A Cat’s Lazy Muse

[Ocelot-1]

Prologue: And Then There Were Five (Part One)
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'Life moves fast.' Callum mused.



Just a week ago he'd been living his life as most people his age did; chasing girls, pretending to study so that his mom wouldn't get mad at him, putting off homework until the last minute, doing chores, and hanging out with his friends.



Unlike most, he was also built different - physically and mentally. He learned at a prodigious pace, breaking down and analysing information so quickly that he quickly grew bored, and thus made way for his lackluster attitude to school, and his physique was leagues above his peers from birth despite his lack of training.



Not too brag, but give him a sport, any sport, then put him in a ring and he would swiftly rise to the occasion. Not enough to beat those who'd been at it for years of their life, bit enough that he would go from a bumbling fool of a beginner, to competent and if he continued learning, the ace of his team.



Much like his schoolwork, this easy brought boredom too.



Not that it mattered now.



'Way too fast.' He thought grimly.



Callum often heard that life was short; that it could be taken away from you at any moment.



One blink is all it would take, and you could be lying at your deathbed, two feet in the grave, only then realising how much of your life you wasted.



Only then realising that you could have been truly great.



It could even be cut short early. Maybe it was a slip where you hit your head the wrong way and bled out. Or maybe you happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Hell, maybe even the right place at the wrong time. The number of ways that a life could end were as innumerable as the grains of sand in the Sahara Desert.



Effectively infinite to the human mind.



The lesson one should take from this is that life is short and if you are among those lucky enough to have won your first race, to have been born in post-scarecity society, then living life to the fullest is a must.



Callum had heard this, nodded, and said, 'Sure buddy.' He was sixteen, still young, and he had doubted his life would be coming to an end anytime soon.



'What a dumbass.' He mused, resisting the urge to sigh, for what business did a dead man have playing at the role of the living?



The thought brought him back to his death.



And what an embarrassing death it was.



A mix of haste and stupidity – skipping a red light with his headphones on; he only noticed the truck's shadow and honk when it was too late. If it wasn't for the music, maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe he would still be alive.



But they didn't, 'And now I'm dead.'



He remembered the impact in vivid detail – the slow motion realisation, the useless surge of adrenaline and panicked movement; the wet crunch of bone and flesh against steel, the blur of colour as he was ragdolled into the air, the sickening squelch of his body hitting the floor.



A brief, searing pain. The sharp screams of those around him, drowned out as they were by his agony. And then, darkness.



Now, he was here, a disembodied soul, aimlessly adrift in an infinite void of darkness.



Was this Hell? Maybe, but Callum doubted it. He may never have touched or read a Bible in his life, but this place certainly didn't match its various portrayals in media – there was no fire and brimstone, frost and ice – just… nothing.



He tried to distract himself with memories. His first birthday party, moving to Germany and the struggle and accomplishment that came with learning a new language, making friends, reflecting on his life, getting his girlfriend, the pride in his mother's eyes.



… The grief she must have felt. The friends he left behind. His wife-that-never was, or rather would never get-to-be. The things he put off believing he still had time. Tasks, reconnecting with old friends, keeping in touch with family.



Fuck, the more he thought about it, the more regrets piled up. It made him feel small, his life wasted.



'Hah, how sad. It only took dying to light a fire under my ass and an appreciation for life. Fat load of good that does me.'



Fuck him. Fuck life. Fuck God for taking him before his time.



'It's not fucking fair.' He thought bitterly.



If only he could start over again. Do things differently. Be more.



But Fate didn't care for what-ifs.



On and on he stewed, falling deeper and deeper into the pit of self loathing and pity, before he, slowly, piece by piece, picked himself back up. Rebuilded. And, slowly but surely, he came to accept the truth of things.



He was dead.



There was no changing that. No point in dwelling on the past. In regret.



It was kinda… peaceful, actually. In a morbid kind of way.



His emotions settled. His mind quieted. And time?



Time marched on.



How long he stayed in that state – minutes, days, years, centuries – he wasn't sure, but then something roused him from his 'sleep'.



He felt a stir, a ripple pass over him, followed by a bright flash of light; and a chill through his being. As if it were reacting to a great tragedy he wasn't aware of.



He blinked. 'O…kay? That was… something.' A little weird, but, not any weirder than ending up here, he suppose-



The thought was cut off as soon as he heard something. Far, distant, but… getting closer?



His metaphysical brows went up. 'Is that… music? No, there's something else in there, too.'



The sounds got closer and closer until he was able to make it out.



It was the sound of lapping waves and, yes, music. Bone-deep, chilling music. Manufactured to cast dread, as if carried the eerie, undeniable weight of Death. But yes, it was music all the same.



'Holy shit.'



His mind buzzed with activity. Several emotions flashed through his mind. First Hope. Then Denial. Disbelief. And finally, yearning.



He crushed the latter as soon it's it arrived, 'No, no. You're deluding yourself. Stop.' Callum self-flaggellated, 'I'm probably just going crazy or something. I already made peace with my death.'



That thought was more preferable than the possibility of having his fleeting hope grinded to dust.



As if to confirm his suspicions, the sounds stopped.



…



'… Yeah, that figures.' Despite himself, there was more than a bit of bitterness in the thought than he cared to admit.



Then-



"Ah, there you are!" A voice called happily.



'Huh?' Callum did a double take. If he had a physical body, his heart would be pounding and his eyes wide.



The voice sounded bouncy, energetic. Like life and zest made manifest. "I was kinda worried that I wouldn't find you on time." It continued casually. "The Young Master would have been so pissed if I didn't. Then again, he did make me zip through four other universes just before this, so… eh. Not my fault if you wound up dying before this. Still, lucky you, eh?"



Was he hallucinating? Broken? Insane? Had The Devil changed things up since he'd gotten over the first hurdle thrown at him?



Or… it – his judging by the tone – words, was this a chance? The light at the end of the tunnel.



Hope.



"I… are you an Angel?" Callum asked. His voice came out strained, gravelly, like a man who was learning to speak again after decades of not using his voice.



"An Angel?" The voice howled, falling into boisterous laughter. " Heh! Hahahaha! Oh, Creator no! I'm not one of His creations, no." The being chuckled, taking a moment to recompose.



"I'm no Angel." He stated, "I'm but a humble Ferryman, you see." He sounded amused, as if speaking of an inside joke. "Now! Usually, this would be the part where I take you to your resting place, but! – lucky you, for some reason, the Young Master is interested in you. Now, I can't force you to come with me, but I can damn well make an appealing offer. And so, I offer thee – Salvation!" He cried dramatically, probably doing some showmanship behind the film of darkness that was the void.



"Salvation?" The word came out broken, like a man who'd had hope dangled in his face, just to see it be crushed in front of him



"Your world has no afterlife." The Not-Angel said, "Some jackass went and killed off the local Gods. Evidentially, he didn't have contingencies in place for the consequences of his actions; the Wheel of Reincarnation went with them, and since said jackass was unable to fix it - now, there's just… this place. A void where all souls go to die."



His voice took on a tone of deep interest, "At least that's how it's supposed to go. Most souls blink out in nanoseconds. I'm sure you felt it. The flash bang of souls that just occurred a bit ago. But you, that didn't happen to you. You've been here for nine centuries. And yet, you're still kicking, still going strong and on track to live a thousand more years from now. Impressive. And oh so very interesting. I can see why the Young Master sent me for you." The Ferryman mused.



Callum's eyes widened, "Nine-!"



"Yep! Now, before you freak out, I'm on a bit of a timer right now - deadlines to meet and all that. So let me just make my offer, and I'll be out of your hair. My Master has a task for you, do so and you get rewarded. Simple, right?"



"I guess?"



"Perfect. I take it that's a yes then." Callum went to respond. "Or would you rather stay in this dumpster fire until the next Big Bang?" Callum's mouth closed. "Well?"



"I… deal." Callum said slowly.



The Ferryman chuckled, "Now now, no need to sound distrustful. I'm not gonna do anything to you. Just put in a good word for me, yeah?"



Callum didn't get a chance to respond. He just heard a snap. And then he was elsewhere.





Sat in a a plush chair opposite of a Man-That-Is-Not-A-Man sitting behind a plain desk.



And he knew. On some deep, primal level, that he- this Thing, was no Human; rather, it was a force of nature given form. A being so far beyond comprehension, it was akin to a God trying, and failing, to play at being human.



The Smiling God, his mind supplied, and when the being looked up, a shiver raced down his spine.

——

AN; I now know what a thread mark label is. Anyway, I decided I wanted to improve my writing skills and since the best way to do so is to write and get critiques, I worked up the balls to upload this baby. A bit busy with exams currently, so I'll prolly upload the next chapter a week from now….

Probably.

We'll see.

 

[ArsMagna1337]

The Smiling God

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I see a fellow Night Vale fan. I follow.