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Bad Company (Taylor/OC, Worm AU)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Eatersgrin, May 20, 2022.

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  1. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    Not bragging, just trying to explain why I'm not in a magic headspace.

    More like 'i tried it out myself and I didn't feel like it was my best work and don't want to get burned again so soon'
     
  2. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    I hope I don't sound like a creep asking this but what where those books you got published called? I kinda want too check them out.
     
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  3. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    No worries. I'll get back to you on that when I can find a decent version of it out there that isn't trying to sell two chapters of the collection at 99 cents a throw.
     
  4. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    Am really excited to see how Ray would react when Taylor goes full warlord. Taylor is extremely good at justifying her god awful choices to herself it's one of her defining traits. Not to mention her my way or the highway and ingroup good and out group bad thinking. Because dealing with Taylor's shit is a very interesting experience.
     
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  5. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    I'm actually in the middle of writing the beginnings of that start of darkness but now we got Ray doing things differently and throwing things off.
     
  6. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    I have to say Taylor psychology makes her one of my favorite villains. She just so fucking self deluded I wanted to jump into the page and just slap her. Say what you want about Wildbow but the dude writes interesting people
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2022
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  7. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    I believe Taylor believes she's doing the right thing. Then she rotted off a man's junk. Then she carved out the same dude's eyes. Then she robbed a bank. Then she robbed the PRT. Then she committed treason. Then she killed a superhero. Then she killed a high ranking Federal officer. And then she shot a baby.

    That's where I draw the line.
     
  8. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    The way Taylor works is she picks a goal that most people think would be good. She then proceeds to do all types of fucked up shit where she then tells herself was okay because it was all in-service of said goal. If mental gymnastics was a olympic sport Taylor's would be a gold medalist.
     
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  9. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    You tell that to Ray and his mind goes back to watching the Olympics with his grandpa and now Ray is wondering where he can find a gymnast outfit for Taylor.
     
  10. Alice Fairchild

    Alice Fairchild Getting out there.

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    I really love this fic. I was looking for any Taylor/OC fics because it's something new and there's just so few out there.
    Honestly a great story. Nice plot, grammar and good pacing. I'd say that even though in some places, it feels rushed, that's still something that "flows" - simply because of the OC character.
    I think something that frustrates me is that the MC doesn't think things through often. This is something which is changing from character growth and it IS part of the OC's charm but still, the OC feels somewhat...passive. At this point, as a reader, it certainly feels like there's a huge "block" in the story aka Coil. It's frustrating because the MC is "losing" in everything but love. Yet, the story feels realistic. I suppose this is what makes it interesting but take care to not simply prolong this. There simply must be a sort of win in the future.
    Anyways, I've rambled on long enough. Thank you for writing the fic. Honestly feels pretty relaxed from full week of overtime. Take care and keep up the good work!
     
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  11. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    Thank you for your thoughts and sticking with it.

    I literally got chewed out for what you pointed out on Spacebattles just this morning. I was feeling pretty down because I'm just trying to share a story. So I really appreciate you couching your message with some hope.

    (I tend to ramble so I don't notice when others do it.)

    Sometimes I lean a bit too much into sticking close to Wildbow's sadsack world, but for me that's kind of the point of Ray. He's not Taylor he's not a super tactician. He's been clearly sheltered and has a very Disney-tinted view of the world. But I get it, it's frustrating he's being picked on and kicked around and he just rolls with it.

    I'm not trying to write 30 arcs like Wildbow but we're still just in the second arc, I still have a whole other half of it to get things going for Ray. I had messages from a couple people I was going to railroad Ray into Taylor's story and just stick to canon with Ray just casually jammed in.

    We're still not fully in AU territory yet but we getting there. So I appreciate the encouragement and we'll see what being passed around the Warlord Territories everyday for a few days does to Dusty Boy.

    Also we're dangerously close to the Nine showing up.
     
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  12. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    I have to say Ray's and Taylor's dynamic kinda reminds me of how Reagen and Brett from Inside Job interact minus the whole romance bit
     
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  13. Alice Fairchild

    Alice Fairchild Getting out there.

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    I think I might not be coming across too clearly and that's my fault. That was me giving, in my opinion, a "great job" review.
    Additional thoughts: What makes the story works is the realism of it. Ray isn't a Garu Stu. As you've said, he's pretty sheltered despite the terrible things that have happened to him. His fumbling around and chaotic actions and thoughts are what makes this more "real". Almost ALL other fics have MC who are almost always decisive and their actions lead to some sort of "good and quick".
    Honestly, having an MC with a somewhat optimistic outlook on life, in worm, especially in Brockton Bay, is one of the bonus points of the story.
    So yeah, I wasn't rushing you. Also, I'm one of those readers that don't actually notice WHEN an arc has ended and another is starting.
    This isn't advice but just me, as someone who's a fan of this story point out something - The fact that you've got people reviewing, engaging and taking time to write out their thoughts on your story means that you're doing pretty great, as an author. Many authors don't realize this. You only get people to react on your fic if the story is interesting.
    Anyways, take care. Not used to holding conversations with authors but hope this helps out!
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2022
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  14. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    A MC that doesn't demolish the opposition with their super powers and or galaxy brain IQ is a big no no to a lot of people on SB. While others would call stuff like that bad writing.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2022
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  15. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    Sorry, I focused on negative stuff or stuff ai perceived as negative. I get into the center of my cone of lowness and assume ropes being thrown to pull me out are snakes or materials for a noose to speed things up. I'm melodramatic like that.

    I very much appreciate your words! I really do. I'm the words of Tumblr 'i print these out and roll around in them like catnip'. JumboSeaFood has their very own pile.

    And it's true any attention is good attention because it means they're reading the thing. Even if it's to tear me a new one because I haven't gotten to the Ray kicking ass part yet. (I swear I had him knee Leviathan between the legs at one point but that was a group win).
     
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  16. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    That's some of the feedback Im getting. 'Rays fun to hear what he's saying and thinking, but since he's not an action movie hero he's not cutting it.'

    I need to look into this Inside Job thing with Regan and Brett. When my best comparison is April and Andy from Parks and Rec for inspiration, and my own early experiences with my SO.
     
  17. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    Strangely enough a lot of people on SB haven't read anything by Wildbow and have a hate boner for him. What they do like is Taylor alt powers where she effortlessly curb stomps the setting and or poorly written male gazey Yuri.

    Also you really should watch inside job it's hilarious. The basic premise is it's a workplace comedy sit in the shadow government. Following workaholic mad scientist Reagan Ridley daughter of a high ranking official and her coleader Brett Hand who rose to this position solely by the means of his good looks and a pathological need for everybody to like and affirm him which he will do almost anything for.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2022
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  18. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    Is that that animated show? It looks interesting from the clips I've seen on YouTube
     
  19. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    Yes I would give it a nine out of ten very funny and Reagen is a outstanding character.
     
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  20. Galeiam

    Galeiam Optimistically Asexual.

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    At times reading this is nice and fluufy, and at other times reading this feels me with a sense of annoyance and impatience.

    Ah, awkward teens.
     
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  21. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    Someone gets it. Kudos to you.
     
  22. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    With Taylor frustrating actions are the name of the game.
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2022
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  23. Alice Fairchild

    Alice Fairchild Getting out there.

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    I've read the last review on SB. I think I can give an objective explanation about what it was about.

    From a reader's perspective, when things go bad for our favourite MC, we don't like it. That's something that's very normal. It doesn't mean we'll quit reading the story.
    Only you're missing the "connection" between your MC and your readers.

    I'm pretty bad at expressing myself so I'll just write how I felt about the "coil and pendrive scene".

    So, first, I like the MC. Now, comes in the bad guy strolling in and trying to manipulate said MC. After all the shit Coil has done, he's still gonna pop up and mess with the MC. So, I'm annoyed. Then comes Coil's order/request for the MC to steal information.
    My feelings - The nerve of this guy! Excited because the scene is still interesting. Plus instinctive anger at Coil for once again pushing the MC around.

    So what was missing here - The MC's anger. He should be incandescent with rage. Then slowly calm down when he realises that Coil still has Taylor in his grips and he can't do anything about it right now. There should be a moment where his restraint is about to fail but he still pulls himself together and "bows" - This communicates to your readers that the MC is "accepting this loss for now" but there will be payback later.

    Basically show the entire "thought" process - From his anger, to his realisation that he can't win right now and add in his giving up but promising revenge in his mind.
    It makes it easier to accept for your readers if we can empathize with the MC in pivotal moments like this.

    This is the second time I'm going into such details when reviewing a story. I was just annoyed at the review on SB - do readers not realise that authors are humans as well? Authors get discouraged from senseless comments like that.

    I'll affirm that with whatever you're read above, I DON'T want you to change your writing style. I like it as it is. Just trying to give you some perspective from a reader's point of view.

    Hope this helps!
     
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  24. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    I appreciate it. A lot actually. I really shouldn't rely on reader affirmations but it helps. It really do.

    In this case, the disconnects in Ray's actions are for a reason. But now from this stepped back perspective. I see how it's not palatable when you're invested and the MC seems less so.

    Gotcha, gotcha.
     
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  25. Threadmarks: Arc 2, Ch 7: Plata o Plomo
    Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    [​IMG]

    I personally delivered the last of the kits to the groups and families around the territory. I also took snack and drink orders from the same people. Chips, cookies, snack cakes, even pudding cups, plus Cold Beers and sodas, hot coffee and chocolate, some just wanted some ice for their water, all of it as a gift for their patience.

    I may be fast but that many specific things to gather from what Cranston made available plus what we had at the base took its toll. It also weighed on me seeing little kids more hungry and thirsty than scared of the - strange masked criminal bringing them snacks.

    By the time I made it back to the entrance to Skitter's base the Sun was almost gone. My own stomach grumbled and the skin on my lips was threatening to crack and bleed. I punched in the code to the door and the smell of chicken and bacon hit me. I was practically salivating at the combination of smells.

    "That smells so damn good", I had to say out loud cuz it was true dammit.

    I pulled my mask from my head and draped it across my shoulder.

    Taylor was cooking up a storm, two pans sizzled, and a sauce pan held something orange and green I hadn't seen before. At this point I wasn't going to be picky, I just watched her work her Taylor-Fu on the stove.

    "Food still needs time. Go shower and change into something comfy, okay?"

    I nodded as she shooed me away. Being pretty tired I tried to remember what she was wearing. Then I realized I saw her wearing one of my home shirts, a black faded Brockton Brigade logo tee with holes in it for drying it in the dryer too much. I didn't remember if she was wearing pants or shorts, the old shirt wasn't that long on her, but it draped on her from her thin shoulders, and I was more than okay with that mental image as I climbed to the third floor.

    I aired out my costume after removing it and hosed it down with some generic Febreze stuff. I showered and I was pretty sure, despite the suit, I'd still be coated in dirt from all the trudging through mud and flood waters for hours dust powers or not. Pretty sure the shower had a ring in it from Taylor already but the one I left was much darker.

    Guess I was proud of that, keeping her from doing grunt work, especially if she was going to be Queen of the Docks. There was a half empty bottle of water sitting on the bathroom counter and I chugged it. Hopefully she wasn't growing sea monkey eggs in it or something.

    Comfortable.

    Comfy.

    I pulled on some tan shorts and an old brown tee of my grandfather's, the faded Atari logo in white. I remember he mentioned they used to make the Atari consoles down in south Texas and he worked for them back in the early eighties. Back when arcades were cool but starting to die off.

    I started down the stairs and I realized I'll never know all those details from his life. He was gone and Coil had Abuela. If my Mother still was alive out there she'd be all that was left to know I existed, not that she cared. There are child soldiers in war torn countries with it worse than me. Starving people, human slaves bought and sold everyday, a lot of people have it worse off. I'll get Abuela back and I'm just tired, and Taylor needs me.

    As I made my way to the bottom the chicken put my stomach in charge as I wandered to the kitchen.

    "Hey there, good looking, what's cooking?"

    She looked up at me, grease dripped from her chin, a smear of some sauce at the corner of her mouth, eyes wide like I caught her mid-crime.

    "Hungry", she mumbled with a mouthful of food.

    "I couldn't tell", I replied and pointed to a plate of chicken with bits of bacon sprinkled over it. Next to it on the plate was Mac and cheese with broccoli in it, some toasted buttered bread and a squeeze of ranch dressing.

    "Chicken bacon ranch, huh?"

    She nodded and set her plate on the countertop and took a seat on a stool. I pulled a seat next to her and turned the toast and chicken into a sandwich occasionally dipping my next bite into the ranch.

    We ate mostly quietly, finishing at about the same time and I grabbed us each a couple bottles of Dragon's Green Tinker Tea from the fridge.

    "Have you heard of this stuff?"

    She shook her head, "Nope. It says 'Made in Canada'."

    "Bottled in… Sir- Syracuse, New York."

    Taylor shrugged and took a drink, then made a sour face. A face that could mean anything with my Annie.

    I took a long drink and it had a lot of lemon in it and I really hoped it was green tea.

    "You did well out there, Ray", she said as she took a seat on the stairs. Her mouth quirked with a hint - no, a smidge of a smile, "In some cultures minions who served well got rewarded for their hard work."

    I laid back on the stairs and the edge of each step poked me uncomfortably in the legs, butt, back and head, "I try."

    Taylor shifted on her step and finally twisted her body to better face me as I lightly punished myself with temporary discomfort.

    "We're going to get her back. We can - I can talk to Tattletale and see what she's come up with? Or you can transport some bugs to Coil's base. I can use them to track Circus?"

    "Don't worry about it. That's my problem to solve. She's my family. You have your territory, your people", I answered her and ground the back of my head into the metal edge.

    "I know for a fact you would be the first person to volunteer to do something if Coil had grabbed my dad and you know that".

    I banged the back of my head on the edge of the step hard, "Cuz that's who I am, Taylor. Not everyone is dumb enough to charge off to fight Sergeant Snake and his army of murder clowns like it's a really dangerous cartoon sho… I- I'm going to wake up with the terrariums all over me, aren't I?"

    Her frown made its appearance. I should make bingo cards for these conversations. I love her but she turns inward, I don't know if she's talking to herself through this or I'm the only one freaking out inside when dealing with people but I give her the time she needs to find words or actions to show me how she's doing.

    Annie leaned over me and flicked me between the eyes, "I've had it done to me but I never thought I'd ever do that to anyone."

    "I - deserved that?"

    Her brow furrowed.

    "I deserved that."

    "No, you didn't but you are assuming I'm too scared to fight Coil."

    "Yes, because as much as I keep charging at him I don't feel an ounce of brave or macho doing it. In my Abuelo's time the old gangsters would find good people, something about them would catch their eye. It'd be like their businesses, their land, their wife, sons or daughters. They'd pull a gun on them and ask them ¿Plata o Plomo? Silver or lead. Basically give me what I want for what I offer or die."

    "And that's how Coil makes you feel. He's offering you money for your honor otherwise he'll ruin or take your life."

    I nodded.

    "I may not be the most - comforting partner but, look I flicked you in the head to show you what he's doing to you, Ray."

    What?

    "What?" It was my turn to furrow my brow.

    "I recognize this all too well. He's bullying you into doing what he wants, Ray. Instead of a gun he uses knowledge. He knows who you are, he knows what matters to you, and he's -"

    "Made his own Trio with the clowns to mess with my dumb ass."

    She grabbed my hand between hers and pulled me up as she stood, "Exactly, I don't know why clowns but yes. With what Tattletale says and what Coil's done, you are not a part of his plan. The interesting thing is that he controls that - Consultant."

    "Calvert".

    "And Calvert has access to The Wards and PRT files."

    "Yeah, basically", I replied as I followed behind her as we went up the stairs.

    "So before we got the files for him, he knew who you were, right?"

    "Tattletale could have told him", I asserted while we made our way into the bedroom.

    I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into my lap. Definitely she wasn't wearing shorts, and I looked her over. My eyes had adjusted to the dark of the room and her black eye from the PRT Lobby fight had reduced to mostly yellow skin discoloration with slight purple blotches.

    "No, she swears she dealt with you on her own. She didn't want you screwing over the team."

    "The team? Okay. Sure, but do you trust her?"

    Taylor chewed at a piece of dry skin at the bottom of her lip and looked away.

    That should not be making my mind drift but it does. I'm told I'm a weirdo, I'm aware.

    "It's okay, you can say it. I kinda question your sanity, but ya know, it's in short supply for everyone in the Bay right now."

    "Okay, yes, I trust her - in a way. So that leaves Calvert on setting you up for capture and revealing who your family is to Coil."

    "Yeah, I've dealt with him twice and got screwed over twice. I see what you're getting at. We can try something with Calvert, I just hate what happened at-"

    I reached up to her face and Taylor drew her head back a bit, "It kills me to see you like this."

    "Is it that bad?", she looked away. "It's healing, it'll go away."

    "Please, don't turn away, Annie. I just - I could have done it without the huge distraction. He just threw you all at the PRT and - c'mon, please look at me. Or I'm just going to claim my reward starting with your neck instead."

    Quickly she turned and narrowed her eyes, "Reward?"

    "Typically when a minion goes above and beyond they get rewarded, remember?" It was my turn to smirk.

    "Well what kind of reward can you do to my neck then?" Taylor cocked an eyebrow.

    "Ah ah, Boss has gotta offer their minion up to half her kingdom for that sorta reveal. Otherwise it's embarrassing and she can say no."

    Taylor's face, those big probing eyes were unreadable even this close. I hope she understood I may be playing but I'm not joking around either.

    "Okay, I'll reward you up to half my kingdom, now tell me, and it better not be too weird."

    So rude.

    "Alright, I - I wanna, ahem, I being myself-"

    "What!?" she reacted less offended and more confused.

    "I wanna kiss you all over. Yeah, you heard me", I said as I pulled her closer.

    She tucked her chin down against her neck as I brought my face close.

    "All over? Weren't we just talking abou-" she tried to protest.

    I kissed her quickly on the lips, "Nah, later. Reward now."

    She squirmed in my arms, her face warm and flush, "If you really mean all over I have one objection especially if you want to kiss me properly ever again."

    "Objection? What's wrong?"

    "You said ALL over."

    Oh.

    Ohhhhhhhh.

    "N-not that thorough but like, ya know?" I gestured roughly at her head and torso.

    "You say that but I tend to take charge so don't get offended if I, I dunno, knee you in the face… in panic."

    "Noted".

    ~~x

    When I heard Lisa had opened a shelter in her territory I assumed it would be made of gingerbread with a giant oven with a big cookbook called 'How To Serve Children'. It wasn't but that's just my imagination for you. And of course it was populated with Coil's Mercs. One squirrely looking bastard had his eyes on me and my Abuela the entire time we were talking.

    The Sun beat down everything enough that the water had evaporated. The place was busy with people lined up or resting everywhere. Cots and chairs being setup, children trying to play, and adults looking worried or miserable. But that stare on the one soldier…

    I hated every second.

    My grandmother, who only hurt souls who had it coming in her life, was under Sergeant Snake's sword of - damas- demo- a really sharp sword held up by a thread.

    "Mijo, I am in good shape. Los Doctores son muy buenos en el campo", she said, very proud of her energy and activities as she helped cook for the shelter.

    I had to fake my reason for my actual concern which confused even me, "Abuela, the quarantine when I went to the church. That was crazy. I didn't know what to think other than it was bad.."

    "Tsk, Mijo. The waters were making people sick. We had to go but it's okay. It was temporary and I meet Sierra y su hermano, Bryce. Gringos, but they're good kids, I take care of them, you - take care of the city, si?"

    I just hugged her, maybe a little too hard and she rubbed my back.

    "Ahora, ¿qué hay de tu novia?" (Now, what about your girlfriend?)

    "Ahh, she's okay. She got a black eye when we fought with some - looters but she's okay. I kissed it and made it better", I grinned.

    "¡Estás sucio!" (You're dirty!)

    She poked me hard in the chest accusingly, I might have just over played my hand, "Compórtate, ella es una buena chica." (Behave, she's a good girl.)

    "Por supuesto, Mamà". (Of course, Mom.)

    "Ay, como tu abuelo." (Oh my, just like your grandfather.)

    "Anyway, we're just down at the docks. We're helping people out that are living over there. We're getting them supplies and keeping them safe."

    Abuela stood up, "Alright Mijo, I have to get back and help to cook."

    "Siempre estás cocinando, Abuela." (You're always cooking, Grandmother.)

    She laughed, "Tsk! ¡Y siempre tienes hambre!" (And you're always hungry!)

    Lisa waved at Abuela as she headed back to the mess area with a girl in dreadlocks and a younger teen, and then called me over.

    "Don't call me Dusty Boy", I warned her.

    She wore a 'Who Me?' expression which changed to her usual 'Fuck your stupid face' grin, "Now now mijo, I talked to Coil for your girlfriend, and got him to put her in my care. Same threats still apply but hey, you got to see her and she's close to you now."

    Dammit, this is only slightly better, "And all the soldiers?"

    "Not all of us have trained dogs, a Dusty Boy or a stranger for a little sister, okay?"

    OH MY GOD, WHY AM I LOANED OUT TO HER?!?

    "So the reason you're being pimped my way is we have a Merchant problem. They're holed up at the nearest mall as a recruitment and entertainment center. Some of the shelter people said they're doing messed up stuff across the city: Destroying stores, ruining supply truck routes, wrecking reconstruction and clean up efforts."

    "We?"

    "The Royal 'We', meaning you, you have a Merchant problem. Drug pushers, looters, human trafficking, littering, rapists, jaywalkers - whatever crime pisses you off the most they're doing it."

    I stared at the bruja rubia for a second,"No heads up on capes they got or the mall is a series of booby traps I gotta navigate?" (Blonde witch).

    She rolled her damn eyes, "Skidmark, leader of the Merchants, makes force fields with reduced friction making slippery battlefields. Easily neutralized by the fact your breaker state hovers and flies. Squealer, Mad Max style vehicle tinker with a focus on obnoxious designs. Again easily neutralized by your breaker state by smashing her tinker tech. Mush is basically you but with loose earth, mud, sand, as materials to bulk himself up into a changer-brute. All three are addicts and so they're probably more brain damaged than you. That good?"

    More brain damaged than you… okay, "You're a joy to deal with."

    "Good hunting, Dusty Boy. Have fun smashing stuff."

    As I took my leave of the shelter I waved a big loud goodbye to Abuela who barely acknowledged me back a quick wave. She was always dedicated to her tasks, focused, unlike me.

    I slipped away from the crowds and ducked into an alley and zipped up to the roof. I undressed and under my clothes my costume. It looked perpetually dirty but that's my thing, Dust Devil.

    Not Boy.

    I had worn a loose shirt and khaki pants and rolled them up and stuffed them into the belt's bigger pouch. I'd left the snack bars and spare battery at base. I slipped on my mask and prayed it looked decent since I had no mirror up here and zipped off to the nearest mall location.

    I tried to remember my Wards training, the Archer's Bridge Merchants. They worked out of a tourist shop modeled after a lighthouse. Drug dealers with powers who just really dealt and did drugs. I was never really curious about drugs and the truth was people associated drugs with poor people when it was the drug user lifestyle that put people's money towards their drug use and neglected everything else.

    So long as Tattletale's information is good it means I'm going to be dealing with a lot of angry, high, obnoxious, and scared assholes. Plus maybe more than just the two capes.

    AND BY MYSELF!

    The Team! Oh the Team! The Undersiders are so precious and amaaaaaazing! Send Dusty Boy, he loves playing hero. So big and strong cuz he patrolled so much. He fought an Endbringer. Yes he did. Oh, yes he did. He's such a good boy. Go get 'em!

    I hate her so much. Didn't even pretend to like my Villain Chili.

    Came straight to a halt as I passed near two large but not giant dogs and a disheveled, short haired person waiting in the shade of a building near the mall.

    "Rachel?" I asked as I materialized behind her.

    Her body went rigid, guess I surprised her, as her dogs turned on their heels.

    She gave a short yank on the chains in her hand and gave a muted whistle and the dogs stared intently at me but didn't bark.

    "Did you get word to hit The Merchants, too?" I asked in a hushed voice.

    She nodded and held a finger up to her tight lipped frown.

    I was a lot closer to the dogs than I liked but their unusually large size wasn't monstrous yet but worrisome.

    To me at least.

    But I recognized them, I think they're names were Judas and Brutus. Interesting names since their namesakes were around during those early years when Jesus was little or at least still alive.

    "Rachel - Bitch, look I appreciate what Brutus and Judas, Bullet, Crow, Milk and Stumpy did that night. I'm sorry they got hurt or died but you all - you saved Taylor. And I don't want any more of your dogs getting hurt even for me."

    I felt a pang of regret bringing them up but it's how I feel, stupid tactically as it was. Rachel scowled in her usual way. She did this almost every time I spoke to her.

    "You can do whatever you want but-"

    She shrugged and her focus changed from me to her companions. With a simple gesture her large dogs came up to her and she started scratching them deeply along their scruff like they were at a dog park or maybe home instead of minutes before a big fight.

    Jesus Christo, I just talked myself into a solo fight with a bunch of drug addicts. A trickle of people were passing through the mall's entrance. Looks like something is going on soon to gather a small crowd.

    It's alright. It's cool. They did enough for me and Taylor. Besides I thought I was doing this alone as it is. To calm myself I watched her pet her dogs for another minute and despite what the reports and what Dennis and Chris thought, Rachel wasn't unattractive. She was just more like Taylor or Amy, with certain features more prominent or less hidden by their fashion choices.

    Not that I was interested, just, I'm not sure why people put a focus on the physical to begin with. Looks are just there, I'd rather spend my time talking and sharing than staring for the same amount of time. Then again it's not-

    Shit shit shit, small crowd my ass. Even more people were walking into the Mall's entrance the longer I waited, and they were not dressed for casual shopping.

    Be confident.

    "See you later, Rachel. Enjoy your day off with the Fuzzy ones", I said with a little head nod before turning away and strolling towards the entrance.

    Act like you have a plan.

    As I exited the alleyway I figured I'd play things straight up. Act just as Taylor said Dust Devil was: The Soul of the city, turning where they live from shelter to a nightmare they can't escape.

    I was closing in on the front entrance, a couple of larger than average guys and or gals looking like their heads were shaved with broken glass on a bet, stood beefily by the busted double doors. The usual big windows of various stores advertising sales or new clothes on silver or black plastic mannequins were instead boarded up and spray painted with the fugly M logo for the Merchants.

    I started clearing my throat as I approached trying to get a gruffer voice going to make Dust Devil distinctive enough to get some villain cred. Instead the two guards leaned away from me in disgust.

    The one with tattooed words instead of eyebrows said, "Hey, the only sick fucks allowed in here are the ones paying for ass. Take your corpse to a shelter if you're looking for actual meds."

    "Yeah, only shit in here is recreational, Captain PJs", Said the one with their teeth ground and filed into points.

    Captain. PJs.

    I let my coughing turn into a slow hacking laughter, "Points for the name and warning a fella. Name's Dust Devil. Need to speak to your boss."

    In the words of John 'The Duke' Wayne: Talk low, talk slow and don't say too much. I'm so gonna call someone 'Pilgrim' today.

    "Strict orders, no one is getting in today without having done at least one of the requirements."

    "I broke into the PRT Headquarters, was at the Central Bank robbery, helped Skitter claim the Docks-"

    Brows and Teeth looked at each other.

    "Fought Leviathan, and Lived. That ain't good enough? This place," I gestured to hubbub inside. "Should be… ghost town."

    The two muttered between themselves as their frames blocked the entrance. A slow pile up of people was building behind me.

    "Alright, Skidmark ain't going to like you said Shitter-"

    "Skitter."

    "Claimed the Docks and Boardwalk territory".

    "Skidmark needs to hear this. Not you. In or out? Tick tock", I grabbed my stopwatch from my neck and it beeped as I started the timer.

    Voices behind me were swearing and protesting, echoing the words 'Tick Tock'. It went on long enough to become a chant of sorts.

    Brows shoved a couple colored bracelets at me and Teeth moved aside, "he's doing a thing on stage soon. Find Mush, goblin lookin fucker, he'll get you in touch with Skidmark."

    I nodded and stepped forward into the mall. It was like the internet came to life, the things I saw as I strolled through the place. Aside from actual store merchandise being bought and sold at weird prices or in trade for - I'm assuming drugs, weapons and sex stuff. This was a market for stolen medical and food supplies, handmade and looted weapons, at one point I saw women and younger guys done up and posing for a show?

    As I got closer I was not entirely sure and they weren't entirely dressed either. I hoped this was the stage for Skidmarks show so I could just stomp him and his other capes before things got out of hand here.

    Make up a plan.

    Figured I should pull something to get his attention and luckily I started catching looks from the crowd. A Merchant acting like the MC of the show started raising their voice trying to get my attention.

    "What kinda homeboy are you?" the oldest looking potbellied biker asked me, his arm around a younger woman in heavy makeup years making it run. He had a pretty big gun sitting on his hip, it stood out from the black leather of his vest and belt.

    I did the hacking laughter again, this wiped the smirk from the old guy's face, "Guest of Skidmark. Got a meeting after the show."

    "Meeting, huh? Skidmark really is moving up in the world, another Cape meeting, heh. Fuck it, you wanna buy some strange?" The biker asked as he grabbed a second woman, this one cried less and also wore less.

    I swapped to my breaker state and materialized on stage between the MC and the younger woman.

    I lifted my chin, "Just making myself at home but it sure don't smell like it."

    Everyone on stage took a big step back, a couple of the people on display shrieked or gasped. The old guy had released the girl, on closer inspection she looked familiar, "Your name?"

    Without the biker holding her up she lowered her shoulders and wrapped her arms around herself at my question. Jeers came up from the crowd below the stage, they didn't like me holding up the show. Time to act like the animals, time to channel me some Sophia, "Cat got your tongue, little lady?"

    Again she hesitated as the crowd started grabbing at the stage hungrily. Gross.

    "I'm taking this one", I said, cocking my head at her.

    "Hey, now you gotta p-" I swapped quickly to my breaker state then materialized into his personal space in front of him and drew his pistol from his hip holster.

    Abuelo always said make sure to secure your weapon.

    I'd learned to shoot on a small rifle, just for plinking bottles, cans, signs but always out in the monte with Abuelo, and not in the city. I'd never held a real pistol, let alone a revolver of this weight, but I sure as hell had it in hand and that old biker with his sour smelling sweat didn't.

    I jammed the barrel under his wrinkled, stubbly chin, "Silver or lead, old man? Don't got any silver so you - you're welcome to the lead."
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2022
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  26. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    Is Taylor got let Ray into plan Loli rescue?
     
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  27. MatureRaven

    MatureRaven just a birb

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    Fuck! This version of Taylor is totally my type. Its the freaking hair and glasses. If she also has braises I'm done for. hahhaa

    I've notice that most of the girls I've everbeen with kind of looks like my grandma when she was younger. Which is weird AF..

    Maybe may grandpa has good taste in women?

    Okay. Edging highschool teen. Undercover superhero and call himself the Dust Devil yet cant talk to girls.

    Subverse?

    Its actually pretty good. God cant wait will there I can do the hacker chick!

    I've notice that in these porn games. The girl that I really want is the girl that I cant easily get!
     
  28. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    We shall see
     
  29. Eatersgrin

    Eatersgrin Know what you're doing yet?

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    Glad you like the art!

    Ray has issues. Talking to girls is fine. Talking to girls he's interested in is something else entirely.

    And it's Mass Effect, Mass Effect existed in 2011. Not Subverse.
     
  30. jumboseafood

    jumboseafood Not too sore, are you?

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    I wonder how Rays going to interact with Rachel she's pretty cool and is the only Undersider who hasn't fucked him over
     
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