Amelia, Worm AU [Complete]

Rhostadt - I happen to like the story fine as it is, for whatever that's worth. Different strokes, different folks, methinks. Different writers, professional or not, write in different ways, and not every reader prefers to read every writer out there. I hate trying to read stories by Dean Koontz, for example, and gave up after first two or of stories that I tried. As WizardTwo said, pretty much, this fanfic and it's parent / source material/ inspiration /whatever share a lot of similarities, beyond this being a fanfic of Worm, diverging during the Slaughterhouse Nine Arc. If you dislike it because of where its going, or seems to be going (that oft-said saying about assumptions comes to mind... ) than this is probably where said people starting to dislike it should take a break from it, and come back to it later and see if the problems they had are still there. From the hints TanaNari has been giving out, I'm beginning to get a hunch about where the story is going, I wanna see how it rides out, see if right or way off-base. Should be fun either way.

Spoiler

If you don't what I mean by that last line, TanaNari posted a small spoiler where he more or less stated outright that Eidolon would not be revealed as the Endmaker within his lifetime. 3 possibilities come to my mind. 1: This is an AU, Eidolon is not the Endmaker, someone else is. 2. Eidolon is the Endbringer, he will die sometime through the course of the story, and his role as Endbmaker will be revealed posthumously, possibly becoming just another dirty secret kept by Cauldron and / or Pantheon. 3. We're going to see a full or nearly full roster Endbringers before the story is over. I personally consider that third possibility to be the most likely, I'm pretty sure there's been hints throughout the story, the Author's notes, and comments by the author in between chapters to this effect, that this one of the things he hoped to explore while writing the fic. And power combinations, likely. Of course wrong about any or all of this, quite easily.

Heck to be honest, aside from wanting to see where things end up, I like reading Amelia more for the character interactions and shenanigans and power interactions than anything else. Also seeing interested in seeing how Avalon will come into being as a country and world. So at this pooint, good story is just gravy for me. And yes, I do think there's a lot of good gravy here. And I don't even like gravy. Hmm. Bad analogy. It's all chocolate. Yeah, can never have enough chocolate.

 

I think I get what Inverness , WizardTwo and Rhostadt are getting at.

In canon, Taylor fought street level crime; a big nasty in the shape of Lung, then foes that she could more easily face, but scaling up all the time. Then came Leviathan, which was another enemy she couldn't really go toe to toe with. She gets out of that, and faces the Nine, Echidna, other enemies, ones she could plan for, and work against, but still ones she could make a dent against. It's a hard slog, but she's dealing.

Then she decides that the PRT is being too much of a bother, gives herself up, kills Tagg and Alexandria (proving how much she's improved) and then starts being a superhero.

Then she faces Behemoth (another foe she can't go toe to toe with), then the timeskip, then other Endbringers, then the S9K happens; enemies she can plan for, sometimes face off against herself, but they can defeat. Culminating, of course, with Jack pulling Scion's chain, and Gold Morning.

Now, this battle is different. She can't go toe to toe against Scion, until she can (via ALL THE CAPES!). She fights him, she beats him, she wins. Sort of.

But the whole story is an upward progression. Big bad, lots of little foes, bigger bad, smaller foes that force her to escalate some more, really big bad .... you see what I mean?

In canon, the foes they had to pull out all the guns against were separated by ones they had to work to beat, but were actually beatable.

In this story, it's starting to feel like there's nothing but Endbringers to face anymore. Nothing that is just a simple match for them, but things that laugh at their every preparation.

In a roleplaying game at this point, the players would be asking for "some level-appropriate foes, please".

 

Thank you, Rhostadt (fake edit: and Ack), for presenting my basic argument much better than I could. My ability to identify a problem has little to do with my ability to perfectly diagnose it, and it definitely doesn't mean I have any idea about how to fix it.

That would work best if it was presented something like this:

Anything afterwards would just drag the story down.

 

Wiz seems to be a bit off to the side of the point. But the rest are specifically complaining about things I specifically put into the story intentionally. They may not *like* what I'm doing, but I've explained to them, repeatedly, than I'm doing it on purpose. So their complaints are just that, complaints.

I covered that in the first 150 or so chapters.

I'll grant you, I enjoyed that part of the story immensely. I miss it, even. But it's no longer realistic for the setting and how the story has evolved.

Well, yeah, that's because there really isn't. That, too, is part of the point.

http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=612

What works in a story, and what works in an RPG are nowhere near the same thing.

 

Life is (not) a game...there is (never) a fair chance of winning,if you know what your doing.The Endbringer's are punishing Pantheon for not playing by their rules.they attacked Brockton Bay to show them they have no power to protect their home,Franch is a political attack...about Avalon,the message about it has more layers then a onion.

 

To be honest, at this point of the story, I'm more interested in the social impact of Pantheon than well...more Endbringers.

That, and more underage threesome, symbiosis lesbians, undead possibly futanari trollnado, actual normal lesbians, super immortal pedo interaction and Zach.

Definitely more Zach.

 

... *slow claps*

Talk about your laconic descriptions.

 

And the reference I was looking for, thanks

 

You know TanaNari, you seem bound and determined to write an unenjoyable story, and yet you keep failing.

Please fail harder.

 

This guy could've been so much more horrifying if there actually *was* a way to save the zombies. Raw bodycount doesn't mean much after things like Kyushu and New Delhi, but to find out you've just murdered a whole city *only* because you couldn't contain them with nonlethal measures?

Also, I'm sad there won't be a canon!Khepri!Riley dance-off with Scion.

 

They'd have to expand a fair distance to get that, at which point they're possibly capable of dealing with them. that's one of the things the entities try to keep from happening.

Pretty sure that's not the case. Their individual shards might, sure. But if they themselves outnumber the stars in the sky then when they all set out in the first place every single star would have been visited already by now.

 

So it looks like they got 1,5M people out of the city (which is impressive), but probably not the urban area.

I'm looking forward to a PHO thread asking Pantheon to stop halping.

 

Oops?

Thanks Calvert. You've actually made things better!

 

TanaNari
I think part of the problem is the pacing. This fight started in chapter 312, and I'm going to guess has another chapter or two before the story's back to "not an Endbringer fight." The Leviathan fight started in 294, and went until 296. The Wendigo fight started in 268 and ended in 273. Tohu and Bohu makes thing weird, but probably fits as 250 to 252.

So, starting from there, that's 3 chapters of Endbringer fight, then 16 chapters of other stuff. 6 chapters of Endbringer fight, 20 chapters of other stuff. 3 chapters of fight, 15 chapters of other stuff, and now about 5 or 6 chapters of fight. Even though Earth Bet is now, probably, signed up for the Endbringer of the Month club, the fights last about twelve hours. The Endbringer fights seem to take up a disproportionate amount of chapter real estate for the amount of time they actually take.

I'm fairly sure you'll say that it's because that the Endbringers are the only threat they face, other than Scion, but it's not the only problem they face. Missy's after school special got a paragraph or two of foreshadowing, and then about two and a half to three chapters. Taylia adopting off Lily got a chapter for the negotiation and a chapter for the fallout. The mass trigger test got the chapter about it, and then a chapter of Lisa and Alexandria drafting the results. The rest of the space between Leviathan and this new one was just looking in to say, "Yup, that portion of the cast is still there, doing their thing."

Does the entire month beyond the Endbringer fight consist of boring paperwork, convoluted Empress stuff, searching for new things to do during the Endbringer fight, and some random drama thrown in so the fic doesn't become "Check out my cool new Endbringers"?

It just seems that, looking back, there have been piles of new plot threads started since the Butcher arc, and none really tied off. Even the Bond breaking in that arc was more tossed in the corner and ignored instead of actually dealt with.

I realize this diverged rather far from where I started, and is rather scatter shot in pointing out the issues that I see, but I hope that there's actually something useful you can take out of this mess of a post.

 

Which honestly felt to me like I was dragging it out. That resolved itself, in as much as it can. Lesson learned. What more is there for me to write on the subject? Plot point tied up in a neat little bow. Immediate fallout dealt with as much as it can be. Long term fallout? Well, that takes more than a few weeks to resolve, don't you think?

I mean, they ARE still kids who think a chaste little peck on the lips is a "real kiss".

... Well, Theo knows better, but he also knows how suicidally stupid it would be to actually say anything on the subject.

Well, that one's still in its not quite resolved phase- this kind of politicking can take *years* to properly resolve itself. There's not that much left to say about it in the short term.

A Lily gets a parade in Japan chapter can/will be done. But there's nothing plot relevant to really put in it that can't just be covered offscreen with a total of two sentences to equal effect, so it'd be a pure filler chapter. Not that I'm opposed to those, it's fun expanding the world a bit more. But if a chapter can be skipped without missing anything of value. It's not a good chapter.

What more would you have me write? It happens. Everyone goes home to do their thing. There's nothing left to explore here. A bunch more chapters of the new parahumans? Who haven't actually done anything or been recruited yet?

I mean, yes, it's a chapter meant to set a stage. But again, these things take *time*.

More or less. Things are as stable as they're going to get. Relationships are evolving, characters are growing up and/or breaking down. But unless I want to inject utterly pointless story arcs that achieve nothing (and earn my utter contempt when done), the story's more or less reached the point of equilibrium, short term. Lots of big plans that take time but aren't interesting to discuss until things start happening. That's where they're at.

Yeah, mostly. Paperwork. Urban(ish) planning. Zoning laws. Negotiations with various nations to see about local portals. Boring, boring shit. Again, they've reached an equilibrium.

You mean the one that one of the characters died to forget happened and no one else has the heart to tell her (copy) about? That one?

... Honestly, at this point Taylor would probably shrug it off if she found out, she's had several months of relative happiness after the fact, after all. But Amelia's happy, Taylor's happy, and Lisa's backed off because she fucked up horribly when she tried to meddle. It is resolved. Perhaps not pretty. But resolved.

Eh, I'm fine with scattershot. Hopefully my reply shows you that, as far as I can tell, I've already thought of the things you're bringing up, and chosen not to run with them for actual reasons that are thought out.

 

Jesus tap-dancing Christ.

I'm not sure what's more horrifying: The clean-up of the latest Endbringer, the extent of Moord Nag's potentially current threat, the implications of just how many Capes needed an amputation and downcheck....

Or just how adjusted to being a can-do mindfucked slave Coil's become. I mean, the guy's an asshole, sure, but only needing three thought-process-interrupts in this mess? Despite interacting with Lisa and seeing just how far Pantheon has gone along the path he hoped for?

Unnerving.

On another note, can we get WoG about the possibility that, unlike the Butcher, this form of body-jacking is capable of permanently taking Parahumans, even with the resurrection/cloning tech, by infecting the Parahuman Shard and programming it to re-infect the host when they're active again? I don't think it's likely, but I'd appreciate reassurance anyway.

 

I see Calvert's crimethink inhibitor is becoming faster and more seamless as it adapts to his mind, and as he becomes molded by it. In 3 out of 4 cases, it's able to complete his thoughts with a similar thought.

Compare to Ch 104, about 9 months prior to this update:

Speaking of which, his annual inhibitor checkup is coming up.

four

 

They still have the Bolas. Seems like the thing to do, blast the city from space. Collapse the moord nag timeline, evacuate and fire in one timeline, try more conventional tactics in another.

 

I agree. Partially. They still have weapons of mass mass mass destruction. Evacuate the world, let the fire sort everything out.

 

I picked David Bowie"s "Heroes" as played by Peter Gabriel because even in the Most darkest of fix fics,in this moment Calvert and Moord Nag can be Heroes,just one day...if they survive.

Spoiler: Heroes

---

I'm going to Name this scary Love boat "Unstoppable aka Heroes" = Thomas Calvert/Moord Nag

 

One thing Wildbow succeeded in spectacularly was characterisation for a huge ensemble. (Because Worm was preceded by several years of drafts.) Soooo, treat your huge ensemble as an opportunity to excel at concise characterisation.

 

Next chapter:
"Ok, so we lost 80% of the members of every organization to this last Endbringer and for some reason our resurrection tech wont work for them. We've decided to continue on without them, and never mention them again!"

Original wording, before I realized what I was saying?
"Ok, so we lost 80% of every member of every organization"
Oops

 

Well, that.

And he kills them off faster than A-10 strafing run on medieval army formation too.

 

I guess that depends on whether or not I'm succeeding here.

One of those limits of fanfic- you're a weed in someone else's garden. It's up to you to grow into the terrain, because it wasn't made for you.

 

yet he never got a nickname like kill'em all Yamato or Fate/zero's Urobutcher and then there's the game of throne's The GRRM Reaper.

 

There's a fun little card game called Redshirts, where you win by killing off the aforementioned Redshirts.

It's very silly. And has a very high body count.

 

I would hope so. I haven't read anyone elses arguments, as I said before, I've been ignoring the thread for a month. These are my own ideas.

There are nearly (but not quite) infinite universes (and yes I know mathematically that doesn't work. Its shorthand for 'lots and lots I don't know if we have a number big enough'), Scion keeps people from visiting any but a relatively small number. We know that the entities basically filled up their home universe, if I'm remembering this correctly. That's a LOT of entities.

In each universe, different planets could be populated, different species evolve and make different decisions. Even if every sentient race in ONE universe was visited, there could be billions more in billions of other universes for the entities to go nomnom on.

 

They filled their planet. Not their universe.

At least, as far as I recall.

 

But isn't each entitiy individually larger than a planet ?

The truth comes out, there was only ever Scion and Eden, and their universal extermination gambit was the result of them literally being squished together on one planet, each bemoaning how fat the other was.

Ten millenia of Zion's butt on your face would drive anyone to genocide.