My best shot so far at making a Damn story give any feedback at all
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User | Total |
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Nephthys8079 | 10 |
Yea should have seen the first design I had was way to fast and even tho I'm trying to slow it down on this 3rd go at this didn't realize I was missing the motivation part of the characters that's why I asked for feedback im probably gonna leave the first few chapters alone as a show of growth as a writer too show how I'm getting better atleast thx for the feedbackThe biggest issue I'm seeing is that you're rushing through things and not really enjoying the journey itself, you keep jumping from location to location without really building up the tension, setting, characters etc....
Your story premise is interesting and you did have a good hook to draw people in, however it's like you're going down a checklist instead of really building up the motivations of characters...like the MC was suddenly entered into a contest with no explanation why...like what motivated him to do so? You didn't show the core motivation, you could have had a scene where he was impressed with that one gal and her pokemon turning the battle scenic or otherwise some sort of impressive that made your character pause and say hey that was cool how can I do something like that maybe had a conversation with the girl to establish both her character and maybe your MCs views on things.....
TLDR - Your pacing is far too fast, don't shy away from stopping and smelling the roses.
Hey it's all good you're sharing your hardwork and it's really hard to see where pacing can be an issue. As you have a story that you're trying to etch out for others to see/share so what is self evident to your vision and what you understand about your character can sometimes be skipped over when in the process of writing things out. I have the exact same issue, and looking back at my earlier works it's like....WTF was I even thinking when I wrote this....I need like 3 more paragraphs here and not a mere 2 lines.Yea should have seen the first design I had was way to fast and even tho I'm trying to slow it down on this 3rd go at this didn't realize I was missing the motivation part of the characters that's why I asked for feedback im probably gonna leave the first few chapters alone as a show of growth as a writer too show how I'm getting better atleast thx for the feedback
Lol yea thx for the feedback still thoHey it's all good you're sharing your hardwork and it's really hard to see where pacing can be an issue. As you have a story that you're trying to etch out for others to see/share so what is self evident to your vision and what you understand about your character can sometimes be skipped over when in the process of writing things out. I have the exact same issue, and looking back at my earlier works it's like....WTF was I even thinking when I wrote this....I need like 3 more paragraphs here and not a mere 2 lines.