
     
  11. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    Replying to Vaermina.

    Zartok, Drusa and Grood from this episode of the green lantern animated series.

    I'm unsure if Allyn was Zoat made or from whatever DC comic dealt with Rhea the titan though.
     
  12. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    After Razer showed up in YJ, Word of Greg is that GLtAS is YJ canon adjacent.
     
  13. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    Vaermina said: "Gotta be honest here, this would have worked a lot better if you had used actual DC characters instead of random NPC's."

    So I was pointing out they were actually DC characters.

    Was Allyn an actual DC character or a Zoat created one?
     
  14. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    I don't have V blocked, I responded to him earlier in this conversation.

    I know that. I was pointing out that according to a YJ writer there's every reason to believe that Earth-16 has a Zartok, Drusa, and Grood.

    And Zoat already answered your question only four messages above- He made Allyn up, and before that I had already stated that Allyn wasn't a DC character.
     
  15. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    I have brought shame upon my family. I should've read earlier in the thread.

     
  16. Threadmarks: Counterpunched (part 16)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    18th January 2013
    23:27 GMT


    "Good work with Allyn."

    I feel nervous for a moment. Zartok paying someone a compliment isn't a common occurrence. Allyn is sitting at the bottom of a maintenance shaft closest to the outer hull, and we're waiting by an airlock.

    "Shouldn't we be closer to him? If he overloads again-."

    "Then he'll do whatever he feels necessary to please you. We're here because this is the fastest way off the ship if the Reach somehow detect him and we need to cover the ship's retreat. And because we can't do anything to make his job easier."

    True, though I wouldn't mind studying it in more detail. If only so that I know what it can and can't do. I hadn't realised that his 'god powers' could be used for mind control until he announced it, and despite what he said that's clearly what it is.

    But since he kept up his end of the bargain…

    "I'm going to request leave, when we get back. My lack of investment is holding me back, and if we're going to keep going on this sort of mission then I'm going to need to get stronger."

    Zartok inclines his head. "Granted. I hadn't considered that as an avenue for controlling him. I'm not used to it being a factor."

    What? Control?

    "What do you mean?"

    "I told you, I intend to restart my empire on the bones of the Reach. A task that will be much easier if Orange Lanterns are part of the pacification force. Grood adds to our muscle, and isn't a threat to me because he doesn't want what I want. You add technological fluency, and you're too risk-averse to ever challenge me. Allyn is honest and sensible, but might challenge me if I violated his sense of justice too readily. Appealing to his sense of compassion never occurred to me."

    "I didn't lie to him."

    "I know. He was just here at the time where you were finally prepared to take that step. But it will still work. It's a great deal easier to care about someone you know than someone you don't, god or not. And no one likes to throw away something they've put effort into."

    "Why would you want Allyn?"

    "When you're powerful, you're never short of people prepared to support you. Some of them will even be competent. But none of the generals who used to serve under me either tried to free me from captivity or tried to take power themselves. They were drawn to my personal strength, not the mission I set for them." His face takes on an expression of distaste. "And perhaps they could have counselled me better. Allyn's sense of justice is something that I want to learn how to use for my benefit."

    "Not interested in becoming a god?"

    "I don't fear death."

    "Rhea's descendents can still die."

    "Then what's the point of becoming one? I want to build an empire. If I can't inspire loyalty, real loyalty, then I've failed. Attempting to rule through mind control would indicate that I aimed to fail. And I will not fail again."

    I nod, as much to myself as to him.

    "So what happens if I find something to care about?"

    "That depends on what it is. I will need to keep an eye on you and adapt to whatever developments occur as a worthwhile challenge."

    "When did you… Decide to start an empire?"

    "When I ran out of foes to vanquish on my homeworld."

    "Alright, but you didn't need to. Your world wasn't threatened. Would your soldiers have rebelled if you'd sent them home?"

    He shakes his head. "No. Not so long as they were rewarded, and I ensured that they had something to do."

    "Then-."

    "Lantern Allyn to Lanterns Zartok and Drusa and Senior Darkstar Colos. I'm about to make the connection."

    "Colos here. We're on high alert. I'll be in touch the moment the Reach do anything unexpected."

    "Lantern Zartok. We're ready to support you the moment something goes awry."

    "Connecting in four, three, two, one, connected."

    Zartok nods. "Do you have control?"

    "I can… Feel it." Not By Strength By Guile.

    "Nothing from the Reach; no movement and their scans haven't changed."

    "It's not-. They haven't done a full conversion. There're New God systems, but they're… Too deep."

    "Can you activate anything else?"

    "Not precisely. I can… Try to push things, but that might do anything."

    "Is there a New God onboard?"

    "If there is, they're not connected to the systems. Do I proceed?"

    There's a delay, with Colos presumably considering the risks again.

    "Yes."

    "Activating crumbler. Crumbler active, moving forward."

    "No response from the Reach-."

    "I have something. Not a New God system. I've-. There's someone on the ship who considers themselves one of us."

    Zartok frowns. "We have a spy on board?"

    "Darkstars are intelligence operatives." Colos sounds frustrated. "I wasn't made aware of any operatives amongst the Citizenry, but we weren't expecting to encounter this situation. Can you make contact?"

    "Not unless they're another New God, and then I wouldn't be able to do much other than tell them that we're here. I.. could try to find a communication relay, or burrow deep enough to risk a radio transmission-."

    "No. We don't have the Citizenry's ciphers. It wouldn't look like their internal transmissions."

    "I can try finding part of their computer network. Since we don't have the schematic, I'll just be guessing where the cables are, but I should be able to avoid burrowing into a corridor."

    "That will have to-. Hold."

    I tense, then use my ring to access the ship's sensors.

    A small flotilla just entered the system. Two destroyer escorts, a troop transport and a cruiser.

    Energy readings on the cruiser suggest that there are two Scarab Warriors on board.

    "Allyn, the Reach boarding party has arrived, and they're heading for the ship. If they dock, we'll have to disengage. Scarab Warriors have better sensors than most of their ships. Do what you can to patch into their systems, but be prepared to disengage at a moment's notice."

    "I'll work as fast as I can."
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2023
  17. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    It's nice to know that Zartok's thought about what he really wants and is thinking up of a realistic way on how to get it.

    This reminds me of Common Sense OL. I hope we get to see more Godspeech abilities from Allyn in the future. Hopefully Paul can pick up a thing or two from him.

    Now I'm wondering what Jade's mission really is. Hope we get to see her POV again later.
     
  18. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Drusa again, I see. And yes, Zartok seems very much the sort of 'leader' to use social grease to manipulate his followers. A kind word here, a disciplining statement there, and you can shape an entire army's opinion...

    At least he's sensible enough not to crowd Allyn. Last thing the young godling needs is to have someone peeking over his shoulder as he tries something unfamiliar.

    It's not the sort of mind control you're probably thinking of, breaking someone utterly to your commands. His is more of a spiritually-backed willing submission to authority...

    And Zatok only considers his own angle in this matter, of course.

    I mean, having a god on the payroll, so to speak, is indubitably some kind of benefit...

    ...At least he's frank about his plans for each of them. I suspect if Drusa weren't so retiring, she might have had something to say about his estimation of her.

    Perceptive. Drusa does need someone other than herself to care about in order to properly externalise her desires. Still manipulative as hell.

    I wonder how long his little empire lasted after his capture? His generals probably fractured it seeking their own little fiefdoms...

    And with sufficient skill in the Orange Light, even death might not slow you down.

    Interesting that he can say that with so much determination, yet frame it as a desire.

    I guess you'll find out together.

    I mean, it's not like he woke up on morning and went 'I need to take over the world.'

    And unless they brought their families along, surely that would have played some part in it?

    Sooner or later, you would have found your Ganges.

    Cue the red lighting. Or not. I doubt they need any visual indicator of the tenseness of their situation...

    ...So far, so good?

    Don't be ashamed. Some of the greatest Hellenic heroes won by trickery...

    Ah. So they're going to have to board in order to access them.

    Or nothing at all. I'm guessing the Boom Tube system is little more than a bolt-on to the normal FTL drive assemblies.

    And the tension racks up a couple of notches...

    They've come this far, why stop in the middle?

    Well, there's that, at least.

    And there are going to be jaws hitting the floor when they find out who, if her relationship with OL is known to them...

    The joy of 'need-to-know basis' compartmentalisation.

    And depending on how the ship's decks are arranged, that might have meant popping out of a floor or a ceiling... Possibly right in front of someone.

    Uh-oh, Murphy's got some muck in his hand...

    So now they have a time limit.

    Pose like a boss, shit just got real. But it's not being tossed at the fan yet.

    And the difficulty of this mission just stepped up a dozen notches. A time limit, with high-treat enemies ready to pounce if you're detected. If they can pull this off, there's probably medals in their future. If not... Well, I suppose what's left of them will fit into a matchbox. Let's hope they can reach their woman on the inside, and get a little help from that front.



    I hadn't realised that his 'god powers' could be used...
    ...adapt to whatever developments occur as a worthwhile challenge."

    Delete 'it'.
     
  19. Vanbers

    Vanbers Well worn.

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    Honestly, I half expect the Reach know Jade's on board, and the reason they're trying to board or otherwise taking their time is to try and Scarab her for that emotional trauma factor to fight OL better.
     
  20. Silverias

    Silverias Know what you're doing yet?

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    Doing that would lead to an orange dawn across a thousand worlds.
     
  21. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I think I mentioned it before: one of his cousins took power, gave the territory Zartok took back and turned peaceful.

    Naturally, Zartok loathes him.
    Thank you, corrected.
     
  22. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Extra power, extended lifespan etc.

    This is actually kinda inspiring.
     
  23. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    part -> party
     
  24. BR549

    BR549 This is filth! FILTH!!

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    You know, I think Zartok would appreciate the collective works of Havelock Vetinari.
     
  25. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    Oh, he'd read it. But he wouldn't agree with much of it.
     
  26. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    Was rereading this part, and found that it doesn't link to the story part anymore. It goes to the page before the page that has the correct story part.
     
  27. Windona

    Windona Beetle Queen of Crackshipping

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    Because of this I totally expect Drusa to want something that doesn't align with Zartok's goals at the end
     
  28. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  29. rkyeun

    rkyeun Cabbitus Maximus

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  30. DeathReaperZ

    DeathReaperZ In the Void.

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    I'd say there's been more variation in the posts, having caught up recently, I can definitely say there's been more diverse situations.
     
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