A Sociopath on this World. [Class of 09 x Konosuba]

[Blundo]

They're perfect for one another, this is destiny. In the sense that both could make the other even worse.

 

[Davos]

"What kind of parent names their kid Darkness? Were they too poor for an abortion? Maybe they were-" Nicole stops when the blonde woman arches her back, lips clasped tightly as she moans.

"Did…you just get turned on?" Jecka asks and Darkness looks at her with a steely gaze.

"Do not be absurd. As an honorable knight, I find such accusations…deplorable~."

"You sound kinda turned on…or is that a common greeting of your people?" Nicole asks while looking at Megumin.

"Don't lump Crimson Demon culture with her perversion Nicole!" Megumin says while hanging onto Kazuma's back, giant toad fluids making her shine.

"Get off of me, you stink…" Kazuma says as Darkness starts panting and shivering.

"To be shamed even by a child…how deplorable~." Darkness says, making Megumin glare at her with glowing eyes.

"So why do you want to join my party?" Nicole asks.

"I thought I was clear? You're perfect! You're the kind who is a failure at everything she attempts and blames society for her ills! The sort who only takes the easy way out unless it is to inflict harm upon others, than you transform into an unstoppable force to bring ruin to whoever rightfully sleights her!" Darkness says, making Nicole glare more with each word.

"Wow, she has your number~." Kazuma says, making Nicole glance at him.

"…They're not wrong…" Jecka thinks while taking another drag.

"Yep. Got another target now." Nicole thinks.

"And you!"

"Me?" Kazuma asks.

"Yes you, I can feel how your eyes are licking me! Alternating between me and these two like the hopeless pervert you are! I can barely imagine what depraved fantasies circle in your head at any moment!" Darkness says, making Kazuma slam a fist onto the table.

"T-that's not true! I'm not licking anything!"

"That's probably part of the problem…no reciprocating~." Nicole says.

"Listen here you-" He stops when she pokes out her cheek with her tongue and a wink, making him blush.

"Predictable." Nicole says with a sneer.

"So predictable." Jecka says.

"And you!" Darkness looks at her with full eyes.

"Hey! I am not a bad person so don't you start bitch!"

"Exactly!"

"I haven't thought about Redtube in-huh?" Jecka's eyes widen a moment.

"You are the definition of Milquetoast! Spineless despite your abrasive front, happy to go along with another's plan even if they are detrimental to yourself! A perfect victim! A kindred spirit, a comrade in arms! You're just like me!" Darkness says and Jecka cracks her knuckles.

"I'm killing her."

"What happened to not wanting to be a criminal?" Nicole says while taking the smoke from Jecka's mouth to take a drag.

"I'll just bust us out or something." Jecka says before taking a swing at Darkness, the blow caught in Darkness' hand, and the subsequent pressure knocking over anything that was not attached to the ground, including Nicole's cigarette.

Jecka looks up at Darkness in shock.

"That…should have killed you…"

"It was a surprisingly strong blow. Thankfully I possess formidable defenses." Darkness says while pushing Jecka away, shaking out her armored hand.

"That should have been more than strong…" Jecka says as Darkness leans in to whisper.

"…Are you self conscious about your muscles too?"

"I don't…" Jecka walks away in a daze, taking a seat near Kazuma.

"…So about Redtube…" He asks.

"Fuck off." Jecka says.

"…Why should we let you in the party? I'll admit, you look like a great meat shield but-"

"Hnng~"

"Stop moaning for one minute, Jesus Christ! It's like you're backup dancer in some shitty rap video." Nicole says.

"…I'll admit, my resilience may be my only positive trait. I am rather inaccurate with a blade and prone to being grabbed by the enemy, so I am not sure how useful I will be in a fight."

"She sounds perfect as an expendable meat shield, though I am a little unsure if Jecka will leave her in a bad situation…"

"But to make up for that I will allow myself to be useful in other ways! I know of a few quests on the board only I am willing to undertake and will split the shares with you!"

"Ok, that sounds good for us, but…Is being abused all you want? I don't mind, but you better not have a change of heart later~." Nicole says with a glint in her eye.

"I would never break my word, you can even test your weapons on me~."

"Oh, now you're talking…~"

"Oh no…" Jecka says.

"What is it?" Kazuma asks.

"I know that voice…" Jecka says with a frown.

"I can be quite demeaning." Nicole says.

"You make that sound like it's a flaw." Darkness answers back.

"God, you might be perfect." Nicole says.

"C-compliments won't win me-"

"A perfect punching bag~." Nicole says and Darkness hunches forward with heavy breathing as Nicole continues.

"I'm gonna enjoy beating the shit out of you."

"Yes…"

"Smacking you for no reason in public, making you get me stuff like a slave~."

"Yes~!"

"Cutting you with all manner of blades?" Nicole asks with a wink.

"Think you can find a blade sharp enough?"

"Oh, you'll do~ Now call me Mistress."

"Mis-"

"While on your knees."

Darkness does a body wide shiver, panting as she goes to the floor.

"Mistress~."

"You're in. Let's get you a collar like the bitch you are."

"Nicole! You can't just-" Jecka's words are ignored as Nicole and Darkness leave the area.

"…What kind of messed up romance did I just witness?" Megumin asks.

"An abusive lesbian relationship…The second one for Nicole…"

"She was abused? That would explain her, well, everything." Kazuma asks.

"No, she was the abuser in that one too, made a gay girl straight." Jecka says.

"That makes more sense than it should…" Kazuma says before slamming a fist into the table.

"It's not fair…She's a terrible erson but gets a busty blonde bombshell who'll do anything she wants and I get a used up loli covered in God knows what!"

"I am not a loli! And I am not used up!"

"Didn't you say you could only do that spell once a day?" Jecka says.

"Well yes but-"

"What kind of idiot only does magic once a day?" Kazuma says while walking away, grumbling.

"Let's see you say that when you witness the destructive majesty of Explosion!"

Meanwhile, after getting Darkness a collar, Nicole walks with her in town.

"I forgot to ask, but when does the party take another quest?"

"Probably tomorrow; shouldn't be hard with you as a meat shield." Nicole says and Darkness squirms before recovering herself.

"I am a little worried…defending 4 people might be difficult. I cannot imagine that man is a frontline class."

"4? What do you mean 4? It's just me, Jecka, and you."

"I thought the young man and girl covered in fluids were part of the party? That was why I tried to sell myself so hard earlier…most parties typically keep to a size of 4."

"Fuck no!"

"Surprising…I was kind of curious how terrible a person he was~." Darkness says before being pulled by Nicole.

"Oh you don't have to worry about that…I'll be all the horror you need."

Any other person would have fled at that tone, especially as they climbed the stairs to her room…more so when Nicole pulled out a dozen razor blades.

But Darkness merely panted in anticipation.

===

Jecka opens the door to the room carrying a few fliers.

"Nicole you here? I got a few-"

"How the Hell do your abs dull blades?!" Nicole asks with a dozen rounded razors on the floor. Darkness looks to the ground, twiddling her thumbs.

"I…have a very high defense stat…"

"…The fuck is going on here?" Jecka asks.

"My bimbo pet here thought we were in a party with cock-whatever his name is, so I took her here to get him out of her mind, but her and her rock hard manly muscles dulled every single razor!"

"I don't have manly muscles!"

"That's the part you're not ok with?" Nicole asks.

"Wait, all of them?!" Jecka asks.

"Yes! I don't know what kind of steroids she uses but-"

"But nothing Nicole, what the fuck are we gonna use to shave with now?!"

"I have a few spare knives I can lend if you-"

"No one was talking to you!" Nicole says before backhanding Darkness before clutching her hand.

"Fuuuck, what is your face made of!? This is almost as bad as being shot!"

"…I have very high defense stats…"

"I wonder if those toads would spit her out if they ate her?" Jecka asks absentmindedly.

"Let's find out!" Darkness says with a smile, heading to the door, stopping as a rip appears in the air.

"Oh, Blue Bitch again?" Nicole says before a red haired woman steps out of it, the air starts to become muggy as she stands in the room,

"I am Pyra, Goddess of flame, arbiter of the departed in another world, and the final sight for countless damned. Which of you little heathens are Nicole and Jecka?"

 

[Davos]

"Don't you think it's a little odd calling us heathens when we're here to kill the Demon King? And can you turn off the heat?" Nicole asks while fanning herself.

"Wait, that is your goal!?" Darkness asks with a smile. Jecka looks at her askance.

"Your purpose in being here is not why I branded you as heathens. Earlier today you used my magic to such a degree that I had to be healed by that gaudy Goddess of water."

"Are you seriously bad mouthing me five minutes after fixing your arm you arson loving twit?!" Aqua asks from the rip in the air.

"Shouldn't you be getting drunk?" Pyra asks and the sound of a wine cork being pulled off is Aqua's response.

"Trouble in paradise?" Nicole asks, making Pyra squint at her.

"Next time you can unfurl your arm on your own!" Aqua shouts before a cork flies out the tear onto Pyra's head, caught in her hair before it brightens a moment and incinerates the cork. Darkness smiles.

"How can you be so- Never mind; I'll be sure to seek reprisal after correcting your mistake today~." Pyra says before turning towards Jecka.

"Why are you looking at me? I don't have the power that hurts Gods."

"I know, but you did steal another power."

"I did?"

"Lying will not save you." Pyra says, making a motion to crack her knuckles but stopping when she looks at her left hand, a shiver running through her despite the heat in the room.

"I'm not lying bitch." Jecka says while opening a window and breathing in fresh, cooler air before lighting up a cigarette.

"You dare disparage the Goddess of flame?"

"I mean, blue bitch isn't that bright and she called you a twit…Doesn't paint the best picture." Nicole says, standing by the open window as the temperature ramps up another degree.

"Stop calling me that!" Aqua says after taking a swig.

"Your real name is forgettable." Nicole says making Aqua gasp before throwing an empty bottle through the rift towards Nicole, missing, and flying through the window. A pained yell rings out.

"Who dares threaten the brain of the genius wizard of the Crimson Demons!"

"Stop proclaiming everything! People are looking at us…" Kazuma mutters at Megumin.

"Nice shot. Have you considered going pro?" Jecka asks.

"Enough. You will relinquish your stolen second ability, or be burned on the spot."

"I don't even know what this second power is, you butch biker rip off!!" Jecka says.

"…Does Heaven have biker lesbians? That would be awesome…" Nicole thinks.

"You claim to not know it, yet you have been consistently using it to manufacture items from your world!"

"I have?" Jecka asks and Pyra gestures to the cigarette in Jecka's hand.

"Wait, you have an infinite cigarette maker?!" Nicole asks.

"I do?!" Jecka asks.

"…Of everything you could make with this, you only made cigarettes?"

"I think she made percocet too." Nicole says.

"Wait, I could make anything?" Jecka asks.

"Yes how do you-"

"L-lady Pyra!" Eris says from the rip.

"Yes Eris?"

"…Eris? As in…" Darkness mutters in shock.

"She…didn't actually steal it. I looked over the recording and found out the paper for second power was stuck to her chosen power…" Eris says and Pyra looks flatly at the rip with an open mouth.

"You blue idiot…" Pyra says, making another bottle fly through the room and the open window, and another scream rings out.

"Ow!…who throws bottles in- Oh a high end brand! And unopened! My store is saved this month! I might even be able to have a real meal!" A brown haired woman in a robe says before happily running down the street, one hand rubbing her head.

Pyra sighs.

"My…apologies for accusing you of that; But there is still the matter of you abusing that power Nicole, not to mention the fact you must relinquish this accidental third-"

"Counter offer." Nicole says and Pyra groans in shock. Eris cups her head in the Heavenly realm and Aqua takes another long swig.

"You are in no position to negotiate."

"I think otherwise. You don't like me using this power right?"

"Yes, I would think even you could understand that, with what remains of your brain that was not destroyed by those opiates~." Pyra says as Nicole steps closer.

"And half the reason I use it is annoyance with the Gods. Now those same Gods are here, taking away my infinite drug source, and by extension, forcing me into shitty fantasy themed rehab. Do I need to say how annoying that is~?" Nicole says, still grinning even as Pyra's hair turn into living flame.

"Are you threatening me? Are you threatening a Goddess while wearing a pentagram shirt?!"

"No, I'm asking to join your cult, convert me bitch."

"I will burn this room and everyone-hgn!?" Pyra is lifted off the floor in a bear hug from Darkness.

"Foolish mortal sow!"

"Ugg…"

"I will melt you until your bones are liquid!"

"Yes~!"

"…What did you say?" Pyra asks, still in her grasp.

"She's doing it again…" Jecka and Eris say the same time.

"Burn me like a slab of skewered mat over a raging fire~."

"You're not…supposed to ask me that…and most people should be letting me go when I have this much heat…"

"I have high heat resistances~."

"Let go of me…"

"Never~."

"Then I will-"

"I will not let you hurt one of my followers…even if she should not be doing this…" Eris says and Darkness has a moment of indecision, until a renewed heat emanates from Pyra, making her hold on tighter to the Goddess.

"Plus you're currently weaker when you visit that realm, so her resistances might be enough to survive you." Aqua says.

"Wow…a Goddess who can't kill a righteous, if perverted knight~?" Nicole asks with a smug grin as Pyra tries to worm away from Darkness.

"Let go of me!"

"Never! I will hang on even as my flesh is charred, fused to my armor like a- Oh Gods~."

"At least stop moaning!"

"Tell you what, fire cracker, I'll get my toy to let you go if you agree to a deal~."

"What possible deal would I even agree to with the likes of-."

"It involves Jecka giving up that power to make infinite fixes for us."

"What?!" Jecka glares at Nicole.

"…What's the catch?" Pyra asks.

"She gets it instead." Nicole points to Darkness.

"…You really are insane."

"With some conditions, she can only make things we approve, like cigarettes and percocet."

"I have no idea what percocet is…" Darkness says.

"…Maybe give us a day to teach her? Or limited ability to hijack it from her to show the item if we need to?" Nicole asks.

"Absolutely not! I will not have you turning my follower into a walking drug factory! You're just going to become drug dealers!" Eris says.

"No, that didn't work out so well last time. Was nearly arrested. Don't wanna think what this place will do if they catch me selling crack to pregnant women." Nicole says and Darkness arches her back before falling onto the ground, carrying Pyra with her.

"So deplorable~."

"Ow ow ow, how is her grip getting tighter!?" Pyra says before glowing brighter, nearly blinding Jecka and Nicole as a new wave of heat stifles their breathing, making them step back. When the light fades, they look over and see Pyra looking distraught while still held by a panting Darkness.

Nicole walks over with a cigarette in hand pushs it against Pyra's hair to light it up and take a drag before speaking.

"So…would you rather I be bored and abuse Gods with this broken in wall at my disposal-"

"Hng~."

"Or for me to have a little fun on my way to curb stomp that guy?" Nicole asks before blowing a stream of smoke in Pyra's face, her eyes twitching in suppressed rage.

Back in the Heavenly realm, Aqua is emptying another bottle and Pyra is walking in a circle, muttering curses as Eris watches the screen in horror.

Nicole has a bottle of percocet in hand and gives Darkness a pill.

"Don't want you overdosing so just one for now." Nicole says and Eris has to make the screen vanish.

"…My seniors are terrible." Eris thinks while glancing at the drunken Aqua and traumatized Pyra.

 

[Anybody]

So Jecka did have an Infinite pack of cigarettes!
And now Darkness have it! Oh Man this is going to be such a beautiful trainwreck.

 

[Hellion]

Nicole trying to reenact Metamorphosis on Darkness at the end there. Ganbate!! (I don't know who I'm cheering for in this situation- both of them are into the corruption angle, but Darkness' innate resistances might make Nicole's efforts be in vain)

 

[Davos]

Nicole trying to reenact Metamorphosis on Darkness at the end there. Ganbate!! (I don't know who I'm cheering for in this situation- both of them are into the corruption angle, but Darkness' innate resistances might make Nicole's efforts be in vain)

Click to shrink...

Wait...Metamorphosis by Kafka?

 

[Manfacepersonthing]

Wait...Metamorphosis by Kafka?

Click to shrink...

No, worse, by ShindoL.

 

[Davos]

No, worse, by ShindoL.

Click to shrink...

Thank you for answering.

 

[Faber_The_Builder]

This is some absolutely based cooking, tbh you really can´t go wrong with writing a crackfic by using Class of ´09.


TFC!

 

[Davos]

This is some absolutely based cooking, tbh you really can´t go wrong with writing a crackfic by using Class of ´09.


TFC!

Click to shrink...

Thank you.

 

[Blundo]

The isekai genre has its share of shitty people as protagonists, but they all tend to be cut from the same cloth. This may be crackfic, but it's genuinely nice to have a different kind of shitbag in that role.

 

[Davos]

The isekai genre has its share of shitty people as protagonists, but they all tend to be cut from the same cloth. This may be crackfic, but it's genuinely nice to have a different kind of shitbag in that role.

Click to shrink...

Thank you...I think? Today is the first time I came across the word 'crackfic' and found out there's a fic where Goku fights Super Sayian Hitler.

 

[Blundo]

Thank you...I think? Today is the first time I came across the word 'crackfic' and found out there's a fic where Goku fights Super Sayian Hitler.

Click to shrink...

"A work of fan fiction that is conceptually absurd, surprising or ridiculous, often intentionally" is basically what I mean.

The lines can be blurry but I think "Hey what if we threw the ridiculously toxic late-00s teenage girl characters from a black comedy VN into Konosuba and had them bully gods for percocet?" easily qualifies. It's not an inherently bad or good thing, all comes down to execution. I was just saying that even though this isn't a particularly "serious" fic, I think it does some genuinely interesting stuff by exploring the idea of "Isekai protagonist who is a piece of shit, but not in the standard otaku sexcriminal or edgy-revenge-guy or both way."

tl;dr in this context it was a compliment

 

[Davos]

"A work of fan fiction that is conceptually absurd, surprising or ridiculous, often intentionally" is basically what I mean.

The lines can be blurry but I think "Hey what if we threw the ridiculously toxic late-00s teenage girl characters from a black comedy VN into Konosuba and had them bully gods for percocet?" easily qualifies. It's not an inherently bad or good thing, all comes down to execution. I was just saying that even though this isn't a particularly "serious" fic, I think it does some genuinely interesting stuff by exploring the idea of "Isekai protagonist who is a piece of shit, but not in the standard otaku sexcriminal or edgy-revenge-guy or both way."

tl;dr in this context it was a compliment

Click to shrink...

I suspect I was overthinking since I haven't heard the term before. Thanks for taking the time to explain.

 

[Davos]

"Let go, bitch." Kazuma says, trying to pull the quest flier away from Nicole.

"Wow, not only can you not take it away from me, you have to ask too…are you so weak because puberty didn't hit yet?" Nicole says while still holding onto the flier.

"You suck at insults…if I'm weak, then what does that make you? You're struggling to get this paper from me!"

"Unlike you, I'm an all natural girl." Nicole says, making Kazuma's eye twitch.

"Should we intervene?" Darkness asks Megumin and Jecka.

"I'm not getting between them and their magic dick swinging contest…what are they fighting about anyway?" Jecka asks.

"This particular quest has a unique reward. Instead of Eris, successfully exorcising the ghosts from the local graveyard awards the deed to a manor for free." Darkness says, making Megumin and Jecka look at her with an open mouth.

"Get in there and pull him away!" Jecka orders.

"Oh Titan's wrath, breath of annihilation, heed my-Hmf!?"

"Are you insane? Casting that in town?!" Jecka asks while covering Megumin's mouth.

"Actually I was going to-" Darkness is cut off when Jecka screams and starts shaking Megumin.

"Let go of my hand! Stop biting me!" Jecka shouts but Megumin stead wraps herself around Jecka's arm and brings her to the ground.

"Don't make me use my strength on you!" Jecka yells out as Megumin bites her again. Darkness steps in and manages to separate them, holding Jecka in one hand, and Megumin in the other.

"May I suggest something? Instead of fighting we can-"

A scream of pain rings out. Looking over they see Kazuma on the ground in the fetal position, hands between his legs.

"My jewels…my family name…lost to this unforgiving world…!" He squeaks in a high pitched whine.

"Got the quest, let's go and-"

"I think we should team up with them Mistress." Darkness says, making everyone present look at her with wide eyes, except Kazuma who is still oblivious to his surroundings.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Wait, did you have some percs earlier to come up with that idea?"

"I have not had any today…truthfully I do not want anymore. It dulls my senses. How can I enjoy- I mean fulfill my duty as a front liner without feeling every blow?" Darkness asks.

"Ok, whatever, but why do you want to team up with him? Is this another fantasy of yours?" Nicole asks and Darkness arches her back, before leaning in to whisper to Nicole.

"No, I ask due to the nature of ghosts. Physical attacks do little against them, and with the limit on your ability, it would be prudent to have another magic user or two…" Darkness says glancing at Megumin and Kazuma.

"That's actually a good idea pet…plus it'll give them more targets so I'm less likely to be hit first." Nicole says and Darkness fidgets.

"It's odd to hear you complimenting me…"

"Don't get used to it. The rest of your idea sucks."

"There it is~!"

"First off, I really doubt the guy I nearly neutered will agree. And if he did, he'd probably betray us, and lastly, if everything did work well, how are we going to split a building?"

"Hmm…maybe this arrangement would work?" Darkness continues on and Nicole cups her chin in thought.

"I got issues with both results, but it's better than looking over my shoulder during this." Nicole says before walking over to Kazuma who just got to his knees.

"Really? Kicking me while I'm down? I'm surprised you're doing it yourself…" Kazuma mutters.

"I'm not; I suspect you would be into that. I'm here with an offer and a temporary truce."

"You nearly neutered me! Why should I accept any offer with you!?" Kazuma asks, now back on his feet.

"Wow, fast recovery there. And it's less an offer and more a contest."

"What are you talking about?"

"There are a lot of ghosts there, having more than one person who can use magic would be better." Nicole says.

"True…but I don't trust you, and I doubt you trust me either, and even if we could get past that, how we would we split a building? Or you suggesting we live on different floors?"

"Fuck no, I don't live with rapists."

"Stop calling me that already."

"No. As for the contest, whoever gets more experience during this quest from clearing those undead, gets the manor; but, to make it not so bad there will be a consolation prize for you, the loser~."

"Really? Calling me the loser when you only have your ability for a few minutes~?" Kazuma asks and Nicole's eyes widen.

"How do you know that?"

"Gods."

"Fuck."

"But what is this consolation prize if we don't split the manor?" Kazuma asks.

"The person who wins the manor has to pay an amount of cash to the other person each month until they paid whatever the manor is worth." Nicole says and Kazuma grabs his chin in thought.

"Surprisingly decent terms coming from you…though I don't like the idea of paying you."

"Isn't paying women for favors like half your culture?"

"Are you trying to piss me off while making a deal with me? And that sounds racist."

"Ok, that last one is fair. So you in?" Nicole asks before lighting up a cigarette.

What is the bare minimum payment?"

"That can be talked about later after we find out the manor's worth and how well the winner does each month." Nicole says.

After that, a begrudging alliance of opportunity is formed and they meet up later at the graveyard.

Kazuma immediately starts blasting a few ghosts and the others hang back. Darkness looks at Nicole.

"I'm surprised you are not joining the fray to win the competition…"

"I am winning. He gets a dusty old manor with who knows how many troubles, and I get an income. Best part, he thinks he's winning~." Nicole says.

"An income is nice…though it feels kinda dirty getting it from him…" Jecka says.

"It's like were his lowly serfs and-" Darkness squeaks when Nicole covers her mouth.

"Much as I like your deranged masochism, I don't like the direction you're going this time." Darkness sighs against Nicole's hand, pouting with slumped shoulders. A few minutes later a woman's scream rings out, and they hurry over to find a woman with long brown hair in a purple robe and a curvy figure on the ground. Kazuma is standing nearby confused.

"Sorry Kazuma, I thought you were an Axis Cultist from your maniacal laughter…"

"No worries, I do tend to go a bit nuts…but why are you here Wiz?"

"Oh I uh…this is a little hard to explain but I was guiding the lost souls here towards the afterlife…"

"Isn't that more a job for a Priest or Priestess though? I thought you were an Arch Wizard like me?" Megumin asks.

"It is…" Wiz says on her feet while playing with her fingers.

"Just say it already, we don't have all night. We're on a quest here." Nicole says.

"Well…I was guiding them because these souls were too poor to afford a proper burial and guidance when they passed."

"Wow…that is a raw deal. But how are you able to do that? I thought Wizards were all about offense magic or utility spells like teleport?" Kazuma asks.

"That's…well, I can't really hide it now. I am an Arch Wizard but I am also a Lich." Wiz says, making Megumin and Darkness gasp. Nicole and Jecka barely react. Kazuma scratches his head like he half knows it.

"Oh, I forgot you three are from far away. A Lich is a high rank undead, usually a Wizard, and has control over other undead." Wiz explains.

"Wait…I thought Lichs were more skeletal or zombie looking?" Kazuma asks.

"Well, I was born human, and became one after joining the Demon King…"

"Wait, you work for the-" They all ask at the same time but Wiz cowers and covers her head in her hands.

"Yes, but not like that! I just maintain a barrier around his castle. I mainly run a shop in town…I never hurt a person." Wiz says and Nicole raises an eyebrow as Kazuma grasps her shoulder.

"It's fine now." He says in a deep voice, nearly making Nicole and Jecka gag.

Nicole jabs Darkness' side.

"Does she have a bounty?"

"Well…technically she should, though I don't recall any bounty for her specifically and I made a point to learn about the Generals."

"So, there's no payday in killing her?" Jecka asks, and Darkness nods. Meanwhile Nicole watches Wiz and Kazuma chat absentmindedly a moment, a wide smile on his face.

'Well, that's all the motivation I need.' Nicole thinks.

"Thanks for-" Wiz starts to say before Nicole raises an arm towards her.

"Sacred Turn Undead!" Nicole says and a bright blue light envelopes Wiz. She screams before vanishing. Kazuma looks at the spot of ground Wiz was standing at before turning towards Nicole.

"The Hell is wrong with you?! She was innocent!"

"You're just saying that because she had big boobs."

"That is not the point!"

"You're right for once. She was a Demon whatever general. Sure, she may have not burnt any towns, but that doesn't make her any less culpable."

"Wow…" Jecka says.

"What?"

"Never thought I hear you of all people say the word culpable."

"It's not that bad. My reasoning is-" Nicole is interrupted when a rip in the air forms.

"Oh great it's- The fuck?!!" Nicole yells out as two arms reach out and pull her through and closes.

"What…was that?" Megumin asks.

"I think…the Gods just kidnapped Nicole." Darkness says.

"Good." Kazuma says.

===

Nicole is flung across the room into a chair, the force making her flip over and land on her side.

"Ow, shit, could you have made this any rougher a landing Blue Bitch?" Nicole asks while rubbing her neck and standing up.

"My name is Aqua, and I will be the last thing you see with that mortal coil, heathen." Aqua says while cracking her knuckles.

"What the fuck are you angry about?" Nicole says and Aqua points down. Looking down she sees the back of Aqua's legs facing her while Aqua is standing towards her.

"….Am I tripping, or are you really more ass backwards than usual right now?"

"This is because you used a high level spell. It also really hurt."

"How does your spine even work in this situation? Can you bend forward?"

"Not the point, but feel free to continue on. I'm personally sending you to Heaven now."

"Not Hell?" Nicole asks.

"Haven would be worse for you. Besides, I fear you would make friends down there."

"Wait, you're actually going to kill me for using the magic thing properly now?"

"Like you even know the word proper! Just how dumb do you think I am?!"

"Aren't you the standard all stupidity is measured against? Also, I killed a general."

"Murder is not a good thing."

"A Demon King General, think she was an Arch bitch or something? Got her power from licking I think?"

"…Do you mean Lich?"

"Yeah that." Nicole says and Aqua looks unconvinced until Pyra, with flat eyes and a frown, walks to her with a scroll in hand. After a moment of reading Aqua's mouth falls open and she looks up at Nicole.

"Oh my me, you actually did do a good thing…"

"Why do you sound so surprised? I'm a good person." Nicole says, making Aqua and Pyra look flatly at her.

"Are you even capable of telling the truth?" Pyra asks.

"…You have a nice ass?"

"... I will ignore this agonizing moment since you did use that power properly." Aqua says with a wave of her hand and Nicole is thrown back into a rip, landing back in the graveyard.

"Ow…"

"I'm surprised they didn't kill you. Did they take your magic away?" Jecka asks while offering Nicole a cigarette.

"No, they thought I was torturing them again and were about to kill me…where's the other two?"

"They left, thinking you were dead and mumbling something about expecting payment soon."

"Payment for what?" Nicole asks now on her feet.

"Wiz was a high level Arch Wizard and Lich. Killing her netted you more experience than all the ghosts Kazuma purified." Darkness says, showing Nicole her adventurer card. She went up 32 levels.

"Wow…I just wasted her so that guy would stop smiling. Didn't think I'd get a mansion and power spike too. Doing good deeds does pay off~." Nicole says and Darkness arches her back.

"So despicable~."

"But now you got to pay him each month."

"Hmm…Well we should be able to get a few months easily enough. Where was her shop again?"

"It's not far from here, why?" Darkness asks.

"I'm sure it has a few valuables, and since it has no owner that means everything is up for grabs." Nicole says and they head to Wiz's shop.

 

[Faber_The_Builder]

"I'm sure it has a few valuables, and since it has no owner that means everything is up for grabs." Nicole says and they head to Wiz's shop.

Click to shrink...

Well, Rest in Piss, Wiz. You will be missed, should not have crossed Nicole's "Socio" path.

 

[Blundo]

Amazing, this is like reverse of the typical insert. I don't think I've ever seen Wiz summarily smited like this. There are women's rights-y fics, there are men's rights-y fics, but this is a women's wrongs fic.

 

[Davos]

Amazing, this is like reverse of the typical insert. I don't think I've ever seen Wiz summarily smited like this. There are women's rights-y fics, there are men's rights-y fics, but this is a women's wrongs fic.

Click to shrink...

Thank you xD.

 

[Hellion]

Man the butterflies from this are insane. Of course it would take a complete sociopath like Nicole to do something like THIS to Canon. No shield means the Crimson Demon Clan can go on the offensive straight to the Demon Kings Castle next time they decide to get off their asses. The 2 male Demon Generals with be on the hunt for the one who killed their piggybank/beauty. Just- like, wow, how could she- no, wait, she is totally the type to do things like this. Amazing job author on capturing her character so well.

 

[Davos]

Man the butterflies from this are insane. Of course it would take a complete sociopath like Nicole to do something like THIS to Canon. No shield means the Crimson Demon Clan can go on the offensive straight to the Demon Kings Castle next time they decide to get off their asses. The 2 male Demon Generals with be on the hunt for the one who killed their piggybank/beauty. Just- like, wow, how could she- no, wait, she is totally the type to do things like this. Amazing job author on capturing her character so well.

Click to shrink...

Thank you very much. Though I thought at least one other general maintained the shield too?

 

[Anybody]

"Hmm…Well we should be able to get a few months easily enough. Where was her shop again?"

"It's not far from here, why?" Darkness asks.

"I'm sure it has a few valuables, and since it has no owner that means everything is up for grabs." Nicole says and they head to Wiz's shop.

Click to shrink...

What are the chances that Kazuma got the same idea? Because if so then he and Megumin already have a head start.
But now that I think about it didn't Wiz lived in her's shop backroom? Maybe that's where the "All Archmage Party" will live?

 

[Gargoyle9000]

So it's been a long while since I watched Konosuba, since Wiz is a Lich, does she come back from the dead? Is that a thing or did the turn undead thing perma-kill her?

 

[Davos]

"I must object to this Nicole." Darkness whispers as Nicole tinkers with the shop lock.

"Lock picking is the best method for this. Quiet, doesn't leave a trail-"

"That is not what I am referring to and you know that." Darkness says, fists on her hips.

"Starting to sound like Blue Bitch, and isn't lock picking a common skill around here?" Jecka asks.

"For dungeons, not shops!" Darkness says.

"Is it really a shop anymore if the owner is dead?" Nicole says before turning the door open.

"Somehow that doesn't apply when you kill the owner…"

"Wasn't she already dead to begin with?" Nicole asks and Darkness narrows her stare.

"Listen, it's either this, more underpaid and dangerous questing, or making you sell that overly toned ass in the streets or to Kazuma each month to pay-" The clank of armored boots cuts off Nicole. Looking over she sees Darkness on the ground, panting, blushing, and shivering before falling onto her side.

"…You forgot who you were talking to just now didn't you?" Jecka asks.

"Yeah, that's on me…but it's good to know we got options." Nicole says, making Darkness squeak as she opens the door. Entering she sees Kazuma leaning against the counter, arms crossed.

"I knew it…" Kazuma says from inside the store.

"…Somehow I'm not surprised you're here. But I still have to ask, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from raiding Wiz's place."

"So why were you upstairs in Wiz's room?" Megumin asks with a crate of stuff in her hand. Kazuma remains quiet.

"Probably sniffing her clothes." Nicole says.

"I-I was not!"

"Stammer says otherwise."

"Are you sure we can't invite him to live with us? I'll take care of him!" Darkness says from the doorway.

"I'm not a dog!"

"Arguable…So it's fine for you to raid her shit but not us?" Nicole asks.

"We're not raiding her stuff, we're organizing it!" Kazuma says.

"Let me guess, you're going to organize it back at your rooms?" Jecka asks with another cigarette in her hand.

"No, that crate has food. We're donating it to the homeless." Kazuma says.

"You care about the homeless?" Nicole asks.

"I've recently empathized with them after a horrible encounter with a self centered sociopath left me sleeping in a stable." Kazuma says and Nicole starts chuckling.

"I also know you would come here to try and get a few months' easy payments for me." Nicole stops chuckling.

"So what, you're the guardian of undead big titty criminals now?"

"What, you're unhappy I'm not falling for your bullshit now? Or are you unhappy you have to actually work for once in your life?"

"Oh don't act like you have the moral high ground you zombie panty sniffer, you broke in here too! I'll just call the guards on you, cry some fake tears and-"

"Won't work; Blondie here will nullify any pity you can make."

"The fuck did I do?" Jecka asks.

"Not you, Miss Moans-a-lot. She has a reputation among the guards as a nuisance." Kazuma says, making Nicole and Jecka look at a thumb twirling Darkness.

"I…wouldn't say I'm a nuisance…I don't try to annoy the guards on purpose…and I don't moan that much!"

"Your value goes down with each passing day, bitch." Nicole says, and Kazuma starts laughing. Darkness naturally moans. Jecka takes a wine bottle from a nearby table.

"You can't take that!" Kazuma says.

"Well you can't have it…drinking is bad for you~." Jecka says.

"Least I got a manor…" Nicole mutters before leaving with Jecka and Darkness following suit back to the hotel.

===

The next day they begin the process of moving into the manor, having Darkness handle the heavy lifting.

"Bit dusty, but not bad…Hey Darkness is there a God of cleaning Nicole can abuse for an hour?" Jecka asks while tinkering with the wine bottle she got from Wiz's shop.

"I don't know of such a God. We'll have to clean it ourselves." Darkness says, being met with two flat stares.

"You don't expect me to clean this entire place myself do you?"

"I mean, wouldn't you enjoy wearing dirty rags and being forced to clean this place like a servant?" Nicole asks. Darkness undergoes a body wide shiver but takes a breath.

"M-maybe, but this is far too large a place for one person. Even if I start with our living quarters, it will leave most of the place dust ridden and-"

A doll lands on Darkness' head.

"Why was there a doll on the ceiling?" Jecka asks aloud while Darkness examines it. Nicole grimaces before looking up, her suspicion now confirmed.

"…Fucking fantasy world…" Nicole mutters, making Jecka look up and blanch.

"Oh shit…"

Darkness also looks up and freezes before smiling.

Crawling upside on the ceiling like porcelain spiders are dozens of dolls, a glint in their normally lifeless eyes trained on the trio now. They all pull out forks, knifes, and sharpened spoons.

"Nicole…" Jecka says in a stammer.

"…The ability is still on cool down for a few minutes…"

"Wonderful!" Darkness says, arms outreached, instantly drawing the focus of the dolls, making them drop down onto Darkness like paratroopers, the sheer volume of them making the crusader collapse under their weight. Nicole and Jecka quietly move away from the doll Darkness dog pile.

Then the floorboard creaks, drawing the gaze of the outer layer of dolls.

Nicole and Jecka sprint down the hall, forced to run upstairs upon seeing another group of dolls cut them off. The hoard chuckles while slowly floating up the stairs after them.

"How many minutes?!"

"5!" Nicole says as they duck into a nearby room, slamming the door shut and pushing against it as the hoard threatens to break through the wood.

"We don't have 5 minutes! Can't you like speed it up by praying or something?!"

"I am NOT praying to a Deity that does party tricks!" Nicole says.

"Then pray to Pyra!"

"Fuck no! Her powers would burn down the manor and we would still have to pay him back and-" A jagged knife pokes through the wood between their faces, their reflections clear on the blade.

"And what?!"

"And I don't know if prayer would even work to speed up the time! But I do know they would laugh their asses off if I prayed to them!" Nicole says before Jecka leaves the door.

"Jecka what the Hell?! I can't-" She stops when she sees Jecka heft a solid looking bed with one hand and leans it against the door.

"Ok, that works for now…" Nicole says, stepping from the door and breathing heavy.

"That had to be at least a minute…We should be-" A chunk of wood flies into the room, giving a view of the doll hoard on the other side. Nicole goes to the window and curses.

"Fuck, the fall is too high…we'd probably break something and get killed from being unable to run." Nicole says.

"Or in the hospital like Kylar…" Jecka says as another piece of door breaks off.

"Wanna share a bottle of wine?"

"Sure…better way to go than last time. And I doubt the dolls can fuck this u as bad as the rope." Nicole says as Jecka uncorks the bottle the same time as a rip appears in the room.

"Seriously? Coming to gloat as we get stabbed?" Nicole asks as Aqua's hand appears through the rift.

"Give me the bottle and I'll save you~."

"…How do we know you won't just run away with it?" Nicole asks.

"The fool is a lush and will do anything for liquor." Pyra shouts from further in the tear.

"I am not! But if you really want to secure the salvation from the most beautiful Goddess, you can convert to my faith~."

"Why the fuck would I be religious here when I was never-" The door breaking down answers Nicole's question. With a grimace Nicole clasps her hands together.

"Now repeat after me: Lady Aqua, please save these unworthy souls from the fruits of their many, many, MANY mistakes." Aqua says with the smuggest finger twirling. Jecka repeats the phrase with a warbled voice, and Nicole repeats it utterly deadpan with white knuckles and blood from her hands.

"Good girls~." Aqua says before stepping into the mortal realm, the tone getting an eye twitch from Nicole.

The door is fully demolished as the doll hoard approaches and Aqua raises a hand.

"Sacred Turn Undead~." She commands a pillar of light blinds everyone, bright enough that the guard from the city gate turn to see the beacon behind them.

The dolls harmlessly fall to the ground, and necklaces appear around Jecka and Nicole's necks as Aqua takes the wine bottle saunters back into Heaven.

"Don't forget I saved you after all the trouble you put me through you useless little drug addicts. Keep some good wine around and I might be open to gracing you once more~."

'…I will kill her if it's the last thing I do.' Nicole thinks while standing up. Jecka looks up at her and blanches at Nicole's face.

Nicole turns to the door and grins.

"Least those things are gone, this'll be the last time we deal with undead, ghosts or other bullshit for a while now. Plus, with the damage, the value will be lower, so the wannabe corpse fucker gets less now." Nicole says before stretching and going to her room.

===

In a castle far away, an armored warrior takes a knee to an elderly horned man on a throne.

"My liege, you called for me?"

"Yes Beldia…I offer you a chance to admit your mistakes from the other day." The horned man says and the warrior glances away while his head is bowed.

"I…do not know what mistakes you refer too."

"Your head was in my daughter's bath! Again!"

"I slipped!"

"Bull Honkey!" The horned man says.

"You cannot prove I had ill intent this time! I know my head was-" Beldia stops when he feels the air chill, his undead breath now visible as he breaths.

The Demon King sees this and his own breath, making them both forget the prior moment as they turn to the doorway that leads to a room with a certain person's phylactery.

There stands Wiz, hood up, a sleeved hand shaking in obvious anger.

"G-good to see you Wiz, I didn't know you were coming here to-" The Demon King stops when she turns to him, the sight of her new face stunning him into silence.

Half of her face is now a skull.

 

[Hellion]

There stands Wiz, hood up, a sleeved hand shaking in obvious anger.

Click to shrink...

The TWIST!! Oh no, the pain that has been wrought! Nicole shall feel the Wrath of an Undead Woman Scorned. If only Kazuma didn't get dragged down with the worst kinds of women, at least he'll get to live his dream as being a hero. Though I don't think he will ever receive a heroes reward.

 

[Gargoyle9000]

YYEEAAAHHHH, Wiz is alive!!!

 

[Anybody]

What are the chances that Kazuma got the same idea? Because if so then he and Megumin already have a head start.
But now that I think about it didn't Wiz lived in her's shop backroom? Maybe that's where the "All Archmage Party" will live?

Click to shrink...

"Yeah, that's on me…but it's good to know we got options." Nicole says, making Darkness squeak as she opens the door. Entering she sees Kazuma leaning against the counter, arms crossed.

"I knew it…" Kazuma says from inside the store.

"…Somehow I'm not surprised you're here. But I still have to ask, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from raiding Wiz's place."

Click to shrink...

Oh yeah I called it!

"Fuck, the fall is too high…we'd probably break something and get killed from being unable to run." Nicole says.

"Or in the hospital like Kylar…" Jecka says as another piece of door breaks off.

"Wanna share a bottle of wine?"

"Sure…better way to go than last time. And I doubt the dolls can fuck this u as bad as the rope." Nicole says as Jecka uncorks the bottle the same time as a rip appears in the room.

"Seriously? Coming to gloat as we get stabbed?" Nicole asks as Aqua's hand appears through the rift.

"Give me the bottle and I'll save you~."

"…How do we know you won't just run away with it?" Nicole asks.

"The fool is a lush and will do anything for liquor." Pyra shouts from further in the tear.

"I am not! But if you really want to secure the salvation from the most beautiful Goddess, you can convert to my faith~."

"Why the fuck would I be religious here when I was never-" The door breaking down answers Nicole's question. With a grimace Nicole clasps her hands together.

"Now repeat after me: Lady Aqua, please save these unworthy souls from the fruits of their many, many, MANY mistakes." Aqua says with the smuggest finger twirling. Jecka repeats the phrase with a warbled voice, and Nicole repeats it utterly deadpan with white knuckles and blood from her hands.

"Good girls~." Aqua says before stepping into the mortal realm, the tone getting an eye twitch from Nicole.

The door is fully demolished as the doll hoard approaches and Aqua raises a hand.

"Sacred Turn Undead~." She commands a pillar of light blinds everyone, bright enough that the guard from the city gate turn to see the beacon behind them.

The dolls harmlessly fall to the ground, and necklaces appear around Jecka and Nicole's necks as Aqua takes the wine bottle saunters back into Heaven.

Click to shrink...

Wait so they realy are the Axis cultists now? Or maybe even Aqua's slaves? Oh man and here I though that I would never fell sorry for Aqua.

 

[Davos]

Oh yeah I called it!

Wait so they realy are the Axis cultists now? Or maybe even Aqua's slaves? Oh man and here I though that I would never fell sorry for Aqua.

Click to shrink...

Axis Cultists, not slaves...though knowing how the typical cultist is, wouldn't be a stretch for her to try and make have a similar mindset as slaves.

 

[Davos]

'That's not from a lack of beauty sleep…' Beldia thinks, flinching under Wiz's one eyed stare as she approaches him.

"H-hello, how are-"

"Strip." Wiz says in a razored monotone.

"Huh?"

"G-General Wiz that is not-" The Demon King goes silent when he sees his breath fogging in front of him.

"I need your armor. It still has anti holy magic capabilities and conforms to its wearer, correct?"

"Y-yes but this is my armor, my lord gifted it to-"

"You can either take it off or be frozen with it forever." Wiz says and Beldia begrudgingly goes to a nearby room and takes it off, coming out in a leather hunting outfit from his days as a human. Wiz takes the armor and it conforms over her robe.

"I'm taking the horse too."

"You're taking Cinnamon too?!" Beldia says, but Wiz ignores him and rides off into the distance.

"Give her sugar cubes, please!" Beldia shouts.

===

The trio from another world stares up at the sky, sharing an odd moment of silent agreement.

An agreement that this world is utterly absurd as they look at flying cabbage.

Their agreement that is further strengthened when flying produce is an emergency.

"…If this world has magic but finds vegetables an emergency, this place is doomed." Nicole says.

"…It does look like they hit hard if her moans are anything to go by." Jecka says, as Darkness groans from an impact that chips another piece of her armor.

"Yeah…"

"…Seriously? Getting off from this?" Nicole asks.

"Like you aren't? Don't you find abuse hot?" Kazuma asks back as Darkness yells out, extending her arms to be a bigger target.

"I only find it hot when I'm doing the abusing."

"…Screw this, I'm getting my money." Kazuma says before disappearing.

"Did he just…?" Jecka asks before a bolt of thunder fries a few dozen cabbages, leaving them motionless as their outer shell crackles off to reveal a finely browned second layer.

'Must be one of those skills I heard about at the bar…Should really get to learning some of those now that I got a bunch of skill points.' Nicole thinks before reaching a hand out.

===

"You actually made the pair of them your followers!?" Pyra asks after her initial burst of laughter dies down, a string of giggles still punctuating her speech.

"I sure did, and I won't make them forget it! Begging me to save their butts from a bunch of dolls, and it barely took a second for me~." Aqua says before taking a swig from her bottle.

"…Lady Aqua, I don't think this is the proper way to-" Eris stops when Aqua points at her face.

"Nothing proper about them! Reasoning, appealing to their good nature, and being the usual good Goddess won't work! Got to make them aware who the head honcho is, capisce!?"

"…Can't believe I am agreeing with you for once…but don't use that phrase again, I know we watched some movies to get over thinking about that horrid woman, but it's painful hearing you use-" Pyra starts screaming as her fingers curl backwards.

"Told you! Not even a day and they're already torturing Pyra again…mainly because they know not to mess with me~."

"Do something before I'm a pret- aHaHAHHHH!"

====

"What do you mean these aren't acceptable?!" Nicole asks Luna while gesturing to her roasted greens.

"Well…they aren't cabbage, but lettuce and-"

"How does that matter?! It's still a flying leafy green!"

"Yes, but far less valuable I'm afraid. You'll still be compensated, but it won't be near as much…" Luna says, leaving Nicole with an eye twitch.

"Trouble in paradise?" A certain young man says, his smug grin falling when Nicole turns to him.

"Not in the mood today for you."

"When are you ever? And we still need to discuss my-" Kazuma tries to continue but Nicole is out of the guild already.

"Payment…"

After some aggravated walking, she calms down a bit.

'May as well try and find someone to teach me something. Since learning magic the old fashion way here is useless and impossible, may as well look for skills that increase my survivability like the disappearing trick…think it was a thief skill so it shouldn't be hard too for me. Already know how to avoid crowds normally so- oh right. He's a thief.' Nicole thinks before approaching a guy with short white hair.

"Hey there."

"Hm?...Hello."

"You're Chris right?"

"Yes, but why are you talking to me?"

"No need to be so surprised. I just thought you were kinda handsome and I would love to learn some thief skills if you have the time. When are you free~?" Nicole asks with a wink, and is surprised when Chris scowls.

'Huh…Didn't think that would be too much. Maybe it's a cultural thing?' Nicole thinks before Chris clears his throat.

"…I really don't want to spend time with you…and can you not try flirting with me? It's a little odd having another girl wink at me."

"Wait, you're a girl?"

"What do you think this is for?" Chris asks while pointing to the leather on her chest.

"I thought it was a fashion thing around here like the guild uniforms or some of the skimpy as hell women armor. That or you were metro or flamboyantly gay or something. So much for having a gay friend now…" Nicole says.

"I-I have a chest!"

"Barely."

"…I'm leaving now."

"Can you at least tell me someone who would teach me some skills? Or at least a way to learn this shit where I don't need someone?"

"Find out on your own. There's plenty of fighters and swordsman who can teach you."

"I don't want to learn how to fight, too messy."

"There's ranged combat too."

"You know any of that?" Nicole asks.

"No. Now excuse me, I have a quest to get to with my-"

"Hey!" Kazuma says, making Nicole sigh.

"I'll get your money later so stop stalking me." Nicole says.

"Didn't come here for you; you're just an unwanted bonus…but I expect that payment soon."

"Bite me…but if you're not playing at petty money collector, why are you here?"

"Getting my party member for a quest." Kazuma says, making Nicole look at Chris.

"Huh…heh heh. Oh my God…!"

"…I'm just going to ignore that inane laugh. I know nothing good can come from it."

"I traumatized you away from big boobs! This is rich!"

"You did not. I like all types." Kazuma says so matter of fact that Chris covers her face. Nicole walks down the street, giggling as Kazuma tries to salvage things with Chris.

Further down the road Nicole comes across an archer heading towards the guild.

'…Ranged combat huh? Wouldn't have to deal with as much gore that way…'

===

The next day Darkness finds herself in Heaven.

The cage bar goes crunch from between the alligator's powerful jaws.

Darkness almost extends her arm so it can bite her but she holds herself back.

'That would be too brazen…but if they came into the cage and forced my arm into their, trapping it between their razor sharp mouth, crushing and flailing me around, then I could not be blamed right~?' Darkness thinks before an arrow pierces the gator's head.

"Where do they all come from?" Nicole mutters as she readies another shot, muttering 'snipe'. Darkness looks on in growing sadness as she is left safely in the cage.

"So…do you think 10 minutes is enough to clean this lake? Looks pretty swampy." Jecka says.

"I'm open to ideas. Only remotely magic thing I learned was making small fire from my fingers and applying blessings to small things." Nicole says.

"…Is that a sex thing?" Jecka asks as she rifles through her bag.

"No, magic blessing. Who would I even have sex with aside from my pet…and I'm half certain she'd break me in half."

"Kinda hot…"

"Not when it's literal and-" Nicole stops when Jecka pulls out an unmistakable red stick.

"They have dynamite in this world?"

"Got it from a miner back in Axel and after a wink he even showed me how to make it too!"

"Bitching! Let's do some fishing!"

"Shouldn't we pull Darkness back in first so she isn't hit in the blast radius?" Jecka asks and Nicole looks at her.

"You forgot-"

"Yeah I did…but shouldn't we warn her?"

"Na, call it a pleasant surprise." Nicole says before chucking the first of many sticks.

===

"H-honestly! You should have warned me first!" Darkness says from inside the cage as they go back in town.

"You sounded like you were enjoying yourself." Nicole says while sitting on the back part of the cart.

"M-maybe, but a little consideration would be nice. I'm still human after all.

"…Didn't you insist on being transported back into town while in a cage?" Jecka asks while sitting in the back a cigarette in her mouth.

"Don't change the subject, that is a different matter altogether!"

"I'm just saying…people are staring…" Jecka asks.

"Not like she would have come out anyway. Bitch is as heavy as a stone."

"I-I-I am not! I am a light dainty woman!" Darkness says with intensely red cheeks.

"Didn't expect you to be self conscious about your weight after everything-" Nicole stops when an armored man stands in front of the cart's path.

"Move you're in the middle of the road."

"I realize, but I cannot stand by as blatant slavery "

"So subtle slavery is ok?" Nicole asks while getting down from the cart as the armored man grunts before waving a hand as he speaks.

"N-no! I meant slavery in general! More importantly, why do you have a crusader in a cage like…that?" He gestures to Darkness and her half torn armor, lightly black powdered face and limbs, and her disturbing smile.

"She likes it." Nicole says and Darkness squirms.

"Absurd. She must be placed under hypnosis! No normal person would tolerate being treated like this!"

"She ain't normal." Jecka says, making Darkness clasp her own mouth shut to stymie the moan.

"I demand you release this crusader from her bondage." The man says.

"Already did, she wanted to be seen like this." Nicole says, leaving the man stunned a moment before he pulls out his sword.

"Then I challenge you to a duel!"

"What? Are you kidding me? I don't even have a sword and a bow is shit at this range!"

"That is not my concern! I, Mitsurugi, as a Hero destined to slay the Demon King I will-"

"Oh God another weirdo from Japan…" Nicole groans.

"W-wait, you know-?! Now that I look closer, your attire is odd for this world."

"Like you need a reason to look closer?" Nicole asks and he looks away with a blush.

"T-that is not what I-" Mitsurugi freezes when Nicole steps closer with a smile.

"Shame…I wouldn't mind if you took a closer a look~." Nicole says and Mitsurugi drops his sword, sputtering in a response. Nicole grabs the sword handle and starts walking away with it.

"H-hey! You can't take that! It's my legendary blade and-" Mitsurugi stops when Nicole raises a palm to his face.

"Create water." She says and a jet of water shoots fourth, sending Mitsurugi down the street as a waterlogged mess, the liquid in his armor now encumbering his movements. Nicole leans the blade towards Jecka.

"Free shit? It's not even my birthday!"

"You cowards!" A red haired girl says from the side. Nicole flips her off and they continue on their way.

===

Nicole leaves the weapon store with a grimace.

'100k for that sword? Legendary my ass…Between this and the lake quest this will barely cover the first payment unless I want to try negotiating a lower rate with that guy. It'll take a week before those gators show back up and another quest is put up too…How the fuck is a dusty, doll infested manor with some of the wood rotting worth 4 million?' Nicole thinks before heading back to said manor.

"I wonder if they have a lottery here?" Nicole wonders out loud.

 

[crissthethief]

Nah I kinda love the fact that Kazuma and Nicole bounce off the way they do to each other if Kazuma wasn't a dude I'd think they'd be friends lol.

 

[Anybody]

"I traumatized you away from big boobs! This is rich!"

"You did not. I like all types." Kazuma says so matter of fact that Chris covers her face. Nicole walks down the street, giggling as Kazuma tries to salvage things with Chris.

Click to shrink...

Oh gosh. That's hilarious! And now Kazuma realy have to recruit Yunyun if for nothing else that to prove Nicole wrong, the fact that Nicole will use this to accuse him of pedophilia is irrelevant.

Nah I kinda love the fact that Kazuma and Nicole bounce off the way they do to each other if Kazuma wasn't a dude I'd think they'd be friends lol.

Click to shrink...

Wait you think they aren't? Because for me it all looks like a perfectly normal (un)healthy friendship.