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Mikheil actually has turned his minders into assets simply from trusting them always acting out his orders he can explain to Lenin as a collar he willingly puts on while making enough rope for his brother Stalin to come from outside then untie any knots MIkheil makes on his potential Noose.
Yea should have seen the first design I had was way to fast and even tho I'm trying to slow it down on this 3rd go at this didn't realize I was missing the motivation part of the characters that's why I asked for feedback im probably gonna leave the first few chapters alone as a show of growth...
Eh, I think not too badly. He does at least get over it and quits bothering her. Other characters have done far stupider things to gain a crush's attention. And to be fair, story wise it's kind of Weiss's own fault for Jaune's constant flirting attempts.
The biggest issue I'm seeing is that you're rushing through things and not really enjoying the journey itself, you keep jumping from location to location without really building up the tension, setting, characters etc....
Your story premise is interesting and you did have a good hook to draw...
...thought, Hilda's voice, sharp and urgent, cut through the noise. "Everyone, scatter! Get behind the trees!"
We all dove for cover, the deafening *thud* of the stones hitting the forest floor and the thick trunks of the trees right where we had been standing. The ground shook with each...
The morning air was cool and crisp, carrying the scent of pine and damp earth. I walked with my new friends, a comfortable rhythm settling into our strides. The road to Veilstone City was not a road at all, but a winding dirt path that cut through a dense, wild forest. The trees stood tall and...
The moment the gym official's voice announced my victory, the tension that had been a tight knot in my stomach for the past half hour unraveled completely. I felt a wave of relief so intense it made my knees weak. Rocky, his stony body now still, floated in place, his small eyes gleaming with an...
I would think that since the Sullustan captain was complaining about the booze in Minda, then there will eventually be people from various worlds with experience in making booze eventually deciding to start up distilleries there. Hearing about how there are potential places to build...
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POV: Kaela Arden.
I was silent for a moment. “Alright, but I need some assurances.”
The acting captain raised an eyebrow. “Name it.”
“This belt has a significant number of high-density asteroids. We were planning on setting up a mining and industrial base.”
Jill Pearce narrowed her...
- - -
POV: Kaela Arden
I shuddered as I stared out the front window. “It glitters like gold…”
Re’vok nodded. “Lets hope we actually make it back.”
I couldn’t move my eyes away. Arthur had found images of the Pax Magellanic in the Curator archive. They had left me totally unprepared for what...
The sun set behind us, its final rays stretching long, pale fingers through the trees as we stood at the edge of the Eterna Forest. From a distance, it had looked like a wall of green, a massive, unbroken silhouette against the fiery sky. But up close, it was something else entirely. The trees...
Threadmarks: Chapter #48: Searching for the Pax Magellanic
- - -
POV: Kaela Arden
With a woosh, hyperspace gave way to the pale yellow glow of a desertified planet.
From the command chair, Re’vok spoke “Cloaking.” The hum of the cloak activation filled my ears.
“Do we have confirmation that the others are with us,” I asked him.
He nodded...
Hello there,
If you enjoy my stories you can read advanced chapters in my patreon page
Commander Shepard, The Greatest to Ever Live, a Mass Effect story where Shepard is greater than ever,
Geek's Guide to Thriving in a Low End Fantasy World a Robert Baratheon OC SI in an AU,
Her Eternal...