A New Player in the Force (SW/Lite Gamer)

[alec_potter]

Fantastic chapter. The fights are well scripted. Kinda electrifying.
It was nice see things from Gar's perspective.
And good that we have his approval, we can finally seduce his mother

 

[USSExplorer]

Fantastic chapter. The fights are well scripted. Kinda electrifying.
It was nice see things from Gar's perspective.
And good that we have his approval, we can finally seduce his mother

Click to shrink...

Sigh.
I really shouldn't have posted her fancast... lol

Though I'd be more interested in her niece.

Spoiler: Ladies of Clan Viszla

Mom

Niece

 

[SRWilsonMR]

I'm pissed. For some reason the notification of a new chapter did not appear.

what did he have that she didn't?

Click to shrink...

More than you think

If she was to win Serra from Cameron, then she would do it fairly, by proving herself better than him in all things.

Click to shrink...

I am excited to meet the devil that you are going to make a deal to achieve this.

 

[yuuzz]

and the recommendations of this chapter?

 

[alec_potter]

Sigh.
I really shouldn't have posted her fancast... lol

Though I'd be more interested in her niece.

Spoiler: Ladies of Clan Viszla

Mom

Niece

Click to shrink...

Any 'rational' reason we shouldn't have both?

 

[almostinsane]

I still think Serra is best.

Though, I approve of waiting until it's less creepy.

 

[james911p]

You know that feeling you get when you finished reading a great book. You feel happy, but also a bit upset, it's bittersweet. Anyway all of this is to say that I really enjoy your work and hope that it will continue for a long time.

 

[Zeus]

The romance aspect is kinda not cool
The way the system keeps subtly fucking with Cam is both good and bad

The fight was brutal
They deserved it, as we see from the outside perspective, this is not the first time they have decided to do this kinda thing

I do not like the pov of the girl who's thirsting after Serra
Like girl, he's got that thick thick force powers and the power of IP theft
You can't compete with that

 

[SilverBadger]

I'm honestly surprised a recording didn't surface. It sounded like both teams of ambushers were going to record their abuse before Cam Kool Aid Man-ed his way out of the shower.

Fantastic chapter and a very difficult series of fight scenes to write. I greatly enjoyed Gar's perspective and realizations.

 

[Creed]

I do not like the pov of the girl who's thirsting after Serra
Like girl, he's got that thick thick force powers and the power of IP theft
You can't compete with that

Click to shrink...

*snorts* You're not wrong, but I feel like Bo would be better for Serra if only because she wouldn't string Serra along. Because let's be real the chances Cam actually ends up with Serra is...low, at least without this turning into a harem fic too many other options.

I might be wrong though, and her persistence may pay off who knows *Shrugs*.

 

[Zendrelax]

*snorts* You're not wrong, but I feel like Bo would be better for Serra if only because she wouldn't string Serra along. Because let's be real the chances Cam actually ends up with Serra is...low, at least without this turning into a harem fic too many other options.

I might be wrong though, and her persistence may pay off who knows *Shrugs*.

Click to shrink...

In the past, the author has spoken positively regarding polyamory. And, I mean

Serra was in love with him, instead of her. While that was bad, what was worse the fact the boy could see this, yet he was neither denying nor encouraging Serra' feelings. Worse still, was that Naz was also pining for the boy, and the moments that Naz and Bo-Katan had spent together often turned into Naz talking about Cameron.

Click to shrink...

This looks pretty clearly like a polycule in the making to me.

 

[Zeus]

*snorts* You're not wrong, but I feel like Bo would be better for Serra if only because she wouldn't string Serra along. Because let's be real the chances Cam actually ends up with Serra is...low, at least without this turning into a harem fic too many other options.

I might be wrong though, and her persistence may pay off who knows *Shrugs*.

Click to shrink...

You are right
Too many choices
Only way that's going to end in somewhat stable way is harem

Guess we'll just have to wait for more chapters to find out how this is dealt with

Maybe cam will just choose one girl and leave hundreds of heart broken girls in the galaxy
Could even be part of his legend

Or more likely some kinda poly relationship will happen like Zendrelax said
(Idk words for relationships much)

 

[TheLastTalcBender]

Three years ago, Bendak had less that subtly suggested to Rook

Click to shrink...

less than subtly

I said in slow, calculating tone.

Click to shrink...

a slow, calculating tone

Gar watched as she stabilized herself, and he noticed that she grimaced as he cradled the hand that she had just used to strike Morn.

Click to shrink...

as she cradled the hand

Shab, she even thought she saw him used his own injury to ensure he could take down Morn

Click to shrink...

use his own injury

I frowned as I guessed at what she as implying.

Click to shrink...

she was implying

I kinda agree with the other reviewers that he needs to say that punching out rapists is an okay thing to do. Saying that the Jedi wouldn't approve is kinda... not helpful. Maybe he'll say more later, in private?

I also see that the group of people with assorted crushes is apparently trying to expand. I wonder if he knows yet? It doesn't seem like it...

 

[Trent]

Thanks for writing! It's a rare story that actually gets better over time.

The leveling pace and overall pacing are interesting, it's unique among Gamer stories. Cameron improves prodigiously, but isn't able to go from zero to hero in a couple years and bust any plot. The Skill improvements could use more consistency though. His spar with Yoda, and recent fights against Mandalorians, have been great at showing his progress. That said, we could use some explanation of how his relatively low physical stats or level keep him too slow or weak to defeat the most experienced Jedi, as his Prodigy level lighstaber Skills and Forms should be at the top of the galaxy. His understanding of the Forms should be unmatched, and commented upon, by even some Council members.

The first couple chapters weren't very pleasant: the setup was cringe-worthy, the gaming system had too many features and skills unnecessary for the story, and the MC's impatient annoyance was annoying. The "Choose Your Universe and Birth" device made the story shallow. As we gradually left the System's voice behind, the story gained depth and tension, which stuttered whenever the voice made an appearance. The writing also stutters with the little sentence shortcuts, whenever Telekinesis is abbreviated to TK and "word/word" rears its ugly head. Keep it as "Telekinesis," and either pick one word between two, or change the slash into "and" or "or," because a story shouldn't have writing shortcuts. Keep those goblins contained in the outline!

The physical Stat implementation is fantastic. The reality of peak human physical ability and possibility of limit breaks are sensible, and are an excellent modification of usual Gamer aspects. Each Stat point makes a difference. I love how smoothly Cameron's gradually rising Charisma has expressed itself.

I'm looking forward to how the story develops!

 

[USSExplorer]

The leveling pace and overall pacing are interesting, it's unique among Gamer stories. Cameron improves prodigiously, but isn't able to go from zero to hero in a couple years and bust any plot. The Skill improvements could use more consistency though. His spar with Yoda, and recent fights against Mandalorians, have been great at showing his progress. That said, we could use some explanation of how his relatively low physical stats or level keep him too slow or weak to defeat the most experienced Jedi, as his Prodigy level lighstaber Skills and Forms should be at the top of the galaxy. His understanding of the Forms should be unmatched, and commented upon, by even some Council members.

Click to shrink...

The simple logic for why Cam, even with say maxed Makashi skill, cannot beat someone with more experience (a tier or two lower in skill) and better training with certain Force abilities (eg, Speed)

If Cam went all out he likely could, right now, beat a few Jedi Masters, but that would draw even more attention to him, which is not something he particularly wants.

As for the Mando fights. Bar the Trial by Combat, Cam has been holding back as even with Force suppression bracers (though really they only disrupt a connection to the Force not suppress it) his skill and experience for hand-two-hand is beyond anyone else's. (benefits of being an ex-soldier in a former life)

The first couple chapters weren't very pleasant: the setup was cringe-worthy, the gaming system had too many features and skills unnecessary for the story, and the MC's impatient annoyance was annoying. The "Choose Your Universe and Birth" device made the story shallow. As we gradually left the System's voice behind, the story gained depth and tension, which stuttered whenever the voice made an appearance.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, the start of this is... not good. I know this, but I also know that if I went back and fixed it, I'd want to fix all of the story, which would all but kill the thing as it would take a year+ to really go through everything again.

The physical Stat implementation is fantastic. The reality of peak human physical ability and possibility of limit breaks are sensible, and are an excellent modification of usual Gamer aspects. Each Stat point makes a difference. I love how smoothly Cameron's gradually rising Charisma has expressed itself.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, making it so Cam couldn't arm wrestle (and win) against a Wookie as a child was the intent with the limiting of the physical stats. Humans (which in retrospect Cam shouldn't have chosen as a race) are base-line in SW and most races have great potential for at least one of the physical stats.
The Charisma evolving in how he speaks and behaves is just me being more comfortable writing him, though yeah, I can see how it actually fits the growth of the MC.

 

[USSExplorer]

I also see that the group of people with assorted crushes is apparently trying to expand. I wonder if he knows yet? It doesn't seem like it...

Click to shrink...

Knows about it? Yes
Want to deal with it? Not really.
Hates going through puberty again? Most certainly

Cam's approach isn't the best, but dealing with teenage girls is not exactly his strong suit.

 

[Septaemus Meridaeus]

Is An'ya Kuro (The Dark Woman) going to be in this story, I have been wondering for awhile now... it would be good I mean she was mentioned before.

 

[USSExplorer]

Is An'ya Kuro (The Dark Woman) going to be in this story, I have been wondering for awhile now... it would be good I mean she was mentioned before.

Click to shrink...

To quote both Obi-Wan and Jango...

Possibly

 

[Eljin]

In the past, the author has spoken positively regarding polyamory. And, I mean

This looks pretty clearly like a polycule in the making to me.

Click to shrink...

dont forget about padme. shes shown that she has significant interest in cam as a romantic partner.

 

[TheQwertyOne]

Well written... But MC's turtle approach to relationships is pathetic, childish and will bite him in the ass.
And of course like every fracking ecchi harem protag, as if his brain has been damaged, he cannot realize that his behaviour attracts girls to himself romantically.

 

[Kwame]

I know the MC is older and wishes to wait but that cats been out of the bag for awhile. Just his strength of personality has already influenced the girls around him. Plus from an outside point of view he's being an ass and any woman that figures it out wouldn't want to date him due to his wishy washy attitude. It's likely going to work out because it's an harem fix but this really should blow up in his face or be addressed aloud.

Edit: His adult mind at this point feels like an excuse to be a harem protag. Dodge everyone until harem becomes the only choice that won't hurt everyone that fell in love during the journey.

Of anything Bo deserves it more then him, she's dedicated atleast.

 

[The Dude]

Well written... But MC's turtle approach to relationships is pathetic, childish and will bite him in the ass.

Click to shrink...

Childish... you mean like someone who is physically and hormonally a child just in the early stages of puberty? How shocking.

 

[TheQwertyOne]

you mean like someone

Click to shrink...

I mean, like someone who already tired me by repeatedly bringing up how 30 years old in a child's body he is.

 

[USSExplorer]

Enjoy
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[KaiserMoon]

I'm upset, you've upset me

 

[Alcov]

Going to take a wild guess. Darth plaguis?

 

[FTR2017]

Heh, well played you goof.

 

[Prognostic Hannya]

Spoiler: no

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[Darkeva]

Spoiler: no

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Click to shrink...

...I wasted percius seconds of my life to read that... The only way to pay for that is not to translate it for anyone else, they too must experience the loss.

 

[doug89]

Enjoy

Click to shrink...

"Well, if droids could think, there'd be none of us here, would there?"

Spoiler: no

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