Blood and Chaos: The Story of a [BTVS] SI Turned Vampire OC

[Aetheron]

***POV Faith***

---

---Sunnydale High Classroom : Monday 3rd Period---

I take my seat in Ms. Tenghast's reading class.

Usually it's one of my favorite classes. A super easy class, just like X-man said, we just read a bunch of books and sometimes have to talk about them.

Today... it means sitting next to X-man while he grumbles angrily about Jack.

"Seriously? Could ya not fuckin talk about my brotheh like that? "

"It's not your brother! It's a demon wearing your brother as a suit!" He hisses back at me.

"He is my-"

Ms. Tenghast's voice interrupts me from behind. "Hi, Faith." I look over as she walks into the room. Glancing back, X has his back to me now.

"Morning, Ms. T."

"You wouldn't happen to know if your brother has ever considered teaching, would you?"

"Oh. Uh... I dunno." I shrug. "We've nevah talked about it. He seems to enjoy his work at the hospital though, why?"

"I just watched him teach Mr. Bardunn's class. It looked like he had a fair bit of practice. Certainly one of the more entertaining math classes I've ever had."

"Oh, yeah. He does that a lot. He and Ames- Amy Madison- are always explaining stuff like that for me. Jack says he's just copyin a chemistry teacher he had once back home. 'Parently he was pretty good 'spite being a soulless monstah."

"Soulless monster?" Ms. T asks me while Xander suddenly sounds like he's choking next to me.

"Yeah, Jack says the guy was a Yankees Fan. Eurgch!" I only need to half fake the retching noise that accompanies such a bad thought.

Ms. T doesn't seem to appreciate just how awful the idea is though because she laughs.

"I gather you're a Red Sox fan then?"

"Damn strai- err- Sorry. Yeah, I am."

The bell rings and Ms. T smiles. "Well, let your brother know I enjoyed his class. I should start my own now though." I nod as she heads up to the front of the room.

"It's not your brother!"

"He is too! And don't give me that shit about him just thinkin he's the same guy that died. Jack knows he ain't-"

"Good morning, class!"

"Good morning, Ms. T."

"Today we're going to start the book, 'Dracula,' by Bram Stoker."

Beside me, X grumbles "Oh, great... more vampires."

"E-fuckin-nough already." This is the guy Dawn is so obsessed with? Christ-

"Xander? Faith? Is everything all right?"

"Just talkin 'bout vampires. X here thinks they all HAVE to be evil soulless monsters."

"And you disagree? I didn't realize you were an Anne Rice fan."

What's rice got to do with... anything? "Yeah... Sure... rice is okay." Except when Jack insists on mixing white rice with peanut butter. That shit ain't okay.


---Sunnydale High Hallways : Monday After 4th Period---

B grabs my arm as I'm walking to the cafeteria and pulls me into the bathroom.

"Shit, B. Let go of me."

Instead of her letting go I get pulled into a hug. "Ya know, B, this is how those rumors got started." I grin.

"You're okay?"

"Ya... Course I am." I tell the blonde hair that's still in my face. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Buffy pulls back a bit, hands on my shoulders. She stares at me with this cute wide eyed- "You- why? Spike's dangerous."

I roll my eyes. "The doofus that spent all Sunday on the couch drinking and arguing with Jack about history is dangerous. Pull the other one, B."

"They're vampires!"

"And Angel is what, exactly? I've lived with Jack for months and I'm fine... And if they're so 'dangerous' why did you let me leave with them?" Let me guess, too busy lookin after gramps?

"Angel needed-"

"Yeah. That's what I thought." I pull away and open the bathroom door. "Oh, by the way, just a heads up... That history I said they were arguing about? Was how many of us Slayers have been murdered by the watchers. You sure it's me that's in danger?"


---Sunnydale High Cafeteria : Monday Lunchtime---

I can hear Ames and Harm talking as I finally make it to our usual spot. "...Cordelia was trying to convince me that he's obviously evil and can't be trusted."

"Yeah. Willow tried to sell me the same crap after math today." Ames rolls her eyes. She spots me headed their way and waves.

I grab the open seat across from Ames and put my lunch down. "You guys getting the third degree too?"

"Oh Goddess, yes. Willow is convinced Jack has some sort of nefarious scheme involving that rail gun you two built." Ames pauses and looks at me funny. "You guy's can't actually destroy the school with it can you?"

"Not unless you can magic the school into somethin watermelon sized first. Maybe the next one we're planning? It should at least be able to put a hole in one of the walls."

"Next one?"

"...Yeah?"

"Why do you need to build more than one?"

"Because the school year goes until June? Because our current one is a pain in the ass to aim? Because... it's fun?"

"This is going to be like crossbow practice all over again isn't it?"

"Hey! I said I was sorry for that!"

Harms interrupts us both, waving her hand between our faces. "Crossbow practice?"


---Sunnydale High Classroom : Monday Last Period---

"Ah, Faith. Might I have a moment?"

"Is it about how Jack can't possibly be my brother, or has to be evil because he's a vamp?"

"Well, yes. I-"

I hold up my hand. "Then fuck off. I'm sick of hearin it. Christ, you people just don't fuckin get it do you? We're family. That actually means something to some of us, ya know?" I turn around and start walking towards the shop classes. "Besides, even if Jack went crazy, Ames would just set him on fire. She's gettin real good at that pyromancy shit."

...

I hear Giles stutter out one last, "Oh good Lord!" Then I'm around the corner and into the crowd.

I must still look annoyed when I walk into class a moment later because Jack's eyebrow goes up immediately, and he asks me; "Something wrong?"

"No... Yes-" I spot Willow walking through the door. Fuckin shit. Really? She's not even in this class. "I'll tell you later. Let's just make some watermelons go boom, okay?"


---Winter's Residence : Tuesday Afternoon---

I take a slow step back from the railing and walk back into my room.

Wow. Red and X-man? What the shit?

Taking out my phone and flopping down onto the bed I call Dawn. She'd want to hear about this, and it'll give me an excuse to check up on B.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Momma S."

"Oh. Hello, Faith. How are you doing?

"I'm good. Is The Dawnsteh around?"

"She should be. Hold on a moment." I can hear her calling Dawn's name in the background for a moment before Dawn picks up.

"Hi, Faith!"

"Hey, Dawnsteh."

We both pause and wait for the click of Mrs. S. hanging up before going any further.

...

"I got some bad news. 'Membah how I said your crush was actin like a toolshed at school?"

"...Yes." Comes the grumbled response over the phone.

"Oz just showed up at the house. I guess he walked in on Red and X-man having some kind of screaming match and one of them let slip that they've been messing around on the side."

"WHAT!? Oh my gawd. No! I don't- Xander wouldn't. Are you serious right now?"

I blink a few times. "Yeah. Sorry, I know you like him and all, but-"

"Have you told Harmony?" Oh shit. Yeah, she's gonna flip when she finds out she was right. I put Dawn on speakerphone and start typing a text to Harms. "...Oh gawd, does Cordelia know..?"

Pausing my typing, I sigh. Dawnsteh sounds all hopeful and shit. "Dawn-"

"Don't. I know. You can save the boys suck speech."

"It's not a fuckin speech." I laugh. "But okay. Besides, usually the problem is that they want us to-"

"EWWW! FAITH! OMYGAWD NO! LALALALALALA I'm not listening!"

While Dawn has her little freakazoid moment, I tap send.

TO HARM: 'Guess who's at the house'

"Are you done being gross?"

"It's not gross if you do it right."

FROM HARM: 'Leonardo Dicaprio'

... Why would Leo-

"Faith! Eww! I think I almost like it better when you're staring at my sister."

Aha! "How is B? We kinda had a fight yesterday and I haven't heard from her since."

"Oh Gawd. Buffy is being such a- Eurgh!" I finish my next text to Harms while Dawn takes a moment to calm down.

TO HARM: 'No Oz he broke up with w cause she cheated with x'

FROM HARM: 'Amy wants to know if you did your hw'

Seriously!? That's- Ames is such a dork.

FROM HARM: 'what'

FROM HARM: 'omg'

FROM HARM: 'cordy know'

FROM HARM: 'Im call c'

"Way seriously! She had a hissy fit cause I borrowed this shirt of hers. Apparently the little bit of milk I spilled on it was some kind of tragedy. Nevermind how often she's come home covered in blood, or that I helped her keep mom from noticing."

"Pfft. You think blood's bad? You shoulda seen this demon snot monstah thing I ran into in Iowa, right? Got this green goopy shit on everythin. I had to kill that outfit with fuckin fire. My favorite pair'ah pants too. I loved those pants, made my ass look-"

"FAITH!"


---Sunnydale High Cafeteria : Thursday Lunchtime---

"Math test today?"

"Tomorrow." Ames looks up from her text book. "And you have one in your Reading class next period don't you?"

"Yes, Mother." I grin at Ames's glare. "I read the book while watching Oz for Jack last night."

"Okay, just making sure."

"Yeah yeah, I know, you think I'm gunna go to college and- Hey, there's Oz." Oz walks into the cafeteria, and gets halfway to his usual table before he stops.

"Of course you're going to college. Why wouldn't you? And don't give me any more of that dying young bullshit."

"Yo! Oz! Ovah here!" I call out to him. He nods and starts heading this way. "It's not that. I just... don't like school. Why would I want more of it?"

"But college sounds like so much fun!" Harms says from behind me before sitting down on my right. "There's parties and sororities and you can live in- Hey... that's kind of what you guys do now isn't it?"

"Yeah! See... I already get the best parts of college. Why would I wanna deal with the fuss of classes?"

"You could major in music." Oz sits down next to Ames.

"Guys! Seriously. I don't wanna go to college."

"Then don't go." Jack adds as he sits on my left.

"She can't just not go to college! And how can you of all people say that, Mr. School-Is-Important?" Ames sounds so betrayed... I'm just gonna stay out of it. If Jack's willing to take Ames on over me not doing more school that's fine by me.

Jack shrugs. "Faith not graduating high school looks bad and gives the idiots in England leverage to undo her emancipation. Faith not going to college is her own decision. Plenty of people do alright for themselves without a college degree, and it's not like she needs a degree to work with us, unless... Okay, I suppose getting a black belt or sniper certified would be like going to college for Faith. We could always look into that."

That I can agree to. "That don't sound too bad. Kinda fun actually."

"Huh..." Jack looks over at Oz as though surprised to see him at our table.

"Oh. Hey, Oz. I talked to Mrs. Mendoza in the biology department, she was fine with me borrowing one of their microscopes. If you're still good for it we can go ahead with taking a look at some blood samples during a full moon."


---Sunnydale Roadways : Thursday Afternoon---

"I liked how things were before, you know?" Before B chose Angel instead of me.

Jack doesn't answer. After a few seconds of silence he groans and rubs his face as he stares at the intersection we stopped at silently.

The light turns green. Jack doesn't go. Something's wrong.

He turns to me and sighs, staring at me for another moment. Did I do something bad? "You do realize that Buffy probably doesn't swing that way right?"

...

"What the shit?"

"When you two get done sparring, she doesn't smell aroused. Well, not like you do anyway."

...

That's... kinda... Whatever, It's just skin. "Really? Damn."

"Yeah, don't get me wrong. She definitely enjoys rolling around on the mat with you, but I think she feels the same way about any good slaying."

"Well that sucks."

"Sure. Granted, If any girl has a shot at getting into Buffy's pants it's you." And now he sounds annoyed. I thought Ames was being ridiculous when she said Jack had a thing for me... but after listening to Spike mope for hours about his break up with their mother... "Or maybe Willow."

Oh. That makes more sense, of course he sounds annoyed when thinking about her. Jack and Red annoy each other by existing. "Red? Really? You think the girl that was fooling around with two boys at once is gay?"

"No, I know she's bi, but that's hardly important. I guess I'm trying to say I'd have your back... even if you tried to date Buffy." Jack scratches the back of his head. Ames says that means the next thing he says will probably be 'extra ridiculous' and only true if you squint at it really hard. "I just don't see... I mean, why Buffy of all people?"

Only true if you... oh. I snort. Jack likes B too? This could be fun.

"I dunno Jack, you tellin me you don't think she's hot? You don't just wanna bend her-"

Jack shudders theatrically and then starts laughing. "The joys of hate-fucking aside, it's more... plenty of the chicks in the psych ward are hot, but that doesn't mean I'd date them."

"B ain't crazy. She's just got this... I don't know."

"Yeah. She's a Slayer, you're a Slayer, I get it." And now he sounds annoyed again.

"... Would you be upset if I got with B?"

"Nah. I would however reserve the right to grouse with Joyce about the 'kiddos' getting together." He sticks his tongue out at me as he air quotes kiddos with one hand. "But I'd support you. Just... I'd stockpile chocolate for when things blew up in your faces. Buffy's track record with relationships is... colorful?"

...

"You think Mrs. S would be upset?"

"No idea. Maybe at first? I think she still wants grandkids. But I imagine she'd come around. It's part of that whole unconditionally stuff that comes with being family."

Jack pokes my shoulder just in case I missed what he meant about the two of us. A family that wants me. I... don't know how to do this part. Sex is just skin, but... feelings? "Aww..." I don't... what do I..? "Thanks, Mistah J."

I think he knows what I meant. Jack laughs happily like he always does whenever I go along with that batman nonsense he and Ames... love... to-

...

"Hold up! You can smell when a girl likes someone?"

"No."

"You just said-"

"I can smell when a girl is turned on. The rest is guesswork. But...If it happens whenever they look at or are with a certain someone it's not a very hard guess to make."

"So... You know Ames likes ya that way then?"

"Yeah."

I punch my idiot brother in the shoulder as hard as I can. "Then. Why. The. Fuck! Haven't you done anythin about it!?"

Said idiot brother inhales sharply as my fist breaks bone. We glare at each other while the little popping and grinding noises of his shoulder putting itself back together fill the silence.

As the last bone fragment clicks back into place, Jack sighs and his expression turns thoughtful.. "Honestly? I think it might be because I compare myself to our older brother too much."

...

"Huh? You mean that doofus that crashed on the couch?"

"Err... Doofus? I don't-" He shakes his head. "Not important. Amy and I- Okay. Look, you know she feels the same way about fire as she does me, right?"

I can feel my eyes practically roll themselves at that idea. "That's retahded. Ames does not wanna have sex with fire. She wants to boink you, dumbass."

"No, I mean...sure, but watching things burn puts her in the mood." Jack taps his nose. "To about the same degree."

"So she's a bit of a py-" Jack raises an eyebrow. "Fine... She's a total pyromaniac. So what?"

"I don't want to be lit on fire!"

"Why the fuck would she light ya on fire?"

"William and Mother have been together for over a century." He holds up his hand to stop me before I can tell him that ain't got nothing to do with this. "He's loved Mother, in spite of her... quirks... for over a century. Been devoted to her. And yet they still have their spats, they fight, they break up, they get back together."

"Again. So what? What've they gotta do with you and Ames?"

"Their fights were usually over one or both of them cheating on the other. William was born from a poet obsessed with love." He snorts derisively. "If he can't manage the straight and narrow for Mother, what hope do I have?"

"So what!? Christ, It's just skin. You and Ames are fuckin drivin me nuts."

"Know thyself, Faith. Know thyself. Can you really see Amy taking it well if she came home and found me with some other girl?"

"Not that Sun Tzu stuff again. God, It's just sex- err..." Ames said she wanted the whole 'dating' crap or whatever didn't she? "Okay, I guess Ames doesn't see it that way does she?"

"Exactly! You and I? We could probably manage just fine getting each other off and not being upset if I walked in on you and Buffy going at it. But I think Amy might be a bit possessive for that."

...

"Right... Ames is totally the possessive one. Also, dude! I'm your sister!"

"...so what?"

"So what!? Fuckin vamp logic." I start banging my head against the truck window in frustration.

...

The sound of shattering glass fills the truck as my window breaks. Shit, not again. I turn back to Jack and shrug apologetically. "...Oops?"

Jack just laughs at me before smiling and mussing up my hair. "Don't worry about it. I'll get it replaced."

I like that this time I'm more important than some stupid car. Mom's loser boyfriends have never felt that way.


---Winters Residence – Atrium : Thursday Late Afternoon---

Racing down the stairs with Ames I turn towards the basement to head for the gun safe. Shit. So much for them waiting til the dead of night.

"What the actual fuck..." Jack mumbles, sounding confused. He stops closing the door and continues looking at whatever's out there. His hand is on the pistol he keeps holstered in his back but he's signaling stand down.

"What is- who's that? He looks familiar..." Ames stares out the door thoughtfully while Jack's head whips around to stare at her. "Wasn't he singing at Caritas last week?"

"Oh... Yeah... I think so." Jack starts to relax. His hand stays near his pistol as he looks back outside though. Something is clearly bothering him. "Hello! Can I help you?"

I hear a dudes voice answer as I start walking back towards the door. Oz looks as confused as I feel. "I hope so. My name is Lindsey McDonald, I'm an associate with Wolfram and Hart. I'm looking for a Jack Winters."

Jack waves the rest of us back. "... May I ask what about?"

The voice apparently belongs to some guy in a suit who stops just outside the doorway and smiles at Jack. "I have some news about his father."

...

What the shit? Oh. He must mean Jack's dad's dad? Maybe? Fuck, vampire family trees are confusing.

Oz tugs on my sleeve and gives me a look. Sniffing the air, he glances back at suit dude. "I think that guy is one of the ones that broke in and bugged the place last month."

 

[Aetheron]

***POV Willow***

---

---Sunnydale High - Library – After Last Period Monday---

I race into the library. "Giles! This is horrible!"

...

I find him at his desk already polishing his glasses. "Yes. Quite. What is horrible, exactly?"

"Faith and Jerk have a rail cannon!"

"A what?"

"Oh! They're these things that use electromagnetism to launch..." Giles blinks at me uncomprehendingly. I glance at the horribly outdated 'dread machine' that he thinks is a new age fad. "It's... a big gun. No. I think you'd call it a small Artillery."

"Oh, good lord! And they brought it to school!?"

"Actually... They built it as a project in shop. Apparently Mr. Verstra helped."

"Bloody colonials. Have you people no sense?"

"Hey! I told you it was horrible. Don't lump me in with Jerk."

"Yes. I can see now how such distinctions remain important as the world dissolves into madness around us."

...

"Is there something wrong? I mean-"

"Besides Angelus' Return and Jack's newfound status as a some manner day-walking vampire?"

"Angel isn't-" I huff. "...Yes?"

"I'm not certain." Giles sighs and resumes polishing his glasses. "In the midst of angrily telling me to- well, to go away, Faith indicated that Amy Madison has become exceptionally proficient with Pyromancy."

"And that's of the bad?"

"Perhaps. Conjuration is one of the more difficult, and dangerous branches of magic. Dealing with the primal forces of the universe, and at such a young age, is incomparably dangerous." Giles stares at me for a moment.

"Hey! What's with the funny look, Buster?"

"Quite frankly, the only thing I can think of being more dangerous would be reaching beyond the boundaries of death. While you were concussed no less?"

...oh. "So, would this be a bad time to admit I've been having a hard time modifying the soul curse to work on Jerk?"

Giles reaches to remove his glasses before realizing they're still in his other hand.


---Sunnydale High - Library – After Last Period Tuesday---

I head toward the Library to meet Oz with his change of clothes for after the full moon. Walking in, I can hear Xander and Giles talking before I spot them at our usual research table.

"...and walking around again. Apparently Jack-" Xander stops talking as he looks up and glares at me. I guess he's still made about Angel.

"What did Jerk do now?" Giles starts and turns around. My best friend is being a poopyhead, but at least Giles looks happy to see me.

Xander answers before Giles can speak. "Fixed Deadboy up before I could make the-"

"Xander! I told you! He's not-"

"He's a vampire! He's Ev-"

"AHEM!" Jerk's voice comes from directly behind me. Heart lurching, I leap away and spin around to find Jerk smiling at me. "Thanks, Babs! You were kind of blocking the doorway." I scoot back and away as he walks right past me, no longer even acknowledging I exist.

"What do you want?" Xander snarls.

"Well... I was rather hoping we might have a nice civil chat, but I can see that I was being too optimistic." Jerk starts pacing around the room.

"What, in particular were you looking to discuss?" Giles reaches for his glasses, but then stops and puts his hand back down, keeping his eyes focused on Jerk.

"You giving me a heads up when the council hit squads start rolling into town." Hit squads?

"What could possibly make you think I'd help you?" What hit squads?

"Me? Nothing. You've dedicated your entire life to the genocide of my people." Jerk looks over and smiles at me. What..? I blink. Excuse you! That is NOT the same thing.

"Just what, then, are you trying to accomplish?"

"Well, I'd really rather avoid the hassle of a Knightfall situation." Huh? Night fall? Like after dusk?

"...What?"

"Ah..." Jerk walks up to the table. "Let me tell you a little story. It's the tragic tale of just what happens the day Batman dies."

Xander coughs, eyebrows shooting up.

Jerk twitches, lifting one leg. A battleaxe lifts up off the floor on his foot. We all step back as he catches it. Where did that even come from?

...

Looking under the table, Xander's dufflebag is on the floor. Xander..? Why did you have a battleaxe in your dufflebag?

"So..." Jerk begins, twirling the axe absently. "Alfred's sitting at home in the manor one night when the doorbell rings. He finds a panicked looking Harley Quinn on the doorstep holding Batso's corpse." Jerk pauses, slapping the axe handle into his free hand. Head tilted to the side he smiles at us like a deranged lunatic. "They found him this way. She swears they did. Harley brought him home hopin he could be fixed, even though she knows he can't. Knows he's gone."

"Are you threatening me?" Xander asks.

Jerk shakes his head sadly, before using the axe to point at Xander. "You see, her Puddin's always known Mistah Wayne was the Bat she says, but his fight was never with Brucey. It was with what he represented. A battle of ideologies if you will. The Bat stands for something. A symbol. He doesn't kill." Jerk shrugs. "So the Joker set out to make him break his own rule."

"What does that-" Yeah... I don't get what Jerk's trying to say either Giles.

"But! Mistah J went crazy she tells him. They took away his reason for being, so he had to find a new one. And oh, did he ever. Behind him Alfred can hear the breaking news reports start to talk about Harvey dent being found cut in half. Mistah J never was a very good detective you see, so he's decided to just kill all the suspects." Jerk holds the battle axes lengthwise between his hands. "If the Joker was willing to do that over losing his favorite opponent..."

Jerk flashes purple as he folds the steel battle axe between his hands.

"Imagine what I'll do if anyone tries to take a shot at Harley." Jerk glares at Giles.

"Wha?" Xander asks confusedly. He looks horrified. Who's- oh. Oh no.

"The council doesn't-" Giles starts to deny something but Jerk cuts him off.

"Or Buffy? Can't picture Travers taking the news that she's boinked the undead very well either. Tell me, Giles, what exactly are you planning to say when the girl that looks to you as a father finds out she's just a disposable asset? Will you tell her that your precious council doesn't condone her life choices before shooting her? Or will you polish your glasses so you don't have to watch while someone else does it for you?"

Tossing the bent battle axe on the table Jerk walks out of the library.


---Sunnydale Library – Moments Later---

"Xander! What we did has NOTHING to do with this. How can you even- Eurgh! Xander! No!"

"...Huh."

I turn around to see Oz walking out of the library. Oh no. How much did he hear? "Oz! Wait! Come back!"

I race out of the library but Oz is already down the hall turning the corner.

I hear Cordelia's voice before I round the corner, "Daddy? What do you mean, an aud-" But I'm moving too fast to stop and crash into her anyway. We go down in a tangle of limbs and Oz's extra clothes. "-Spaz much!?"

I scramble to my feet and look around. "Cordelia!? Have you seen Oz?"

"No."

"But he went right passed you!"

"So? I was a little busy talk- Daddy!?" Cordelia grabs her cell phone. "Hello? Sorry, Daddy..."

I don't have time for this. Oz must have left the school, I head out the main doors.

...

I'm just in time to see Oz's Van drive away.

I need to find him. Explain what happened. Explain- Oh no! It's the full moon tonight!


---Sunnydale High Hallways : Wednesday Before 1st Period---

As I close my locker I hear Buffy's voice behind me. "Wills?"

I spin around and pull her into a hug. "Buffy!"

"... Is something wrong?"

"I think Oz and I broke up."

"You... think... you broke up? What happened?"

"Xander and I had a fight."

"Oz broke up with you because you had a fight with Xander?"

"No- yes... No. Sort of. Xander and I... We kind of started..." Deep breath. I have to tell her. "We kissed. And then we kept kissing... And then I felt guilty, and we didn't tell Xander about Angel and I already felt guilty about that. So there was more guiltage. And then there was more illicit smooches to try and feel less guilty for lying to Xander but I just felt more guilty because of Oz. I just didn't know what to do."

...

"You could bake them a 'sorry I kissed you both' cake?"

"...Buffy..."

"Sorry. I tried."

"I know... I tried calling you last night but I kept getting a busy signal."

"Oh my god... Dawn was on the phone all night complaining to Faith about me freaking out on her over my favorite- Oh! Hey, I was going to go see Mr. Platt. You should come with me."

"You're still seeing him?"

"Not as often, but... I had this fight with Faith... And she said that a lot of Slayers are killed by their Watchers-"

"Jack tried to tell us that too-"

"Wills... Angel confirmed it. Jack wasn't lying."

Wasn't lying? But... "No. You can't- Giles wouldn't-"

"No. Not Giles... but it could be all 'pip pip cheerio! Off with her head!' in England like- like with Mrs. Post."

"They cut off her head!?"

"No- I mean, she was a watcher and she went all dark arts and... I don't know."

"So that's why you're going to see Mr. Platt? You think I should talk to him about Oz?"

"Yeah. He's good at listening, you know?"

"So I'm supposed to tell him that I made my werewolf boyfriend so angry that he ran away on a full moon? What if he ate someone? That- it'd be all my fault."

"He didn't eat anyone Wills."

"How do you know?"

"Dawn told me-"

"Dawn told you!?"

"Yeah she said Oz crashed in Jack's-"

"He's at Jerk's!?"

"Yeah, I know, I had Dawn ask Faith to look after him. He's fine. I saw him pull into the parking lot behind me."


---Sunnydale High - Cafeteria : Wednesday Lunchtime---

Running a bit late, but less than the others apparently, I slip into my usual seat across from Buffy. "Hey."

"How're you doing?"

"Better I- ...I see Xander and Cordelia." They're not running late, they're sitting at a different table.

"Yeah... they're sitting over there today."

"With Harmony?"

"I guess they're trying to convince her to stop... You know." Buffy taps two fingers against her neck. They do look like they're all arguing about something. Cordelia catches me looking at them and glares at me.

"Thanks for trying, but from the look Cordelia just gave me, I'm pretty sure they're just avoiding me."

"Sorry. If it helps, Xander's avoiding me too."

"It doesn't. But hey, at least maybe I'll have a chance to talk to Oz at lunch tomorrow?"

"That's the spirit!" Buffy smiles at me.

The downsides of being best friends with someone. You can tell when their cheerful is all full of forced.


---Sunnydale High - Parking Lot : Friday Before School---

"I still can't believe her. I was looking for her at the middle school for an hour! I called Mom thinking I'd lost her and she answers the phone all cheerfully like 'oh hey, Buffy.'"

"How did she get home?"

"She went out for ice-"

"Babs! Kara! Lovely morning, isn't it?"

...Really? My shoulders sag even as I turn around. Yup. Jerk is walking towards us with Faith and Amy trailing along behind.

"You!" Buffy yells, pointing at Jerk.

"Jerk... we don't feel like dealing with you right now. Can you just... go away?"

...

Jerk disappears in a burst of flame. Wha? Did I just?

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?"

"Faith! Calm down. She didn't-"

A hand grabs my shoulder and spins me around. Faith's fist-

 

[Aetheron]

---Winters Residence – Atrium : Thursday Evening---

"I hope so. My name is Lindsey McDonald, I'm an associate with Wolfram and Hart. I'm looking for a Jack Winters." Lindsey smiles at me. I'm fairly certain he knows exactly who I am... Or at least he thinks he does.

Waving my people back, I begin the obnoxious dance that is polite social interaction. "... May I ask what about?"

"I have some news about his father."

...

The fuck?

Mild panic at the idea of being reduced to something akin to Grandfather flickers through me for a short moment before I catch Oz's whispered conversation with Faith. "I think that guy is one of the ones that broke in and bugged the place last month."

The urge to rip this trespasser apart surges through me, burning through my panic and testing my poker face to its utter limits.

Fortunately for Lindsey, magically enhanced memories of him being amusing on father's TV team up with rational self interest to carry the day. I suppose boxing up his heart and mailing it back to WR&H will have to wait. Pity, maybe they'd have sent Lilah next. Oh the fun we could have had.

But alas, I plaster my best foolish mortal smile onto my face and take a step back from the door. "Are you able to come in?"

Lindsey's surprised blink induces one of my own. I know he knows about vampires. Does he not know I am one? Maybe this isn't about father after all? Could he mean father's father?

Well at least Ramon isn't spying for Wolfram & Hart on top of Lanier. The whole vanilla mortal song and dance routine I've been doing for months might still be worth something if every Caritas patron isn't privy to the truth.

...

As Lindsey walks in, I take note of the lack of security types. Hmmm... I wonder if that's Wolfram & Hart being confident in their reputation amongst the locals here or the fact that Lindsey said he was an Associate rather than Junior Partner? Does he not yet merit protection? Then again, it would hardly be the first time I've seen Lindsey here wander off on his own.

...

Speaking of The Wolf, The Ram, and The Hart... "Oz, I think that stuff you wanted is down in the basement. Faith, could you show him? I'm pretty sure I left it in one of the storage cages after Amy's birthday celebrations." Still smiling, I hand over my keys to Faith, gun safe key first, before turning back to Lindsey. "And... I believe you said you had news about my father?"

"Yes. One of my firm's clients, a Mr. Russell Winters, believes you may be his missing son."

...

Err... what? Ignoring for now that it's not true, that's not even physiologically possible.

"I see..." Lacking any idea how to properly respond to such an absurd statement, I stall. "Would you like some coffee? I suddenly suspect we may be here a while."

"No, but thank you for offering." The slight wariness to his tone and scent makes me blink for a moment. Oh... yes, I suppose I could see how he might be concerned about being dosed with something. I wonder if there are drugs that affect humans but not vampires.

Tilting my head to the side and making the face I usually reserve for Fire, Yankees Fans, or Buffy, I attempt to cover for my confusion. "You're not a... tea drinker are you?"

"No... Thankfully not." Lindsey sounds as though we may have lost the plot as he sets his briefcase down on the kitchen table. Perhaps I was meant to leap at the idea of my father having... erm... huh. I suppose I do have a bit of an obvious obsession with family. Perhaps that's the con? Present me with a rich relative that I would of course want to get to know and then... what? I don't really see an endgame here.

I shrug. "So, Russell Winters thinks he may be my hitherto absentee father?" I pause and scratch the back of my head. "Erm... that name sounds familiar. He's a..." My confusion is suddenly distressingly genuine. The shows never actually explained what Russell Winters Enterprises actually did. Though Cordelia seemed to think he could help her with her acting career. "...uh, an entertainment mogul over in L.A. or something?"

"Investment mogul technically." Lindsey smiles. "Though his portfolio does skew towards the entertainment and media sectors."

Okay... that doesn't really tell me much of anything as far as I can tell right now. I suppose trying to play defensively against a future vice president of Wolfram & Hart's Special Project's division may not have been my best idea. I shrug "Right... so what's he need?"

"Need?"

"Well, first I couldn't help but notice that you show up claiming that this man is my father just after I turn 18." I gesture at the house around us. "After I finally get my life in order, and settle down. So at first I thought you wanted money. But you say he has plenty of that." I shrug broadly and open with something I know is wrong to establish a baseline reaction. "So what is it? Kidney? Liver? What organ failed badly enough that he got up off his absentee ass and finally tracked me down? Or should I say sent his lackey to do it for him. "

...

That came out a lot more genuine than intended. I may have over channeled my annoyance at William the Bloody Monopolizer of Mothers into that. I guess I can add 'has abandonment issues' to my own chart. May as well put it to use.

Lindsey's expression tells me I've likely wandered off the script they expected me to follow. Interesting in and of itself. Implies that they thought they had me figured out. Oz thinks they bugged my house. Lindsey's presence explains why Amy's wards were so thoroughly circumvented. Did they devise a surveillance bug that doesn't trigger my tattoos?

But that also says they've been looking into me for at least a month. I suppose they could have had me, or the girls tailed. My obsession, if I'm being honest with myself, with family bonds is rather hard to miss.

Lindsey's expression turns mea culpa. "To be honest, you're half right."

"I don't see how half a kidney would help him."

"No, but you getting your life in order so to speak is how we found you." He shrugs. "He's had my firm looking for your mother for some time now, but it wasn't until your name came up during an investment analysis that we were made aware he might have a son."

What a horrifyingly mundane thought, betrayed by my own paperwork. Err- wait. The only investment analysis where I would have come up would've been Google.

I wonder what the seers that Wolfram & Hart uses to evaluate companies would make of one where I attend the occasional stakeholder meeting? I suspect getting an 'Error 404: Future not Found' might have upset them a fair bit.

I sigh. Damage control it is. "So you... what? Saw we had the same last name and looked into my history? I really don't see how you went from a shared last name to thinking I was the long lost son of some guy in L.A." A guy who just happens to be an old vampire that can't have that kind of kid no less...


---Winters Residence – Atrium : Thursday Evening---

Closing the door behind Lindsey I lean against it as nervous laughter wracks my body.

I do believe owe whoever drew up and backdated the paperwork detailing my father's fictitious life a sacrifice of livestock. Or possibly a stabbing.

Given that said paperwork listed my mother as Emilia Edith... it was probably Eris. Miss Edith told Mother where to find father indeed. Well... since trying to stab an actual goddess is more Buffy's line of work, not to mention the thing that got even her killed, I suppose that settles that. Yes, I do believe I'll have to hunt Eris up a co-ed or something.

I suppose step one though, would be to compare the paperwork he left behind to the paperwork I had printed out back when I first hunted down the lawyers responsible for my emancipation. Assuming they match... Then I guess-

Errr... And also assuming that it wasn't actually Wolfram & Hart that backdated that same paperwork for Eris in the first place.

...

Or that their backdating process doesn't involve a temporal fold to retroactively alter any paperwork in my safe.

...

Fuck.

I hate magic.

Even if it does seem to have cast me as the impossible offspring of an ancient Vampire and a figment of Mother's imagination.

...

Yeah. There's no way this isn't a con or a trap.

Still... being polite costs me nothing, so I may as well find Eris her due either way.


---Sunnydale High Parking Lot : Friday Morning---

"I don't know, I think B might come around."

"You think... that Stabberific Barbie is going to be the one to call a truce? Really?"

"She ain't- Dawnsteh said she didn't even get mad about you takin us out for ice cream. Well, she got mad, but at Dawn for not tellin her where she went, you know?"

"Huh. I expected better fireworks." Faith and Amy roll their eyes at me in unison. They have to be practicing that. "Oh, hey... speak of the devil, I guess we'll find out? Babs! Kara! Lovely morning isn't it?"

Buffy whips around and points at me. "You!"

See Faith? Fireworks!

Willow, shoulders slumped, adds her own dejected sounding comment. "Jerk... we don't feel like dealing with you right now." I grin, but then my tattoos start to tingle... "Can you just..." The world feels like it's lurching in every direction all at once. My tattoos start to flare incandescent. "...go away?"

My vision blurs as everything dissolves into fire and pain. This is worse than even that time with the stupid fucking monks. The fuck did Willow just try to hit me with?

I'm suddenly alone in the parking lot. The smell of my own burnt flesh fills my nostrils even as my ring kicks into high gear trying to regrow my skin as the heat from my tattoos burns it off.

I bolt for the school swimming pool at a dead sprint. I can feel the ring slowly losing ground against my own high flammability. Gods Fucking Damn It.

Pushing through the doors I dive straight into the deep end of the pool, exhaling as I go. With no air in my lungs, the weight of my gear sinks me straight to the bottom, where the water immediately starts sucking the heat right out of my tattoos.

As my ring knits me back together, my unthinking attempt at sighing in relief fills my lungs with water. Well, that's an all new kind of awkward and uncomfortable feeling.

I trudge my way along the bottom of the pool towards the wall and half climb half swim my way to the surface.

I find a hand held out when I break the surface.

...Okay. Sure.

I grab it and it helps pull me up out of the pool.

"Thanks." I tell the kid the helping hand is attached to. Tim? Tom? Ted I think? Something like that. The one with that weirdly shaped burn scars who glares at Amy occasionally but that I'm not allowed to eat because she feels guilty about being part of why he has said scars.

...Or I try to tell him. Mostly I just gurgle and spit up pool water.

"You okay, man?"

One last deep breath to cycle air in and water out and I manage a choked out, "Yeah. I'm fine." Giving myself a once over, my clothes are a lost cause; Half scorched and all soggy. "Might trouble you for a towel though."

"Dude. You were on fire." Xander reminds me.

"Yes, Bats, I did notice that."

...

I look back up. Xander is now standing next to Tony looking at me with a confused expression. "Bats?" He glances around. "I don't see any bats."

...

Xander is in swim team gear. He looks wary, but not overtly hostile like he did yesterday. No recognition in his eyes at all.

I'd say I got flung back in time by one of Willow's specialty order magical whoopsidents except... Burn scar kid is also sporting a different set of random burn scars.

...

Things are suddenly different just after Spike's visit? Damn it... I knew I should have at least tried shooting Anya.

The fuck did Cordelia even wish for this time? It clearly reached back to early childhood if it altered whatever camping accident Amy refuses to elaborate on.

...early childhood? Did Wolfram & Hart just try and force my history to match their con? That manages to be even more alarming than Anya being meddlesome for no reason.

And my stomach gurgles just in case I missed the fact that I'm getting kind of hungry. Gods Damn It. This is going to be a long ass... day..?

"Uh... Xander? Is it still November 23rd 1998?"

Xander nods and looks at me even more confusedly. He and Theo glance at each other again briefly, as if to confirm they're both seeing the same crazy man before them.

"Right then..." I laugh. "May I just say what a lovely goatee that is you have there, Mr. Spock?"

 

[Aetheron]

---Sunnydale High – Pool : T = +10 minutes

Xander and Timothy do a fish impression for a moment. Under less obnoxious circumstances I'd probably find watching Xander's face as his mind reboots hilarious.

"...hey! Why am I evil Spock? You're the one-"

"No!"

"No?"

"You're not Spock." I point at Theodore. "He is." Turning back to Xander, I smile. "You're obviously Kirk."

"Does that make you McCoy?"

I blink. "Don't be ridiculous. I just survived being lit on fire while transitioning timelines and then inhaling Sunnydale High's pool water, I'm clearly Khan." I pat Xander on the shoulder, and hand him back his towel, as I step around him and make my way back out towards the parking lot. He obvious needs more time to process recent events and I don't feel like waiting, or even really care about fake Batso's conclusions.

Digging out my wallet I sigh. Maybe I should have insisted on Amy fireproofing everything rather than just the essentials. Oh hindsight, and I guess Amy's point about time constraints still stands. Having the contents of my wallet is nice though, even if it's all a bit soggy.

I should also try to remember to thank my Amy specifically for fireproofing my ring's cover. I still can't believe I didn't even notice it had burnt away in the monastery until she whacked me upside the head on the fight home.

I snort, "Oh right, I accidentally set myself on fire earlier today. Oops?" was apparently not the answer she was looking for when she asked me what happened.

...

Pushing open the door, and looking out at the still mostly empty parking lot it occurs to me that Amy is most likely already here at school somewhere or will be soon. But... she wouldn't be my Amy, would she? Or my Faith. Hell, even if I spent another month working on her, I'm not even really sure how I made my version of Harmony the first time.

Nope. I don't think I like this time/dimension travel nonsense any more than I do magic.

I should probably sort out my clothing situation so I don't draw the interest and ire of every local I meet. Then, hopefully, I just need to hunt down Cordelia and bludgeon some sense into her so I can go home. I think I'm just going to steadfastly ignore any other possibility for as long as possible.

"...Hey! Where are you going?"

"Clothing store." I wave briefly to the swim team before stepping out the door and making my way to-

Oh. Right. Sheila isn't my truck in this world either.


---Sunnydale – Downtown : T = +1 hour

I flee the mall in my new outfit. Gods Damn It, kiosk people. No, I do not want to try your fucking soaps! Harmony always managed to make them go away.

Safely outside, I chuckle. Speaking of Harmony... she would be so proud of me, I managed to find 'acceptable' clothing all on my own. Granted walking in and demanding that the first sales girl I met find me new ones while pointing to my current clothing may have been cheating.

Ah well. It's not like I left the clerk in any condition to tattle on me to the universe's nonexistent referee. Or even to Harmony for that matter, not that the Harmony of this world would know who I am to care about how I dress.

Right. Homewards I go. Winding Cordelia's hair around my pendant I set out back towards-

...

Err- The fuck? That is not the direction of the high school.

I've got a bad feeling about this.


---Sunnydale - Warehouse District : T = +2 hours---

My pendant tells me Cordelia is in an abandoned warehouse.

My inexplicable sense of family awareness tells me there's a pair of female... cousins... maybe? inside with her.

Ungh.

Now I need to save my ride home before she gets herself eaten. Joygasm. Well, I guess she's not technically my ride home so much as an easy way to confirm if this is Anyanka's doing. I'd rather not get a millennia old reality warping demon who is mostly famous for hating my gender involved in this if she isn't already.

I walk in the door to the warehouse.

...

What the shit is this?

The inside of the warehouse is done up to look like a high school classroom. With a few rows of student desks, a blackboard, and... everything really.

Well, I suppose I can discount any notion of Willow being the one that did this. Behind the teacher's desk is Vamp Willow, complete with hookerwear outfit, and a slow languid smile.

The pervasive scent of female arousal. Willow's eyes rolling back in her head as her back arches and the muscles in her arms tense. Arms which are reaching below the desk where my family-radar is telling me the other cousin is. It all paints a fascinating picture of what's going on here. Especially with the pendant pointing right at the two of them.

Unfortunately it also makes me strongly suspect my unlife just got significantly more complicated. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Willow is her expected vampiric wishverse self. But... instead of being her other half, Xander is back at school attending a practice for a swim team that doesn't seem to have turned into a bunch fish demons. His role appears to have been replaced by Cordelia? I am apparently in a wishverse..? Maybe..? Just... not in that one.

Either way, this is not my world, or at least not my timeline. That amounts to the same thing right? Not knowing how temporal folds work... or, honestly, if that's even what this was... I don't know which is true. Does it matter? If you rewind time to before someone is born, and then that someone is conceived and born anew in the second timeline... are they the same person?

I'm still standing there trying to figure out what the hell happened when Willow's eyes start to come back into focus. "Hey... You're back early."

...

What the actual fuck? Is father or another me running around somewhere in this bizarro world?

Willow turns to me and her expression goes slack for a quick instant. "Oh. You're not-" Oh thank the gods, she wasn't actually expecting me. "...Hi there." And Willow has gone from confused to sultry in .5 seconds, that's new. She stands up, dragging Cordelia up from under the desk roughly by the hair. Yup, she's the other cousin. There goes what little remaining hope I had that this would be as easily solved as it was in canon.

...

Apparently Vamp Willow doesn't take very good care of her toys. Cordelia's back is littered with scratch marks, some of them fresh, some obviously not. That she gives no reaction to Willow's treatment of her beyond faint whimpering is... interesting? Somebody's been well and truly broken in. Judging by the smell, she's even learned to enjoy being broken.

I'm still admiring her work when Vamp Willow licks her lips and leans towards me. "Care to join us? I'll let you play with my puppy..." She trails off as her hand trails down Cordelia's side, disappearing behind the desk with a solid smacking noise.

Did Willow just- Oh, what the hell... What's alternate timeline pseudo-family for if not to make you feel better after a confusing and painful morning?

Kicking the door closed and stepping forward as I start unbuttoning my shirt, I grin back halfheartedly. "Always looking for that onemoresome- ...Red?" Only remembering at the last moment that I probably shouldn't know her name already.

"Of course I am..." She breathes out seductively, licking her lips before her eyes suddenly widen as I get closer. "You're a vampire!?"

...

"Seriously?" I ask as Willow starts looking from me to the door and back. She didn't know? "You mean... you did that whole fucking routine just to get food delivered to you from 20 feet away?" Fucking. Moronic. Fledges.

"But you were outside in the Sun!"

Well, why fix what isn't broken? I make a show of glancing back at the door. "Yeah... so what? I've never had any trouble with the Sun in this world."


---Sunnydale - Warehouse District : T = +5 hours---

For the third time in as many hours my apparently Great Grand Aunt Willow tries to drag more information out of me while I return the favor.

So far... I think I'm winning, but do suppose I have an unfair advantage given that I'm both better practiced at twisting Willow's trains of thoughts sideways and abusing the truth with enthusiasm. Not to say that Willow and Cordelia haven't proven remarkably skilled at distracting my own trains of thought right back.

"Mmmm... I think I like you." Willow whispers breathily into my ear as she spoons against my side. I roll my eyes as she drags a finger nail down my chest. At least she's gotten over throwing a tantrum whenever my body heals immediately rather than scarring. "We haven't been able to make her cry like that in ages." There's that 'we' again.

"You know... you keep mentioning this other playmate of yours, Red. But you're rather scarce on the details." About all I know about him is that he's a guy and a vampire. I initially found that rather comforting considering we're currently laying in a bed that I'm fairly certain used to belong to Buffy and I had no interest in having her walk in on this. Now that I've found out Heinrich killed Buffy in the caves over a year ago in this world I'm somewhat less enthused by the idea. I rather strongly suspect Heinrich turned Willow as a replacement for Great Grandmother who is, sadly, still dust here in bizarro world.

"Ah. Ah. That-"

"-Would be telling... so you've said." Repeatedly. "And we can't have that now, can we?" Buffy being dead is also telling in a way. It tells me this is definitely not some variation of the canon wish. Someone must have knocked out one of her support pillars. Time of death makes me think it might have been Xander's life that got edited, though I can't even say if that was on purpose. Willow, of all people, never mentioning him isn't exactly confirm-

Willow's fingernails dig in deeper. "Of course not, not while you still won't tell me how this marvelous amulet of yours let you walk around in the sunshine."

This again? Her persistence on that train of thought was annoying an hour ago, now it's infuriating. "I told you already, my amulet has nothing to do with-"

"Bored now." She smirks at me.

"I believe I warned you what I'd do if you insisted on calling me a liar?"

"You did." She says enthusiastically as she squirms around so she's lying on her stomach. "Just like we did to my puppy, you promised."

Christ on a cracker, that turns her on too? I thought she was just into hurting Cordelia, not pain in general. She's worse than Faith- Err, maybe not Faith... judging by her canon adventures Faith might share the whole autoerotic asphyxiation fetish. But I could buy myself a whole gods damned week without questions from Amy just by mentioning the topic.

...

Still, a promise is a promise, I start reaching around to clamp my hand down on her throat as I roll on top of her.


---Sunnydale - Warehouse District : T = +6 hours---

"Fucking seriously!?"

I shove my cousin Cordelia back with a barked order to, "stay!" Her immediate compliance and obedient nod was both far more impressive and concerning when I thought Willow had found a way to Thrall a fellow vampire. Finding out she'd done all the rewiring before siring her was kind of a letdown. Helpful to know right now though, since it means I don't have to be worried about having the same done to me.

Spinning around I drive my fist directly into Willow's still shocked looking face. Feeling that uniquely satisfying crunch as her nose breaks under my fist, I confirm she's been knocked unconscious before shaking out my hand as the bones in my fingers rapidly un-break themselves.

That done, I go about rediscovering the unpleasant way just how hard it is to try and remove a stake from my own back.

...

"Cordelia! Pull the stake out of my back."

She does. Holding it in her hand and staring back at me with the same vacant expression that's been reminding me of Harmony's early days this whole time. Or maybe not... looking into Cordelia's eyes for the first time today I think it's more fair to say she reminds me of those would be human traffickers in Budapest. Harmony always looked completely and absolutely thrilled to be wherever she was ordered. Cordelia smiles happily the whole time and begs for more... while crying and whimpering a lot. I wonder if Willow did that on purpose? She probably did. I got the distinct feeling this Willow hated Cordelia with a kind of fire I don't know that I've ever truly managed. Truly odd bond to want to make eternal, but there you go.

Taking the stake away from her, I turn back to Willow, who's slowly coming back to consciousness on the ground. A swift kick sets that process back a few more minutes and makes me feel slightly better.

Twirling the stake in my hands I try to decide what to do next.

I still don't know how temporal folds work... so these two could possibly be family even if I doubt it. It's not like a world teeming with cousins would be the worst world I could wind up stuck in. If I have to stay here-

Kneeling on the ground I wait for Mother's emphatic disagreement with that last thought to pass. Shaking my head to clear it I have to concede that that was well put, Mother. If Mother never came to town, she never killed Kendra. Faith might be out there, but not my Sister. Mother never made me here, I don't exist. I'm little more than an echo of a lost world, a figment of Mother's imagination. Figments can't have family, we aren't real.

Right then, I'm leaving. But first... I'm rather sick of people thinking its okay to try and stake me. Hmmm... the punishment ought to fit the crime.

Picking Willow up and dumping her on to the bed I tap Cordelia on the cheek. "Fangs out, babe."

...

Cordelia slides into gameface as ordered, but her fangs are broken off.

Note to self: Willow is fucking messed up in the head. Do not ever let her get turned back home.

Lifting Willow back up I bite down on her neck. The lack of a beating heart induced blood pressure makes the wound ooze out blood rather than spurting.

I hold her out to Cordelia. "Drink up." Cordelia lowers herself down onto Willow and starts sucking at her neck.

Rifling through the night stand drawer for a paper and pen to take note of what happens, I shake my head at Willow's foolishness. This is the problem with turning opponents into mindless minions. You can't trust them not to rebel or get co-opted while you're away or incapacitated. I definitely prefer my policy of only dealing with trusted lieutenants that have enough brain cells to rub together.

I should also make a note that Willow's blood tastes a bit different than the prisoner's and possibly has a slightly higher... mana content? Hard to say given that I don't have any data on the safety of consuming the blood of one's Great Grandaunt and I'm disinclined to use myself as the guinea pig.

Aha! A pen and notebook! I frown briefly at the funny writing inside. It's Willow's so I'd guess it's written in Hebrew? Shrugging and flipping to a blank page at the back, I figure I can try and translate it later if I run out of actually useful projects.

It takes Cordelia a few minutes to completely drain Willow to the point where she dusts. I would guess relying purely on suction due to lack of blood pressure prolongs the process.

...

We were rather rudely interrupted after all... "One more for the road, babe?"

Cordelia stares back at me for a moment with freshly grown fangs on display as she smiles. "...okay."

It's the first time I've heard her speak an actual word today, and it makes me smile. I wonder if Amy has a point about my having a thing for brunettes..? Nah, I think maybe I just have a thing for collecting broken people.

Either way I grab the sides of her head. "Fangs in then, that's a good girl."


---Sunnydale - Warehouse District : T = +7 hours---

Pulling my pants back on I glance back over at the bed when I hear a strange sound.

Cordelia's gone. The stake she left behind is rolling back and forth on the mattress.

...

I guess that was one more time for the road for both of us.

If there is an afterlife for our demonic souls, I hope she spends it rubbing it into Willow's face that she outlived her and won their little rivalry in the end. Bitch fucking staked me mid go, and in the back no less.

Now if Willow was being truthful about Heinrich still being active here... this world is probably chock fucking full of false cousins and moronic fledges by now. If my family radar had better range I'd likely be overwhelmed by the results.

Willow got cagey whenever the topic of why Heinrich wasn't in charge came up, but I got the impression that this Sunnydale is in the throes of a supernatural civil war.

Since Cordelia didn't wish this world upon us... I guess that makes someone at Wolfram & Hart trying to be clever the next likely option? Fan-fucking-tastic. I only still exist, as me at least, because of my tattoos. How the hell do I get them to undo it? Christ, I'm about to base a plan on a plotline from the comics that father only read about in a fanfic aren't I? That's what I've been reduced to? Fuck everything's life, the only way I know of to get Wolfram & Hart to back the fuck down is to break the world so fucking thoroughly that their endgame apocalypse gets invalidated. Gods damn it, that means finding and killing not-Grandfather while basically ending the world. Err- At least I'm pretty sure that's how Los Angeles got out of hell.

Meh. It's not my world. Who cares? Still, hardly a course of action to undertake on a whim... But, either way, I should probably set about re-arming myself before the sun sets in a few hours. Having the orbs' boost available is nice, but I'd like a weapon more effective than the knife hidden in my boot. Maybe the Glove is still over in the Von Hauptman Crypt in this timeline? That'd be a good start.


---Von Hauptman Crypt : T= +8 Hours---

Walking back out of the crypt as the Glove of Myhnegon latches onto my arm, I hear a familiar voice shouting.

Suddenly sprinting out of the cemetery, I follow the sounds of battle towards what looks like a buggerfucking ogre trying to squish Faith. Faith is forced into a backwards roll by the swing of a hammer even I consider obnoxiously oversized, and I upgrade my previous thought to 'Ogre-Magi' when it gestures and a nearby car is telekinetically flung at Faith's now already prone form.

Ripping power out of the nearest transformer on my way past and then tagging the huge bastard with a lightning bolt is easy. Fortunately it looks like doing so breaks his concentration, and the car nosedives back down to the ground. It rolls end over end, slowing down just barely enough that Faith is able to roll out of its way.

...unfortunately that seems to be about all I accomplished. Well, no, I definitely made it mad at me. Ah well, nothing for it. "Get the fuck away from my Sister, fucktard!"

The ogre roars. "KILL THEM!" It can speak English!? Errr-

I recognize the voice even before a group of El-Eliminati come pouring into the fight from around a warehouse corner. That thing is fucking Balthazar? He's supposed- Oh. I see, He seems to have found his amulet in this world. And when did the Sun fucking set? It can't be later than 4. Not even my namesake season manages that yet this far South.

As a car comes careening my way, I make note to either figure out how to work that amulet myself or kill it with fire. He is no longer allowed to have it. Gods Damn It, I send another bolt of lightning his way as I move out of the path of another- no, the same car, just reused. "Using a car as a projectile, clichéd much?" Then again I probably shouldn't remind him that telekinesis could be used to pin me in place... can't it? Well... probably not me, thank Eris, but Faith maybe.

Even more fucking sword toting cultists rounding the corner shifts this fight from stupid to suicidal. Faith seems to agree with my assessment because she races past with a shouted, "Time ta go, dude!"

About the only thing going right in this whole cock up is that Balthazar is apparently slower than molasses flowing uphill in the dead of winter. Faith and I quickly gain distance from him as we race down the road.

Not from his psychotic minions though. Gods Damn It all, they must all be older than William given how quickly they're gaining on us. Even without their boss, going 2 vs. a horde with things that are fully capable of decapitating me does not appeal. I fry another few blocks worth of electrical grid pulling in more power and taze the closest cultist as I chase Faith around a cor-.

"Shitfuck. Dead end." Faith yells as I round the building and confirm the same.

"I thought you knew where you were going."

"Yeah, I did. Away from those guys!"

"Well, now what?" I drop another cultist with a lightning bolt as he clears the corner. His buddies seem unconcerned as they block us in.

Instead of Faith, the roar of a car engine answers me as some sort of Chevy plows through the bunched up cultists like a bowling ball.

...

"Now we make this fast and then get in the car." Faith is already in motion, darting forward and driving a stake into a downed cultist.

...The fuck just happened? Not the time. I grab one of the dropped swords and put down a few cultists before any with unbroken legs can climb to their feet.

The Chevy is now parked a short bit away from the alley we were in. A woman I've never seen before is dueling one of the cultists next to the open driver's side door.

Two of the cultists that didn't get pancaked rush at me as I step out of the alleyway. Running is clearly not the only thing they're able to do faster than me. This is going to be Kakistos all over again. I toggle on the orbs and take the first sword strike on my own blade. Sure enough, his buddy's sword whips right around through my amateur defenses and cuts into my arm.

...

I giggle. I love my orbs. The severed limb I expected is instead replaced by the sensation of a sword sawing ineffectively against my... uh... the bones in your forearm? The arm tibia thing. "You gave me a paper cut!" I gleefully inform the closer cultist before abandoning both subtlety and my sword to rush at him.

Wishboning him by the clavicle, I turn to other one who seems to have discovered that stabbing me in the back was also ineffective given that impaling my lungs doesn't do much beyond preventing me from taunting him. I slap him with a lightning bolt before pushing his sword back out and removing his head with it. My ring having already finished closing up my wounds as soon as the swords making them got out of its way.

No longer surrounded by maniac cultists I toggle off the orbs. Surviving the battle only to wind up killing myself via starvation would be embarrassing. As it is I already feel a bit peckish. Maybe I should have- No, eating Willow would have been a stupid risk.

"DOUBLE-D!" Faiths outraged cry pulls me back to reality. I turn around to see her beating the everloving snot out of the remaining cultist with her bare hands. Its sword currently pinning our mystery woman rescuer to her car through the chest.

...

Wait, Double D? As in Diana Dormer? What the actual fuck?

 

[Aetheron]

A/N - I've been told by the folks that read this on SpaceBattles that it may be worth noting that the darker turn Jack's life starts taking doesn't stick and that the story rebounds pretty hard very soon.

---

---Sunnydale Roadways : T = +8 Hours---

Diana Dormer was still alive?

Okay, I guess that makes sense, I run the numbers in my head as I walk towards the car.

Willow made it sound like Heinrich was making all kinds of waves as he fought to take possession of the Hellmouth.

Miss Dormer and Faith must have been deployed here practically immediately after Kendra kicked it.

No time for Kakistos to get involved and kill her in... this... timeline.

...

I just went toe to toe with a full power Balthazar and then his sword-happy El Eliminati cultists for a girl that isn't my Sister.

Some stranger I've never even met.

And her fucking watcher too.

Gods Damn It.

I sigh. I mean... I suppose... She's kind of like a clone of my Sister right? So that'd make her the identical twin daughter of my Sister? My Niece, basically?

...

Okay, this is fucking ridiculous. I'm putting way too much effort into justifying father's middle school crush on Eliza Dushku.

I glance over at Alter-Faith... To be fair, it's hard to argue with father's tastes while looking at something so fantastic.

Being honest with myself, Niece or not, I don't think it really matters. She's the local Slayer, and being on good terms with her helps my odds of surviving if I wind up stuck in this crapsack world.

That I want to do things to her that would make my time with Willow and Cordelia seem tame by comparison is largely secondary at this point.

Nearing the car, I note that Miss Dormer actually appears to somehow still be alive in spite of her wound. Kudos on that, I suppose.

Hmmm... Looks like a punctured lung? I really ought to consider learning more about medicine and anatomy all things considered. Maybe I can convince the surgical department back home to let me observe some time?

...Not that now is really the time for such musings. Now is the time for taking advantage of such an easy bonding opportunity. Saving Miss Dormer's life will probably get me further with Alter-Faith than simply being on hand when she dies.

I roll up my pant leg and fetch my emergency kit as she coughs up more blood. Definitely a lung problem in there somewhere.

Huh... that's no good. I appear to have melted the casing a bit at some poi- err, back while I was on fire I'd imagine. I guess fireproofing wards don't prevent melting, just combustion. I wonder if Amy could do a more generalized thermal energy ward.

...

Thank the gods it didn't ignite the road flare. I picked the flare for its safety cap, but still, what a fucking way to test it.

To my side Faith must have finished venting her frustrations on the last cultist as I hear the telltale sound of a vampire dusting.

She rushes over, rapidly chanting the word "no" like a panicked mantra that intersperses with "don't die" occasionally. I wrench the now fused on top off of my kit through the judicial application of brute force.

Hmmm... the needle on the Epi-pen's auto-syringe is bent, along with some of the plastic bits at that end. That's inconvenient, but not insurmountable.

"Faith. It's- okay. We all... die sometime." Miss Dormer manages to half say, half cough, before sliding out of consciousness.

I snort. "Yeah... Fuck that noise in the neck." Forcing the casing off, I pop open the syringe tube.

"What?" Faith looks over at me, annoyed expression turning hopeful as her eyes home in on the glowing green vial in my hands. "What's that?"

"Blood of Eternity. I'll need you to dump it into the wound as soon as I get the sword clear, okay?" I hand over the vial and broken emergency kit container.

Taking the sword carefully by the hilt, I pull it out as straight as I can to avoid making the wound wider. Faith practically shoves the vial into Miss Dormer's chest. Gravity and Faith's enthusiasm aren't quite as effective as a working syringe plunger but it gets the job sort of done.

I'm leaning in, watching the wound start to knit itself back together when Faith grabs my head and wrenches it around. Her lips suddenly pressed against mine.

...

I lick my lips as she pulls back a moment later.

I can still taste her on my tongue as she says, "thanks," and turns back to Miss Dormer, putting her into the back of the car.

"Any time, Sis-" my muttered reply cuts off as my brain turns back on. She is not my Sister. She looks, sounds, smells, and even tastes and feels like my Sister, but there's something distinctly... off about her. Something I can't quite put my finger on, but that seems to be giving me a mild buzzing headache.

This world is starting to make me feel like Charlie Brown with that stupid football.

As if to reinforce my point even as it pulls the ball away from me, just like Lucy does every single gods damned time, I hear Balthazar roar nearby. Closing the back door behind Faith, who's still fussing over her wounded watcher, I slide into the driver's seat.

"Time to go." I tell my new passengers as I turn the keys that were left in the ignition. Peeling out and swinging the car around I glance back. "I'm no expert, but what's left of her cut still doesn't exactly look pleasant. I'm also guessing that just regenerating the wounded internal parts means there's probably still blood in her lungs. So... I'm thinking Hospital?" I'll also be able to pick up some lemonade to refuel with in case of yet another emergency sideswiping me before I can rebuild my little herd of thralls or break away to go hunting.

"Yes." My Sister's imposter calls out behind me far louder than is necessary. "And... thanks for saving us, Angel."

"Seriously?" If I weren't driving I'd be staring at her in insulted disbelief. Confusing me for my fuckhead of a Grandsire and his Warden.

"Shit, yeah! I thought I was gonna be toast when that car almost hit me, and then wham! Lightning bolt to the face for mistah big and ugly." I look at her face in the mirror. How in the hell does that make her think I'm-

...

Ah, right. No reflection and I saved them... I get it now. Being room temperature while kissing her probably didn't help either. Apparently that all adds up to make me Angel? Okay, a fair point that.

"Well, as flattering as it is to be told you think I could be a guy known entirely for his pretty face... No. I'm not my asshat of a grandsire. My name is Jack Winters.

"You're not Angel? But you're a vamp and you're bein all... helpful and shit."

"Angelus? Helpful? Pull the other one." Why am I even still doing this for an imposter again? An imposter that is currently gearing up for a fight behind me. "To be fair, I'm not actually from this reality or timeline or whatever though so don't feel bad about not knowing who I am. The biggest difference I've noticed so far between here and home is that I don't seem to have ever existed here." I shrug and smile.

"So... you the vamp that got cursed with a soul in your world?" Faith looks tense, and I suspect being the driver of a moving vehicle with her unconscious watcher is all that's keeping me stake free just now.

"Ummm... not exactly? I mean, I don't have my father riding shotgun with me in my head if that's what you mean. But, you know, I've never really be able to get a clear answer on why people call Angel that anyway. Don't all vamps have souls?"

"No." I roll my eyes at the flat denial, bordering hostility. Suddenly I'm being stared at not just like she would a vamp, but also a crazy person.

"I mean... It could be different here, but Mr. Giles, the watcher guy for Buffy back home, said that vampires were created when a human got infected with by an Old One's soul. So doesn't that mean that we all have some kind of demon soul instead of a human one? Hell, I've seen soulless people. They mostly just kind of sit there doing a decent vegetable impression. I'm clearly not that. Something is keeping me in motion." Faith scowls thoughtfully and I know the game is on. Oh, Miss Dormer, you picked a hell of a time to pass out on your young and impressionable ward. "Again, maybe it's different in this world, but... I mean, think about those revivification rituals that can bring really old vamps back to life from their bones. How could that work without a soul to transcend dusting?"

In the mirror behind me I see the imposter's face crinkle up her nose, just my Sister does when I've lost her. I grin a little when, just like my Sister would, she hones in on the part she understood. "Bones?"

"Yeah... Wait, does that not happen in this world? I mean when we kill a really old vamp like The Master or Kakistos and they leave a skeleton behind after they dust don't they?"

"You killed The Master in your world!?"

"No, Buffy killed Heinrich... I got Kakistos. Which I gather is yet another difference in this world. Buffy didn't make it?"

"Yeah... no... Umm, So... if you're not Angel, and are still all demon-soul-y. Why did you help me?" Her hostility tapering off to basic wariness as she asks her question.

Because I was confused and angry and reacted without thinking? I shrug noncommittally. "Instinct I guess." Those same instincts that are now at war with each other, giving me a headache.

There's a pause while "...Huh?" she asks after a moment.

"I heard what I thought was-" I stutter out for half a beat. Unwilling to give voice to the idea, to name this imposter as my Sister. "You sounded just like someone I know back in my world. I reacted like I would have if she were in trouble back home." I shrug again. "I didn't even really process that you weren't her until after Diana was stabbed." Of course now it's a struggle to focus on anything else. "At that point... helping you save her just seemed like... the right thing to do, you know?"

"Since when does a vamp care bout that shit?"

I snort. "Since about the time this girl named Faith Dormer née Lehane moved into my house."

"What!?"

"I did tell you I thought you sounded just like her."

"You're lying." And the hostility that went away earlier found friends to bring along with it when it returned I see.

"Never. Not to you-" I slip up again. The pain in my head pulses. "Not to her." My headache remains. "Fucking fuck dimension travel sucks. But okay... You can assume I'm lying if you want to, but I have to ask; do you remember that time when you were eight years old and..."

I start pouring out every little story I've ever wheedled out of my Sister. Every tale she told on the show. Every minute detail my lawyers dug up in a Summer's worth of research.

And while I talk, I drive us towards the hospital. As I do so, a curious pattern emerges.

I look in the mirror and see the stranger wearing my Sister's face and the conflicting urges to kill this imposter and to protect my family gives me a headache.

I focus on the road in front of me and the Faith in my stories. My Sister. Family. I start to feel better, even if not completely.

I need to change lanes, or a horn beeps, something, it varies. So I check my mirrors and I spot the girl in the back seat looking at me with my Sister's expressions of mounting confusion and wonder. My fangs itch, my head starts to ache ever so slightly more than it did before, and the cycle begins anew.



---Sunnydale Memorial Hospital - ER : T = +8.5 Hours---

Double D, as Faith now insists I call her, gets wheeled away for surgery on a gurney while I fill out check in paperwork. My head still hurts. The Tylenol Nurse Dora gave me did nothing for me.

I'm still baffled by how many things Sunnydale natives will just ignore as a matter of course. I think a stabbing wound that enters on one side a woman, exits the other, and manages to have left the middle parts 'undamaged' while still filling her lung with blood takes the prize though.

Handing the forms off to Norse Dora, I glance back to Faith. She's staring at me with an odd expression. I sigh as my head throbs. "What?"

"You really know your way around the hospital."

"Oh. Well, I should hope so. I do work here after all. Or rather I work at the here that would be if I were back home. I have mentioned how vexing that distinction is right?"

"Only 8 times so far." She laughs. I roll my eyes and try to hide my mounting irritation.

The urge claw my Sister's face off of her wars with the urge to hug her. To defile, violate, and kill her at war with protecting and soothing her. Unwilling and unable to follow either impulse I take a deep breath. "I need to get out of here."

My Sister's doppelganger and I blink at each other after that last line came out in stereo.

I nod knowingly, but let her explain first because I'm a touch lost. "I don't do well in hospitals you know? All keyed up and nothing to punch."

"Ah. Yeah. I never got many visits while at work back home either." I file that away for later along with the story about the bees.

"Yeah, and after a fight like tonight I'm about ready to pop." She grins at me slyly.

...

I know that line. I smile as I butcher Xander's line. "You? Ready to Pop? That never happens."

"Our flat ain't too far from here. You up for it?"

"With you to steer me around the curves? Always." The Tylenol didn't help. Maybe buggering My Sister-

...

Gods. Fucking. Damn. It. Brain. No! She is not my Sister!

Still... Why should I let that stop me? I follow her seductively swaying ass out of the hospital anyway.


---Appartment Building : T = +10 Hours---

Collapsing as that brief moment of physical exhaustion once again follows euphoria, I lay there motionless for a moment while reality seeps back in.

Well then.

That... just happened.

This Lucy girl is such a fucking bitch. Not that my Sister would appreciate being referred to as a football. Or, I suppose, the implications of my strong desire to 'kick' her.

...

On the bright side my headache doesn't feel like it's continuing to spike painfully anymore.

Granted, the dull background roar that it settles into between those spikes is definitely worse than when I first took note of it.

I can't imagine that being a good sign. Inexplicable headaches after exposure to powerful reality warping magics rarely are.

...

I think maybe I'm allergic to this inter-dimensional timeline travel bullshit? Thinking on it, I do recall father thinking that Eris and Janus bringing him to Sunnydale was itchy.

Still...

Licking my lips, I'm not terribly clear on how I thought this was a good idea. At all.

I've been acting erratically of late. Impulsively. Drifting in and out of control.

Hmmm...

Headaches. Erratic, impulsive behavior. Difficulty remembering who people are, or are not, over the course of a conversation. Violent outbursts with little warning. Lapsing into instinctive responses rather than thinking things through.

These are all things I've seen listed on the charts of my patients in the pysch-ward.. What a horrifying thought.

Put in perspective though, if it weren't for the headache I'd have said it's behavior I've seen in common fledges. Now THAT is a truly mind numbing horror.

Ungh. I shudder reflexively at the idea, rolling off of Alter-Faith's now room temp body.

Okay, so... the necrophilia is new. Granted that only happened after sucking down 6 pints or so of Slayer Blood sometime during round... whichever one she stopped being on top for.

Slayer blood. Nothing tastes quite like it. Easily the most delicious thing in all of the 'verse. William was right about that part at least.

Sort of like the opposite of Willow's blood too. No added mystical oomph, but it makes me feel... stronger?

Granted... the side effects leave a lot to be desired. I glance over at the former imposter laying facedown next to me. I seem to have made a mess of her while high on her blood.

Maybe that sense of strength is just me still coming back down?

Ah well. Nothing for it now. Spilt milk and all that.

Laying in her bed, basking in the afterglow, I note that looking at her no longer causes my headache to pound away at my sanity. So I have that going for me at least.

I should probably avoid people I know back home from now on though. Seems to be causing some kind of dissonance issue.

Or I suppose I could do the rational thing; Work on getting home as fast as possible so that none of this matters anyway.

Which is exactly what I set out to do hours ago...

I add easily distracted to my list of symptoms.

Between what I learned from Willow and Faith though, I think maybe I ought to start out by arming for bear. I miss my pistol dearly right now.

I wonder if the Mayor still trusts the SPD with actual firearms in this world?


---Sunnydale Police Station : T = +10.5 Hours---

There are some changes you just can't help but notice almost immediately upon walking into a room. They just kind of stand out.

Walking into the Sunnydale Police Station, I can't help but notice that my tattoos flair in a way that reminds me of walking into the Mayor's office.

There also seems to be a ungodly number of crosses and other holy symbols strewn about the place, including a number of obnoxiously large ones placed front and center on the some of the desks.

Looking down, there's even one etched into the doorknob in my hand.

Huh...

I guess even SPD noticed the supernatural gang war that's broken out over possession of their little 'town.' That's kind of embarrassing for us creatures of the night actually.

Then again, I see some new faces in here. Maybe the Mayor suddenly needed a militia more than a cover up machine? Would explain the wards on the doorway.

I bet if it weren't for both my ring and my tattoos that I'd have had trouble even physically getting to the front desk.

The obnoxiously large mirror they have placed nearby almost seems like overkill at this point.

Maybe the SPD armory isn't the easiest way to get a gun in this town?

No one seems to have noticed my entry.

I could just leave...

Except that the reason no one has noticed my entry seems to be the familiar looking girl causing a scene in the middle of the room.

Those changes you kind of just can't miss? I think Dawn having a weird glowing green... energy..? flickering in and out of being around her like someone tuned a music visualizer to use her body and the background hum of the universe as a base counts as one of those.

My mounting headaches and odd behaviors suddenly seem so much more sinister.

I blink as another realization sets in. That's interesting. Alter-Dawn isn't making my headache pulse like Alter-Faith did.

"Gawd! You people really are all idiots! I already told you. It's my fucking house! I live there!" Dawn screams at a detective. She's handcuffed to a chair near his desk, as he nods patiently and types something while she yells at him.

Detective... something or other... tells Alter-Dawn in a rather exasperated sounding tone of voice. "And I already told you, there is no record of any Dawn Summers ever existing. The woman you claim is your mother moved away over a year ago when her only daughter, one Buffy Summers, drowned in a freak accident."

...

She's not Alter-Dawn..? That's my Dawn from back home?

Maybe she's the one who made the wish? Easiest answer for her presence. Doesn't explain no one knowing who she is though...

Oh, what the shit. Those fucking Monks must have layered in extra protections against... whatever happened. Makes sense I suppose.

Or maybe just being the key instead of being human has side effects when being affected by reality alteration?

Huh... I think this is my first piece of evidence that this is the same world made different, rather than some sort of external alternate reality dimension.

If I hadn't already discounted the idea of Willow telling me to 'go away' as the source of my troubles I would do so now. That wouldn't drag Dawn with me.

So, someone definitely folded time back on itself and Dawn and I got stranded in bizarro-world... I may hate them more than the prisoner right now.

...

And when did she become my Dawn anyway?

Oh who even cares?

I walk through the little gate separating off the detectives area. "Excuse me, hi... You seem to have something of mine handcuffed to your chair."

 

[Aetheron]

***POV Harmony***

---

---Sunnydale High – Hallways : Friday Morning Before School---

Cordelia looks at me sadly. "Everything is just a mess right now. I just-" She sighs. "I think we're going to try to work through it."

She thinks they're going to try and work through it? I think I might puke. Fortunately, Anya is able to force herself to stay on point even while I fight to control my stomach. "But don't you wish you could make it so it never happened? I mean, think about it, if that Buffy girl never came here with all her weirdness then you wouldn't be in this situation."

Okay, what the hell? Never mind, no, that is not on point at all. I don't know if have words for how wrong that is. "No, no, no, no. This isn't about Buffy. This all Xander's fault. He. Cheated. On you, Cordelia. That is not okay, you can't tell me you're fine with that."

"No. Of course not. But... he agreed to cut ties with her, and... I don't know. I can only handle so many things at once you know? It's just. I can't get the image of the two of them together out of my head." She's moping. Cordelia Chase does not mope.

"But if it never happened? Don't you wish you could make it so none of this happened?"

Again, I stare at Anya. Where is her head at today? "Oh! Yeah, sure, I wi-" I pause as I cough a bit. Anya looks at me with an odd expression. Wishing is bad... Jack said so. But...

Conflict:
**Rule: Protect [Family]**
**Rule: No Wishing**
OVERRIDING PRIORITY:
**Rule: Protect [Family]**

"I wish Xander never liked Willow, that's it." I pause a brief moment to let just how ridiculous that is sink in. "Are you fucking kidding me, you two!? Cordelia, that bastard cheated on you. With fucking Willow, of all people. You know what I wish? I wish you two had never gone fucking crazy and started dating in the first place. Seriously! Insanity is the only way can explain you dating someone SO beneath you." Xander and Willow belong together at the bottom of the social ladder. But I am not letting them drag Cordelia down with them. I lower my voice. "I mean I know you're having money problems, but come on! Really? Xander Harris!? What were you thinking?"

Cordelia looks at me with a shocked expression. She opens her mouth but doesn't say anything. Anya, who's been nodding along next to me, voices her agreement. "She's right you know..." I turn and smile at her but her face turns all demon-y before I can thank her for the backup. What? Why does this feel familiar? "That..." Her eyes look back and forth a few times, clearly thinking something out. "...sounds like so much fun. DONE!"

The world around Anya and me ripples. "What just happened?"

"You made a wish." Anya rubs her temples, but smiles at me. "I granted it. Ta-" She groans. Looking slightly pained. "-dah! A world where one Xander Harris never liked one Willow Rosenberg."

"What!? Come on! That's not what I wanted, I wanted her-" Cordelia's gone. "Where'd she go?"

Anya shrugs at me. "She's not here. Why would she be moping," she grimaces, "about Xander cheating on her if they never dated in this world. Think of it as a twofer. Never liking Willow changed things enough that Xander and Cordelia never got together. You're welcome, by the way."

"Oh... Okay! Thank you!"

"No problem." She groans again, holding her head. "I usually like the wish... to come from the actual scorned... woman but your... friend was just being such... a doormat." She sounds exhausted.

"Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. I must have gotten some sort of chaos demon caught up in the changeover is all. Takes a bit of doing to make things stabilize when that happens is all, and that can take a lot out of a girl. Still, I do believe my bet with Hallie is in the bag."

"Bet with who?"

I don't get an answer. Anya just vanishes with a smile and a wave.

Weird.

The bell rings. Oh! I've got to get to the gym for class.

I can't believe saving Cordelia from any more social suicide was so easy. I wonder why Jack hates wishes so much?

...

I hope he won't be mad.

Oh, of course he won't. He's the one that taught me Family comes first.


---Sunnydale High – Classroom : First Period---

Willow isn't in class. She never misses class. Not even gym class.

"Where's Willow?" I really wanted to mock her.

Aphrodesia turns "Willow? You mean that psycho that vanished in Sophmore year?" She looks at me funny. "I thought you told us to never speak of her ever again."

...

Cool! I grin at her. "Just checking."

The bell rings.

A world without Willow? Not even having to play freaking dodge ball can dampen my spirits.

...

Shouldn't it have been Queen C that issued the edict?

Whatever. I'll ask her about it next period.


---Sunnydale High – Classroom : Second Period---

I take my seat in Miss Tenghast's English class and wait patiently...

Okay. Not so patiently. Cordelia is in this class with me. I can't wait to see her happy again.

...

And I wait some more...

Where is she? Cordelia should be here by now, class is almost starting...

Aura comes in and sits down in what should be Cordelia's seat.

Aura doesn't do that. She knows better than that. She sits one row behind us. Always. That's how this works.

"Where's Cordelia?"

...

Aura gives me a funny look. "Are you on something today, Harmony?"

"What?"

"Cordelia's been dead for like almost a year. That crazy Rosenberg bitch killed her in The Bronze before she disappeared." Aura tells me just before the bell rings to start class.

Oh no!

I don't like this wish world anymore.

This is horrible.

I have to fix this. How do I fix this?

**Rule: In case of an emergency not listed here in the binder: Contact Jack or Amy. or Faith.**

Jack and Amy will know. Or maybe Faith?

I see Jack next period. I'll ask him then.


---Sunnydale High – Classroom : Third Period---

I take my seat in Mr. Green's History class and wait... I don't even pretend for patiently.

Some girl I've never seen before sits in Jack's seat.

The bell rings.

Jack and Amy aren't on the list when Mr. Green takes attendance.

"Did Jack drop this class?"

"Who?"

"Jack?" Nothing. She just stares at me like a loser. "Jack Winters?" Still nothing.

"...Never heard of him." How could she have never-

Oh no.

No. No. No.

How do I fix this?

**Rule: In case of an emergency not listed here in the binder: Contact Jack or Amy. or Faith.**

Calling Jack never works. I'll call Amy after class.


---Sunnydale High – Classroom : After Third Period---

I call Amy's cell phone. "I'm sorry; the number you have reached is not in service, or has been temporarily disconnected. The number you have reached is not in service at this time. This is a recording."

Damn it!

...

I call Faith's cell phone. It rings! Yes!

"Hello?"

...

It's some old lady's voice. I try anyway. "Is Faith Dormer there?"

"I'm sorry dear, you must have the wrong number. There's no one named Faith here."

Damn it!

I know he never answers but I try to call Jack's cell phone anyway to leave a message. "I'm sorry; the number you have reached is not in service, or has been-"

I hang up.

The bell rings to go to fourth period.

I lean against the lockers. I think I'm going to- No. I'm already crying.

I hate this world. I want to go home. I want my friends back.

Think Harmony think.

What would Jack and Amy do?

Wait! If there's no Jack here... Did he never move to Sunnydale?

The maybe Amy is... I call Amy's Dad. "Hello?" asks an older woman's voice.

Older than her dad's girlfriend. Not again... "Hi? Is Amy there?"

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

"What?"

"My daughter died, you bitch, stop calling me."

"WHAT!? No! Amy can't be dead I need-"

The woman hangs up... wait... was that her mother? Didn't she go crazy or something years ago and try to kill Amy? Not important right now.

Think, Harmony, think.

What would Jack and Amy do?

**Rule: In case of an emergency, disaster plans can be found in this binder.**

... I remember Jack holding up a big book thing and saying it was importa-

The binder! He told me to remember about the binder with plans in case of disaster. He even read the whole thing to me, just in case.

I just have to look up-

Damn it. It's at the house that Jack doesn't exist to own anymore.

My family is gone. I'm all alone-

**Rule: You're never alone, Harmony. You can do [Action]. Just remember what I told you.**

Think, Harmony, think! You can remember this. He told you to remember this, to think back and picture that day. Okay...

I was sitting on his lap at the breakfast table while he talked to me. I remember Jack's eyes staring into my eyes. I try to remember what he-

'Rule: Protect [Family].' //This is the most important thing Harmony. It comes first. Always.
'Rule: Jack is [Family].'
'Rule: Amy is [Family]'
'Rule: We do not talk about [Family Stuff] with Not-[Family].'
'Rule: Anything that happens at [Home] is [Family Stuff]'
'Rule: Amy is in charge when I'm not around.'
'Rule: Faith is [Family]'
'Rule: Faith is in charge if both Amy and I are not around.'
'Rule: Your new [Diet Plan] is [Family Stuff]'
'Rule:-

"Can we fast forward please?"

'Rule: Amy is not allowed near the stove until her third cup of coffee.'

That was added later! It worked! I can do this. Ummmm...

'Rule:-

"Disaster Plans!"

'Rule: In case of an emergency, disaster plans can be found in this binder.'

"I can't get to the damned binder, Jack."

'In case-

"Who's Jack? Are you okay? Did you need a case or binder?" Nancy asks me as she walks by.

"Kind of busy here." I glare at her.

Where was I? oh right.

'In case of an emergency not listed here:'

"YES!"

'Report to Jack or Amy. or Faith.'

"Damn it! I tried that. All three of you."

"O...kay... I'm going to go get Nurse Greenliegh." Nancy finally leaves me alone.

'If unable to contact [Family], go to: Joyce, for parental advice issues.'

"No."

'My lawyer, Alan, for legal issues.'

"No."

'Giles for magical or-'

"AHA! Wishes are like totally magic. Giles it is!"

I race down the hall and into the library.

...

"Um. Who the hell are you? Where's Mr. Giles?"

The strange man in a poorly tailored and tasteless suit, that does not suit his complexion by the way, sitting at Giles desk sighs. "They did tell me you kids were allergic to the library, but I didn't think so many of you could fail to notice your former librarian quit over a year ago now. My name is Mr. Bixby, can I help you find something?"

"He what!?"

He shrugs at me. "Quit. Or resigned, maybe? Apparently he blamed himself for the death of a student. Summer something?"

I haven't seen Buffy today either. Damn it! I hate this world. "Did he leave... like... a phone number or something I can reach him at? It's super important!"

"You'd have to ask the secretary in the main office.-"

"Thank you. Bye!"

I leave the Library and head down to the office.

Principal Snyder walks out in his stupid brown suit. Oh my god, so fucking tacky. He stands there. In my way. "What're you doing out of class young lady?"

"I need to talk to the school secretary."

"Go to class youn-"

**Rule: Snyder can be bribed with ways to torment Buffy.**
**Rule: Snyder can be threatened with Mayor Wilkins.**
**Rule: Snyder can be threatened with legal action.**

I grab his stupid tie and pull him nose to nose before yelling at the top of my lungs. "I. Need. To. Talk. To. The. School. Secretary. Get out of my way or I will have my father's lawyer call The Mayor to complain."

Snyder turns pasty white. Gross. It makes his suit look even worse on him. He gets out of my way though. Yay.

The secretary smiles at me as I walk in. Oh! I like the color of her dress. "Hi, Miss Smith! Mr. Bixby said you might have a number I can reach Mr. Giles at?"

"I'm not supposed-" She glances over my shoulder and smiles again? Huh? "...oh why not." She pulls open a filing cabinet and rifles though it while glancing over and smiling at me occasionally. Weird...

She takes out a file and writes a phone number down on a post-it. "Here you go, dear."

"Thank you. I love your dress by the way. Where did you get it?"


---Sunnydale High – Hallways : 10 Minutes Later ---

I dial the number Miss Smith gave me.

Come on, come on, come on... They picked up! Yes! "Hello?" Slurs a male voice.

...

"Hi? Is this Mr. Giles?"

"Yes, speaking..?."

"...are you drunk?"

"No. Drunk... was quite a fair while ago you see. What month is it?"

"Ummm... November. But see, I made this wish and the whole world went wrong, Mr. Giles. I'm supposed to ask you for help if anything magically bad happens."

Mr. Giles laughs at me. "I haven't been involved in that sort of thing since... since..."

Oh no. He sounds like he's going to cry. Oh!

"Since Buffy! She was alive before I wished! We can fix that too!"

"Excuse... me?"

"I was talking to my Cordelia and then this girl Anya said 'done!' and suddenly everything was different."

"And you're telling me Buffy was- Ahh!" There's a loud series of thumps.

"...Mr. Giles? Hello? Mr. Giles? I think you dropped the phone..?"

A loud groan is the only response I get.

...

I can hear snoring.

I hang up as the lunch bell rings. I'll call him back when he's sober. I nod to myself. Yes.


---Sunnydale High – Cafeteria : Lunchtime ---

Walking into the cafeteria for lunch I see a few people I don't remember, or remember dying in 'accidents.'

Mostly I see empty seats where my family used to sit.

I need to fix this. I broke it and need to fix it.

'Find Xander, for repair work.'

... repair is like fix right? Xander is sitting right over there.

Of course of all the people I know, it's Xander that's still here. Ungh.

He's sitting with... well, okay, slightly less loser-y people than I remember, but still... the Swim Team? Didn't they all turn into fishy freaks?

I don't want to-

**Rule: Protect [Family].**

I take a deep breath. I can do this. This is important. I can sit down at a table with Xander to get my family back. Social suicide or not.

I sit down across from Xander.

Everyone's staring at me, I can feel them judging me for sitting here. Even the socially inept Xander looks confused. "... Uhhh... Hi." The sound of his voice makes me want to mace him in the face for cheating on Cordelia.

I can do this. I close my eyes and do what Jack does when he talks to Xander. I pretend he's that batman guy on TV.

"Hi, Bats. I need your help."

"...Bats? wha- wait. You sound like that guy from this morning."

I pop my eyes open and stare at Xander. "Who? What guy from this morning. He called you Bats? Was it Jack? Please tell me you saw Jack. I need to talk to him."

Xander blinks stupidly at me instead of answering my important questions. He turns to the kid next to him, Thomas something or other. "He... never actually said his name, did he?"

"He called himself Khan. But first he said you were Kirk so I think he might just be crazy."

"Was he a-" I cough.

Conflict:
**Rule: Protect [Family]**
**Rule: We do not talk about [Family Stuff] with Not-[Family]**
**Rule: Vampires are [Family Stuff]**
OVERRIDING PRIORITY:
**Rule: Protect [Family]**

"-Vampire about yea high? Dark hair? Muscles? Tattoos?"

Everyone at the table stops to stare at me. "Vampire..? You know about vampires?"

"Duh. I practically live with Jack and Fai- ...Or I did, but then there was this stupid wish and now I'm here instead of home, and everyone is different or dead. I hate it."

"You... You think you're from another world too?" He makes a face at Thomas like he thinks I'm crazy.

"No. I'm just sitting here with you for no reason."

"Hey now! That's rich, coming from the biggest bitch in the school."

"Fuck you! You cheated on Cordelia!"

...

"...Cordelia Chase? You think I would date some vamp?"

"Yeah... Wait, what!? Cordelia's a vampire? Aura said Willow killed her."

"No. The thing wearing Willow around like a suit did. Now there's a new demon out there wearing Cordelia like a suit too."

I get a strange sense of deja vu again as an image of Willow done up in a super skanky outfit flits through my brain. Weird. It's actually an improvement on her usual 'style.'

Thomas groans. "Look. As fascinating as watching you make faces at us is, we're kind of busy eating here. I don't know why... I don't want to know why you would want to find a vampire, but the guy from this morning can't have been one. He swam in the pool."

"...huh? Jack can swim. I think. I've never actually seen him do it, but-"

Xander cuts me off. Rude. "The pool is full of holy water. Kind of an unmixy thing with vamps."

I giggle. "Pfft. Jack does stuff like that all the time. If Buffy staking him twice now didn't kill him, I doubt your pool of water would."

Everyone starts exchanging glances. "Try that one again. You're looking for a vampire that doesn't dust when staked?"

"Yup." I nod happily. The Losers finally got it.

"And he's a guy about yea tall..."


---Sunnydale High – Girl's Bathroom : After School---

I flush the toilet. I'm down to just dry heaves, and there's nothing in it but toilet water, but flushing it helps me get control of my stomach again.

I should not have asked what Thomas meant about Willow and Cordelia being 'in love.' So gross... I thought Cordelia being dead was bad. Being with Willow? Like that?

My stomach tries to empty itself again.

I flush again when I'm done heaving.

I just have to not think about it.

Don't think about it. Just... fix it.

How do I fix this?

I call Giles. It rings, but no answer. He must still be concussed. That happens to him a lot I hear.

I have a new voicemail from my mom? Weird. I don't think I ever gave her this number.

"Hi Honey, I just wanted to make sure you remembered to flirt with The Miller's son. The Millers have done very well for themselves in real estate and-"

I hang up and delete the message.

I haven't gotten a 'find a rich husband' speech in a while.

Amy pitched a fit when she found out about those. I miss Amy. I need to fix this.

A loud blaring noise. The fire alarm- no! That's not the fire alarm. That's my emergency kit!

Someone's in trouble... one of us. My phone doesn't get a text message saying who though.

Not important. I race out of the bathroom and follow the signal.

...

Why is it dark outside? I check my watch. It's only 3:30.

I definitely don't like this world anymore. This world sucks!


---Sunnydale – Downtown : Some Tracking Later--

The blinking light on my tracker leads me in a... U-turn? What?

Damn it. They must be moving?

I try to keep following it but it leads me down a dead end. I'll have to go back around and try the next street or alley or whatever.

There's a guy at the end of the alleyway when I turn around.

"What have we here? Don't you just look delicious." Really? Creeper much?

I reach into my purse and grab the mace that Amy and I cooked up. "Back off, creepazoid."

His face shifts and fangs pop out. "I think I'd rather have a snack."

"Sorry. I'm a one vamp only kind of girl."

He gets as far as, "Huh? What-" before I mace him in the face.

I step around him while he rolls around on the ground, and-

Xander freaking Harris knocks me over as he runs into the alleyway with a couple of the other losers from the swim team.

"What the hell!? Spaz much!?? I mean, really, were you put on this earth just to annoy me?"

"Get over yourself. There was a vamp and... uh... what did you do to it?"

I climb back to my feet. This outfit is so ruined. "I sprayed him with my mace?"

"That shouldn't... Ummm... why is his face melting off?"

"Huh? Is it not supposed to? We used holy water and that stuff Jack- Oh, who cares, he'll be fine in a few days. I think?"

"You think?"

Oh, for the love of shoes. Rude. "For the last time, Harris, yes, I can think. No, it doesn't hurt. And fuck you too!"

I spin around and make my way out of the alley. "That's not- I didn't mean..." whatever his Loserness said gets lost as I follow my tracker down the street..


---Sunnydale Memorial Hospital : Much tracking, and Some Angry Use of Mace Later---

The beacon leads me to the hospital.

That is probably a bad thing. They look really busy. I can't get the front desk lady's attention to ask if she's seen my family.

She finally hangs up the phone only to have to answer it again immediately. Ungh. I'll just find them myself.

No one even stops me as I follow the signal through the halls into a patient room.

We got stopped by security twice the last time we tried to visit Jack at work... Or maybe that's just for the crazy people floor?

A woman is holding one of our emergency kits with a puzzled expression. What the hell?

I put my hand on my mace. "Who are you? Why do you have my friend's emergency kit?"

"Ah. Is that what this is? I did wonder about that. The nurses claim it was among my personal effects when I was checked in but I couldn't recall ever owning anything like it." She smiles at me. "Oh. Do forgive me, it would seem that the painkillers have adversely affected my manners. I'm Diana Dormer."

"Like Faith's dead Watcher?"

"You know my... what do you mean dead?"

Oops. What do I-

Conflict:
**Rule: Protect [Family]**
**Rule: We do not talk about [Family Stuff] with Not-[Family]**
**Rule: Anything that happens at [Home] is [Family Stuff]**
OVERRIDING PRIORITY:
**Rule: Protect [Family]**

...

**See Giles for magical or academic issues.**
**Giles is a [Watcher]**

She's a Watcher... That means she's like... a girl Giles right? Maybe she can help? "Okay. So... I made this stupid wish..."


---Sunnydale Memorial Hospital – Room 42 : One Rambling Recounting Later---

"And you all live together?" She asks. I've told her twice already. I don't know if it's her meds or if she just doesn't care about my story.

"Yes. Well, I live at home, but I stay over with Amy a lot."

Diana smiles at me and then pushes the call button for the fourth time. Again, no one shows up. "Damn."

"What's wrong?"

"I need to contact the council and inform them that our plan to isolate Balthazar from his minions failed. It appears we underestimated the full extent of his recovery now that Heinrich returned-" She stops, frowning, then mutters about painkillers.

"Do you want to use my phone?" I hold it up to make sure she knows I mean my cell phone. Old people are funny about that sort of thing sometimes.

"...Yes. Thank you. I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?"

"Harmony Kendall." She takes my phone and starts dialing. I wonder how hard it is for my phone to talk to England?

She says something about being 'pro beer sonets' and then... oh. I know that buzzing noise, Amy uses that spell when she doesn't want anyone to hear her having fun in the shower.

I take my miniature unicorn out of my purse and play with it while she makes her phone call.

I must lose track of time because don't I notice she's finished her call until my cell phone bounces off my right boob. Hard. Ow! I look up.

She looks like she's been crying. "Tell me everything about this wish you made. I need to know every detail if we're going to undo it."

"Okay. So, Cordelia's loser boyfriend cheated on her..."


---Sunnydale Memorial Hospital – Room 42 : One Even Longer Rambling Recounting Later---

Anya appears in the room as Diana finishes her spell.

I grab and smash the amulet right away, just like she told me to.

The world flickers. I'm in the high school again? I'm in the high school again!

"She's right you know..." I hear Anya's voice to my side. I spin to face her. "Oh. Shit."

She tries to back away. "No you don't!" I grab her and pull her into a headlock just like Faith taught me. I look back at Cordelia. "Now you listen here. You are Cordelia Chase. You don't take that kind of shit from anyone, let alone some social reject like Xander Harris. You. Are. Better. Than. That!"

"What the hell?" I hear Cordelia mutter as I start to drag Anya away by the hair. "What are you doing!?"

"Finding the rest of our family! Come on."

 

[Aetheron]

***POV Amy***

---

---Sunnydale High Parking Lot : Friday Morning Before School---

Willow turns around and her shoulders slump. "Jerk... we don't feel like dealing with you right now. Can you just... go away?"

Jack twitches, fire erupting from under his shirt. Then he vanishes. Not burns up. Vanishes, with a soft clap of air rushing in to fill the void he left behind.

What the fuck just happened? Willow doesn't seem like she knows either.

...Did Willow seriously just banish my vampire by fucking accident!?

While I'm still processing what happened Faith starts yelling and darts forward. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?" She grabs Willow by the shoulder and cocks back her fist.

"Faith!" Buffy tries to grab Faith, but they both move just as obnoxiously fast when they're keyed up. "Calm down. She didn't-" Faith's fist connects with Willow's face. I can hear the sickening crack of bone. No way was that sound just her nose breaking. "No!" An instant later Buffy has her on the ground and they start rolling around fighting like angry toddlers. Their yelling even blends together into angry gibberish. I think I make out 'Brother,' 'Willow,' and 'no' a few times each though.

I glance down at Willow's broken face. Damn. As tempting as it is to leave Willow to her fate, I might need her to get my vampire back. Besides, if she set my vampire on fire or banished him I want her to be awake and alert when I share my feelings on the matter anyway.

Pulling out my emergency kit, I shoot a dose of green goop into what used to be her nose.

Okay... That... is more than a little gross. I stop watching Willow's face try to unflatten itself and focus on Faith and Buffy wrestling around on the ground instead while my stomach settles.

Damn it. Buffy looks like she's winning. Stupid two extra years of being a Slayer. Come on Faith you can- What am I doing?

I start chanting the invocation for my clothes animating spell. Urgh, longer chants are such a pain in the ass.

Buffy almost manages to pin Faith twice before I'm able to make her own clothes attack her. As Buffy's shoelaces wrap themselves around her legs and ruin her mobility, Faith rolls her into a headlock.

YES! We win! Errr... no... they just both randomly stopped fight and are staring behind me...

Now what? I turn around with a sigh.

...What the hell?

"Harmony? Why are you dragging some girl along by the hair?"

Is that... Anya?

Harmony opens her mouth to answer me but Cordelia walking along behind them beats her to it. "She just freaked out all of a sudden and then started attacking Anya while rambling about family. She's-"

"Hey!" Harmony's outraged cry cuts her off. Willow starts coming to at my feet. I start my chanting anew to bind her in place. "I did not freak out! I made a stupid wish, then Anya went all demon girl and said 'done,' and... and suddenly- Suddenly everything was horrible! Jack was gone-"

"WHAT!?" Faith shouts. I almost abandon my spell to join her but I force myself to focus.

"-you guys were all dead-"

"WHAT!?" I think that was all of us except the very groggy Willow who's being attacked by her sweater since I thankfully managed to just barely finish my spell before Harmony dropped that bombshell on us.

"-Cordelia was Willow's vampire love slave-"

"WHAT!?" Willow spasms at my feet as she tries and fails to join Cordelia on that shout, the collar of her sweater stuffing itself into her mouth.

"And-" This is getting us nowhere.

"Harmony! Back up! You said you made a wish and then Jack was gone?" Goddess, is this why Jack was so insistent on adding no wishing to the house rules?

"Yeah. You were all either dead or gone. It was horrible, the only person left was Xander-"

"Stop! What happened? Tell me exactly, from the beginning. Start with what you wished for?"

"Okay... so I wished that Xander never liked Willow because-"

Willow interrupts her. "Oh my god! Why would you-" She cuts back out as her sweater bunches even more of itself into her mouth.

"Because he cheated on me!" Cordelia yells over all of us. Lord and Lady, she's loud.

"ENOUGH!" Goddess, even at full volume I can't match Cordelia. I try for my best 'Jack is annoyed by the idiotic villagers' smile when everyone turns to stare at me. "You wished. She said done. The world changed so-" I'm clearly not dead. I try to remain calm. "So we were all dead?"

"Yeah. It was horrible! I was all by myself and I couldn't find any of you to help me fix it. But then Jack's beacon went off even though no one had ever heard of him. So I followed it but I didn't find Jack, I found Faith's old watcher Diana Dor-"

"Double-D was there?" Faith torn between shocked disbelief, hope, and sadness. I glance back to see Buffy take advantage of her distraction to escape the headlock. I start working up the force of will to shove her telekinetically, but after glancing at Willow and seeing she's fine, if a little bloody, Buffy just puts a hand on Faith's shoulder and squeezes it comfortingly while Harmony continues.

"Yeah. She was very nice, even if the hospital gown and blood loss didn't-"

"Hospital gown!?" Faith interrupts again. Damn it people. Let her fucking talk!

"Yeah apparently she got stabbed or something? She was all pale and stuff." I glare at Faith before she can interrupt again. "But even still, she was able to help me fix everything just like a girl Giles should!" Harmony nods happily and then starts checking her pockets. "Oh! She gave me a note to give you... oh no! It's gone." Harmony pouts for a brief moment, but continues right before I start to prompt her. "She said that would probably happen when everything fixed itself, but I really wanted you to have it. It's okay though. I made sure to memorize the whole thing just in-"

"BUFFY! You're alive!" I turn back around in time to see a Dawn shaped missile slam into Buffy, hard enough to almost knock her over, and then latch on. "Oh my god." ThankYouThankYouThankYou..." She buries her head against the crook of Buffy's neck and continues talking at warp speed. Damn it. I'm never going to sort out what happened with all these interruptions. I catch a few words here and there. Dead. Jail. Jack. Killed. Err-

"Whoa. Whoa. WHOA! Hold up! Dawn! What was that last part!?" Even Buffy looks as confused as I do as she stares at... is that soot all over Dawn? I hold up my hand as Dawn draws in a clearly needed breath and looks like she's about to spew out words again. "Maybe you should start over? Maybe slower this time?" I need all the details if I'm going to get my vampire back.

"Okay. I was at school and then suddenly everything flickered green and then Janice and Missy had no idea who I was. Mrs. Pope sent me to Principal Greenblatt because she didn't know who I was either and said I was interrupting her class trying to get Angela to give me back my assigned seat. Mom didn't answer the phone so I was told to go home and then..." She trails off sniffling. "Everything was different! There were all these pictures of other people on the walls and then cops came and arrested me for breaking in even though I had my key and so I didn't break ANYTHING. They were so mean about it. They put me in jail and kept telling me I didn't exist. They said Buffy died! And- And... mom moved away and no one would answer their phones when I tried to call them-"

Harmony interrupts her excitedly. "Oh my god! Did you get some old lady when you called Faith too?" She bounds over to Dawn.

"Yeah! How did you know? Wait 'too'? did you-"

"YES! That happened to me too! I was so upset!"

"Yeah! And like everything sucked there! Like, seriously. Sucked more than Lilian Mc-"

Buffy's shocked sounding, "DAWN!" cuts her off but Harmony responds anyway.

"Oh my God, yes! Everything totally sucked! When I called Amy or Jack I got this number is not in service message and then Amy's mom answered her dad's phone and said Amy was dead and yelled at me like I was some sort of crank call!"

"My mom what!?" Of course they ignore it when I ask a question.

"Oh my gawd! She was so mean about it too! I just wanted to talk to Amy! How was I supposed to know she died in Suck-Land." Must we keep talking about me being dead? The whole reason I got... let's go with involved... with Jack was to avoid being murdered in this psychotic hell town, by my mother no less. I'm just not going to think about that any more.

"Oh. Goddess!" This is like herding fucking cats. "Harmony, Dawn, I love you both, but I can feel the migraine coming on. So, can we please get back to the story?" Even Buffy looks like she agrees with me which is ra- "HEY! None of that! You stay right where you are!" Anya stops trying to back away slowly as soon as I point at her and everyone turns to stare at her. "Somebody... grab her, please?" I rub my temples. This is going to be a long day.

Faith just points at Anya and then the ground in front of her. When Anya doesn't immediately hop to it, she cracks her knuckles menacingly and points again. Apparently her sister having been dragged along for whatever ride she sent Harmony on has Buffy looking at her with an eye twitch as well. I allow myself a small amount of pleasure at watching Anya practically wilt under the combined stares.

Once Anya is seated on the ground by Faith, I turn to Dawn and motion for her to continue.

"Right. So the cops were all being such assholes-"

"Dawn!"

"Really, B? She's had a bad day. Just let her talk."

"The cops were all being butt-munchers. Is that better, Mom?" She sticks her tongue out at Buffy who throws her arms up in the air but then just groans resignedly. "They kept trying to make me confess to stealing a key and breaking into our own house to steal stuff for, like, hours and hours." I try to motion for her to hurry up but she ignores me. I resist the urge to use fire as a motivational tool, and just smile at the thought instead. Oddly enough, my expression seems to do the trick. "Right! So Jack showed up."

"You found Jack!? All I got was his distress beacon."

"Jack found me... but... he wasn't Jack. Not really... I mean he at least knew who I was, but he was laughing like a lunatic and-"

Faith laughs, and I can't help but join her for a moment. "That's just J, I swear he must practice it or some shit-"

"No! He was like an actual crazy person. He was making, like, zero sense, asking me about wishes-" I wave off Harmony before she can interrupt. "-and then he killed the detective just for yell-"

"WHAT!?" Everyone yells. Fuck, even I interrupted this time. Jack killed someone in front of Dawn? Damn it, that's going to take forever to explain away.

Dawn glares at all of us. "I told you he went crazy! They started shooting him and he just laughed while he killed everyone in the station! When he was done he dragged me out from under the desk I was hiding under and..." She trails off, taking deep breaths and clearly psyches herself up for a moment before resuming her story in a rush as though she'd break down if she stopped. "He looked at me like Angel did." Buffy and I suddenly find ourselves competing for 'most surprised and horrified' expression. "Only then he started chanting 'My Dawn' over and over again while backing away from me. He gave me a cross and a flare gun and told me to hide in a house with a threshold while he 'fixed' himself so he could get us home. But there was this pack of vampires like right outside the station. They said they worked for someone called The Master-"...and... Buffy suddenly wins the surprised and horrified expression contest by a wide margin. That can't be a good sign, why does that name sound familiar? "-and that Jack shouldn't have hogged all the cops to himself. So they said they wanted to eat me but Jack told them I was his and he then he bit me-"

"He what!?" I wrap Buffy in my privacy spell as quickly as I can so the rest of her interruption becomes static. Jack being erratic and saying he needs to fix himself? Pack of Vampires working for someone they call The Master? That doesn't sound good. Biting Dawn seems even worse somehow. Goddess, is that why he didn't come back?

"-on the arm." Ah... like he does with Harmony then? "He still had to shoot a few of them in the face when they asked him to share me around..." She shudders. I shudder as well, and we don't look to be alone. Being passed around like- Nope! Not going there! "But he did get them to drop that idea... Umm... After that he got kind of growly again-" Wait, again? "-when told me to head along home now, but I could hear him thinking in my head to run and hide in a house as soon as he got the other vampires to follow him away from me. So I did, but a few of the ones he shot found me later and were trying to burn down the house when everything went green again and I was back at school like it never happened. Only it did because I still have the bite mark on my arm." Finally done telling her story, Dawn slumps down and starts crying, Faith and Buffy hugging her between them.

...Buffy is glaring at me..? Oh! I cancel the privacy spell and mouth 'sorry' at her. I also drop the clothing animation spell a second later when I realize why she's still glaring at me.

...Wait.

"So... If Harmony and Dawn both reset back to where they started... then... where did Jack go?" I ask.

"What do you mean?" Harmony asks me.

"Jack disappeared in a flash of fire a moment before you came out here with... her." I turn to Anya who has wisely chosen to remain rooted to her spot even though Faith is occupied.

"It wasn't me! It can't have been! The magic doesn't work like that! He should have been right where he started. Plus, I didn't do anything that involves fire at all." Damn, she even sounds honestly confused.

I look down at Willow who's trying to shake her head no and then whimpers through her sweater gag. Oh come on, it's not- Oh... She probably has a concussion. Those suck...

I'll hold off deciding if she deserves the concussion or if I feel bad for her until I find out if she's the one that made Jack disappear. "Well one of you has to have done it."

...

They both continue protesting their innocence. Of course they do.

Well okay then, interrogation time it is! Hmmm... this is hardly the place for it... "Now, seeing as we're already missing first period..." Kind of weird that Snyder hasn't come out to yell at us yet. Maybe he's busy? I snort. Or maybe he saw Buffy losing a fight and opted to hold off, who knows. "I guess we're all playing hooky today. Everyone either get in the truck, or Harmony's car." Following my own instructions I head back over towards the driver's side door.

"Excuse me, but who the hell made you the Queen?" Cordelia demands. I glance back. Buffy looks like she might want to protest too for a second, but Dawn tugs on her sleeve and they stares at other for a moment. I can't see her expression, but it gets Buffy to relent quick enough.

"Oh! Amy is in charge when Jack's not around." Harmony supplies while nodding happily as she grabs Anya to keep her from bolting until Faith can scoop her up. "She's going to fix this for us." Gee, Harmony, no pressure or anything. "We just need to help!" No offense, Harmony, but I'm not sure I'd expect you and Cordelia to be able to help someone out of a wet paper bag. Then again, she did apparently find her way home all by herself. Granted, that was after accidentally wishing herself to what or wherever Suck-Land is. "Come on, you can ride with me in my car." Harmony walks off towards her car with a confused Cordelia and amused looking Faith, as Anya tries fruitlessly to squirm out of her grip, in tow.

...

Damn it. That leaves me alone with Buffy in the truck. Well, okay, not alone, but a concussed Willow and shaken Dawn isn't going to make things much better. On the plus side, there are no grenades for her to find and if she complains about the tranquilizer gun I'll just shoot her with it.

Buffy starts to help Willow up but then frowns and bends down to look at her. Oh, fine... I release the spell on her clothing too. Spoilsport. I start to turn around when again when Buffy grabs my arm. "What did you do to her? I mean..." She takes a deep breath. "She's still not okay."

Oh come on. "I just used the same spell I-"

"No, I mean before that... The orange needle that woke her up."

"Oh. That was just green goop to un-crack her skull."

Buffy's eyes go wide. "Un-crack her skull?"

"She did get punched by a Slayer... Oh! Right... She probably still has a concussion. I've never needed to use it on someone's face before." I shrug. "Jack would know how to fix it, but somebody banished him."

"Willow didn't banish him! If she knew how to do that we would have done it days- I mean. Oh, you know what I mean. But... Can we move her? I want to know what Anya did to my baby sister-"

"Excuse you! I am not a baby!" Dawn whines.

I roll my eyes at both of them and try to ward off another angry toddler fight. "Yeah. Let's go. Willow will probably be fine. I mean, Giles survives concussions almost daily, right?"

"Good point." Buffy nods. She still looks worried.

"I'll open the back door for you two. You can carry her until we get her home and we can look up what to do. Don't let her go to sleep."

"Hey now. Even I know that's bad."

"Okay then." I leave the doors open as climb into the driver's seat and start Jack's truck.

...

I'm going to get him back.

He's going to be no more crazy than usual when I do.

He's going to go right back to eating anything scary that looks at me funny, laughing the entire time. Then I can go right back to not having to worry about surviving, and focus on living again.

I've gotten through plenty of this town's shit already. I can do this. I just need to keep everything together for a little while longer.

I refuse to allow for anything less.

He is most definitely not stuck in suck-land.

The universe had damned well better have been listening when Harmony said I was in charge!

...

Lord and Lady, Jack can't have been gone for more than 15-20 minutes and I'm already sick of being in charge. He's supposed to be the one that fixes these messes. I hope this one is in that binder at home.

Or Harmony's backup copy. However that works. I don't know. I wasn't really paying attention when Jack mentioned it because I never thought we'd need to actually use the damn thing.

A hand squeezes mine. I look over and see Dawn giving me a halfhearted smile. I squeeze her hand back. I can do this.

Once everyone's situated and I've got the truck heading out of the parking lot I turn to Buffy to try and distract myself. "So... who's this 'The Master' guy and why does he seem to alarm you guys even more than his ominous title already does me?"

...

Moments into Buffy's horrifying explanation I regret asking. Didn't Jack teach me not ask questions I don't want to know the answer to?

Jack, I really hope you knew what you were doing.