My Little Devourlord Can't Be This Cute!

Growing tired of the awkward silence and odd looks that your minions were giving you, you decide to take it upon yourself to restart the conversation. Nudging Sakura to remind her of just why your having her share your seat you pose the question you had been slightly curious about.

[Q]So tell me more about this "Holy Grail".
[Q]What exactly do you want it for?

You had been given a run down of the basics last night over dinner at the now destroyed Emiya household. Once every 60 years 7 mages would come to the city you have now unofficially claimed to battle for the Holy Grail, a "Crystallized Miracle" capable of granting any wish. And apparently, just for the hell of it they each summon the ghost of a hero, a Heroic Spirit, who's deeds in life had been epic enough to posthumously engraved their names onto the world itself for all eternity. They would each battle until the last team standing and claim the Grail and their wish. Other than that there were no rules, to bars held, nothing to tide the horrible nightmarish things people would do for just the hope of an absolute wish. It was needlessly theatrical, over complicated, exceptionally deadly to everyone even remotely involved, and a chaotic mess that threatened to destroy itself. It was just tooperfect, you couldn't have been summoned to a better place! Even had you been content to laze back and watch the bugs it would have provided entertainment. Now though you've entered into the equation, some meddling might be necessary to provide a good show.

You had also been briefed on the other servants. One of which was your first pet, Caster, who was of a class famed as being gods among magicians during the time when magic was at it's peak. Needless to say this didn't really give you high hopes for the rest. Then there was Archer, who were famed for their bows (not that it wasn't obvious from the name). Give how the one you fought had used swords either the Redblack bitch was spewing crap or her servant was probably defective. Lancers used lances, something about being agile too. Riders who of course ride things, Assassins who where of course assassins, Berzerkers who were mindless and strong, and Sabers who used swords. ...They really should look into getting someone with more imagination than a particularly stupid rock to name their stuff.

You eat the food offered by Sakura and take a look around the room once again, unfortunately the silence hasn't left though at least they aren't staring like imbeciles anymore. Still you asked them a question, and you aren't going to allow your minions to ignore you.

[Q]Caster, I take it that this war is the reason you chose to summon me here.

The blue hair woman flinches a bit at being put on the spot and your intense stare. Out of the corner of your eye you notice that both Redblack and Saber are giving her shocked looks, Shirou is confused, and Soichirou stops eating. You just continue to glare at the witch impatiently waiting for her answer, while not phrased as a question it was a wordless unsubtle command for answers. Caster seemed to understand that too.

"That is... not entirely inaccurate, but not completely true either," She begins, smoothing her dress and regaining composure, "I had initially been hoping to exploit a loophole in the grail system, in that only 6 servants had been summoned. The last would have been Assassin, though I deemed the class too weak so adjusted the ritual to summon a servant into a stronger class already summoned, the servant Saber.

"What would have happen regardless of class though would be the summoning of a nameless wraith to imitate a fictional hero rather than," She motions to you, "I have no idea what could have caused this, and I know for certain that you are not what I had initially summoned, in fact I had been sure I had succeeded at first. Though that assumption had been proven wrong when the young man appeared to be eaten from the inside out not even 30 seconds later." Caster sighs a bit and uses her fork to play with the eggs on her plate, "Though it pains me to admit, I have no idea why you are here, as far as I know the summoning had been preformed flawlessly and what lead to your... arrival was something else entirely. You are not a Wraith, nor a servant, nor close to anything I can ever recall encountering."

Well that was... not really very enlightening. Other than learning that Caster had not been meaning to free you none of the rest of the information was of any value or significance. Well for you at least, Redblack however is openly gaping at Caster as if the woman had just revealed that she was the younger girls mother. Which reminds you...

[X]While we're on the subject I would like to lay downs some rules. Rule 1) Breeding in the castle is prohibited.

Redblack, and to a lesser degree everyone else, seem surprised at your announcement. Odd, you wonder why this would come as a shock, after all why would you ever allow them to bring annoying little poop smelling constantly crying life into the world? And to let it into your brand new castle, this is the center for a blood thirsty regime not a daycare! Bad enough that those blasted unions restricted the torture hours from 24 to 22 now they wanted babysitting that didn't end with a nice bar-b-Que. You were the Devoirlord, who would fear for their puny lives when you had those little shit stains running round your castle messing up your digs?

[Q]I'm pretty laid back, if you guys for what ever asinine reason feel the desire to propagate your worthless little meatbag species by all means proceed. I couldn't give two fucks about what you little sacks of shit do with your free time, but as I'm not running a brothel; don't bring it into my castle.
Well, maybe if they smothered their spawn in gravy and served it to you with a side of mashed hotpods but that would likely defeat the purpose of why they procreated in the first place.

"Wh-What does that have to do with anything!?" Poor poor simple minded Redblack, can't even follow such an easy to read line of thought. Perhaps it was your fault for believing that she could have the mental facilities to understand words with more than a single syllable. "Hey what's with that superior look? Don't give me that face like you're humoring a child!"

[Q]Rule 2) Wipe your feet before entering the castle. I've no patients to waste on slobs.

"What, hey! Go back to that first one we're not through with it!"

[Q]Rule 3) Lights out is at 10 pm sharp.

"Dammit, don't just ignore me!"

[Q]Rule 4) Clean up after yourselves around the castle, it's just common courtesy and will make your force cohabitation all that much more comfortable.
[Q]I know I shouldn't even have to say it but the last group I had were just a bunch of pigs. Pinott kept leaving his feathers everywhere and I swear Shauna never once cleaned up the shower after she used it, coulda made a wig out of all that hair!

"Wait, why do these sound like the rules to live in a dorm?"

[Q]Rule 5) Pets are allowed but are the responsibility of the owner. If you want to keep one you are gonna have to be the one to clean, feed, and exercise it. You hear that Caster? If Saber starts clawing up the furniture or shits on the carpet you better fix it before I get back or she's getting the boot!

"Hey!" You ignore the bound girl, the important thing is that Caster agrees. Good, the last thing you need is another Trisha to mess up your brand new castle.

[Q]Rule 6) Once a week, starting this Sunday, will be Minion Bonding Time and attendance is mandatory on threat of 'your head aslpode' got it?

A quick glare around the room made sure that everyone indeed 'Got it'. You take the opportunity to partake of more of Sakura's offered food before continuing to the last rule.

[Q]Rule 7) No violence in the castle. Any attempts to murder, maim, cripple, disfigure, or attack either me or your fellow labor monkeys will be punished by either Reduced, retracted, or even Negative salary.

"What the hell? Why does that last one sound tacked on!?" Redblack complains again, girl is worse than Caster you swear, "Do you have some kind of screw up priorities like Emiya? And why just a reduced sal-" She paused mid-rant abruptly than whipped with her head to face you. A-are her eyes actually sparkling? "Salaries you say, how much are we talking about here?"

[Q]We aren't talking anything at all. You don't get paid anything.

You raise a hand to preemptively silence her expected outburst. You then gesture to both of your first minions, Shirou, and nod to Sakura (again taking the time to grab another bite of offered food).

[Q]They are minions, vassals, underlings, etc. They get the Gold package which has a very large pay rate plus a host of benefits including but not limited too: Dental, Insurance, Sick leave, Maternity, and incentive bonuses on predetermined villainous acts!

You then point to Redblack and Saber.

[Q]You two unfortunately only qualify for the Brown package, reserved for prisoners, pets, and door to door salesmen. Benefits include and are definitely limited too: Zero or negative pay, a no expense payed non-refusable stay in our most horrible dungeon, random infliction of cruel and unusual torture upon your person, 27 hour workdays, zero days off, reverse vacation, and immediate execution revival and reexecution if you ever try to sell me your company's shitty products.

The two could only stare at you in mute shock.

[Q]My apologizes if your new job is not what you imagined it but they were the only available positions. We are an up and coming company, expanding interdenominationally, and experiencing rapid growth in all sectors, if you wanted a better contract than you should have sought us out earlier before all the higher positions were filled. But please sit tight, with time and effort I'm sure you can advance all the way up to Slave or even whipping boy! If you have any questions please refer to these pamphlets.

You hand both of them a couple inch thick scrolls labeled 'So you've been enslaved against your will by an Overlord: A beginners guide to dealing with your new lord and master' and 'The Prinny Manifesto: How to make your 3 pennies a year work for you!'. Caster ended up having to take Saber's seeing as she was still tied up, Rin however just refused hers.

"The hell I'm going to accept that! I didn't ask for this!"

[Q]If you would like I could summon my HR department to deal with this if you think you deserve a higher grade package...

"Of course I deserve better," Redblack seems to have an odd lilt in her voice as she's speaking, "And I would just love to see you summon your HR department."

"Uh, Rin I don't thing you should-"

[Q]Excellent. BOB!

With an effort of will you summon the appropriate vassal. With a snap of your fingers he appears behind your chair of to the side. Almost immediately the smell penetrates your nose. The rest of your minions, sans Mr. Stoic of course, appear shocked. You don't really blame them, Bob, you see, was a Zombie.

It had happened in one particularly odd reset when you thought to try and recreate Ghestal's condition in other corpses. Needless to say it failed enjoyably! The resulting insult to all that was good and innocent in the world had escaped it's cell and infected a nearby town and provided quite a bit of entertainment for you as it infected most of the country. Needless to say you wiped them all out when it got boring but you kept a few that peaked your interest. Bob was one of them. Being soulless abominations with rotting flesh and a hunger for human flesh you had decided to put them to work in your just then invented bureaucratic department. Seeing as Bob showed pleasure in the pain of his victims rather than just sustaining himself off their misery you had made him the head of your Human Resources department.

[Q]Howdy Bob, how're the kids?

"Braaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnssss...." Several of your companions reel back in combination of his gravelly voice and horrible breath.

[Q]Oh to shreds you say? How's your wife, Murial I think, holding up?

"Braaaiiinnnnnnss"

[Q]Too shreds you say? Well let me be the first to congratulate you on the good news Bob. But onto business; this girl here seems to think she's been misplaced to a lower level...

"Braaaaiiinns..." Oh god you can feel the headache this is gonna cause already. You lower your head and massage your temples

[Q]Yes, so I will be needing Forms 777.893 and 664.938(z) then? In triplicate? ...of course.

"Braaaaiiiinnnnssss?"

[Q]Of course the abridge versions Bob, what do you think I pay you for. I swear if you didn't make everyone else so miserable I'd have set you on fire a long time ago.

"Brrraaaaaiiinnnnnnnnsssssss."

[Q]What? Of course I pay you Bob! You check is just in the mail.

"Brains!"

[Q]Because the last time I gave it to you in person you got brains all over my new rug! Do you know how many Redflanks it took to make that thing?

Snatching large stack of paper out of his hands you dismiss your minion back to where ever the hell he had been before he could protest. Best not to let him speak to much lest you give in and let him have that raise, the bastard had a hell of a way with words. Thankfully Bob seemed to have remember to wear his gloves this time seeing as the several foot high stack of paper was not stained in horrible fluids not smelled of rotten meat. You toss the bricks to land in front of Redblack with a loud bang.

[Q]Fill that out and return it to me, in 3 to 6 weeks we'll see if you qualify for a promotion.

"What, no! I didn't, That was a jo-" You ignore the girl however as you remember something important. You open your mouth wide and reach inside. After a bit of rummaging you pull out what your were looking for, 4 large sacks, 3 about the size of your head and the fourth being about the size of your torso. You set one of the smaller ones in front of you for Sakura, and toss the other two to Caster and Soichirou, the largest is thrown in Shirou's directions. He did in fact catch it, though apparently greatly underestimated it's weight, and fell backwards from the momentum and spilled it's contents. Gold, Silver, various jewels and precious metals, and spices litter the floor, you frown. He better clean that up. You turn your attention back on Rin.

[Q]I'm sorry you were saying?

"...So 3 to 6 weeks then?"




[X] Off to explore the town!
[X] Off to slaughter the town!
[X] Off to random city to begin conquest!
[X] Seriously what the hell is that racket outside.
[X] Write in.